La Petite Mort ("The little death," aka, orgasm)
*Edited to fix the title. Much thanks French Guest reviewer for the correction :)
I'm working on Chapter 24 of "The Cheaters," but found myself in need of a little palate cleanser! So voila. Plus it's Valentine's Day!
I'm sure some very talented writers have already tackled this subject (back when the show was actually still on the air!), but I wanted to take a crack at it anyway. This is my smutty interpretation (filling in the gaps, elaborations) of how Dan and Blair overcame their less than stellar "first time." The plan is for this to be a series of steamy one-shots chronicling Dan and Blair's close encounters all over New York. No plot.
WARNING: They're not shy. So if that isn't your thing, you may want to skip this.
Thank you Faryn Queens for the title suggestion (and for other suggestions, lol).
It starts with the "Dair-levator…"
Dan and Blair Get Busy in an Elevator
Daniel Jonah Humphrey and Blair Cornelia Waldorf were two very sensitive, highly cerebral individuals. Overachievers with an innate pressure to perform.
Perfectionists.
Planners. Thinkers.
But there were times that "planning" and "thinking" actually worked against them.
Case in point: Their first time in the sack.
There would have been no problem whatsoever had they just gone for it on the floor of the loft the night Blair showed up on Dan's doorstep. The night of CeCe's wake. The night Blair told Dan Chuck didn't have her heart anymore.
The night she'd said his name. Over and over and over.
"Dan…Dan…Dan…"
He'd waited for what seemed like an eternity to get to this point with Blair. He'd fantasized about what it would be like to be with her. He'd written an entire book about her—complete with graphic sex scenes. For all the world to see...
Sexual frustration didn't even begin to describe what he'd experienced.
But the apple was in his hand now. All he had to do was dive right in for a big, juicy bite.
Right here. In his Brooklyn loft. Possibly on the floor. Potentially on the sofa. Maybe on the kitchen island.
Or all three.
She was not only going to be saying his name. She was going to be screaming it.
This was happening.
This wasn't happening.
Lily and Rufus came barging in just as Dan was laying Blair down on the sofa, his hand creeping stealthily for second base at the time.
It should have happened. They wouldn't have had time to think. Or plan. It should have been spontaneous.
Unfortunately, it was just the first in what would become a string of highly aggravating and inopportune disruptions.
Over the course of the next few weeks, Dan and Blair tried a few more times at the loft. But a recently evicted Lily and Rufus were always around—Rufus cooking up batches of waffles, and giving Dan winks and the thumbs up sign; Lily drinking tea. And pouting.
So they gave it a whirl at Blair's.
But if it wasn't Lily and Rufus distracting them, it was Serena, who appeared to know precisely what her ex and best friend were up to. She would march, blatantly and repeatedly, along the hardwood floor in her Chloé studded boots every time Blair's door was shut. She would enter their shared bathroom. She would audibly sigh just outside of Blair's door.
And it wasn't just Lily, Rufus, and Serena that were problems. There were also elusive condoms, ill-mannered housekeepers, and unfortunate unzipping incidents to contend with.
When Blair's attempt at a sneak Humphrey seduction—in a newly acquired lacy, black lingerie set—went down in flames at the loft, they decided on another tactic.
Blair was still married to Louis, so they couldn't exactly escape to a proper, romantic pied-a-terre, but they could seek refuge in a staid, uninspired hotel room in Brooklyn.
Had they been thinking clearly, they would have instantly recognized what a mistake this was. Blair and Dan were romantics. A bland hotel room would hardly suffice. After all of the build up and excitement and extreme close encounters, they were settling for a completely uninspired location.
And unsurprisingly, the sex was completely uninspiring as well.
Again, had they been thinking, they would have seen at the outset how they'd been setting themselves up for failure.
So they did what any two disheartened people in their situation would have done.
They turned to alcohol.
Vodka for Blair.
Scotch for Dan.
After some pep talks from Dorota and Nate, they met up at Ivy's party, not quite knowing where their relationship stood or what to expect once they got there.
One thing was certain. Neither was feeling any pain.
They stood on the elevator, side by side. Drunk. Subdued. Swaying.
Completely forgetting to press buttons that were required to make the lift move between floors. Soon enough, Dan and Blair were calling each other out on their inebriation. And soon enough they were also calling each other out on the other's avoidance tactics.
That's when Blair finally broke it to Dan, just as Dorota had encouraged her to.
"That 'wow…' actually meant 'wow…' That was terrible!"
As they traveled between floors, Dan and Blair continued to reflect on the bland sexual experience. And unfortunately came to the same conclusion.
