She had experienced a lot of hardship in her daily life as a sport enthusiast, from broken legs, sprained ankle, fractured ribs, and all kind of other minor injury that she had gotten at least once or admittedly more than twice during one of her excessive training or while she was playing on the field, putting her own safety to gain her the victory that she had always put up as her priority. It was excruciatingly painful and exhausting for her body, but it was worth it everytimes she heard the cheers coming from her fan, her team and most importantly her family watching her put her heart out on the field.
The sensation of blood rushing through her veins and the fast beating of her heart threatening to break out from her chest, warming her entire body as if she was engulfed by the growing flame of their powerful cheers. It was addicting, almost like she was born only for that moment alone, to be showered by their praises when she finally brought another victory for their team and showing that their hard training was not only for nothing. She could almost say that it was the happiest moment in her life... but it wasn't. It was barely there to begin with.
There were times where she would be left alone with her thought, when she don't want to be seen or talk to anyone, and it wasn't exactly nice to say the least. With every victory, there will also be time when she will be at the bottom. No matter how hard she tried, how much she wanted to win, it seemed like her victory was getting further away and out of her reach, like it was giving her the sliver touch of hope in her grasp only to crush it infront of her without any hint of mercy. it was painful, it was devastating, and it was undeniably disappointing. She knew it was a part of the game, that there will only be two sides left after the end of it, the winning and the losing side, but she never felt satisfied with getting the latter as the result.
That was the point after all... right? Why would someone work hard on something only to feel satisfied when they failed on it. No, they should've work harder instead, only by doing so they will achieve what they really wanted. You only lose when you decided to give up, and she refused to believe that she actually lose without giving it her all. But, what if even her all wasn't enough, what if that was the end of her limitation, that there are no longer improvement left for her to be made. Can she actually believe that she has truly lose?
She was scared, afraid that she no longer knew who she was and because of that she did something that she regretted every single day. She don't want to be the vulnerable girl that she used to be, she wanted to forget that ugly part of herself, hoping that it would disappear from existence for how pointless it was. But it was easier said than done.
Lincoln has always been there for her when she was alone with her thought. Even when she shouted at him to go away, threatened to hurt him if he get closer, insulted him, he still stayed by her side, something that he don't need to do, especially for someone as ungrateful as her. It was painful, how much he cares about her well being when she barely treated him in the same way, like a real sister supposed to. It was unfair for her to receive such kindness from him only for her to do nothing to repay it with, only hurting him more because of her own fear. She was scared to be vulnerable, if she wasn't strong enough then how can she prove to herself that she was no longer the same person that she used to be. The horrible sister that she avoided to become, she don't need her, she was strong enough to keep her away from lingering and whispering soft words and promises into her mind. After all it was nothing more than empty words and hopeful dreams. She can never go any further than that, and pushing it away would be the better option rather than listening to those foolish thought of hers. If only she knew where it would bring her back...
She never stop hating herself, no matter how hard she tried pushing the thought away it will always come back to her mind. It shouldn't be like this, she kept telling herself that it would disappear with time but it didn't, instead it grew stronger much to her fear. She was desperate to get rid of the thought, afraid that if she let the feeling fester much longer it would bring her back to the weak girl she used to be. No matter how strong she had gotten, it still wasn't enough to keep that cursed feeling of hers from coming out. It will only hurt her in the end and she knew she will never survive from something like that, there is no way she will be able to get back up after going through such despair. The reason why she wanted to be strong in the first place, no that wasn't right, the only way she could distract herself from letting her feeling from destroying her entirely.
The only one that can make her stronger was also the one that was hurting her, how ironic. To get away from those hurtful feeling, she used them to be stronger so she would be ready to face them or at least keep them at bay long enough. If only it was as easy as that, but she was foolish, it has always been like that for her. Because of her stupidity also she made a mistake, she didn't take how much his presence has become an important part of her life, not only as her brother but also as something else. Something that her old self had always been dreaming of.
It was impossible, she knew that already, and now she was certain that nothing can change that. Why would he ever see her as anything like that after all that she had done to him, she barely treated him like her own brother, much less the person that as much as she hated herself for admitting it, someone that she couldn't help but love with all of her heart. Pathetic, she knew that already. She used to scold herself so much before for having this kind of feeling for him. She was mad not at him but mostly at herself for being so weak and delusional.
When she was much younger, Lincoln was the only one who would always put up with her rough behaviour. After her older sisters learned that she have nothing in common with them, they avoided from taking part in her training and playing sports with her since they don't want to get injured. Even when they joined her, it was mostly out of pity than they actually wanting to be there. They didn't even make an effort to show that they're interested in what she was doing, only keeping her company for awhile and giving up when they had enough. It was frustrating with no one that can actually give her a challenge. How can she improve herself if she don't know what she was lacking to begin with.
