This chapter is extremely experimental. I pushed the limits of my writing ability on this one, since I'm not good at writing actual emotions or character development yet. Hopefully it ain't' terrible. Also, this shit is like 32 pages long so I might have missed some typos. To those authors willing to write and edit 20,000 word (65+ pages) chapters I applaud your diligence.

As always, these chapters are subject to change since I'm basically writing without a plan in mind.

Mccringleberry

Signed: September 22 2021

Chapter 3

Archer had a dilemma.

Now, comparatively to the problems he was used to burdening himself with, it was a relatively minor one. In fact, you could almost say he enjoyed having such a mundane quandary, but nonetheless it was a dilemma.

'What should I do about Miia.'

His new houseguest had been with him for almost two weeks now, and her advances had continued all the while. Now, Archer wasn't an inexperienced virgin. Normally, if a woman was throwing herself at him in such a fashion, he would not turn them down, especially a nice girl like Miia. However, there were a few things holding him back.

For one, the law. She was not underage, thus legal in that regard, but one of the stipulations placed on hosts was that they could not hurt or violate their homestayers, and understandably so. That was all well and good, but hurting or violating apparently also included consensual sex as well, and such an infraction could result in jail time if discovered. However, Smith wasn't likely to perform her duties and enforce this. And even if she did, he could just hypnotize her to make the problem go away, so this first point didn't have much influence over his decision.

Secondly, the idea of getting with a demi-human felt weird to him. Not that Miia wasn't beautiful or that he was repulsed by her, but until 6 months ago he wouldn't have hesitated to kill a lamia on sight if he ever came across one. Not that he ever had, but it was always a slim possibility in his line of work. And centuries of distrust towards non-human species could not be discarded so easily.

Lastly, he didn't know if or when he would leave. Ultimately, Archer was under the impression that Alaya would eventually erase his unnatural existence from this world, either by killing him or taking his soul back. Or both. With that in mind, it would be cruel to let the girl fall in love with him only for him to die abruptly for seemingly no reason. Archer might be an asshole, but he wasn't a sadist like Kirei. He gained amusement from mocking others, but not from causing them pain.

However, in the end, he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. There's only so much one person can advance on you before you either turn them down or accept them. Well, when that critical juncture rolled around, he'd make a decision then.

Pledging to push off the issue for now, he figured he might as well get out of bed. Though he woke up an hour ago, he had used that time to think on the issue while mindlessly going through various blades with his reality marble as a meditative exercise.

Before he could roll out of bed, his bedroom door began to creak open. Tensing for a moment, instinctually thinking it might be an intruder despite not feeling any breaches in his bounded field, he quickly relaxed upon hearing the slow dragging noise of Miia slithering across his floor.

'Did she come to wake me up?'

He then closed his eyes, thinking he would indulge her this once. But she said nothing and never shook him awake in any way. She merely stood at the side of his bed, peering down at him silently.

'Is she just watching me sleep? Perhaps she's unaware of how creepy that is.'

Finally after a while, the covers of his bed here lifted. He thought this meant she would wake him up then, but instead he found her slipping into his bed with him. This didn't bother him much, until she coiled her tail around his body in a very dangerous fashion.

'If she squeezes for any reason my shoulder will be dislocated.'

This was where he drew the line. Opened his eyes to find out she had closed hers as she began drifting off into sleep once more.

"Miia, I need to get up. Unwrap yourself from me."

"No … just five more minutes," she mumbled in a whiny tone with her eyes still closed.

"If you truly wanted five more minutes, you would have stayed in your own bed."

"Minutes? No, I meant five more degrees." She cracked her eyes open to look at his face, smiling elatedly at how close it was. "I couldn't warm myself up so I figured I'd use you."

"Hoh?" He raised an eyebrow. "Then go take a bath. That will be far more effective than myself."

"Don't wanna. I want you to warm me up instead."

"I was fully aware of your reasoning. I just didn't care. Now let me up."

"... No way."

"Miia … ack!"

Suddenly her tail tightened around him even more as he attempted to get up, pulling him closer into her bosom.

'Is this girl trying to crush me?'

Her seemingly affectionate action was turned into a violent one due to the lack of control of her own strength. He quickly reinforced himself and began pushing against the skin of her constricting tail. With his considerable skill with reinforcement, he found mild success at keeping the pressure off of him. Unlike a moment ago, he could now breathe, but was still stuck.

Ordinarily, if an opponent had him in his current position, he would merely skewer them with a projection and break free easily, but he hadn't that option this time, no matter how much his well trained battle instinct told him to do so.

This was a problem. If he were anyone else, she could have caused them serious injury.

"Miia! Control your strength, you stupid girl!"

Freeing an arm, he roughly grabbed the tip of her tail which had been wrapped around his head and pushed it off before working to liberate the rest of his body. But in step one of that process, grabbing the tip of her tail, the rest of her tensed up. Thinking this reaction strange, he looked at her face, only to find her blushing and biting her lip.

