As the last of the group slipped into the room, Rick reached out to close it behind them and turn the lock with a 'click' before turning to look them over with a studying gaze that Daryl returned easily. Minus Rosita, who was currently in Eugene's room keeping watch, every last member of their newly reformed group was currently fit (a bit tightly) into Beth's room. They covered almost every surface, filling the clean white room with shifting bodies, albeit ones far less dirty and smelly than usual considering the hospital's working showers.
Daryl still didn't like it, mostly because he knew Beth didn't like it. From the moment they'd first begun to filter into her room for the meeting, he'd seem the tension rising in the lines of her body again. At first it was just Michonne, in her usual seat against the wall. Then Rick and Carl came in, and though Carl gave Beth a smile that she returned faintly, Daryl saw the way her shoulders tightened. When Tyreese came in right after them, Sasha at his side and Judith in his arms, Beth actually trembled a little.
It was for Judith that time, he knew that. He hadn't seen Beth hold her once since the group had reunited. Two weeks had gone by, and despite the fact that he'd offered once (and so had Rick), Beth had just shaken her head and hid her trembling hands in the sheets, same as she was now. Later, the night after she'd said no a second time, he'd been holding her hand as she lay in bed again. He hadn't asked her about it, but most of the time he didn't really need to ask her things out loud. She knew what he was wondering, and he knew that if she was ready to answer him, she would. His heart had ached a little when she'd said that Judith was better with Tyreese now, that he was good with her, and she was just happy to see the little girl alive, still. That it was okay.
He knew that was a lie. He knew she itched to hold that little girl in her arms and make her smile. He also had a little bit of an inkling that maybe she was scared to. He could see it in her eyes, and it hurt him, but at the same time he got it. Cause if anyone understood what it felt like to think you were unworthy of something, unworthy of holding or touching something so pure and innocent, than it was Daryl. In his mind though, Beth would never be unworthy of anything like that.
Her hands were trembling again now as he watched her try to slide them under the sheets. His own feelings of unworthiness were tucked away in a corner somewhere now, because Beth needed him and frankly, what she needed was more important than his own feelings of inadequacy about giving it to her. Ignoring the eyes of the group he reached out and took her hand, curling it safely inside of his own. It was more than worth it to see the grateful look in her eyes when he squeezed her hand tightly.
Though a part of him deep down inside wanted to climb up into the bed with her and hold her safe in his arms the way he had the other night, he couldn't bring himself to do it in front of everyone. (Even if he hadn't stopped thinking about it since it happened two nights ago, since she'd drifted to sleep in his arms and he'd fallen asleep with her, the best sleep he'd had in weeks, maybe even months, until he'd awoken to Michonne looking down at him with a faint smirk and a knowing expression in her eyes.) It was an urge even harder to resist when Maggie and Glenn came into the room and headed towards them. Maggie's eyes had narrowed at him, but all he really cared about was how Beth's whole body tensed up and how her breathing got short and tight when Maggie leaned down and wrapped her arms around her unmoving sister in a tight hug.
Why didn't Maggie see? Why didn't any of them see? They were always in here touching her like she was the same Beth they'd known months ago at the prison. They all leaned in for hugs or to squeeze her arm, or reached out to gently rub her back or grab her when she walked past, like it was nothing, like it was just normal, and somehow Daryl seemed to be the only one who saw the way Beth reacted. The light touches had her eyes going wide, the pupils dilating until there was more black than blue. Her body would go tense if they gripped her arm, and if their arms wrapped around her she would start to breathe all shortly, like she couldn't quite get the breaths in and out right. Like there wasn't enough air anymore.
He wasn't dumb, despite what people would think. He'd seen people get hurt before, in his dark past where the people around him seemed to get hurt almost just as much as people did these days. He'd seen how someone who had been abused could get like this, afraid of touch and brought to panic if it came when it wasn't welcome. His brain made the connection between then and now, and he knew.
Beth didn't like to be touched by anyone, anymore, if she wasn't ready for it.
Except for him. She'd never flinched when he touched her, never tensed or panicked when he curled his fingers in hers or drew her to his chest. Not once. At first he didn't really understand why. If anyone should scare her after what she'd been through, shouldn't it have been him? With his big rough dirty hands, and his firm touch? He was far from gentle, after all, and so far from innocent that sometimes he thought just touching her with his dirty hands might sully her perfect skin.
