A/N - My first ever attempt at anything like this!

Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition

Reserve League, Season 8, Round 3, Chaser 2: Dear Theodosia: Write about making a promise to someone

Additional Prompts: Emotion (Regret), Object (Book) Relationship: Father/child

Word Count: 1448

In the shadow of their sacrifice

Most people liked to watch as the sun rose or set, enjoying the hues of pink, orange and yellow as they lit up or faded from the sky. He wasn't sure he'd ever met anyone, who like him, enjoyed the predawn light; the marvellous deep blues and purples. Dark silhouettes slowly revealing their secret identities. The awakening birds, signalling the coming dawn of a new day.

He lent down into the crib and picked up his son. If his screams at 5am everyday this week were to be believed, after 38 years, Remus had finally met another person who liked the predawn light as much as he did. Sitting in a chair, facing the window, Remus rocked his boy, marvelling at his perfect nose, eyes, mouth and bright blue hair. How could such perfection be any relation to him?

Once Teddy had been pacified, Remus gently placed him back in the crib and picking up the book and pen from the windowsill where he had left it yesterday morning, he sat back in the chair. Opening to the first clean page, he chewed on the tip of the pen as he mulled over what he wanted to write today.

He'd been writing notes for Teddy in the same book since the day he had returned to his Dora, begging for mercy and forgiveness, which she had miraculously given to him. That first entry had been an apology, full of the regret Remus felt for abandoning his child before he had even been born and promises that he would never do so again. He had written him a note everyday since, sometimes telling his son how precious and beautiful he was, sometimes telling him how lucky he was to have such an incredible mother. In one note he had made sure to tell him about Sirius and James and how much they would have loved him. Yesterday's note had been about Teddy's God Father, Harry and it was writing about Harry's bravery that led Remus to the note he knew he had to write today.

After a little more than 9 months, just like his first note, this one too was full of regret.

1 May 1998

Dearest Teddy,

The first time I ever wrote to you, on August 10th last year, I told you that I would never leave you again. That I would always be here for you, doing everything I could to be worthy of being called your Father.

That was a lie.

I should never have made you a promise I cannot keep Teddy. There may come a time, and soon, when I will have to leave you once again and though I pray to Merlin that it won't be for long, the truth is I don't know how long I'll be gone, or if I will ever be able to come back.

I told you Teddy, in that first note, that I would always keep you safe – that is the promise I must prioritise above all others. Though selfishly I would rather take you and your Mother and run away, hide until it is safe, I know I cannot do that. I must fight for a world where you will be free. Free to love and be loved. Free to learn, to grow, to be whoever you want to be, without fear and without prejudice. Believing that I could help that world become a reality for you Teddy is the only thing that could tear me away from you.

I once told your God Father Harry, that I regretted marrying your Mum. Never be fooled by the things people say out of anger or fear Teddy, they seldom reveal the truth. I have made so many mistakes in my life, pushed people away who I should have pulled closer, kept quiet when I should have spoken out and watched friends make reckless, costly decisions but never once tried to stop them. Many people say that a successful life is one where you can look back and say – I regret nothing. If that is true then none of us have any hope.

Don't try and live a life without regrets Teddy. Live a life where the moments that bring you joy, surpass those that don't. We all make mistakes, I've made so very many – but marrying your Mum and having you, watching you grow each day – the unadulterated joy that gives me, far outweighs all the regrets and mistakes I could ever make.

I know, whenever my time comes to leave this world Teddy, I'll look back and confidently be able to call my life a success, because you were part of it.

I will always love you Teddy,

Dad.

Teddy placed his sleeping son, carefully into his crib, praying that he wouldn't wake. Breathing a sigh of relief as he stepped quietly away, he picked up the book and pen he kept on the table in the nursery and sat facing the window.

The predawn light, deep blues and purples, illuminated the room with a familiar warmth. It was a time of day that Teddy always felt most connected to his Dad. He gently ran his hand over the front cover of the book he was holding. It had been his Dad's favourite time of day, or so he had written in one of the many notes the book held. Teddy had always taken the statement as fact, but now he had a new-born of his own, he imagined he read, between the lines, some hint of sarcasm from his father. Before the birth of his first child, Teddy had rarely been aware there were two 5 O'clock's in the same day, though whether he had been joking or not, Teddy agreed it was a beautiful time of the morning.

He opened to the last page his father had written on. A note much shorter and less neat than all the others.

2nd May 1998

Dearest Teddy,

To keep my promise and protect you always, I must break my promise to never leave.

Know that leaving you my dearest boy, fills me with the deepest regret I've ever felt and yet, I will go and fight for you, safe in the knowledge that whatever happens, the light you have bought to my life, will always cut through the dark. Like the sun illuminating things that in the predawn light were only in shadow; you have brightened my life and cast all the shadows away.

Be happy Teddy. Love fiercely, show compassion to everyone you meet and know that I loved you more than life itself.

Love you,

Dad.

Teddy wiped the tears away from his face and picked up the pen. Sniffling he wiped his nose along his sleeve and began to write.

25th June 2016

Dearest Remus Tonks Lupin,

You were named after your Grandma and Grandpa – though from everything I've been told about your Grandma, I can't imagine she would have been happy with that label, so perhaps we should call her Granny Tonks.

One day, when you read these notes, written by my Dad, your Grandpa Remus, you'll learn that he left me, when I was not much older than you are now.

Him and Granny Tonks went to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts. They fought for all that is good and right in this world. Though I've always been so proud of them both, for a long time I was also angry at them. I felt betrayed. Heart broken that they would choose to leave me. Why couldn't someone else have gone – why couldn't they have just stayed and been my parents? I never understood their decision to walk away.

But now, my beautiful son, as I look at you, finally I can let go of all that anger, the hurt, the regret. For now that I have you, I know just how much they sacrificed for me. They made it possible for me to live in a world where I will never have to make the heart-wrenching decision they were faced with; but Remus, I know for certain, that if I was in their position right now, I would make exactly the same choice, with no regrets.

Not because walking away would be easy, but because I love you so very much I would give up everything to protect you, to make sure you are safe – even if that meant leaving you.

Thanks to Grandpa Remus, Granny Tonks, Uncle Harry and so many others, I will never have to leave you my darling son. In the shadow of their sacrifice, I will stay as close as possible and protect you always.

Love you,

Dad.

Hope you liked it! :)