So I recently got addicted to Twilight femslash and really enjoyed some of the Bella/Victoria stuff I found. It's tied in my mind with Bella/Alice and Bella/Jane as a pairing, but those would have different dynamics and starting points for their relationships. Instead, I wanted to really look at Victoria. She's such a rich character, and I want to see what she'll do, while exploring some of the more… interesting sides of Twilight's mythos and lore. I love the Hollows books (also known as the Rachel Morgan series), and its portrayal of vampires makes me shiver (in a good way). Themes like denial and acceptance of self, inability to ignore instincts, etc. will probably be showing up here.

Important Note: I'm working with the canonical version of Victoria here, not her movie version. The difference? Canon Victoria was eighteen when she was turned and looks like she should still be in school.

In the end is this all we can ask for?
Breathing every day and night just waiting

Calling out but silence
Talking but no words

Broken in pieces

- When We Wake - Blood Red Shoes

Chapter 1:
Encounters

One week after the Cullens' departure

I was running.

Running as fast as I could, my heart pounding and blood thrumming through my veins. Forks' dreary atmosphere clung to the surface of the earth in a fog as thick as split-pea soup, preventing me from seeing further than seven feet into the dense snarl of vegetation. It completely obstructed me as I kept moving forward, with leaves and branches whipping past me, roots reaching up to try and trip me.

It was a miracle I hadn't yet.

Behind me somewhere came a laugh. A laugh like sunlight glancing off of the rain. Like an angel, dancing on the wind. But I knew the truth. If she was an angel, she had fallen long ago.

"Isabeeellaaaaaa." A whisper on my right, reaching out of the fog and brushing me like a ghostly hand. I jerked and stumbled, hastily attempting to turn and flee in the opposite direction as my lungs began to burn. I was beginning to become both lightheaded and nauseous from my efforts to evade her.

I wouldn't last much longer.

Stupid forests. Stupid Forks. Stupid Washington. Why did I have to decide to move here from Phoenix?

A giggle on my left drew my attention and I was unable to stop myself from looking, which in turn kept me from noticing the vine-like root that finally tripped me. I was brought tumbling down in my typically graceless fashion, my face colliding with the earth of the forest (thankfully soft enough to keep me from breaking my nose, although it felt like I had been kicked in the head). I lay there for an infinitesimal moment trying to regain the breath that had been forced from my lungs, my head fuzzy and throbbing from the fall.

Something primitive screamed at me in my mind, and in less than a moment my vision was filled with red.

It cascaded over her shoulder like liquid fire, falling down and framing that hideously beautiful face, a face that could have been in the same year as me at school. Her lips were curled into a righteously sadistic smirk, and burgundy eyes stared down at me, freezing me in place at the same time they drew me in.

Victoria.

"Hello, Isabella."

I was suddenly flying through the air, everything inverted. Up was down, and down was up, the sky beneath me. Something impacted me on my left, accompanied with a sharp 'crack' that I knew was my arm and at least one of my ribs breaking. A cold hand as hard as granite gripped my neck as I fell, grabbing me before I crumpled and holding me up, sharp bark digging into my back. I fought against her fingers to try and inhale, scrabbling at her wrist with my right hand to try and pry the digits apart and grant me some relief. My head was starting to feel real fuzzy, like cotton-balls in my brain, and then my vision began to go, blackness surrounding everything like a tunnel and making it so I could only see her. I was sure my face was turning blue, but she only stood there, holding me up and smirking for what felt like an eternity.

"Oh. Sorry." Her voice dripped with false sweetness. "You need to breathe, don't you?" Her fingers loosened imperceptibly, allowing me a gasping breath that was immediately regretted due to the sharp pain of protest my newly-broken ribs gave me. "Humans are such fragile creatures."

