The first day was hard.

Shippo sat in the corner with Rin and Kirara and cried endlessly, inconsolable as Sango pointedly ignored the loss, though it burned in her chest like molten iron. There were a million other things she could consider, a million tasks that required her attention and she was content to focus on them all in an effort to distract herself from the one thing that could not be undone. The one thing she wished she could undo.

So she turned her attention to dirty bandages. Dirty bandages were a fine outlet. They needed to be scrubbed and soaked and wrung free of muck and water. She washed until they were pristine and then she moved on to clothes. These took more focus as they were more delicate. The spider silk fabric in particular was a wonderful challenge. It held to the blood and muck with the same desperation that she held onto sanity. There was something cathartic about pounding the stains free one miserable thunk at a time, and by the time she was finished scrubbing every piece of clothing she'd been allowed to take from their owners to a pristine state there were more bandages to clean.

She didn't notice that her hands were going raw until Shippo grabbed her wrists and wrestled them out of the murky water. Shocked by his sudden show of strength, she snapped her gaze upward and regarded the boy she once cradled with frustration and disdain. Somewhere along the way he's gotten strong enough to overpower her. The realization came with a flash of resentment before she felt ashamed of herself; it should have filled her with pride! To raise a strong and healthy young man was all she should have ever wanted, but it was hard to see the blessing in it when Shippo had placed himself directly in front of her current distraction.

"Move, please, you're in my way." Shippo only stared back at her, and Sango felt frustration climb up the back of her neck like a fever. Not everyone could waste time crying in the corner of a cave. Someone had to do something or else even those they saved would fall face first into oblivion.

"Sango, let someone else do it." Shippo held both of her hands in one of his and slid the bucket back towards Rin. The girl silently took over, scrubbing with as much vigor and attention as Sango had. Her expression was an incomprehensible mix of guilt and resolution, as if the bandages had managed to push her to make a choice she hadn't wanted to make. "It's been two days and you've scarcely stopped long enough to eat. You can't continue like this."

His concern was obvious, but she didn't need concern. She didn't need his shimmering azure eyes on her. They were too blue, too close to what she lost but still too entirely different. "I know what I'm doing."

It came out colder than she wanted it to, and hurt at the harsh words filled his eyes as she watched. He looked like he couldn't understand what he'd done to make her hate him.

An uncomfortable silence, one that she'd created, welled between them until Sango spoke in an attempt to remove it. "Sesshomaru asked me to find his mother after everything that said she'd be able to heal InuYasha."

As she said it out loud she realized that she had decided to obey his instructions, and felt distantly tired. Initially she'd been unwilling to go searching for an elusive demoness. She'd been sure that their collective medical knowledge would be enough to heal one of the half brothers well enough to wake up, and that if they got that far then whoever it was could give them more information, but apparently that had been the latest in a series of miscalculations. Neither Sesshomaru nor InuYasha would wake, and their wounds continued to ooze and fester despite the fastidious cleansing ritual their little party had in place.

Nothing was improving. InuYasha's skin was purpling with a disease that seemed to turn his cells against him one by one and Sesshomaru's wounds held poison the way he held grudges. Alcohol. Disinfectant spray. Water. Peroxide. There was no substance within Kagome's magic bag that could hold a candle to whatever it was Ryukotsei had produced. Every turn was another brick wall, another insurmountable hurdle, and it was all too much when all she wanted was to curl up on the broken earth and simply cease.

"Then we'll find her." Kagome said as she motioned for A-Un to creep into the cave. The gentle reminder that Sango was not alone came like a breath of fresh air, "One step at a time, alright?"

Sango nodded, not trusting her voice when she was so desperate to scream expletives into the dirt, and moved to help Kagome pull Sesshomaru onto the dragon. He was durable, if nothing else, and she silently apologized for the added trauma his body would endure for her plans to layer InuYasha's weight upon him.

He was heavier than he looked, heavier than she remembered he'd been when she'd carried him from the fight with adrenaline-fueled strength. How had she ever managed to get him here in the first place? She had not realized how heavy her own fatigue would make him, or how unwieldy the armor and fur he was wrapped in would be, and how often as a result she would end up spitting out his long white hair.

