Last Night Fred

by Clementine Buttersnaps

After the war, Hermione decides to take a year off from magic and goes to a muggle university. She gets clearance to have friends stay for the weekend and invites Harry, Ron, Fred, George and Ginny to stay. Hermione convinces them to go with her to this exciting thing called a fraternity party- chaos ensues but no one can remember in the morning.

Hello! So funny story, this was actually the first Harry Potter fic I came up with, but then other ideas got a hold of me and forced me to write them.

Rated for language- because, Ron.

Gonna let you know I'm taking canon, crumbling it up into a little ball and tossing it in the garbage, there might be some things true to the story, but mostly not, any problems? Good, lets go!

Plot: After the war, Hermione decides to take a year off from magic and goes to a muggle university before accepting a professors job at Hogwarts. She gets clearance to have friends stay for the weekend and invites Harry, Ron, Fred, George and Ginny to stay. Hermione convinces them to go with her to this exciting thing called a fraternity part(ies)y chaos ensues but no one can remember in the morning.

...

Hermione scanned her small flat, it was just on the edge of campus, a little on the small side- but thanks to the mass of money she was given for 'such brave and noble heroics responsible for the downfall of You-Know-Who.' A load of shite if you asked her, anyone with a sense of decency would have done what Harry, Ron, herself and countless others had done.- was all hers. She deserved this; taking a year off of well, everything. No magic, except for the occasional owl from friends to keep them and herself updated on the goings ons of their lives, she had her wand for emergencies, but other than that she was completely off the magical grid.

After that year in the woods, and so much fighting and death, she made a promise to indulge herself after she finished her last year at Hogwarts. She sent off a few applications and was extremely surprised when she was accepted to Bridgeford university, as it was her top choice. She gave herself one year; one year away from everyone that knew her name, a year away from the burden of being the happy face of the Golden Trio. And unfortunately a year away from friends; until her self imposed exile/vacation was over and she'd take that Professor of Charms position at Hogwarts.

Hermione had almost gone crazy from loneliness when a owl had smashed into her closed window, telling her that her friends were coming for a visit that weekend. And as luck would have it, a boy from her creative writing class, Tobias, had invited her to what muggles call a "fraternity party." And he was so very excited to introduce her to his boyfriend, Max. Who had been dying to meet her for weeks, as she had defended Tobias when some fat head had started pushing him around.

It had also been almost a year since she had last seen Fred, and they had that incredibly awkward goodbye.

Hermione shook her head. It would do no good to think about that, not when he and the rest of her friends would be arriving at any moment. She ran through and made sure everything was put away, and neat.

She had practically tripped over herself trying to answer the knock at the door. She flung the door open and was greeted with the face of her dearest friend. "Harry!" She cried, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Can't breathe, 'Mione." His voice was muffled, speaking into her hair.

She pulled away from him, not in the least bit sorry.

"Ginny, you look wonderful, engagement suits you." Hermione said pulling the beautiful ginger in for a bone crushing hug.

"Please don't kill her, I'd hate to try and break a new one in," Harry said jokingly, pulling Ginny out of her arms.

"Sorry, I've just missed everyone. Oh, Ron! You're so tall!" She said throwing her arms around his neck.

He gave a deep chuckle and twirled her around. "I don't think I've grown much, maybe you've just gotten smaller." He teased.

"Oh hush, you. George! Good to see you." She said giving him a squeeze.

"Best not leave out Fred, love. Old boy has been driving me mad since you left." He whispered before letting her go.

Hermione did her best not to blush at his comment. She looked to Fred who was looking around her flat, obviously nervous but trying not to show it. She stepped away from George and stood in front of Fred.

"Hey, Fred. How are you?" She asked awkwardly, shuffling her feet.

Fred smiled at her. "A lot better now." He said giving her a quick hug. She pulled away with a smile and stepped back to join the rest of the friends.

"Right, so, get your things settled. I have a surprise for you, have any of you heard of a fraternity party?" She asked looking at each of her guests.

