Chapter 5

~*~ 8 years ago ~*~

Harry's training had begun in earnest and he was exhausted. Severus was a hard task master, which was hardly news to him, but, to his surprise, the man was being oddly fair along with it. He wasn't allowing Harry to kill himself and he was taking time to properly educate Harry in the spells they were using, rather than simply throwing him in at the deep end and hoping he didn't drown.

They were focusing first on shield charms, the kind Harry had never come across before, and he was working to acquaint himself with both the theoretical and practical sides of the magic. Severus had given him access to the vast array of books he'd brought with him and Harry was doing his best to wrap his head around the difficult material.

"There seems to be a lot of debate around which shields are the most effective," he said, peering over the edge of his book at Severus, who was sitting in the armchair opposite.

"Indeed," Severus replied, his eyes on his own book.

"Well, what side of the debate do you fall on?" Harry asked.

Severus turned a page and said, "Much of what is written in those books was posited by people who have never seen battle. Those who argue you need a shield charm for every eventuality have clearly never had a curse coming towards them with only half a second to decide on the appropriate course of action. It's my belief that the five we've been focusing on will more than suffice."

"You've…you've had cause to use them often?"

Severus looked up at him and gave Harry a look that clearly said, What do you think?. "I guess I'm in good hands for training then," he said, then immediately hid behind his book so the man wouldn't see the blush on his cheeks.

I should just glue the bloody thing to my face, Harry thought, frustrated with himself. He was blushing on an almost hourly basis, often set off by the most innocuous things. That morning it had been Severus' feet that had done it and Harry was still reeling over how he'd reacted, or rather, how his body had reacted to seeing the man saunter into the kitchen with bare feet.

He'd been standing at the kitchen sink doing the washing up when he'd happened to glance down and see the long, bare appendages sticking out from under the man's black trousers. There wasn't anything particularly remarkable about them, per se, but it somehow made the man seem more human, confirming that more of the man existed beneath the layers of endless black fabric he swathed himself in.

"I might go and make some coffee. Do you want one?" he offered.

"Yes please," Severus replied. "Milk, no sugar."

"Huh, I always figured you'd take it black," Harry said, levering himself out of the chair.

"Why?" came the amused response.

Harry shrugged and said, "Don't know, just made sense to me. You seem like a black coffee and cigarettes kind of person, listening to obscure bands on vinyl and reading Vonnegut."

Severus gave him a withering look and said, "I am not a teen aesthetic, Potter."

Harry snorted and excused himself to the kitchen before dissolving into a fit of giggles. The man could be so bloody funny sometimes, even when he wasn't trying to be. He sorted them both their coffee and they continued to read in silence, Harry trying not to keep looking up and steal glances at Severus every five minutes.

He had finally immersed himself in his book sufficiently when the man broke through his concentration, saying, "Right, outside in five minutes."

Severus stood up and left the room, Harry trying not to gape after him. He shut his book and scrambled upstairs to change into comfortable clothing then made his way out to the front of the house to wait for Severus. This was not his first training session with the man and he took a few moments to prepare himself before they began.

Accustomed as he was to Severus' methods, Harry was on high alert and heard the front door open and shut, although there was no sign of the man. He gripped his wand tightly and widened his stance, preparing himself. He heard no curse but he saw a sudden burst of light then a jet of fire came his way.

He performed the wand movement Severus had taught him and shouted, "Clypeus!" as a shield sprang up in front of him. The fire hit it and raged against the blockade until it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

Severus came into view, dropping his cloaking charm, then immediately sending another curse his way. Harry couldn't tell what it was but instinct told him that he needed a shield that would protect him from all angles. He performed a complicated swirl with his wand and intoned, "Bulla!"

This shield was more difficult to maintain and his arms shook and ached with the exertion of it. He was determined to hold it, to prove to Severus that he was strong enough to withstand the onslaught. He wanted to prove, to himself and to Severus, that he had the magical competence to learn these new defensive tactics and that he had the staying power to cope with Severus' techniques.

It was similar, he felt, to learning how to cast a Patronus. The effort involved and the intensity of the magic he could feel coursing through him were the same but, he had to admit, he would take casting the silvery stag any day over throwing up the complicated charms he was being taught.

They carried on for an hour until Harry found himself standing with his hands on his knees, bent over double, and trying to catch his breath. His head was swimming and his muscles ached but he felt oddly exhilarated and enlivened.

