Shingeki no Christmas
Chapter 1: Secret Santa
Eren shivered as he crossed his arms and hugged his chest to protect himself from the biting cold. It was only early winter but the between the iron grey sky, the raging blizzard, and the gloom of the run down castle that was the Scout Regiment's safe house, he was more than ready for summer. The snow had been falling for hours and at least a foot of snow covered the ground making it impossible to go outside without getting frostbite. He and the his fellow comrades had been lounging around the dining area for hours and at this point he wasn't sure which would kill him first: the titans or his own boredom.
"What are we all sitting around here for?! We should be thinking of a way to get to my basement so we can get defeat the titans once and for all!" He exclaimed.
"Calm your tits, Jaeger. How about you do yourself a favor and head to your room and spend some quality time with your right hand," smirked Jean without looking up from the chair he was leaning back in.
"Yeah, Eren, with this snow, there's no way we'll be able to go on the expedition for at least another week," pipped Armin.
"Ugh..." Eren wasn't in the mood to deal with Jean's shit at the moment, so he just shot him a dirty look and returned to pouting in his seat.
"Oi! When's Squad Leader Hanji going to get here? She said she had an important announcement for us an hour ago!" said Connie.
"Maybe she forgot about us," said Sasha.
"No, I'm sure she's on her way. She probably just got sidetracked or something," replied Christa.
"Yeah, she probably found herself a hot titan and decided to give it blow job," smirked Ymir.
"Ymir! That's not nice!" Christa snapped.
"Like I give a shit," drawled Ymir. "But seriously, if I don't have to be stuck in this shit hole than I'm going back to my room. You coming, Christa?"
"I would wait, Ymir. She's coming in right now…" said Mikasa, breaking her silence. As if on cue, the door to the dining hall burst open and in walked Squad Leader Hanji closely followed by Captain Levi and Commander Erwin. Eren knew this was supposed to be an important meeting, but to have the two of them there too? What could possibly be going on?
"Hello everyone! So sorry I'm late but I had some last minute preparations to do for our latest team building activity!"
"Oh great…another one…" Reiner muttered under his breath. The last team building activity that Hanji had come up with involved the new recruits pairing up into partners and doing a trust fall. It went exactly how it sounded: terribly.
"Now, as you all know it's one week until Christmas! And with this snow, we won't be able to embark on the expedition we had planned so that will have to wait. But until then, no use in sitting around twiddling our thumbs. Erwin, Levi, and I came up with a wonderful way to spend the next week to make it productive and fun for everybody!"
"No, I'm pretty sure it was all your idea, shitty glasses," said Levi in a tone somewhere between boredom and disgust.
"Oh, ok I guess I can take all the credit then! Thank you Levi!"
"Don't mention it."
"Anyway, as you might know over 2000 years ago, humans used to perform an ancient Christmas tradition time called a 'Secret Santa.' They would get a group of people together, write their names on pieces of paper, put them in a bowl, and everyone would pick one out. Whoever's name you pulled, you have to give them gifts for the week until Christmas without the other person finding out that it's you. On Christmas day, everyone finds out who was giving them gifts. Doesn't that sound like fun?!"
"Why's it called 'Secret Santa?" asked Sasha.
"What's a Santa?" asked Connie.
"Tch…you uneducated brats are hopeless. What do they teach you in school?" said Levi. "As you know, Christmas has always been a time for giving gifts to your family and friends. But over 2000 years ago, people believed that there was a powerful god named Santa who would bring them gifts if they left an offering of milk and cookies for him on Christmas Eve night."
"Wow…they must have had a lot of money to be able to afford milk and cookies!" exclaimed Christa.
"More like that Santa guy must have been a fat piece of shit if he ate everyone's milk and cookies. Does he know how expensive those are?!" said Jean in disgust.
"Watch your mouth, you little shit," snapped Levi.
"No really, that's kind of a weird explanation. It doesn't really make sense. If that was the real meaning of Christmas, why didn't we learn that in school? There must be some other reason for Christmas" said Armin thoughtfully.
"Well, all history lessons aside, we thought we could use this downtime for some much needed team bonding. I personally think it's much needed after the trust fall fiasco," said Commander Erwin, "with that said, without further ado, when your name is called, you will come up to the front, draw a piece of paper out of this bowl, and the person whose name is written on the paper will be the receiver of your gifts for the week. Hanji, would you do the honors?"
"Certainly, Erwin!" squeaked Hanji, "Christa Lenz, why don't you start out?"
"Ok!" Christa skipped to the front of the room and reached her hand into the wooden bowl that contained the names of all her comrades. After rummaging around for half a second, she pulled one out, unfolded a yellowed slip of paper, and read the name scribbled upon on it in Hanji's nearly illegible scrawl. Armin Arlet. "Ok! Great! Thank you!" she squeaked as she folded the paper back up and put it in the pocket of her jacket and walked back to her seat.
"Excellent!" said Hanji, "Connie Springer, you next!"
"Alright whatever," Connie said nonchalantly as he walked to the front and picked the first piece of paper his hand touched. Sasha Braus. "Alright! Maybe this Secret Spanta thing won't suck so bad after all!" He exclaimed taking his seat.
