Harry Potter and the Musical Nightmare
Disclaimer No, I don't own harry Potter of the characters you will find here, they all belong to J. K. Rowlling... but nothing impeded me of murderize the whole Harry Potter Universe! Mwahahahahahah!! This is a music filled piece of crap, ahem, I mean, fict! I'm so eeeeeeevil!!! Oh yeah, this might not make lots of sence because I had to translate it from portuguese... sorry people! hides
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Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger are at the door of a class room, at the School of Magic and Wizardry of Hogwarts, along with other Gryffindor Students. They had enrolled in a new subject: Sentimental expression.
HARRY: Does anyone know who'll be giving these classes?
RON:
I have nooooooo idea!The students keep on whispering among each other until the heavy door slowly opens itself and inside the room they can see... the professor Abus Dumbledore. Slowly they go inside.
DUMBLEDORE:
Come in, come in and sit down. Welcome to the new subject or sentimental expression. This class was created so the students might share and release their frustrations. Dumbledore smiles Most of you might be already climbing up the walls with all you've been through and lived so far so, and before you go totally loony, let's express out those frustrations.Dumbledore rises and walks towards Harry.
DUMBLEDORE: Do you want to start, Harry? You must be one of those that have more to say.
Harry nods in agreement and rises, taking a chair and placing it in the middle of the room. The room gets dark and a white light falls on Harry, who is sat on the chair, alone, looking melancholic. Music fills the air and he turns at his colleagues, singing. (Cake - I Will Survive)
First
I was afraid
I was petrified
thinking that I had to live
With Voldemort sneaking by my side
RON:
interrupting Harry's tune. The music stops like a scratched record. Light fills the room again HARRY!!! Don't say his name!!!HARRY:
Ok, OK! Geeze! A guy can't say a thing these days! he starts singing again as the rooms grows darkI've
spent so many nights
with the Scar burning, feeling ill
hidden under the covers
Thinking that the you-know-who was after me for the kill
And then he came back
From the outter space
With his wand in hand
After he vanished without a trace
When he killed my parents
He tried to kill me but it was his end
I'm the boy who lived
And now he returned ready to try again
Oh and now
He
walks in the door
Ten times uglier
And
as smart as a Troll
He cursed me with Avada Kadevra, I know I must flee
He thought I'd humiliate
I know he's here to hunt me
Oh,
but no
I will survive
as long as I use magic,
I Know I'll stay alive
Even
if Trelawney say he'll murder me
protection comes from the great professor D.
I will survive
I will survive!
Yeah, yeah
The music stops and light fills the room again. Harry takes the chair and sits again beside Ron and Hermione, that applaud him. Dumbledore cleans a tear from the corner of his eye clapping too.
DUMBLEDORE:
Well done Harry! Well done! Very expressive! 50 points for the Gryffindors! he looks around And who wants to go next?A cloud of green smoke enter the room by a window, before everyone's astonished eyes. It stops in the middle of the room and Voldemort comes out of it, with a microphone in hand. (Sting and the Police - Every Breath You Take)
VOLDEMORT:
This tune is for you, Harry.Once I tried to kill you
With a scar you survived and disappeared out in the blue
My powers, you took them too
Now I can't even use the loo
I'll be watching you
Every single day
And every word you say
For every headache I had
You've escaped from me many times, yes you have
I'll be watching you
Oh can't you see?
That I want to kill thee?
And to my wish fulfil
Unicorns I had to kill
Possessed others own
And searched for the Philosophers stone
Pettigrew didn't kill you
Quirrell couldn't touch you,
I'll be watching you
And when I get my powers back,
I'll be right behind your track!
I'll be watching you
I'll be watching you!!
The music ends and everyone applauds excited, the girls screaming like there's no tomorrow: Voldie, Voldie!
