Title: This Feeling That Remains.

Summary: In the aftermath of the car accident, the Gilmore Girls try to pick up the pieces and move on.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Gilmore Girls. This story idea is my own, although it does contain some scenes from the actual show in places. (mainly at the beginning)

Authors Note: This fic starts during the episode Teach Me Tonight, right after Lorelai leaves Rory at the hospital to go and find Jess. It's a Java/Lit fic.

Dedication: I don't usually do these, but I just wanted to thank a few people. Firstly, LukeLorelai4EVER because she wanted a Java/Lit fic and I wanted to provide her with one. Secondly AvidTVfan for telling me that people here at ff.net would actually want to read this. And last but definitely not least, everyone at stars-hollow.org who reads and reviews this fic for me as I write it. I love you guys, you're the best!

*~*~*~*

How dare he? What was he thinking?! He could have killed them both. And now, she was going to kill him.

Stealing gnomes was one thing, playing pranks on Stars Hollow's unsuspecting citizens was tame. But breaking her daughter?! Her precious, perfect daughter! That was it. She'd had it. She was through being nice to him for Rory's sake, Luke's sake or anyone else's. He'd crossed a line and now he was going to die a long, painful and drawn out death.

She imagined it'd be something as tried and trusted as being hung, drawn and quartered. Only with a trademark Lorelai Gilmore twist. Maybe he'd be wearing a tutu, just to add some humiliation to the proceedings. Or maybe she'd make him listen to Britney Spears until his ears bled and then she'd kill him.

She wasn't entirely sure. The only thing she was certain of was that she was going to find him. She was going to find the punk that had left her daughter in the emergency room, and she was going to show him what a bitch pay back could be.

"Luke!" She called out almost innocently, banging the palm of her hand against the cold glass of the diner door. "Luke!"

The sign said 'closed', but Luke was inside, and she knew he wouldn't ignore her. He opened the door and the bells jangled loudly. Some things never changed.

"Hey, I was…" Luke started in an explanatory tone.

Lorelai nodded her head at him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make excuses. Where is the little toad?!

"Where is he?" She interrupted him calmly, stepping inside and looking around.

"Who?" Luke frowned, stepping back to make way for her as she entered the diner.

"Jess. Where's Jess, Luke?" She asked, realizing Jess wasn't in the diner and heading straight for the stairs.

"I don't know. I just got back." Luke replied honestly. "What's going on? I got here and they weren't here."

She pushed aside the plastic sheeting separating the diner from the stairs that led to Jess and Luke's apartment, ignoring Luke's pleas for an explanation.

"Jess!" She shouted as she ran up the stairs quickly, her anger growing all the while.

She didn't know what she was going to do when she saw him. She didn't know if it was possible to be any more infuriated then she currently was, but she knew that seeing him would bring any hidden anger to the surface.

"Hey, talk to me!" Luke called after her, watching her hurry towards the apartment.

"Jess, answer me right now!" Lorelai called in a 'do it or else' tone as she marched purposefully down the hallway to the apartment door.

"What's wrong, what happened?!" Asked Luke desperately, catching up to her.

"There was an accident." She stated all too calmly, pushing open the apartment door and walking inside.

"What accident?"

"Jess!"

"What accident?!" Luke was on tenterhooks, trying to keep up with Lorelai as she searched the apartment for Jess.

"Jess was driving Rory's car and he crashed it!" She practically spit out his name.

Luke felt a wave of panic hit him. A car crash? Jess and Rory had been in a car crash. Was Rory hurt? Was Jess hurt? He had to steady himself quickly before Lorelai was gone. She was moving fast and if he wasted any time she'd leave before he could find out anything more.

"What? When?" He asked anxiously as she continued her hunt.

"What do you mean, when? Tonight, tonight - He crashed it tonight!" She said frantically, seeing that Jess wasn't in the apartment either.

She moved swiftly over to the door all the while thinking only of tracking him down.

"Jess! Damnit!" She yelled as Luke watched her exit the apartment.

"What happened?" He shouted at her retreating figure. "Is anyone hurt?! Lorelai!"

Luke rushed down the stairs after her, needing more answers. Needing to know that Rory was ok. Needing to know that Jess was alright.

"Hey, I'm talking to you here!" He said demandingly as Lorelai peered quickly into the storeroom.

Jess wasn't there. He wasn't in the diner. He wasn't in the apartment. He wasn't in the storeroom. He was making it difficult for her to find him. She just knew it. He was a selfish little rat and he was just doing it to torment her!

"Where would he be? Where would he go?" Lorelai asked coldly, already making her way towards the exit.

If he wanted to play games, that was fine. She was good at Hide and Seek. She'd hunt him down, beat him bloody and hang him from the front porch like a piñata. Everyone in town could have a bat. Every one in town could take a swing!

