Author's Note:
Aloha all!
While you're waiting for Chapter 17 of History Lessons, I thought I'd throw this in for a holiday treat!
I know I have other works in progress, but when I had heard Meghan Trainor & John Legend's "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" song (many many moons ago), I had to write it. Because has new rules regarding Songfics (bummed out), I'm posting the story without the lyrics. But it was my source of inspiration and it needed to be written. I just hope I can nail the feeling that the song gives me when I listen to it.
And with that, I give you:
Like I'm Gonna Lose You
a Kagome/Sesshoumaru one-shot fic.
It was a good thing that Kagome had followed her instincts and not Inuyasha's when Sesshoumaru had approached them with the idea of combining their packs. Inuyasha wanted to kill his brother for even suggesting it while Kagome clearly saw the benefit of having the powerful demon lord with them to strengthen their pack and protection. What she hadn't known was Sesshoumaru's hidden agenda: get closer to the miko who had drawn his notice and captured his attention.
Just thinking about how curious he had been when he saw her textbooks for the first time or the pen she used to write with made her smile despite the most recent danger she had just survived, thanks to Sesshoumaru. Initial curiosity had led to late night conversations, which led to evening walks where she told him about what the future would be like and he told her what it was like to be a cardinal demon lord.
Inuyasha had grumbled quite a bit in the beginning and there had been quite a falling out not too long after, but he came back, apologized in his normal, gruff manner and was better about the budding relationship between his best friend and hated half-brother.
Lord and miko had become quite close over the following weeks and months as the shard hunt continued until one evening stroll, Kagome's education on demons turned to various mating habits. When she asked Sesshoumaru what the mating habits of inuyoukai were, he turned his steady gaze on her and answered, "Allow me the honor of courting you and you may find out for yourself."
Who was stupid enough to turn down the Lord of the West? Not Kagome. She leapt into his arms and giggled before pressing butterfly kisses all over his face, and then he showed her what a real kiss was. They practiced a lot after that.
Their days had been spent with asked questions and sincere answers. Evenings were measured in whispered words and stolen kisses. How would a world full of demons react to the strongest of their kind mating their most hated enemy? How would a union strengthen demon-human relations and how would affect the future that Kagome knew? With every word, Kagome felt time slipping through her fingers like the grains of sand she dug into on a surprise trip to the coast. Sesshoumaru had announced a week break so he could attend things at home and had surprised Kagome with a day at the beach when he'd had enough of his court and lordly duties. She had built a miniature model of his castle home and surprised him. Sesshoumaru had never seen the like and asked Kagome why one would spend so much time on something that the tide would later wash away evidence of. She had responded with a sad smile and watched a handful of dry sand slip through her fingers.
"I am the sand."
And she did not need to say anything more. The rest of the evening was spent in the arms of one another, making silent wishes for time to be kind to them.
The last shards were found way too soon for Kagome as it hailed the end of her quest. She watched as Hiraikotsu was strengthened, Tessaiga was reforged, and the crowning moment - when Sesshoumaru surpassed his father in strength. All these events led to the eventual fall of the evil hanyou Naraku. But the jewel was not ready to give up its existence just yet. In a last ditch effort, Kagome had been sucked into the jewel itself to make a correct wish, which would trap her soul within the jewel for the eternities to come as the Shikon's new fallen priestess..
Unfortunately, the jewel hadn't accounted for the late-night discussions she and her demon lord had regarding this very situation. Kagome knew what wish she had to make and whispered the words that would change her life.
'I wish the Jewel of Four Souls would disappear forever!'
With those words spoken, the jewel groaned and growled before the darkness around her splintered and she found herself returned to the feudal era. Kagome felt strange. Not a bad strange, but a different kind of strange. Her body tingled all over with magic and then it tingled in totally different places because Sesshoumaru's hands worried over her, searching for any injuries she may have sustained while she and Inuyasha had been in the jewel's meidou.
When he was satisfied that she was indeed whole, Sesshoumaru gathered her in his arms, ignored their audience, and breathed in her scent. He noticed a change in her scent but said nothing as it did not seem harmful. When he heard her near-silent gasp, Sesshoumaru pulled away, only to see a pained expression on Kagome's face.
"What is it?"
The breath was knocked out of her by a tugging sensation. It felt like someone was trying to pull her backwards and away from the safety of Sesshoumaru's arms.
"Sesshoumaru, something doesn't feel right…"
Sesshoumaru quirked his head to the side. He saw her lips moving but couldn't hear what she was saying and he told her as much.
