Huh?

Where am I?

What's going on?

It was dark. I don't remember much of anything. My last memory is this darkness. I feel like I've been dragged down a bottomless pit. Am I falling? No… I don't think so. I should try... Try to remember. Remember… who I am… who am I?

Suddenly, it came back to me, like a flash of light.

Shuichi… Shuichi Saihara. That's me. That's my name. Is that… all I can remember?

I tried to remember more, like I did before. I'm… I'm a student… at Hope's Peak Academy. Hope's Peak? You mean, like that school for ultimate students? Talented students, mostly from right here in Japan, but some even come from all over the place! All you need is to be a high school student, especially gifted at something, and to be scouted and invited by a staff member at the academy. But if I'm a student, does that mean...

Oh yeah, that's right! I'm Shuichi Saihara: Ultimate Detective! How could I have forgotten something so important? Well, maybe I can figure that out later. Right now, let's try and move… where am I again? It's still so dark. Can I open my eyes?

…

…

Ah!

I opened my eyes, it took a lot more force than I remembered it did. But then again, that was probably just me trying to remember how to open my eyes again. But now that I did it, I guess it's time to look around.

"Huh?"

I was in some kind of classroom, but most of the walls were overgrown with vines and ivy. It didn't look like anyone had been here for a very long time. Could this be Hope's Peak Academy? I wondered…

"Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there."

"Chiaki!"

"Hey, c'mon man, who ya callin' a thief!?"

I turned and found three people standing between me and the door: a girl and two boys. The girl was clearly shorter and wore a hoodie resembling a creature I didn't recognize. She stood slightly closer to me and peered over as though checking to see if I was okay. Her skin was pale and she had faded pink eyes that matched her shoulder-length hair.

She was flanked by two athletic looking guys, although neither one of them looked like they played sports. The one that called her "Chiaki" stood taller and wore a simple, short-sleeve dress shirt with slacks. His brown hair was messy and he had a massive ahoge dominating his hairline. He kind of looked like a Mormon…

The second guy, whom Chiaki called "a thief" was shorter than the first guy yet more athletically built. That kind of contradicted his attire, though, he wore a very grunge outfit in stark contrast to the taller guy: a white t-shirt with a shattered skull design, a white overshirt decked and skinny jeans decked out in chains, almost all his fingers had rings, but only one ear seemed to have any. He had fiery red hair and had a matching goatee. He looked kind of pissed…

The girl, "Chiaki" smiled at him, "It's okay, Leon, I was just quoting a video game."

The boy she called "Leon" rubbed the back of his head and sighed, "Yeah, yeah, okay." That didn't seem to reassure him much.

The girl turned back to me, compared to the other two, her voice was soft and almost sleepy,

"I'm Chiaki Nanami, by the way. I'm the Ultimate Gamer, so sorry for any references I make."

She extended her hand out to me, her smile was warm and inviting, I didn't hesitate to take it.

"Shuichi Saihara: Ultimate Detective…"

We were both ultimates, did that mean the two boys behind her were also?

The punk redhead stepped forward, his face dropping any recollection of having been insulted. With a large grin, he offered his own hand,

"Sup, Shuichi? Name's Leon Kuwata! I'm the Ultimate Punk Rocker!"

Ah, so that explained the getup. His grip was firm and his baby blue eyes sparkled with charisma and confidence. He certainly seemed friendly for a punk rocker.

"Nice to meet you, Leon."

The last member of the trio stepped forward with a friendly smile,

"I'm Hajime; Hajime Hinata!"

I shook his hand. I noticed a glint in his eye that suggested something in his mind. I noticed he hadn't introduced himself with an ultimate title like Chiaki and Leon. I could easily guess why, but I figured it was best to keep my mouth shut on that one.'

There was one question I did want to ask, though…

"Hey, so… where are we?"

Chiaki tilted her head thoughtfully, "Oh, that's right, you were asleep, weren't you? That's why we had to come and find you."

"C-come and find me?"

Hajime nodded, "Yeah, we all thought everyone was here, but that bear told us there were sixteen students, so we couldn't start without the sixteenth student lying hidden somewhere in this school."

Leon sheepishly added, "I thought we had to watch out for them, but, seeing you now, I don't think that'll be a problem!"