Shippo did not watch Kagome and Sango in their attempts for long before pushing them aside and insisting that they let him help. He lifted the elder demon with an easy strength, then laid him carefully upon the Dragon's back. As she watched him, Sango couldn't help but wonder how that extra strength would have aided them in that last battle. Would they have come out victorious? If Shippo had helped them, would anyone have died? No, she thought, and she firmly shook away the idea. If Shippo had joined them, he'd be lying beside the others.

The outcome of the battle fell upon her shoulders alone. If she were faster, Miroku would be sitting beside her, threading his fingers in her hair as he pushed some hands-off rhetoric about the universe being too big and too powerful to command. Maybe he'd have taken her face in his hands and offered to bump up the wedding, tired as she was of waiting for the perfect moment. The thought made tears burn in her eyes.

She wanted to scream, but screaming wouldn't help. Crying wouldn't help.

"Lord Sesshoumaru rules the West," Rin offered helpfully and Sango wished she'd noticed the guilt ridden look in Rin's determined eyes before they set out, "Surely if we head in that direction we'll find who we're searching for!"

xXx

They walked for days. Days of passing across uneven ground, hardly eating and somehow sleeping less, of watching as what strength InuYasha and Sesshomaru still had continued to fade made Sango feel as if she were going mad. And then, just as Sango was wondering if she'd gotten her wish and died and somehow this was an unchanging Hell, they almost ran into a high stone wall, unmanned and unyielding. That created a forced pause in their march as they searched for weaknesses, but upon finding fuck all- they deduced that they'd have to walk around.

Or not.

A man with hair as silver as Sesshomaru's and sleepy amber eyes landed softly in front of her, sword already unsheathed and aimed at her neck. He attacked the moment she reached for her dagger.

She scrambled backward from his relentless advance, avoiding decapitation by luck alone as from behind her Kagome fired sacred arrows. Bit by bit, they chipped away at the bone armor that protected his chest until his target changed.

He was too fast to counter, too strong to block, but Kagome grounded herself, standing before the useless dragon stead and met death with a bravery that made Sango marvel. To both women's surprise, he faltered as he came close enough to see A-un's burden clearly.

"Rumors of the Lizard's triumph are true!" His moment's hesitation gave way to grief as he took in the two silver heads and then there were dozens of inuyoukai descending from the walls like hornets.

His expression morphed, mindless in his grief and rage and Sango gripped her dagger, wishing for her shattered Hiraikotsu, and dragged Rin behind her as she prepared herself. If her last moments came at the hand of a youkai -if she died protecting someone who could not protect themselves- then she would consider it a warrior's death.

Rin, however, didn't seem willing to let Sango die for her sake, though as she rushed from behind her Sango briefly was left wondering if that was because she wanted to die herself. The girl threw her arms out as if to protect her, and only cast Sango one apologetic glance before exclaiming, "I've brought Lady Mother a strong human woman- just as she asked me to! Now I demand that she upholds her vow and heals my Lord and his brother!" The battle that had been gathering fizzled to a halt before it could begin, and as the captain looked again at Rin with a startled air of recognition, Sango was left to wonder if she should feel relieved or cheated.

"The brother wasn't part of the deal, pup. Even I know that." His voice was drawling and fond, not at all what Sango'd expected, and his eyes, which previously had been as hard as diamond, were indulgent and warm as he looked at Rin. Rin's shoulders and arms were already relaxing. It was becoming woefully obvious that they knew each other.

What? Part of what deal? It suddenly felt like things were moving too fast for Sango to keep up with, but the sensation rolling down her spine felt, again, like betrayal. Like Naraku, asking her family to come to him and then killing them, and killing her, and using her when she crawled from her grave.

Rin, insensible to what Sango was beginning to feel, boldly pressed forward and clasped her hands in front of her in supplication. "No, both of them! Both of them- please. Miss Sango is more than worth both of their lives!"

"Rin, what are you doing?" Shippo cried, "What are you saying?" Her attention, however, was elsewhere and he gained no answer.

The ugly feeling in Sango's gut began to solidify, but it still felt distant.

In front of them, the youkai captain laughed. His eyes were bright with amusement as they swept appraisingly over the two women behind Rin. "A peasant woman on the verge of collapse is a worthy trade for the lives of a demon Lord and a mutt?"