Kagome panicked. Her eyes were wide with fear and she noticed that her hands were becoming translucent. She called for Sesshoumaru, reached for his armor to grab hold of it to keep herself anchored but her hand passed right through it.
No!
Her panic reached new heights when Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in surprise and his hand passed right through her body. She screamed for him, reached out with both hands, but it was pointless. She was fading from time; the ancient well was correcting the rift in time Kagome caused by existing in the past.
Tears clouded her eyes as she watched Sesshoumaru stretch for her and yell her name. She would be surprised by the great show of emotions if her heart wasn't being fractured like the jewel she had chased for so long.
"I love you, Sesshoumaru. Forever."
He stopped moving because he understood what was happening. His eyes bled into their demonic red and the winds picked up around him. The last thing Kagome saw was the blurry form of a giant white inu, ferociously howling his displeasure to the gods. They were supposed to have been mated directly after the completion of the jewel and the destruction of the Naraku. They were supposed to live happily ever after in the Western Lands and with Kagome's knowledge of the future, they were going to rule for centuries until their present caught up to the future she had left.
But not now. Now she would live alone with no way to return.
Her body and heart were submerged in the darkness of the well house on her family's shrine. Kagome pounded and clawed at the dirt that separated her from Sesshoumaru and her feudal family, cried until she could cry no longer, and when her fists were bruised and her fingers bloody, she welcomed the darkness of her mind as she fell into a fitful sleep.
The first year had been spent healing from constant injuries as a result of her many attempts at jumping through time. The second and third years were spent in a dark depression. Her grades in school had dropped drastically, just barely scoring high enough on her tests to move on to the next year. Visits to the school psychologist were unfruitful, she wouldn't speak in fear that she would model straightjackets for the rest of her life.
And then one day, Kagome stopped talking altogether.
Her health continued to deteriorate and soon she wouldn't even leave the safety of the shrine. Forever dressed in miko garb, Kagome kept to the area around her house, helping grandpa with the chores every day. The old man had sent her to his favorite antique store downtown to purchase more cleaning supplies for the shrine's treasures. Her wayward thoughts were scrambled by the sound of horns blaring, squealing tires, and the last thing that crossed her mind before the speeding car barrelled into her, sending her body into the stone wall of the store she passed was, "it was all for nothing."
~S K ~
Kagome shot straight up with a gasp. Tears had long been coursing down her face, her pillow was soaked through.
"No!" she sobbed. "Sesshoumaru!" Her sobs echoed through the room. She was startled when a clawed hand smoothed over her thigh, around her waist, and pulled her against a warm chest. She stiffened until soft, familiar growls at her back calmed her. Wicked sharp teeth nipped at her neck followed by a warm tongue to soothe over the red, raised areas. Claws pressed against her stomach and her sobs changed to relieved whimpers.
Two strong hands manipulated her until she was on her back and the big warm body in bed with her loomed over her with a silver curtain of hair that shone like a guiding star in the night.
"Another nightmare, miko?"
Sesshoumaru was surprised when Kagome pushed up, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. She hungered for him, for his touch, and it was the same every time she had a nightmare to reassure herself that he was real.
Kagome had finally run out of breath and lay back panting while Sesshoumaru continued to pepper her face, neck, and chest with kisses. If this was how she liked to calm herself down, he had absolutely no problem with that.
"What was your nightmare about, love?"
Kagome was still trying to catch her breath and it wasn't easy considering what Sesshoumaru was doing to help bring her away from the nightmare.
"I had just made the wish on the jewel and was trapped in the future. There were no...demons."
Sesshoumaru paused for a moment and then continued his prescription of comfort. Nightmares were normal for many people but the oddest thing about his mate was that she only had them after they had fights, ugly mated-people fights.
The one they had yesterday had been in the works for some time. Their second youngest pup had been traveling a rough road and Kagome, the kind and compassionate creature that she was, wanted to coddle him and pretend that he hadn't been headed down a path of self-destruction. The comfortable lifestyle they led combined with their son's personality had led him to drugs and illegal operations and the law had finally caught up with him. That the pup resembled Inuyasha to a tee and bore his name as well made Kagome lose it when Sesshoumaru handed him over to demon police.
She had turned nasty from guilt. Kagome felt that the original Inuyasha had been betrayed all over again but this time by her and Sesshoumaru. Her older and wiser mate understood the reason for her dive into bitchiness and when he called her out on it, she flipped out on him, asking him how easy it was for him to just hand his brother over for execution and how could he betray him like that, again, after all he had suffered.