And yet...
And yet she wasn't afraid. And yet she seemed to need his touch sometimes. And he remembered when he had been just like her. Still was, sometimes. He wasn't the touching type. He didn't need to hug or even squeeze hands or arms like everyone else in the group seemed to do. He brushed off affectionate touches, he generally shied away from any show of affection in general. The Dixons had never been an affectionate family, after all. His father's hands had been more inclined to hit and punch than to gently squeeze, and his mother was more inclined to caress a bottle of whiskey than her son's young cheeks.
Hugs had been a thing Daryl Dixon was entirely unfamiliar with, frankly. Until Beth. Until the prison cell when he'd told her that her boyfriend was dead and she'd hugged him in concern, fitting her slender body against his chest and wrapping her arms around him to ask if he was okay. Until the moonshine shack and her thin gentle arms wrapped around his waist, and the press of her body first hard against his back and how she'd been just a warm presence, holding him tight as he cried the poisonous memories out from the deep well inside of him. Until the weight of her in his arms as he scooped her up unexpectedly in the funeral home, her laughter in his ear as he carried her into that candle-lit kitchen with a veritable feast laid out on the table.
(Until the heavy, not-dead weight of her in his arms as he'd lifted her up, her blood dripping onto his arm and her breath, her exhaling breath in his ear, and the surging perfect knowledge that she was alive.)
No, he didn't mind her touch at all. (Sometimes a part of him even thought he needed it.) Maybe it was the same for her. Maybe his touch was, somehow, the same for her. (Maybe she didn't even care if his hands were rough and dirty and not good enough.) If she needed his, then he wasn't going to question it, let alone complain.
Daryl knew she needed it now from the way her fingers curled against his tightly as Maggie pulled silently back. Her and Glen moved to lean against the wall near Beth's bed, and the rest of the group filed in to fill the small space. Carol came up near him on the other side of the bed, standing behind the chair he sat in that had taken up residence right beside Beth's bed. Noah was with her, and he gave Beth a smile that she actually managed to faintly return, causing Daryl's trust in the newest member of their group to climb a tiny notch higher. Having trusted Eugene to Rosita's watch, Abraham came in with Tara trailing behind him. The massive red-haired man had a presence that seemed to take up as much space as his body, even if it had been diminished a bit since the revelation about Eugene. He seemed almost a bit hollow at times, at least to Daryl's eyes, as if he were still reeling both from Eugene's revelation and what he'd done after.
(Daryl didn't tell him he'd kind of thought they were all stupid for believing Eugene in the first place. It had been Beth that had taught him how important hope was for people to survive.)
Tara came around to stand near Maggie and Glenn, and though she smiled at Beth the girl only managed a tiny tight smile in return. Her breathing was all short again and it occurred to Daryl suddenly that it was like she couldn't find enough air to drag into her lungs. Like all the people being in the room with her were sucking the air from it or something, leaving less for her to breathe. As Rick had leaned out to call Father Gabriel in, Daryl leaned over the bed so he was closer to Beth's ear. He didn't care that everyone was watching, but their being nosy didn't give them any right to hear what he said to her.
"Ya gotta breathe, girl. Remember?" She looked at him and he felt something growl protectively inside of him at the sight of all that black blotting out her cornflower blue eyes. "In and out," he murmured low and rough, hoping his words would guide her. "In-" She breathed in and he nodded, "-and out." She exhaled and followed him again, in and out a few more times until some of the tension eased and he saw that perfect blue regaining a little more control in her eyes.
"There ya go," he said with a squeeze of her hand, and just knowing she was breathing better was all the reward he needed, although her tiny smile wasn't so bad either.
He leaned back into his seat but didn't let go of her hand, but the thought entered his mind that she really needed to get out of this place, even more than she realized. Not just because the hospital and the people in it were dangerous. Because she was stuck in here, trapped in a place with bad memories and walls that seemed to close in on her, especially when they were filled with people she didn't quite feel she knew anymore.
She would feel better outside, surrounded by trees and dirt and open air. Just like him. Just another thing they had in common, added to a list that was far longer than he'd ever expected it could be.
"Daryl thinks we need to make plans to get going soon, and I agree," Rick finally began, his gravelly voice carrying easily in the small room. "These people have helped us, but we all know that doesn't mean they're safe."
