Chapter 14

~*~ 8 years ago~*~

Being back at Grimmauld was awful. The house was either teeming with people so that it felt as though the very walls would break or it was so devoid of life that Harry thought he might go mad with the silence. He was barely getting to see Severus, which was horrible, and any time they managed to snatch together they were surrounded by other people.

He had grown so used to sleeping beside the man, to feeling the warmth of his body and hearing the sound of his breathing. He hated his cold and lonely room at Grimmauld and wanted so desperately to sneak across to Severus' and slip into bed next to him, to be held and kissed until he fell asleep.

He didn't know how welcome that would be though. He and Severus hadn't spoken about how they should behave back at Grimmauld but, undefined as their relationship was, Harry was sure Severus wouldn't want it being common knowledge. Harry didn't even know if the man wanted it to continue; maybe they'd just been fooling around at the cottage and now they were back to reality it would naturally cease.

It would have killed Harry if that were to be the case. He didn't know what he and Severus had, what was going on between them but he didn't want to lose it. He only felt sane when he was with Severus, he only felt capable of dealing with things when they were together, either intimately or not, and he wanted nothing more than to be back in the cottage, shutting out the rest of the world.

On top of it all he now felt more useless than ever as his training had all but come to a halt with Severus not around all that often. He was hanging around the house doing nothing while everyone else ran themselves ragged and it made him feel thoroughly wretched. He was contributing nothing and he was sure the others resented him for it.

He tried to keep himself busy with reading, continuing his training in the theoretical side of things if not the practical. He locked himself away in the library and ventured out only when hunger or necessity forced him to. He constructed elaborate wards and shields around the rooms so he could practise all the spells he had learnt and no one else dared to cross the threshold.

"Any tea going spare?"

Harry looked up from the kettle he'd been staring at, having wandered into the kitchen after an unproductive morning, to see Severus standing in the doorway. "Hi," he said, using all his willpower not to launch himself at the man. "I didn't think you were back until tomorrow."

"Tip-off turned out to be a dead-end."

"Oh."

"Is there any tea?"

"Oh, sure. Of course. I was just about to put the kettle on."

"Harry," Severus said softly, "get over here."

Harry abandoned the kettle and was in Severus' arms before he could blink, his arms sliding around the man's neck as he held himself tightly against the man's body. "Jesus it feels like years since I last did this."

"It's only been a couple of weeks," Severus said against his temple.

"I know," Harry sighed, "and I've hated it. I hate being back here."

He pulled back so he could look up at Severus, feeling the man's hands support his back, warm and comforting. "I didn't know if…if you wanted things to carry on now we're back here."

"What do you want?" Severus asked.

"I think that if I can't touch you again I'll go mad," Harry said honestly. "I've hated not being able to be with you. I hate this bloody house."

"There's no reason why we can't continue our…arrangement, we just have to be subtle."

"Right," Harry said, perturbed for reasons he didn't really understand. He didn't really want anyone to know about their relationship either but he knew his reasons, he wondered about Severus'. "Well…we seem to have the house to ourselves now," he added with a smile, desperate to feel Severus' hands on his skin.

"So we do," Severus said, leaning down and finally giving Harry what he'd been so badly wanting for days. Harry all but melted against him, feeling relieved and happy to be back where he belonged. He felt Severus' fingers skitter beneath his shirt and all thoughts about being stuck in Grimmauld began to disappear.

He loved kissing Severus possibly more than anything else they did together. True they did far more erotic things when they were alone together, but Severus' kisses were torturously exquisite and he could have happily been their recipient for hours.

He was about to suggest moving things up to his bedroom when he heard the front door go and voices drifting down the hallway. He was gratified to see that Severus looked just as put out as he felt as they pulled apart, and he hoped that they would get to pick up where they left off later on.

"Oh hey, you're back," Ron said to Severus as he entered the kitchen, Hermione in tow. "The intel was no good?"

"No," Severus said, shaking his head. "Waste of time."

"I was just going to make some tea," Harry said, happy to see his friends but resenting their arrival slightly. "Do you guys want some?"

"God yes," Hermione said, patting down her pockets until she found a hair clip and swept her hair up out of the way. She looked tired and pale and Harry was yet again struck with an intense feeling of guilt that his friends were fraying at the edges while he sat around reading sodding books.

