Chapter 13

~*~ Present day ~*~

"Does that feel any better?"

"Mm, much. Thank you, the pain was becoming unbearable."

Harry flexed his foot in Severus' lap as the man continued to work the Valerian root into his calf. He'd woken that morning with intense shooting pains through his legs, the pain so severe he'd been unable to get down the stairs. Severus' massage was the only thing providing him with any kind of relief and he was beginning to get over the awkwardness of it.

The pain had been bad since his trip to Ron and Draco's a few days prior. He supposed his black mood wasn't going to help anything; he always seemed to go downhill when his moods and emotions were negative. It went hand-in-hand, he guessed, but he'd been in the grip of depression for so long he didn't know how to claw his way out of it.

"Are you up to today?" Severus asked.

"Yeah," Harry said with more certainty than he felt. "I've been looking forward to it and I don't want to let Elodie down."

Hermione was dropping the little girl off within the hour as she and George were attending a conference in Paris. Harry and Severus were looking after her overnight and Harry was nervous about the arrangement. Severus had assured him it would be fine but he hadn't spent that much time with the little girl and he had no idea how he was going to get on.

"She'll be no trouble, I assure you."

"A child with Weasley genes? I don't believe that for a second," Harry said and Severus laughed.

"She is…a challenge sometimes, I'll admit. She's too clever for her own good but she's largely well-behaved. She only starts the occasional fire."

"I'm not sure that makes me feel any better."

"You'll be fine, I promise," Severus said as he continued to work his thumbs into Harry's muscles.

Harry wished he had Severus' certainty. He wasn't sure how good he was with children; he'd had little enough exposure to them in the past and he hadn't exactly sought out their company. He felt guilty that he didn't know Elodie better but he felt guilty about just about everything these days so what was one more thing?

He was simply glad he would have Severus with him, that he wouldn't have to go it alone. Severus had far more experience with the little girl than he did and had, apparently, had her to stay overnight several times in the past. Harry couldn't deny that it made him feel like a bad godfather and he knew he had a great strides to make with his goddaughter.

"How's the rest of the pain today?" Severus asked.

Harry shrugged and said, "About the same as it usually is."

"We'll trial a new potion today. I've honed it to where I think it will have the most effectiveness. We'll have to see."

"Can you throw in a sleeping draught while you're at it?" Harry asked hopefully and Severus looked up at him.

"Still not sleeping?"

"On and off, I guess. I don't know, I never seem to make it through the night."

Severus paused, his hand resting on Harry's leg, then said, "Have you spoken to Ron since you saw him the other day?"

Harry bristled slightly at the question. "No. What does that have to do with anything?"

Severus sighed and said, "You don't need me to tell you that mental wellbeing goes hand in hand with the physical. Perhaps if you managed to…make some ground with him it might make other things better."

Harry resisted the urge to scoff. Part of him knew that Severus had a point but talking to Ron was so difficult it made Harry wonder if it was worth it. "I can't talk to him," he said quietly. "Not without it descending into a fight."

"He's your best friend," Severus argued.

"No," Harry said, shaking his head, "not anymore he isn't."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true," Harry said, removing his legs from Severus' lap. "Whatever the reason, whoever's at fault, we don't have the same relationship we used to…I don't know if we ever will again."

Severus rested his elbows on his knees and leant forward, looking Harry squarely in the eyes as he said, "I don't know either, but I do know that nothing will be fixed if you both continue in this vein."

"Go and tell him off then," Harry said irritably. "Lecture him about being a bloody pillock."

"Believe me, I have, more than once. What I'd really like to do is knock both your stupid heads together. You're both as bad as each other."

Harry went to respond but the doorbell interrupted him. "That'll be Hermione," Severus said, getting up and heading for the door. "Perhaps you'd like to come down and say hello."

He left the room and Harry tried to school his features out of a scowl. He had to push Ron out of his mind and focus on his goddaughter; he was nervous enough about it, he didn't need any further bad feeling affecting his day.

He rolled his jeans back down his legs and took a deep breath before he made his way down the stairs. "Uncle Harry!" Elodie greeted from her position perched on Severus' hip.

"Hi, sweetheart," he said with a smile. "Hi, Hermione," he added, leaning over to place a kiss on the woman's cheek.

"Hello, Harry. Still not sleeping, hm?"

"I'm not even going to ask how you know that. You're kind of creepy, you know?"

Hermione laughed and said, "You're not the first person to tell me that. Now, I've packed everything you should need and one of us will be by tomorrow before lunch to pick her up. You'll be good for your godfathers, won't you?" she asked her daughter.