Rick's glance strayed to Beth, and while she didn't speak she didn't quail away from him either. She just met his gaze and nodded, and Daryl felt a faint twinge of pride as he squeezed her hand again.
"But there's a problem," Rick started again, "Eugene."
Abraham's voice was quieter than usual, heavy with complex emotions Daryl couldn't entirely pinpoint. Guilt, at the least. He knew how guilt sounded. "He isn't healed enough yet. He isn't ready to go."
Rick nodded. "But the longer we stay here, the more of a risk it is. Which means we have only a few options. Stay here, risk it as long as we can, and wait for Eugene to heal." He shifted in place. "Leave and bring him with us and hope he can heal on the road, or-"
"He'll hold us back." That was Michonne, blunt and honest as always, though at least she looked a bit apologetic about it.
Tyrese, soft but firm as he held Judith by the door, chimed in, "It's not like we haven't traveled with someone injured before. We managed fine. We helped each other out." Sasha smiled gently at his side, but there was a sadness in her eyes. Daryl wondered if she was thinking about Bob, and his leg. Daryl hadn't been there when it had happened, but he'd heard the stories. And he knew, or at least he felt pretty sure, that if Bob hadn't been bit they would have found a way to bring him with them.
"He can barely walk." That was Maggie, harsher than usual, her words causing Beth to look up at her with narrowed eyes before Maggie added, "It might make him worse, bringing him along. He almost didn't make it here at all-" Her gaze shifted just briefly to Abe before it moved back to Rick, "-It'd be better for him to stay here, until he was stronger."
Rick nodded, as Daryl felt Beth relax just faintly next to him. "And if we do that, then what? Then we all stay here with him, waiting, hoping this hospital full of cops with guns don't change their mind, and decide they aren't okay having us around after we killed their leader?"
"What else?" Carol asked, soft and quiet from behind him. "What other choice do we have?"
There was a measured silence, and Rick's voice was clipped as he spoke, "We could leave him behind."
The words barely registered before there was a roar of anger from Abe, who lurched at Rick only to be stopped by Michonne, stepping in front of him with her hand on her blade and a warning flashing in her dark eyes.
The whole room was so silent it felt heavy, like it was weighing down on all of their shoulders and pressuring them to make a choice. He wondered who would speak first, and he figured it would be Rick. He didn't look forward to that as much as he might have in the past, because these days, Rick's plans didn't fill himself with the same sense of rightness that they once had. The man he'd once grown to trust had changed. The old Rick never would have suggested what he just had. The old Rick would never have said what Rick was probably about to say, would never have tried to convince them to leave a man behind like Daryl was pretty sure Rick was about to. He just wish he knew if Rick meant it. It used to be he could always tell what Rick was thinking, what his plan was. Now he couldn't tell if the man really meant it, or if he was goading them, challenging them to collectively deny that suggestion.
To his surprise, the voice that finally cut into the silence wasn't Rick's at all. It was Beth's. At first it was just a simple and firm, "No." The whole room of people turned to look at Beth, as if no one was sure that word had come from her. She rarely spoke these days, except to Daryl.
He thought she would falter under the weight of their combined gazes, but she had that thin core of steel inside of her. He knew that, even if no one else did. His girl was the strongest girl he knew. (Sometimes he couldn't help thinking of her as his girl, despite knowing it was probably impossible. It sounded natural in his head, as natural as the doubt that always followed.)
"No," she said again, holding Rick's gaze. "We're not leaving anyone in this place. He won't survive here without us. The moment we're gone, they'll kill him." Daryl saw Abraham shudder out of the corner of his eyes, but he couldn't look away from Beth. She was sitting up straight in the bed and those cornflower blue eyes were somehow cold as ice and yet burning with a fire inside at the same time. She was like... Like one of them goddesses, from the Greek myths they'd learned about in school before he'd dropped out. He'd had a whole book of stories about them until his Dad had found it and laughed, calling him some 'smart sissy' and throwing the book in the fire.