In the firm voice of the Lord of the West that Kagome had not heard aimed at her in over five centuries, Sesshoumaru heatedly whispered, "He is not my brother, just as you are not Kikyo. He is our son and you dishonor my brother by superimposing him onto our pup."
That argument took place in his office after lunch and Kagome stormed out, slammed the door shut because she knew how sensitive his hearing was, and minutes later she was out of the house. Kami, Sesshoumaru had a stubborn mate. A stubborn mate with a big heart and guilt the size of China for finding happiness while Inuyasha had existed without a wife and children of his own. It was his own choice to continue living in the past but his brother did spend quite a lot of time with them, helping with their pups until one day he lay down and never woke up again.
It was hard to concentrate with an unhappy mate figuratively looming over his head. He knew at this point in their post-argument, she wouldn't listen to anything he had to say. It was better to let her calm down and come to the realization of her error on her own. Back in the early years of their mating, he had made the mistake of pointing out to her exactly where she had gone wrong and the best way to fix it - in the same roundabout way he trained their pups in the art of fighting. That had not gone over well as he had discovered when his mate opted to sleep somewhere else than in his bed for a week. Sesshoumaru had learned all about what not to say to your mate and how to properly apologize and beg like the good dog he was.
No, it was best if he left her to her own devices for now. She was brilliant and usually very logical and would see that it was best to let their Inuyasha be held accountable for his actions. With that thought, Sesshoumaru buckled down and got back to work, not realizing how much time had passed.
There was a knock on the door that stirred Sesshoumaru from the contract he was currently looking over.
"Enter."
A beautiful young inu hanyou walked in, small, slender, silver hair and bright blue eyes that she had inherited from her miko mother. She had also inherited her fiery temper from her mother but was lucky enough to have been tempered by inheriting her father's calm demeanor, only giving into the fire when she was well and truly threatened.
"Masami," he said in greeting.
"Father." She bowed her head in reply and walked forward when he held a hand out. Masami was the youngest. She was an anomaly among his pups. He believed that she was Rin's reincarnation though she was decidedly different in personality than his first daughter, though they shared the same love and passion for all things nature.
Sesshoumaru lifted his seven year old pup into his lap and allowed her to wrap her arms around his chest, as far as they would. He held her close with his arm and rested his hand on her silvery crown. "What bothers you?"
Masami took a deep breath. "Mother." Though her voice was as calm as a soft summer's breeze, her arms and how they tightened around him told Sesshoumaru how worried she was.
"Hn. She did not take the news of your brother's consequences very well this morning."
His daughter's voice was soft, every word deliberate. If Sesshoumaru had been raised with Kagome as a mother, he had no doubt he would have turned out like his youngest pup.
"She has been outside since the argument, father. It is too cold...for humans. It has snowed another inch since she's been out there."
Kagome wouldn't even notice the cold in her emotional state. "I will fetch her. Have tea ready when she comes in."
Sesshoumaru, impervious any change in weather, stepped outside their country home and was shocked at the biting chill. He knew it wasn't natural. It wasn't possible for Japan to be this cold. No, this was the power of his mate and testament of her emotional state.
He had gathered a silent Kagome from the garden gazebo and tucked her into bed with tea on the bedside table. With a kiss to her forehead, he left her side, stoked the fire in their room, and shut the door quietly behind him. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet.
Masami had gone in with a tray of food and settled a disappointed look on him, which he ignored. She would understand when she was older. And when it was time for bed, Kagome had already fallen asleep. He dressed down for bed and pulled her close, finally relaxing after a rough day of dealing with incompetent managers, partners, and emotional females. Kagome would come around soon enough. She could never stay mad for a long time.
The Lord of the West was woken a few hours later by his mate crying his name out in his sleep.
~ S K ~
After reassuring herself that Sesshoumaru was in fact alive and well, Kagome lay back down and willed the tears to stop. It never worked. Sesshoumaru lay down next to her and pulled her halfway onto him, the way he preferred they sleep. With her head on his chest, Kagome allowed herself to relax into the comfort and strength of his arms, arms that had protected her throughout the years and never let her fall. She felt tears gather again and with a humored sigh, Sesshoumaru produced a tissue for her.
"I'm so sorry-" was as far as she got before she broke out in sobs. It was a good thing that they had put up those soundproof barriers around their room all those centuries ago. Kagome's cries were not quiet by any definition of the word. "I don't know why I've been so edgy and angry lately."