VOLDEMORT:
bowing for its students audience Thank you, thank you! Mondays, Wednesday and Sundays on the dark Forrest! Come to see my show! Thank you, thank you!DUMBLEDORE:
Voldie, this was your best show ever! If you were in a house team, I'd give you 50 points!VOLDEMORT:
Thank you Albus! Voldemort jumps to Dumbledore's arms and hug each other Thank you for this chance of showing my misunderstood talent!Still hugged, both of them start screaming and crying like little girls and an Aaaawww leaves the mouth of every student. Some of them – like Ron – start crying feeling sorry for Voldemort. Hermione cleans a tear. Dumbledore and Voldemort break away and Voldemort sits next to Harry, that pats his back and gives him a tissue. Dumbledore cleans his nose and turns to the students.
DUMBLEDORE:
Who's next?Before anyone can do or say a word, or even be able to move, Hermione Granger jumps to a table. Waving her wand she mages colourful lights spring everywhere and using dark sunglasses she says:
HERMIONE:
Hit it!Music starts rolling and she uses her wand like an electric guitar, dancing on the table. (U2-Elevation)
STU-STUDY-IIIII-IIIING
(Ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-oh)
(Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-oh)
(Ooh-ooh)
Smarter,
better than the everyone
I know everything like no one
What ever we need to learn, I already know
and even when I'm eatin'
A good book I have to be readin'
For gettin'
To elevate my IQ
The
Hogwarts story I already read
You'll never see something like me
On classes I always behave
I only want the best grade
Everyone knows I'm the best
The best at
STU-DY-IIIII-IIIING
(Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-oh)
(Ooh-ooh)
STU-DY-IIIII-IIIING
The envy
from the whole school, I know
Harry, the potions classes must hate
But I only want my mind educate
In history of Magic I know it all from before
Transfigurations I get loads of points for the Gryffindor
Alohomora I know to say
And save
Harry from the problems he gets in
Ron is afraid of spiders
and Neville trips over on the ladders
I'm the best in Aritmancia
I feel like I'm a genius
Genius!
STU-DY-IIIII-IIIING
STU-DY-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-IIIING
(Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-oh)
(Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-oh)
STU-DY-IIIII-IIIING
(Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-oh)
(Ooh-ooh)
STU-DY-IIIII-IIIING
STU-DY-....
When she realises that everyone is staring at her, Hermione stops the music, makes the lights disappear and steeps down from the table with a shy look on her face. But before Dumbledore can say a word, Ron rises and runs to the center of the room. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley appear from behind a tapestry and Fred, Jorge, Percy, Ginny, Charlie and Bill jump from under the tables and join Ron. (????? - We are Family)
(The Weasley family making second voices as Ron sings)
We
are family
I've got all my brothers and sister with me
We are family
With freckles and red hair we're easy to see
We are poor and barely have what to eat
(Ron)
But
we are happy
(HAPPY!)
With seven children to raise, dad went to wok on the ministry of magic
So
our fate on Hogwarts wouldn't be tragic
(OUR!)
Everyone
asks how can we live
The house looks like its falling apart
But let me tell you, its no lie
Family is the best of your life
(The Weasleys all together)
We
are family
I've got all my brothers and sister with me
We are family
With freckles and red hair we're easy to see
We are poor and barely have what to eat
(Ron)
Mom
works at home and cooks very swell
Percy prays to do his work well
PERCY:
Amen to that bro!Charlie works with dragons and Bill counts Galleons
Fred and George, don't try their jokes and illusions
FRED and GEORGE:
You said it mate!!Ginny would faint,
If Harry asked her for a date
GINNY:
SHUT UP!!!!As for me, I'd like to punch Malfoy on a fight
But let me tell you, it is right
Family is the best of your life
Before Ron and the Weasleys have time to be applauded, a head pops out from the fire of the fireplace, scaring everyone.
LUPIN:
Hey, Sirius!Another head pops in right beside Remus Lupin, looking at everyone on the room.
SIRIUS:
What do you want? I was sleeping!LUPIN:
Look! It seems like Dumbledore is giving a Karaoke party! Let's join them!SIRIUS:
Okay!Lupin and Sirius jump from the fireplace, patting the dust on their cloaks. Both wave their wands and a light falls on them and music starts. (Baha Men - Who Let the Dogs Out?)
(Ron, Harry and Hermione making second voices)
Who let the dogs out?
