Just Breathe

As I was putting my belongings back into my locker before work, I felt the familiar strong arms I have grown to absolutely love over the past 6 months, wrap around me and caress my ever swelling belly. I could feel his warm breath at my ear as he started whispering in my ear, "I love you." Pressing my cheek to his lips, I smile. "Rafael…" Turning around so I could look into dark brown eyes, he takes my head in his hands and leans down to kiss me softly on the lips. No matter where we were, whether it was in the privacy of Rafael's pent house or right in the middle of the hotel restaurant, we could get lost in each other's kiss and forget everything that was going on around us. Kissing Rafael was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. Every time he kissed me I could literally feel my heart about to pound out of my chest. My head would get light headed and I would get weak at the knees. We have been dating for 6 months now and the effect his kiss had on me only grew stronger every day. It was then that we were interrupted by the sound of laughter getting closer to the locker room.

"So I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for tomorrow at 11. I know you have meetings all day, so I can just get my mom to take me to this one."

"No way. There is no meeting that is more important than being there for you and our child."

"Are you sure? It's ok…"

"Jane, stop. I'll be there."

"Ok, thank you"

I always felt terrible when Rafael would put me before his work, but he would never miss an appointment and would never let me argue with him about it. He missed one appointment due to a meeting about 5 months ago and he vowed to me it would never happen again.

At that moment Lina walked in.

"Oh sorry guys, but Jane we're getting really busy out there. Can you clock in early to help out?"

"Oh sure Lina, I'll be out there in one sec."

As much as I loved my job I knew that I couldn't wait tables much longer. I was well into my third trimester and it took every bit of energy out of me to work my shifts at the Marbella, not to mention having to work at the Catholic high school to finish up my teaching degree. Rafael has suggested numerous times for me to quit my job so I can focus solely on myself and the baby, but I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to the job I have held for 4 years. All of my friends were there, the money was great, and of course if I quit, I wouldn't see Rafael as much. It killed me knowing that the last reason was a little ridiculous and I beat myself up about it every time I even thought about it. I was never one of those needy clingy girlfriends, but with Rafael it was different. I was different. I could spend every waking minute with Rafael, and it still wouldn't be enough.

"Well, I should go, customers aren't going to serve themselves."

Rafael put his hand on my stomach, like he did about 50 times a day, leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, Jane"

At that moment I felt the baby kick right where Rafael's hand was placed.

"I think he loves the sound of your voice and the touch of your hand"

With a small smile and a squeeze of his hand I looked at Rafael and said, "I love you", then I walked out of the locker room to begin what would end up being my last day at The Marbella.

"Luca, can you cover my tables for me for my break? I have been on my feet for the past 3 hours without being able to sit down."

"Of course, Jane. We don't need you popping that baby out right here in the middle of the dining room."

Lina-"Hey don't worry, Jane. We wouldn't let you have the baby in the middle of the dining room. We would take you into the locker room."

"Jeez thanks guys. It's really good to know that my friends really have my back."

"No problem!"

While walking towards the kitchen to put in my order to the cook I notice a small cramp running from the top of my stomach to my pelvis. I take a minute and sit down to let it pass. I remember reading about these pains on WebMD…ligament pains. Once I start to feel better, I get up and finish my walk towards the kitchen. Once I receive my food, I walk back towards the break room to take a seat right in front of the tv and turn it on so I can watch The Passions of Santos while I eat my dinner. This is typically what I did on my lunch break. Since I took my breaks a little earlier than others, I usually had my breaks to myself with very little interruptions.

As I walk back towards the dining room I notice that the pain I felt before has returned. I start to slow down and place my hand on the wall to keep me steady. My breathing starts to get harsh and fast. Lina walks by and asks me, "Jane, are you ok? You look very pale. Do you need me to call Rafael down here?"

"No, he's in a meeting and I really don't want to disturb him. I'm sure it's just another ligament pain and it will pass in just a minute."

"Well at least let me help you get to a chair so you can sit down until this passes."

Lina grabs my arm to help me walk over to the closest chair, but I scream out as another pain shoots through me. My knees buckle and I start to fall. Luckily Lina was already holding me or I would have collapsed on the floor. While sitting me up against the wall on the floor I hear Lina yell for Luca, "Luca! Luca! Call Rafael, its Jane. Tell him to hurry!" Everything that happened from then on was a big blur. Next thing I knew there was a crowd of people starting to gather while I heard the occasional, "Jane you're going to be ok. Rafael is on his way down." Before I knew it I heard him.

"Jane! Jane! Oh no baby what's wrong, what happened? Lina what happened?"

"I don't know she said she was having some ligament pain thing and then before I knew it she was screaming and falling to the floor."

"We have to get her to the hospital. Jane baby, you're going to be ok. Just breathe, you're going to be fine."

I screamed out again. The pain was back and it was back with a vengeance. I knew something was wrong and all I cared about was the baby. All I cared about was making sure the baby was ok. This was happening too soon. I was only 34 weeks along in my pregnancy, I couldn't be going into labor already. I started to cry when I started thinking about what could be happening to our unborn child. I couldn't lose this child. My child. Rafael's child. I started crying harder. I wasn't sure if I was crying because of the pain or because of the horrible thoughts that were forming in my head. All I knew was that I would never forgive myself if something had happened to our baby. Then I started thinking of all of the things I did wrong with this pregnancy. 1. I almost had an abortion 2. I worked way too much and too long 3. I stressed out way too much 4. I didn't take care of myself like I should have. Was this God's way of punishing me? Was this his way of getting me back for considering ending the pregnancy when I first found out back so many months ago? Was this his way of telling me that I have been selfish and I need to be taught a lesson? Ugh, I couldn't keep thinking this way. I needed to focus on my child. Once I finally started to focus on my breathing I heard the sound of the ambulance sirens starting to get closer and closer.

"Jane, they're here baby. You're going to be ok. Hang in there Jane, just breathe."