"But before we uh, we break up, I just want to let you to know that you were really, really good in my head…"
Blair scoffed. "I am really, really good out of it, too!"
Dan found himself suddenly titillated as she poked him in the chest, trying to emphasize her point. Dan's eyes narrowed. "No. I don't think so."
He was attempting to get a rise out of her now.
"Hey! I will prove it to you," Blair snapped before pulling the emergency stop button and proceeding to shove him against the wall, much to his amusement. And excitement.
This. This was the kind of scenario Dan had fantasized about.
At two in the morning. When the rest of the world was sleeping. This was the bossy, feisty, competitive, take charge Blair he'd come to simultaneously adore and be utterly aroused by.
And now here she was. Standing before him. Determined to fuck his brains.
"Right…right here in this elevator?" he quipped. "Where people have to go up and down?"
Dan could feel his cock stiffen as she forcefully grabbed his lapels.
"Mhmm, yes they do…"
Dan swallowed hard.
And with that, Blair pounced on him, performing hot, steamy mouth to mouth. He pulled her in close, hands wrapping around the small of her back, savoring the taste of her soft, wet, vodka drenched lips.
They broke apart briefly to rip Dan's blazer off, dropping it haphazardly onto the floor. Dan dove in for another kiss as he helped Blair discard her coat.
They were actually going to do it. In an elevator.
An elevator that certainly had a security camera. And a monitoring service. And an intercom.
But who cared?
With absolutely no warning whatsoever, and to Blair's delight, Dan's hot hands found their way under her thighs, giving them a firm squeeze before suddenly catapulting her up in the air.
Blair giggled as Dan teetered for a moment. It felt like the whole world was spinning as he aggressively carried her to the opposing wall.
Blair let out a tiny squeak, her back hitting against it more roughly than she'd anticipated. She wound her fingers through Dan's hair, pulling tightly as she leaned down to kiss him again.
"I want you, Humphrey…" she gasped as he propped her up. She swiftly went to unbutton his shirt.
He set her down for a moment and she went to work unzipping his fly.
"Blair…" he breathed, his fiery lips assaulting her neck now. His hands moved around to take on the zipper of her dress. He took his time with it, not wanting a repeat of the Prabal incident.
Blair grinned as Dan gently, and smoothly, pulled the dress down from her shoulders. It fell down neatly around her ankles.
His mouth furiously worked both sides of her neck, and she rewarded him by kissing along his warm chest.
"Mhmm," she cried in pleasure as Dan fused his lips on a pressure point along Blair's neck. "Right there…" she gasped.
She rapaciously pulled on his hair again, commanding him to bring his lips up to meet hers. She couldn't get enough of his lips. Her fingers pressed the pulse point on Dan's neck, descending along his pecs.
Their lips were fully engorged now. Devouring. Sucking. She pulled away for a moment, licking her lips and blinking down at him breathlessly. "I know what you need, Humphrey…" She forced him to set her down and ferociously shoved him away.
Dan looked on, his heart racing. What was she talking about? What he wanted was to put his cock inside of her.
She bit her lip innocently, a look that was only making him harder, if that was even possible.
Blair shoved Dan's pants off, then dipped her hand inside his boxers. His breath hitched. "Impressive, Humphrey," she declared before giving him a slow, smooth stroke. Dan's eyes closed at the contact.
"How does that feel?" she whispered.
"Good…good…" Dan stammered, as he bucked against her.
"Brace yourself. It's only going to get better." Blair swung him around by his shoulders, slamming his back into the wall. He let out a small grunt of surprise and watched in wonder as she went down to her knees.
She looked up at him, licking her pouty pink lips, a devilish smirk on her face. Blair slowly pulled his boxers down to his knees, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. She gripped the base of his cock, giving the tip a quick taste. "Mmmm."
"Fuck…" He exhaled as Blair's fingertips lightly skimmed over his stomach. She gave him another quick taste. He rewarded her by massaging the top of her head. She whimpered in appreciation.
And she went to work.
She began to lick slowly up and down his shaft now, never breaking eye contact with him. She gripped his legs and took him in her mouth halfway, holding him there for a moment, her tongue swirling in circles. Dan bucked against her, breathless, watching as she began to take him in even further. "Shit…"
She began to caress his balls. Dan's head fell backwards, enjoying the added stimulation.
Blair suddenly pulled her mouth off of him. Dan looked down in protest.
"Eyes on me, Humphrey," she commanded.
