Scrubs Season 5 Episode 1 My Difficulties
We start with J.D. wide awake in an empty bed.
J.D.: Since I was a kid, I've been able to sleep through anything -- storms, sirens, you name it. Last night, I didn't sleep.
He gets out of bed, we cut to him in front of a mirror.
J.D.: You see it was last night I got the most shocking news of my life.
We cut to last night…
ELLIOT: J.D. I'm pregnant.
J.D. just stares at Elliot with wide mouth.
ELLIOT: J.D. What do you think?
J.D: I think I handled the situation like a true man. I've got to go.
J.D. rushes up and runs into a room. Leaving Elliot on the sofa on her own.
J.D.: I was in that bathroom for 3 hours before Elliot finally gave up and went to bed.
We are back in the apartment at the present time. We see J.D.'s head pop out of the bedroom.
J.D.: Lucky for me she has already gone to work. Something tells me she might be a bit pissed at me.
We cut to the hospital with Dr. Cox at the nurses' station on his own looking at a chart. J.D. comes through the entrance.
J.D.: Hey Dr. Cox.
DR. COX: Newbie please last night i was told that I have fathered about little spawn of Satan with that evil ex wife of mine so I am not in the mood for any of… you today.
J.D.: I got Elliot pregnant to.
DR. COX: I don't care.
J.D.: It's like we have telepathic sperm.
DR. COX: Oh danger big danger Jackie. I'm going to count to 1 and then I want you out of here.
J.D.: But…
DR. COX: One!
J.D. jogs off down a corridor. He bumps into Turk.
TURK: She's pregnant!
J.D.: What?
TURK: Carla my little babies finally got the job done!
J.D.: Oh my god!
They start hugging and jumping up and down, other doctors and nurses look at them funny.
TURK: Ok we better not do that again ever.
J.D.: Yeah you're right.
TURK: At least not here.
J.D.: I got Elliot pregnant as well.
TURK: Wow it's like we have telepathic sperm.
J.D.: Exactly.
Turk sees Dr. Cox in the distance behind J.D.
TURK: HEY DR. COX.
He turns around looking confused.
TURK: CARLA'S PREGNANT.
He starts running towards them. Turk and J.D. both run away in opposite directions.
Opening credits.
We start back again with J.D. on his own in a patients room deep in thought.
J.D.: I've been thinking about this all night and I'm not sure if it's a good thing. Now don't get me wrong I'm not against having children its just everything is moving so quickly.
Dr. Cox comes into the room.
DR. COX: What do we have here?
J.D.: 22 year old women who has been complaining about chucking up.
DR. COX: It's your scientific knowledge that impresses me the most.
J.D.: I try my best. Should I get a baby scanning thingy ready.
DR. COX: Once again excellent. Get the 'baby scanning thingy' ready.
Dr. Cox walks off with J.D. following.
J.D.: So what do you think I should do?
DR. COX: So many answers to that questions its unreal. I think you should shave your head get rid of your vagina and just live in the woods.
J.D.: I meant about Elliot.
DR. COX: Oh right now you have been more specific I have no problems telling you, I couldn't care less what you do. The only way I would care is if you shaved your head lost your vagina and lived in the woods ok.
Dr. Cox walks off.
J.D.: Ok maybe I'm asking the wrong person here.
J.D. turns around to find the Janitor looking at him.
JANITOR: You know what I think you should do?
J.D.: No but I'm guessing your going to go and tell me anyway.
JANITOR: I think the woods are to good for you. I'd say more the sewer.
J.D.: Great thank you for your input ass breath.
J.D. walks off.
Intermission
We are with Elliot and Carla who are at the nurse's station.
ELLIOT: What am I going to do?
CARLA: There's nothing you can do. In the end if he doesn't want this baby boot him out.
Dr. Cox comes out of nowhere.
DR. COX: So he can live in the woods.
ELLIOT: What?
DR. COX: Nothing.
ELLIOT: He wouldn't leave me to raise the baby on my own would he?
DR. COX: I think it would be a good thing if he left.
CARLA: WHAT!
DR. COX: You think the baby would want to be raised by two mothers it would freak him out.
ELLIOT: You're not helping.
DR. COX: Not trying to help.
Dr. Cox walks off.
CARLA: Don't worry J.D isn't the type to just leave he hasn't got the balls to.
ELLIOT: Yeah he hasn't had since I took them and put them in my drawer.
We go to J.D. who is with the pregnant patient.
J.D.: Congratulations.
PATIENT: Why would have I done?
J.D.: You're pregnant.
PATIENT: What?
J.D.: You have a baby inside you.
PATIENT: Ok that's just a creepy way of putting it.
J.D.: Do you want me to tell anybody?
PATIENT: Oh god know.
J.D.: I sense that this isn't good news.
PATIENT: I'm 19 years old I'm not ready for a baby.
J.D.: I'm not ready either.
PATIENT: How old are you?
J.D.: 20 something.
PATIENT: I don't even live with my boyfriend. Do you?
J.D.: What?
PATIENT: Live with your boyfriend.
J.D.: Yeah.
PATIENT: Truth be told I'm not even sure I love him. Do you love your girlfriend?
J.D.: (Obviously deep in thought now). Yeah.
PATIENT: Then what makes you not ready.
J.D.: I'm sorry I'll be right back.
J.D. walks off we cut to Elliot who is crying in the equipment cupboard. Suddenly the door opens and J.D. is there.
J.D.: Elliot.
ELLIOT: How did you know I'd be here?
J.D.: Its 3 o clock.
ELLIOT: Oh.
J.D.: I'm sorry.
ELLIOT: For what?
J.D.: When you told me I didn't know what to think I was half scared half confused. All I kept thinking was I'm not ready I'm not ready but now I cant wait 9 months. Ive been given all I've ever wanted. It may be quicker than I thought it would be but I don't care it gives me more time to enjoy it.
Elliot starts crying again he goes and hugs here.
J.D.: Its ok don't cry. Its amazing how much your mind goes through when told some massive news. You go thought so many emotions. But you know if its right your mind or somebody in exactly the same position will show you what you have known all along.
We cut to J.D. and Dr. Cox who is with the patient.
J.D.: So you see I think having this baby will be the best thing that will ever happen to you.
PATIENT: If it happens now it will happen later when I want it. I'd like an abortion please.
DR. COX: Coming right up.
Dr. Cox and J.D. walk out the room.
J.D.: Still not come to terms with Jordan being pregnant again?
DR. COX: Not now not ever.
J.D.: You love Jack what's wrong with another.
DR. COX: Give it 9 months you'll see.
J.D.: I look forward to it.
Turk comes out of nowhere running down the corridor and passes the two.
TURK: She's pregnant! I'm going to have little dowg's.
J.D.: Somebody is going to sleep well tonight.
End Credits