Chapter 15

~*~8 years ago~*~

Severus left, as did the rest of the household, Ron almost having to be dragged away from Draco's side as the man still hadn't woken. Harry assured his friend that he would keep watch over Draco and make sure he was tended to with care. Ron was beside himself with worry and Harry didn't envy him having to leave when all he wanted was to stay with the man he loved.

It killed Harry to watch Severus go, especially as he had no idea when the man would be back or what kind of danger he was walking into. All missions were largely classified and weren't allowed to be discussed with other Order members until completed and Harry wouldn't push Severus to share information with him when he couldn't. Still, it annoyed him that he was kept in the dark about so much, especially when it came to his own lover.

It still made him a little giddy to think of Severus in such terms but he supposed that was what he was. He was still trying to wrap his head around the realisation of his own feelings, of just how much the man meant to him, and, overwhelming though it was, he knew there was little point in denying how he felt. It made things more complicated; it couldn't be just sex after all if he was in love with the man, but he wasn't sure it had ever been just about that in the first place.

He brought his books into Draco's room and sat beside the man's bed while he read, still determined to know as much about the magic he was wielding as possible. Ron had left him with very specific instructions for what to do when Draco awoke and Harry was prepared to make sure the man was ok. He still couldn't quite believe that the prat was on their side, or that he was in an apparently loving relationship with Ron, and he had to admit that he was curious to learn what kind of person he'd grown into.

He hadn't seen Draco since their 6th year. The man hadn't returned for their 7th year, not that it mattered as the school was disbanded only weeks into the first term, and Harry had wondered what had happened to him. There had been signs, back then, that Draco was changing, but Harry hadn't really taken the time to appreciate them. He had been far less antagonistic and obnoxious and had seemed to be far more concerned with other things than causing trouble for Harry.

Of course, Harry now knew exactly what Draco had been preoccupied with and he was actually quite fascinated to hear Draco's version of events. He couldn't imagine that the man was wholly altered to the prat he'd known at school but Ron loved him and he trusted Ron's judgement. Harry had had enough of letting prejudice blind him, of making judgements based on partial snippets of information, and he was prepared to give Draco a second chance.

As he sat with Draco, keeping a careful eye on the man's recovery and hoping he would wake soon, he tried not to let his mind wander to all the other people who had been injured in the so-called line of duty. He tried not to think of Dean, who was currently undergoing intense physical therapy for his damaged nerves, and he tried desperately not to imagine Remus lying unconscious in St Mungo's, no one able to answer for sure whether he'd ever wake up again.

There had been others since, people Harry didn't really know, only by name, people who had been injured, some badly. There had been one, a woman in her early 30s, not too dissimilar to Tonks by all accounts, who had been captured by Death Eaters when she had tried to save a muggle family from their attentions. She'd been rescued, eventually, but Harry had heard that it was touch and go whether she would actually pull through.

He wasn't stupid; he knew this was what war was, but he hadn't expected it to weigh so heavily on his mind this way. He couldn't help but feel that all of this was his fault, that these poor people whose lives had been ruined so spectacularly would all be fine if it weren't for him. It was a dangerous way to think, he knew that, and Severus had tried to talk him out of it more than once but when those invasive thoughts gained a foothold it was near impossible to banish them.

"Whoever wrote this should be shot," Harry sighed in frustration, closing the book he'd been reading and putting it in the pile of tomes he'd rejected that morning.

He'd found a couple of books on extracting dark magic and the idea had intrigued him, not least because there were so many rooms in Grimmauld that were virtually impassable thanks to the dark magic that lingered within. The idea of extracting that kind of magic was one that he'd wanted to explore and he could see potential for it if only he could find some decent reading material on the subject. He supposed it was only to be expected in a place like bloody Grimmauld – its past inhabitants were hardly likely to encourage getting rid of the filth they'd spread around the damned house.

He supposed he could ask Severus if he had any useful material in his vast collection but he didn't know when he'd next see the man and he was trying hard not to think too much about him. Rolling his eyes at how pathetic he was, he picked another book from the pile he'd lugged in with him and considered that it was probably time to stop for a coffee.

He rubbed at his eyes tiredly and was about to get up when he saw a movement from the corner of his eye. Draco fingers were twitching against the bedcovers and his brow was furrowing as he lay against the pillows. "Draco?" he ventured, getting up and moving to the man's side. "Draco, can you hear me?"