I just hung there, unable to fight her and the strength she exhibited, knowing that my continued existence was completely dependent on her whims at the current moment. She twisted her wrist, exposing the right side of my neck, and stepped closer, nostrils flaring. "I never did understand how James chose his targets. You do smell especially sweet, but even he should have known that it was unwise to go against a coven of seven. Seven! Even if he caught and drained you, they would have come after us. I told him that. I felt it. But no." Her voice turned harsh, like jagged glass that had been sharpened into a knife. "He still had to go after you. And now he's dead. Because of you!" she hissed, venom flying out of her lips and landing on my cheek, creating a tingling feeling as it sunk into my pores. I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my lips as I instinctively tried to shrink away from this furious predator in front of me.

"He's dead," she whispered again.

And that was when I caught it. Aching emptiness in the red eyes that practically pierced me to the tree behind me. Eyes filled with the hurt and pain of untenable loss that I'd seen in my own mirror every day since It happened.

Somehow, in some way, we were the same.

I'd never even considered the possibility of sympathy, empathy with someone like her. But here we were, both trying to go on despite the gaping hole that now existed in our lives, both failing miserably. I turned to depression, she turned to desperation. The difference between our two situations was that she had a target for her feelings, while I… I had nothing now.

As if she had heard my thoughts, she continued. "And so I planned and waited. A mate for a mate. My life was forfeit, as long as you were dead. I wanted to make him feel the same pain that he'd given me. To look in his eyes and see the pain. And then I come here, and what do I find?" She drew back her head back to get a better look at my face, pinning me with her glare. "They're gone." I flinched, unable to stop myself from thinking about the Event. "And now it's useless. I can't cause them any pain, because they're not here." She started laughing, the sound throaty and sad. "So why did he die? Tell me, Isabella, why did he die, if this was just a farce? If you weren't really the boy's mate? WHY?" She drew my body back and slammed me against the tree again, causing me to gasp in pain.

What she'd said suddenly registered in my shaken mind. "W-what?" I croaked, unable to keep the sound from passing my lips.

Victoria looked at me, shock flashing across her face. And then she laughed again. "And you don't even know. The pitiful little human, playing with the vampires, but doesn't even know what's happening." She tilted her head, as if studying some interesting specimen. "We're very particular about our life-partners, Isabella. When we take one, they are forevermore ours, just as much as we are theirs. It is very rare that a vampire can move beyond the passing of their other half. Most of us go insane. Even rarer that they find another. That is the stuff of legends. But it is impossible for a vampire to willingly abandon their mate and leave them behind or cause them pain. Impossible. It would tear them apart from the inside. They wouldn't even be able to think of doing it. Do you understand?"

My oxygen-deprived, tired brain struggled to understand what she was saying. A vampire couldn't cause their mate pain.

"Of course, you're my mate, Bella.""My mate,–""–, my mate.""– mate." And then nothingness, excruciating, painful nothingness.

"I'm… not his… mate?" The words moved past my lips like molasses, but caused the red-haired angel in front of me to smirk.

"It seems the human can be taught, after all."

You might think that this revelation would cause me to withdraw, to try and escape, to relapse into that comforting nothing that had kept me sane so far, that had kept me from doing anything rash. You'd be wrong.

A weight that I hadn't even known existed lifted from my shoulders. I was so light.

He's not the one.

I was free. Free from the commitment to be with him forever. Free to feel whatever I wanted, to not need to continue feeling love for the boy who had shattered my heart into fragments so small they were practically dust. Free because now… now he didn't need to matter to me.

I laughed. I couldn't help myself. Even with my broken ribs that felt like they were piercing my lungs, I laughed. Victoria was caught completely off-guard, staring at me in shock, and I committed the image to memory, even if I only had minutes to live. I realize now that I probably sounded crazy. Hysterical even. But I couldn't stop. It felt so good to let go and just be for the moment. If I was going to die soon anyways, I might as well go out without regrets.

She glared at me, considering something. I could almost see the gears turning in her mind. "So what am I to do with you now?"

"Just… just kill me already." I said breathlessly, fighting the odd dizziness that was descending on me. Victoria looked at me curiously. "We both know you're going to."