"D-darling … what're you doing to my tail?"

'What am I doing exactly? All I did was grab it.'

"Is your tail a weak point?"

"Y-yes, it's very sensitive, so be gentle with it."

"Ha! You're telling me to be gentle while trying to squeeze me half to death?"he asked in an indignant tone. "Miia, release me and I'll let go."

She seemed to ponder it for a moment, but became fidgety and blushed more intensely than before.

"Actually … I don't mind it if you get rough."

'This girl is hopeless! She's missing the point! Did she completely ignore my saying that I'm in danger of being crushed?!'

At this moment he wished for his Servant body back. He could have broken out of her hold easily if he still had it.

Reinforcing himself to the utmost extent, he began shifting and struggling within her embrace. While he could feel himself making progress on his escape, with Miia's grip around him loosening, he also noted that she seemed to grow more and more hot and bothered as he did so.

"Darling… if you keep doing that …"

This happened for two reasons. For one, he never let go of her tail's tip while thrashing around, so his movement accidentally caused him to stroke it more. Secondly, because snakes, and subsequently lamia, mate by wrapping themselves around each other, their current position was extra stimulating for her.

"I can't … hold it … anymore …"

Her body was nearly limp at this point, and her breathing was ragged. With her grip on him now weakened, he immediately pushed himself out of her hold, swung his feet off the bed and stood up.

That was close. It would have been embarrassing, after everything he's survived, to suffer an injury from a snake girl who was sweet on him. He was eternally grateful that Rin was not here to see these types of moments, because she'd never let him live it down.

"Haaaaaa," he sighed with his back turned toward the bed. "Miia, I do not appreci…"

That was as far as he got as Miia leaned her exposed chest against his back, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"COMING!" she screamed as her body spasmed.

'All I did was grip her tail! How sensitive is this girl?!'

That day, Archer learned that she was far too easy to please not only emotionally but physically as well.

"I've warmed up now. Darling, you're such a beast in the morning ."

"... just go take a bath," he said, but upon seeing a coy smile forming on her face, he quickly added, "by yourself you horny snake woman!"

Honestly, he knew he couldn't keep this up for long. Considering how ridiculous this morning's situation was, he might as well accept the inevitable.

Making his way downstairs, he immediately started preparing breakfast for the two of them. It was fairly early in the morning, with the sun having touched the horizon only an hour beforehand, but for Archer it was considerably later than his usual wake up hour. He wasted more time in bed pondering his conundrum than he originally thought. Mentally, he berated himself for becoming indulgent and lazy over the past few months, but he honestly couldn't help it. It was the first 'vacation' he had gotten in nearly half a millenia.

While cooking, the TV was turned to the local news. Although Archer didn't care much for the rest of the world, he figured he should at least keep up to date with important events, especially since he had no other way of finding things out. After all, even if he did have a smartphone, he didn't use it for anything but calling, as social media wasn't anything he was interested in and he couldn't figure out how to use the news app. On the TV, that demi-human pop idol group was being reported about, but he tuned it out due to the info being unimportant.

Besides the early incident, he thought it would be a relatively quiet morning, but then…

Ping!

'Just my luck.'

His bounded field informed him that a certain guest was at his door. A very annoying guest.

Without even knocking, Smith barged through his front door and entered his kitchen without any shame or fear, a foolish decision if she knew who the owner actually was. Alas, chef Emiya Shriou didn't scare her in the slightest as she began helping herself to his coffee.

"You're welcome," he said sarcastically, making no effort to hide his irritation with her.

After taking a sip, she responded back, "Ah yes, good today as well. Ever since coming here the last time I haven't been able to get over how much better your coffee is compared to the cheap shit at the office."

"If you say that this is your entire reasoning for being here I will kick you out."

"Still grouchy I see. No, I had an errand to run this morning and was in the area. Figured I'd drop by to see the species representative I'm in charge of."

"Doing your job properly? How unlike you."

"As long as my record looks good on paper."

Archer's face deadpanned at her response. Though he already knew this about her, the fact that she admitted it so readily meant she was becoming a bit too comfortable around him, something that he didn't want.

"So did you fuck her yet?" Smith suddenly said to start off the conversation.

If his face held a deadpan expression before, now it held one of exasperation. Somewhere in his mind, he noticed a presence which was hiding outside the kitchen listening in on their conversation, but he ignored it for now.

"Although I'm not one to lecture on tact, you should really learn some."

"It's a fair question considering what I've seen the last two times I've been here. And that was a couple weeks ago. There's no way her advances on you haven't intensified."

"True. They have. Now if that's the end of that discussion …"

It wasn't. Seeing his reaction, she slyly smirked as if greatly assumed.