Draco began to move a little more and Harry watched as the man slowly opened his eyes, blinking a couple of times before he frowned up at him. "Potter?" he asked, his voice cracked and hoarse.

"Yeah, it's me. How are you feeling?"

"Where am I?"

"At Grimmauld. George and Nev found you and brought you back here. Ron patched you up."

"Ron?" Draco echoed, trying to sit up. "Is he here? Can I see him?"

"Just lie still," Harry said, gently pushing back against the bed. "He isn't here, he had to leave on another assignment but he'll be back soon. I'll get Poppy over here to take a look at you."

"No," Draco said, shaking his head. "I feel ok. Besides, if they know I'm awake I'll have to answer a bunch of questions about what happened and I just can't face that yet."

"Ok," Harry said, taking a seat beside the bed. "Ron…left me a bunch of instructions about what to do when you woke up and…he'll kill me if I don't do them so…can you let me? It's nothing invasive, I promise, just a few checks to make sure nothing's amiss."

Draco paused then nodded with a resigned sigh, clearly no more willing to argue with Ron's orders than Harry was. Harry consulted the written instructions Ron had left him then performed the series of spells Ron had listed. Harry wasn't very familiar with medicinal magic but the spells were fairly basic and were designed to see whether the patient was in any immediate danger. It was awkward, and Draco looked no more thrilled by the situation than Harry was, but they got through it relatively painlessly.

"Looks like you're pretty much mended but there are signs of dehydration. Severus left you a couple of potions that should help with that and there some pain relief stuff if you need it."

"Thanks, now that I'm waking up…I think I could do with it," Draco said, a flush beginning to appear on his cheeks.

"Sure. How about some food? You must be starving. I'll fix you some lunch, get the potions and…what?" he asked, noticing that Draco was squinting at him suspiciously.

"You," Draco said bluntly. "Why are you being so bloody nice?"

"I can be a dick if you want me to be," Harry said snidely.

Draco snorted and said, "It might be less disconcerting."

"Look," Harry said, reminding himself that he was going to turn over a new page and not fall back on old habits, "I didn't know until a few days ago that you were on our side and certainly didn't know about you and Ron. I think…I think it's fair to say that neither of us is the person they were back in school and…I don't know…I'm kind of anxious to put all that crap behind us."

Draco looked at Harry thoughtfully for a moment or two, his grey eyes searching, and Harry was half tempted to tell him to forget it and they could go back to insulting each other at every turn. "Very well," Draco said eventually. "Seems stupid to hold onto childhood grudges when…the world is falling to bits around us."

"You feel that way too?" Harry asked quietly, Draco the first person to voice his own thoughts about the state of things.

"Yeah I do," Draco said softly. "Mind you, several knife wounds to the abdomen and a near-death experience will make you a little jaded."

"You were in a bad way when you brought here. I don't know what would have happened if Ron hadn't been here."

Draco gave him a lopsided kind of smile, one that was eerily reminiscent of Ron's, and said, "Bet I gave the bastard a good scare."

"He was terrified," Harry said sincerely. "I've never seen him so frightened in my life. He was amazing though; he jumped right into action and he knew exactly what to do. He barked orders at all of us and…it was incredible to watch."

"He is pretty incredible," Draco said with the same lopsided smile, then looked up at Harry through narrowed eyes again. "Should I expect some kind of conversation?" he asked. "Are you going to warn me off? Threaten me? Tell me I'm not good enough for your best friend?"

"I think we'd both find that excruciating," Harry said with a snort. "I'll say the same thing to you that I said to Ron – it's none of my business, I have no right to judge. Do I understand it? No, not really. Is it surprising? Yes it fucking is, but…I wish you both luck."

"Are you actually Harry Potter or have you been polyjuiced? You're being far too reasonable."

Harry laughed and said, "Give me a week of putting up with you and I'm sure I'll be back to being as unreasonable as you remember. I'll go and fix you something to eat, sit tight."

Harry spent the next few days looking after Draco, which, bizarre as it was, was actually oddly nice as it gave him something to focus on and broke up the relentless silence of the gloomy old house. Draco was a surprisingly co-operative patient and, bar the odd snide remark, he did as instructed and let Harry help him with little griping and a fair amount of grace.