Her face shifted back to complete, unreadable blankness. "No. I don't think I will. I have no use for you now, Isabella. You're already broken." Something was happening, but my head was getting so fuzzy, and my chest hurt so badly. All I wanted to do was rest, and I couldn't help my eyelids from drifting closed.

I let the unconscious girl drop from my hand.

I saw it now. Why those animal-drinkers had been so drawn to her. She was different. Different than any other human I had come across, and likely they could say the same as well. It was… vexing. I wanted to harm her, to see her scream, to have her experience the pain that I had from losing my mate. Except she was already experiencing that herself, and by the looks of it doing as piss-poor a job as I was.

The scent of blood rose, provoking the hot dryness in my throat, and I realized it was coming from the girl herself. She was bleeding somewhere inside herself, almost certainly from the little I'd actually put her through.

I could have just left her. She likely would have died, however. And while I'd chased her with the intent of causing exactly that, I… for some reason I couldn't endure the thought of allowing it to happen.

She made me feel. The first feelings I'd had other than rage and sadness since James had died, and I didn't want it to stop. Her death would accomplish nothing at this point, not even giving me satisfaction, but if I let her live she could be so much more.

I'd finally found someone who could understand how I felt –my troubles, my pain– in this weak little girl. I had been contemplating creating a companion for some time. But now I knew that that would have only been a simulacrum, a cheap fake of what I needed: someone who knew.

This girl, though…

I could turn her now. I could. I could do it. Right now.

But I didn't. I wanted to see more of her as she is. To know her and how she survived the loss. To learn from it. To…

I didn't even know.

But for that to happen, she had to be rational. Sane. Not a newborn vampire with raging instincts that would control their life for over a year.

She needed to live.

Conscious of the girl's injuries, I lifted her into my arms, running towards the small town that she lived in and their piteous excuse for a hospital while attempting not to shift her too much. I arrived at the building in less than a minute, and debated what I should do. It would probably be best to hand her off and then disappear instead of leaving her outside where she could die in the time it took them to find her.

Entering the hospital through the sliding doors, I was hit by the overwhelming smell and immediately stopped breathing. It wouldn't do to start feasting when I wanted this girl to survive. The woman at the front desk saw me, and rather surprisingly seemed to understand the weight of the situation immediately, calling for a doctor and a gurney. The thing arrived, and I placed her down onto the white cloth as gently as possible.

The attendant rushed her away, and another man appeared at my side, asking what had happened. Unable to respond in detail with the limited amount of air I had, I only shook my head and said, "Found her," before turning and rushing towards the door. I needed to get out.

The man started calling behind me, but I ignored him, moving quickly away and into an alley next to the hospital, climbing the wall up to the roof. I didn't stray, sitting down and focusing on the one heartbeat out of hundreds in the structure that I wanted to ensure continued. If it didn't, I needed to be able to respond in seconds, forcing my venom into her body and manually pumping the heart to make it spread. The venom would ensure that her brain would not deteriorate in the time it took to change her, although pumping her heart for three days did not sound particularly pleasant. But I would do it if need be.

So I sat, and waited.

I woke to the sounds of beeping heart monitors and a dripping IV embedded in my right arm. The hospital. Yet again.

Last time had been James. And now, his mate Victoria. Well. Ex-mate. Widow? I didn't even know if vampires could be widows or widowers.

But… the real question of the hour was why the hell I was waking up in the hospital instead of dead. Because by all rights, I should be. I had known she was going to snap my neck.

So why hadn't she?

A nurse's head appeared in the doorway.

"Oh! You're awake. I'll inform the doctor and let your father know."

I only nodded mutely, not even moving my head off of the pillow. They must've had me hooked up to the good stuff, because I couldn't feel anything right then. And I knew broken ribs and a broken arm should be at least slightly painful with no adrenaline in my body.

A man with an easily-forgettable face walked in, and began speaking at me. I nodded and 'hm-ed' to him in acknowledgment at what I thought was the right times, but I was more lost in my own thoughts. The only things I picked up from his long-winded speech were "blunt force trauma", "three ribs", "punctured lung", "internal hemorrhaging", and "complex fracture." I figured he must have been the doctor.

