The fuck am I doing?

I thought I was done with this fanfiction shit.

Thought it was a fad I'd get over with once I reached my 20s.

Thought having crushes on cartoon characters and relating to them better than human beings was far past my time.

But as a great mind once said, "apparently NOT!"

Enjoy my strange creation, as my recent obsession with these characters, and this movie, and this fanbase, have both defeated my sanity and restored it.

And don't feel ashamed for enjoying what you enjoy. I've had to get over that recently. It's a difficult process.

Feedback, as usual, is appreciated. I have already begun work on chapter 2 but I'm willing to take suggestions.

-Marie

Chapter 1

My Hero

"There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary."

It was dark at the dollar store.

Well, not dark at it, but outside of it, of course.

My Hero by the Foo Fighters was humming lazily through the speakers overhead. Just enough stimulation to encourage any late night shoppers to keep shopping. The only light coming through the windows being a streetlight placed just outside the door, beckoning the occasional drunken bastard to come on in for a pack of chips and cigs, only to discover they do not sell cigs at this dollar store, and then to run off screaming something about capitalism and "the man keeping him down" only to walk out the door without paying for his chips.

The minimum wage workers who typically encountered these late night events, Sue and Toby, couldn't care less. This happened nightly.

What typically did not happen, though, and thankfully so, were robberies.

The short haired redhead Sue was particularly nervous during the night-shift, when all was quiet, motionless, still and, honestly, creepy.

She feared that at any time, Toby could be away stocking shelves, and she'd be in front of the glass doors alone, and some stranger with a bag in one hand and a gun in the other would come up to her and threaten her life.

It didn't happen quite like that when her heart jumped at the sight of a man running through the doors, ski mask donned and black gun waved in her face.

Because there wasn't one man.

There were two.

"Tob-!" She went to scream her partner's name, but one of the men shoved a gloved hand to her mouth before she could let out more than a warning cry.

"I want the money, not your life. So open the goddamned register."

She shook her head and shakily opened the register, revealing no more than $200 in crumpled up paper cash. She could barely even grab it, her nerves wrecked to hell.

Just when she was about to shove as much as she could into the bag, the door burst open again, this time being flung so hard it crashed against the side of the window and shattered.

The noise startled everyone, including the burglars, and in walked a familiar figure, a blue man with a big head, donning a black tuxedo and a small brass gun.

"Freeze, foul fiends!"

The two burglars looked to each other, not sure if they should be running or laughing.

"Wait, aren't you a supervillain?" One of them finally asked.

The alien walked closer to them, "Ah, that is where you're wrong, burglar. See, as you may have heard by now, I have reformed," he flashed a smile and reached out his arms slightly, striking a pose.

All was silent for a time, until he spoke again, "I mean really, it's all over the news like, every day. I am dating a reporter who talks about it every day, HOW are there still people who don't know that I'm the new defender of Metrocity?"

The burglar next to Sue shrugged. The blue man zapped him with the gun nonchalantly, a blue cube dropping to the ground in his place.

"Charles!"

"He'll be fine," he walked over to pick up the cube and tossed it to the worried friend, "just toss him in some water."

The burglar dropped to the floor and raised his hands in the air, "please man, don't shoot, I don't wanna die!"

"I just said your friend is fine, goddamnit does nobody listen to me?" He reached out and zapped the other man as well, a cowering figure poofing into a tiny cube.

Sue continued to shake. She pinched herself, then looked up at the alien beside her.

"You, you saved my life."

Megamind nodded his head, "cowards, they wouldn't have hurt you, trust me. That gun of theirs wasn't even real."

"How do you know?"

"Intuition. I am an evil mastermind after all," he chuckled, "former, evil mastermind. Regardless," he straightened up and checked his suit, "I have a date to get to."

He walked away much more casually than he had entered, making a note of the door on his way out, "don't worry about this, I'll have some little friends by to fix it in the morning."

And just like that, her blue savior was gone.

Just seconds later, Toby waddled out, three boxes stacked on top of each other being carried in his hands.

He set them down and looked at the glowing cubes on the floor, the shattered door, and money scattered all over the place.

"Did I miss something?"

Sue scowled, "well thank God it wasn't an emergency, Toby."

The House was an old fashioned bar with a nice wide stage. Live music played every night, from 8pm to 12am, and tonight was no exception.

Roxanne was sitting at a table, legs crossed as she waited impatiently for her date.

In the meantime, a scruffy older man was desperately attempting to gain her attention.