Fred and George shared devilish smirks.

"Oh, it-"

"-Is on!"

Hermione smiled excitedly, "Who is ready for some fun?"

...

Hermione was the first to wake up, her head felt like it split in two, and like she's strapped to her bed. Carefully reaching down to remove her bindings she's terrified to feel the skin of an arm thrown over her torso. She looks to her left and comes face to face with a sleeping -and snoring- Fred Weasley. She frantically checks her and her bedmate and is relieved to see they are still fully clothed.

Dear God. What the hell happened last night?

Hermione closes her eyes and tries to remember.

Everything is fuzzy. There's small flying plastic balls and red cups on a table, Fred standing next to her. And then nothing.

She gently removes herself from bed and tries to make a quiet exit to the bathroom, but is unfortunately tripped by something in the floor.

"Dear God, what the hell did we do last night?"

George.

Hermione pulls herself up from the floor and sits next to George. "Not sure, let's get something cooking and we'll all talk." He stands up and follows her to the small kitchen. She makes scrambled eggs and toast before waking everyone up.

There are grumbles but Fred sits up from Hermione's bed. Hermione looks around the room, confused, there should be more people here right?

"Where are Harry and Ron?" She asks, glancing at the twins.

The ginger men share a look before shrugging their shoulders and digging into their breakfast.

"It's a bit fuzzy-" one starts.

"-don't remember much after we started that muggle game-" the other continues.

"-beer pong, we crushed that game, Gred." George finished.

Hermione blows a wayward strand of hair from her face. "We'll just have to retrace our night and find them. Couldn't be that hard."

Fred and George scrape their plates clean and banish them to the sink. Fred looks around the room before a look of panic sets in. "You alright, Fred?" Hermione asks.

"I brought my broom just in case, put it in my back pocket before we left. I can't find it, I just bought it last week." He says looking put out.

"Maybe you dropped it at the frat house?" She offers trying to be reassuring.

Fred nods, grabbing his jacket from the floor.

"Let's get going, who knows where those boys may have gone." Hermione says taking her keys from the glass bowl by the door. The boys follow her out of the flat and into the blinding sun.

"Oi, tell me again, why didn't we down a gallon of that hangover potion we sent you off with?" George asks, shielding his eyes. Hermione's face turns pink and she pointedly looks away from the twins. "Would you look at that, Freddie? That's the face of a liar. 'Oh, George don't bother, I won't ever need this.'" He says raising the cadence of his voice to sound feminine. "'I still have the whole bottle under the bathroom sink.' 'It's a waste to give me something like that.' Ho-ho, what a little vixen muggle university has turned you into. I dare say, Fred, we might even get her to buy a few of our tricks." George said nudging his brother.

"Oh, honestly, the bottle wasn't that big. And I do like to have fun, from time to time." she said defensively.

Fred winked at her, causing her cheeks to redden again.

...

They reached the house Tobias had brought them to last night; there was garbage strewn all over the yard, the occasional person sleeping on the lawn created a slight obstacle course to reach the front door.

George knocked on the door and the three of them stood, listening to the muffled curses and thunks on the other side before the door was wrenched open by a giant of a man. He was at least 6 and a half feet tall and was built like a brick house. He wore a rugby jersey, and his curly black hair was frizzy and sticking in every direction. "Yeah? What do you wan- Hermione!" The man shouted excitedly and pushed the two red heads aside and scooped Hermione up and swung her around like she was a doll.

"Listen here, you, you, huge person-"

"Good one Fred."

Fred glared at his brother. "But that is our friend you are crushing." He finished.

The tall man looked sheepishly down at the girl still in his arms and set her down. "Sorry," he said and stepping back, putting a bit of distance between them. "I'm just so happy!"

Hermione smiled timidly at him. "That's wonderful, er..."

The tall man looked a bit disappointed that she didn't seem to remember him, but a smile over took his handsome face again. "Hugh, you don't remember last night?"