Once he was done with his lecture, he asked me if I had any questions. There was only one that I could think of. One that refused to leave me alone.

"H-how… did I get here?"

He frowned thoughtfully. "It was very odd. A young lady with bright red hair brought you in, but left immediately after. Do you know who she is?"

For some reason, I shook my head. I had a feeling I didn't want them knowing about Victoria. That it would be better for everyone involved

"Bells!" Another voice drew my attention to the doorway, and Charlie stood there, immediately entering and coming to the side of my bed. "Thank God you're alright."

"I'm… I'm fine Dad," I said quietly, slightly unnerved by the amount of emotion he was showing. It wasn't normal. Usually, the most emotion you could get out of him was when he was watching a game with Billy Black, and even then he was never the type to get too worked up.

"Bella! You almost died! That's not 'fine'," he said, concern washing over his face. "This is the second time this year!"

"But… I'm not dead, right? So everything's okay," I responded, not really seeing what there was to be upset about. Then again, it wasn't like I hadn't had near-death experiences with vampires before, so at this point it seemed to be becoming a regular thing.

God, I hoped not.

I tried to reach out and pat the hand that rested on the bars on the left of the bed, but my arm refused to move, which brought my attention to the rather large cast that went from my wrist all the way up to my armpit.

Damn. The painkillers were definitely doing their job.

Charlie sighed. "I guess. There's no real point in arguing it anyways. What's done is done. I'm just happy you seem to be alright. But what were you doing that got you like this?" Oh. Shit. I hadn't even thought up a good story yet. "I mean, it looks like those bruises on your neck were caused by a hand. Did… did someone…?" He didn't even finish his sentence.

"No! I mean…" This was really the perfect answer, but I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. "Yes, but not like that. It was in an alley and I couldn't really see. But someone grabbed my neck… and then I tried to escape, so they hit me with…" Damn. What could cause the injuries I had? "a pipe or something. And then… that girl showed up. The one with the red hair. And she somehow scared the other person off, and then everything went black. I didn't even see the person's face."

He sighed and nodded at my story, and I felt slightly guilty for lying to him like that. But it was essentially what happened, just… Victoria had also been the one attacking and had stopped herself. And I wanted to know why. I didn't understand.

"Alright Bells. The doctors say you need your rest, so I'm going to let you, okay? I'll be at work if you need me, just call." He scratched his head nervously. "I'll be back once I get off, even if you're not awake, okay?"

I nodded and he reached out to my hand and squeezed it, looking at me one last time before turning around and exiting. I noticed that the doctor had managed to slip out of the room sometime during the exchange.

Thinking about it, I realized I was feeling really tired. It had to be from all the energy my body was putting into healing.

So I lay my head back on the pillow behind me and closed my eyes, letting myself fall asleep.

The next time I woke, it was dark out. Like, pitch dark. The clock on the generic beige wall opposite my bed said it was two in the morning. I was about to close my eyes again when I noticed this blob of red in the corner of my eye. I twisted my head towards it, and was unable to stop myself from sucking in a breath at the sight of Victoria in all her terrible glory. She just sat there, looking at me as if I were some weird puzzle to be solved.

My heart monitor started beeping faster and faster as adrenaline rushed through my veins, and I worried one of the nurses might come check to see what was happening. Whether it was for the nurse's sake, Victoria's, or my own, I didn't know.

I forced myself to slow the unrelenting tone by taking painfully large, slow breaths, eventually managing to bring my pounding heart rate back down to at least a moderately normal tempo.

Victoria and I stared at each other for what had to be over ten minutes, locked onto the other's eyes until she broke the connection and ran her gaze down my body, lingering on the injuries I had. The injuries she had caused.

"Why didn't you kill me?" I whispered, and her head snapped back to my face.

She suddenly looked trapped. Like she wanted nothing more than to run away at that moment. I didn't understand why.

It took some time, but she eventually opened her mouth. "I don't know."

