Mayhem

By SilverWolf7007

Part One – His Lordship's Finest

Technically, the wizarding world was in mourning. If nothing else, it was definitely in shock.

Albus Dumbledore was dead.

Defying all expectations, the man had quietly died in his sleep three weeks before the start of the start of term.

This had left Minerva McGonagall as Headmistress of Hogwarts, and had also left her with a major dilemma.

Who the bloody hell was she going to hire to teach Defence?

Transfiguration was not going to be a problem. She herself would still have time to teach the older classes, and she had no doubt that Hermione, who was staying at the school to be with her girlfriend and their son, would be more than capable of teaching the first and second years.

Thinking about Hermione, however, gave Minerva an idea. It was probably a very bad idea, but it was the only one she had.

Severus was somewhat relieved that Albus was dead. It wasn't that he had wanted the old man to die, but…well…it meant that there would be no more matchmaking attempts from the meddling old coot.

Also, as the school year was about to begin, there would also be no attempts from the Dark Lord and his partner in crime.

Finally, Severus thought he could breathe easily.

Currently, almost twenty Death Eaters were in the Malfoy Manor, where the Dark Lord had decided to set up his headquarters.

Each and every one of them was somewhat worried.

This was perfectly reasonable. Lord Voldemort rarely, if ever, laughed in the presence of the majority of them. Also, they were quite used to Harry being, as the counterpoint to their Lord, a rather cheerful young man.

So when Voldemort's laughter began echoing through the building, they began to wonder what on earth was going on.

And when several of them encountered the highly annoyed Harry stalking through the corridors, a teensy bit of foreboding raced down their spines.

In the library of the Manor, five Death Eaters were lounging quite happily and debating what may have caused this sudden reversal of behaviour.

"Do you think they were experimenting with some sort of spell and managed to switch bodies?" Narcissa suggested idly.

Lucius peered at her over the top of his novel. "One can only hope that is not the case. Can you imagine the mischief they would get up to once they thought about it?"

Bellatrix shuddered. "Unfortunately, I can. I daresay it would be reminiscent of my dear cousin and his friends back in school."

"All right, now I'm just scared," Rodolphus complained. "Anyone willing to go and ask them what's going on?"

There was silence from the others.

From the doorway, Draco snorted. "His Lordship's finest, you lot."

"Hush, or I'll ground you," Lucius warned, eyes narrowed.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Might I remind you that I am of age now…not only that, but I've both graduated and moved out?"

Rabastan looked at him pointedly. "You seem rather present for a brat who left home."

"Yes, I know. It's all Harry's fault, of course. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find out what Tom found so damned funny."

The five adults watched him leave.

"Think he'll tell us when he finds out?" Rabastan asked hopefully.

Lucius snorted. "Doubtful. Unless, of course, he simply can't hold it in."

Narcissa frowned at him worriedly. "I'm not sure whether to hope that that's the case or not."

Helpfully, her husband just shrugged.

Draco had no idea of where he would be able to find Harry, so he went for the other option.

Tom was sitting at Harry's desk still laughing helplessly when he arrived, and he raised an amused eyebrow at finding the supposedly terrifying Dark Lord shedding tears of mirth.

"Sorry to bother you, Tom, but we've all been wondering, what has you laughing like a madman?"

The wizard in question looked up at him, smirking, still snickering slightly. "Harry received a letter about half an hour ago."

Draco blinked. "And it pissed him off and amused you?"

Tom shrugged. "Sort of…" He picked the aforementioned letter up off the desk and held it out. "Here."

The blond took it and read as Tom composed himself.

'Dear Harry,

As you may already know, when Albus died he had not yet filled the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Now, with Remus already teaching Care of Magical Creatures, this left me with very few options.

One of them, the one I believe to be the best choice, is you.

I do realise that you are probably quite busy, but surely reforming the wizarding world can wait one year? The students still need to be educated.

If you choose to accept the position, we will be holding a staff meeting on the 22nd. Hermione will be able to provide you with the time closer to the date.

Please reply with your answer as soon as possible.

Minerva'

Draco stared at the letter for several more minutes.

Tom waited.

Draco snorted.

Tom smirked.

Draco collapsed into the nearest chair, gasping for breath through his laughter.

"It's not that funny!" Harry complained, stepping into the room.

"Yes, it is," Tom replied calmly. "Minerva obviously relinquished her grasp on sanity when accepting the Headmistress position. Harry, I love you dearly, but I somehow can't see you teaching the students."

Harry gazed at him coolly. "Oh really?"

Tom's eyes widened. "Harry…"

"I think I'll write back to Minerva now. Draco, hand me a quill and some parchment, would you?"

