Before reading this - I would like to suggest that you read my previous story, "I Don't Get Her". It's not essential, but I throw in a few references to it throughout the story. It's only a one shot and not reading it isn't going to ruin your experience but if you're interested in a tiny bit of context then I suggest reading that.
When it started, it started as all things did. Small.
A fuzzy feeling that made her chest feel warm and made her smile involuntarily - Something hardly noticeable, that wasn't that much different to the feeling of having a close friend nearby. Small, and unremarkable. And it grew bit by bit as she became more and more fond of them, incremental bit by incremental bit, so she didn't notice its growth right away.
Then it evolved, and turned into her heart beating harder and harder whenever her thoughts wandered towards them, or whenever the subject of those thoughts was near her. Her stomach feeling… Weird, but not in a bad sort of way? Her face burning red, and her composure finding itself lost in the winds.
Eventually, it became a part of her daily life, without any input on her part. Her mind would just wander entirely on it's own, and these feelings would make themselves known very, very rapidly. And those feelings would then become a huge part of her day, and she couldn't do anything about them. They impacted how she thought, how she acted, what she said and what she did. It was like she had lost control over her life.
But not in a way she could say she definitively hated. But not in a way she definitively liked, either. It was…. So confusing.
Amity couldn't tell when it started.
There wasn't just one moment where everything - Or, well, anything, for that matter - made absolute perfect sense to her, when she finally knew what had been happening to her over the last few weeks. Or even began to make sense, for that matter. More intensely here, less so there, a few days where she didn't think about it all that much, and days where it was all she could think about. Days when thinking about it made her feel sick, and days where thinking about it filled her with feelings of giddiness that she normally kept reserved, or would only express around the Emperor's Coven.
But they weren't unfamiliar feelings.
Which was why her confusion now was frustrating her.
She had spent the night trying to study. There was supposed to be some sort of exam for her Track tomorrow - In all honesty, she hadn't been paying that much attention when it was being announced or what exactly they were being tested on, the same issues in her head, like they had been all day keeping her distracted. And those thoughts were still jumping around in her head later that same day, and up until right now. They made concentrating on the words in front of her impossible.
Eventually, she'd given up, and closed her textbooks. Whatever questions got thrown at her during the exam, she was already pretty certain that she'd be fine - She had made it a point to memorize everything that they had been taught, and to push herself that bit harder. She could manage. If anything was going to mess up her grade, it was going to be these thoughts and feelings. So she set about trying to settle everything in her head, to calm her mind down so that she could focus on what was important.
That was easier said than it was done, it turned out.
It was hard to even describe what it was, even in her own head. It was like a warm feeling that covered her whole body, and everything felt lighter one moment, then fuzzy the next, then she'd find herself losing the composure she held onto.
Then the nerves would kick in.
And then the absolute dread kicked in.
When fear set in.
Amity sighed.
Since she stopped her attempts at studying, the night had been spent doing nothing but pacing back and forth in her room, thinking, and even having out-loud arguments with herself. Mentally debating herself on her thoughts and points, and countering those with the same thoughts and points.
"Nothing has changed. You're overthinking it."
"If nothing has changed why does this bother you so much?"
"I'm just trying to make sense of everything!"
"You know what it is."
"Not like this. Not to this degree."
"Then what is it?"
"I… I don't know. But - But nothing changed between us!"
"You don't believe that and you know you don't. Especially not after - " She cut herself off.
It was exhausting, but she still couldn't focus. Or sleep for that matter. How long she had been at it, she'd lost track by now. An hour at least, and she wasn't any closer to figuring anything out.
It wasn't like this was the first time she'd felt something similar to this. She was fourteen. She'd had feelings like this before. Had people who she liked. People who made her feel awkward and anxious. She'd felt similarly before.
...Maybe that was where the issue was.
She had felt similarly.
Not like this.
...Nothing was that simple when it came to Luz, was it? There was always some sort of complication. Nothing was ever just… Straight forward with her.
The room felt warm all of a sudden, and Amity realized that her hands were sweating. Glancing out the window, she was able to see her own reflection, and saw that her cheeks and ears were red. Now that she was paying attention, she realized her heart was beating a lot faster too. It hurt slightly. But also didn't.
"Ah…" Her right hand gripped at her chest, and her face buried itself in her left hand. She was a mess and Gods, she felt like one too. She needed air. Cold air. Fresh air.
Pretty much on instinct, she made her way to her desk, and grabbed hold of a few things - A book, a box, and a photograph. As soon as those were in her hands, she opened up her bedroom door, and walked through the corridors as quickly as she could, reached the front door, opened it, stood outside, shut it behind her, and then let out a long, loud sigh as she leaned against it. The late night air was cold against her cheeks. She felt herself calm down a bit.
There was only so much time she could spend inside before she felt the need to go out, and in doing so, she had found a few spots scattered around the place, and a few near her house, where she liked to go to just sit and think. There was one spot in particular where she always defaulted into going whenever she had a lot on her mind, and really, really needed to be alone to try to sort everything out. Even if she couldn't solve everything there, it just made her feel…. That bit more at peace when she was there. Maybe that was all she could ask for with this mess in her head.
Following the path in front of her, she reached up to the bridge. Instead of following the path over, she took a hard right, approaching a small incline at the cliff that no one noticed unless they knew what they were looking for. She then climbed down it, careful where she put her feet and hands, aware that a misplaced limb could send her to the bottom in a less than graceful manner. She got down just fine though.
