***WARNINGS: Mild sexual assault in a dream sequence.
The hospital room was dark. The florescent lights above had been turned off for the night, and the only light came from out in the hallway where it filtered in through the curtained window. The room looked so much safer to her at at night somehow. Beth knew it was probably counter-intuitive. Darkness usually was more scary these days because you couldn't see what was coming. For Beth however, the bright hospital rooms held more memories for her; memories that flashed into her mind in a sharp spike when she saw the bright white walls, or when the lights above made a jar flash on the corner of a table or desk. The darkness was safer. It cared less memories. It was kind of like a cocoon.
She was laying on her side in the hospital bed, watching Daryl asleep in his chair. It had been nearly two weeks since Beth had been shot and somehow, he still hadn't left her side. Some part of her had been certain he would, had even been bracing for it. Never mind that he had never left her behind when it was just the two of them on their own... cause that was the point, it had only been the two of them. He hadn't left her behind because she was all that he had, his responsibility... right?
Except the whole group was basically in the hospital with them, and yet Daryl was still by her side, so how could that be the case?
Of course Beth remembered him telling her he wasn't gonna leave her, but a part of her had figured he was just... saying it. Which was dumb, now that her mind was more clear and she thought about it. Daryl Dixon didn't say things just to say them. He said it cause he meant it, and when Daryl promised you something, you knew he meant it. Beth knew that both logically and in her heart, but she still found herself studying him in the dimly lit room. Usually when he was sleeping someone else managed to 'conveniently' (aka at the request of one Mr. Dixon) show up to sit with her. At night though, he locked her room with just the two of them inside, so she could sleep the night in safety.
She'd been worn out today after he'd let her walk a lap around the entire fifth floor (with him at her side, of course, shooing away everyone who bugged her for too long). She'd fallen right to sleep, only to wake up a couple hours later. That happened a lot these days. Now that they weren't giving her pain meds nearly as often it was mostly up to her mind to allow her to sleep, and unfortunately her mind was a mess lately. If it wasn't nightmares it was anxiety, or just a sort of heavy feeling that seemed to drag her out of sleep.
At least she always woke up to Daryl beside her, holding her hand. His fingers were laced in her hand now, warm and somewhat limp with sleep. She studied his face as she stroked her thumb over the back of his hand and decided that the hospital room wasn't the only thing that looked different in the dark. Daryl always looked so much more peaceful in sleep, and yet there was also this odd sense of awareness about him. As if he were only just asleep, right on the edge, and he would wake up at the slightest hint of something wrong. She knew he would. She'd figured out how light of a sleeper he was when it had been just the two of them and sometimes all it took was her rolling over with a sigh for his eyes to flutter open.
(Beth also knew how badly he slept; that it was always for short periods of sometimes and that sometimes he had bad dreams. She didn't know because he'd told her, she knew because of the way he'd start to groan in his sleep sometimes and then wake up with a low rough noise, like he was choking back a shout or a cry. Beth never mentioned that to him, though. There were a lot of things about Daryl that it was safer to just keep to herself.)
Given how lightly she knew he slept, it came as no surprise when the weight of her gaze on him and the brush of her thumb over the back of his hand had his eyes fluttering open to look at her. She was struck for a moment by how blue his eyes were, even in the dim light that came in from the hallway. Her lips parted in a soft sigh, before they curved up to give him a soft smile.
"Hey." His low voice was even lower than usual and husky with sleep, and it sent a brief warm fizzle down her spine.
"Hey," Beth murmured back, her thumb still stroking his hand. "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."
"S'alright." He ran his free hand through his hair and looked her carefully over, his gaze missing nothing. "Can't sleep?"
"I dunno. I tried, but then I woke up feeling... Anxious, I guess." Beth bit at her lower lip, worrying it between her teeth as she tried to pinpoint the feelings that had dragged her out of sleep.
"Should try again." Daryl sat up a little straighter and leaned over the bed slightly to look down at her. "Ain't nothin' to be anxious about. I'm here, I'll make sure."
Beth hesitated just a second before a soft smile curved across her lips. "I know." She even made like she was going to give it a try, curling up a little more on her side and tugging the blanket up to her waist and settling her head into the pillow. Her eyes didn't close though, and the quiet only lasted a few minutes before Beth found herself saying in a slightly-worried voice, "I keep thinkin' you're gonna get... Tired. Of sitting here with me, I mean. Cause you can leave, if you really want, you know."
She felt Daryl tense briefly and risked a glance up at him. He was peering down at her more intently than before and she caught a glimpse of some unknown emotion in his eyes before it was quickly shuttered. When he spoke his voice was slow and careful, "Do y' want me to go?"