After all these centuries together, Sesshoumaru knew exactly why his mate had been so moody lately.
"I ended my cycle two weeks ago, I've been getting enough rest and food. I just don't…" Kagome took another deep breath. "I guess it could be the stress of everything?"
Sesshoumaru pressed his lips to her forehead. "Stress is not good for the pup." He waited for reaction and was surprised by what she said.
Kagome stiffened and then whispered, "What pup?"
He was silent for a while, knowing that his little mate was smart enough to make the connection without his help. She leaned up on one elbow and looked into his golden eyes.
"What pup, Sesshoumaru?" He kept silent. "How long have you known?"
"Since the day after your cycle ended. It was...most difficult to restrain myself from pupping you."
Her smile and laughter was incredulous. She whacked him on the stomach and he feinted pain, which made her laugh more with the ridiculousness of it. "My superior demon seed has struck again."
Kagome's face lost all traces of humor. "Well, you can just take it back, mister, because I'm not ready to be on lockdown again." When a raised brow was his only response, Kagome continued her argument. "It's only been three years since Masami has unlatched herself from my hip, Sesshoumaru. I was looking forward to traveling and picking up my practice again."
Her pout was too delicious to resist and Sesshoumaru used his eyes to pull his mate down so he could taste those soft bits of heaven. Kissing had never been a demon practice and frankly, Sesshoumaru had never seen the purpose of it until Kagome. Now it was one of his favorite past times.
"In this, I wish you were a demon male. Then you would know how utterly...exquisite your scent is. It appeals to the beast, knowing that I have sired life within you, so others know who you belong to and always will. To know that I will be the only one to worship at your altar." He knew it was unfair for him to use his voice to seduce her, she had told him many times that he had done so. "It is my right as your mate and alpha. You had also mentioned your arms felt empty."
Kagome was straddling him now. Her fingers lightly scraped across his bare chest, still surprised that this male was all hers. One corner of her mouth tilted upward. "I'm not sure if your superior seed took, demon. Perhaps they were purified on the way or perhaps…"she looked left and right, playfully suspicious of invisible ears, "they were just confused and got lost…"
The growl that followed sent Kagome's arousal high and for the remainder of the night Sesshoumaru showed her just how well his body functioned, how none of his superior seed ever got lost, and why he was her alpha.
~ S K ~
Kagome had long since fallen asleep in his arms, still aglow from their love making. They had spoken about their son, Inuyasha, and how Kagome knew that he was beyond any help they could offer him other than unconditional love and support - but this time from the other side of the law. She slept with a smile on her lips and a sigh escaped, a far cry from her sobs and fear earlier in the evening. His mate always proclaimed how she had been so lucky that he had set his attentions on her during the shard hunting days. He had made her so happy over the years.
She knew, in her own special way, that he was in fact the lucky one. The little woman who lay sleeping in his arms hadn't even noticed him, other than him being an obstacle in her path to complete the fractured Shikon jewel. Talk about single-mindedness.
No, Sesshoumaru had been the fortunate one that she had seen the futility in following his half-brother and had decided to devote her life to him. She had been stranded in the past following the wish on the jewel and Sesshoumaru had made his intentions known. It had taken months of courting, months he wasn't sure she had. There had been so few elderly humans he had come across. The demon lord really had no clue how long humans could live because of their knack for dying in skirmishes, battles, illness, and demon attacks. It was a miracle that they survived the war-mongering at all.
He wanted to mate her right after everything had been settled with the jewel. He was running out of time, she was running out of life due to her humanity. Eventually, they learned he had nothing to worry about at all. Midoriko had visited Kagome in a dream and told her that she would share the life span of her mate as a reward for her dedication and success in completing the jewel and ridding the world of it.
It had been a long journey and a very educational one. When they were first mated, he had no idea of the siren that he would adoringly call mate. He thought her ideals in the bed chamber very forward and incredibly arousing. When he heard rumors of how others in the ruling class cast aside their mates for concubines and lovers, he pupped her in gratitude for her loyalty and her love. He had pupped her sixteen times, seventeen now. As they lived through the years and finally landed in the future she had once called home, Sesshoumaru learned that she had merely been a product of her time. He had been very grateful that the gods had sent him his mate. Very grateful indeed.
With the comfort of Kagome in his arms and the slight scent of their pup in her womb, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and succumbed to his dreams. After all, life could have turned out very differently. He could be calling Kagome 'sister-in-law' instead of 'mate.'
~ THE END & HAPPY HOLIDAYS~