"Time to call it a day, I think," Severus said, pocketing his wand as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

Harry shook his head and said with laboured breathing, "No, no I can go again."

"Pushing yourself into a stupor will be beneficial for no one," Severus said, his tone firm.

"But – "

"This is difficult, advanced magic and it will take you longer than a week to pick it up. You'll make no further progress today in this state."

Harry pushed his sweaty hair off his forehead and looked at Severus with a frown. "What?" the man asked defensively and Harry gave a slightly bewildered laugh.

"You," he said. "A year ago you'd have put me through hell, you'd have pushed me to breaking point and enjoyed doing it. What's changed?"

A slight tinge of colour appeared on the man's cheeks and he busied himself with rolling his sleeves back down. "Nothing's changed," he said with a sniff. "I've simply…re-evaluated my teaching techniques. You seem to need mollycoddling."

Harry snorted, not remotely offended by the man's words. "Sure I do."

Severus exhaled deeply and continued doing his best not to look Harry directly in the eye. "Things have changed," he said eventually. "I didn't realise how much my role as a spy had previously dictated…so much of my life."

"I'm sorry," Harry said quietly. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was only messing."

Severus shook his head and said, "You were right; a year ago I would have tortured you and taken pleasure in it. I…took a great deal of my own issues out on you and…it isn't something I'm proud of. You were a child…I was not."

Taken aback, but trying not to show it, Harry took a deep breath and said, "I'm not a child anymore. I know…I know I have a lot to learn but…I'd like it if you could come to see me as an equal."

Severus finally turned to meet his eyes and Harry braced himself for the sneering beratement that was sure to follow but it didn't come. Instead, the man inclined his head in the smallest of nods and said, "I already do."

Surprised beyond measure, Harry opened and closed his mouth before he said, "Oh. Well…that's um…that's good." He rubbed the back of his neck and felt a blush heat his cheeks as he said, "I should go and get a start on dinner. Um…thank you for today's session, sir."

He grabbed his jumper from the ground and began to head back towards the cottage, halted in his steps when he heard Severus say, "Harry?"

Shocked at hearing the man call him by his name, he turned around and the man said, "I haven't been your teacher for some time now. Would you consider using my name rather than addressing me as sir?"

Trying not to gape at the man, Harry nodded dumbly then turned and made his escape to the cottage.

He distracted himself with making dinner, not sure what exactly had passed between himself and the man but feeling as though something fundamental had shifted. Severus was different and Harry didn't know if it was down to the end of his spying career or if something else was at play.

The man was being….well, nice was the wrong word, but he had been unusually civil during their stay in the cottage and had been a genuinely good teacher in their training so far. Conversation wasn't necessarily easy between them but there were fewer awkward silences than he'd been anticipating. He couldn't really work the man out, not that he'd ever truly understood him, but he was now more of a puzzle than ever.

Of course, his own muddled feelings didn't help the issue. It had been several months since he'd come to reconcile himself to the fact that he found the man attractive, but he was starting to feel that it might be more than that. He'd had…crushes, for want of a better word, before and they'd passed without incident but this felt different.

Nothing would come of it, he knew that; he had a snowball's chance in hell but it didn't change how he felt. He hoped, perhaps, that he could forge some kind of a friendship with the man; Ron had managed to do it, after all, there was surely hope for him?

"How you can be such a good cook and yet so hopeless when it comes to Potions is beyond me," said the man as he came into the kitchen, interrupting Harry's thoughts.

"I'm taking the compliment in that sentence and ignoring the rest," Harry replied, trying not to notice that Severus was barefoot yet again.

"You always did have selective hearing," Severus said, taking a seat at the table.

Harry snorted and said, "Dinner won't be long. I hope it meets with your approval."

He stirred the hefty pot of stew then winced when a pain shot through his hand. He gave it a shake and clenched his fingers then wiggled them, a dull ache in his wrist.

"Problem?" Severus asked.

"Oh…um…I think I've strained my hand or something. Gripping my wand too tightly I guess…I mean…today," he added, mortified. "I mean…literally my wand, I wasn't…"

Severus quirked an eyebrow, the ghost of a smirk on his lips as he said, "Hold on a moment."