She would've like to join other kids her age to play sports with them but they were much more worse than her sisters. They didn't even allow her to join them and going as far as to mocking her for thinking that she was anywhere near as good as them. Needless to say one of the kid left crying for his mom with a black eye. She was scolded by mom after that but she never regretted hitting the kid, there is no reason for her to feel guilty about anything since he was the one asking for it in the first place. Since that incident, she gained quite a reputation that made the other kids afraid of her, which only worsen her situation.
When she thought of giving up on her passion and trying a different thing, Lincoln was there to cheer her up. Unlike their sisters, he actually enjoyed playing sports and spending time with her when she asked him to. Even if Lincoln wasn't as athletic as her, he still managed to outsmart her with his own thinking skill. While she was mostly depending on her stamina and strength, he used his quick thinking and accuracy which was quite surprising coming from him at that age. Since she was older than him, it was understandable that she had quite an advantage over her brother when they're competing against each other but he never give up. Instead he learned from his mistake and trained harder with her to make himself better. She was beginning to think that he can actually be a good partner she can train and play with, but unfortunately it didn't last that long.
She had gotten serious against Lincoln one day since he had proved himself to be quite a challenge to her, reading all of her moves and countering them with his own, and it didn't exactly end well for him. It wasn't anything too serious but it was enough to keep him bedridden for a few days and resulted in a week of grounding for her. When she apologized for being too rough with him, he said something that will always be stuck in her head forever. It was only supposed to be a nice gesture from him to assure that he didn't blame her, but the way he said it awakened something inside her that she never knew existed. Something that instantly changed her life with a skip of her heartbeat.
Since then, she knew what she wanted the most in her life and how impossible it was for her to achieve. It was foolish of her to keep thinking about it but she couldn't help the thought from constantly lingering in her head. And she can't stop blaming herself for it either. Everything didn't make sense to her, especially her feeling towards her brother. There are no simple explanation that could show what she was actually feeling towards him, she just knew it like it has always been there inside her, only waiting for the right moment to come out. She hated it, she hated how weak she felt because of him, she hated that no matter how hard she wanted it to be real, it will never be. She hated how sad she was every night for dreaming for something so impossible. It was pathetic.
She don't know why it would be any different now, if she was so hopeless before then why would she think it would change in the present. After all she was still the same weak girl that she used to be, only worse with how selfish she was by hurting him just because she was afraid to face her own feeling. He didn't do anything wrong to her, he was just trying to be the nice and kind brother he had always been for them. And she barely cared about his feeling by pushing him further from her mind. Why did she think it would be different now with jock Linc by her side, why does his presence was making her feel like this?
Did she love her, what does he meant by that, why did he suddenly asked this from her?
Even if she knew the answer its not like she can actually say it. She was scared, the most important part of her life was being put on line here and the risk was just too much for her to take. But, even with all of that holding her back she can't stop herself from letting her thought out for him.
"What's the matter with you jock Linc, don't get me wrong but this is just so sudden?" Lynn nervously asked, her eyes averted from looking directly at him.
"I'm just wondering you know, you've been acting really weird lately, not only since the explosion that happened yesterday but even before that, to be honest I'm kind of worried that I did something wrong that might of upset you." He smiled, placing his hands behind his back. "After everything that happened I really don't want to see you being upset because of something that I did." He added.
"Is this because of what I said to you yesterday, if it was I want you to know that I didn't really mean it, I just..." She paused, considering her next words properly. "Look jock Linc, no matter what I said to you I will never stop loving you as your sister." She said with a hint of guilt in her voice, even if she is his sister that doesn't mean she can treat him like that, he deserved better than someone like her.
"I know that Lynn, I've always known that." He responded. "But there is something else that I wanted to know for so long now..." He continued.
"What is it then?" She inquired, looking at him from the corner of her eyes.
"If I love you more than a brother should be, would you still love me after knowing that?" Jock Linc suddenly asked, startling his older sister.
Halting her step, Lynn tightened her fists by her sides and lowered her gaze to the cracked concrete of the sideways beneath her. The sound of her rapid heartbeat pounding against her chest lingered in her ears, making her more aware of how quiet her surrounding was. "I hate you." She unconsciously muttered through gritted teeth as jock Linc stopped walking and turned around to look at her. "Stop doing this to me, I don't want this, I never asked for any of these." She whispered.
Lynn closed her eyes shut tightly and clenched her teeth, preventing the tears threatening to escape from the corner of her eyes. Her heart throbbed painfully as her body suddenly gripped by fear, stealing the air from her already constricted lungs. "Do you think this is funny?" She choked out, her right hand clutching her chest. "Do you like playing with me like this?" She asked in desperation.
