Things got back to normal. Palpatine made amazing food, the Deliverator's delivered and the young couple managed to keep things discrete. It was therefore something of a surprise when Selena returned a few weeks later with several senior Jedi in tow.
"What did you mean when you said you no longer have dealings with the Sith." she said.
Sheev Palpatine regarded his accusers. There was Selena, the small green one was called Yoda, he recalled and the one from Stewjon. Obi-Wan Kenobi, that was his name. Again he reminded himself that the Jedi were a religion. Large portions of what they believed did not have to make sense to an outsider. Knowing what he did now, how the Sith were the eternal enemies of the Jedi and that his best cook was mother to someone tied up in an awful lot of prophecies.
"Ah yes, the Sith. Well, what can I say? I was young, liked a good race, a fight and then a good celebratory meal as a prelude to seduction. You know how it is." said Palpatine airily.
The expressions from the three beings reminded him that maybe they did not.
"So, there was this club at home. Had all the usual attractions, was very exclusive and I was one of their members. It was all very exciting at the time let me tell you." Palpatine continued.
The expressions of the Jedi reminded Palpatine of people who found an entire Gola berry in their fruit salad. While he found the sour taste neatly contrasted with more typical fruits it could be a shock.
"You can just join the Sith on Naboo?" said Kenobi.
"Oh, they didn't call themselves that. Seems obvious now why. You lot would be on them like a Hutt after a pizza. No, they called themselves the Luminous Order of Wisdom? Or something like that. Was it wisdom? Can't recall, definitely luminous though. Anyways, it was an exclusive club for the wealthy, there were all these supposed rituals, code phrases and the like."
"Code phrases?" said Selena.
Palpatine beamed and continued, "Oh yes, all the societies had them. It was how you could tell if you met a fellow member in real life. During the meetings, it was the thing to all wear hooded robes and use vox distorters. So, if you met someone you thought was a fellow member you could say the first part of the phrase and then they would say the second part, then you could follow up with the third line and they confirmed with the fourth. Of course, what was funniest was that all the societies had similar lines and it was something of a game to learn the others so you could pretend to be one of them too. Great fun, how did the Luminous one go now, oh yes. Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Then the other fellow would say..."
The Jedi were all wide-eyed and stepping back.
"Say it not. Of the Dark Side that is," said Yoda.
"Really? How curious. It reminds me of something I saw in the Jedi texts." said Palpatine.
"You're reading our texts too!" said Kenobi.
"Well, I have been helping Anakin with some of the more academic matters of his training. It sort of stood out," said Palpatine.
"The coda just; 'stood out' to you?" said Selena incredulously, "No, we are getting off-topic. This Sith club, what happened."
"Oh, them. They had all sorts of rites and mysteries you could uncover. All part of the game really. Become a grand high master and all that. Wear the impressive face mask and all. well, then I got a chance to work with Taro Konelder, so I left." said Palpatine.
"You just left a Dark Side cult." said Kenobi, "Just like that?"
Palpatine blinked, "My dear man, you don't understand, it was Konelder. He's simply the greatest chef in the Galaxy, it is an honour for him to even look at your food." he added since the man was from Stewjon after all.
"And involved with these Sith, how deep you were?" inquired Yoda.
"Oh, I was a third initiate of the inner circle, something like that. They said they had plans to take over the entire Galaxy. Fancy that!" said Palpatine.
"You don't take their plans seriously?" said Kenobi.
"Of course not. They spoke a lot of gaining power, but little of what they would do once they had it. They had no real plan. And I did. So, I left." said Palpatine.
"No plan?" said Selena.
"No real plan at all. Just moustache-twirling villainy for the sake of it. Oh sorry, that's a Naboo thing. Classic Naboo holo villains would have elaborate facial hair you see..." explained Palpatine.
"See that, I do. Know of any club members now do you?" asked Yoda.
Palpatine paused. Hugo was a bore, but that hardly seemed cause to inflict laser sword-wielding lunatics on the doddering old fart. He was a far cry from the Sith of old and just deserved to fade away dreaming his mad dream. Besides, he paid his account on time. Still, he felt he should throw the Jedi a hint or they would be here all day.
"I do recall the Grandmaster was a fiend for Keethra Root Stew. So your man's a Muun if I were to hazard a guess," he said.
As if the grand high Sith poobah couldn't hide his tracks.
The Jedi regarded him thoughtfully, well they did everything after having a good think.
"Thank you, Palpatine. Most informative you have been. Come, investigate these revelations we shall." said Yoda.
And with that, the Jedi left.
Several weeks later...
"And that, concludes my report. Masters, Naboo high society is rife with these so-called secret societies. However, I have been unable to find traces of one named the Luminous Order or anything like it. There isn't even anyone who remembers such a group existing or being a member." said the image of a rather stressed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
The master looked at one another.
"Is there any chance Palpatine could be deceiving us? That he still is in contact with the Sith or is indeed one himself?" said Plo-Koon.
"No, Palpatine himself believed what he recounted. No deception in him could I sense," said Yoda.
"is it possible he is being used as a sleeper agent. That he himself does not know," said Mace Windu.
The masters conferred and agreed that was indeed, a possibility. It was decided that a closer watch on the restauranteur was needed.
"Visit regularly, Hyperfusion, we must. Draw straws, we shall to determine who must bear this task."
There was no shortage of volunteers