Welcome to Collateral Chaos,

A response piece to the HMS Harmony Writing Fest prompt.

Summary: I took a wrong turn somewhere miles back, and now I've traveled so far down this road I don't know if I can find my way home. If I turn around now, if I choose to make my way back to you, what kind of chaos will ensue?

It was midday in the middle of June when Harry found himself alone on the terrace of their favorite café, fiddling with his Gryffindor-red tie; anxiously waiting for his company to arrive. Hermione, who was unusually late, had invited him out to brunch so they could celebrate his impending birthday.

"We don't often spend time alone together anymore Harry. I think it's about time that we do, and what better excuse is there than your birthday." She had said, and as always he found he couldn't tell her no.

So here he was, the ice in his glass slowly melting in the early summer heat as he used this free time to ponder over the last thirty-nine years of his life.

Something that he found himself doing a lot lately with increasing scrutiny and criticism.

As a self proclaimed loving husband and father of three, Harry's ability to find happiness in the memories of the only family he had ever known was remotely non-existent. There were the big life changing moments which felt mostly happy, but these too were riddled with a sinking feeling of regret that left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Even his wedding day left him wanting. A day that his past self would've recounted as one of the happiest days of his life, now left him wishing for something different, something more. He could scarcely remember what his bride had looked like that day as she had wandered down the aisle, but the image of Hermione in her pale green bridesmaids dress as the maid of honor was crystal clear.

She had been radiant, the definition of beauty. As she stood behind his wife-to-be mouthing every word that tumbled from Ginny's lips.

"Because a life without you by my side would be meaningless. The very thought of it is impossible, unimaginable even…"

The promises he made that day had felt forced, until his eyes made their way past the woman before him and rested solely on Hermione. His mind wandering to the view of her dressed in an a-line white lace button down gown. Having gone dress shopping for her own wedding; just days before. He had blinked and she was the one before him, a blushing bride beautiful in white.

"This is it." She whispered, looking over her reflection once more in the mirror. The view of which had robbed him of all the air in his lungs and set his heart racing.

On the day of her wedding he had felt cold, and more jittery than the groom as he stood behind Ron on the altar. A friend, who scowled when presented with the slim form fitting dress. His frown didn't go away until Hermione had noticed, and Harry had elbowed him for it. Still his vows were plain and emotionless, and his temper had ruined the reception.

Hermione left in tears, sat alone at their table because he was gone before they even shared their first dance.

Determined to return the smile to Hermione's face, he had offered her his hand and they danced. Like they did in the tent that night so long ago. Hermione's head had fallen to Harry's shoulder and he whispered sweet nothings into her ear, until Ron had stormed back into the tent, Ginny at his heels, furious that his moment with his wife had been stolen.

The fight that had ensued was nearly as famous as his last battle with Voldemort. It was the end of their friendship, the tent was left in tatters, and he had gone from being the groom's Best Mate, to expelled from the property for the remainder of Ron's wedding.

If Harry hadn't already been married to Ginny, he was sure he would've been banished from the burrow all together. Ginny and he ended up destroying their flat beyond repair that night, because she had sent a fair few bombardas his way.

After that Ron made it his life's mission to separate the two in every possible way. His bouts with Hermione only got more frequent, and the worst ones always seemed to center on Harry's presents in their life.

Though Hermione had been adamant that even though she and Ron were married, it did not mean that her and Harry's friendship had to change. Ron however, was completely against them even remaining cordial.

Eventually Ron had won, not because Hermione had stopped fighting; no Harry still heard them arguing about him every time his portion of the family stopped at the burrow for family dinner on Sundays; or when everyone gathered there upon Molly's instances to celebrate the holidays.

But Harry had pulled away from her, made himself scarce whenever she was too near and had limited the amount of times he contacted her.

He found that the experience was very similar to what drug addicts described as going through withdrawal. The way he craved her left his chest feeling heavy and restricted when she wasn't around. Some days it was hard to even breathe without her. He had done it though.

She had seemed happier for a short time, her and Ron's relationship had an up swing and they learned they were expecting their first child.

James Sirius had arrived the year prior.

Such bittersweet memories: the births of all his children. He loved each and everyone of them to death; but still he found that there were things that he wished he could change.