He was weak and in pain but otherwise ok. He'd make a full recovery in time but he needed rest and needed to be built back up again. Harry didn't ask him what happened and he knew Draco was putting off telling Dumbledore and he didn't blame him. Whatever Draco had been through, it had clearly been a terrible ordeal and the man needed time to heal, in more ways than one, before he was interrogated. Harry was more than happy to facilitate that and give him the time and space he needed; he knew how distressing it could be to go through something traumatic only to have people immediately in your face asking for details and he didn't want to subject Draco to that if it wasn't necessary.

He followed the instructions Ron had left him to the letter and made sure that Draco got out of bed a couple of times a day and had a gentle walk around the bedroom and out to the landing. He cooked for him, made sure he was drinking and that he was taking his potions, and sat with him while he continued his research into eradicating dark magic. He made sure he was sleeping and insisted that the man took a few naps a day to ensure he was resting properly.

"You make a lovely nurse, you know," Draco told him as he re-arranged the pillows and sorted the duvet out as he settled Draco back into bed after they'd taken a little stroll around the landing.

"I can still fit a catheter, you know, it's not too late," Harry threatened.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh I really would. Ron would understand."

Draco laughed and rested against the pillows, looking better than he'd done the day before but still looking pale and tired. He reached for one of the books Harry had left for him on the nightstand and perused the cover with an unimpressed look. "How long do I have to stay in bed?" he asked with a sigh.

"Ron says a week, until you can make it to the landing and back unaided."

"Ron's very good at leaving orders when he's not here."

Harry smiled and said, "I'm sure he'd rather be here to order you directly."

"Wouldn't he just? Pillock that he is."

Harry leant back in his chair, propping his feet up on the bed and receiving a dirty look from Draco, then said, "How did it happen…you two?"

Draco smirked and said, "I wondered how long it would take you to ask."

"You don't have to tell me – "

"I'm aware of that. I'm just considering whether Ron would rather avail of you the whole sordid history."

"I don't want to hear anything sordid," Harry said, holding his hands up. "I don't want details…I'm just…curious."

Draco reached over and retrieved the tea Harry had made him, taking a sip then saying with a smile, "He found me out by the greenhouses crying one day. Things were…bad…and I was in a really dark place. The last thing I wanted was for someone to see me like that…especially someone like him. I thought he'd give me hell…mock me…I don't know, but somehow the fact that he didn't was worse. He asked me what was wrong and…when I looked at him…he looked genuinely concerned."

"What did you do?" Harry asked, trying to picture the scene in his head.

"I punched him in the nose," Draco replied, and Harry snorted with laughter.

"Yeah, that sounds about right for you two."

"He called me all the names under the sun, all while holding his poor, bloody nose, but he didn't hit me back. I didn't understand why. I just stood there…baffled."

"And you just fell into each other's arms?" Harry asked with a grin.

"You've been reading too many romance novels," Draco replied with a derisive sniff. "No, of course we didn't. He left, still cursing me to high heaven, and I went back to feeling sorry for myself. I thought that was an end to it but…we seemed to keep running into each other, far more than we would normally do. Every time he was…civil, and it just threw me. I expected a fight, I think I wanted a fight, but I didn't get one."

"So…how did you…?"

Draco's smile was almost self-depreciating as he said, "You know…I'm not sure I even remember, not really, but I do remember the first time he kissed me. It was June, 6th year was almost over and it was hot, too hot really. I was sitting out by the lake, wondering how I could possibly escape going home for the summer, trying to weigh up what my options were and that bloody prat came and sat next to me. He didn't say anything, just sat there, looking so bloody serene I wanted to thump him again."

Draco's expression turned from light-hearted to a kind of quiet introspection as he said softly, "After the longest silence, that seemed to stretch on forever, he finally turned to me and said, 'Nothing's written in stone, you know. You can choose any path you want.' I was staggered…I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything, I just kissed him."

Harry blinked at him for a moment before he said, "And that isn't romantic? Christ, that's one of the most romantic things I've ever heard."

"Don't be so stupid."

"It is!" Harry insisted. "Wait til I see Ron again, he's never going to hear the end of this."

"I wonder what version of the story he would have told you."

"Oh either way he'd be the hero, that's for sure."

Draco smiled and said, "He was, he still is."

"Holy crap, you've got it bad."

