Beca doesn't known when it began. She thought for sure that given her parents history that she had all but given up on love. She's a narcissist like that about almost everything these days.
She thinks thats what makes it all the more difficult for her to come to terms with her feelings for Chloe Beale. Then again, how could she not develop them for someone so completely against everything she is and stands against.
Where Beca is stoic and withdrawn, Chloe is open and expressive. Beca wonders if she ever was, or has the possibility to see the world the way Chloe does. She supposes not, but maybe thats what she finds so appealing. It doesn't hurt that she is breathtaking beautiful and confident about herself either.
Her musing, which seems constant these days, is broken by her door opening. She doesn't need to look to know its Kimmy Jin, whose audible groan gives her away.
Ignoring her, Beca puts on her headphones, and starts to mix some more music. Nowadays thats the only relief she gets.
Even if Audrey controls the Bella's like an iron grip, in her room, with her headphones on, Beca can feel in control. With the music, Beca can feel alive. Before Chloe came into her life, it was the only time that was true.
But Chloe is not hers. And with Chloe, everything is so out of control. Beca's feelings, and her fears are the only thing that take hold when she is near.
So Beca resolves to lose herself in the music. Because thats the only thing that really matters.