But not before he'd read them all first, devoured every story he could about Gods and Goddesses and their fierce power and beauty. She was like that, right now. Always really, but especially like that. Sometimes she reminded him of the ones they called 'hearth' goddesses, all about the home and warmth and joy and birth and new things growing out of the dark and fertile soil. Other times she was like a warrior goddess, fierce and powerful and strong, slaying anyone or anything that got in her way. She was like all of them. Capable of causing destruction but also of bringing life, inspiring both terror and love, sometimes at the same time. She was... Everything. And he was enraptured.
"They're only still helping him cause we're here, making them. Soon as we're gone they'll decide he's too weak to waste supplies on, and they'll kill him. Like they were gonna do to Carol." Daryl couldn't tear his gaze away from the girl- no, woman- in front of him, but he felt the weight of Carol's hand on his shoulder and knew Beth had her support. "If we leave him here, he is dead. Don't you get that?"
"But he's wounded, if we take him with us-" Rick seemed caught off guard by Beth's unexpected defiance, and his words only seemed to rouse more fierceness in her as she pushed ahead, "We don't leave behind our own." Her gaze shifted from him, to Michonne, to Maggie, boring into her sister's eyes for a moment before they moved back to pin Rick in place. "It don't matter if they're weak. It don't matter if you think they'll hold us back. Leaving them behind, that is what will hold us back. Cause it'll change us." Daryl saw Father Gabriel shifting in the corner of his eye, as if something in Beth's words pulled inside of him.
"If we choose to leave him behind, if we start picking and choosing who to save, then we ain't no better than them. We are them. Or we'll become them, eventually. Treating people like their only worth is how useful we think they are. Finding people we can manipulate into following us, doing what we want. That ain't us." Daryl watched her drag in a deep shuddering breath. "Or it didn't used to be."
He dimly realized that she was clutching his hand like a lifeline, as if his touch was helping to anchor her, to give her the strength she needed to get this out. He wondered if she knew the strength was all inside her, burning like a bright flame, strong as a column of steel or stone, making her tongue fierce as a whip, and that all he was doing was making her feel safe enough for the moment to let it out.
When she finally spoke again her voice was hushed, but no less firm. "You wouldn't leave Carol behind, you wouldn't leave Michonne, you definitely wouldn't leave Carl. It don't matter if Eugene lied to us. It don't matter if he's weak, like- like you all thought I was, too." He didn't think she'd meant to say that, cause her voice caught on the words and a shudder went down her spine until he curled both his hands around hers and leaned in over the bed to be closer to her, giving her the anchor she needed to breath in and finish, "We're supposed to be good. Good people don't leave their family behind. So we ain't gonna leave Eugene."
It seemed she had finally gotten out all she wanted to say, and Daryl was right there as some of that adrenaline went out of her and she slumped back a little on the bed. He held her hands tightly and leaned his shoulder against hers, and when she looked over at him he could just feel the admiration and pride shining in his eyes for her. This girl.
(If they ever found a bookstore, he was gonna ransack it and find a book like the one he'd had before. He was gonna find a list of all those goddesses and maybe write her name down at the very top, because she was better than every last one of them. Maybe cause she was real. Or maybe because she was right here with him.)
Daryl took a moment to make sure he was okay before looking out at the group again and realizing that things had subtly shifted. Abraham had come to stand by the bed, looking briefly down at Beth with a grateful look on his face and a gruff noise that he figured was the man's way of thanking her. Daryl would have expected that finding out Eugene had lied would have made Abraham want nothing to do with him, honestly. Then again, the man had spent a long time trying to defend him, and from what he'd hurt, guilt had been just one of the things on top of a long list of burdens Abraham had faced after almost beating Eugene to death. Maybe it was guilt, keeping him from wanting the man to die. Maybe he didn't want to know that his hands had caused a man's death.
Tara had eased a little closer too, and though Maggie and Glenn stayed where they were, it was on Beth's side of the room and no closer to Rick. Carol still had her hand on his shoulder where she stood behind him, and as he watched, Noah came around Carol's side to sit down at the end of Beth's bed, although he was careful not to sit on her legs. Father Gabriel was far more awkward about it, clearing his throat before shifting closer to their new group. Michonne looked torn, her gaze moving from the girl to Rick and back again. Carl, of course, stayed by Rick's side. No one expected any less. Tyreese seemed focused on Judith cooing in his arms, but Daryl couldn't help noticing he'd taken a few steps towards where Daryl sat, and Sasha had come with him.
