Hello to all! So this is one of the stories I write in a mad rush of an hour, after having an idea (and watching too many episodes of Friends.) This is about what might have happened had Rachel had a miscarriage when she was pregnant with Emma, which I know is a really horrible thing to think about, but I thought it would be an interesting thing to write about.
I'm sorry if I don't have the characters spot on, or their emotions, I'm not very good at writing the Friend's characters. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: You really think, if I owned this amazing show, which is the equivalent to oh, I don't know, LIFE, that I would be sitting here writing terrible little stories about it? Most likely not.
Monica and Chandler came home from dinner and were in the middle of stumbling clumsily up the stairs, Chandler trying to take Monica's shirt off, Monica kissing Chandler's neck, when they both saw Rachel. She was sitting outside their door, resting her head on the wall, holding her purse. Her eyes were closed, but she evidently wasn't sleeping.
"Rachel?" Chandler asked, confused. "Um. What'cha doing?"
She opened her eyes, grief filled and tired. "Sorry to just barge in like this. But I just didn't know where else to go," she said, putting a hand to her trembling lips.
"Are you okay?" All traces of dizzy love was gone from Monica's face.
"Not really," Rachel replied, her voice wavering dangerously.
"You want to come inside?" Chandler offered and when Rachel nodded, he extended his hand to her, helping her up. Her legs wobbled slightly and he put his arm around her waist to steady her, leading her into the house when Monica had unlocked the door.
"Rach?" Monica swallowed, not wanting to push, but at the same time desperately wanting to know what was wrong.
"I," Rachel sat down abruptley at the table, folding her hands, then unfolding them and making small circles with her fingers on the wood. "I went to the doctor today, to see," her eyelids fluttered close. "The baby," she gasped out, her voice high and weak.
Chandler still looked mildly lost, but Monica's hands flew to her open mouth. "Oh my god." Monica took a step towards Rachel. "What.. she's okay, right? The baby?"
"No," Rachel's eyes were full with tears, her shoulders quavering in attempt to not cry. "I.. she's. She's dead." Rachel let out a ragged sob. "They don't know what happened but she's dead. I was bleeding this morning and.. I thought it might just be.. whatever. But it wasn't."
"Oh sweetie," Monica said. She put her arms around Rachel's shoulders, drawing her in. Rachel, instead of wailing loudly and sniffing, cried silently, tears running down her cheeks, her breath catching every so often. Monica rubbed Rachel's back rythmatically until Rachel pulled away.
"Can I spend the night here?"
"Of course," Monica nodded. Monica seemed to almost itch at not being able to hold and comfort Rachel. "Do you want to have a shower or.. just sleep?"
"I.. I'll just put some pajamas on or something, if you don't mind."
Moncia moved to go with Rachel into Monica's room, but Rachel shook her head, ever so slightly. "It's fine."
While she was gone, Monica turned to Chandler. "This.. it's horrible."
Chandler hugged Monica, kissing the top of her head. "I know."
Rachel came back out, wearing an old pair of pajamas. She sunk onto the couch. "Tea?" Monica asked.
"Sure, thanks."
While Monica boiled water, Chandler sat down beside Rachel. He gently threw a blanket over Rachel, before putting his arm around her shoulders. She said nothing, but layed her head on his shoulder and by the time Monica came over to the two of them, she was asleep. "What do you think we should do?" Monica wondered aloud, biting her nail.
"Leave her, I guess. We'll see her in the morning," Chandler carefully witherdrew himself from Rachel, tucked the blanket up under her shoulders, kissed her forehead and then, taking Monica's hand, went off to bed.
"It's not fair," Monica said thoughtfully, rubbing Dove lotion on her hands. "About the baby. Rachel loved her so much. She would have been such a great mom."
"I know honey," Chandler said.
"It's weird that she's not talking, don't you think?"
"She's.." Chandler scrambled for the right word. "Probably just in shock," he said, crawling under the covers. Monica turned off the right and threw her arm behind his neck, putting her head onto his chest.
"I love you," she said, yawning.
"I love you too."
After a small silence, Monica lifted her head up by her elbow. "Do you think Ross knows?"
"Jesus, I don't think so."
Chandler could feel a few tears spill over from Monica's eyes, dripping onto his chest. He rubbed her arm until her breathing became even and slow, and then he quietly went out to get a glass of water.
He found Rachel sitting up on the couch, the blanket draped half heartedly around her shoulders. The TV was on mute and an infomercial was playing, but Rachel didn't appear to be watching the TV. Instead, she was holding her stomach, staring down at it. Chandler changed his course of direction from the fridge to where Rachel was.
"Hey," he said gently.
"Oh, hi," she looked mildly surprised to see him sitting beside her, on the arm of the couch.
They sat without saying anything for a few moments. "I would have loved her so much," she told him. "I already did, and she wasn't even born yet. I had.. all these ideas, about me taking her right into the city on weekends and buying her a brand new porcelain doll and me teaching her how to ride a bike and us celebrating Christmas together, and she'd go to bed early and I'd write a note from Santa and put footprints out and.. everything. And now," Rachel sighed, so dejectedly that it nearly broke Chandler's heart, "it'll never happen. It just.. it seems so screwed up that she died right inside of me. Like it's my fault or something. I was supposed to protect her and I couldn't even do that while she was right in here," Rachel lightly tapped her stomach.
Chandler put a hand on Rachel's shoulder and squeezed it and she fell into him, and really cried now, full fledged sobbing. Chandler, as a general rule, was not terribly good at dealing with people's emotions, but he let her cry and he comforted her in the best way he could.
Monica came out a little while. She stood on tiptoe to kiss Chandler and then, as he went back to the bedroom, she took his place by Rachel. Rachel's head slid down onto Monica's lap, and Monica knew not to say anything. They stayed like that all night, both of them drifting in and out of sleep, until the early light struggled through the dark New York night.
"Mon," Rachel said groggily. "You should go to work."
"I'm not leaving you," Monica assured her. "I'm staying right here."
"Okay."
'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out