"You've at least thought about it, haven't you? She's got a good figure, ample breasts and good looks in general. Not to mention she's head over heels for you. I wonder if you've really been holding yourself back."

"Well, I have. I would rather the program not press charges against me just because I couldn't control my libido."

"Well, at least you understand that."

She suddenly stood up and walked over to a side table, upon which was a book that she had given him a few weeks prior. Picking it up and walking back over to the main dinning table, she slumped down into her chair while holding it up to him.

The book was titled 'Idiot's Guide to the Cultural Exchange Bill: Anything a Host Might Need to Know.'

"You read it?"

"I have."

"And?"

"And I think that the cultural exchange bill is the most incompetent, loop hole ridden piece of legislature I've ever heard of!"

"I see. So you disagree with it?"

"Naturally."

"So you did fuck her then?"

He could only sigh once more, something which he had found himself doing a lot lately.

"Still on that, are you? It's almost like you're hoping for it to happen."

"Who can say?" she answered vaguely. However, this response of her's, instead of clear denial, gave Archer's suspicions even more credibility.

'Does she want it to happen? Truly?'

Smith continued. "All I can say is that this is the first time the demi-human has fallen for the host, rather than the other way around. The exotic nature of these 'monster girls' are extremely alluring to quite a few men, so placing one in their home can cause the host to fall in love. But this is the first time it's happened the other way around. At least in my experience."

"So you think I'm interesting because of that."

"Very. And it's not like I can't see the appeal." Smith stood up and strutted over within a few inches of Archer, boldly grabbing his chin and pulling his face closer to hers. "You're quite the catch after all."

Thwap!

Archer expertly swung his head backwards from her grasp to avoid the tail which had been whipped at his face. Turning his head to take a look at the attacker, he saw a peeved Miia with her tail poised to launch once more. But rather than that, his eyes focused on the fact that she hadn't even dried off after getting out of the bath, evidenced by her skint tight shirt which had turned practically see through.

"What are you doing?! Keep your hands off darling, Smith-san!"

"Hmm," Smith hummed in understanding, watching as the lamia girl slithered over and wrapped her arm around Archer's protectively.

"You hear me?!"

"Relax, hun. I was kidding. Anyways, I gotta get going, so Darling-kun, make sure to keep it in your pants." She then stopped, and gave the most self satisfied smirk. "At least when I'm around."

'So she does want something to happen!'

He listened to her walk out, still a bit frazzled by her seemingly illogical actions. But he quickly shifted gears to look at the girl who was clinging to his arm, pressing it against her still damp body.

"So, mind telling me why you tried to hit me with your tail. You were liable to concuss me."

Though he was glad her target wasn't Smith, as he doubted she would have dodged it, the fact that either of them was targeted at all was a bit angering.

"Sorry about that. I did it without thinking."

"Do so next time. I've noticed this before but you really don't understand how destructive your own strength can be."

"... sorry."

Ugh, the fact that she just meekly apologized instead of defending herself pricked his conscience a bit. He couldn't stay mad at her for long.

"Anyways, breakfast is done, so sit down while I dish."

It took a moment for her to release his arm, but she did eventually and took a seat at the table as told. As he dished, he could feel her set of eyes on his back, watching his every move. Not that he minded though.

Setting a plate of food down in front of her, and then taking his spot across the table from her, it was impossible for him not to notice her downtrodden expression.

"I assume you overheard our conversation?"

He didn't assume. He knew, but she didn't need to know that. Though surprised by his inquiry for a moment, not expecting him to guess that she had eavesdropped, she quickly grew disheartened once more, nodding 'yes' to his question.

"I see. Well, I think I know which part you're upset by."

She was silent for only a moment, biting her lip as if hesitant to speak, but eventually asked, "Is the program's prohibition really a big deal?"

He had anticipated she'd ask something like this, so his answer was immediate.

"Not really. It's not like they could prove whether we are sexually involved or not."

"Then …!"

"I have other reasons holding me back. And until I can resolve those reasons, I won't cross any lines."

"But … okay," she relented, having nothing to respond to that. He didn't know this, but a part of her thought that his words were merely an excuse. With the mood now entirely solem, they ate breakfast in silence until Archer eventually left for work.

A few days later,

"It's a date! A date! We're on a date! I'm on a date with darling! "

"I realise you're excited, but if you don't compose yourself, it'll be quite painful for you."

"What was tha-"

Bang!

Without watching where she was going, having been too immersed in her own jubilation, she ran face first into a light pole. The people watching her, whose eyes she had attracted by singing, quickly hid their cringes or snickers upon seeing her hit her head in such comical fashion.

Of course Archer did nothing to hide his own mocking smirk.

"What did I tell you?"

But she didn't respond to his provocation and soldiered on.

"It's fine! Nothing can ruin today!"

He shook his head at her carefree attitude. She really was too energetic for him to keep up with.