A river did exist under the bridge, but it was incredibly small, and was, what, a meter and a half wide? It widened out further down the hill, but there was a pavement that was built alongside the curvature of the archways, mostly there in case someone needed to inspect the bridge for structural weaknesses. These days, it was mostly completely ignored - The bridge was of the absolute highest architectural quality. It would take a century before it started to show any issues.
When looking out though, in the way the river flowed?
Bonesbourough was visible.
Far away, but visible. Some buildings taller than others, and the rest being represented as only vague outlines, and small dots of lights, shimmering. A few silhouettes moved, as those who took on the duties of the night were little more than tiny dots that passed in front of the tiny lights. Sometimes tiny creatures would fly in front of the view, hovering in place, before moving on. Fire-grubs and Glow-moths would dance around one another.
Everything felt… Small. And it made Amity feel…
...Easy. Like the towering issues before her were small. Because she knew she was bigger than them. Bigger than anything right in front of her now. And the roof over her head made her feel like there was no one watching, peeking over her shoulder. Neither Emira or Edric knew about this place, and she had gone to extensive care to keep it that way. Especially since they figured out how to get into her secret room at the library.
Certainly, she didn't feel powerful here - She was under a bridge that she used to hide from the rest of the world. It just made her feel more relaxed. Like she had that bit more control.
It was good to not just have one place she could go when she wanted to be on her own. At least that way, if someone found out about one of them, she had another place to hide. And sometimes the library was just too far away to reach… And now that place had been found out, so having foresight on that front was good, she supposed.
Amity sat herself down, leaning against the wall. She felt herself shiver lightly, the cold air seeping into her skin. It felt good though. The stones she leaned on felt cold and rough too, but she welcomed them right now as well. Cold was good. Cold calmed her down. She allowed herself to sigh, and close her eyes for just a brief moment of peace.
Eyes still shut, she felt for the book she had brought - Her diary. She brought it onto her lap, and opened up the pages, flipping over them until she found one of the entries she remembered writing a while ago.
'I ran into Luce today.'
Long enough ago that she hadn't learned how to spell her name properly, she noted. She'd promised herself she'd go back and fix that when she got the chance, but hadn't, because of… Everything that had been going on in her head. Making corrections to her diary had fallen by the wayside slightly. Once more, she made a note to go back and fix it now.
The entry was from when she and Luz had to fight for their lives together against a cartoon drawing in a book come to life thanks to the Wailing Star. That entire night had been… To put it in as polite a term as possible, absolutely freaking crazy. But it held a weirdly special place in Amity's heart now that she looked back on it. For all the stress and existential horror and risk of either death or eternal imprisonment - …
…Wow it sounded a lot worse when she put it like that -
It had been the night that she realized she was wrong about Luz.
...Her heart beat against her chest again. Once more, her hand clawed at it, and gripped at the clothing there, as if that would somehow help. All it took was her even thinking of Luz, and her heart would do this. It almost hurt.
Many people could say many things about Amity - And they often did, when they thought that she wasn't listening, or didn't pay them any attention. She was aware of how a lot of people saw her. Some saw her as an elite. Some saw her as intimidating. Some saw her as rude, or as abrasive… And there was some truth to that. But there was one thing that no one ever accused her of being.
And that was being an idiot. Because that was the one thing nearly everyone knew was wrong. She wasn't an idiot. And she knew that too. And she wasn't stupid enough to act like she didn't know what was happening here. She was fourteen. She had had people she liked before.
She knew what a crush was. And she wasn't dumb enough to deny that that was what this was. She had a crush on Luz.
Oh, Gods, did she have a crush on Luz.
What surprised her the most was how… Absolutely... Different, it was this time. How much she… Felt this time. That… Confused her. She had had crushes before, but they weren't ever this intense. When it became hard to focus on anything else, or how her chest would hurt when she thought about her. Just a few weeks ago, even in spite of these feelings, she could still interact with Luz without any problems, and now over the last couple of days, that was starting to fall by the wayside. Whenever she had had a crush on someone before though, it hadn't been as bad as it was this time. That was what was confusing her. What was frustrating her.
This wasn't the first time - She should have better control over these feelings! That was how it worked, wasn't it? You got better and better at dealing with them the more times you had them?
She could have sworn that was what had been happening - Of the few crushes she had had throughout her life, she'd gotten better at dealing with them. But none of them - None of them - Felt anything like this.
Luz had gotten deep under her skin, without even trying.
Somehow that made it even more intense.
And so much more confusing!
All she could do was be frustrated - Admittedly, it wasn't like her last crushes were particularly long lasting. Usually not much more than a month or so, before she ended up finding out something about them that absolutely killed her interest. And as much of a shot to her pride as it was to admit, some of them weren't even on real people, though she'd grown past that.
Mostly.
But even then, she had been able to keep her mind together around them. This was another beast entirely.
How long had this crush lasted? It had to be at least a month, right?
So why hadn't she gotten any more used to it?
Continuing to read though, Amity reminded herself of the night she wrote this all down more and more. She remembered writing it all down, more than she remembered writing down any other entry in this thing.
'I don't know what to make of her. First, she pretended to be an Abomination for Willow, then she acts like we're supposed to be friends that just got off on the wrong foot, then she cheats in our duel, and then she comforts me when I find out what Lilith did to me and after I yelled at her and made her admit she isn't a Witch, and then she did magic in front of me when Humans aren't supposed to be able to do magic - I don't know what to make of her.'
Some truth still existed in that little paragraph, Amity thought to herself. There were still a dozen things about Luz that she didn't know what to make of.
To be blunt - Luz was weird. Really weird. And somehow, Amity was becoming more and more convinced that this had nothing to do with her being a Human - That even by the odd standards Humans had, that Luz was weird.