Ouch. Not that he was wrong, though. Even individually, I would definitely lose in a fight to all three of them. But, if I was the sixteenth student, then…

"There are twelve other students here?"

Chiaki nodded, "Yep! C'mon, they're all in the gym!"

I barely had time to regain my composure, but they were already moving to the hall. I guess I didn't have much of a choice…

Just like the classroom, the rest of the school was overrun with foliage. It looked like years since the place had ever even been used. It was an eerie feeling, like I was walking through an ancient forest that could whisk me away to some fantasy world where time would move funny and eccentric folklore would jump to life.

When I entered the gym, it suddenly seemed like I was in for something very similar to what I'd just described in my head. Twelve heads turned to look at us, well, probably me, since they'd apparently already seen my companions. I was wondering how I would have to approach them all for an introduction, when one of them beat me to it.

"Hey, you must be the sixteenth student! I'm Aoi Asahina: Ultimate Swimmer!"

She definitely looked sporty, with her blue shirts, white tank top and red windbreaker. Her skin was a milk chocolate, and her brunette hair was tied back in a ponytail. She seemed very perky and friendly.

The second student who approached me was a massive man with a brown suit that he seemed to be stretching the limits of. His massive, messy locks seemed in desperate need of brushing. He wore thin, wiry glasses and… was he, barefoot?

"Hello friend! Very nice to meet you! Gonta hope you no scared! Gonta can be scary-looking. So Gonta want to put best foot forward to meet new student!"

Well, he seems… nice

"Hi, my name's Shuichi Saihara, ultimate detective."

The burly man in front of me smiled warmly, "Pleasure to meet Shuichi! Gonta's name is Gonta Gokuhara. Gonta's talent is Ultimate Entomologist. Gonta trying to become gentleman, so big pleasure for Gonta to meet another gentleman!"

He bowed slightly, which obliged me to do the same. Next to me, I could hear Aoi repeating my name to herself. Before I could ask her what she was doing, I was greeted by a child-like boy clad in all white. He had deep violet, almost black hair, and an air of almost whimsy in his eyes. When he spoke, I couldn't tell if he was putting on an act or was just naturally so bubbly,

"Well, hey there, Gonta! Looks like you made a new friend! That's so cool! I want a new friend too!"

Gonta chirped along, "Oh yes, Gonta meet gentleman!"

With a sly grin, the much smaller boy tapped his chin, "Say, Gonta, isn't it a gentleman's job to introduce his friends? Surely you didn't forget that, did you?"

The larger boy looked absolutely flabbergasted, "Oh no! Gonta no can forget that! Shuichi Saihara, meet Gonta's friend: Kokichi Oma! Kokichi Oma, meet Gonta's friend: Shuichi Saihara!"

"Well, it's just so wonderful to meet you, Shuichi!"

I smiled politely, "Nice to meet you, Kokichi."

"You know, I never did catch your talent, Gonta's really dumb, so he must have forgotten it!"

Gonta pouted, "Gonta… forget?"

"Of course you did! But it's okay, because Shuichi's gonna tell me, right Shuichi?"

I was quickly starting to feel very uncomfortable…

"Uhm, I'm the ultimate detective…"

Kokichi's purple eyes sparkled with wonder, "Oh wow! That's so cool! Does that mean we're going to be like Sherlock and Moriarty?" He added with another smirk, "I am the Ultimate Supreme Leader, ya know?"

No, I did not know. And I felt like I didn't want to know anymore than that.

"Oh, hello hello! This is simply divine! It seems I have been blessed with an abundance of cute boys at this school! My my, this must be my reward for reaching my platinum membership!"

A short, tan girl with angelic white hair bounded up to me with the energy of a squirrel. She wore a white swimming two-piece and a yellow robe draped over her. Whipping out a paintbrush from, I didn't even wanna know where, she began to frame me with her fingers.

"You would make quite a lovely portrait! What do you say, will you pose for me?"

I didn't know how I was supposed to respond to this…

"Uhm, sure?"

She cheered, "Nyahaha! How divine! Quickly, take off your clothes!"

"W-what?!"

"Well, if I'm going to paint you in the nude, I must have you in the nude first, yes?"

