Chapter 1

A choice

Authors note: So I'm new to this site and still trying to navigate it so you'll have to excuse me. This is my very first fanfic ever! But anyway this is something I'm just doing for fun because I felt inspired by some things I saw on Tumblr. I also have incorporated some of those ideas into my story with my own little twists and such. Hopefully you guys will enjoy.

"Clarke you cant do this, I wont let you!"a man with curly hair yelled.

"We still need you hear!"

"Our people do not need me here anymore Bell. The coalition has been going on strong for years now. We have finally learned to coexist and everyone is happy and safe. There's no more fighting and plenty of food. We have finally enter into a time of lasting peace."

"Bell, is right Clarke, this is insane! You have no idea what this thing could do to you! It could kill you!" a brunette tried to reason.

"I have try Raven, this is something I just need to do for myself," she said with sternness in her voice. This only caused the corners of Raven's mouth to turn into a scowl. Her patience were running thin, she had been trying to convince Clarke that this was a very bad idea but to no avail.

She studied Clarke's eyes as she ran a hand through her mocha colored strains. She saw something she had not seen in a long time. The blonde's eyes burned with a flame of determination. Those once blue eyes, now darkened and filled with loss had a new purpose. She damn well knew that the young leader was going to fight hard for this new purpose and that it was going to be difficult to persuade her otherwise.

To her though, this was ridiculous and borderline crazy, their leader, her friend, was basically throwing her life away. After surviving everything the harsh world had put them through together, this is how she wanted to die? This was something she wasn't going to let happen.

"And what happens when one day all of this falls apart," Bellamy tossed his arms in the air," If everything we built comes falling apart."

Her expression hardened and with a flat tone she replied,"It wont."

" Look, you and I both know that peace doesn't last forever, there will always be a new threat. People still listen to you and turn to you for advise. If it wasn't everything you did with the grounders and trying to keep the peace between two different cultures, what we have today might not exist. So whether you like it or not Clarke we still see you as our leader,"he glared. Her mouth twitched, unbeknownst to him he had hit a sensitive subject. One that always stirred up hidden emotions within her.

"That wasn't all me. Lexa, and I, we fought together for peace between our people before she was taken from this world."

"She changed her whole culture, for a chance at peace. She is as much as a part of it as I am," she informed, her voice thick with emotion.

"And we know that. And she wont be forgotten. But your still here and shes not," his face softened when he saw the sadness that had clouded her features.

Clarke looked between her friends and the machine. She was torn in two directions of what her head was telling her to do and what her heart wanted to do. She knew they had good intentions but she just wished they would let her go.

"I have much faith in our new chancellor. He is very capable of doing what is right and what is best for our people."

"Clarke this is bullshit! It's suicide! It could kill you!" Raven exclaimed in anger at her friend's death wish.

Bellamy lowered his tone and spoke softly,"Clarke this isn't the way, our people will always need you, your friends need you, I need you."

Bell glanced over at Raven who was fuming,"Raven, Octavia, Jasper, Monty and you, we are all that each other have left in this world. We are family."

For a brief moment Clarke closed her eyes in thought. She loved her people, she had given up so much for them and she would do it all over again in a heart beat if she had to. She loved her friends and Bell was right they were more family than friends to her but after the death of a someone who was very near and dear to her heart she just never was quite the same. Lexa had held a piece of her heart, a piece of her soul. So when the woman she loved died a part of her did as well. She was after all Clarke's Heda, her Lexa, her soul mate.

Not too many people were made aware about her and Lexa's relationship mostly because of her beloved's death due to the betrayal of Lexa's mentor. She forced down the lump in her throat and pushed the memories back into the furthest depths of her mind. In fear that if she didn't she would end up a mess on the floor in a pool of her own tears. Something Clarke didn't want her friends to see.

She opened her eyes once more and looked into Bellamy's, a sad and quiet sigh escaped from her lips," Ok." It was all she could manage as she left both Raven and Bellamy in silence.

"Hey Clarke can I get you an order of my famous moonshine?" the boy on the other side of the bar smiled brightly. She couldn't help but return the smile even if she wasn't in the best of moods.

"Here you go enjoy, its on the house because no offense but it looks like you could use a drink. Everything ok Clarke?" the charcoal colored, haired man asked with concern.

"Sorry, yeah I'm good Monty, how's Jasper?"

"He's good, out with his new girlfriend,"he informed her while he rolled his eyes, earning a genuine chuckle from the blonde. She remembered how Lexa would sometimes give an eye roll when Clarke would tease her about her small candle obsession. Her mouth curved into a smile at the memory but it was short lived. It quickly faded as bitter memories of Lexa's death came flooding back.