She could be an absolutely stupid idiot at times, charging herself into situation over and over again when she had no idea what she was getting into, no plan, no experience with anything on the Boiling Isles, and not even the vaguest idea what she was even going to do in said situation. Heck, in some situations, she didn't even know what the situation was. But she would do it anyway.
And that was part of why Amity liked her.
Luz was… Honest. She never seemed to hide… Anything. Certainly never without a good reason - Maybe the only time that she could think of was when she was helping Willow with her Abomination exam, which she had a fairly good reason to do, in hindsight…
...Amity kept reading through her diary, not entirely sure what she expected to find in this particular passage. It was noteworthy to her because she hadn't been able to write it all in one sitting - She'd had to come back to it twenty minutes later because she couldn't sleep.
Looking at it, it was obvious where that point was - The quality of her handwriting clearly went down. She remembered writing incredibly quickly, her frustration at not being able to sleep or make sense of everything spurring her on. Lines and lines about how nothing about her made any sort of sense - How she was even able to do Magic, how she was even here, and how she had even met the Owl Lady. Two parts of her entry in particular stood out.
'She's so nice it's almost sickening! I do not understand how - Especially not to, well, me. I've not been in the least pleasant to her at all. It seems like every time we see each other, something goes on between us - I treat her horribly, and then the next day she'll run up and ask me how my days have been like nothing ever happened!'
The second part, in large, bold letters, which took up most of two pages, when her frustration just became too much for her to take.
'I DON'T GET HER'
That had been the absolute accumulation of her frustrations that night. It had been when she'd been able to vent everything out of her system. It was where the entry stopped.
...Maybe of everything, that was still the most true. There was still so much of Luz Amity felt she didn't understand. But that she wanted to.
But of everything she didn't understand….
...Why was Luz so nice to her?
Frankly, Amity wasn't sure if she deserved it.
Luz had seen some of the worst of what she'd done - Especially regarding Willow. And yet that hadn't changed… Anything, it seemed like.
So much had changed since she wrote that entry… And so much hadn't. Or had it? She didn't know. She knew more about Luz now, but she….
...She wished she knew why Luz made her… Feel… This much.
Her hand reached out for the box and the photograph. Amity placed them on just atop her diary. The picture was from just a couple of days ago - From Grom. The one where Luz had her arm around her. Amity couldn't stop herself from smiling at the photo. Grom had been such an… Event, to put it lightly. But it had gone about as well as it could have gone, in all honesty.
And she got to dance with Luz - Even after she never got the chance to hand her her note. That wonderful, exhilarating dance...
In the box, there was the crown she'd gotten that came with being Grom Queen alongside Luz.
Somehow, none of this made her heart ache. So how did that work? How did just the mere thought of Luz make her feel like she was having a panic attack, but when she had all of this in front of her, all she could do was smile like an idiot?
Amity didn't know. Maybe because it felt more grounded?
She didn't know. She sighed again. She - She just didn't know. She felt so… So out of her depth here. There was just so, so much right now that had her utterly confused.
It frustrated her. Left her unsure what to do, what to think half the time...
...She didn't know why she felt like this.
It ended up being a sleepless night for Amity in the end. Nothing she tried let her sleep, and the thoughts were still swirling around in her head as she tried to process everything.
None of it worked.
Having to make do with a few rejuvenation spells - Plural; it was taking more than just one of them to keep her awake - She forced herself through her classes and their surprise test. The lack of sleep made the day feel like it dragged on, and made it harder for her to focus, and she was beyond thankful that she had made the effort to memorize everything from their classes long before this point. It landed her an A.
Not an A+, but not an A- either. It wasn't the worst grade she'd ever gotten. If she'd had sleep… Or time to study though, then she knew she could have done better. She cursed her brain.
Right about now though, she considered herself lucky that she hadn't run into Luz all day. Right now she was a mess and knew it - She could see people giving her odd looks, though none of them mentioned anything. She couldn't imagine what the bags under her eyes must have looked like, or how her general sluggishness must have contradicted her normal demeanour. Maybe they assumed it was because of Grom. At the very least, maybe she could preserve that part of her dignity today.
Normally classes were something that Amity didn't mind. She knew how to focus and there was always something that she found interesting being talked about - But as tired as she was, it took serious effort to pay attention, and that just made her more and more tired. She couldn't help but feel her mind wander.
And of course, her mind wandered to Luz, and wondering which classes she was in now. All she could think of was Grom, and that dance, and that night. It felt like a turning point for her, but she didn't know how. Or why.
When the final bell screamed, Amity found she had a few books that she didn't need for a few days, and that she just couldn't be bothered to carry with her back home, so she decided to take them and put them in her locker. She was too tired to think to do otherwise.
It didn't take her long to get to her locker, and it already seemed to know what she was here for, and opened itself up for her. Amity closed her eyes while she put the books, just for a few seconds where her eyes didn't feel completely dry as sand. As soon as the books were in her locker, she let out a yawn, unable to stop herself. The minute that she got home, she was going to go straight to sleep, she decided. She needed a rest.
She turned to leave her locker and head home, and opened her eyes.
And there was Luz, right in front of her.
"Boo."
"Aaah!"
A surprised yelp escaped her, and Amity jumped back about a step's worth before she managed to stop herself. Once she registered that it was Luz, she wasn't sure if her response had been to the sudden appearance of someone in her sight, or if it was the sudden appearance of Luz specifically. Either way, her heart was racing again.
On the bright side, she wasn't quite so drowsy anymore.