"You know, back in my day, every man had two women. He had his house ho, and he had his work ho. And sometimes, he even had a garden ho too!" The man burst out laughing at his own joke, slapping his leg so hard that if he weren't obviously drunk, he might have hurt himself.

"Fascinating banter, really, but if you don't mind-"

"Oh, and sometimes though, you know, the work ho was the house ho. Now that's called true love. Its also called working from home!" He slapped his leg again, laughing hysterically at himself. Roxanne had grown tired of this long ago, but she had a feeling that he wasn't going to leave her be no matter what she said.

Just when she was opening her mouth to make a smartass comment about the garden ho burying the husband, her hero walked in, dressed in black, his boots clicking as he walked towards her.

"Oh look, there's my boyfriend, you can go now."

The man turned to see him, and he coughed.

Nothing else. He didn't move out of the way or say a word. He just coughed, and looked back at Roxanne, "so about the work ho,"

"Excuse me, good sir, but I do believe this is my seat." Megamind placed a hand on the man's shoulder, gesturing for him to stop leaning on the chair and more importantly to kindly go the fuck away.

The two men had a staring contest for a moment, and Roxanne piped up.

"Um, Megamind, this man has been irritating me all night."

His eyebrow raised, "Oh really?"

"And making sexist remarks."

"Sexist remarks, sir, is that any way to treat a lady?"

The man put up his hands "I-I was just trying to make friendly conversation is all!"

Megamind put one foot up on the chair and glared down at the man, pointing to him as he raised his voice, "let the record show that THIS MAN thinks friendly conversation means to make sexist remarks at women!"

The man blushed and trotted away, nearly everyone taking a glance at the scene that just transpired.

Megamind sat down and rested his chin upon his intertwined fingers, "public humility, works every time."

"That was surprisingly sexy, Megs." Roxanne took a sip of her wine and reached out for his hand.

He smirked, "oh Roxanne, everything I do is surprisingly sexy."

To an extent, she would agree with that statement. Especially as of late, just as her newfound relationship with the real version of him was beginning to take hold.

"Two months, you know. We've been dating two months already," she remarked.

"Yeah, a lot can happen in two months."

"A lot has happened, but, I was wondering about something," her face began to blush as she thought about what she was about to ask him.

"Yes my love?"

"Um, Megamind, I, I wanted to know if we could-"

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" A voice broke over the speakers and the couple's eyes shot towards the front of the bar. A short, tubby man with a big black mustache was holding a microphone and gesturing someone up onto the stage.

"Please welcome to The House, Angel Mann!" He passed the mic over to a tall, slender figure, with skin like shining porcelain, long bleach blonde hair that led down to a neatly trimmed beard that touched the tips of his bright pink round rim sunglasses. All wrapped up in a bright white suit, a guitar hanging from his neck as he spoke through the speakers with a gentle tone.

"Thank you for having me tonight, Metrocity."

Roxanne tilted her head. Did he just pronounce it "Metrahcity?" The way Megamind does?

Without another word, Angel beckoned his band to begin playing, and Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting rang through the sound system.

It was far too loud for Roxanne to continue saying what she was going to say, but she insisted on trying nevertheless.

She bent forward over the table and tried to get her boyfriend's attention, but he was fixated on the music.

She tapped his shoulder, finally causing his face to snap towards hers, and guided him to lean an ear in to hear her.

"I wanted to ask if-"

"What?!"

Roxanne groaned in frustration, "I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT!"

"Oh, can it wait?"

She leaned back and tilted her head, giving him a pouting look.

He lifted his eyebrows and nodded towards the band before mouthing, "Want to dance?"

She rolled her eyes and grabbed his outstretched hand as he lead her to the dance floor.

Music always moved through his soul, like a cleansing breeze or a nice warm bath. Especially rock, rock always helped him think, helped him clear his head.

And he loved to dance, especially with Roxanne by his side.

As the song pulled to a close, Angel shifted the tone.

"Yeah, you really got me now, you got me so I don't know what I'm doing."

Megamind looked up and locked eyes with Angel, giving him an approving thumbs up before he continued to dance. Angel apparently took his gesture differently.

The man in white stepped down, no longer strumming his guitar, letting his backup guitarist take over as he kept singing and walked closer to the blue man in black.

Singing louder, Megamind jumped back, realizing just how close Angel had gotten to him.

"Boy, you really got me now,"

"Wait, what?" Roxanne stepped away, shocked by what was happening. Angel walked right in front of her, as if she was a ghost.