I could hear the truth in it. The confusion. She really didn't know why, although I felt like she might have a hint and was unwilling (or unable) to share right now. "Why didn't you tell them the truth?" she asked.

"I don't know," I echoed.

I really didn't, I'd just had a very strong feeling, almost disturbingly strong, that I shouldn't, and followed the impulse without a single thought to doing otherwise.

She nodded minutely in recognition of my answer. "I still want to, you know. It would be so easy. You're completely defenseless. All I'd have to do is walk over there, sink my teeth into your neck, and tear your throat out. And this would all be over."

"But you won't." I was somehow absolutely sure of my answer. Or maybe he had been right and I really had no sense of self-preservation. I was practically asking to be bitten by telling her she wouldn't, because she'd do it just to prove me wrong.

She sat there, completely still, as if she'd abruptly been turned into a perfectly colored statue of an angelic girl, only betrayed by the few copper strands of hair that waved in the breeze of the hospital's air conditioning. "No, I won't," she breathed finally, breaking the illusion.

"How… how are you doing this?" I asked in wonder.

Her brow wrinkled slightly in confusion. "What?"

"How are you here? In the hospital? Isn't it hard?" As far as I knew, it seemed like she didn't have the control to be able to manage it. I mean, Jasper went crazy over a paper-cut, so how could she stand to be in a building that must be practically saturated with the scent of blood underneath the formaldehyde? A smell she should easily be able to pick up considering that he had been able to track me through an entire city by scent alone.

"It is… not without effort." And I could tell then that her voice was slightly strained. "But I fed to excess, and it's much easier to ignore when I'm completely full."

My attention jumped to her eyes, which I noticed for the first time were a bright red, crimson and practically glowing, instead of the murky coagulated color they had been before, and I gasped. "Y-you…"

"What? Killed people to drink their blood?" Victoria laughed under her breath and I shut my mouth. "Of course. It's what I am, so why should I deny that? It'd be like…" she paused, thinking, "…asking a lion to eat only grass." Was it really that large a difference? I'd always thought that it wasn't that big. But then again, the amount Jasper appeared to struggle with their diet lent some truth to her analogy. "Possible, but not satisfying," she concluded.

I waited for the inevitable feelings of disgust and revulsion to surface, but they never did.

I was… alright with what she had done? With what she did?

I took a moment to sort out my thoughts, to try and figure out why I was entirely apathetic to the concept, but had no answers. I felt she was smarter than to hunt in Forks, and the fact that I didn't know the people she had killed meant I had no emotions concerning their death. Some part of my mind noted that this wasn't right, and that I hadn't been like this before, but it was squashed by the sheer curiosity I felt about the topic.

"You aren't horrified? Doesn't it bother you? Knowing I killed people only because I was thirsty?" she said, eyeing me like she was waiting for exactly that reaction.

I shook my head. "I don't know why, but it doesn't." Maybe it was because I was so exhausted, or the drugs in my veins, but I couldn't really bring myself to care.

She looked at me strangely. "You're an odd human being, Isabella."

"Bella," I reflexively corrected. Her expression shifted to questioning. "Just… Bella."

"Bella," Victoria whispered, as if trying out the word and seeing how it felt in her mouth. She nodded slightly. "It suits you." I blinked. Had she just complimented me? "I think I know why that coven kept you around now. You're very intriguing."

I had no rejoinder to her comment, but I was saved from needing to reply when her head cocked to the right, as though hearing something I couldn't. It had been an action I'd seen them do frequently. "Someone's coming." And in a blur, she was gripping the window frame, crouched on the sill while facing me. "Farewell, Bella."

"Wait!" I shouted, just as she disappeared. Her head reappeared at the edge of the window, looking very strange as her flame-colored hair all fell sideways towards the ground. "Will… Will you come back?"

An almost-too-quick expression passed over her face, and she disappeared again, the window closing just as an orderly came into my room.

She hadn't answered me out loud, but she hadn't needed to.

I knew she'd be back.