"I'm sorry, Hugh, I don't." She said genuinely sad that she couldn't remember this happy fellow.

"That's bad luck," he said shaking his head sadly. "But with as much as you lot drank, that's understandable."

"Hugh, where did you go- Hermione!" A sweet voice chirped from behind Hugh, followed by a small woman with brown hair throwing herself at Hermione.

"Easy, love, they can't remember last night." Hugh said, prying the excited woman off of Hermione.

"Tough break," the woman said. "Well, my name is Stevie. And you gave this big lug the courage to talk to me last night and made me the happiest woman alive!" The small woman gushed, jumping up and down in her excitement.

One of the boys cleared their throats.

"Right, I'm sure that's an exciting story, but we're actually here to find our mates, it seems they never made it back with us last night." Hermione said, stepping into the house, Fred and George following.

Stevie latched onto Hermione and began chattering away, thanking her for pushing her and Hugh into that closet.

"You looking for another Ginger and a man with dark hair and glasses?" Hugh asked, an amused smile on his face as he watched the girls, Stevie still bouncing around, and Hermione looking slightly agitated.

"Yeah, our brother and his friend."

"Well, I don't remember seeing them after we started that game, but you're welcome to look around." The boys tore Hermione away from the talkative Stevie and began searching the house and grounds.

...

After an hour of searching with no luck and Hermione promising to visit Hugh and Stevie for tea soon the three ended up back at Hermione's flat.

"Where could they have gone?" George muttered.

"If they had taken their wands we could track them that way." Fred said, giving Hermione a pointed look.

"I said I was sorry for making you leave them here! I didn't want you all to get tipsy and pull them out." She huffed, flinging herself on her bed.

Fred slumped against her coat closet door, trying to think of what to do next. His resulting thump was answered by a weak knock from the inside. "What in the..." He opened the door and someone tumbled out.

"Malfoy?!" Hermione asked loudly, rushing to the crumpled figure on the floor. She rolled him over and gasped at the red staining his crisp white shirt. "What the hell are you doing here? Are you hurt?"

"Blimey, Granger, lower your voice." Draco hissed, rubbing his temples with his red stained fingers.

"Is that blood?" Fred asked.

Draco examined his fingers before licking one. Hermione, George and Fred wore matching looks of disgust on their faces.

"Jelly," Draco sighed and let his head drop to the floor.

George laughed, "I remember a bit now,"

Fred and Hermione turned to him. "You do?" Fred asked his brother.

"Yeah, I decided to leave the party, see if I could find some mischief and ran into the ferret -Draco- at a house down the street. Hey, mate, what happened after that?"

Fred and Hermione shared a look of confusion, since when were George and Draco friends? Yeah, the git had come around after the war, but none of them went out for drinks or anything.

"I want to know how he got in here." Hermione piped up.

George scratched his head, trying to remember.

"George said I could sleep here, but you woke up as we came in, he panicked and shoved me in the closet. I must have blacked out." Draco said sitting up from the floor. "As for where we went after, I think I have an idea."

...

"You two got pissed and decided to get donuts?" Hermione asked as the four of them stood outside of the small shop.

Draco and George grunted in answer.

As they got closer to the store they could see two men wiping counters and walls, the sitting area of the shop looked like it had been in the middle of a war zone.

They opened the door and stepped inside. The walls were splattered with jelly and cream, donuts scattered the floor and a few tables had been turned on their sides.

"No, no, no! You can't come in here!" A man shouted, walking over to the group.

"I'm sorry, but do you know these two?" Hermione asked, putting her hands in front of her to stop the advancing man.

"Oh, I know them alright. They stormed in here just before closing and started a food fight, upended the tables to use as shields. This one-" he said, pointing at George. "Licked all the glaze off the maple bars. And this one-" he said point to Draco. "Declared himself the king of the world and threw jelly filled donuts at myself and my dad when we got too close to his table." He took a deep calming breath. "They only left after we threatened to phone the police."

"I'm very sorry sir, did they mention where they were going next?" Hermione asked, sending the boys scathing looks. The boys looked around, avoiding her eyes.