"I think there's some soup left over from yesterday. Shall I heat some up for you both?"

"That'd be great, mate, thanks," Ron said, running a hand through his hair then pulling a face when he realised how unclean it was.

Harry was about to find where the soup had ended up when there was an almighty racket from the corridor outside. "Is anyone here?" came George's voice. "We need help!" He stumbled into the kitchen, Neville with him and a body slung between their shoulders, held up by sheer force of will.

"What's happened?" Hermione asked.

"Clear the table," George ordered, "let's get him down."

They did as instructed and it was only when George and Neville lay the body down on top of it Harry realised it was Draco Malfoy. "Oh no," Ron breathed, at the man's side in an instant. "What the fuck happened? Love? Love, can you hear me?"

Harry's shock at hearing Ron call Draco 'love' was pushed to the side as he listened to Neville say, "We don't know, we found him when we went to check in. We brought him straight here."

Ron tore Draco's clothes away and Harry saw the deep cuts across the man's chest and abdomen. "Severus, I need blood replenishers and anticoagulants. Hermione I need you to perform an oxygen spell and keep his breathing study. Monitor his pulse, let me know if it drops below 60. Harry, come here and apply pressure to this wound. George, Nev, go and get all the medical supplies you can find in this house."

Everyone did as they'd been ordered and Harry stood beside the table, pressing down hard where Ron told him to. Ron worked, utterly focused on his task, continuing to give orders, each one obeyed as fast as could be done. Harry could see the terror in his friend's face, how frightened he was as he cast spell after spell and used muggle methods to heal whatever the hell had happened to Draco.

Harry had about 100 questions, all of which he knew were inappropriate at that moment, but he wanted desperately to know how they had come to having Draco, half-dead as he was, in the kitchen of Grimmauld while Ron laboured to save his life. There had clearly been more things at play than Harry realised and Ron was quite obviously involved in some way with the man.

Ron's proficiency with healing spells and emergency medicine was really quite staggering. He knew things that left Harry baffled and he acted with certainty and a kind of competency Harry had never really seen in him before. He kept calm and level, even though it was clear he was terrified, and he commanded the room like a general at war.

"I think we're stable," he said eventually, his hands and shirt covered in blood, his face ashen. "Pulse rate?" he asked Hermione.

"80," she answered. "And his pulse oximeter is back up to 90."

"Good, that's good," Ron said tiredly. "Let's get him up to a bed and someone get Pomfrey over here. I want to be sure there's nothing I've overlooked, nothing that can…go wrong."

George and Neville used magic to guide him off the table and out of the kitchen, one steering and the other projecting him gently forward. Ron grabbed a rag and wiped his hands with it, watching Draco go with a grim face. Hermione apparated away, presumably to seek out Poppy as Ron had instructed, and Severus cast his wand over the table, banishing the medical debris and cleaning it of the blood that stained the dark wood.

"You were amazing," Harry told Ron. "You saved his life."

"We don't know that yet," Ron said, his voice strained. "He could still…there could be complications…anything could – "

"No," Harry said firmly, "you saved his life. You were incredible. I've never seen anything like it."

Ron gave him a tight smile and said, "I'd better get cleaned up." He looked down at the blood all over his shirt and Harry thought the man might be sick, but he took a deep breath then left the room, walking unsteadily as he went.

Harry looked over to Severus, who looked almost as ashen as Ron had done, and said, "He's one of us then?"

Severus nodded. "Since his 6th year."

"Holy fuck," Harry breathed, taken aback. "All that time? All that time and no one told me?"

"No one knew, even I didn't. Dumbledore was the only one who…I only knew after I was partnered with Ron and it all came tumbling out."

Harry paused, turning that small snippet of information over in his mind, then said, "Ron was the reason he switched?"

"Yes," Severus said softly.

He didn't need to say any more and Harry didn't want to ask anything further at that point. He was worried for his friend, his friend who had had to stitch the man he quite clearly loved back together while holding himself in check and staying strong enough to ensure Draco's survival. His head was spinning with this sudden new development but this wasn't about him and he understood that.

"Are you ok?" he asked Severus. "I know you…have a history with him."