Like the color and texture of their hair or the hue of their eyes. How he wished for bushy hair, and rich chocolate browns to be staring back at him whenever he looked at them.

He would have them scrunch their noses in distaste, pour over centuries old books with a vigor that rivals that of their mother; and prattle on about Hogwarts as if he hadn't attended it himself a few decades prior.

Yes he would much rather them belong to Hermione too.

It had been a startling realization, wanting half of the genetics of your children and the partner you had while raising them to be made up of someone else entirely. But that was the truth of it.

Harry regretted choosing Ginny over the true love of his life, Hermione Jane Granger. A regret that plagued him everyday, with each passing breath his soul cried out for her with infinitely increasing strength.

His and Ginny's strained relationship did nothing to dissuade him from these infidelious thoughts. She had been long lost to her travels and stories, hardly even present in their relationship from the beginning.

His thoughts wandered to all the choices he had made in their relationship and all the times he had allowed his work to take presidents over her and their family. But the lack of effort on both ends had certainly taken its toll.

He was sure she was cheating, she had been for years. But he couldn't bring himself to care, as long as it kept her away. With all the kids now grown, the house felt less and less like a home and more like an Azkaban sentence.

The thought of running into his wife and having to have another meaningless conversation with her was less preferable than facing off against a hundred dementors again.

If only he could banish her with a patronus too, then perhaps interacting with her wouldn't be so daunting. But there were legal things, lawyers, Goblins and The Wizengamot to deal with.

He wondered faintly, how different of a life he would've had if he had chosen to follow his heart in the past. If he had a little more Gryffindor courage what would've happened.

One loud crack off in the distance, and like a chaotic wind she came sweeping towards him. The last time he had seen her this frazzled was in their 6th year potions, and just like then even with her hair in a mess she was a sight to behold.

"Hey Hermione."

"Hi Harry! Happy early birthday!" Hermione pulled him into a quick hug. It's been years since she's thrown herself at him with enough force to nearly knock him flat.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. Ron and I got into a bit of a row when he asked where I was off to. I was already running a bit behind schedule because my meeting ran long at work, but you know Ron and how he can get sometimes. He's never really liked that I work, always wanting to be the breadwinner and provide for the family. Really it shouldn't be such an issue anymore with the kids gone, but he seems to push for it more now, which I didn't think was possible. Honestly I..." She paused, a thoughtful look replacing the outrage then she paled. Falling silent.

There was a woman lost in front of him, who'd let the man she loved break her down, and ruin her confidence.

Back when Ron had only been thinking about proposing he had sworn to him that he loved every inch of her. The words he had said filtered through his ears, like he was saying them to him even now. "She's the only one for me mate. I love her so much, I can't imagine my life without her. Honestly I wouldn't change a single bit about her, we may fight but whose relationship is without any arguments. Look at you an' Gin, you fight like cats and dogs but there's so much love there. That's how it is for us. I love her Harry, and I think I'm gonna make her my wife."

'You're a bloody liar Ron, and a fool. It's so clear you don't love her, or even care for her; so why do you insist on possessing her? Let her go, step aside, just give me the chance; because I wanna love her like you said you did. '

"But never-mind that Harry, let's talk about you. How have you been? How are the kids? How's work? How are things at home? How are you and Ginevra?"

Her rapid fire questions brought a smile back to his lips, fond memories coming to mind from their time at Hogwarts.

'Seems she never did learn how to curb that impulse.'

"Whoa there, one question at a time 'Mione." He chuckled playfully, completely unaware of his slip as he lost himself in the image of their younger selves: she sat before him a book in her lap and a blazing fire in her eyes. That was the first time he had ever thought about kissing her, and like a coward he didn't.

'For our friendship? I'm a bloody fool too. I should've known that the "what if's" would kill me, and not taking that chance would only drive us apart.'

"The kids are doing well, they come 'round from time to time. Works been keepin' us all busy lately. Gin and I hardly see each other these days, so I guess we're doing well enough, as well as couples can in a situation like ours. As fer me… suppose I'm doin' fine, I find myself missing the good ol' days quite often now though." Harry muttered, nervously fidgeting with his tie.

'I miss you the most.'