"No, but the ginger one said something about a brother and a flag pole. Now, if you four will leave, I have a huge mess to clean up."

Hermione and the guys apologized again and left the store.

"I can not believe you!" Hermione shouted, poking Draco and George in the chest. All three boys shared an amused look as she ranted and raved about responsible behavior in the parking lot.

"Are you finished yet?" George called out. Hermione twirled around and raised a finger to his face, almost poking his nose. "Easy, I think I know where Ron is." George said, holding his hands up in surrender.

Draco started to laugh, a deep belly laugh, doubling over and clutching at his sides. "I though I dreamed that up! Oh, this is fantastic!" Draco said cheerfully.

"Not helping, Malfoy." George said. He pushed Draco in front of him, they were walking back towards the university.

"Come along, 'Mione. We're going on an adventure!" Fred said throwing an arm over her shoulder and leading her behind George and Draco.

...

The closer they got to the quad the louder the noise of laughter, shouting and taunting got.

"Just take a bloody picture, it'll last longer you little shites!"

Definitely Ron.

Hermione pushed through the crowd of students, all of them laughing and chattering, a few of them had cameras in their hands.

"I'm going to break every single one of your fingers if you take another one, you smelly prick!" Ron shouted.

Hermione stopped when she got to the front of the crowd; there was Ron, naked as the day he was born, tied up to the flag pole, his hands just barely able to cover himself.

"Ron! Are you alright?" She asked trying to untie the ropes.

"Does it look like I'm bloody alright?! Those two arseholes found me on the sidewalk, took my clothes and strung me up here! What are you looking at you ugly twat!" Ron yelled at some stragglers.

Fred, George and Draco had corralled everyone from the area and had transfigured a couple of leafs into a pair of shorts and a shirt. He slipped them on before shoving George to the ground and punching Draco in the stomach.

The two downed boys, although in various degrees of pain, still managed to laugh. Hermione and Fred held Ron back from attacking them again.

"Your fight is going to have to wait, we're still missing Harry. Do you remember anything?"

"No much, last place I saw him was at a house down the street."

"Why couldn't we all just stick together? It's a good thing Fred had the decency to make sure I wasn't alone." She said helping Draco and George up.

"Trust me, love, wild horses couldn't have taken Freddie away after I caught you two snogging in the closet after you won that beer pong game." George said smugly.

Hermione's eyes snapped over to Fred, who looked just as surprised as she did. "I- uh, we- wha- oh, bugger." She trailed off, not seeing the satisfied smile cross his face.

"You old dog," George laughed, bumping his brothers shoulder, making his ears turn pink.

"Alright, alright, let's go; Ron lead the way. Fred, we'll talk later." She added just for him, grinning before following the others.

Hermione caught up to Draco and Ron, George lagged behind to talk to his twin. "Well, it looks like Last Night Fred finally found the bollocks to make a move. Is Today Freddie gonna do something about it?"

Fred smirked at his twin in reply.

George let out a whoop of laughter. "Brilliant!"

...

"You sure you and Harry came here?" Hermione asked, looking wearily at the simple cottage before them. The yard was spotless, save for some children's toys. It certainly didn't look like there had been a wild party the night before.

"Positive, I remember people jousting with pool noodles on those trikes." He points to the small bikes in front of the garage.

Ron knocks on the door and it opens a minute later, a young man with long blond hair smiles. "Weasley! Epic times last night, yeah?" He says enthusiastically, raising his fist, which Ron awkwardly bumps.

"Yeah, good times. Say, have you seen my mate, 'bout this high, dark hair with a scar on his forehead?" Ron asks impatiently.

The man furrows his brows in thought. "I don't know, the house is full of people, feel free to look around. Don't bother being quiet, my parents are due home soon, so people need to be shoving off."

Ron nods and pats him on the shoulder and goes inside. The rest follow after him and split up.