He got up and left the room, only to reappear a few moments later with a small pot in his hand. He chucked it to Harry, who deftly caught it with his good hand.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Valerian root," Severus replied. "Should help with the pain."

"Oh, cheers," Harry said. He unscrewed the lid and sniffed the contents before he scooped a little onto his fingers and smeared it over his palm. He rubbed it in awkwardly and heard Severus tut before the man moved over to him.

"Massage it in, you fool," he said, taking hold of Harry's hand and running his thumb over the palm. He began to work the substance into Harry's hand, applying firm but gentle pressure. Harry was torn between wanted to stay suspended in that moment forever and making a bolt for it, hardly able to cope with the tension Severus' actions were causing him.

He'd never been this close to the man before and Severus had never touched him apart from to whack him upside the head. He felt his heartbeat quicken and his mouth went suddenly dry as a little voice in his head berated him not to be such an idiot.

"Does this happen often?" Severus asked, his voice soft.

"Um…no…I mean yes, sometimes. I usually just ignore it and it goes away."

"Not exactly a brilliant long-term strategy," Severus said disapprovingly.

"Well I've never had my own personal physician before to…lend a hand."

"That was an appalling pun," Severus said with a tut, continuing to work his thumbs into the muscles of Harry's hand.

"Sorry," Harry said with a grin. "That feels a lot better. You missed your calling."

"Very amusing, Mr Potter."

"I thought we'd agreed to first names," Harry said, enjoying the man's attentions far too much.

"Old habits," Severus said with a slight quirk of his lip. "Besides, it's a lot easier to be superior when I'm using your last name."

Harry laughed and said, "So that's your game. I should have guessed."

Severus looked up at him and Harry's stomach fluttered, their proximity to one another sending his heart racing. He didn't know what he was hoping would happen but when there was a loud knock on the door his disappointment was almost tangible.

"Who can that be?" Severus said with a frown, dropping Harry's hand and reaching for the tea towel.

"Someone on our side, I guess. Enemies rarely knock."

"Such a shrewd observation," Severus said wryly, wiping his hands and leaving the kitchen.

Harry heard the front door open, surprised when he heard Ron's voice drift down the hallway. There was a murmured conversation for a moment or two before Severus reappeared in the kitchen, Ron in tow.

"Looks like we have a guest for dinner," Severus said.

"Hi, mate," Harry said, pleased to see his friend even if the git had interrupted his little moment with Severus. "What brings you here?"

"Just checking in with you, making sure everything's ok with you holed up here."

The man gave them both a cheery smile but there was something a little forced about it and Harry thought his friend looked pale and tired. He had dark circles under his eyes and a couple of days' worth of stubble on his chin, giving him a slightly unkempt look.

"Take a seat," Harry instructed. "Dinner will be ready soon."

Ron did has he was told and Severus sorted them all out with drinks. Harry put the finishing touches to the stew then dished it up, taking his seat at the table and accepting a glass of wine from Severus with a smile of thanks.

"How are things back at HQ?" Harry asked.

"Manic," Ron replied. "I'm partnered up with Kingsley at the moment and…there's a lot going on. I've barely had time to sit down for five minutes…this is a real treat."

Feeling guilty that his best friend was running himself ragged while he was cloistered away in a cosy cottage with the man of his fantasies, he ventured, "Severus has been training me. It's tough but…I'm learning,"

"Sounds good, mate," Ron said, tucking into his food. "You're not working him too hard, are you?" he asked Severus.

"I'm working him just enough," Severus replied, and Ron smirked at him.

Being sequestered away from everything, Harry had almost forgotten the jealousy he'd often felt at Ron and Severus' strange relationship. He watched as they fell to conversation with one another, the easiness between them quite compelling to watch.

There was no one really who Severus was friendly with among members of the Order. He had a complicated relationship with Dumbledore but Harry wasn't sure he'd ever describe them as friends. To see the man so comfortable with Ron, to watch them chat and laugh like old friends was as disconcerting as it was fascinating.

Ron was different to the boy he'd been at school. He was affable and enjoyed playing the fool, and his temper could still be stoked at the slightest provocation but he had matured since Hogwarts at been disbanded. He was confident and competent, suddenly more comfortable in his own skin and more certain of his own abilities.

Severus seemed to genuinely enjoy Ron's company and he jibed the man good-naturedly while engaging in conversation that was so natural Harry envied it. Severus listened to what Ron had to say with interest and seemed to truly regard the man as an equal. Harry wished he could take a leaf out of his friend's book.