Although he and Miia had planned on a date anyways, Smith had requested him to take her out to integrate her into human society. Though he questioned why Smith hadn't done so already, she made the excuse of 'I'm busy,' and then proceeded to tease him by saying 'and don't take her to a love hotel.'

Knowing his luck, he'd probably end up at a love hotel by the end of today.

Dragging him from his thoughts was Miia's hand, which almost pulled him off his feet as she sped head with him in tow.

"Let's go Darling! Our date awaits!"

Theoretically, it should have been Archer choosing the destinations for their date, but Miia, having heard about the many wonders of the human world, only relied on him for instructions to places she chose.

Archer was forever being dragged around by women in his younger days, so his position was really nothing new. And besides, he found himself to be an incredibly drab person, so he wouldn't have had the first clue about how to conduct a colorful young love type of date that Miia wanted to experience.

A restaurant, an arcade, a photobooth and many more. All of them were first date style destinations, at least they were for people in their teens. But since Miia never got to experience them during her teens, she was overjoyed to experience them now. Archer, however, felt out of place, but did his best not to show it. Though he did vow to take her on a more adultish date later on.

"Ah, this is so fun! I thought Japan was a very formal place, but I'm glad that all of my dream date stuff existed here. Though it can be a little hard when everything is designed for humans. I really wanted to try karaoke."

But the booth would have been too cramped with her in it.

She obviously hadn't seen the twitching on his face when she suggested karaoke, and he let out a huge sigh of relief upon finding out that it wasn't practical. He never liked karaoke. He was average at singing, but he hated doing it. He didn't find it interesting even as a child. Ilya had gotten into it before she died, and she had forced him into doing karaoke a couple of times, but her death made the whole thing a bitter experience for him.

Ugh. While he was glad that, inexplicably, in this body, he remembered his past a lot better than he could before, sometimes in these types of moments he wished he could forget a little.

"Ah! Look darling! That shop serves all kinds of species! Let's go in!"

He half mindedly began following her into this shop, until he saw just what kind of shop it was.

'Can we not?'

It was a lingerie shop. In the back of his mind, he acknowledged that, per the exchange law, she couldn't go anywhere without him and thus she couldn't visit this shop on her own. Meaning it was inevitable that he'd end up here.

However …

'If I let her go in, we might be here all day.'

So far, he hadn't gone shopping for any type of clothing with her, so he didn't know if she was a 'waste your whole day shopping' type of girl. Knowing his luck, she probably was. He just hoped she wasn't like Rin in a jewel shop.

Sighing, he took a step forward into the building, following a single stride behind her.

"Excuse me!" She enthusiastically approached one of the store employees. "What do you have for lamias?"

And like that his fate was sealed.

While she went straight to the admittedly limited lamia section, he let his eyes explore his surroundings as he leisurely made his way after her. Coming across a manikin showing off a pair of white panties, it got him thinking.

'What would lamia panties even look like? How would that work?'

He could think of a few ideas, but it was easier to just walk back to where Miia was to find out. Looking around the lamia section, he found the label he was searching for. Laying eyes upon them, he was honestly a little confused.

'How do they even stay on?'

It was just a stylized triangle of cloth. There was no strap or string which tightened around the waist of the lamia to keep it on.

He wouldn't be given the chance, nor did he want one, to question it deeply as Miia approached him holding up two different bras. A black one and a white one.

"Hey Darling? Which one looks better to you?"

Studying for not but half a second, Archer made up his mind.

"The white one." To be honest, the trick wasn't to tell the truth, but rather say the exact opposite from the one that you like. Why? Because he found that women tend to always pick whichever one you didn't choose.

Though in the back of his mind, he was just urging her to take home both. That way the shopping process went faster. And it wasn't like he was paying for any of this so it didn't matter how much she bought as long as she did it quickly.

"Really? I don't know. I think black might suit me better."

She then did something unexpected.

"But then again, I don't wear a bra so I wouldn't know," she said while pulling down the neckline of her shirt.

Exposing to him that she, indeed, did not wear a bra. Acting quickly, he stepped up to her and yanked her shirt back into its proper position, sufficiently covering her exposed tits.

"Darling …?"

"Are you an idiot? I realise that you've never had much decency but at least you should know not to expose yourself in public."

"Are you protecting me Darling?! Like a lover would?!"

"... like any sensible person would."

Ignoring his last rebuttal, she seemed immensely satisfied with his protective behavior. Though it took him a while to convince her not to drag him into the changing rooms with her, as that would probably get them kicked out, it was an overall painless experience. He was sufficiently surprised to find that Miia was quick about her shopping.

Walking out of the store, their pleasant stroll was interrupted by a particularly tacky looking couple whose eyes glinted with hostile intent and disgust upon seeing them.

"Holy shit! What the hell is that thing?!"

"Ugh! A giant snake! That's just gross."

Miia, without almost no hesitation, turned her head angrily and whipped her tail at full speed towards them.