"I nearly had a heart attack when they brought him in," Severus said, taking a seat at the table and looking suddenly shattered. "I've been worried sick about him since he took the Mark and it seems my worries weren't unfounded."

"No wonder Ron always looked so drawn when we saw him. It must have been hell for him."

Severus looked at him with a searching expression and said, "You don't disapprove?"

Harry gave a soft laugh and said, "It's not my place to approve or disapprove. Besides, I'm hardly in a position to judge," he added with a pointed look at Severus.

"Indeed," Severus said with a smile. "I must check my potions stock, make sure we have everything we need for any further casualties."

Harry nodded and said, "I'll get some dinner going. Folks need to eat after all."

Severus stood and made his way around the table, stopping to exchange a brief and chaste kiss with Harry before he disappeared down the cellar steps to the house's makeshift potions lab. Poppy arrived and was ushered upstairs, Ron apparently staying with Draco. Harry served dinner for Hermione, George, Neville and Severus, saving some for Poppy should she wish to have any.

They were all rather muted as they ate and conversation was at a minimum. It seemed that Neville had been Draco's liaison contact since he had taken the Mark and had weekly check-ins with the man to get any information he managed to gather and take his weekly report. He'd been working with George that day and they'd gone to the check-in together, finding nothing but a half-dead Draco and no culprits anywhere in sight.

Of course, it didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened – the same thing had happened to Severus only a few months prior. Harry still couldn't believe that he'd known nothing about it, that his friend hadn't confided in him, that Draco Malfoy, of all people, had been risking his life to fight against Voldemort.

"Did you know?" Harry asked Hermione as they cleared up the dinner things together.

"No," she replied. "I had no idea he was on our side, let alone that he was…involved with Ron."

"Are you upset by it?" Harry asked carefully, knowing that something had once existed between her and Ron.

"No," she said with a smile. "Whatever we had…it was a teenage fling, nothing more. Besides…I have an…entanglement of my own."

"Oh?" Harry said, taken aback yet again. It seemed he had no clue what was going in his friends' lives any more than they did about his.

"Don't say anything, this is classified information," she said with a wicked grin, "but…George and I are…sort of involved."

"Sort of?" Harry echoed in surprise.

"Well ok, we are involved. Keep it under your hat, Harry. I mean it."

"Cross my heart and hope to die. You're happy though?"

Her smile grew wider and she said, "Yes, I think it's safe to say I am." She rose up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, then said, "Will you go and see Ron? Check he's ok?"

He nodded. "Of course, I was going to go up anyway. You go and get some sleep, you look done in."

"You always know how to make a girl feel good, Harry," she said with a laugh, giving his cheek a pinch before she disappeared up the stairs.

Severus had gone straight back to his potions after dinner and would likely be with them for a good few hours yet. Harry finished setting the kitchen straight and tidied himself up before he made his way up the stairs in search of whichever room they'd put Draco in. He found it on the third floor, popping his head around the door and seeing Ron sitting beside the man's bed, holding his hand in his own.

"Can I come in?" he asked quietly.

Ron looked up and said, "Yeah…sure."

Harry grabbed a chair from beneath the window and positioned himself on the opposite side of the bed. "How is he?"

"Stable," Ron replied. "Poppy thinks he'll recover from the damage but…he might not wake up for a while. It could be a long recovery."

"He has you to thank, Ron. He wouldn't be here if you hadn't done what you did."

"If he'd died…" Ron trailed off, tears in his eyes, his face pale. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath then looked up at Harry, still holding Draco's hand tightly. "Harry…I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Oh that's not important. Do you…want to tell me now?" he ventured, not wanting to push Ron if he wasn't ready to speak about it, especially given the vulnerable state he was currently in.

Ron gave a hollow laugh and said, "I'm not sure I know where to start." He sighed heavily and said, "Things um…things began in 6th year. I don't know how, not really…I just remember that one minute we were having a fight and the next…well…I don't think either of us wanted to believe it at first and the beginning of our relationship wasn't particularly sunny…we were awful to each other actually…but I fell in love with him…fell bloody hard."

"That must have been…frightening."

