Chapter 10 - Tatooinian Nights

DISCLAIMER: We (unfortunately) do not own Star Wars. :P

Author's Note: In which Ahsoka finds her mother too late and has a talk with Kitster about her actions... :P

FYI, the only reason I made this happen is because it's an extremely important moment in Ahsoka's character development. She's not Anakin. She's not nearly as compassionate as he is, so this event right here will change everything. ;)

~ Amina Gila

The moons are shining brightly as Ahsoka brings the speeder to a stop at a cliff overlooking a large camp of Tusken Raiders. All of the huts are lighted, with a campfire burning in the midst of them. She gets off the speeder, jumping over the edge of the cliff and landing soundlessly on the sand a short distance away from the camp. Now that she's actually here, she can distinctly feel her mother's pain and track it to the right place.

Several animals right near it snarl at each other as they fight over a bone. Her lightsaber makes too much noise for her liking, but the guards seem preoccupied. She cuts through a small section of the back wall and crawls inside.

A small fire is burning in the corner of the hut, providing just enough light to see. Her mother is tied to a wooden frame in the center of the hut. She's covered in blood, clearly from repeated beatings. Her anger is more than simmering now. Those monsters. They tortured her mother.

She hurries over to her, untying the ropes on her wrists and lowering her to the ground in her arms. "Mom," Ahsoka calls quietly. Her injuries are severe, and Ahsoka may not know much about healing but she knows if she can't get her mother to a medcenter soon... it might be too late. It probably already is. Why? Why did she have to ignore her feelings for so long? But she's here now, and that's all that matters. They're together again. She can get her mother out of here, take her somewhere to heal her.

"'Soka?" her mother murmurs, eyes opening painfully, "Is it you?"

"I'm here, Mom. You're safe." No one is ever going to hurt her again. "I'm getting you out of here." Ahsoka will get her to a medcenter, but she needs to make sure her mother is actually in a position to be moved, which won't work if she's conscious. But her mother is here, finally, finally here after so many years, and Ahsoka aches to just hold her and be with her, but the circumstances won't allow it.

"I'm so glad to see you, Ahsoka," she barely manages to get out, "Now... I am complete." She weakly raises a hand, gently touching her cheek. Her eyes blur with tears as she tightens her grip slightly on her mother. No, no, no, no. She only just found her again after so many years. Sharlan can't die now. Ahsoka doesn't know if she'd even be able to handle it.

"Everything's going to be fine, Mom. Just stay with me," Ahsoka pleads, her voice shaking.

Sharlan stares back at her for a long moment before speaking again, but with great difficulty. "I'm so proud of you, 'Soka. So proud. I missed you so much. I love you." Her strength is slowly fading, each word becoming more and more strained. Then she becomes silent, her head falling back as she suddenly goes completely motionless.

Ahsoka doesn't want to believe it, that this is really the end. But if the physical evidence wasn't already obvious enough, the bond with her mother that she can still feel, suddenly tears apart. It's been so long since she's seen her mother, she didn't even realize how strong their bond still was, at least considering that Sharlan isn't a Force sensitive. And now it's gone. Nothing more than a gaping hole in her mind... and heart.

Nothing could describe the agony tearing through in this moment. For ten years she spent every moment hoping that maybe one day she'd be reunited with her mother. And now she's just gone. Forever.

She failed her mother. She should have come back for her. Maybe if she'd reacted to the nightmares sooner, she could have saved her, but it's too late now. Nothing will ever bring her back.

She's not sure how long she sits there as the pain tears her apart before it starts to turn into something entirely different. A furious, burning uncontrollable rage. Those Tuskens, those monsters killed her mother. They won't get away with it.

Sharlan didn't even just die. She was murdered. She didn't spend the last days of her life in peace. They were spent in pain.

She knows she should stop, but she doesn't care. They deserve it. Every last one of them. Ahsoka gently lays the body of her mother on the ground, shaking as she rises to her feet. Like the predator she is, she stalks out the front entrance of the hut. Her lightsabers activate in unison, slashing through the startled guards before they have a chance to react.

The other Tuskens on guard instantly notice her and charge. Foolish. Her blades move in a swirl of green as she attacks them without a second thought. Everything disappears into a blur of agony and fury. She throws herself into the Force completely, letting it guide her movements, until everything finally stills. The camp is silent. All the life that was once clearly in the Force here is... gone. She killed all of them. Everyone. She - did she just...?

She's not sure how long she stands there in the moonlight, staring at the wreckage of the village before stumbling back to the tent. She carries her mother's body out to the speeder, almost numbly, before firing it up and speeding away back for the Lars homestead.

**w**

Ahsoka stands in the garage, staring at the mechanics strewn about. She doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. She just wants... she's not even sure what exactly. Everything to be how it used to be? For her mother to still be alive? For everything to just be different?