Archer, having read her body language and predicted she would do this, stepped in front and caught her tail with a single hand. If anyone in this situation was thinking straight, they would have been incredibly impressed that he managed this feat, but alas, no one did.

"Miia, you can't go around beating up pathetic nobodies just because they can't prevent their gums from yapping meaningless bullshit at you."

"What was that, asshole?!"

He ignored the man's words. They were naught but the insignificant drivel of a rat-like human being. However, he could tell the couple's words deeply affected Miia. He was not unaware of her own insecurities. Having one of her greatest fears about human splay out in front of her must be disheartening even with his presence there. The situation was made even worse by the spectating crowd, all of which were far too eager to get a picture of her without her permission.

"So that's a demi-human."

"I've never seen a real one before."

"I've spotted a lamia!"

"And who is he, her boyfriend?"

"Hey, isn't she pretty hot?"

Ah, the adoring public. More like vultures ready to humiliate a young girl with their hostiless, pure intentions, unaware of the emotional damage they were causing.

"Darling … can we go somewhere private."

"Of course."

He plotted a course on his mental map of the city to the nearest establishment that could offer them privacy. However, the nearest establishment was …

'Don't tell me …'

Standing outside the building he had led them to, his suspicions were proven correct.

'You've got to be fucking kidding me.'

'Hotel loveless' the building was called. Miia didn't seem to phased by what was in front of them, as she was unaware of what the establishment was. However, Archer wanted to bang his head against a wall.

'I ended up at a love hotel.'

After renting a room, once again charging it to the exchange program with no small amount of amusement, he was now sitting down on the bed provided for them waiting for Miia to exit the shower.

Now, was it the best idea to charge their stay to the program? No, because this expense could be tracked and used against him in a court of law. However, given that nothing would be happening during their stay, which could be proven by a multitude of evidence, he wasn't overly worried.

As he laid his head back on the bed, he pondered one simple question.

'What even is my life right now?'

It was too big of a departure from his usual existence. Normally, as a counter guardian, interactions with people were kept to a bare minimum to decrease risk of altering the desired result of his missions. And anyone he did interact with was usually a terrible human being or was involved in the fighting in some way.

Archer wasn't used to mundane interactions with mundane people like Miia. The closest thing in recent memory was his time contracted to Rin. But no way did she didn't count, for she was an exceptional badass mage who stood above most people in maturity and mental toughness despite her youth. If anyone had harassed her like they did Miia today, she would've turned into a vindictive she-devil, not a meek sweetheart clutching to his arm.

So after going on a date with a non-mystical lamia that he lives with in a world where non-mystical demi humans existed and being chased into a love hotel, he finally had the epiphany that maybe this world was out to mock him. Mock him for his self seriousness and mock him for his cynicism, because honestly, this situation needed to be laughed at in some regard.

Was he sent to this world because of Rin's wish? Her wish for him to be free and to like himself. He didn't think such a thing was possible, but was this the grail's attempt?

"Phew!" Miia exclaimed, exiting the bathroom in a robe. "The bath here is no match for the one at home, but it was still pretty nice."

He couldn't help but stare for a moment, looking at her how the robe was tightly worn against her wet, glistening skin, showing off her wondrous figure.

"So you're fine here for now?"

"Yeah it's pretty relaxing here. But this is a hotel right? I don't have anything for staying the night."

"Fine. We're just here for a quick respite. Not to stay overnight."

"Eh? But isn't that what hotels are for?"

"True, but like you said we don't have anything for spending the night, so we'll have to go home at some point. Besides, this isn't that kind of hotel."

"What kind of hotel is it?"

"I see your education about the real world didn't cover love hotels."

"Love hotels? How romantic! Darling, we're definitely staying here!"

'Ah, she definitely doesn't know.'

She began searching around the room, eventually finding a condom on the shelf behind the bed. When Archer explained to her what it was, she immediately blushed and put it down, though she did sneak glances at him afterwards, imagining him putting it on.

Calming down a little, he could still see she was troubled by what happened earlier. Though he contemplated comforting her, his empathy skills were always low so he hadn't a good idea about what to say. He was a man who let his actions do the talking so situations like this always stumped him.

As she sat shoulder to shoulder with him on the edge of the bed, he patiently waited for her to start talking on her own.

And then, she did.

"I guess humans really don't like us, huh? They're only being nice because the law tells them to."

"Maybe some."

"Are you like that too? Are you only being nice for the sake of not getting arrested?"

He knew she didn't actually think so. However, their conflict a couple days ago about him ignoring her advances had revealed to her one of the reasons for him doing so was also the law. Therefore, she was feeling anxious about that particular point.

"You know that's not tr-"

His eyes widened slightly as she removed her robe, exposing her figure for him to see. Although not the first time he had seen her naked, this was the first time she had deliberately stripped bare in such a manner. Her blush was heavy, and her body looked gentle and nervous.