"What - " Amity made herself sigh. Her left hand reached up and rubbed her eyes. Once done there, her hand gripped at her chest. "Luz, what are you doing and why did you just try to give me a heart attack?"
The exact cause of that near heart attack was up for debate now.
In the brief second Amity had seen her before she'd jumped back, Luz had been leaning against the lockers with what looked like a smug grin on her face - What reason she had to be smug about, Amity didn't have even the first clue.
Now though, she had an expression of concern. "Ooh, sorry, Amity!" She said, with that tone in her voice that let Amity know she was sincere. "I didn't mean to startle you so bad!"
"What… Exactly were you planning on then?"
"Just a tiny startle?"
Again, Amity sighed.
"Didn't realize I was so scary."
"You're not." Amity assured her, shaking her head, very much making an effort to not look or act too awkward. In spite of whatever cool demeanour she was exhibiting, internally her composure had completely melted away already, and her stomach was doing that thing where it felt all fuzzy and warm. "Sorry." She added for good measure. "I've been exhausted all day today."
"You're telling me." Luz blinked, leaning towards Amity, clearly inspecting the bags underneath her eyes. This time, Amity was certain she hadn't been able to stop herself from blushing, though Luz didn't seem to notice, somehow. "I've tried to say hi like, three times today."
Amity blinked. "Wait, you have?"
"Mmm-hmm." Luz nodded, humming. "Or, well, I guess I waved hi once, actually said hi once, and then now, so, thirds time the charm I guess."
"When did… This happen?"
"Just before classes started, and just after lunch. We walked past each other twice and you didn't say anything. I thought you were upset or something."
"No! No… No, not at all." Amity rubbed her eyes again, and felt at her cheeks and confirmed that yes, she was blushing, and now she was certain that had spread up to her ears. "I'm really sorry, Luz. I haven't slept since last night. I've just been staying awake with Rejuvenation Spells."
"Hitting the books, Miss Top-Student?"
"I wish." Amity shook her head. "I just had… A lot on my mind."
There was a look that Luz gave her that Amity could have sworn she'd never seen from her before. Like that normal energy and peppy attitude she exuded left for a brief moment, and was replaced with nothing but concern.
"...Was it about Grom?" She asked. Her voice was gentle. It made Amity shiver. The unspoken implication was that it was about her crush and fear of rejection.
"...Yeah." It wasn't a lie. Luz just… Didn't know the full story.
Mercifully though, she seemed to realize that this wasn't a topic that Amity wanted to talk about, and displayed a tactfulness that Amity could have sworn she'd never seen from her before. "It was a fun night though, right? Aside from the whole, you know…" She crossed her eyes, stuck out her tongue at the side of her lips, held up her hands, and wriggled her fingers. "...Overwhelming existential horror thing."
Her expression earned a smile and gentle chuckle out of Amity. "Aside from that, yes, it was. I had a lot of fun." Another light blush made its way onto her cheeks. "...Thank you, for everything back then. It… Meant more to me than you know." That wasn't a lie either. Luz really didn't know.
Either way though, it did make the Humans face brighten up. "Of course!" She said, with a smile so wide it reached all across her face. "I had a great time as well!"
That smile was going to be the death of her, Amity couldn't help but think as her heart fluttered. "I - I'm glad you did too." She was getting nervous. She needed an out, quick, or she was going to make herself look like an idiot, she was certain of it. She quickly glanced around, and noticed the lack of Luz's friends. It was something to hook onto. "U-Um, have Gus and Willow already left?"
"Hm? Oh, I guess so. I kind of left them cause I wanted to check in on you."
"O - Oh." Well, that backfired.
"But! You seem like you're okay, so I guess I was worried over nothing!" Again, the implication of Amity's unknown crush went unsaid.
The pair of them started to make their way to the main entrance of Hexside so they could leave the building. They were both headed that way so it was somewhat unavoidable, not that Amity minded all that much. Conceptually, anyway. Her heartbeat was still making keeping this facade of calmness tough. Luz didn't seem to have any intention on being quiet though, and began to ask Amity about how her day had been. Amity told her, though nothing of especial note had happened. There was her test result though, so she mentioned that.
It seemed to both surprise and impress Luz. "You're telling me you got an A on a surprise test you didn't even study for?"
"If you count a few days notice as a surprise test…"
"No wonder you're like, the top student here." Luz blinked. The pair of them reached the front doors of the school, and exited the building together. "I wish I was that smart."
That same compliment that Amity had heard a thousand times, made her extremely happy hearing it from Luz. Again, she was certain that she was blushing, but she didn't care to hide it this time. It made her smile. "Y - You'll get there."
"Pssh, naw." Luz waved her hand in front of her in a single, dismissive motion. "I didn't do all that great at tests back home, and they didn't have me need to… Tame a griffon or whatever.. I'll be happy if I at least pass… Anything like that here."
"Weirder things have happened." Amity noted, simply. "You're the first Human anyone knows of that can do Magic. Something tells me you'll end up surprising yourself."
Surprising people did seem to be a tendency Luz had in spaces. Amity genuinely had a feeling that if she put her mind to it, Luz wouldn't have any issues passing any of the tests Hexside threw her way, even in spite of her lacking years of Magical experience, and the disadvantages of her rune style of casting.
Another smile made itself known on Luz's lips. She didn't say anything in response though.
Instead, she ended up taking a set on the stairway, out of the way of anyone else. It took Amity a couple of steps before she realized that Luz had stopped following her. She turned, with an eyebrow raised. "Erm… What're you doing?"
"Oh, Eda said she'd give me a ride back today."