There was that same look in Rick's eyes that Daryl had seen back in the workplace, when he'd taken Tyreese's side instead of Rick's own. It was like the man was shocked, stunned, and maybe a little angry, but also measuring and considering at the same time. He looked over his group and gave them all a slow nod, accepting their decision. Daryl still couldn't read him. Maybe he hadn't really wanted to leave Eugene behind. It was hard to know for certain. He wanted to believe that Rick had been challenging them, playing devil's advocate to chase the right response out of them, but... Well, it was hard to read anyone these days. Especially Rick, who he knew had changed so much more than he could have expected.
Daryl figured everyone knew that his support was with Beth, but he couldn't help trying his broken best to follow behind her fierce and shining example. "Beth is right," he said roughly, unable to speak as rightly as she did, but not needing to."We ain't leaving him here. But we can't stay, either. It ain't safe, and we all know it. Maybe not all of those cops are bad, but..."
His eyes narrowed briefly at the window, blocked by blinds that allowed a faint hint of movement to be glimpsed from beyond. He'd seen the way certain of the cops gathered in little clumps and talked in low voices, probably about them. Sometimes about Beth, he knew, cause once he'd heard them say her name under his breath. He knew they watched her whenever she was outside her room, their gazes following her and lingering on her in a way that Beth always seemed to feel. He remembered the way she would press close to him and tremble a little whenever it happened, even as she looked them full in the eyes and glared back at them, refusing to take their stares. Just last night he'd caught one of them coming into the room. Daryl had been in his chair, eyes slitted in a way that probably looked closed in the dark room. Beth had been asleep beside him, napping in bed, and the cop had come right up to the door and taken a step inside. His hard gaze had been on Beth, and so it took him a moment to notice that Daryl had opened his own eyes and had them fixed on the cop, hand on his knife as he sat up slowly but menacingly in his seat. The cop had turned and left, but Daryl had memorized his face, and he knew Beth was right. They weren't safe in here much longer.
Those thoughts raced through his mind in a second of pause, and then he looked right into Rick's eyes and said firmly, "Some of them are bad. Don't even need Beth to tell me that, t' know it's true. Although she has told me, and I trust her word."
He heard Beth's breathing hitch faintly at his vocalized trust in her, and the corner of his lip twitched briefly but he didn't look away from Rick just yet, although he did let more of his hands cup hers a little more firmly.
The other man was quiet for a long moment, the two of them holding each others gazes. They might not have always been on the same page lately, but the trust between them was deep. Daryl knew that Rick could be a good leader, regardless of the pressure he was under and how it had been changing him lately. And Rick knew that Daryl would have his back, if he were in the right.
Finally Rick gave a slow nod. "Alright." He sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Alright, then. We won't leave him." He looked at Carl and then at Judith, who was playing with a cup and gurgling to herself, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the air or the weight of her father's gaze on her as he added, "Then I guess we gotta decide when we're leaving. And where we're going, when we do."
Daryl finally tugged his gaze away from Rick's, only to find Beth looking at him with a warmth in her eyes that would have floored him if he hadn't gotten himself under control as quick as he could. He couldn't let a room full of people see how that warm look in her eyes made his insides turn like butter, all hot and melted and surging in his veins. But the corners of his lips turned up just faintly again, and they held each others gazes for just a moment before Beth turned to look at the foot of the bed,
Noah was still sitting there, looking up at her. Daryl watched the two of them and realized there was a silent question being asked, one that had Beth slowly giving an encouraging nod. As Noah turned away, Beth shifted to lean into Daryl a little more, and she sighed out some of her tension as her new friend began, "Before I got here, I was staying in a place, in Virginia. My Mom is there, and we had good, strong walls..."
...
By the time nearly an hour had passed, the group had made a some semblance of a plan. They would leave in two days, giving Eugene another couple days to get stronger, and Rick some time to bargain for supplies from the hospital. No one was sure if they'd be given any, but Beth had suggested the best men for them to ask. She'd also spoken up again, in a voice that had been tremulous before Daryl had squeezed her hand, suggesting they offer again to let anyone who wanted to come with them. Especially those who weren't cops, those who had been caught here as much as she had.