"What do you want me to say? That I deserved your love, that I'm lucky to have you as my brother, just please stop hurting me. Do you know how long I've been hating myself for having this feeling, don't give me hope if you're only going to disappoint me, I'm tired of living like this." She confessed. "I'm not strong enough, I... I don't want to lose you." She said as tears began rolling down her freckled cheek.
It was quiet for awhile before Lynn jumped a little in shock when jock Linc suddenly grabbed her left hand and quickened their paces until they're out of the street and into a dark alleyway. Hidden from the people passing by, he pushed Lynn against the wall and pinned both of her wrists by each sides of her head, restricting her movement. She tried escaping from his grasp since she was much stronger than him only to fail after she realized that he wasn't the same brother that she knew, or at least not that she know of with how much secret he had kept from her. She lowered her head in defeat, another reason to hate herself more.
"I never thought I will ever see a day where the strong Lynn Loud that I knew would shed a tear, I guess we're not that different after all." Jock Linc softly whispered, his white hair covering his forehead as his eyes obscured under the shadow casted over them. "You're not the only one hurting Lynn." He confessed, bringing his face closer to hers.
Lynn's eyes widened when she realized how close they were that she could almost feel his warm breath grazing her skin from his slightly parted lips. "Linc stop! What are you doing!?" She raised her voice, now struggling harder to move from his grasp. Her cheek reddened and her heartbeat sped up against her aching chest.
"I'm going to kiss you." He simply answered as his hands tightening his clutches on both of her wrists. She winced slightly at his strength but still didn't give up on escaping from his firm grasp, even if it was pointless. Why is she struggling so much right now, isn't this what she wanted?
"Are you crazy, let me go now!" She shouted, her voice filled with panic. Not receiving a respond from him, Lynn closed her eyes shut tightly and waited for his lips to meet hers. She was scared, there is no way for them to go back after they crossed this line. Would she be ready for it, she don't know, she hoped she does but with so little time to think about anything, she was left only under his mercy.
When she felt his soft lips pressed against his freckled cheek, her heart skipped a beat before she opened her eyes and stared at him in confusion. Her face flushed red in embarrassment to see his smiling face looking back at her.
"I love you Lynn, I won't kiss you if you don't want me to." He released her wrists and took a step back. "I know how you feel, how much you hated yourself for having this feeling." He pressed his palm against his chest. "Because I also felt the same as you." He confessed with a soft smile plastered on his face. Lynn was left speechless at the revelation, what can she actually say at this moment, everything was happening too fast that she was having a hard time to register what he was saying. But, if there is anything that she understand from all of this, it was those beautiful three words that came out from his mouth. The sentence repeatedly appearing in her head like the calm beat of her heart.
"You don't need to worry Lynn, if there is no one that would want to play with you than I will become strong enough so you will never be alone." Jock Linc reminded her, wearing the same smile that he used all those years ago when he got hurt because of her. Lynn's heart warmed at the memory of her younger self resurfacing in her mind, how much fun they had when they used to spend time together. The burden of her worries and fears slowly being lifted from her shoulder as relief washed over her body.
"Lynn why are you crying, did I say something wrong?" He caressed her cheek in his right palm, gently wiping her tears away with his thumb. "I'm sorry if this is too much for you to take, I don't know why but I feel like I can do anything right now and there is nothing that I wanted more than for you to know how much I love you." He said with genuine guilt in his voice.
"You jerk..." She muttered in a low voice. Narrowing her eyes into a glare, Lynn grabbed him by the collar of his jersey and brought their faces closer together until her soft lips pressed against his. Caught by surprise, jock Linc slightly jumped in shock with his eyes wide open before slowly closing them and returned her kiss, cupping her freckled cheeks in both of his hands. Her heart skipped a beat when she felt his soft tounge poking and tasting her lips as her body heated up at the growing warmth in her neither regions. She was still a little bit sweaty from her running earlier but he doesn't seem to care about that, pressing his body closer against her sticky skin and deepening their kiss as if he was taking all of her. Which she couldn't help but notice as her legs began trembling beneath her.
Jock Linc slowly backed away from her lips, finally letting her catch her breath after their kiss. Her cheeks were bright red and her hazy brown eyes were staring at him with puff of warm air escaping from her slightly parted lips everytime she exhales. "I love you... Lincoln." She confessed.
Smiling softly, jock Linc brushed her pink lips with his thumb and went again for another kiss. "I love you too Lynn." He closed his eyes and planted a soft kiss against her waiting lips, savouring her taste and the sound of her heartbeat close against his chest. They stayed in that alleyway much longer than they thought they would, exchanging kisses after kisses as if they're replacing all those hurtful moment in their life with the new vigorous sensation searing throughout their bodies, making them more alive with a new hope to look up to.