"Ah." A sad pang hit Amity's chest. She wished her heart would make up its mind if she wanted to get as far away from Luz as was physically possible, or wanted to be around her. At this point, she would settle with that decision being made.
"You don't need to wait if you don't wanna." Luz said, on top. She still had that damned smile on her face that made Amity feel weak. "I know you said you were tired, so I don't wanna hold you up."
A thoughtful gesture.
That was just cruel, Amity's heart told her. It had made up its mind now though.
Amity herself sighed and smiled gently. "Well, you woke me up with your little stunt back there. I can wait for a while, if you want."
"Is this what tired Amity is like?" Luz asked, tilting her head, and adopting a quizzical expression. "Really nice and thoughtful?"
"Don't push it, Luz."
"There she is." The Human girl grinned. Something then caught her eye, as she stood up, and looked into the sky. "Oh, I think Eda's already here."
It took about thirty seconds for the pair of them to realize that it wasn't Eda at all - What it was a tiny owl-looking creature that Luz seemed to recognize once it was within about fifteen meters of the pair of them. It looked like a Palisman to Amity.
"Owlbert?" Luz questioned aloud, apparently recognizing them. The Palisman flew around her head twice, seemingly greeting the Human, before dropping a note into her hands, and flying off again. Luz read the note quickly, at one point raising an eyebrow, before blinking and letting her arms flop to the side. "So, er, Eda isn't coming."
"Why not?"
"Something to do with King, the Human world, a bag of fire and I think a stray cat."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...I think a beanie might also be involved."
"...Do I even want to know?"
"I'm not entirely sure I do to be honest." Luz said in the midst of a thousand-yard stare, before she let out an exhale and placed her hands on her hips. "Welp! I guess I'm walking back. Hey! We could walk until we have to split up if you want!"
Sometimes Amity wondered if the universe just enjoyed playing games with her. It wasn't like she could say no - What were they going to do? Walk awkwardly fifteen feet apart from one another?
Still, it wasn't like she disliked the idea. She nodded.
Luz smiled back in response.
Immediately Amity began to question the wisdom of this decision.
Amity couldn't help but remember last night as she walked through Bonesborough. She remembered the vision of the town from her space under the Blight Manor Bridge, and wondered if where she was at any given time had been one of the places she'd been able to make an outline of. If the windows that she passed by were ones that had candlelight contributing to the sea of tiny flickering lights that dotted the city-scape during the dusk hours. If any of the people around her were the tiny silhouettes that had had duties to do in the dead of night.
It turned out that in order to get to the Owl House, Luz had to take a similar direction to Amity through Bonesborough. Some of the same streets, and some of the same passageways. The Owl House wasn't all that far away from the town anyway, so it wasn't like it was miles and miles away from just about anywhere in the town.
Occasionally, there was a path that took Luz ever so slightly off course from the Owl House, but she didn't seem to mind too much. She seemed to just be enjoying wandering through the town.
And speaking with Amity about the eventful day she'd ended up having.
"...I have never, in my life, heard of a potion that broke glass - And only glass - before."
"Well, it's a thing now I guess!... Boy am I really glad people know how to magic repair things here. I would have been in… So much trouble back home."
Even putting her feelings aside, Luz genuinely was an interesting person to speak to, Amity found. She was the first Human being to attend Hexside, and on top of that, was the first person to ever take all the Magical Tracks that the school had to offer. Her days seemed to be this constantly moving and exciting things that came from all the subjects she had to study - By sheer probability, something interesting was bound to occur to her on any given day.
A perspective of a Human at Hexside, and the perspective of someone who was taking on everything that the school had to offer - That was bound to create someone who had a wide variety of interesting thoughts about their position at Hexside. And it was really interesting to hear about what she had to say.
Her energy and enthusiasm was infectious.
The way her eyes lit up whenever she talked about something Magical that she'd seen that day.
That adorable giddiness that she didn't even attempt to keep contained.
Heck, even her uniform reflected all of this - It was such a bizarre mismash of colours that nothing about it made it seem uncharacteristic for her. It suited her in the weirdest way imaginable.
Plus, it was impossible to deny, she looked cute in it -
Aaaand Amity needed to put a stop to those thoughts right now.
" - Anyway, I'm pretty sure that the walls will be… Mostly fine. Maybe don't sit too close to them next time you go in there."
"...Er, right." Amity nodded, realizing that she hadn't heard a word of whatever Luz had just been saying. She also made a mental note to not sit near… Any walls for a while. Just to be on the safe side of… Whatever it was that Luz had ended up doing.
They both walked past a plaza in the middle of the town. As usual, the area was full of people - Various merchants, performers, and guards to supervise those performers and their use of Magic. A lively economic hub, where all manner of trade was ongoing, as various peoples from every path of life on the Boiling Isles met to engage in mutual exchange of goods and services. Of course, to the trained eye, there were dozens of people seeking to exploit the unaware. Awareness was an absolute necessity throughout the entire Boiling Isles.
To Amity, it was such a routine sight that it barely was even worth noticing. She would have walked right past it without even glancing at it under normal circumstances.
But Luz stopped, and just stared at the sight.
And that smile of wonder once more made itself known.
Certainly, Luz had seen these sorts of gatherings before. There was no way she had lived in this realm for as long as she had without having seen them. But the expression she had was one that one would expect a traveller to have upon reaching a new settlement. Wide eyed curiosity and imagination. Neither she nor Amity had any money, and they both somehow knew that without exchanging a word. Still though, Luz looked at the sight all the same.
"...Y'know, I'm so happy that I got to come here."
"... To - To this plaza, or - "
"I meant here - The Boiling Isles!" Luz quickly clarified. "Everything here is just so weird - I love it here. And there's just - Just so much Magic! Es asombroso!"