"Of course," Elodie said with a touch of indignation. "Uncle Sev's going to show me some potions, aren't you?" she said, turning her head to look up at the man.

"Indeed," Severus confirmed.

"Harmless potions only," Hermione said firmly.

"What do you take me for?" Severus replied.

"I think it's safer if I don't answer that. Right, I'll be on my way, I'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart, be good," Hermione said, giving her daughter an affectionate kiss before she apparated away.

"Well, why don't we sort you out some lunch?" Severus said. "Are we still swearing off anything green?"

They all settled in the kitchen and Harry watched with a smile as Severus prepared beans on toast while Elodie informed him that Severus' were the best because he grated cheese into the beans. Harry needn't have worried about filling any awkward silences or not being able to interact with the little girl; she paused her chattering only to take breath and Harry was utterly charmed by it.

Unsurprisingly for a child of both Hermione and George, she was quick-witted and intelligent. She wanted to learn everything she could and she enjoyed conversing with adults. She was obsessed with potions and already had more knowledge than most of the student body of Hogwarts, despite only being 5 years old.

Harry was enchanted by her and quietly lamented the time he had missed getting to know his young goddaughter. There was ample time to make up for it though and he intended to do so. Elodie was probably the only person who didn't have an axe to grind with him and it might be nice to have just one relationship that wasn't burdened by the past.

"Uncle Sev, let me do that!"

"I think not. Last time you cut your finger and I caught hell from your mother."

"Ooh, that's a naughty word," Elodie chided from her place on Severus' lap as she watched him prepare ingredients. They had migrated to the cellar after lunch and Elodie was watching Severus raptly.

"I won't tell if you don't. Now, when should we add the powdered shrivelfig?"

"When the base turns blue," Elodie answered certainly.

"Very good. Perhaps Uncle Harry will tell us how many times it needs to be stirred?"

Harry smiled and said, "20. 10 times clockwise, 10 counter-clockwise."

"It seems all those potions lessons weren't for nothing after all," Severus said and Harry forced his smile to stay in place.

He remembered all the times he had aided Severus in the damned cellar, all the times they'd spoken, all the times they'd…done more. It felt like another world and he'd tried to avoid the damn cellar as much as he could. He didn't know how Severus could subject himself to it, how he could live in this bloody cottage and not go mad.

"Do you think Potions will be your favourite subject at school, sweetheart?" he asked in an attempt to distract himself.

"Maybe," Elodie replied. "But I think I might like Transfiguration too, that was Daddy's favourite subject."

"I wasn't aware your father had a favourite, he simply caused chaos across all subjects," Severus said dryly.

Elodie giggled and said, "That's what Mummy said. She says she hopes I'm more Granger than Weasley."

"Jury's still out on that one," Harry said with a wry smile.

It had come as a surprise to him when he'd learnt of George and Hermione's relationship all those years ago, but then so much had surprised him back then. They'd been partnered on several missions together and feelings had developed quickly and intensely. They were married less than a year after Voldemort's fall and had built a happy life together. Harry tried very hard to pretend he wasn't jealous of that happiness.

"Uncle Harry, will you take me flying after this?" Elodie asked as she pushed a red curl behind her ear.

"I don't have my broom with me," Harry replied apologetically.

"There are a couple in the old shed by the side of the cottage," Severus said, guiding Elodie's hand to stir the cauldron.

"Oh, ok then. Are you sure your mum wouldn't mind?"

Elodie looked at him like he might be a little slow and said, "I fly with Daddy and Auntie Gin."

"Point taken," Harry said with a grin.

They finished with the potion, Elodie continuing to ask questions and command proceedings, then Severus directed them to the old shed and Harry let Elodie pick out which broom she wanted to ride. He secured her in front of him and made sure she was totally safe before he kicked off from the ground and took her up into the sky.

He held her tightly with one hand and guided the broom with the other, careful not to get too high or do anything anyone could consider unsafe. Elodie laughed and giggled as they flew, perfectly at ease on the broom as they flew out over the sea. It was a still, calm day and the winds were gentle as Harry guided the broom to and from the coast.

It had been a long time since he'd flown. Work had kept him busy for so long and when he had had any free time it had somehow seemed too frivolous to go flying. He'd forgotten how freeing, how liberating, it could be, how everything seemed to fall away and how the wind and the speed could blow all thoughts from your mind.

"Uncle Harry! Do a roll!"

"I don't think your mum would – "

"Daddy does them all the time!"

Harry paused then said with a grin that made him feel like a boy, "Alright. Hold on tight!"