Rin's voice was slightly desperate, pleading. Sango could hardly believe what she was hearing. "The chief of the remaining demon slayers is more than worth two lives. She's a strategist, she's strong, and she knows how to train humans to stand on their own. Just because she's injured doesn't mean she's not worth it."

Disbelief gave way to panic as the guard nearest to Sango stepped forward too fast for her to react and caught both of her arms behind her back. She wrenched her head back, trying to sink her teeth into the guard's shoulder in a last ditch effort towards freedom, but he clamped his hand over her mouth without a second thought and shoved her forward.

She couldn't tell if her friends were alright or if they were being herded as well, not with his grip like iron upon her face, and she regretted her decision as she struggled uselessly.

"You drive a hard bargain, girl."

With the deal finalized, Rin finally turned around. There was relief in her expression, and perhaps faint sorrow for the betrayal, but her expression hardened as she looked back past them to Sesshoumaru's still form. Sango recognized the hard set of the girl's face as truly as she recognized herself. She was a girl who would pay any price for the man who'd saved her- for the father who'd protected her when she was too small to protect herself. She regretted having seen her face as soon as she recognized her expression. She wanted so badly to hate her, but it was difficult to be angry when she knew her actions would have been identical.

"Anything for Lord Sesshomaru." The words were almost a whisper, but Sango heard them, and thought of Kohaku, and Miroku, and hated Rin as profoundly as she hated herself, and knew them both so completely that she almost shattered under the weight of the knowledge.

With so many powerful youkai on every side, there was no way to stop them all from being swept across the wall and herded into a grand courtyard. Sitting coolly on a throne at its center was a woman who might have been Sesshoumaru, if Sesshoumaru had been born a woman. The youkai bowed low as they approached her, though she scarcely looked at them. Of course this would be his mother, Sango thought a little desperately as they were brought close. After all, he had to get it from somewhere. The woman sat upon her throne and looked down with a bored expression, resting her porcelain face against one delicate, deadly hand as if the sight of her half dead child was wholly unconcerning to her. She barely glanced at Sesshoumaru's motionless body before her eyes fixed on Rin.

"Which of these women are you presenting to me, child?"

"The demon slayer." Rin's words were rushed as she threw herself into her explanation, passionate in her attempts to save her guardian. "And I have proof that he will be more accepting of her than he was the other human women you brought for his inspection."

Lady Mother smiled faintly at the words. The expression carried chill rather than warmth; it was indulgent and terrifying. "How thoughtful, if unnecessary. With your sacrifice, I have no need to pander to his childish tantrums."She rose from her seat with an enviable grace and approached Sango with a slow and deliberate kind of energy. Her inspection was violating and thorough. Foreign fingers were deft in their disrobing, leaving her to stand against her captor in only her juban and endure her roving, analytic gaze. "She will do."

Rin pushed forward, intractable and demanding, as though she held altogether more power than a fifteen year old should. "Well, you can't have her unless I can have an antidote for both Lord Sesshomaru and Master InuYasha."

The Lady looked over and played along, clearly amused. "We agreed on Sesshomaru and only Sesshomaru, little one."

"Yes, but I've brought you someone useful and beautiful. You only asked for beauty. It's a fair trade!"

Sango strained against the hand covering her mouth, fighting against a grip so unbreakable it felt as if she were trapped in steel.

It occurred to her as she struggled that she'd once again been rendered helpless. Rin spoke with so much fire, expounding on her strength and strategic genius, but for Sango, hanging helpless in the youkai's arms, it almost seemed like Rin was talking about a stranger. Once, maybe, she would have thought the descriptions suited, but no longer. She'd neglected her body, neglected her mind, and now she was as helpless and just as useless as everyone else.

The woman Rin spoke of died a week ago.

"Very well." The Lady pulled two glass vials from her sleeve and tossed them at Rin's feet, giggling when she dove to catch them. "The effects should be instant."

Rin raced to her lord and his brother as soon as she stood with vials in hand, maneuvering her thin body through the crowd to reach InuYasha's limp form. His head lolled against her shoulder as she struggled, but with Kagome at the mercy of swords and Sango trapped within a demonic hold, there was only one other person to help her.