Managing to calm down somewhat, the blond passed him the required items before standing up and heading out the door. "Don't mind me, I'm just heading off to tell Blaise, and Pansy, and Theodore, and…" Draco's voice trailed off as he continued down the hallway.

Tom turned and raised an eyebrow at Harry. "Are you seriously going to do it?"

"Yes, I am. And you are coming with me."

"What?"

Harry ignored him, wrote out a quick letter and left to find Hedwig.

Tom trailed after him, demanding an explanation.

Minerva was visiting the Burrow when Hedwig found her – as were all seven biological Weasley children along with Hermione and the baby.

Of course, with eleven people there who could conceivably be receiving a letter from Harry, there was quite a bit of confusion before she actually got her hands on it.

She eyed it warily for a moment, not sure which answer to her request she would prefer.

'Dear Minnie,

Oh all right, you've talked me into it. Well, you, Tom and Dray. They seemed rather sceptical of my teaching abilities. Therefore, I have chosen to prove them wrong.'

At this point, Minerva breathed a sigh of relief, ignoring the niggling sense that something was going to go wrong.

'However, I do have one condition. I'm bringing Tom with me.'

She choked.

'I promise he won't act all Dark Lordish. In fact, he'll be in disguise so as to not alarm the kiddies.

Anyway, I'll see you on the 22nd!

Harry'

"Oh dear lord," she breathed.

"What's wrong, Minerva?" Molly asked her worriedly.

"The earth is doomed."

The entire staff of Hogwarts, barring Hermione and Minerva, had no idea why they had been summoned to the castle for a meeting a week before the previously scheduled one would take place.

Currently, they were curious. Except for Severus, who was beginning to panic, and Trelawney, who was 'predicting' doom for all as usual.

It was when Minerva didn't tell the Divination professor to 'stop prattling that useless nonsense' that the rest of the staff began to wonder if there wasn't some merit to those portents…especially considering the unusually grim expression on the Headmistress's face.

Pomona Sprout was the one to eventually speak up. "Minerva, what on earth is wrong?"

She sighed heavily. "I have made what may turn out to be a grave mistake."

Severus tensed.

"How so?" asked Rolanda Hooch. "Surely it can't have been that bad, Min?"

"I'm afraid it may be."

"It's about the new Defence teacher, isn't it?" stated Filius Flitwick. "Have you hired someone, then?"

She nodded. "Yes. One of our graduates last year."

Severus began to whimper, and in the back of his mind he was glad that neither Luna nor Albus were there. But most of his mind was stuck on the current cause of his distress.

Selene Sinistra frowned at him worriedly. "Are you all right, Severus?"

The man ignored her, instead turning imploring eyes onto Minerva. "Tell me you didn't. Please, God, Merlin, Salazar, anyone, don't let me be right…"

Her lips twitched slightly at his reaction, but she sobered as she addressed his question. "Yes, I'm afraid so, Severus. I have hired Harry Potter."

Remus choked. "Oh hell…"

Rolanda looked utterly confused. "And what is so bad about that? Potter is brilliant at defence, and as far as I know he didn't have any other plans for this year…"

Hermione winced. "Uh, that would be the problem, you see. Harry did have plans. But that doesn't matter, as he has postponed them for a year. The problem…" Usually a verbose witch, she nevertheless ran out of words trying to explain.

Severus just looked hopelessly resigned. "He's not coming alone, is he?"

Minerva sighed again. "No. I have gained Harry's permission to tell you the true identity of his lover, who will also inhabit the castle while Harry is in residence."

Remus buried his head in his hands. "We're all doomed…"

Selene frowned. "Not to brag, but I am usually quite up to date on the Hogwarts gossip. I wasn't aware he was seeing anyone. How long have they been an item?"

She blinked. "That's…a very good question. Hermione?"

The younger witch shrugged. "No idea." She turned to Severus. "You've known about them longer than us, do you know?"

"Early July last year," he answered. "I don't know the details, I'm afraid. All I know is that I was called about two weeks later, told the basic 'we met up, fell in love, talked about this whole war thing and this is how we're going to work it out' story, and was asked to cover for his leaving Headquarters so frequently."

"And then he got caught, we learned the truth, and the Headmaster discussed the whole situation with them," Hermione finished.

"Exactly. The point is, Selene, they were together all of last year and you had no clue."

The Astronomy professor glared at her smirking colleague. "From what I gleaned from your oh so detailed explanation, Harry was seeing a non-student. Also, this is Harry. For such a high profile man, he's awful hard to find stuff out about. I imagine that must frustrate the Dark Lord."

Hermione, Severus, Remus and Minerva winced.

Sybill Trelawney may not have been a very accurate day-to-day seer, but she was quite proficient at deductive reasoning. Thusly, she realised who Harry was seeing, shrieked, and fainted.

"I think she worked it out," Hermione said quietly, biting her lip to hide her amusement.