"Look Darling," she said, wrapping her tail around his shoulders. As she leaned back onto the bed, she used her tail to pull him on top of her, and he couldn't help but take in the sight.

"I'm not scared, okay? I'm completely defenseless. If you were to hurt me, I wouldn't do anything. We're alone. No one will know so the law can't hurt you. Are you still afraid of me, Darling?"

Her tearful, pleading eyes almost made him give in at that moment. He could feel his own restraints being lifted as he felt the need to embrace her. To comfort her.

'If only she knew just what I was afraid of.'

No, nothing in this situation made him fearful. His hesitation came from an understanding that he wasn't normal. That he was barely a person anymore, and that if anyone were to fall in love with him, he would likely hurt them by disappearing some day. Even Rin had cried when he disappeared, wishing for his own salvation. He didn't want to burden another with that pain like he did her.

Emiya Shirou, always a burden to others.

He hated him.

He hated himself so much, and yet in the span of six months, he had made two women cry out for him with tears in their eyes. Different reasons maybe, but somehow his worthless self managed to receive such a thing.

Why didn't they understand that he wasn't worth it?

Why didn't they understand that he would only cause them pain?

Every person that he ever knew, he ended up abandoning and hurting because of his own selfishness. Even if he no longer held the goals and ideals which originally drove him to do so, the core characteristic of Emiya Shirou did not change.

He should never have existed.

Archer wasn't scared. He just knew how it ended. And not to take a page out of Gilgamesh's philosophy, but when you already know the ending, why bother?

However, his thoughts were continually countered by Rin's singular wish.

"I'm sure I can get him to like himself, so you should do the same."

Was it really possible? Was he even allowed? No one had ever told him to like himself. They always told him to take care of himself. Was there a difference? Yes. To care about oneself means for one to ensure their own safety and wellbeing, something which he was poor at. But to like oneself was to accept who you are. Could he do that?

No! He tried to kill his past self because he couldn't do that! It was impossible for Emiya Shirou to like Emiya Shirou.

But you're not Emiya Shirou anymore.

True. He gave up that identity.

You gave up those troublesome ideals too.

He did.

I told you to like yourself, but then why are you still trying to like my idiotic boyfriend.

Why was he doing that?

Hadn't he given up that identity?

Then why?

Because Emiya Shirou was and still is someone living in the past, constantly trying to prevent tragedies like the fire of his first memory. After all, it was what a hero would do.

'Fuck. I really am a hypocrite, aren't I'

Yes you are. The biggest dumbass I've ever met.

'No arguments there.'

Good. Cause I wouldn't have heard them anyways. Now what will you do?

'... move forward I guess. Try to change like how you said.'

How though? Specifically.

'I … guess I should start with the girl in front of me, huh?'

Very good. Almost like you have a brain under all those swords and muscles.

'I wouldn't count on it just yet.'

Shirou … no … Archer, as your master I order you to like yourself.

'As you wish, Rin.'

An interaction which couldn't have taken place anywhere but his own imagination, but yet felt so real.

'Maybe I just knew all of this all along and my subconscious spurred me with her voice.'

Turning his attention back to the girl still lying under him, Archer couldn't help but smile and let out a light chuckle.

"Darling …?"

"Sorry about that. I just realised how big of an idiot I've been."

She tilted her head to the side in a confused manner, and with the tears still in her eyes, she looked exceptionally adorable.

"Miia … I …"

But their heart to heart was never to be concluded here.

Boom!

The wall of their hotel room was blasted inwards. He immediately went into threat analysis mode, jumping off of Miia and standing in front of her with his hands at his sides, ready to trace his weapons to defend her.

Luckily, the only people coming through the hole were dressed in swat gear - for what reason exactly? - signalling to him that they were police of some kind. Structural analysis revealed a familiar figure at the front of the pack.

"This is the cultural exchange security squad! According to our information, a human male has dragged a female lamia here for lewd purposes! As the laws about cultural exchange between species make it clear …!"

But she cut herself off, recognizing him almost as fast as he did her.

"Ara~ If it isn't our little Darling-kun. What's up?"

"Smith. The one time I see you doing your job, you're irresponsibly busting through hotel walls like a maniac."

"A necessary precaution."

"I doubt it. Anyways, I assume you tracked me through my billing of the program?"

"Eh? You did? That was irresponsible of you."

"I don't want to hear anything about irresponsibility coming out of your mouth! And if that's not how you tracked me …"

"Don't underestimate our info gathering abilities. Though, in reality this time we just used twitter. But you tried to hide from our prying eyes, and now we have a ruined hotel room. Congratulations."

He began following Smith out of the hole in the wall, expecting Miia to follow. However, she did not.

"Darling …"

He turned around to face her.

"About your answer …"

"Later. I assume we both have something to get off our chests right?"