He gripped Elodie firmly against his chest and flew quickly across the sea as he clenched his knees against the broom and rolled it in one swift, fluid motion. Elodie shrieked in delight and laughed as Harry did it one more time, just to please her.

"We'd better get back, darling or Uncle Severus will start to feel left out."

He guided the broom back to the coast and towards the cottage, bringing it to a gentle and elegant landing in front of Severus. He helped the little girl off the broom and Severus picked her up as Harry dismounted. "Good time?" Severus asked.

"Brilliant!" Elodie said with a bright smile.

"Looks like it did you some good too," Severus said, stepping closer and placing his hand on Harry's cheek.

Harry wondered if his smile was as bright as Elodie's, and he had to resist the very strong urge to lean forward and kiss the man. They went back inside and Elodie spent a quiet couple of hours with the arts and crafts things Hermione had packed for her.

Harry was enjoying himself and all his worries about spending the day with the little girl had been swiftly banished. He felt like a fool for not having done this more often and he cursed himself for not making the time to come back and visit, to take her on day trips and spend some time really getting to know her.

They decided to eat dinner down on the beach as the evening was such a beautiful one, and Elodie was thrilled to sit by the fire Harry made while they ate. She continued to chatter away happily and Harry mused, with some amusement, that it was a bloody good thing George and Hermione had no secrets they wanted to keep for they would have no chance.

The sun began to set and Elodie clambered into Harry's lap, saying she was cold. He summoned a blanket from the cottage and wrapped her up in it as she cuddled against his chest. He brushed his fingers through her red curls and listened as her breathing began to even out.

"You seem pretty comfortable there," Severus said with a smile as he cradled his mug of tea.

"Yeah. I uh…I thought I'd mess this up…somehow."

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"I don't know…just…I'm never really sure how good I am with kids."

"You've never considered…children of your own?" Severus asked and Harry only didn't laugh because he didn't want to wake Elodie.

"No," he settled for saying softly. "Christ, I haven't had a relationship last longer than a couple of months…kids are the last thing on my mind."

"Oh."

As that was the only response that seemed to be forthcoming, Harry cleared his throat and said, "What about you? Any…relationships?"

There was a pause then Severus shook his head. "No," he said quietly. "I'm not…I don't…there isn't anyone, not since – " he trailed off, looking down at his knees, his cheeks a little flushed. "I have always been destined for solitude."

"I don't think that's true," Harry said with a frown. "You're…I mean you…I'm sure there are plenty of people who would – " He stopped himself from going any further, not really sure that he wanted to encourage Severus to go and seek out a potential partner, as selfish a notion as that was.

"Perhaps we're both just hopeless causes," Severus murmured, and Harry was inclined to agree with him.

The fire crackled between them and Harry remembered a time, many years ago, when he and Severus had sat just like this, when Severus had kissed him as the fire burnt bright. He wished, more than anything, that he had enough courage to lean over and kiss him now, to tell him how much his missed him, how much he regretted…everything.

He didn't sleep well that night, but he rarely did anyway. He was, mercifully, not in too much pain but his mind wouldn't stop turning things over long enough for him to settle. He wondered if it would be so bad to tell Severus how he felt, how he'd always felt, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stand the hurt and humiliation if the man rejected him.

He woke to find Severus and Elodie already up and eating breakfast. He joined them, lying about a good night's sleep, and helped himself to some toast as Elodie told him about her plans for visiting Molly and Arthur that weekend. George came to pick her up before lunch and Harry was sorry to see her go. He promised himself he would endeavour to spend more time with her.

"Shall we?" Severus said, coming into the living room that afternoon with the pot of Valerian root in his hand.

"Uh…sure," Harry said, placing the file in his hands to one side.

"Working?" Severus asked as Harry stood up.

"Just going over some old case notes, seeing if anything jumps out at me that might be connected to this case."

"Any luck?"

"None so far."

"I know it's frustrating – "

"It's beyond frustrating," Harry said with a tired sigh. "I just…want my body back, I want to feel some fraction of control rather than this fucking curse dictating everything. I feel like…I won't find any peace until this is out of me."

"Harry," Severus said, stepping close to him. "How much peace did you have before the curse?"

"Christ, Severus, don't ask me questions like that. Whatever my life was or wasn't at least I wasn't in constant pain all the bloody time. I can't think, I can't sleep, I'm losing any semblance of myself and I just want it over."

"Harry – "

"Do you know what it's like? To have your mind clouded by pain, to feel a never-ending ache throughout your body, to feel pain down to your bones and to want just a fraction of relief, so much that you would give anything to make it stop. It makes you feel weak and so angry and it's all you can ever think about. You're a prisoner in your own body and it kills you, Severus, it kills you."