Hermione decides to look out back, she steps over a half naked man, her cheeks blazing. A guy and a girl are sleeping in an empty kiddy pool, there's even a man passed out on the roof! But none of them are Harry.

She makes her way to the door that leads to the garage, the door is open and she can hear someone snoring in the darkness. She steps in and feels around for a switch, she flicks the light on. She can hardly contain her giggles at the sight she is greeted to. The great Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding world is sleeping on a pool table, spooning a large teddy bear; on closer examination he appears to be wearing a coconut bar over his shirt.

Hermione takes a deep breath to dispel the giddiness and struts over to her friend and shakes him awake.

"Harry!" She hisses poking his cheek.

"Few more minutes, love." Harry mumbles into the bear.

"It's Hermione, get up, you fool." Hermione says finally giggling.

Harry cracks open an eye. "Oh, Merlin, where am I?" He groans, sitting up.

"A garage, I'm not even going to ask." She says gesturing to his chest.

"Probably best not to, even if I could remember." He says with a blush, taking the coconut bra off and flinging across the garage. "Please don't tell Fred and George."

"Don't tell me and Forge what?" Fred asks entering the room, the rest of their group in tow.

"That I was sleeping with this bear!" Harry rushes out, cutting off Hermione.

"Great, we've got everyone. Let's go shall we?" Hermione says leaving the boys in the garage.

...

"I can't believe I still haven't found my broom! What if some muggle finds it, and uses it to clean things!" Fred said with a shudder. He took a left when he should have gone straight, claiming it was a short cut back to Hermione's flat.

"You've never been in the area before, Fred!" Hermione shouted behind him.

"Yes, but I have a wonderful sense of direction. Whoa." He finished stopping short.

The whole block of houses ahead of them were covered in toilet paper. Stuffed in mailboxes, in the trees, wrapped around cars and shrubbery.

"I'd hate to have to clean this mess up." George muttered, Malfoy nodded in agreement.

Just then the front door to the house they had stopped in front of burst open and a man charged out pointing at them.

"You've got some nerve showing back here!" He said stopping in front of George and Draco. "I don't know how the two of you did this, but you're going to clean this mess up." He said jabbing Draco's chest. Hermione decided to step in when she seen Draco reaching for his wand.

"Sir, I'm very sorry. Of course they'll clean it up." She said stepping between the men.

The man rounded on her, his face softened just a bit. "You should rethink your friends, love, these two like to set bags of shite on fire and put them on door steps!" He said turning back to George at the end of his sentence getting riled up again.

"We'll clean the mess up," Hermione promised.

"Well, you two just wait right here, I'm phoning the police!"

He said turning around and going back to the house. Fred, George and Draco were tripping over each other to run away. Draco slipped and landed on his butt, he let out a painful yelp and rolled to his side and reached in his back pocket and pulled out a shrunken broom.

"My baby! Why do you have this?" Fred asked accusingly.

"Oh! I remember! I borrowed it before we left. Came in pretty handy to get the tops of those trees. I gave it to Malfoy when that man chased us off his lawn." George said sheepishly.

"If there is one scratch-"

The sound of sirens in the distance cut him off.

"Run, it's the fuzz!" Ron shouted taking off down the street.

Everyone else's ran after him. They reached Hermione's flat and all of them fell into her entry way trying to all get in at once. They all laid there, in a pile catching their breath, when someone started to giggle. It didn't take long before they were all laughing, they'd calm down but then someone would catch someone's eye and it'd start all over.

After they calmed down they untangled themselves and sat on the floor.

"You never said why you here, Draco." Hermione asked wiping her eyes.

Draco shrugged. "I like to come here from time to time. Muggle parties are much more fun than the stuffy events my parents call parties."

"So you just hang around muggle universities and crash parties?" George asked.

Draco smirked and nodded. "Plus, muggle girls aren't as prudish as Pureblood witches after a few drinks."

George grinned. "Wicked,"

"Don't even think about it, George, your mother would have your head." Hermione chided.