Monty was about to speak when they heard a call from the other side of the bar, someone else who wanted another drink. He quietly apologized to Clarke and made way over to the other customer. She stared down at her cup, twirling it in circles as she watched liquid swish from side to side. She was too deep in thought to notice when someone sat down next to her. It was only when the sound of a familiar voice broke her from her thoughts that she acknowledge the other person.

"So I just had one hell of a chat with my brother and Raven."

"Did you now?"

"They're worried, I'm worried about you! Like what the hell Clarke! Time traveling really? " Octavia pinned her a look.

Octavia watched as her friend continued to stared at the cup in her hand and when it became clear to her that Clarke was going to stay mute she quickly became agitated.

"Cut the shit Clarke! She's gone! Its been years! You need to move on," she spat harshly but just loud enough so only the blond could hear. This had gained the leader's attention as she snapped toward the shorter girl.

"And you? Can you honestly say you're over Lincoln?" she fired back which she immediately regretted. There was a brief moment of pain she saw flash in the other girl's eyes before it was replaced by anger.

"No, I'm not and you know this, he's apart of me and always will be but you need to let the past be what it is, the past and just deal with it. I'm not the one who's still bitter about it,"she reached over the bar, grabbing a bottle and poured herself and her friend a shot.

Clarke watched Octavia knock back the shot with ease, "I'm sorry O, I shouldn't have said that, it was a low blow and your right. Its just when this day comes around I am reminded of what I lost that day and what I will never get back."

O shifted in her seat as recognition dawned on her, "Oh shit."

Her eyes dropped down to the counter of the bar for a moment before returning her friends gaze, feeling embarrassment wash over her, "I'm sorry. I forgot today is the anniversary of her death." There was a brief pause as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"You know back than, I was a bit naive and I'll admit it now, that I didn't quite understand or grasp everything, especially when it came to Lexa. I know there are things that you and I will never agree on, about choices and decisions that have been made especially on that mountain. Whether it be you or Lexa's choices, but I will say, the both of you did what you thought was the best your people."

She looked into the blondes eyes with sadness in her own as she spoke,"And when I finally opened up my eyes and saw all that Lexa had been trying to accomplish before her death."

"How she tried to keep the peace between our once separated people. While at the same time trying to change a part of her culture that was built on Jus drein jus daun and to change it to blood must not have blood takes some balls."

Octavia smiled when she heard a quiet laugh come from Clarke,"I know no one other than Murphy, and myself really know about you and Lexa but Clarke, Lexa really was special and I am truly sorry."

the blonde warrior forced a smile,"Yeah she was but so was Lincoln."

"And it's ok O, you're not wrong. I should have moved on by now but I never got a chance to really do so I think," she continued on, letting her eyes fall back onto the cup.

"There just was no time to properly do so, not with the whole Ontari mess. I had to push away my pain and focus on that."

"It's just that what you don't understand, what really hurts the most is that, here right now in this time and space it has finally come." Octavia watched as her friend's face scrunched up as she finished the rest of bitter tasting liquid. If it were under different circumstances she would have teased Clarke about it.

It was actually the first time Octavia had paid any attention to Clarke's features. The fighting and stress had definitely taken it's tole on her friend. The harsh existence of this world and the need for survival of their people had most definitely drained some of the life from the blond. She looked tired and worn. Her eyes lost their vibrant sparkle and even her hair had lost its radiance. Her locks, once a beautiful shade of blonde as if they were kissed by the sun were now faded and dull. A kind of brightness and happiness that once filled her had seemed to have been replace with such feelings of sorrow, regret and loss.

Octavia could tell that Lexa's death still plagued and haunted Clarke. Even though her friend would never show it, she knew it affected her more than she let on. She would never forget that day when she went to visit Lincoln's grave. She had found Clarke at the commander's grave, a heaping mess of hot tears. That is where she learned the true nature of her relationship with Lexa.

"What are you talking about?" Octavia pressed her lips together in confusion.

Clarke set her now empty cup on the bar and looked at Octavia, eyes riddled with sadness and a half smile across her lips,"Shes gone and it has finally come, the day where we...owe nothing more to our people."

Authors note: Spoilers! If you haven't watched or heard anything about the most recent episode of the 100.

D; All my favorite characters are biting the dust! First Lexa now Link! Does that mean Octavia is next?T_T Probably not but still!