"I asked you if anyone was hurt?" Luke persisted.

"Uh, was anyone hurt?" Lorelai replied mockingly, stopping and facing him. "Well, lets see. Uh, Rory's in the emergency room with a fractured wrist, so yeah, I'd say someone was hurt!"

"Rory fractured her wrist?" Luke frowned in concern.

"Yes, she has to wear a cast for two weeks! She's getting x-rays and tests…" She trailed off, looking around. "Where would he go Luke?"

"I don't know." He sighed, taking off his baseball cap and rubbing his forehead.

"Does the little punk have any friends?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"I doubt it. He's not exactly the social butterfly his mother is." He said with a roll of his eyes. "And even if he did have friends, I don't think he'd tell me about them."

"Well then where is he?!" She demanded.

"I don't know!" Luke shot back in frustration. "Do you know if he's ok?"

"Not for long!" Lorelai scoffed bitterly as she flung the diner door open and walked off down the street.

Luke looked around the diner and rubbed his eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath.

"Lorelai, wait!" He called hurrying after her.

"I'm gonna find him Luke. Don't even try and stop me or I'll make it a family affair. Nephew and Uncle, crucified side by side. It'll be a tale told for years to come." She threatened.

Luke caught up to her and tried to keep pace.

"So you're just going to look all over town for him?" Luke asked, knowing she would.

"If I have to rip the door off of every damn house to find him, I'll do it with pleasure." She said, never taking her eyes off of the road in front of her.

"What about Rory?"

"She's getting plastered up at the hospital, Luke!" She shouted.

"Shouldn't you be there then?"

"No. No, I should be seeking revenge on the lowlife that put her there. Which is what I'm doing."

"Lorelai…"

"Luke, either you help me find him or you go away." She said impatiently.

"But I don't know where he is!" Luke insisted.

"Where does he usually hang out?" She asked. "He does go out, right? He's not a hermit or anything? I mean he must go out otherwise he wouldn't be able to steal and lie and crash cars!"

"Yes, he goes out, but I don't have a clue where!" Luke sighed.

Lorelai stopped dead, narrowing her eyes at nothing in particular.

"What?" Luke frowned at her, trying to see what she was looking at.

"Rory…" She murmured.

"What about her?"

"I know where he is." She said, a small smile forming on her lips as she turned around.

"Where? Lorelai! Where is he?!" Luke called after her.

"Rory told me, about their… 'picnic'." She rolled her eyes at the word. "She told me where they went."

"What are you talking about?!" He asked, falling into step beside her once again.

"The bridge. They went to the bridge. He's at the damn bridge!"

"Don't you think that's a bit of a wild stab in the dark?" Luke asked skeptically.

"It is. It's also what Jess will be getting when I get my hands on him."

Luke sighed deeply and tried to keep up with Lorelai as they approached the bridge.

She felt her anger boiling up inside her. He was sitting there, as if nothing had happened. He was sitting there smoking as if nothing had happened. As if her daughter wasn't in the hospital. As if he didn't care at all. She knew he didn't care. She'd known all along. She'd tried to tell Rory that he was scum, without actually using the word scum. She'd tried to tell Rory he didn't care.

But Rory was sweet and naïve and too friendly and kind to turn Jess away or tell him to leave her alone. She was helpless against his advances. She didn't even see them as advances. It was obvious to everyone but her.

She stood over him. He knew she was there. He didn't even have to decency to look at her. He just sat there, smoking.

"Get up, Jess." She demanded coolly.

He didn't move. A small cloud of cigarette smoke rose up and slowly faded. But he didn't move.

"Jess!" She snapped, losing her grip on her anger. "Get up and look at me!"

"Lorelai…" Luke started quietly.

"Luke, this isn't about you. It's about him." Lorelai said, holding her hand up to silence him. "Jess, I said get up!"

Jess flicked his cigarette into the water, brushed some stray ashes off of his pants and slowly stood up.

"You…" Lorelai sneered. "Do you have any idea what you did tonight?!"

He didn't look up. He stared intently at his feet, his hands in his pockets.

"Jess. For gods sake, look at me!" She shouted at him.

He finally looked her in the eyes and she was visibly taken aback by what she saw. He had tears in his eyes. She tried to shake it off. She didn't want to feel sorry for him or feel pity. She didn't want to regret her harsh tone or drop her tirade against him. But she felt herself soften.

He was just a kid. He was scared and ashamed and at that moment he looked so small to her, that she couldn't bring herself to say anything.

"I made sure she was ok." He said, his voice uneven. His usual cocky attitude was absent. The walls were down.

He looked away. Lorelai opened her mouth to speak but couldn't remember what she had wanted to say.