Megamind, however, was highly intrigued by Angel circling him like a hawk, though he couldn't help but look quizzically at the situation and think "what the hell is happening?"

Angel took a step back, smiled at the blue man, and finished his song with a long, stretched out strum to his guitar as he dropped the mic to the ground, all the while keeping his eyes focused on the blue alien before ending to a bar-wide applause and walking back up to his stage.

Roxanne walked back over, arms crossed and lip bitten.

"What the fuck was that?" She scowled at Angel, then looked back to her boyfriend.

"That was, a serenade, right?"

"But why was he serenading you?"

Megs took a step back and crossed his arms in return, "maybe he thinks I'm attractive?"

"I was dancing with you, it's not like you were alone. I was just pushed aside like, like he didn't even see me."

"I mean, maybe he didn't."

"Why are you defending him?!"

"I'm not, I'm just-" he shook his head and smiled, "it was really nothing. It was kind of nice, honestly, having that kind of attention."

Roxanne was even more frustrated now, all sorts of frustrated. And most all of it had to do with him.

"I still need to ask you that quest-"

A loud strumming was heard through the speakers, the beginning of yet another song. Roxanne stomped her foot in anger.

"Ugh!"

Megs took her hand and caressed it softly, "hey, do you want to talk outside for a bit?"

She sighed in relief, "yes, please."

The couple escorted themselves out, and suddenly the ruckus of Angel's band quieted to a muffle behind the wooden doors.

Megs placed a hand on Roxanne's shoulder, feeling how relieved she was to just be alone with him.

"Speak, temptress."

She laughed, "well, we've been dating a few months now, and, I want to take things to the next level."

Megs took a step back, "well," he began, rubbing the back of his head as his other hand rested on his hip, "uh, I mean, I thought this was a good pace we were taking."

"It is, I just, want to kick up the speed a bit. You know, most human couples move forward much faster."

Megamind blushed, "I, I don't want you to assume I don't like you, Roxanne but, this is a big step."

She raised an eyebrow, "I mean, if it's different in your culture I totally understand. We can wait as long as you want-"

"I mean, all this, me being hero stuff, when would we even find the time to put this together?"

Roxanne began to wonder if they weren't thinking of the same things, "huh?"

"It would have to be big, you know. The city would expect that. It would probably have to be broadcast all over the place."

They were definitely not thinking about the same thing.

"Megamind, what are you-"

"At the same time, to have you rule together with me as my Queen," he grabbed her hip and pulled her close, "is quite a nice thought. Alright, Roxanne, I'll do it."

"Do, what?"

"I'll marry you."

Roxanne turned red with laughter, her hand pushing into his chest.

"What's so funny? Why are you laughing, you brought it up!"

"I wasn't talking about getting married, babe," her palm shifted, and she placed a single finger upon his chest before whispering into his ear, "I was talking about sex."

He turned a pinkish purple, his green eyes went wide and his grip on her tightened, "you-me, with me?"

"No, with the mailman."

"Oh."

"Of course with you!" She grabbed his face and turned it towards her, "I was nervous about asking you but, it just didn't seem like we were heading in that direction anytime soon."

"I mean, I didn't think you'd even want to, not with me. Maybe with the mailman."

"Megamind, focus. I want to. With you. I don't know what to expect, I doubt your genitalia is human, if you even have any, but-"

He turned around at her, shocked, "wha- of course I have genitalia, I had PARENTS!"

He looked up and caught sight of a couple of women who where just passing by when he happened to shout "OF COURSE I HAVE GENITALIA!"

"You know, if you're a little louder, you could let the entire city know we're talking about sex."

"Roxanne, I- I am honestly more taken back by this than the marriage thing. I mean, marriage is such a wholesome thing, but, I've only seen sex in TV shows, and it looks so, weird. I have a very limited understanding of how I would even perform."

"You've never had sex?"

"Well what do you think? Look at me!"

She rubbed her arm, "I mean, I'm surely not the only one who would take you to bed."

He blushed again, his voice now lower, more seductive "well, when do you plan on this taking place?"

She swooned, "I was hoping we could try tonight."

He took a minute to think, raised his chin up to the sky, and came back down to look at her. He closed his eyes and nodded matter-of-factly, "yes, that sounds doable."

Roxanne smiled, and leaned up to kiss him, then slapped his ass naughtily. He didn't take it the way she assumed he would, "what was that for?!"

"You're going to be a naughty boy for me tonight, so you need to be punished."

"All have you know that I am reformed, Roxanne!"

He still wasn't getting it.