(Lupin and Sirius)
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
(Lupin) (Dumbledore, Voldemort and the Weasleys)
I was a professor, in the beginning it was okay
Hey, Yippie, Yi, YoAnd for me Professor Snape had no love, yay
Hah, ho, Yippie Yi YoEverything was swell until the full moon came Yippie Yi Yo
I had to transform and werewolf was my name
That's when the god had to be released
(Ron, Harry and Hermione) (Lupin and Sirius)
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
(Sirius)
The boy here the full moon couldn't see
So a dog I became
I don't cut my hair, fur is everywhere
And a tramp forever I'll be
HARRY:
Let's go people! Only the dogs on tha house!(Sirius and Lupin)
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
(Lupin and Sirius) (Dumbledore, Voldemort and the Weasleys)
We're here to say Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo
We have fur and we haul but give us a chance Yippie, Yi, Yo
We're great dudes and these are our plans Yippie Yi, Yo
Sniff some gals and enter the dance Yippie, Yi, Yo
Join the party and shake it until the night ends!
Sing with us!
(Ron, Harry and Hermione) (Lupin and Sirius, Dumbledore, Voldemort and the Weasleys)
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof
SNAPE:
(that come out from a cauldron) What the hell is this?DUMBLEDORE:
In the beginning it was a class of sentimental expression, but now I think it turned into a Karaoke party. Want to join us?Snape makes a thinking expression. Then he grabs the edges of the cauldron and steppes out of it.
SNAPE:
Okay.He makes a microphone appear and walks over to Lupin and Sirius.
SNAPE:
Help me my dear friends. I need a backup choir on the electric guitars.Snape summons two electric guitars for Lupin and Sirius, transforming their robes and cloaks into black leather rock clothes. The music starts. (???? - Bad to the Bone)
In Hogwarts I have a bad reputation, they say I'm a bad guyI hate Harry's father, his mother and his dog toy
HARRY:
(interrupting Snape's music that stops like a scratched disc) But I don't have a dog-shaped toy!SNAPE:
It was only to make a rime! You could have a donkey toy for all that I care! (Snape continues singing) I pass on the corridors and the students shake nervousI'm hated by everyone, I'm bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
Bad to the bone!
I take points from the Gryffindor, when they are winning
And lots more I'll take baby, before the year is ending
I was Voldermort's pal, one glance from me and you're gone
I'm hated by everyone, I'm bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
Bad to the bone!
I make Harry tremble, and leave Ron squeaking
Hermione's hair raises in the air, and Neville starts weeping
What a hell of a class, why do I have to get this job done?
I'm hated by everyone, I'm bad to the bone
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
Bad to the bone!!!
The music ends and Snape, along with Sirius and Lupin, bow to the smashing applause. Hermione and Ginny scream like lunatics, jumping to Snape's back. Ron and Harry whistle.
HARRY:
That was excellent professor! Great song! (Harry yells)SNAPE:
Thank you for you kind complement Harry! 100 points to the Gryffindor!RON: (jumps in his seat and screams) WAIT!!!! STOP EVERYTHING!!!
Everyone freezes where they stand and stare at Ron that is on the centre of the room looking around with a worried expression.
RON: Wait!!! How could we??? HOW COULD WE?! he makes a very dramatic face, like he's about to say that the world is about to end HOW could we be here and partying without calling my best friend here? My pal? My homie?
HARRY: Hmm but... Ron? I'm here!
RON: (approaches Harry and pats his shoulder) Sorry Harry I should have already told you... me and... and....
(EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM): (barely containing the excitement) Yes...?
RON: Me and... Draco... we...
(EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM): (approaching Ron from all sides) YES...????
RON: Me and Draco....
HERMIONE: (Yelling at Ron's ears) Cut the crap! SAY IT FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!
RON: Me and Draco we are best pals!!! Ron screams out and is voice his followed by a heavy silence in wish everyone stares at him... than everyone sighs in relief and start laughing
HARRY: (patting Ron's shoulder) Is that all? Man, you almost gave me an heart attack! I thought you were saying that you had an affair with Draco!