"You're far more into Magic than I thought." Amity noted, unable to keep herself from smiling. Luz looked like a kid right now, amazed at what was to her, the most innocuous thing in the world.
"Not just the Magic." Luz said, turning on her heel to face Amity. "I mean yeah, the Magic is completely amazing, but I've met so many cool people here too! Eda, King, Gus, Willow." Her smile was soft. "And you."
Amity felt her heart stop.
"I'm getting all mushy, sorry." Luz laughed. "I'm just - I'm really glad I got to meet everyone here."
And Amity felt her heart sink.
"...We should probably keep on going." She suggested. "I think I see some scammers heading our way."
Glancing back at the crowd and the commotion, Luz nodded, and walked alongside Amity once again, a happy skip in her step.
Amity should have been happy to hear all of that. And she knew that she should have, and that not feeling that way was… Almost even unfair to Luz. Because not a single thing that was now going through the Witch's mind was even remotely any of Luz's fault.
The reality was, it was her own fault. Her own actions. Her own attitudes. Her own words.
And here they were, biting at her insides once again.
She didn't… Understand.
Both of them walked into another passageway. This one was more or less completely deserted. No one was walking through here, and Amity knew it was the merchants residential area - Most of the inhabitants would be back at the plaza, peddling their goods to the general population, or trying to swindle the unaware.
Suddenly, Amity wished she was far away from Luz. She felt…
Guilty. And that feeling in and of itself made her feel even more guilty. A continuous cycle.
Luz was now just a bit ahead of her now, and Amity dared to steal a glance at her. Like always, there was the expression of someone who was just happy to be here, and apparently enjoying the company of her companion. It was the latter part that made Amity feel ill.
For some reason now, all Amity could think about was their adventure into Willows memories.
How Luz had been there, and seen her trying to destroy the memories in the first place.
How she had seen the memories Willow had of them.
How she'd seen what kind of person Amity had been. What she had done.
The kind of person she was.
The kind of coward she was.
The kind of Witch who couldn't even stand up to her own parents for the sake of her friend.
How Luz had seen it all.
How it didn't end there.
How throughout the entirety of her time in the Boiling Isles until recently, Amity had treated her like dirt. How she'd pushed her and taunted her and acted like she wasn't anything but some kind of insect beneath her.
And hadn't said a word about either since. But could still claim that she was glad that she knew Amity?
And could find herself willing to dance with her at Grom?
And call herself a friend?
It wasn't fair for Amity to feel like this after hearing all of what Luz had just said… But she couldn't stop herself. She just couldn't. It all weighed so heavily on her mind that it was impossible to completely be rid of it. Back during the incident at the library, Amity told Luz that she would think on the ways that she had acted towards her. And she had done that. She'd done that a lot.
And concluded that she hated herself for it. Because Luz hadn't done anything to deserve it. Because it had been her own actions that had spurred Luz to act.
Taunting Willow. Talking down to her every time they met.
For the love of the Gods, she'd nearly gotten her killed when she tried to get Willow's 'Abomination' dissected! How in the hell could Luz just act like this around her now?!
What… What right did she even have to feel the way she did about Luz? After everything that she'd done…
To hear Luz talk about her in such a positive light… It should make her happy.
Instead all it did was remind her of all the things that she'd done to the Human girl she'd grown so fond of. And when merged with those feelings of guilt…
...There were questions Amity wanted answers to. Needed answers to. But a big part of her was afraid of the answers.
It would be easy to say nothing. To just keep on walking, to keep these questions buried in her head...
...But Amity couldn't do that.
"Luz, can I… C - Can I ask you something?"
"Sure! Go for it!"
"...Why do you treat me the way that you do?"
The moment they left Amity's mouth, she regretted saying those words. She wished she could take them back and just keep them buried. But she was committed now.
Her heart felt like it was in her throat, but she still made herself speak. "I mean… I've treated you horribly. You've seen how I treated Willow. And - And I treated you so - So badly when you first got here!"
Luz stopped walking.
"I - I nearly got you dissected for crying out loud! I nearly burned Willow's entire memory and you had to risk your life because of my screw up! I - I nearly made you give up learning Magic! I - I - I…" A sigh left Amity, and her eyes tumbled looking at the ground. "I don't understand why you treat me the way that you do. You have… Every reason to hate me, but you're so… Nice to me, and I don't… I don't know why you call me your friend..."
A brief silence.
"... I don't know how you can be remotely glad you met me."
Another brief silence.
And then Luz turned around, and looked at Amity.
With a seriousness in her expression Amity had never seen on her face before.
But it was sincere.
And even with that seriousness in her expression, Luz still smiled.
"...Because you aren't like that anymore."
And Amity didn't have a response to that. Luz said it like it was so easy, so obvious, so simple a reason...
"Because you're not a bad person."
"Luz, you… You barely know anything about how I acted before you arrived here. You saw what I did to Willow…"
"And I know it bothers you."
"How?"
"Aside from me being there the whole time?" Luz said, jokingly, with a tilted head. She then closed the gap between the two of them, and took Amity's hands between hers. "Because you just asked me about it."
Her words were far more powerful than they had any right to be. And her hands were warm. And that look in her eyes, that didn't convey any anger or hostility…
What… Was this feeling that she was stirring in Amity?
For a minute, Luz looked almost as lost as Amity felt right now, as she tried to find the right words. Amity found that she couldn't even begin to think about looking away from Luz. She wasn't blushing though, she was certain of that much, but she didn't know why.