Severus grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him firmly against his chest, almost knocking the air out of Harry as he did so. Harry had forgotten how bloody strong the man could be when he wanted to and he knew it was pointless to struggle against him. He didn't want to anyway, he didn't want to fight it, he wanted to be held in Severus' arms for as long as the man would allow.

One hand came to cradle his head and he tried to get his breathing under control. He was shaking and he felt sick, all the adrenaline having flooded his body and then left just as quickly. He rested his head against Severus' chest and closed his eyes, willing the pain to go away.

He heard the floo go in the background, followed by Ron's voice, saying, "Sev, are you there? Can Drake and I come through?"

Harry disentangled himself from Severus and stepped away from him, wiping the tears from his eyes as Severus gave him an apologetic look and said, "Uh…yes, Ron, come through."

The fire roared to life and Ron stepped through, followed by Draco, who immediately clocked Harry's state and halted whatever Ron was about to say to take Harry's hands and say, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Harry said, his voice strained. "Just…bad pain day."

"Maybe this can wait," Draco said, looking over at Ron who was looking Harry with concern.

"Yeah, sure," Ron said with a nod.

"What can wait?" Harry asked, looking between them.

"We um…we have news…but we don't have to do this today," Ron said.

"If there's something I need to hear then tell me. It won't do any good to delay it." Ron and Draco continued to share looks and Harry sighed, saying, "Guys, come on, tell me."

"Bill's team have managed to do some…digging," Ron began tentatively. "The case you were on was…staged."

"I don't understand," Harry said with a frown.

"The house you were at…it's been abandoned for years, there's no legal claim on it. Harry…Bill's team liaised with the MLE and they're pretty certain it was an ambush…an ambush by renegade Death Eaters."

"No," Harry whispered, the bloody suddenly crashing in his ears and his mouth dry. "No…that can't be – I…." His breath caught in his throat and he felt hot and dizzy.

"Harry," Draco said gently, "it's ok. Just breathe."

"I can't, I can't do this again. This can't be happening. Please tell me this isn't happening. They've got it wrong, they must have got it wrong."

"Harry – "

"No! No, I can't go through this again."

"Harry you'll make yourself sick," Draco said, his arm firmly around Harry's shoulders. "Just take it easy, come on."

"This isn't real, it can't be real," he whispered, feeling as though the walls were closing in on him and as though his clothing was strangling him.

"Harry – "

He felt his head go light and he had no idea whose arms caught him before the world went black. He didn't dream, he wasn't aware of anything, and when he woke it was dark outside and he was in his own bed.

"Hey," came a voice, followed by a cool hand on his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

Harry squinted in the light of the bedside lamp and saw Ron sitting beside him. "Did I faint?"

"No," Ron said, removing his hand, "I put you out before your blood pressure went through the roof."

Harry shifted up to lean back against the pillows and said, "You must think I'm a right prat."

"Of course I don't. When I heard what they found…it made my blood run cold. I don't blame you for the way you reacted."

"I thought it was over, Ron," Harry whispered. "It's been nearly eight years since Voldemort fell, I thought I could put this all behind me."

Ron reached out and took Harry's hand, the gentle action so comforting it made tears prick Harry's eyes. "I know what you're thinking," Ron said gently, "but a few renegades doesn't mean that Voldemort will return. He can't, you know that, not after…what you did."

"That's what they thought before, when I was a baby, and then 11 years later he came back."

"Harry, I'll put you out again if I have to," Ron threatened.

"I just – "

"I know," Ron said, squeezing Harry's hand.

"I don't know how much more I can take, Ron."

"Listen to me," Ron said, getting up and moving to sit on the bed beside Harry. He wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulders and held him tightly as he said, "It's bad, all of it, it's one big bloody mess but we'll sort it. The MLE are tracking the renegades, they'll find them, lock them up and we'll find out what this curse is. We'll get you well again."

"There's so much…so much other stuff," Harry said, his voice thick.

"I know, Harry. We'll fix that too," Ron said softly, then pressed a gentle kiss to Harry's temple. "Get some sleep, you need it."

"Will you…will you stay with me? Just for a bit?" Harry asked tentatively.

"Yeah…sure," Ron said, snuggling back against the pillows and letting Harry rest against him.

The pain that had spread through Harry's legs and hips eased slightly and the dull pounding at the base of his skull began to recede. He closed his eyes and let Ron hold him, feeling a strange moment of peace wash over him as sleep eventually pulled him under.

AN: Updating today as I don't think I'll get time tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed it, please leave a review and let me know.