Miia's smile brightened after this, prompting her to finally follow him out of the room, hastily putting her clothes back on despite not being completely dry.

"How about I give you two a ride?"

"Ah yes. Thank you, Smith-san." Miia said to her while bowing slightly.

Entering the lobby of the building, they came across the same pretentious, xenophobic couple that caused their trouble from earlier.

"Ah, it's the snake girl!"

"Ewww! Not again!"

"She's at a love hotel?! Does that thing even have a pussy to begin with?!"

Miia's face was growing darker and more hostile with every word, and he knew she was but five seconds away from exploding. Smith tried to tell them off, but it had zero effect. Archer sighed, realising he would need to do something.

'Guess my newfound resolve is already being tested.'

He turned towards Miia, grabbing her by the shoulder and pulling her closer. Her eyes widened slightly at the sudden act, the strong comforting feel on his arm across her back dispelled most of her anger. And then she blushed heavily when he bent down and whispered his baritone voice into her ear.

"If you want proof that I don't care much for the law, I'll give it to you, so stay put and watch."

Her body shivered at his words as her heart rate spiked with excitement.

He released her from his grip and turned his head to Smith.

"That lawyer of your's is good, right?"

"Huh?" Smith looked at him confusedly. "Oh yeah-"

"Then settle this for me. I'll owe you a favor."

The two watched him in silence and he walked up to the ugly couple which had not only caused his day to spiral out of control but had pushed Miia to emotional desperation. He was a bit pissed.

"You're the lover of that thing, right? The fuck do you want?"

Archer nearly laughed at how stereotypically shitty this guy was. He felt like he was talking to Shinji all over again.

"If your life is so vapid that you spend your days tormenting young girls then you should have the time to back up your words with your fists."

"Huh? You picking a fight with me?!" the man square up, preparing for a fight. "I'll kick your-!"

He didn't wait for the man to finish speaking before he threw a lightning fast punch into the man's jaw, breaking it in its entirety. He was knocked out before he hit the ground. However, Archer never let his body fall, and instead pushed the man at his girlfriend, leaving it up to her to catch his limp figure. Speed at which his body hit her chest caused her to topple over hard, feeling like she was just rammed by a truck. With him knocked out and her heaving on the ground with the air knocked out of her, he calmly walked back to Miia, who was staring at him with sparkling eyes.

"I hope you believe me now."

Arguably a stupid thing to do, as he could think of a few different, more intelligent ways of solving the issue, but Miia seemed to love it. Her face was flushed and her breathing was heavy. She couldn't contain her desiring gaze. In fact, she seemed like she might attack and ravish him where he stood.

Hell, even Smith cackled evilly off to the side in amusement at what he had done.

'This feels like a mistake, but I hope this is a step in the right direction towards your wish, Rin.'

Having arrived back home, he and Smith were having a discussion about how to proceed. However, he quickly discovered that he needn't deal with any legal procedures as a result of his actions.

"No need to worry. We'll speak to them and settle things in court. And if we can't, well, I might have to get serious. Fufufufufu."

As an evil laughter emanated from her mouth, and an evil aura emanated from the rest of her body. She looked like some two bit villain plotting a scheme. Archer couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. Despite that they didn't get along, she seemed more than ready to go the extra mile to help them. Heartwarming to some, but it made him a bit suspicious.

'That and I owe her a favor.'

Archer might end up regretting that.

"Best of luck to you. I have to get back to deal with all the paperwork this incident has caused."

"Understood. I appreciate your efforts."

"Yes, well you better believe I'll cash in on that favor."

"Ugh …" the fact that she was already reminding him of it was not a good sign.

As Smith left the room, Miia entered behind her, shyly approaching the door with a submissive slump to her shoulders.

"Miia?"

She hugged the doorframe, as if afraid to enter.

"Um Darling…"

"Come in. I won't have a serious discussion with you hiding like that."

She nodded and slithered in, eventually sitting down in the same spot Smith was previously. He could see her fidgeting as he kept his eyes trained on her.

"Why did you … fight those people?" she eventually asked. "Not that I wasn't happy! I was just surprised. You seem to care a lot about avoiding trouble."

"True, however, as I said I punched them to show you I don't care about the law much. And more importantly, that you don't scare me."

Her eyes widened in understanding, but then narrowed as she couldn't contain her smile.

"You probably want to know what changed."

She nodded her head enthusiastically.

"I realised I was being a hypocrite. Now I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but it pertains to some past issues of mine which I don't want to talk about. It appears they had been holding me back more than I thought."

"I … okay. You're right, I don't understand. Sorry."

"That's fine."

"No, it's not. I want to know everything about you darling!"

"Unfortunately I don't really want you to because I myself want to move on from who I was. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Then, I'll leave it at that. From now on I won't be so uptight, and if you still feel the same way about me I'll accept your advances as best as I can. Though I do warn you I can be a bit of an asshole. I'm stubborn, dense, and generally a terrible person, so don't expect too much from me."