"Yeah…you could say that. Of course, the biggest barrier between us, the biggest bloody bone of contention was his fucking family and the part they were playing against everything I was fighting for."

"And so he switched sides?"

"It wasn't just for me," Ron said, holding Draco's hand close. "I mean…it was…but he'd been conflicted about it for a while, since 4th year and Cedric's death. He just hadn't had a reason, a real reason to risk everything. I told him not to, I mean, I argued that he could just come over to our side and let that be an end to it but he seemed intent on spying. Merlin knows why.

"It began small, just…slipping things to me that would find their way back to Dumbledore, stuff like that but…then Sev was unmasked and Drake insisted on taking the Mark…on…filling his shoes. We both tried to talk him out of it, Sev was bloody furious with him, but he wouldn't be swayed. I've been beside myself since, I'm sure I've given myself a bloody ulcer. And now this. My worst fears come true."

"Ron, I'm so sorry," Harry said gently. "I can't imagine what you've been through…or how you're feeling now."

That wasn't true, not quite. He could quite easily imagine how sick, how fraught, he'd be if it were Severus lying in Draco's place, if he were the one by his side, holding onto his hand and hoping beyond hope that the man would be ok. He could completely understand Ron's fear, and he hoped, for his friend's sake, that Draco came through unscathed.

Ron looked across the bed at him, his brow furrowed thoughtfully. "I didn't think you'd be so…rational about this," he said eventually. "I thought you'd think I was insane."

Harry laughed and said, "Well I've always thought that, who you're in love with wouldn't change that. Ron, it's none of my business who you chose to love and…he's clearly a different man to the one I thought he was. As long as you're happy…I don't care."

Ron smiled, strained though it was, and said, "I can't tell you what a relief it is that you know. I've kept it to myself for so long."

"Severus knew," Harry said, hoping resentment hadn't crept into his voice.

"Yeah," Ron said, looking guilty. "But that wasn't – I mean – I didn't deliberately exclude you. It's just…we were partnered together so much and…kind of became friends…and it all sort of came pouring out one night. I shouldn't have told him, not with how…covert everything was…but it just slipped out. I swore him to secrecy, don't be cross at him for not telling you."

"I'm not," Harry assured him. "He would never betray a confidence and I wouldn't want him to. All of that's irrelevant now anyway, you just need to focus on him now, on getting him through this."

Ron nodded and reached out with his free hand to caress Draco's cheek tenderly. However bizarre the relationship might be to Harry, he couldn't deny the evidence of his own eyes or how much Ron clearly loved the man. "I um…I don't know how long I'll be able to stay. I'm meant to be the on-call medic for a safe house in a day or two…he might not be awake by then."

"I'll stay with him," Harry offered. "I'll make sure he's ok."

"You'd do that?" Ron asked, clearly surprised.

"Of course. If he's important to you then…I'll get over how much of a prat I think he is."

Ron grinned and said, "Tell him that, please, when he wakes up. It'll give him a good laugh." He kissed Draco's knuckles and held the man's hand to his chest, then said, "I appreciate it, Harry. I really do. If he hasn't woken up by the time I leave…at least I know he won't be on his own. I couldn't bear that."

"Can I wind him up? Just a little bit, not enough to burst his stitches?" Harry asked, hoping to inject just a little bit of levity into things.

"Go for it, he'll want to give as good as he gets; he hasn't changed that much."

There was silence for a while, Ron watching the steady rise and fall of Draco's chest and Harry still marvelling at this really quite incredible relationship that he'd had no knowledge of only a few hours prior.

"Harry?" Ron asked eventually, finally laying Draco's hand down on the bed.

"Mm?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Ron asked gently, fixing Harry with one of his eerily perceptive looks.

"Tell you? Like what?" Harry said, trying to hedge the issue.

"Like an attachment of your own maybe?"

"Did he tell you?" Harry asked, unable to stop himself.

Ron shook his head with a smile. "No, he didn't tell me anything, but I know you both very well and I can see it a mile off. The looks you two give each other…"

"And here I was thinking we were subtle," Harry said, feeling his cheeks heat. "You won't say anything? I mean…I don't really know…I'm not sure what it is between us…and Severus doesn't seem keen to put any labels on it anytime soon. I just…I'd rather people didn't know."