While everyone laughs, the door of the room burst open with a blinding light and some smoke. For some minutes all they can see is a waving cloak... that someone starts to cough and the light fades showing Draco Malfoy involved in smoke.
VOLDMORT: (poking Giny) Very nice entrance, very dramatic... (she nods in agreement)
With a sexy smirk and light steps, Draco walks to the centre of the room, waving at Ron and Harry wich left Hermione and Ginny truly Jelous. He pushed the cloak aside and got in position to start. He ran his hands through his hair and turned at Harry. (R. Kelly – I believe I Can Fly)
I used to think that I was the king of the block
I was the bad boy and my presence rocked
But then Harry came and stole me my fame
I knew I had to be ahead of the game
If I hate him, then I can kill him
If I just chase him, nobody can save him
I want Harry to die
Knock him out of his broom on the sky
I've planed it night and day
To burn and tore his limbs away
And I hope it hurts
I'll throw him the Crucio spell until his head bursts
I want harry to die
I want harry to die
I want harry to die
See I want to bring him down
'Cause not having an archenemy is not fun
I'll hate his guts through the years he'll live
See him dead is the best gift someone could give, oh
If I hate him, then I can kill him
If I just chase him, nobody can save him
I want Harry to die
Even if I have to deceive and lie
I'll do it the painful way
Put a Dementor behind him everyday
And I'll be sure it hurts
I want to make him pee on his shorts
I want harry to die
I want harry to die
Harry must diiiiiiiiiiieeeeee
The room goes wild with screams and cheers. Mrs. Weasly, Hermione and Ginny drool at Draco's feet while Ron and Mr. Weasley pat his back congratulating him for the exquisite performance... but before Dumbledore can speak and give the deserved points to Draco..
HAGRID: (coming suddenly from under Dumbledore's legs, rising him on his shoulders. Hagrid looks excited) Can I sing too? Can I sing too? I can, can I? Oh, please! I want to sing too! Please professor Dumbledore! Please?...
DUMBLEDORE: All right Hagrid, but I'd appreciate if you put me down. (Dumbledore smiles waving his wand).
Hagrid puts Dumbledore on the floor and starts jumping around. Dumbledore summons a microphone of the size of a football appear from the thin air and Hagrid takes it. (Caetano Velozo – Leãozinho (Brazilian song) )
I like o see you, little dragon, burning my beard in the sun
I like to see you, little dragon
To make happier, little dragon, my lonely heart
I only had to find you and have fun
A dragon's baby, in the morning
A three headed dog that kept groaning
And an hipogriff, he flew outta here
A giant spider, I'll take her everywhere
I'd like to see Norbert, the little dragon, but he's in Romania
Fuffy the three headed dog is gone, he fled
Buckbeak ran away and joined the Wrestlemania
Aragog wanted to eat the kids 'cause she wasn't fed...
Hagrid stops singing and starts crying as big tears start streaming down his face. Hermione goes to pat him as he starts to yell cry:
HAGRID: (whining like a hurt wolf I want Buckbeak back! And-and-and Norbert and-and-and fluffy!!!! whines more and louder)
HERMIONE: Aaawww Hagrid, it's ok. We'll give you another dragon. Look, I have a dragon's egg under my bed, you want it?
HAGRID: ..... Sniff.... really?
HERMIONE: For real! But don't tell anyone! Nobody knows that's I'm also a big admirer of those lovely and adorable flying beings!
Snape goes to Hagrid and gives him a tissue, trying to pat his shoulder, jumping so he can get to his back. Hagrid turns around and gives a hug to the professor... breaking Snape's bones in the process.
HAGRID: (hugging Snape) Thank you professor! Thank you! You're so adorable, so pretty, so nicie, so tiny, so...
SNAPE: (with his face purple and barely breathing) ... So in need of medical assistance...
Hagrid realises he's suffocating Snape and puts him down, trying to clean his now wrinkled gown. Arthur Weasley helps Snape (that was walking like a drunk, because he was dizzy, through the room) to sit on a chair as Fred, George and Ron wave books in front of him to give him some air
DUMBLEDORE: (looking at his silver watch) Oh dear! Time flies when we're having fun, isn't it? It's almost time to finish this class.
(EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM): Aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!!!!
DUMBLEDORE: We have to. I hope everyone had fun with this class and that everyone had the chance of getting in touch with their feelings. Now, and before we go, Let's form a group to sing one last song, what do you think?
(EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM): YAY!!!!!
Dumbledore waves his wand in the air and the music starts and everyone goes to the centre of the room. The room dims a bit, making a night sky though it's still day. Stars start falling slowly leaving silvery traces. Dumbledore starts. (Sting - Every little thing she does is magic)
(Dumbledore)
They say I'm very wise
The best headmaster Hogwarts had
Then a Troll enters to scare
On the feast on the Great Hall
But I'll never let the school fall!
(Everybody)
Every little thing we do is magic
So from the Muggles we have to hide
And though the outcome of our powers sometimes get tragic
With our wands we do it all with pride
(Harry, Hermione, Ron, Malfoy, Fred, George, Ginny and Percy)
About Hogwarts we already know the story
On the first class we had
Now they teach us to use the magic
And there's no better place to learn that!
(Everybody)
Every little thing we do is magic
So from the Muggles we have to hide
And though the outcome of our powers sometimes get tragic
With our wands we do it all with pride
(Snape, Hagrid, Lupin, Sirius)
We resolved to be teachers one day
To teach magic the old fashion way
But our silent fears got to us
When we reach the classroom door
But we like it, that's why we were for hire
Or else will we do before retire?
(Everybody)
Every little thing we do is magic
So from the Muggles we have to hide
And though the outcome of our powers sometimes get tragic
With our wands we do it all with pride
Every little thing we do is magic
So from the Muggles we have to hide
And though the outcome of our powers sometimes get tragic
With our wands we do it all with pride
(Dumbledore jumps forward to make a solo, holding his wand, singing like it was a microphone)
Every little thing
Every little thing
Every little thing
Every little thing
Every little
Every little
Every little
Every little thing we do
Every little thing we do
Every little thing we do
Every little thing we do
Every little thing we do Eee oh oh...
(Everybody)
Every little
Every little
Every little thing we do is magic, magic, magic
Magic, magic, magic
Every little thing we do is magic
So from the Muggles we have to hide
And though the outcome of our powers sometimes get tragic
And that's he way it has to be!
The song ends with everyone under a star shower and in weird positions like they were making a musical show. The scene starts to tremble and fade...
RON: (trying to wake Harry up) Hey, Harry! Harry wake up!! HARRY POTTER!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!
Harry wakes up startled at the sound of his friend's shouts. He searches for his glasses on the pillow and looks up at Ron.
HARRY: What? (Harry looks around. He's on his room, on his bed. He smiles. It had al been a dream).
RON: Time to go to classes. Were you dreaming? You were mumbling something about everything we do is magic. Are you feeling ok?
HARRY: I was having a dream... we were on classes and we were singing... You were there and Hermione was there too... and Dumbledore and Hagrid and Sirius and Lupin and... and Snape and Voldemort... everybody was singing!
RON: (with a scared like hell look on his face) Geeze! That wasn't a dream, no way! That was a nightmare!! Just imagine, Snape singing! (Ron shivers) I don't even want to imagine!
Harry gets up and dresses himself. Ron sits on Harry's bed, waiting for him.
HARRY: Which is the class we're having now?
RON: Don't you remember? It's that new class that Hermione forced her to attend, what was its name? (Ron makes a thinking expression) Oh, I know! It's the Sentimental Expression Class!
Listening to that, Harry remembers about his dream and faints. Ron seems astonished to see Harry fainted on the floor but does nothing to help him.
RON: Geeze, that dream must have been really bad... I wonder what he dreamed about? (he shrugs and leaves the room leaving Harry still collapsed on he floor).
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So here it is! Finely finished! Wheeee!!! I just wanted to say that I was not taking drugs nor was I drunk when I wrote this... D I hope you all like it and pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase tell me you think of this! I'd love you to death if you do!