I have the worst life in, like, the history of ever. And I'm not just saying that. I'm pretty sure that if there was a contest for worst life, I would totally win.

First off, my dad is evil. No, I'm not saying he's abusive, or cruel, or hateful - though he certainly can be all those things. I'm saying he's a maniacal evil warlord, intent on conquering Ninjago City, destroying the heroes sworn to protect it, and subjugating all the innocent civilians who live there. Yeah, you read that right. My dad is a super-villain.

And he makes me go to school there.

Seriously. He filled out all the paperwork and everything, complaining all the while that once he conquers Ninjago he will never have to fill out a form again.

My dad. Makes me go to high school. In the city he is actively trying to conquer. With, like, armies and weapons and giant mechs and everything. Literally squashing buildings underfoot. Thank goodness for the Secret Ninja Force and the city's rather amazing evacuation system. It's down to an art at this point, with all the practice everyone gets. There is never more than a week between attacks, and usually only about three days.

It gets worse. Yeah, everyone knows who I am. He doesn't even try to keep it a secret. He greets me over the hijacked news stations. He attends parent teacher conferences. He sometimes picks me up from school when I'm "on his way home," his phrase for fleeing the city's ninja heroes. So pretty much everyone hates me, from the mayor and police to my teachers and classmates. Let's just say, well, I never have to wait in line or fight for a seat on the bus...?

I once asked him why. I mean, seriously. Why can't the son of an evil warlord be homeschooled? And you know what he said?

"To learn to hate, of course! There is no better breeding ground for hate then public education! You'll be a vicious warlord of your own in no time!"

Then he mumbled to himself (he mumbles fairly loudly, and then seems surprised that people can hear him) what is probably the real reason.

"Plus Koko would murder me in my sleep if you didn't get a decent education."

Yes, Lord Garmadon sends me to high school to learn to hate. And because my mom, who dumped him and left us when I was like four or something, would apparently be mad if he didn't.

He seems hopeful she'll come back one day. Personally, I kind of hope she's dead. Because otherwise my mom, who was apparently some awesome ninja warrior on the side of good, abandoned me as a baby and never even tried to contact me. She might as well have tattooed EVIL across my baby forehead.

Ok, so where am I at?

One, my dad is an evil warlord.

Two, everyone hates me.

Three, even my mom gave up on me.

And four ...

I'm not evil.

Life would be sooooo much easier if I was. I actually really tried to be in elementary school. Practiced my evil laugh and everything. Ran away (with my dad's full support - he was so proud), stole candy, lived on the streets for a while, tried to recruit a gang of snakes to do my bidding. The snakes, and later the Ninjas, totally kicked my butt.

That didn't work, so I tried the opposite in middle school. Yes, sir. No, ma'am. Please and thank you. I became the sweetest, gentlest, most polite and obedient kid Ninjago has ever known.

I still got called evil. And I still got my butt kicked. This time by my classmates. Honestly, I preferred the Ninjas - they held back on the punches and kicks. Even if they did strand me on top of a roof that took me hours to figure out how to get down from. (No way was I asking my dad to save me. So far he hasn't succeeded in actually killing anyone in Ninjago City and I'd like to keep it that way.)

Finally figuring out that I won't ever win, I gave up. Now I'm in high school and things are the same as ever. There's either a ten foot radius of Empty around me, or I'm getting, you guessed it, my butt kicked. At least most of said butt-kicking isn't usually physical nowadays.

What do I mean by that? Well, um, did you hear the latest top song this week? Boo Lloyd. Seriously. That's the name of the song. And most of the lyrics.

So, yeah, that's my life. I live in a giant volcano that my dad shoots his generals out of when he fires them. I take a shark mech to the city and then a bus to school every weekday morning. On the weekends my dad teaches me spinjitzu, which would be cool if he didn't keep complaining about my lack of killer instinct, and I fiddle around with building mechs in my workshop.

Well, I guess that's two pluses?

One, I get to learn to fight - not that I dare use anything I know to defend myself. You should see the looks I get from cops just for existing. Imagine if they actually saw me fighting - they'd never believe it was self-defense.

Two, I get to make any sort of mech I want. Of course, I have no friends to play on them with. And I can't actually take them out or people will start screaming that I'm finally invading the city. I don't even want to know what they'd think of my green dragon mech.

Who am I kidding. There are no perks. I hate my life and my creepily supportive dad.

He still insists on reading me a "bedtime story" every night. You wouldn't believe the nightmares I have.

~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~

Nya and Kai were new to Ninjago City and thus Ninjago City High School. They were new to high school to begin with, to be honest, coming from Jamanakai, a rather small rural town where their dad was the local blacksmith and their mom the local teacher. Both their parents were secretly retired Ninjas, though they couldn't tell people that.

But even in Jamanakai, they had heard of Lord Garmadon. Stories of fertile fields burned to a crisp, entire armies slaughtered, strange fires and explosions during the nights.

And so Nya and Kai trembled at their parents' stupid idea to move to Ninjago City. The reason? "You wouldn't believe the employment opportunities!"

The twins' mouths literally dropped open on the first day of school when they were warned that Lloyd Garmadon, Lord Garmadon's just as evil son, was, not just in their school, but. In. Their. Class.

"Do you think he looks like his father?" whispered Nya. "Like a living evil shadow? With blood red eyes and everything?"

"No, no, I'm sure everyone's exaggerating," retorted Kai, mainly just to hide his own fear. "I mean, he's just a stupid kid like us, right? How bad can he be?"

The classroom door opened and the idle chatter was immediately silenced.

Nya and Kai jerked to attention in their seats, expecting a strict teacher, only to see...

A rather short, and kinda cute, little blond teen with bright green eyes and a matching green hoodie. The boy shrunk under everyone's gaze, obviously wanting to disappear, but after a second took a deep breath and a few steps forward to take a seat in the front row.

With an audible rush and clatter, all the other students crushed themselves and their desks to the farthest corner possible from the innocent looking boy.

It had to be Lloyd. But to all appearances he was just a bullied nerd. He shrunk in his chair, pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt to hide his face and bending low over pen and notepad.

Kai and Nya exchanged confused looks and kept their desks where they were, somewhere in the mostly empty middle of the room.

"Kai! Nya! Get over here before he curses you!"

The twins exchanged equally determined looks... and pushed their desks forward to either side of Lloyd.

The boy seemed to freeze. Was he afraid of them?

Okay, bullying is so not cool.

"I'm Nya, and this is my brother, Kai. We're new here. You're Lloyd Garmadon?"

The boy's head gave a tiny motion that may have been a nod, not looking up from his notepad.

"Are you going to curse us?" asked Kai bluntly.

Lloyd finally looked up in surprise. He shook his head. A soft, shaky voice stuttered, "N-no. I can't, I w-wouldn't, do anything like that..."

"You don't look evil at all," commented Nya, almost sounding disappointed. "I mean, sheesh, your hair is silkier than mine! How do you get it like that?" She actually leaned over and flicked his hood back to play with his silky blond bangs, ignoring the hushed squeals of terror from their classmates.

Before Lloyd could process what Nya was doing, Kai leaned over, invading his personal space on his other side, to see his notepad. "Sweet dragon, dude! You into mechs? You gotta see this one monster my sis came up with! Are you in the mech club?"

"I'm, um, no, I..."

Suddenly Lloyd's face blushed bright red and he leaped to his feet, snatched up his bag and notepad, and ran out the door.

The classroom cheered.

Nya and Kai turned at the same time to glare at their oblivious classmates, then chased after the boy.