"H-hey!" this was getting crazier by the minute, I swatted her hand away from my jacket, "Wait a minute, I'm not going to strip for a total stranger! And definitely not in front of everyone else!"

She tapped her brush to her chin, pursuing her lips thoughtfully, "I see, I see. Well, if it is familiarity you want, then let me introduce myself! I am Angie Yonaga! I'm the Ultimate Artist!" She added with a coy smile, "Now, if you are worried about the others watching us, that's okay, we can leave!"

I slowly backed away, insisting that I was really fine. In doing so, I accidentally bumped into someone.

"Hey, dumbass, watch where you're going!"

I turned to apologize, but my words got choked in my throat. Two people stood behind me with such malicious confidence I was shook. The one who I'd bumped into was a shorter, blond boy in a black pinstripe suit. Despite his baby face, he gave me a glare that probably would've killed me. The taller girl had gray hair in pigtails, wire glasses and a dark school-girl uniform. Strapped to her back was what appeared to be a sword carrier. She glared her red eyes at me, as though to say that if I touched the boy again, she wouldn't be as forgiving.

"S-sorry! I was just making my way over to everyone… I'm, uh, I'm Shuichi Saihara, ultimate detective."

The boy cocked an eyebrow, "You a cop?"

"H-huh? What? No! I'm just an assistant, my uncle's the real detective…

He scoffed, "Then what the hell are you doing walking around with a title like that?"

I spat back, "Hey, that's not a question for me! Ask the school board or something!"

"Tch, whatever. Well, since you're not a cop I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you who I am." He adjusted his tie then threw his hands in his pocket, "Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu: Ultimate Yakuza."

So that's why he was so concerned if I was a cop.

The gray haired girl spoke next, her voice was muted, but not soft in any sense of the word.

"I am Peko Pekoyama. I'm called the Ultimate Kendoka. But above that, I serve as Master Kuzuryuu's bodyguard."

The ultimate kendoka was the bodyguard for the ultimate yakuza? ...yeah, it was a good idea not to mess with them.

I nervously made my way away from the deadly duo hoping to avoid any more scary individuals. I somehow managed to run into someone scarier than both of them combined.

"Greetings."

I nearly made the mistake of thinking that she was a man. But there she stood, like a brick wall, the size of Gonta but more menacing and, well, female. She wore a tattered school girl's dress, had scars on her body and across her face, and jet white hair. Her gaze was so intense, I could feel the energy bursting forth from her.

"Hey, what's the matter? Intimidated by a powerful woman? Typical degenerate male!"

Next to the giant girl stood a less giant but doubly hostile girl wearing a blue shirt and skirt. Her midriff was exposed and she wore a large lime green bow in her braided black hair. Her skin was much smoother and appeared better taken care of, but I wasn't about to doubt that she could kick my ass just as hard as… Well, most of the people I'd met so far.

"N-no! That's not, exactly-"

"Chabashira, I appreciate your concern, but I do not believe this boy poses a danger to anyone." Before I could confirm her suspicion, the larger girl placed her hands up and down my body. It took all my might to keep from squirming, for fear that either her or the other girl would see that as fear or aggression. When she finished, she took a step back, crossing her arms once more, "While he is not scrawny, he is not particularly fit, either. If he were to train, he could have potential."

"Ah! I see! Forgive me, Oogami-sensei!"

"It is of little concern." The larger girl looked back at me and introduced herself, "I am Sakura Oogami. I am known as the Ultimate Martial Artist. I am pleased to make your acquaintance."

"And I am Tenko Chabashira: the Ultimate Aikido Master! But I am the newest official disciple of Oogami-sensei, the strongest woman in the world!"

Strongest woman, huh? Yeah, I believe it…

Sakura grunted, "You are welcome to train with us of course."

"Uhm, thanks, but I'm not much for physical activity!" I replied sheepishly. That upset Tenko,

"Degenerate! You would turn down an offer to be trained by the strongest woman on the planet!? What's wrong with you?!"

"Chabashira, it is his decision. You should respect that."

"Gah! Y-yes Oogami-sensei!"

The martial artist looked at me once more, "You are always free to change your mind." then she walked away, taking Tenko with her.

Well, she was intense.