"You can count on me to keep it quiet," Ron promised. "Are you…happy though? With him I mean?"

Harry smiled and said, "In a weird kind of way…yeah, I guess I am. He makes me feel safe, makes me feel like I can actually face all this…madness that we're surrounded by."

"I know that feeling," Ron said softly, looking back at Draco.

"You…don't seem surprised," Harry said, narrowing his eyes at his friend.

Ron shrugged, a funny smile playing about his lips. "Like I say, I know you both well."

Harry readjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose and ran his tongue over his teeth before he said, "I don't get your friendship with him."

Ron snorted and replied, "Me neither, mate. I was terrified of the bloke for years and then he was the bane of my sodding existence when I was partnered with him on assignment after assignment. I don't know…somewhere along the way something…clicked. He's a good man and I like him, I like having him as a friend."

Harry couldn't explain the jealousy he felt at that simple statement. Ron's heart clearly belonged to Draco and Severus had given Harry no indication that he felt anything other than friendship for Ron but their closeness irritated for reasons that he couldn't explain. Perhaps he envied how easy things were between them, how simple and uncomplicated things seemed to be in their odd little friendship, perhaps he envied how close two people he cared for so deeply were to each other. Whatever the reason, he wasn't proud of how he felt and he was trying to squash the feeling down as far as he could.

"Well…I should leave you in peace," he said, not wanting to press the issue further. "Try and get some sleep, hm? He's going to be ok, you're an excellent healer."

"Thanks, Harry. Thanks for your help today…and for promising to stay with him. It means a lot."

Harry gave his friend a genuine smile then left the room, knowing that Ron wouldn't leave the man's side until he was forced to. He considered going back to his bedroom, or possibly the library to continue with his research, but he found his feet taking him to Severus' room.

"Hi," he said softly as he let himself in after a gentle knock. "Thought you might still be with your potions."

"No, I finished about half an hour ago," Severus said, his shirt half-way undone and untucked from his trousers.

"Do you…want some space?" Harry asked, not wishing to foist himself on the man if he wasn't wanted.

"From you?" Severus asked, looking tired but smiling, nevertheless. "Not likely."

Harry smiled and crossed the room, the last few hours lifting away from him as he wound himself around Severus and pulled his body close to the man's. "What a day," he breathed against the man's shoulder, closing his eyes and letting himself be held.

"Is Draco alright?"

"Ron says he's out of the woods. He's just waiting for him to wake up now."

"Thank God."

"It feels like every day's another casualty…and it's only going to get worse. Draco got lucky, other people might not."

"No point dwelling on things like that now," Severus said softly, his fingers working through Harry's hair, tugging gently to pull Harry's head back and kiss him. Harry responded eagerly, feeling that it had been too long since he'd been able to do this.

Clothes were peeled away and skin pressed against skin as they made their way to the bed. He felt Severus' hands all over him, followed by his lips, and his back arched off of the bed as Severus' mouth closed around him. All his thoughts were chased away, all the loneliness of the last couple of weeks, all the negativity he'd been feeling towards himself just fell away.

Their bodies moved against one another and Severus was inside him before he could register it. It felt so wonderful, so right, to be beneath the man again, to feel him moving inside him, to be that close to him again. It was barely even about sex in that moment; it was about connecting with the one person who seemed to truly understand him, the one person who made him feel that he was home, that life wasn't all bad.

He hadn't been sure what he'd been feeling for Severus up until that point, but as his orgasm hit him and Severus thrust inside him until he reached his own, it suddenly seemed so clear that he was in love with him. The realisation was an over-whelming one and Harry lay there long after Severus had fallen asleep, staring up at the canopy of the bed. He didn't know what it meant, didn't know how he felt about his own feelings and had no idea if Severus felt in any way the same about him.

It was frightening and Harry didn't know if he was ready for it, but he knew that he couldn't stand to lose what he had with Severus. It didn't need a name for the time being, anyway, he didn't need to define it, he just wanted to keep the man as close as possible; without him Harry wasn't sure he'd be able to manage. He fell asleep listening to the sound of Severus' breathing and wished he could keep the man this close always.

AN: Hope you enjoyed the chapter, folks. Please leave a review and let me know.