"Shippo, help me get them both onto the floor."

The words seemed to pull him out of a horrified trance."I'm not helping you!" His voice was still faintly stunned. "What are you thinking? How can you trust her? How can you try and sell Sango off?"

Rin looked taken aback very briefly before her expression darkened like a thundercloud."How can I? While you were hiding in a corner crying, Miss Sango and Miss Kagome and I were up with them, cleaning their wounds, worrying… Master InuYasha's heart stopped twice last night! Should I have done nothing? There's no other antidote for the poison, and this is the only way I could get any!Do you want him to live or don't you?"

"But Sango-"

For just a moment, Sango thought she saw Rin look to her, and the expression in her eyes flicker with brief regret before firming again.

"Miss Sango would do the same. She nearly killed me for the monk's sake." Oh, Sango thought, I guess he told her. She felt tired. It wasn't a surprise that Sesshomaru hadn't kept her secrets. He had no loyalty to her -or anyone for that matter- but the dirty look the girl sent Sango's way made her shrink a little into her captor's arms. "We're finally even."

Shippo hesitated a moment longer before he stepped forward and took Inuyasha's weight off her shoulder, then lowered him gently to the marble floor before reaching to pick up Sesshoumaru with the same care. Despite everything, seeing the amount of strength and tenderness that he moved them with left Sango feeling an exhausted sort of pride. His actions were a testament to the kindness they'd raised him with.

"There must be another way," he insisted under his breath as he stepped back, "We can't just sell off our friends to the highest bidders!"

"I already have."

Rin gave the first dose to InuYasha, then sat back on her heels and watched him closely rather than moving on to give the second to her lord. Her actions left Sango briefly confused, until her exhausted brain (the last week had lasted for years) spat an answer to it back out at her. Rin was testing the potion on InuYasha, waiting for him to rise before doing the same to Sesshomaru. Her scheming mind was still two steps ahead. She didn't have long to wait. She'd only just sat back when InuYasha woke with a start, retching and choking as the antidote hit his tongue. He grabbed for his sword before he stopped choking, but although he was awake he clearly was still weak, and Tetsusaiga fell with a ringing weight that almost cracked the marble. Rin had already moved to her guardian's side and gave him the second dose.

Sesshomaru woke quieter; his first sign of life was the hand that came up to hold his head as if it were raging. For a brief moment his expression was only pained, then it flickered briefly past disbelief, confusion and perhaps even a spark of fear motivated by waking when he'd never thought to wake again. His eyes flickered across the scene, lingering for a moment on Rin at his side, and then coming to rest on Sango, still held captive a short distance away. He took in the sight and then turned with greater intensity to the rest of his surroundings, and as his eyes swept across them his expression grew dark with furious defeat, and lit at last on his mother with an anger like the sun.

"Release the slayer." The short phrase hissed out with more venom that she ever thought him capable of. She wanted to demand that Sesshomaru have them return her dagger as it had been stolen from her hip the moment the guard set her free, but he was already speaking again, and no longer looking at her. "Mother, why have you revived me? I thought we agreed that we would not cooperate with one another." His voice was sharp with anger, but lacked the same chill it had had a moment ago.

The Lady smiled wickedly. "Your refusal has been overturned by the will of your ward." She told him smugly. "She has brought you a beautiful bride."

His eyes fell -instantly- upon her again.

"Absolutely not."

"So you see, Sho-chan, the beauty of the situation is that you have no choice." Her golden eyes blazed with an insane zeal, "Your cute little Rin has made a deal with me in exchange for your life and traded something most useful. We all know there is nothing you would not do for your Rin."

His eyes swung down to Rin, who swallowed and looked at the ground to avoid the fierce stare. "I had no choice, my Lord. You weren't healing! Master Jaken and I would be lost without you-."

"Rin."

She fiddled with her fingers, short nervous movements that made her look naive and childish. "It won't be so bad! I chose a woman that I know you like! She's everything you deserve in a wife, she's elegant and strong-"

"Rin."

She finally looked up at him, with an expression so naked in its pain and determination that it felt wrong to see her like this. Her eyes were wet with tears. "How far would you have gone if it was to save me?" she cried. His glare did not waver. That glare was enough to overwhelm generals and Sango couldn't help but think that, despite everything, Rin didn't quite deserve it. "You've cared for me since I was a child! I always was getting in trouble, and you were always protecting me… how could you expect me to stand idly by and let you die when you're like a father to me?"