So, that was eleven, right? Only four left now…

I scanned the room to find the four remaining students. They were scattered across the room: two blondes wearing very revealing clothes, a rotund boy with glasses, and a skinnier boy, wrapped in a scarf. The blondes were… slightly more intimidating, I decided I wanted a break from being intimidated by girls, so I approached the two boys, who were deep in conversation, the larger one asking the smaller one a series of odd-sounding questions.

"It was you who tamed the wild beasts of Echidna's womb?! I must say, that is quite an impressive resume!"

"Kehehe, I am sure to a lowly, gopher-faced doughboy as yourself, that little parlor trick may seem impressive. But you have not seen battle until you have witnessed the might of my Four Dark Devas of Destruction! It would take the power of Hell times a hundred to even withstand their chaos unleashed!"

...I think I sorely misjudged these two. I didn't realize nerds could be so… intense.

"But hark, who dares to approach the Overlord of Ice? And without invitation, no less… the mark of a true maverick!"

I gave a sheepish smile, "Uh, hey, I just thought I should introduce myself, since I made you guys wait so long. I'm Shuichi Saihara, ultimate detective."

The larger boy adjusted his glasses, "Hmph, you don't look like a detective to me! More like a tryhard emo kid from an unoriginal anime. Is that hat supposed to be edgy?"

Okay, I didn't like this guy…

The skinnier boy, with his black slacks, purple scarf, and black trench coat, cast his gaze aside, with an amused smirk, "Kehehe, would you like to know my name? Others may see your courage as recklessness... However...I welcome it. In honor of your courage, I shall reveal to you my name. May you never forget is as long as you live! You may call me...Gundham Tanaka! Remember it well, for it is the name that will one day rule this world!"

Gundham Tanaka: Ultimate Breeder

Huh, that was weird. He didn't tell me his ultimate talent, but it kinda just… appeared.

The fatter boy, with his stretched button up, blue coat, and neon orange tie, suddenly shrieked in awe, "Gwah!? The great Overlord of Ice has given you access to his true name!? You are more worthy than I gave you credit for! Very well, I shall tell you my name as well! I am Hifumi Yamada: Ultimate Otaku! But, you may also call me by my title: The Alpha and the Omega!"

I guess Hifumi wasn't powerful enough to summon his talent in midair like Gundham. Of course, I wasn't going to point that out to either of them. I'm not an idiot. Taking care not to agitate them further, I slinked off deciding I didn't want to chance it with either blonde.

Then, I felt someone sling an arm around my shoulder.

"Hey, Shuichi, right? You weren't gonna say hi? Wow, that's, like, totally rude! I'm almost offended!"

It was one of the blondes. She had two ponytails tied with a red and white bow and a bunny clip. Her black button-up exposed a generous amount of cleavage, accentuated further by her matching tie. She had hiked up boots and an insanely short red miniskirt . My face was flush with embarrassment as I began to recognize her from several magazines that, as a teenage boy, I was obligated to… keep, somewhere close by…

"Uhm… y-yeah, you're-!"

"That's right! Junko Enoshima: Ultimate Fashionista!" She flashed a peace sign and toothy grin, before adding with an eccentric huff, "Buuuuut, that's so lame, don't you think? Like, I'd rather be someone as exciting as you!" She winked at me, her bright blue eye washing over me like a sea of comfort and seduction, "What were they saying you were, cutie? The 'ultimate detective' or something? Wow, I've, like, never met a real detective before! Just the actors!"

Her voice was bubbly, her giggle was charming, and her smile was infectious. There was no doubt that her natural charisma shone through from her pictures, but to experience her in person was a whole other level of magic. Never in my life have I ever had so much I wanted to say and have so few ways to say it come to my mind.

"Uh, actually, I-I'm just, an apprentice-"

"Uh, actually, you're just the ultimate detective!" she giggled, "No need to be modest, hun! We're all the best of the best here, aren't we?"

I wanted to believe her. She gave me such a cute and reassuring smile that I felt I had no choice but to believe her. Junko's grip was tight, her arms were surprisingly strong for what I imagined a model's grip would feel like. If it had been anyone else, I might have felt threatened or uncomfortable. But whether it was her perfume or her smile, a sense of ease covered me like a blanket.

The feeling didn't last, and the blanket was yanked unceremoniously off of him.