Everything feels pointless. She's tried to hard to be a good Jedi, but now maybe she finally understands why the Council never wanted her. No good Jedi would ever think of doing what she did, and one of her mother's last words was that she's proud of her. For what? Walking away and leaving her die on a place like this? Being the worst Jedi possible?

She hears a sudden movement in the doorway and looks up to see Padme and Kitster quietly approaching, expressions solmen. "I brought you something," Padme says softly, setting down a tray of food on a bench nearby.

She only nods stiffly, turning to stare back at the wall. The grief and guilt are consuming her, and she doesn't know how to handle it. "I'm not hungry," she replies finally. "I couldn't..." She can't understand. Why? Why did it have to be her mother that died? Why couldn't she have done something about it? "Why did she have to die? Why couldn't I save her?"

"Sometimes there are things no can fix, Ahsoka," Padme tells her quietly.

"I should have come here sooner," she insists, her anger suddenly surging. If she hadn't been on Ansion, maybe she could have. If not for the Council, if Obi-Wan hadn't forbidden her from going, she would have. He never gave her any sort of freedom. If he did, her mother would still be alive. "This is all Obi-Wan's fault," she shouts. Well, maybe it's really not entirely, but she's suddenly too mad to care. "He didn't listen! If he'd just taken me seriously for once, this wouldn't have happened!"

Padme frowns, seeming unsure. "What happened?" Kitster asks before Padme has a chance to say anything. He can clearly tell that there's something more than just her mother's death bothering her. Much as she doesn't want to confess, she also wants - needs - them to know.

"I..." she pauses, drawing in a shaky breath before continuing, "I killed them. All of them. They're all dead, everyone in the camp. They're like animals and I slaughtered them like animals. I hate them!"

"After what they did, they had it coming." Kitster steps towards her slowly, with an understanding she knows no one else could have.

"But, I'm a Jedi." She looks away. "I'm not supposed to... act on anger."

"Ahsoka, they've killed so many. If they lived, they would have expanded and only taken more lives. You may have killed them, but you saved many people today. They're monsters. Who would miss them anyway?"

She sees Padme silently slip out of the garage, probably to give the two of them space to talk, which she is perfectly alright with. She understands what Kitster is saying and really wants to agree, but it clashes with everything she's been taught as a Jedi. Realistically, it may have been the right decision, but she did it purely out of revenge. She used the Dark Side. It makes sense now, why no one wanted her all those years ago. She is dangerous. But herself aside, it doesn't change the Jedi refused to let her find Sharlan in the first place.

"You don't understand," she mumbles, knowing how lame that sounds.

Kit sits down next to her, resting a hand on her arm. "Then help me understand."

She exhales harshly, clenching her hands. "The Jedi - we're peacekeepers," she explains. "We're taught that all life has value and that we should respect it. We aren't warriors. It - what I did is wrong, but..." She trails off for a moment, voice becoming barely above a whisper. "But why does it feel so right?"

He gives a rueful smile. "You know on Tatooine the main language we know is violence." He leans closer, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders. "You might be a Jedi now, but subconsciously, you'll always remember the basest instincts to protect and avenge. It's who we are, Ahsoka. We can't reject that part of us."

Ahsoka turns his words over in her mind, resting her head on his shoulder and silently absorbing the comfort he's so willing to offer. They're both children of Tatooine, born and raised in the desert, where family is the most important part of a person's life. Parents always come first, until children are born. As they sit there, she finds her mind drifting to what happened between them on Naboo. She... had never thought of him that way until then, but it's right. So right. It's not unusual for best friends to marry on Tatooine; in fact, it almost always happens. It's natural for the man, who has always been the girl's protector, to take the next step and further their relationship, swearing to protect her for life.

It's the culture of slaves that women are to be cherished and protected from everything; nothing is considered too much in the interests of protecting them. They might disagree, but any arguments always occur privately, away from the eyes and ears of outsiders. The wife supports her husband, and he, in turn, cares for her and protects their children.

Stuck between two different cultures, Ahsoka feels torn. The Jedi would say her actions were wrong, but Tatooinians would applaud her. "I miss her," she whispers so quietly that she's unsure if Kit even hears her.

He pulls her closer into a protective embrace. "Me too," he murmurs, holding her when she buries her face against his shoulder, arms winding around his waist, and cries.

**w**

Ahsoka stands with Padme, Kitster, and the Lars next to Sharlan's fresh grave. She can hear Cliegg talking but doesn't bother to listen. Her conversation with Kitster may have made her feel minorly better, but seeing the grave stone makes it too real all over again.

She's supposed to be the Chosen One, the one to bring balance to the Force, but she can't even save her own mother.

Blinking back tears, she stumbles forwards, sinking to her knees in front of the grave. If nothing else, at least she can give her mother a final goodbye. "I'm sorry," she whispers finally, "I should have come back sooner. I shouldn't have left you here. But I won't fail again." She wants to say more, but nothing else will come out. Finally, she just stands up and moves to stand next to the others. Silence settles over them, seeming to only further drive home the point that her mother is gone forever. But whatever happens, she's never going to lose anyone like this ever again. She won't let it happen.