"No." She spoke so quickly it made her blush. She hadn't even thought before opening her mouth. But at least he'd know she meant it. Just in case, Beth added, "That's the last thing I want."
Now his brow furrowed as he looked down at her. "So why're ya askin', then?"
"Cause... I dunno. Cause I thought maybe you didn't really want to be stuck sitting here with me."
To her surprise, he snorted at her. Beth blinked up at him. "What?"
"You ever see me do somethin' I ain't wanted to?"
Beth paused for a moment to consider. "No."
"Alright, then."
It seemed settled, for Daryl anyway, but there must have been a hint of confusion lingering on Beth's face because after a few quiet moments he surprised her by speaking again. "I promised I'd stay by your side, an' I meant it. I don't break a promise. Even if I wanted to, even if I wanted t' leave." He waited just long enough to see her blink up at him, and then added in that slow, measured tone, "An' I don't wanna break it."
Daryl didn't say anything else, but for the moment he didn't need to. Beth could see it in his eyes right now as he looked down at her, and what she saw made those little butterflies unfurl wings in her belly. She knew that 'I don't want to break my promise' also meant 'I don't wanna leave you'. It wasn't just that he wanted to keep his promise; he wanted to be here. Next to her, all the time. Daryl Dixon wanted to be at her side.
The tension eased from Beth's face as she let a smile slowly curve up her lips just for him. He watched it for a few seconds longer than she was expected, his gaze lingering on her face and flickering down to her lips for just a moment before he gave her hand a squeeze. "Try t' get some sleep now, Greene. Tomorrow maybe we'll see if y' can lap the floor twice. If ya got it in y', anyway."
Beth took the playful challenge with a crinkle of her nose at him and a little laugh, but it was the look she'd seen in his eyes a few moments ago that lingered in her mind and soothed her as she let her eyes flutter shut and relaxed. As the tension went out of her, sleep claimed her, and as she drifted deeper, Beth began to dream...
Her fingers were laced in Daryl's as they walked side-by-side down the long hallway taking slow evenly matched strides together in silence. Once they passed by a room and she saw Rick and Maggie and Glenn inside and they stared and stared and stared at her, until she began to tremble, until Daryl turned his fierce gaze on them and they seemed to falter and then just fade visibly away. Beth hummed as she curled her fingers tightly in his and leaned against his side, completely lacking in self consciousness when she was with him like this. The hallway seemed to go on and on, and that was fine with her. She could walk like this forever, with him, down a brightly lit hallway where all that mattered was his hand in hers and the warmth of his body beside hers.
Above her, a light flickered.
Beth looked up and in that moment, everything went dark. In the darkness, hands reached for her from behind wrapping around her waist and yanking her back into darkness and empty space. She heard Daryl's voice shouting roughly in front of her: Beth! Beth! Beth! But the more he shouted the further away he sounded, and the more distant her voice, the more solid those arms around her felt.
The darkness lifted and she found herself in Dawn's office. The hands that been around her waist slid now to her hips and Beth felt her stomach churn as she felt the body pressing against her from behind. "No. No..." She reached down to push the hands away, but they curled tighter into her hips. One hand shifted down to slip under her shirt, and Beth groaned. "No. Stop. Please stop..." And from the silence behind her she heard a low, amused voice reply, "Don't fight it, Bethy."
Beth froze at the sound of that voice, that nickname, and the man behind her gave a low chuckle. "Good girl." Instantly she began to tremble and push at the hands that gripped her tight. "Now what are you doing, Bethy? I thought we were gonna work something out, here."
"No!" With a frantic sob, Beth reached desperately in front of her, searching for the jar she knew was supposed to be on this desk. But it wasn't there, nothing was there, her hands just slipping on the smooth surface and she heard the man behind her give another laugh as his hand slid up over her hips. "Aw come on, we both know you're not a fighter." Beth gave a strangled sob as she realized that the hands that pressed to her skin felt cold and clammy and kinda slick in a way, and there was a scent in the air she should be familiar with, something like copper and rot all hot in the air, and as a hand brushed up above her hip Beth gave a cry and spun around fast in her attacker's arms, shoving hard at his chest to no avail as her eyes trailed slowly up to his face...
And she saw Gorman, only Gorman was dead of course he was dead she'd killed him, she'd killed him, she'd killed him, not real not real but here he was all rotted and still grabbing at her, a gory split open gash on his face and blood everywhere, blood on his neck and blood down his uniform shirt and blood on his hands as they glided over her skin, and blood copper and cloying in the air, and then he opened his mouth and his breath was thick with the smell of rot as he breathed out, "Be sweet to me, Beth..."