"I healed a ruptured spleen yesterday," Ron said, swiping a large hunk of bread around his bowl to get the last of the stew.

"Bloody hell," Harry said, impressed. "What happened?"

"Attack on manoeuvres. Fletcher took a nasty stabbing curse. They brought him back to Grimmauld but Poppy was attending an attack on Remus' team. If he'd been left he would have died so I stepped in, got him stable. Poppy approved it afterward."

"Blimey, mate. You're practically a healer."

Ron smiled and said, "You know, I'm seriously considering becoming one. I'm getting more practical experience than most students would and I think I could really do it well. Besides…after all this bloody death and destruction it would be really good to do something worthwhile."

"I think you'll be great," Harry said sincerely, and Ron gave him a bashful smile.

He glanced up at the clock and said with a regretful sigh, "I should be going. There's a briefing at nine and I shouldn't miss it."

"I'll see you to the floo," Severus said. "There's an incantation you need to make it work."

They left the room together and Harry soon heard a murmured conversation coming from the living room. It sounded like more than Severus just giving Ron the incantation and, curiosity getting the better of him, Harry moved over to the door and tried to hear what they were saying.

"Try not to let it get to you," Severus said, his voice remarkably gentle. "He knows what he's doing."

Ron gave a humourless laugh and said, "Does he? Doesn't feel like it sometimes. I tried to get to be his liaison contact but…no joy. Fuck, Severus….I'm just so worried."

"I know, but he's strong and he has more reason than most to fight. He can do this."

"I saw what they did to you, Severus," Ron said, his voice tight. "I saw how you came back from meetings…I know what they do for fun. I just can't bear the thought of anything happening to him."

Harry peered around the doorframe and watched as Severus pulled Ron into a hug, Ron burying his face in the man's shoulder. It sparked his jealousy, but not as much as it might have done; the action was so clearly platonic and Ron was obviously beside himself, Harry couldn't hardly begrudge him a little comfort.

"I thought I could stop worrying about bloody Slytherins when you stopped spying," Ron said with a huff, pulling back.

"You needn't have wasted your concern on me," Severus said with a dismissive shake of his head.

"Don't be daft, I care about you, of course I worried," Ron said matter-of-factly, Severus looking taken aback by this declaration. Apparently deciding to take pity on him, Ron said, "How are you getting on anyway?"

"I'm fine," Severus said with a shrug.

"Really?" Ron said with a sceptical quirk of his eyebrow.

"Yes," Severus said firmly.

"You're sure? Things aren't…difficult for you?"

Harry rather resented the implication that living with him might be difficult but Severus simply shook his head and said, "Of course not. I'm managing perfectly well."

"Sev – "

"You'd better go or you'll be late for the briefing."

Ron rolled his eyes and said, "Nice to see your head's as firmly in the sand as ever. Take care, Sev, it was good to see you."

Severus performed the incantation and Ron disappeared through the floo, Harry moving away from the doorframe before Severus came back into the kitchen. Harry began to clear the table, saying, "It was nice to see him, I've missed the git."

"You're no good at spying," Severus said with a wry smile. "I saw you in the doorway."

Harry flushed and said, "Curiosity killed the cat. Sorry, I shouldn't have eavesdropped…I guess I just wanted to know what Ron would say to you that he wouldn't to me."

Severus looked uncomfortable and said, "I would tell you, but – "

"I wouldn't ask you to betray a confidence," Harry said with a smile. "If Ron's seen fit to confide in you then I won't pry, although I can't deny I'm curious. Truth be told, your…friendship kind of baffles me."

"I can understand that," Severus said with an amused snort. "It baffles me most days."

"But you…you like him?" Harry ventured.

"Against my better judgement, yes I do."

Harry laughed softly and said, "Lucky old Ron."

Severus looked as though he wanted to say something but closed his mouth as soon as he opened it. Needing to make a sudden retreat for reasons he didn't quite understand, Harry forced a smile and said, "I think might jump in the shower and get an early night. I'm done in from today's training. See you in the morning."

He shifted past Severus and made his escape up the stairs, wishing he didn't feel quite so jealous of his own best friend.

AN: Happy Thursday. Please let me know your thoughts on the chapter.