Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X-2 or any of the characters in it. Hah! Try and sue me now, Square!

Square Lawyers: "...Dammit!"

Paine: "Just get on with the story. Better yet, don't, and save us all the trouble of doing so."

Whoah, whoah, whoah. You're not getting away THAT easily.

Paine "..."

ENTRY ONE:

Taking a new career path today. I'm becoming a sphere hunter. Not by choice, mind you: I'm trying to pay off my debt to some bastard Hypello who claims that I "deshtroyed hish shoopufsh", and now I have to pay medical expenses "...or yoush will be in big trubbable". It's not like it's my fault that I nearly killed the damn thing. It should have moved out of the path of my sword quicker.

Stupid things creep me out.

Anyways, this leads to me having new coworkers. So far on the crew I've met Buddy, Brother, Rikku, Shinra, and Barkeep. Buddy is alright, actually. It's the rest that are hard to deal with. Shinra, for one, keeps trying to impress everyone with his "intellect", and when he doesn't have the answer for a question, he states "...I'm just a kid". In that full-body suit, he could be a 35 year old midget and we wouldn't know the difference, so I'm starting to have my doubts.

Rikku is too...girly. She always so bubbly and hyper. Evidently she thinks that's a positive trait. I don't think she's ever heard of having too much of a good thing. I may have to "pick her up" off the deck of the Celcius and "set her down" on a hard surface a mile below us.

Barkeep is okay. I, for one, can't tell the difference between a Hypello and an oversized blue frog. They're all the same to me. You've seen one Hypello, you've seen 'em all, I guess.

...Don't even get me started on Brother.

You might say I'm being a bit bitter for someone who just got a job as a sphere hunter. I say, cram it. If you spent a day with these guys, you would be, too.

-Paine

ENTRY TWO:

We've pulled another weirdo into our pool of unfortune. Another crew member joined today. It's the High Summoner, Yuna. I thought, ah! At last! Perhaps someone who saved Spira from unrelenting destruction and pain could have some sanity.

Nope.

The whole day, she refused to shut up about some blonde blitzer. On and on and on. Says his name was Tidus, or something. Throwing her into the crowd, our days on the Celcius will now read as follows.

Yuna: "We need to find my boyfriend!"

Brother: "Stuff your stupid fancy-pantsy blondie boy! We are sphere hunters now!"

Rikku: " insert random nonsensical babble here "

Shinra: "...But I'm just a kid..."

Me: -draws picture of Brother in a dress, yelling "I am a fruit!"-

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

At least something positive happened today, however. I'm taking place in a game that may help me repay my Hypello debts sooner. The person who goes the longest without saying the word "Tidus" wins the money pool. All I can say is that if Rikku's only way around it is to replace the word with "you-know-who", I'm going to own this game faster than you can say "Tobli on crack".

-Paine out.

ENTRY THREE:

Some half-dressed blonde psycho made off with Yuna's Garment Grid today. Why she can't keep a closer eye on things, I don't know. Then again, if you dress in clothing as skimpy as she and Rikku dress in, you probably deserve to have things stolen from you. Frankly, I've seen more cotton in an aspirin bottle. I guess from the looks of my wardrobe, I'm not really one to talk. At least I wear pants, though.

So now we're chasing her down in a desperate attempt to get back all our dress spheres, including that Songstress one. At least we didn't have to do much for it, and the only cost to pay was my very dignity. I suppose that after joining the Gullwings, I wasn't really using it, anyway.

Let's just hope we can find that impostor and get this done quickly.

-Paine, signing off.

ENTRY FOUR:

Well, we finally caught up with that Yuna impostor today. Had to dress the real Yuna in the "Gullwings' Prized Garment" to sneak her into Luca. I can only imagine how terrible that must have been: Brother wore it before her, and Yevon only knows what he did with it. I don't even want to think about it.

The fake Yuna was evidently putting on some kind of concert. Where does she get ideas like that? If I was going to have people think you were the all-powerful, greatly respected High Summoner and savior of Spira for a week or two, I think I'd do more than just hold some weird, one-song concert in Luca. I'd probably use it to my advantage to score some free stuff. You know, some food or drinks or something. Maybe some coupons. Hey, there were some Al Bhed who wanted to give Yuna a hover free of charge the other day, maybe I could...

Wait...what am I thinking?!

Ugh. I need some erasable ink.

...So anyways, as you can imagine, the whole deal went like this:

Real Yuna: -swelters-

Fake Yuna: -sings-

Rikku and I: -infiltrates-

Guards: Attack!

Rikku: -spies-

Guard: Hey!

Rikku: -punches-

Guard: I AM DEAD

Other Guard: Hey, you!

Me: -punch, spin kick, railing slide-

Other Guard: I DIE NOW

Hover: Zzzzzzwoooooaaaaarm!

Fake Yuna: -annoys-

Goons: -fail-

Me: -awkward comment-

Real Yuna: -cowers by crate-

Henchmen: Grr!

Real Yuna: -matrix flip-

Enemies: We die!

And so on and so forth.

-Paine, last hope for Gullwing sanity