Beth opened her mouth and screamed in terror-
-and woke up still screaming, fighting at the sheets which had become twisted around her legs as she tossed and turned in her nightmare. The sheets felt like hands, wrapping around her and sliding over her skin, and then she felt real hands grabbing her arms wrapping around her tightly, and Beth sobbed in terror and frustration and struggled against those arms until suddenly one voice cut through the dark haze of her nightmare and into her mind.
"Beth. Beth. Beth, it's me, please wake up, Beth it's me, it's Daryl, Beth."
She wasn't even sure how long he'd been pleading to get her attention before it cut through the nightmarish haze in her mind, and even now she was still crying, still shaking, but her hands finally shifted from trying to tear away the sheets and instead reached to clutch at his arm where it wrapped around her. Plaintive and terrified, filled with need, Beth whimpered just once, "Daryl..."
Before she could blink he had his arms sliding more gently around her and he was pulling her firmly against his chest instead of trying to help her snap out of her bad dream. "It's okay," he murmured in that gravelly voice, "M'here. M'right here. Ya gotta breathe, Beth. Just breathe."
Because he'd told her to, she dragged in a deep breath, and was instantly filled with the familiar scent of him (oldleatherandsweatandcigarettesanddirtandDarylohyes) and a shudder went through her body as she pressed trembled against him. "S'okay," he kept murmuring, keeping her wrapped up tightly and tucking her head under his chin. "S'okay. You're awake. Everything is okay."
"He was- He was dead but he was touching me, and-" She tried to get the words out but she could barely catch her breath, and they caught in her throat like claws trying to drag down and silence her.
"Shhh. Ya don't gotta tell me if you can't, Beth. S'okay, I'm here. Just keep breathin' for me, girl."
She could do that, or at least she was pretty sure she could. She knew he believed she could, and so that was what Beth focused on. She just breathed. In and out, in and out, in and out. His arms never faltered, never even moved except perhaps to tug her closer or smooth a hand down her back. At first she thought the panic would never fade, but eventually it began to, especially when she realized she could feel the rise and fall of his chest. The trembling of her body slowed, her breathing began to even out to match his, and soon she became more aware of the pair of them and how they had fit themselves together.
He was standing against the side of the bed with his knees pressed to the edge of it. Somehow he had pulled her up onto her knees, too, so she was leaning forward and pressed against his chest. His arms held her tightly and hers had been tucked against her stomach but now shifted to wrap around his waist as she rested her cheek to the warm shirt that covered his chest and breathed slowly in and out.
It was a few more minutes before Daryl spoke again, and then only to say, "S'good, Beth. That's perfect. Just keep doin' that, okay?"
Beth nodded, not trusting herself to speak yet.
"Good."
For a good ten minutes they just stood there like that, her wrapped up in his arms and letting him hold her close and remind her to breathe. When he eventually moved to guide her back down onto the bed, Beth instinctively began to move with him. But the moment she realized he'd have to let her go in order to do it, she clung to him even tighter instead. "Please- Please, don't-"
"Shhh." He stopped immediately, even though it had him leaning over her on the bed a bit awkwardly. "S'okay still, Beth. I told y' I ain't goin' anywhere."
There was a long moment of silence and when Beth spoke her voice was broken and plaintive again as she pleaded, "Then please don't let go."
To her surprise she felt a shudder go through his body but she didn't know why. She knew her words could have an effect on him but not like that, and before she could think about it more he said simply, "Okay." For a few more moments she leaned into him, sensing he was thinking something over. "Think yer okay with me lettin' go for just a couple seconds?"
When her only response was a faint shiver, Daryl gave a low hum. His arm slid from around her but only so he could carefully grip her hand. "S'alright. Can do it this way instead." Beth thought maybe he'd just sit down at the edge of the bed next to her and put his arm around her or something. She certainly didn't expect him to climb right onto her bed and sit himself up with his back against the pillows and his legs stretching out in front of him. He looked awkward for only a moment until he leaned casually back, almost the same way she'd seen him lean against a tree trunk or against the wall when he was stretched out on some floor. It kinda made her want to smile and she might have if she wasn't still trembling a bit.
"C'mere," he said gruffly. When she only raised a quizzical eyebrow at him, he gestured to his side. "Ain't gonna offer twice, girl." He was playing it all casual and a part of Beth knew it was just the only way he knew how to play it. She even kinda appreciated it. It wasn't like Daryl Dixon was gonna sweet talk her or tell her to come cuddle up to him. If he had she probably would have fallen off the bed in shock. Just the thought had the very faintest of smiles finally tugging at the corners of her lips before Beth shifted to climb up the bed and lay down beside him.