"Yeah," Draco said, looking resigned, "I accepted I was a lost hope a long time ago."

Harry looked at him, struggling to see the spoilt brat he'd known at school in the stoic, straightforward man he was seeing in front of him. "You really do love him, don't you?" he asked gently, and Draco nodded without shame.

"I do. I don't know if I would have had the strength to turn away from my family without him."

"I…I think you're very brave," Harry ventured. "Sorry…I sound like twat. I don't mean to patronise you or anything, and I know you don't need any approval from me, but…"

"Potter, don't start hyperventilating," Draco said with a quirk of his eyebrow. "I appreciate the compliment. I haven't always felt so brave, I haven't always been very brave…hell I was downright awful but…I have a reason to fight now and…I want to be worthy of him. I want to be the man that he deserves."

Harry was stunned and he swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat. It was incredible to hear Draco speaking in such a way and Harry knew that all the childhood nonsense that had gone before simply didn't matter anymore.

"I should…let you rest," he said eventually, not wishing to make Draco continue with a conversation that could become quite uncomfortable if they weren't careful. "I'll be back up later with some dinner."

Draco nodded and said, "I meant it you know – you're a very good nurse."

Draco's recovery continued steadily and he was able to make it downstairs unaided and manage without Harry's help. Harry found it strangely pleasant spending time with him and they talked very amiably together. Draco was grateful for the help Harry gave him, and showed it, which was even stranger. In the week after he had first woken up, he and Harry spent nearly all day every day together and Harry found himself enjoying it.

There were moments though, moments that Draco thought he didn't see, where he could tell that, despite the man's recovery, he was troubled by what had happened. Harry still hadn't asked him and he got the distinct feeling that Draco didn't want to talk about it. He knew it must have been terrible and he could understand Draco being tormented by it.

He was cleaning up after dinner one evening, nearly two weeks after Draco had first been brought to Grimmauld, when he heard the floo go in the living room down the hall. He tried not to hope too hard that it was Severus returning and tried to school his face into a passive expression as he turned to face the doorway. It was all he could do not to let out a squeal of happiness when he saw Severus making his way into the kitchen.

"Hi," he said, every bone in his body screaming at him to go and hug the man.

Severus didn't respond but closed the distance between them in a couple of strides and grabbed the front of Harry's shirt, pulling him into a kiss that had Harry's head swimming. He responded eagerly, pulling his body tightly up against Severus' and revelling in how glorious it was to be back in the man's arms again, a grateful recipient of his exquisite kisses.

"I missed you," he whispered as Severus finally pulled back, resting his forehead against the man's. He drank in the closeness for a minute or two then moved back a step or two to look at him. "Did it go ok? Whatever it was you were doing? You look tired."

"Tired would be welcome compared to what I'm feeling," Severus said with a sigh. "We had some small success but not as much as we hoped. I must deliver my report to Dumbledore."

"Not tonight," Harry said firmly. "It can wait another few hours."

Severus nodded and said, "You're right. I haven't the energy for such a thing right now. How's Draco?"

"He's doing well," Harry replied, enjoying the feel of Severus' hands settling in the small of his back and the tenderness with which he was being held. "He has a bit of healing still to do but Ron did a damn good job."

"And the two of you haven't come to blows being shut up here together?"

"Surprisingly, no," Harry said with a smile. "I've…enjoyed having him around…in a weird kind of way. It's been nice to…have another heartbeat around. Sorry, that just sounds odd."

"Not odd at all," Severus assured him, "although I admit I'm surprised to find you existing so peacefully together."

"He's changed. We both have," Harry said simply. "I…wonder if you'd talk to him though."

"About what?"

"What happened to him. He hasn't said anything to anyone and I don't want to push him. He trusts you and you're…in a position to understand him more than other people. He hasn't said anything but I know he's troubled by it. I think he'd appreciate some support."

"You're right," Severus said softly, "you have changed." He tilted his head and pressed a soft kiss to Harry's lips, one that was so gentle it made Harry's stomach flutter, then said, "I'll go and talk to him."

"You'll come find me when you're done?" Harry asked hopefully, not wishing to pressure the man but desperate to spend some time with him.

"What do you think?" Severus asked with a raised eyebrow as he made his way out of the kitchen.