"Don't say that!"

He stared at her, a bit startled at the anguish in her tone. He had expected her to deny his self loathing but never with such fervor.

"It hurts when you say things like that! When you put yourself down! I've seen it repeatedly while I've been here. You don't care about yourself, so I thought that I might as well make you care about me instead. That's why I've been trying even harder the last few weeks."

This confession surprised him greatly. Though thinking back on his past, women were always able to see through him much faster than he expected.

"Man, I never thought you'd figure me out so quickly."

"I'm always watching you Darling! And it hurts every time you accept that you don't matter."

"It's strange though. Why do you like me so much if you can see my flaws so plainly?"

"I don't just like you Darling. I love you."

He stared blankly at her as she moved from the chair she was sitting in over to the couch next to him. And without giving him time to react, she locked her lips with his own. It was a sloppy kiss, rife with inexperienced, but with enough passion to make up for it.

Breaking away, her eyes glistening as she looked at his face, she locked her fingers with his own.

"When I first came here, I was so incredibly nervous that I thought I'd break down. I had already experienced the hate most humans feel for me, and I didn't think I could bear it if my host looked at me with that … look. That super rotten one that's hard to describe. Like the people today."

He nodded to her, knowing that look she was describing all too well.

"But you didn't. You weren't afraid. You didn't hate me, and you've treated me better than anyone else ever has! Your ability to tease me and make me feel at ease, no, at home in a place I'd never been to … it was magical. Such compassion from a human was completely new for me. It was like I was in a fantasy, a dream which I didn't want to make up from. And every day with you made me fall for you more and more."

The longing in her eyes reached an apex. She pushed Archer down onto the couch and straddled him.

"As I said at the hotel, I don't mind what my Darling does to me. I don't mind if you 'hurt' me."

She began unzipping his pants with her tail while lifting up her own shirt to expose her breasts.

"And you know, I don't mind losing my virginity to you. I love you Darling! I love you!"

She leaned down and locked lips with him once more, this time even more aggressively than before. With the both of them in a half-way state of undress, exchanging long kisses and caressing each other, Archer figured that they would go all the way.

He wasn't concerned about the law for it wasn't a big obstacle.

He had largely gotten over his discomfort with the idea about being with a demi-human, largely through Miia's efforts.

And lastly …

If he was going to try to like himself, then he should live for himself as well. Do the opposite of Emiya Shirou. To that end, he would deepen his relationship with Miia. Even if Alaya were to whisk him away one day, he would try to create as many memories with her as possible. Although his selfishness might end up hurting her one day, hopefully their time together would make up for that. To care for someone while potentially setting them up for heartbreak was as selfish and hypocritical a thing he could possibly do, and was something Emiya Shirou, the fully formed counter guardian Emiya Shirou, would have despised.

Resolving himself, Archer proceeded to say fuck it and began thinking about where he placed those condoms he bought just in case a few months ago. A man could never be too prepared.

However it wasn't to be…

"Oh by the way Darling-kun, what's for dinner?" Smith reentered the room.

Miia quickly pushed herself off of him, her flushed face turned embarrassed and angry.

"Wh-what are you doing, Smith-san!"

"Eh? I was getting hungry so I figured you guys would treat me before I went back."

"Don't decide that on your own!" Archer yelled, a little mad with himself that he didn't notice she hadn't left the bounded field yet.

"Man! Dealing with this paperwork is going to be a paaaaain! All for you two!"

"Ugh," his guilt and gratefulness towards her won out. "We're having curry tonight if you want some."

"How generous."

"And when we finally had a good mood going!" Miia whined to the heavens. Archer, seeing her cute reaction, slipped behind her and whispered in her ear the same way he did at the hotel.

"If you're so desperate, we can continue this tonight."

Her perky blushed face twirling around to look at him was all he needed to know she was thrilled about the notion. He chuckled to himself.

'Good grief. It would seem this monster girl has pierced my heart a bit deeper than I thought.'

Omake:

"Oh by the way Miia, you forgot this at the hotel," Smith said, holding up a triangle shaped piece of cloth that Archer remembered from the lingerie shop.

"Ahh!" Miia exclaimed.

'So she does wear those. Once again, how do they stay on?'

He still wasn't sure if he was curious enough to investigate.

Author note:

Sike! If any of you were hoping for smut, you won't find it here. Writing smut is cringe. I tried it once just to see and it was awkward even when knowing no one else would read it.

Had to leave the 'Ara' in there. In conveys a feeling and message which isn't properly translatable into english. Any time I write something like idiot or dumbass, I'm thinking 'kono baka!' or 'Aho!' and when I put 'good grief' I'm actually thinking 'yare yare' but it feels a bit cringe to use japanese words in my writing. I draw the line at the use of suffixes like -kun.