She swallowed hard and folded her arms defensively across her chest.

"Stay away from my kid." She said quietly, her voice unsteady.

She turned, and walked back past Luke and away from the bridge. Jess ran his hand through his hair and sat back down.

"I made sure she was ok." He repeated. His voice seemed even smaller to Luke than it had been before.

"I know you did." Sighed Luke, sitting beside his nephew.

* * * * *


He knew what he'd done. It was an accident, and that was the truth. He hadn't intentionally crashed her car. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He never meant to hurt her.

He remembered they were talking. She'd told him he needed to loosen up. Stop trying to act like 'the bad ass rebel she knew he wasn't'. He'd told her she should listen to her own advice and take herself less seriously some times. At which point she'd pulled one of the silliest, but most amusing, faces he'd ever seen. He'd told her that he wanted to retract his last statement if it was the reason she'd turned into Annette Hargrove.

She'd hit him. Not hard, just playfully. He'd turned to look at her, to give her the most wounded look he could manage. She'd been laughing… and then she'd looked at the road and shouted at him to look out.

He didn't know what it was. A raccoon. Or a possum. Or maybe a mutant rat of some kind. It had run out into the road and his first instinct was to swerve. So he did.

Then they hit something. A pole or… something. He didn't remember. He did remember her crying out in pain, and his desperate attempts not to panic while every part of him was freaking out. He hadn't wanted to leave her. But she needed help and he had to find a phone.

So he ran to the nearest pay phone and called 911. She'd kept telling him she was fine, and that it wasn't his fault. She'd been so calm.

She was so calm.

His eyes had adjusted to the dark while he'd been standing there, thinking. He could see her now. Calm. Peaceful. He imagined her whole life had probably been peaceful until he'd come along and made as big a mess as he could.

He hadn't intended to make a mess of her perfect existence. He hadn't looked at her and thought, "She needs ruining." He'd looked at her and thought about how he'd never seen anyone who appeared to be so outwardly wholesome in his whole life.

He'd never imagined she'd turn out to be the person she was. He thought she'd be some small minded, small town girl. Everyone else in Stars Hollow hated him. He knew he'd given them reason. But she was the only one to see past it. They called him a Hoodlum, because that was all they saw. She called him Dodger. She saw more than the rest of them put together.

She was the only one who bothered to try. And that's why he listened when she reprimanded him. He'd never let her know she influenced him. But she did.

And he'd repaid her by causing trouble for her. He'd caused her to fight with her mother, her boyfriend… And all because he couldn't just stay away from her when they told him to. He didn't even know if he could've stayed away if she'd told him to.

No one had to tell him anymore though.

He glanced at Lorelai. She was sleeping in the chair at the foot of the bed. He knew he was dead and buried if she found him in her daughters room. But so far she hadn't stirred.

He made his way quietly to Rory's nightstand and set a book down on it. He looked down at her, at the cast on her arm. He sighed.

He left just as quietly as he'd entered.

* * * * *


"Where've you been?" Luke frowned at him as he entered the apartment.

"I had something I needed to do." He sighed, putting the last of his books in a bag.

"You don't have to do this you know." Luke said as reassuringly as he could.

Jess looked at the bags on his bed and nodded to him self.

It was for the best. It would make things easier on Luke. On Rory.

He wasn't going to be welcome in Stars Hollow anymore, anyway. He was surprised that Taylor hadn't led a campaign against the diner already. Windows smashed, pitchforks raised, torches burning. Hunting him down. Seeking him out. Forcing him out of Stars Hollow like some kind of desperado. That was all he was to them. Maybe, he thought, that's all he was. Period.

"Do you want me to call your mom?" Luke asked.

"No." He said quietly, picking up a few of the bags.

Luke picked up the last two and he and Jess shared a brief glance.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Jess looked around the apartment and then down at his bags. "I'm sure."

"Ok." Luke sighed deeply. "Lets go then."

Jess walked ahead of Luke out of the apartment. Luke watched him leave. He didn't know how to feel. It wasn't as if he'd wanted Jess to come live with him in the first place. Jess hadn't be the worlds greatest nephew, house guest, employee… But he'd been company. Something Luke would miss. They hadn't exactly hit it off but they didn't hate each other. Half the time Luke didn't know if he was coming or going. But Jess was family. He'd promised he'd care for him. Make sure he was ok.

He felt he'd failed at that. He'd let Jess down. He'd let Liz down. He'd let Lorelai down. He'd let down too many people to name.

He sighed and glanced at Jess's bed. The empty shelves where Jess's books had been sitting only hours ago. The table that was usually covered in CD's, was clear for the first time in months.

He followed Jess out of the apartment and closed the door behind them.