Rick had considered it and given a nod, and soon everyone was filing out of the room with plans to start getting things ready. Daryl studied Beth for a moment, his eyes tracing over the sunny blonde hair that she'd pulled back into a ponytail to make it easier for the Doctor to apply the much smaller bandage now covering her gun shot wound. His gaze lingered on her cheeks and the color they seemed to regain more and more as people began to filter out of the room. He couldn't help noticing how the tension eased from her bit by bit as the room emptied.
Just as she turned to him with a questioning look, Daryl shifted off his seat with one last squeeze to her hand. "Be right back."
"Daryl-"
He wasn't gonna leave her room, though. Of course he wasn't. He just wanted to stop Tyreese before he left. "Hey, hold up." The larger man turned towards him with a quizzical expression as Daryl stopped in front of him. He shuffled his foot on the ground just once, but the thought of the sweet girl sitting behind him on her bed as him asking a little gruffly, "Can we... Keep Judith, just for a little bit?"
As soon as he asked, Tyreese's expression softened. His warm dark eyes shifted to look at Beth before bouncing back to Daryl, and there was a hint of an understanding expression in his eyes when they did. "Course you can," Tyreese said simply, as Daryl felt relief uncurl inside of him. "As long as y' want." Though then he seemed to think about it for a moment, and maybe Tyreese was more perceptive than Daryl had given any of them credit for, because he glanced over at Beth one more time and then said, "How 'bout I stop by again, in 'bout a half hour or so? See if Judith is hungry?"
Daryl, grateful that the man seemed to understood, just nodded. And before Beth could say anything in protest from behind him, he was taking the girl into his arms and turned back to the bed as Tyreese left. The room was finally empty, just him and Beth again, alone except for the baby (toddler, really) in his arms. She was a hell of a lot heavier than he remembered, and he chuckled as he shifted her in his arms. "Lil'Asskicker is gettin' big, fast."
He glanced up just in time to catch the faint hint of amusement that crossed Beth's face before worry and fear replaced it and he saw her hands start to tremble. "Don't," he said gruffly, cutting off the protests he knew were about to spring to her lips. "This little girl missed you," he said, keeping the end of that sentence (and you missed her, too) silent for now.
If he thought what he was about to do was going to hurt her or trigger her in any way, there wasn't a chance he would have done it. Daryl would have hurt himself in a heartbeat rather than cause any pain to the strong-yet-fragile girl sitting on the bed before him. He knew this wasn't going to hurt her. He knew the difference between the way she tensed and panicked at the touch of people besides him, and the way her hands shook when she looked at Judith with longing deep in her blue eyes. He knew she wanted this. No, he knew she needed this, even if she didn't want to admit it.
So he crossed the distance between them and held Judith under her arms to lower her down into Beth's lap, and just as he'd expected, Beth only hesitated a moment. Just one second, one flicker of anxious worry, one dark hint of not-worthy, and her hands curled gently around Judith's tiny waist. "Hello, sweet pea." Judith looked up at her, a little smile on her chubby-cheeked face. "Oh, you've gotten so big, little one." Judith's mouth opened wide with a flash of pink gums and then she was burbling away, happy as she always seemed to be. Beth seemed to tremble, but not in panic anymore. No, this was the tremble of tension easing away, of something un-knotting inside of her as she reached down and wrapped her arms around the little toddler just as tightly as was safe to.
Daryl watched as she buried her face against Judith's sweet, downy-soft hair and breathed in deep only to exhale in a whisper, "I missed you, sweet girl." He felt that warmth swirling around inside of him, swelling up to fill him whole and banish away even the slightest hint of the self-doubt that liked to dig it's claws deep into his belly and heart. Even that self doubt couldn't hold up in the face of Beth Greene, smiling down at that little baby, her whole face lighting up as Judith began to coo and burble and play with her hair.
Yeah. He'd done a good thing.
...
Later, after Judith had gone back to Tyreese (but only after Beth had asked to spend some time with her tomorrow, much to Daryl's pleasure), and after they'd taken a walk together around the hospital floor, they found themselves back in her room again with the door shut and locked for the night. She seemed the most relaxed she'd been all day, and he knew that was not only because of her time with Judith but also the way she'd been able to speak up at the meeting today.