Suddenly, Artoo rolls into view, whistling. "Artoo, what are you doing here?" Padme asks.

The droid beeps again. "There must be a message for us back on the ship," Ahsoka concludes, based on the few words in binary which she recognized. She wants space to mourn right now, but Artoo wouldn't be here if there wasn't something important, like maybe a message from the Council or Obi-Wan telling her that she's supposed to be on Naboo not Tatooine. But how would they know anyway? Sighing, she trudges back to the ship, Kit and Padme following.

A hologram of Obi-Wan is projected in the cockpit when Ahsoka presses the button to receive the transmission. "Ahsoka, my long range transmitter has been knocked out. Retransmit this message to Corscuant," he instructs.

Padme reaches over, pushing a button on the control panel, so they can copy the Council on the message. "I have tracked the bounty hunter Jango Fett to the droid foundries on Geonosis," Obi-Wan continues, "The Trade Federation is to take a delivery of a droid army here and it's clear that Viceroy Gunray is behind the assassination attempts on Senator Amidala. The Commerce Guilds and Corporate Alliance have both pledged their armies to Count Dooku and are forming a - Wait! Wait!"

He suddenly whips out his lightsaber, spinning to deflect blaster shots from a group of droids before the hologram disconnects. Alarm flares through her. He's been attacked, and very likely will get captured. This could end in a disaster, and it's not one she could very easily get herself involved in. And he could die, too.

"Ahsoka, we will deal with Count Dooku," Windu declares, "The most important thing for you is to stay where you are. Protect the Senator at all costs. This is your first priority."

"Understood, Master," she answers stiffly before the connection is disconnected.

Padme turns to check a readout on the control panel. "They'll never get there in time to save him. They have to come halfway across the galaxy. Look, Geonosis is less than a parsec away."

"If he's still alive by then," Ahsoka replies dully.

"Are you going to just sit here and let him die?!" she exclaims, "He's your mentor."

Ahsoka flinches. She did that already with her mother, but when she came here, disobeying the Council, things went badly. If she does it again, then what? Would Obi-Wan die? Because she went there?

"He's my family, but you heard Master Windu," she says, ignoring Kister's scowl when she says the word 'master'. "He gave me strict orders to stay here."

"We came to Tatooine," reminds Kitster. And that's exactly the problem. Her mother died. "Ahsoka." He steps over to her when she continues to refuse. "He's your family, like you said. Even if we can't save him, we have to try."

"What if he dies anyway?" she whispers. "Then what?"

"Then you can have it off your conscious that you did your best."

"Even if it wasn't enough."

"I'm going to save Obi-Wan," Padme announces, moving over to the controls. "So if you're going to protect me, you'll have to come along." Ahsoka sighs quietly, but she still isn't sure. She wants to find him. She aches to rush in there and make sure he's safe, but she doesn't think she can bear to lose her other parent, even if he's hurt her in more ways than she could ever describe.

Moments later, the ship is blasting off the surface and away from the planet. Ahsoka hopes she'll never have to set eyes on it again. Now, it bears even more dark memories she never wants to be reminded of.

"Great, from one desert planet to the next," Kitster remarks dryly as they come out of hyperspace above Geonosis only about an hour later. Ahsoka had to admit, the planet does look an awful lot like Tatooine from space, except with rings around it.

She pushes the thought aside as she guides the ship down for the surface. It looks almost totally baren, nothing but rocks and sand in every direction, though she can definitely sense life on it. But as she continues to fly, columns of smoke come into view.

"See those columns of steam straight ahead?" asks Padme, "They're exhaust vents of some type."

"That'll do," Ahsoka agrees directing the craft into the column, and flying through the steam to land on the bottom.

Padme stands up, heading for the exit to the ship. "Look, whatever happens out there, follow my lead. I'm not interested in getting into a war here. As a member of the Senate, maybe I can find a diplomatic solution to this mess."

"Well, if your negotiations don't work, I'll be ready with my lightsabers," Ahsoka snips.

"Very optimistic, I see," chirps Kitster, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Ahsoka pauses. "You should stay here, Kit."

"What?" he demands, "You two are walking out into a life and death situation, and you think I'm just going to sit on the ship and twiddle my thumbs?"

"Ahsoka's right," Padme cuts in, promptly earning a glare, "I'm a Senator, and she's a Jedi. We have some standing to be here, but you don't. It'll be safer if you stay here."

"I'm not letting you walk into this alone. It's going to turn into a fight. I know it," Kitster says stubbornly.

"I can handle myself fine," retorts Ahsoka, "So can Padme. We'll be fine."

"Besides, someone needs to stay here and watch the ship," Padme argues.

"Fine," Kitster scowls, "But if you two get in trouble, don't expect me to just wait here for you to get out of it."

"I'd be disappointed if you did," Ahsoka shoots back with a small smile, before she and Padme head down the ramp of the shuttle.