He kept a hold on her right hand and when she lay down next to him he used the grip to draw his arm around her back and hold her close. Beth hesitated a moment and then tucked herself against his slide slowly and carefully. Her cheek pressed to his chest and her knees nudged his leg and after a very long pause Beth gently and cautiously let her hand come to rest on his belly. Her touch was feather light as if she were waiting for him to protest so she could snatch her hand away. Given that this was probably the closest she'd ever been to Daryl Dixon, and given that he didn't seem to be at all the cuddling type (or, you know, the touching type at all usually), she wouldn't have been surprised if he'd instantly pulled away. When all he did was give a faint grunt (not the discontented grunt, and yeah, Beth knew the difference between quite a few of his grunts) her hand settled a bit more firmly and she relaxed a little against him.
Both of them were quiet for a few moments; Daryl perhaps unsure of what to do or say, and Beth just letting herself soak it in. In the end it was he who broke the silence with a quiet and slightly gruff, "Ain't too good at things like this. Don't mean I don't wanna try, y' know. If y' need it. Y' just gotta be patient with me."
"I dunno," Beth breathed out with a faint little smile he wouldn't be able to see. "You're doing pretty well right now."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Beth felt his fingers curl a little tighter in hers, giving her permission to relax a little bit more against him, and she knew it was alright.
Though the quiet was nice, a part of her wanted to tell him about her nightmare. Maybe it was like poison festering inside of her, and she had to let it out like she'd seen someone do on some wildlife show once, a man just sucking the poison right out of a bite. The problem was that she didn't know if she could. The problem was she couldn't find the words. The problem was... well, the problem was that a very small but very scared part of her was thinking that if she told him, then the way he looked at her would change. He would know, and he would look at her differently, maybe even pityingly or badly, and she didn't think she could stand that.
Unaware that she had been opening and closing her mouth as if starting to speak and then stopping herself, Beth was surprised when she heard Daryl murmured, "S'okay."
She tilted her head back to peer up at him, confused, and he answered before she could ask, "Y' don't have to tell me what ya dreamed about. Ain't none of my..." He stopped, even though she knew what he had been about to say. His forehead wrinkled for a moment as if he were actively trying to stop himself from speaking in a more habitual way, and then he exhaled a sigh and looked down at her. "Y' can tell me when yer ready to. Or never at all. Either way I still ain't going nowhere."
It was silent again as she considered that for a minute. Her eventually reply was a nod, but then a second later Beth added, "But we should."
"Should what?" He gave her his confused look, or what she mentally referred to as 'don't know what you're talking about, girl, so I'm just gonna narrow my eyes at you till you spit it out' look. It made her smile again just faintly. "We should go. I mean, all of us. We should get out of this place."
He didn't say anything but he was studying her face and Beth was surprised to see that there was a new look in his eyes. Not measuring but... Respectful and believing, maybe. Like he wasn't just hearing her but listening and taking her opinion into account. It had her emboldened, enough to go on, "We should leave as soon as we can. I know we've got some kind of tense truce going on right now, Daryl, but... But it won't last. This place isn't safe."
"No?"
"No. They're not safe. The people here, the ones that run it." A shiver went through her spine and she felt his arm snake tighter around her and hold her closer to chase it away, giving her the courage to keep going. "They're bad people, Daryl. They're bad people who like to use people, and trap them, and- and do bad things to them." There was no way she could get across the full gravity of the situation with words right now, because speaking about this place meant speaking about the horrors she'd endured and she just couldn't do it, she just could not bring herself to speak them yet.
Maybe that shown in her eyes, or maybe it just didn't even matter to him if she gave him more detail than that. Daryl studied her face for one second longer and then gave a slow nod. "Alright," he said in that low, raspy voice. "Then we'll leave."
"As soon as we can?" Beth couldn't hide the plaintive note that slipped into her voice.
"As soon as we can," He replied, and she felt reassured just hearing it.
"Okay then."
Now it was Daryl's turn to faintly smile. "Yeah, okay then." He squeezed her hand. "Why don't y' try to get some more sleep, Greene." He paused just a beat and then seemed to hasten to add, "Or just rest. S'okay if you just wanna rest."
Beth settled against him again and though her breathing slowed, she didn't go back to sleep. She didn't think she could. But after a few minutes of quiet, she did murmur, "Daryl?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you."
He shifted above her and reached to tip up her chin and look into her eyes. "Ain't no need for y' to thank me. Wasn't gonna let y' stay scared like that."
"Well I'm still saying thank you anyway," she added stubbornly and then, before he could argue, "And no take backs!" She said it so quickly that it caught him by surprise, and when his eyes widened Beth gave him her first genuine smile since she'd woken up from her nightmare.
He shook his head and snorted, and then just nudged her head back to his chest. And even though she hadn't thought she'd be able to fall asleep, it wasn't long before the warmth of his body and the safety of his embrace had her drifting off again. This time, though, there were no nightmares.
It was like they couldn't penetrate the safety of his arms.