"I miss you too Harry." Shit, he had forgotten how good she had gotten at reading his mind. His heart rate picked up as he instinctively checked his Occlumency shields. 'They're all still there, not even a dent in them. So how did she… Right, forgot, it's not just my shields she can get past. She just reads me like a book that's old and worn from too many uses: she knows all my tells, tricks, and ticks.'

"What happened to us?" Hermione asked, and memories of them danced behind his eyes; words he never said sat with sails raised in settled waters, and stale air.

How could he answer that, how did he tell her without also telling her how he loved her more than he'd ever loved himself; far greater than he thought he'd even known how to.

"We grew up…" He said but it sounded a lot like I love you instead. "We became different people, gained responsibilities we didn't have previously, had children who needed raising. It's not that surprising to think that we also grew apart."

"But did we Harry? Grow apart I mean? It's starting to feel more like we abandoned each other. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could talk to you about something that happened. Whether it's something good happening at work or another stupid argument with Ron. But I can't apparate to you, or floo you, and these days I hesitate to even pick up a quill. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I miss having you on my side Harry, I miss being your friend."

"I never stopped being your friend Hermione…"

" Maybe you didn't stop being my friend, not completely anyway. But you stopped being the kind of friend I could always depend on. Someone I could run to when times get rough. Who was there as a shoulder to lean on when there's trouble at home, or when work gets rough."

'It's not like I wanted this.' He wanted to scream.

"You're supposed to depend on your spouse for those kinds of things, Hermione."

'It's unfair, don't ask for those things from me while you're married to another bloke. I'd give you it all in a heartbeat if I could. I'd divorce Ginny this instant if that's what you wanted, but I can't share you… I won't.'

"Right well Ronald and I are a little out of sorts at the moment…" Glancing at him from under her eyelashes she wet her lips, swallowed her nerves and continued. "Okay, we've always been a bit out of sorts. Recently we've been going to marriage counseling; I was rather proud of him for finally agreeing to it.

But… it just sort of seems like something that's a bit too little too late in my opinion. Lately I've been thinking that it's all been a rather large waist of time; hasn't it? We've never seen eye to eye on anything, even all the way back in our school days.

I can scarcely remember a time when we weren't squabbling.

I still can't forgive him for leaving us on that hunt, every time I close my eyes I remember how scared we all were. We were just a bunch of kids fighting our parents' war after all, and I see him walking away again. Like it's our fault, no like it was your fault. But it wasn't, you didn't ask for any of it, you never liked the attention; and he's never been willing to acknowledge the price you paid for it. He's still a right jealous prick to this day because of it.

I don't remember why I ever fancied him, nor why we started dating or even got married. The worst days I suspect him of potioning me, I often feel like we took a wrong turn down a road we had no business being on, distracted by the heat of the moment; and it's taken so long for us to notice our mistake, that turning back now seems stupid, useless even.

But I don't want to keep heading in the wrong direction."

There were tears in her eyes, and his hands were already there to catch them as they fell. She lent into his palms taking the comfort he offered, she captured his hands in hers and squeezed them for strength. "I-I'm going to leave him."

"You're going to what?"

Harry couldn't believe his ears, after nearly twenty years of marriage and two kids; she sweeps in here all out of sorts, and drops this grenade on him. Not that he blamed her of course; Ron was a git of a man, and a terrible husband from the start. But somehow he just didn't think that she would ever leave him because of it.

She took a shuddering breath as she pulled away from him. She worked to regain her composure, wiping her face with a napkin.

"I'm divorcing him, I spoke with my lawyer this morning, he's drawing up the papers as we speak."

"Why now?"

"What do you mean: why now? If not now then when? What, should I wait a few more years, maybe pop out a couple more kids like he wants? Then stick around to raise them by myself too? No, no, the kids are old enough now they will understand; perhaps not right away but they will eventually. Regardless, I can't continue living like this Harry… I just can't."

'Did I just blow on some bloody birthday candles? She's leavin' 'im? I know magic is real, but I've never had a real wish come true before.'

Schooling his expression away from the grin that threatened to over take him.

'Now's not the time Harry. You can celebrate later, Hermione needs your support right now.'

He asked: "When are you gonna tell him?"