"Hey! What do you two think you're doing? Already sluttin' it up before orientation? Wow, that's like, next level horniness! You guys are, like, ultimate horndogs or somethin'!"

It was the second blonde, with her modified pink sailor uniform and matching skirt, once again generously exposing her rather… large, uh, cleavage. She gave off an intense steampunk vibe, with brown-yellow goggles on her head, fingerless gloves, black-heeled boots and black straps and gold buckles and rings attached to her white socks. Her voice was hoarse and her vocabulary and mannerisms reflected that.

Junko released my body from her clutch and brazenly lashed out at the newcomer with a certain domineering anger,

"What's your problem, boobs-for-brains? Anyone ever teach you to, like, mind your damn business!?"

The second girl immediately shrunk back with a squeal, as though she weren't expecting Junko to fight back, "Gh! W-what…?"

Junko scoffed, "Hmph! Is that it? All bark and, like, no bite?"

The second girl blushed for a few seconds before suddenly stomping her foot down and triumphantly reasserting her dominance, "Y-you're just jealous cuz my jugs are twice as big as your sad sacks of milk!" She let out a satisfied cackle, "Ha! Of course, that's to be expected, nobody can live up to the golden brain, gorgeous girl genius herself! The one, the only, the legendary Ultimate Inventor: Miu Iruma!"

W-who?

The two blondes continued to lobby sexually charged insults at one another, getting so distracted I was able to slip away undetected. I didn't make it much further before I was stopped by a familiar, warm voice,

"Hey, hey, there you are! We were wondering where you'd gone."

Chiaki gave me a lazy, but comforting smile, behind her stood Hajime, his smile smaller, but present. I tried to muster a smile, but I guess it must have looked forced, because Chiaki immediately tilted her head, donning a concerned look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

I stuttered, "Ah, i-it's just, is everyone here so intimidating?"

Hajime chuckled, "Y-yeah, that's kinda what I was thinking when I went around myself." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "It must be an ultimate thing, huh?"

I offered jokingly, "Well, at least we seem normal, right?"

Hajime nodded, Chiaki started nodding off.

I looked around the room one more time at the ultimates. I found Leon chatting it up with Aoi before he was somewhat dejected from her by the appearance of Sakura and Tenko. I watched with humor as the punk rocker narrowly avoided getting ensnared in the ongoing Junko and Miu conflict and cockily meandered his way back to the three of us, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Hey, Shuichi! Meet everyone yet?"

I nodded, "Y-yeah, we were just talking about how intense everyone seems to be."

Leon chuckled, "Ha! You can say that again!" He added with a sly wink, "Although they're not all bad, ya'know? Obviously you guys are chill, that Hina chick seems cool too!"

All things considered, I felt a sense of calm wash around me. I almost forgot that we weren't even inside Hope's Peak Academy, but being surrounded by Chiaki, Hajime, Leon, and even the eccentricities of the others, I felt like I could get used to this kind of school life.

Of course, that was a feeling that couldn't last.

"Ahem! Mic-test! One-two-three! Can you all hear me? Are we all finally present and accounted for? Good! Now then, let's get this orientation session rolling shall we?!"

The speakers blared a jubilant, squeaky voice to which I could not assign any sort of person. It hadn't yet said anything provocative or dangerous, but I couldn't help feeling that earlier sense of comfort slowly fade away, like the lowering of the tide. I felt as exposed as a hermit crab in search of a new shell.

And that's when I knew that my life would never be the same.

A.N. Hello! Welcome to my randomized retelling of Danganronpa V3! If you're new here, this is a continuation of a series started with my story titled "Danganronpa: Immersive Learning Program" which is a retelling of Danganronpa 2! The basic idea is that I used a randomizer to switch up all 48 characters and try and write a compelling narrative with each cast! This is the second entry of that idea, and it will be running in conjunction with the other one. The third one, which will retell the events of Trigger Happy Havoc, has not yet been drafted, so don't try to stress yourself looking for it! If you are reading this before having read ILP, that's totally fine, but of course, I strongly recommend reading that one as well as this one! I will try to be updating them side-by-side. Either the next chapter of this one will be released first or the next chapter of the other one, I'm not yet sure! Anyway, thanks for reading!

-That1guyeveryonehates.