Silence came back to swallow the air after those last words, and stretched between the two of them like taffy.

"Rin." One syllable, two characters, yet they held a weight that bore upon her like the very force of the universe.

Her voice came out as a squeak, "Yes?"

"What did you trade?"

"My soul."

Sango stared in frozen, disbelieving horror, but Sesshoumaru's expression barely changed. His eyebrow twitched as he internalized that information, nothing more. "Your soul." More silence. "What convinced you that this was a good idea?"

She shrugged a little, her eyes dancing along the grout lines of the marble floor, "When you left to sharpen your weapons Lady Mother approached me and asked if I would rather be given to a farmer or a carpenter. It was her duty as your mother to look after your responsibilities. When I insisted you wouldn't die, because…you're Lord Sesshomaru, she assured me that you would. Eventually, at least, if you didn't have someone to watch over you. So I promised to find you a bride if she promised to help you when you needed it. When she asked for collateral… I only had my soul to give."

Sesshomaru's angry eyes blazed like the afternoon sun in his mother's direction, but she was decidedly uninterested in her fury. "And -with your very autonomy on the line- how do you propose that I convince the woman who just lost the love of her life to marry me?"

The girl seemed to spring up like a dandelion. "You're very handsome, my Lord, and very generous! I know you can do it."

It was at that moment that it became apparent that Rin was still a child. For all of her plotting and bold choices, she'd forgotten to account for free will. As she looked up, happy and excited, it seemed she was the only one who hadn't yet realized the flaw.

Ponderously, Sesshoumaru turned and looked straight at Sango. His eyes were tired and proud shoulders sagged in defeat. The antidote may have rejuvenated him, but Rin's antics managed to age him."Name your price, Slayer." He sounded tired as well, as tired as she'd been since Miroku died. It seemed for that moment that they were an awful match, but she couldn't. She turned away from him, wanting to look anywhere else. Elegant, stone pillars decorated the meeting hall; she wished she could duck behind one and finally be free of his unwavering, unsettling, unyielding, stare. She was beginning to wonder if he blinked at all.

With no way out, she turned back to meet the eyes of her friends, people who weren't burdened with the same dilemmas, but who would guide her all the same.

Kagome took a deep, brash breath before saying, "I volunteer." That confidence wavered as InuYasha shouted refusals along the lines of 'like hell you do' and 'I'll burn this fuck ass castle to the ground', "Hush! What other option is there? Rin sacrificed her soul for you as well as Sesshomaru. Are you seriously telling me that I should leave her to be a soulless slave when she was fighting for you too? Sango's lost enough and… well, we'll find each other again someday, right?"

Her pretty face was painted in crystal tears, but her resolve was as unshakable as stone. It always had been and Sango knew, in that very moment, that she would not allow it.

Sango had already lost Miroku, and she would not let her friends lose their happily ever after. She turned back to Sesshoumaru and Rin, unintentionally glaring vicious daggers at the both of them as thoughts of Kohaku, who'd had no soul for so long, came to the forefront of her mind unbidden. She saw him within Rin. Scared. Desperate. Young. Could Sango say -with absolute certainty- that she'd have not done the same for her own father?

If there were a way to prevent his demise- anyway at all- she'd have taken it.

Then, almost against her will, her eyes were drawn back again to Sesshoumaru, and she forced herself to consider. It was true that he was handsome, though his eyes were gold instead of blue, though his hair was white instead of black, though he wore no expression at all instead of an easy smile. But there was nothing of Miroku left but her memories, and that meant that she had only those to tie him to her - and, surely, they could not make her give those up no matter what she decided.

She couldn't believe she was considering this, couldn't believe she had to.

Anger filled her body like gas, but without a spark they simply couldn't ignite. She'd pushed too far past her boundaries and now, as she tried to force that anger to ignite she realized how foolish she'd been to neglect herself so truly. A week of scarcely eating or sleeping had pushed her to the brink and -all at once- the floor came rushing up to meet her.

X.x.X I meant to post this days ago o.o Reviews are appreciated :)