Harry smiled and finished clearing up the kitchen then retreated to his room with a small stack of books he'd been steadily working his way through. If he was entirely honest with himself he'd wanted Severus all to himself, to bask in the glow of having the man back after nearly two weeks apart, but he knew he couldn't be that selfish. Draco needed Severus more than he did at that moment and Harry knew that he didn't have a claim on the man more than anyone else, although sometimes it felt like he did.

He'd missed him so much that it felt like an ache. He felt like an arse for thinking that way, for being so bloody soppy, but he couldn't deny how he felt. He missed being in the man's arms, missed sleeping beside him, missed the conversations they had. He missed how complete he felt when they were together, how things didn't seem so hopeless when he was held close to the man's chest.

He couldn't deny that he was in love with the man but it was still almost too scary to truly contemplate. He had no idea how Severus felt and he didn't want to frighten the man off with something more serious than he'd signed up for. Severus himself had said that he didn't really do relationships and he hadn't given Harry indication that there was anything beyond sex between them. Still…he was tender and gentle, and when Harry was with him he felt like nothing else in the world mattered to the man but him.

It was a couple of hours later when he felt the wards around his room ripple and the door opened as Severus stepped through. "You keyed the wards to me?" the man asked, sounding surprised.

"It wasn't difficult."

"It would be for most witches and wizards," Severus argued.

Harry was about to come back with a pithy retort when he noticed how drawn and pinched Severus looked. "Come and sit down," he said, getting up from the desk and sitting on the edge of the bed, Severus joining him. "You look…troubled," he said softly, and Severus frowned as he looked down at the floor.

"Talking to Draco was…difficult," he said eventually, still not looking up, looking to Harry as though the weight of the world had been placed on his shoulders. He had a hollow kind of look on his face that Harry recognised all too well as a man who was haunted by things he couldn't ignore.

"It was bad?" Harry asked gently.

Severus nodded. "It was. It…hurt to think of him suffering so and…it brought back memories," he said, his voice strained.

"Memories? Of when you were unmasked as spy?"

There was a long, drawn-out pause but eventually Severus shook his head and said, "No. Memories of a different time."

"A different time?"

Severus took a deep breath and folded his hands in his lap, his frown deepening and his knuckles white. "After the Triwizard," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "I…was ordered to return to Voldemort's side. I had been…absent from the graveyard that night, as you know, and there were…consequences."

Harry swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry and his pulse uncomfortably quick. He'd known, at the time, that Dumbledore had ordered Severus back into Voldemort's service but he'd never considered the ramifications of that, of that fact that Severus hadn't been present at the bastard's glorious resurrection and that Voldemort's anger and retribution would be terrible.

"I was tortured for hours," Severus said, his face grey, his eyes distant as though he was no longer in the room with Harry. "He violated my mind countless times and I had to keep my shields up through the torture, to convince him that I was loyal and I was sorry. I spent that summer in…terrible servitude…the things I had to do…God it was awful. I've tried so hard to push those memories away but they all just came flooding back speaking to Draco."

Harry reached out and placed his hand over Severus' clenched ones. He didn't know what to say, indeed he wasn't sure if there was anything anyone could say in a situation like this; Severus had been through such horrors that words wouldn't be able to soothe the pain. "Would you like to lie down?" he asked gently. "Would you…like me to…hold you?" he ventured, feeling awkward and embarrassed but wanting to provide whatever comfort he could.

He thought Severus wasn't going to answer him. The man stayed frowning ahead for some time, as though Harry had never posed the question in the first place, but eventually he nodded, still not looking at Harry. They rearranged themselves on the bed and Severus rested against Harry's chest while Harry placed an arm around the man's shoulders. He was shorter than Severus but broader and the man fit quite snugly against Harry's side.

"No one's ever done this for me," Severus said, his voice resonating in the quiet of the room.

"Never?" Harry asked, thinking that it only been Severus who had held him in such a way.

Severus shook his head and Harry held him closer, wishing he could chase all the man's demons away, hoping that he could provide the man with just a modicum of the solace that he himself found within Severus' arms. The silence settled around them and Harry held Severus tightly against his heart, quietly harbouring the very tentative hope that they could be each other's support for a long time to come.

AN: I'll be taking the updates down to once a week from next week, just to give me time to catch up with writing the final couple of chapters. Hope you enjoyed this one, please leave a review and let me know.