The smiled dropped from his face and he paled. "Speaking of the boss, we'd best head back before she sends the Aurors after us." George stands up and helps Fred to stand. There's shuffling around as everyone gets their coats, they're all grouped together at the door, Hermione is hugging everyone goodbye.

"Thanks for the invite, but I think I'm done with muggles for a while." Ron says hugging her tightly, and stepping out her door.

"Well, Granger, I actually had fun with you today." He said putting his hand out for her to shake.

She rolled her eyes and accepted his hand. "Yeah, you weren't so bad either, Malfoy."

"I hear there's a party next weekend-"

"Not on your life, Malfoy." She said with a teasing smile.

"Fair enough, can I crash here afterwards?" He asked with a lazy grin.

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. "Sure, but no funny stuff."

"Ew, as if." He said before walking gracefully from her flat.

Hermione chuckled and turned to George and Harry who were next to leave. "I'm so glad you guys came." She said hugging them both.

There was a clamor from the hallway, "Bloody hell," Ginny muttered, stumbling into the living room. "Let's my stiff neck and achy back be a lesson to you, don't sleep in the tub." She said rubbing her neck.

Harry's eyes bug out and he rushes to her, pulling her into his arms. "Oh, I'm so sorry, darling, we forgot about you."

Ginny gently pats his back. "Oh that's alright, love, we all had too much- wait, what do you mean you forgot me? What in Merlin's name happened last night?" She asked getting angry.

"I'll tell you at home. Bye 'Mione," Harry said rushing his fiancé out the door, George giving Fred a broad smile and wiggling his eyebrows at Hermione before following them out.

The air turned a bit awkward when the pair realized they were alone.

"So, I guess we snogged last night." Fred said lightly, trying to lighten the mood.

Hermione smiled. "It seems so," she said taking a small step toward him.

"Do you think if the opportunity were to present itself again- and there is no alcohol in the vicinity- we might try again? I quite think I'd like to remember kissing you." Fred murmured, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Hermione glanced down at her hands before looking into Fred's eyes. "I think I'd like that too." She looked down at his lips, gathering the courage for what she was about to do. She slowly raised up on to her tip toes and gently cupped his cheek, bring him down to her lips. The kiss wasn't full of heat or crazed passion, but felt like hope and held promise.

Fred let his hand rest on the curve of her waist and broke the sweet kiss.

"Mum is having lunch this Sunday and she said you are not excused from it."

Hermione nodded and reached up bringing their lips together again. "I'll see you then." She said when she pulled away.

Fred looked dazed, he reached behind him for the door handle, fumbled a bit before it opened. "Bye," he said dreamily. He turned and bumped his nose on the door behind him.

Hermione didn't bother suppressing her giggle. "Goodbye, Fred."

Fred grabbed her and kissed her one more time. "Bye," he said again.

"Bye," Hermione laughed.

"Oh for the love of canary creams, let's go!" George shouted from the hall making Fred and Hermione blush.

"I'm coming, don't get your knickers in a twist!" Fred yelled. He looked back at Hermione and gave her a dopey grin. He went to pull her to him again but George had grown impatient and put him in a headlock.

"Come along, lover boy. She said you'd see her again on Sunday." He looked over to Hermione. "As for you, you little minx, we'll be having a brother to girlfriend chat when you arrive." He said with a cheeky grin, then proceeded to drag Fred away.

Hermione closed the door and let out a puff of air. She grabbed some of her hair and sniffed it, it smelled heavily of alcohol and smoke. "Shower, definitely need one."

She went to bed that night thinking about how a silly party had turned her life upside down in the most wonderful way.

...

There you have it!

This was inspired by an episode of Psych called "Last Night Gus" if you haven't seen it, watch it. That show is hilarious.

Hermione goes to a fictional university called Bridgeford, it's a mixture of Cambridge and Oxford.

Sometime in the near future I plan to do another chapter and reveal what they did on their night of drunken craziness. So let me know if you're interested in that.

Thank you so much for reading, please leave a review on your way out. :)