Dan did as directed and she slowly descended on his cock again, taking him in as deeply as possible, letting out a series of sighs and moans as she went. She grabbed his ass as she began to suck him off in earnest.
Dan swallowed hard. "Feels so good, Blair…" She lightly skimmed his abdomen in acknowledgement. "I want to cum inside you," he whispered to her.
Blair grinned as she continued to pleasure him.
He suddenly yanked her to her feet, roughly twirling her around. He slammed her against the wall, switching positions yet again. Blair loved how forceful he was being with her.
She wiped her mouth as his index fingers came to rest between the edge of her tights and hipbone.
She gazed up at him, pulling the straps of her bra down and slowly revealing her breasts to him. Dan looked on, mesmerized. She licked her lips and lightly touched them with her fingertips, grazing her nipples, putting on a show for him.
"Touch me, Humphrey."
He methodically placed his hands over hers, and together they palmed her soft, creamy breasts. "Mmm," she sighed gratefully, leaving Dan to do the work as she lifted her arms above her head, giving him full and complete access. Blair convulsed as Dan leaned in and flicked a hard, rosy nipple with his tongue. He then took it between his teeth. "Oh…" she whimpered, closing her eyes in pleasure. "You're making me so wet." Dan groaned at the declaration.
He continued to work her breasts, then began to lick and taste his way down to her stomach and belly button.
"Those people up at that party…" Blair whispered. "Wish they could watch us …" She bucked against him, enjoying the feel of his very talented tongue exploring her body.
It suddenly occurred to Dan that they probably were being watched as he briefly glanced over at the wall panel. There was no doubt some sort of hidden camera. It was the last thing he cared about, though, as he went down to his knees.
One by one he removed Blair's heels, kissing along her calves as he tossed them blindly over his shoulders. Blair giggled as he hiked one of her legs over his shoulder, kissing his way up her thigh directly over her tights, all the way up to her hot, wet center.
"Humphrey…" she moaned as she touched her breasts.
He made brief eye contact with her before suddenly pulling her tights and panties down to her knees, eliciting a drunken, girlish giggle. He moved two fingers inside her. Blair's head tilted back against the wall as he moved them in and out of her.
She bit her lip. "Oh, God. Yes. Fuck me, Humphrey..."
Dan rose to his feet. Within seconds his hands had made their way under her thighs again, propping her up against the wall.
Blair held her breath as he plunged his hard cock inside of her. She screamed in ecstasy, her legs wrapping around his waist. "YES…"
Dan buried his face in her neck as he grinded into her, her nails skimming his back.
"Mmm," she mewed.
"You feel so good, Blair," Dan whispered against her. "So tight…"
He worked her at a slow, even pace, but he wanted to hear her scream his name. He picked pick up the pace. Blair's eyes widened in delight as she felt him pound into her harder. "Oh, OH!"
"This is National Elevator. We have a notification of a stalled elevator car. Is everyone okay?"
It wasn't necessarily a surprise to hear the deep, male voice of an elevator representative coming down over the loudspeaker. Nor was it a surprise that Dan and Blair were completely ignoring it.
"Ah, YES!" Blair screamed, inadvertently answering the attendant's question as her hips met Dan's at every thrust. "So good, Dan. YEAH…"
There was deafening silence from the loudspeaker.
"DAN! OH…Oh GOD…YEAH…" Dan loved what he was hearing.
"Say it again…" Dan whispered.
"Fuck me, DAN! YES! PLEASE! Harder! YES!" Blair screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Say it again, Blair," Dan commanded.
"Okay…" said the now uneasy voice on the loudspeaker. "Um. We will… have someone out to check on the situation soon. So um, just relax and um… Stay where you are. Try not to… to panic…"
"FUCK. I'm coming, Humphrey! OH…mmm!"
With a few more thrusts, Blair had arrived in Humphrey heaven, her walls squeezing his cock with everything she had. "Mmm," she mewed again.
She gazed down at him while he continued to grind into her. Blair continued to meet his hips, touching her breasts and urging him on. "Yes, Humphrey. Fill me up. Like that. So good…"
"Holy fuck! BLAIR…"
Seconds later, Dan exploded inside of her. He collapsed against her, completely spent as he gnawed on her shoulder.
Blair smiled, sated and out of breath as together they came down from their orgasms. Her head fell against the elevator wall.
She peered down at him. "Was I as good as I was in your head?"
Thoughts? The next chapter will detail the cab ride to Williamsburg, but if you have any prompts or other ideas let me know :)
Have a Happy V-Day everyone! Hope you get to spend it with someone you love :)