Amity knew Luz was fully capable of being serious when she needed to be, but it didn't feel like this before. There was something more… She didn't know the word to describe it. Heavy -
No. Heartful.
"I… Look, I know you're right and that I don't know everything about what happened before I showed up here, especially between you and Willow, but… I really don't think that you're that person anymore. I don't think you were ever that person. And you messed up, that's… Kind of hard to forget to be honest… But everyone deserves a second chance." That smile again. "And you took it. And you're better than the way you were before. You changed. You cared enough to change... And that makes me happy I know you."
Suddenly, Amity found herself being wrapped into a hug.
It wasn't the first hug she'd ever gotten from Luz. She was a very huggy person - And each time it never failed to make Amity feel like her very soul was trying to claw its way out of her body in embarrassment.
This one felt different though. Distinctly different.
The usual energy with which Luz pulled people into her hugs wasn't there - This one felt gentler. More intimate. More intentional. She had pulled Amity into her about as much as she had pulled herself into Amity, and she had her arms wrapped around the Witch. Her head rested on Amity's shoulder, and Amity's head rested on Luz's. Amity's arms just remained flopped at her side, unsure of what to do with themselves.
"...And proud that you're my friend."
...Oh.
Oh.
So that was what this was.
All the pieces suddenly clicked into place for Amity. Like it all made perfect sense right then and there. It all just came together, like she had just needed that answer for everything in her mind to make sense. Perhaps not even the answer itself, and more the sentiment, the way that Luz framed her point. How she was so open. How she was so genuine. How she was so honest.
Everything made sense to her suddenly. These feelings, this confusion - They were put into place in that moment.
This wasn't a crush.
Not anymore.
"...O-Oh…" She breathed as she realized. For a second, she hesitated.
And then she reached up with her arms, and returned the hug that Luz had given her. She held onto the Human, closely, and took the moment to try to commit the gentle warmth she emitted to memory. She took the opportunity and held Luz as close to her as Luz was holding to her. Her face was burning. The closeness left her breathless. Her heart was beating. And she had her answer.
She didn't just have a crush anymore.
It was more than that.
She was in love with this girl.
She had always had a fondness for reading, Amity mused as she flipped over a page in the book she held in her hands. Reading required her full attention. It wasn't possible to read a book if you weren't paying attention to it - You had to give it your full focus or you wouldn't understand what was going on. And if you had a particularly interesting book, that made paying attention to it very easy.
It helped that reading usually helped her to pick up facts and bits of wisdom from their authors. If it was a non-fiction text she'd learn plenty, and if it was a fictional text, she could lose herself in the world, and pick up the messages of the books through osmosis. Whatever sort of book it was, it made Amity feel like she was learning something, and wasn't just wasting time. For someone with her competitive streak and desire to be the best, that was an incredibly positive side effect. And there was just a part of her that liked to read for the sake of reading - There were thousands of texts that were just interesting to read on their own merits.
An invaluable tool to take the mind off of things, provided that you weren't over-consumed by those thoughts, which Amity had been the previous night. Now she felt more relaxed - At least, in comparison - And could let herself just be lost in words for a while.
Everything Amity needed to feel at ease and take her mind off of things could be found in the pages of a tome of some sort. It was why she spent so much of her time reading whatever was available.
How she was able to feel herself be this relaxed after the day she had had was honestly a surprise to her. She'd only gotten home maybe a half hour ago, and she was still absolutely exhausted to be sure, but she had felt compelled to read, in part to clear her head, but in part to just relax after walking back with Luz.
And yet somehow, she had picked up the one book that would remind her of Luz. Azura. There was something amusing about that fact to Amity. Azura was the one book on the entire Boiling Isles that would directly make Amity think about Luz - It was the one book that she knew Luz had read, and the one that they both enjoyed, and even talked about creating a secret club around. Last night, she hadn't even needed anything to connect Luz to her mind and she was having a panic attack about the Human. And now? She was just laying on her bed, reading a book. She wasn't going red in the face. She wasn't having a panic attack.
Yet, anyway. Somehow, she had a feeling that those were going to return to her at some point very soon. Bur for right now, she was calm.
Maybe it was because the question that had been scratching away at her mind for the last forty-eight hours had finally been answered, and she was still just riding the waves off no longer having that question hanging over her. A weight had been lifted from her. Like how it felt when one got angry at a person, and was able to vent about their problems to someone who would listen. It was a similar feeling, at least.
The issue was Amity understood it was a temporary illumination. Much like how venting about your issues and anger with a person to another was a temporary solution - The anger at the original person was still present. It would still have to be dealt with to actually be rid of the anger and move on from it.
Likewise, Amity was still in love with Luz, and that didn't go away now that she knew she was in love with Luz.
In love with Luz...
She had to laugh at herself just a bit - She felt kind of ridiculous for not having been able to figure that out in her blind panic. But now all of it had put itself together in her head, it made all the sense in the world. What she felt was way, way too intense to be a crush, but it was the only thing she had a reference to. And now she understood the extent of her feelings, well, that was at least that issue solved.
When had it transformed from a crush to being in love, she wondered. She wondered if it was before or after Grom. If she had fallen for the Human before Grom and just not realized it, or if it was the event they had been able to spend together that pushed her over the edge. It had certainly been after that that she realized that she was needing to put in actual effort into remaining composed around Luz. She wondered if that was when it evolved into love. She couldn't tell though.
And what was it that she loved about Luz? Well…
Lots of things.
And it all stemmed from just a few traits of hers, that felt so… Rare to see in the Boiling Isles.
Authenticity.
Her heartbeat quickened. Not quite immune to those feelings showing back up then, she supposed.