Unbeknown to them a familiar white haired figure dressed in a black shirt was watching them from afar, frowning deeply at the unpleasant scene playing before him. They're too caught up with each other as neither were the wise of his presence looking at their direction with a cold and hateful glare from the other side of the street. Seeing enough already, he gritted his teeth, shoved his hands into his jeans pocket and walked away from staying there much longer. He could feel his heart pounding painfully against his chest as if it was trying to get out from its prison, and he would be more than glad to rip it out if he could stop feeling like this. Taking in a deep breath, he closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, preventing his emotion from clouding his mind. All of this will be over soon, he just need to remember that and keep calm until smart Linc figured out a way to fix this. It was only for temporary after all, if they really think this would change anything, then let them be. He had enough of these lies already. If the truth is what they really wanted then he will give it to them. They will eventually know it sooner or later, might as well get it done before more people get hurt from this situation.
"Hey, you're Luna's brother right?" A male voice spoke to him. Turning his head to the side, he was met with a familiar figure standing infront a cafe with crossed red roses light hanging over the one story building. He raised a brow at the sudden nuisance before returning to his walk only for the man to stop him again.
"Don't you remember me? Your sister and her band used to perform here once before and I'm pretty sure you're also there cheering for them." The black haired man said.
Sighing in defeat, goth Linc turned his body to the owner of the cafe's direction with a disinterest look on his face. "Yes, I know Luna, may I go now?" He monotonely asked, he already had so much stuff to think about in his head, he would really prefer it if he can just get back home right now, especially after what he just saw earlier. He would rather face Lori than dealing with them.
"Jeez, what happened to you kid, you're really different than when we first met?" The man chuckled, though it didn't last long when he realized the cold glare coming from the white haired boy.
"If you're done wasting my time, I'm going to leave now." Goth Linc almost walked away when he was stopped yet again much to his annoyance.
"Wait, I actually have a favor I want to ask from you if isn't too much trouble, can you still play like before?" He asked with a hint of hope in his voice.
"Even if I can why would I need to listen to you, as far as I can remember I didn't owe you anything." Goth Linc replied, crossing his arms over his chest. The older man winced slightly at his harsh response but still stayed calm since he was desperately in need of his assistance from what he could remember of his ability. He wasn't sure if the boy was still the same boy that he knew before but it was at least worth trying. Even though he was such an ass, he have something that he needed the most at the moment.
"You're right, you've no reason to help me." He sighed. "Listen kid I'm going to be honest with you, the band that was supposed to put up a show today got delayed for unfortunate reason, I was wondering if you could put something up until they get here. I will even pay you if you're willing to." The older man reasoned. He was hoping at the mention of cash the boy would be more relenting to help him but his response wasn't what he expected to receive.
"Sorry, I'm not interested." Goth Linc said without hesitation.
"Seriously, after all of that you still refused to help me, is there even a reason why you don't want to help me?" The older man asked, slightly mad at the boy for his cold demeanor. What the hell happened to this kid?
"Easy, I have no reason to." Goth Linc simply answered. If he was mad before, now he was furious at the boy for being so disrespectful to him. He is only a kid and he already pushed so many buttons that would make other people easily angry for a good reason. But even with all of that he still couldn't help but feel uneasy with the sharp glare coming from the white haired boy. It was as if a single wrong move could lead him into a disaster that would bring him down like a strike of lightning. This would be his first time feeling this kind of animosity coming from someone so young, above everything else he just felt pity for the white haired boy to end up like this.
"Is there really nothing that I can give you that would make you feel like helping me?" The older man pinched the bridge of his nose in exhaustion, already deciding on giving up if the boy still refused to accept his offer. He was going way out of his comfort zone right now just because of this to make sure that his customers wouldn't raise any unnecessary scene regarding his cafe reputation. Who knows what teenagers this day would do with their modern devices and platforms.
Goth Linc opened his mouth to repeat the same answer in his mind only to close it shut when he saw a familiar pale black haired girl entering the cafe. Realizing who the girl was, he contemplated the options in his head, planning everything out and spreading the calculated situation in a span of a minute before smirking deviously at the older man still waiting for his answer. The owner of the cafe couldn't help but shivered at the unsettling grin plastered on his face as if it was an unusual look for someone like him.
"On second thought, I might be able to help you after all." Goth Linc said, surprising the older man. "If we're really going to do this, you're going to grant me a favor and do this my way, if you can't agree with this condition just forget this ever happened." He held his right hand out towards him, grinning like a demon tricking a simple peasant with his manipulative and dangerous deal for his own amusement.
"Please don't make me regret this." The older man sighed in defeat before shaking his hand, already worrying what he would ask from him later on.
"I assure you, everything will work perfectly fine." Goth Linc said as he opened the door and entered the cafe, soon followed by the spectacled man. "Besides, I also got some stuff I want to get out from my head."
A/N: I've nothing to say to defend myself with, not an excuse much less a lie, I just procrastinated until I felt like writing, which bring us to this.
It's a shame you know, I really like this story.