"Good! Next, Eren Jaeger!" Eren wordlessly walked to the front of the room, shuffled the paper around and picked out. Jean Kirschtein. "UGH!" He scowled "I want another one!"
"Nope! No take backs, trades, or no shows allowed! Or you'll be cleaning castle with Levi every day until spring!" quipped Hanji.
"WHAT?! NO! I'm not give this person jack!"
"EREN!" Mikasa raised her voice over him and strode to the front. She grabbed his forearm and looked him dead in the eye as she said, "you will take what you get and be thankful for it. There are much worse things that could happen than giving a gift."
"Whatever Mikasa!" Eren had just about had enough as he stomped back to his seat and crumpled the paper up in his hand.
"I'm going next." Mikasa stated as she reached her hand into the bowl and pulled out a slip of paper. Eren Jaeger. Mikasa's eyes widened for a second and she hung her head to hide the blush creeping across her cheeks.
"Everything alright, Ackerman? Or are you just constipated?" Drawled Levi.
"Fine, sir," Mikasa said as she took her seat.
"OK! Next Jean Kirschtein!" Jean sauntered to the front and reached for the bowl. Mikasa Ackerman. He struggled to maintain his composure as he felt a grin tugging at the sides of his mouth and strode back to his seat wordlessly with a smile on his face.
"Armin Arlet!" Armin reached in. Ymir.
"Reiner Braun!" Reiner stuck his hand in. Christa Lenz.
"Annie Leonhart!" Connie Springer.
"Bertholt Huber!" Annie Leonhart.
"Ymir!" Bertholt Huber.
"Sasha Braus!" Reiner Braun.
"Alright! Levi! Your turn!"
"WHOA! I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS!" snapped Levi, "I said I'd help you organize the brats, not participate in these shenanigans!"
"Oh that's fine! In that case you can help me with research! I have A TON of things to catch up on this week! I have to begin the second round of sunlight deprivation trials on Sonny and Bean, document the field data I got form the pain experiment, and I think I'm SO close to a breakthrough in the communication trials so I-"
"Give me that," Levi said flatly, snatching the bowl out of her hand. He grabbed a piece of paper out and opened it. Hanji Zoe. He didn't bother to hide the look of disgust on his face as he folded the paper up and tucked it into the pocket of his pants. If he wasn't being forced to spend the week working on "research" with that bird nosed crack pot, he was being forced to shower her with gifts. Great. This was going to be a bang up week.
"OK! That leaves me!" Hanji put her and in the bowl and pulled out a slip of paper. Levi Ackerman. "Wonderful! This week is going to full of fun and Christmas joy!"
"What about you, Commander Erwin?" asked Christa, "are you not going to be doing this with us?"
Erwin laughed, "No, no. I have some important matters to attend to this week. So I won't be directly participating in the gift exchange. But if you need any help or inspiration, feel free to find me. I'd be more than happy to help."
"Alright! Well that concludes our meeting! I hope you all have fun this week and don't forget to keep your identity secret from each other!" with that her, Levi, and Erwin left the room.
"Well this has been fun, but I'm going to bed. If I'm stuck getting one of you losers something for Christmas, I might as well get some sleep to think up the perfect gift," said Jean sarcastically as he rose from his seat.
"Yeah I think we're going to tuck in too. It's getting late," said Reiner and he and Bertholt stood up.
"Me too!" said Sasha.
"G'night guys," said Connie. With that they all left the room except for Eren, Armin, and Mikasa who were still left alone at their seats in the empty dining hall.
"This is stupid. Why on earth should I waste my time giving a gift to someone I don't even like!" grumbled Eren.
"There's no point in complaining," said Mikasa, "you don't have a choice in the matter. Unless you'd rather spend the week cleaning with Levi. You know how that turned out last time." Just the thought of his last cleaning excursion made Eren shudder.
"Yeah it's not worth it," said Armin, "cheer up, Eren, it might be fun! Plus we haven't had a real Christmas since we left Shaganshina."
"I guess….I never really got the point of Christmas though. Who cares about getting gifts that you never use anyway? It's just an excuse to spend our money so that taxes can go straight into the King's pocket," Said Eren with a frown.
"I never quite understood it either. I heard long ago Christmas was meant to be a time of peace throughout the world," said Mikasa.
"Yeah, I heard something like that too," said Armin, "As interesting as it sounds, I highly doubt the stuff Captain Levi said about Santa is entirely true. I wonder what the real meaning of Christmas was, or is, rather…" he said thoughtfully.
"Well sitting here thinking about it isn't going to change anything. Regardless of whatever Christmas means, we still have to get presents for our people. Who did you guys get anyway?"
"I'm not telling you. That's supposed to be a surprise!" Armin replied with a sheepish grin.
"Oh come on! Don't tell me you're buying into that delusional woman's ideas now!"
"I'm not! But it would ruin the fun!"
"Ugh fine, whatever, you're no fun! Mikasa, who'd you get?"
"What?! Oh, um no one," Mikasa said trying to hide the blush that began to creep across her face again, "you…you'll find out at the end of the week."
"You guys are lame! Whatever I'm going to bed too. I'll see you in the morning," said Eren, getting up to leave."
"Hey! Wait for us!" said Armin as they left the dining hall and headed to their respective rooms. For better or for worse, this next week would be interesting.