...Was being cruel some sort of Human cultural thing?
It was something that Amity couldn't help but notice whenever she skimmed over her Azura books. It was a theme that she couldn't help but notice, even after the first time she had ever read them. There was always a villain who had some underlying level of cruelty, even when such cruelty made next to no real sense.
There was one villain in particular she remembered who had had a plan to take over the kingdom, and burn the capital to the ground - And there were a thousand ways in which that made absolutely no sense and was beyond completely unnecessary, but they were planning on doing it anyway, from what Amity could tell, just for the sake of being cruel. It wasn't even as if the character in question had had any particular history with the city, or that doing so served some sort of 'Greater Good' goal, or even that they were particularly insane. It just seemed like they wanted to do it for the sake of doing it.
What other possible purpose could such an act even have other than being cruel for the sake of being cruel? But what purpose did that cruelty serve? If it didn't serve a purpose then what was the point? If it turned out it was the only way to save the kingdom then it would at least have a purpose.
When she was younger, it was a question that confused her the more she really thought about it and how it didn't make any real sense. All she could think was that the point of the cruelty was the cruelty. That the act in and of itself was axiomatic.
Such an observation wasn't limited to just her favourite books either. Occasionally, Hexside would decide that they all needed a lesson on the Human world, a lesson about Humans, and the way that they lived. Why it was important to be careful around them.
Every single time, there was cruelty abound.
Humans fought wars constantly, for the most absurd of reasons at times. People fought over the silliest of things. They had these weird concepts about people from different bits of land being different and having to fight over it, and sometimes they even fought among themselves. The things that people did fight for that had a just cause, Amity couldn't understand why their demands, which were sometimes as simple as having even a moderate control over their own lives, hadn't been met long, long ago. So many of the systems that they governed their lives by were subpar at best, and exploitative at worst - So it was only a matter of time before people revolted. People suffered for seemingly no reason all the time in the Human world, and Amity didn't know what possible mentality could make people act this way.
It wasn't just Human nature. Luz disproved that.
Granted, there was still so much about the Human world that she didn't know, and it was difficult to figure any of it out - Following one thread of their world and culture lead to a thousand other threads being untangled. And none of it made sense to Amity. From what she had learned from Luz, a lot of what she thought she understood was wrong anyway, so maybe she was viewing their world with a very broad brush - In fact, she knew she was. But it didn't change the fact that no matter what she learned about the Human world, or what she learned about it from Luz, there was cruelty, even in the most subtle of ways.
Was it just a Human thing to be cruel?
Another page was flipped over as Amity continued to read. Her thoughts were now starting to fill up with memories and feelings regarding her newfound revelation, and Amity had reached a conclusion of her own.
Luz was cruel too.
But Luz wasn't aware of when she had been cruel. And she was never cruel intentionally. Far from it. Luz was cruel by being so, so kind, and so… Herself, that it made Amity's heart ache over and over again.
She was in love with Luz.
When they had separated at last from their hug, and walked until they had no common paths to go down anymore, Amity had listened to Luz talk on and on about basically nothing. The sound of her voice made her heart beat faster though. Everything about her now made her heart beat faster. She acted as if nothing had happened, and Amity couldn't tell if it was because she realized that hanging onto the topic would have been too awkward for the Witch, or if it was because her mind had wandered not so long after their conversation had wrapped up, in that way that her brain seemed to do.
But they walked, and Luz both simultaneously acted as though nothing had happened, and with a tact that only someone aware of the situation could act with, and made efforts to make the situation feel less awkward. And Amity could already tell, but tomorrow, Luz wouldn't say a word about any of this. Not unless Amity did first. And she was thankful for that.
Once their paths diverged, Amity turned back, and just watched as Luz walked away. Such a simple pleasure made her feel like every nerve ending was alive and screaming at her.
Two mindsets had evolved from the revelation today.
The first one was liberation - After everything that she had gone through, had spent days and days trying to figure out, she finally had her answer. She knew why Luz made her feel so much.
And the second one was the absolute dread of not knowing how to proceed from there.
But for now she was still calm. Tomorrow, she didn't know if she would be.
Tomorrow though, she knew that Luz was going to be as equally oblivious to her then as she had been today. Blissfully so.
And there was something about that that was just… A weird flavour of unaware cruelty. There was no way Luz could know the effect that she had on Amity. But Amity wondered what her response would be if she did know.
I wrote this in like, a week. This is what happens when i get invested in a thing.
YEP - We're Owl Housing this now - I caught up on the series lately and holy Christ it got so much better than I thought it would get. I am so in favour of all of these developments - Every single one of 'em. This idea got itself stuck into my head and WELP here we are!
If you've followed my work a while you'll know that I have a MHA series called Five Words, which I've always been proud of, and a She-Ra Fic I wrote recently called Mistakes Made, Mistakes Missed, both of which follow the format I want for this fic - Long chapters, lots of character thought and analysis, small number of chapters, and the likes. Owl House is perfect for this so I'm using this format again! I have many ideas for this one - and a few one-shots I'll be releasing alongside this, though they won't be related to this story.
Also we're just gonna have to pretend episode 18 didn't happen because that episode has kind of screwed my timeline for this fic. I watched it while drunk and high too, so like, that was a mistake and I demand Lumity to soothe the soul SO we're just gonna pretend that didn't happen for the purposes of this fic.
Updates will come pretty much whenever I finish a chapter but given how much fun I had writing this one I don't imagine it'll be too long. This fic has started to mean a lot to me so I'd love for it to do well so I'll be putting a lot of effort into this one. I hope ya'll enjoyed! : D