Rather than laying under the sheets, Beth was sitting on top of them with her jean-clad legs tucked up underneath her. She'd refused to wear scrubs again, though Doctor Edwards had offered the day after she'd started walking around her room again. Daryl himself had refused to let her wear the yellow shirt that was stained with blood from the day he'd almost lost her forever, and he didn't think she'd have worn it anyway, even if he hadn't protested. But they hadn't had many choices, here. To his surprise it had been Rosita who had unexpectedly offered her an extra t-shirt to wear. Daryl hadn't even thought she had anything other than those cut-off tank-tops she was always wearing, but she'd come brusquely into the room and offered Beth a simple, fitted gray t-shirt. "Figured we were about the same size," she'd said as she handed her the shirt, and joked, "Though I thought you'd prefer one I hadn't cut half the bottom off, yet."
(Beth had said thanks and actually laughed softly, but for the rest of the day Daryl couldn't stop thinking about Beth in a little cropped shirt, with the smooth pale skin of her belly exposed, sweet and so tempting that just the image made his hand twitch with a need to touch it.)
Now she wore that shirt with her old jeans, torn up but mercifully free of blood, and she looked comfortable, although he found himself thinking as he watched her that the first place they found with clothes, he'd get her something better to wear. Something yellow, like her hair. Like her smile.
It took him a moment to realize she was looking at him too. Daryl looked up and their eyes met, and to his surprise the studious way she was looking over at him had him flushing faintly. He scrubbed his hand over the back of his neck and asked gruffly, "What?"
Beth watched him for a moment longer, making him shift in his seat. She didn't know what her stare could do to him. This wasn't even the real intense one, the one that looked through him and right into his soul and saw everything that he was and ever had been. But it was still intense under the weight of her eyes, that perfect blue lingering on his skin and tracing over the lines of his face almost as lightly as he imagined her fingers might. She didn't know how it made his breath hitch a bit, or how his chest got a little tight, or how sometimes (just sometimes) he wondered if she'd still look at him like that if he told her it made him want to kiss her.
(The few times he'd thought it he'd shoved it right away, cause a guy like him had no right kissing someone as perfect as her, okay?)
He was just about to ask her 'what' again, when she gave him with one of those slow, sweet smiles. "You need a haircut."
And of course he couldn't protest, not when she was looking at him like that. Which was how he ended up with his chair scooted up right onto the bed and her sitting in front of him on the edge of the bed, her legs on either side as she held scissors in her hand and curled a length of dark greasy hair through her fingers. He tried not to think about how if she moved just an inch or so forward she might slip off the bed and into his lap. He tried even harder not to think about how easy it might be to reach up and grab her thighs and pull her down all on his own.
Her face was so close to his as she began to gently trim his hair, starting with the hair that always hung into his eyes. Close enough that her breath grazed his skin again as she spoke, making him remember the surge of emotion in the moment when he'd realized she was still alive. "I won't cut too much," she murmured when her gaze found his for a moment and she seemed to read concern in the turmoil. He was just glad she couldn't see everything else he was thinking. "I kinda like it long." Beth paused to trim another bit of hair, and he was surprised to notice there was a hint of a flush to her cheeks. "It suits you. You do this thing sometimes where it falls in your eyes and you just sort of look through it. It's..." Beth paused and a hundred words flooded through his mind to finish that sentence, half of which he was sure he'd never hear from Beth Greene's lips.
"It's nice," was what she said softly, but before his stomach could sink too much at such a simple word, she paused just long enough to hold his gaze and murmur, "It's real nice."
And that, combined with her closeness and the smell of strawberries that lingered in the air around her and the occasional brush of her fingers across his forehead, was better than any of the ways Daryl could have imagined that sentence ending.
Because they were her words, and they were all for him.
****NOTES: I was worried when editing this that Daryl was coming off a bit poetic. Part of my fix for that was to include a lot of mentions of his own doubts when it comes to his worthiness. However, as I was editing I remembered the scene with Daryl and Carol and the Cherokee Rose story, and I think that Daryl has the capability to think about things like that a lot more than people might expect. He just keeps it all inside well. I was also a little concerned about Rick and how he comes off in this episode. Hopefully the dual-possibilities with Rick come off well. Is he going bad? Is he just testing them? Since this is essentially from Daryl's perspective, some of what we see Rick do is tinged with his own concerns. I don't think Rick is a horrible person, but Daryl definitely has some doubts about his decision making lately, so that was how I tried to play it.