"Really?" Severus said with a roll of his eyes. "How ever did you guess?"

Pomona was glaring at them. "Well she may have done, but the rest of us are still in the dark!"

Poppy Pomfrey, however, looked thoughtful. "Let me see…out of school, felt the need to hide the relationship from the Order, Severus was called…oh dear lord…"

Selene, as Hermione had been in the face of the revelation, was utterly speechless.

Filius and Pomona exchanged a glance and a sigh.

Rolanda just looked at Minerva. "You're hiring Harry Potter to teach Defence and he's bringing Voldemort along with him," she said flatly. "I can't see the Board of Governors agreeing to this…or the students, actually."

"That is why he'll be in disguise. I merely felt it prudent to tell you who he really is before the beginning of term…also I need suggestions on how to keep him busy while Harry is teaching."

"Also we need a new Head of House for Gryffindor," Remus pointed out. "No offence, Minnie, but it's hardly fair to the others when the Gryffies have the Headmistress."

She smiled wryly. "Very true. Would you care for the responsibility?"

His eyes widened. "What, seriously? You do remember me as a student, right?"

"Yes, I do. Which is why I will be appointing Harry your co-Head. Between the two of you, you should be able to attend the more serious matters you'll have to."

Severus gave her a horrified stare. "Minerva! You can't appoint pranksters into positions of authority!"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Why not? I've already hired them as teachers."

"Those poor Gryffindor students," Hermione murmured. Remus stuck his tongue out at her.

Harry stepped into the staffroom at midday on the twenty-second of August and stopped short.

He blinked. Then he raised an amused eyebrow at the visible trepidation on the faces of almost all the staff.

Snickering, he turned to the man behind him. "I think they've heard that you're coming."

Tom, currently sporting brown eyes and dark blond hair, glowered and pushed Harry into the room, shooting a glare of death at the three staff members eyeing him in amusement.

Harry ignored them all in favour of bestowing a smirk upon the rather annoyed looking Severus.

The potions master just glared at him. "Would you two sit down already? The meeting has already been delayed thanks to your tardiness."

Tom sat down beside him, still glaring. Harry sat on Tom's other side and cleared his throat. "Uh, Sev? We're not late. You're all just very, very early."

Severus growled irritably.

Tom snickered.

Minerva rolled her eyes and cleared her throat. "If you all don't mind…"

Harry ducked his head, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry Minnie. I promise we won't do it again." He gave Severus and Tom a pointed look, which they both pretended not to see.

She sighed wearily, already regretting hiring him. "Harry, in addition to teaching Defence, you will be assisting Remus as co-Head of Gryffindor House. Tom, in order to keep you busy, you will be doing the same for Severus."

"Minerva," Severus said in what could have almost been a whine. "Don't you think I've suffered enough?"

Her lips were definitely twitching. "Severus, you yourself agreed at our last meeting that something needed to be done to keep our resident Dark Lord entertained."

Tom coughed rather pointedly and waved a hand at the two. "Said resident Dark Lord is also still here. Do I even get a say?"

"No," they answered together. Tom pouted.

"What you do get," Minerva added. "Is to choose the name you will be going by during the school year. And for Godric's sake don't make it too obvious!"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes'm."

Two days after the staff meeting, Tom stalked into the library of Malfoy Manor, found several of his senior Death Eaters lounging about, and threw himself into the nearest unoccupied armchair with a huff.

Bellatrix blinked. "Bad day, m'lord?"

He snorted. "Bad week. Bad fortnight. Bad month."

"Dumbledore finally snuffed it and you say it's a badmonth?" Rabastan asked incredulously.

"Harry is going to teach Defence at Hogwarts this term," he announced.

Lucius was visibly stunned and horrified. "Has McGonagall completely cracked?"

"That's the general reaction of everyone else," the Dark Lord said wryly.

Narcissa, on the other hand, was smiling serenely. "I think it's a wonderful opportunity. Don't you, Rodolphus?"

The older of the two Lestrange brothers eyed Tom shrewdly. "And what will you be doing while he's off being a professor, dare I even ask?"

Tom gave him a sullen look. "Being co-Head of Slytherin with Severus. And if I misbehave, I'll also be apprenticing as caretaker under Filch."

"Harsh," commented Draco from the doorway. "Try not to let that happen. I can guarantee it won't be fun, and this is just from detention experience."

The red-eyed man glared. "Thank you, Draco; I am quite aware of that."

The blond shrugged. "Just trying to help."

Rabastan was eyeing him suspiciously. "You're here again. I was so sure that you had moved out…"

Draco's eyes suddenly took on a shifty expression. "Well I'd love to stay and chat, but duty calls and all that rot." He began backing out the door.

Lucius cleared his throat. "Do I need to ask Tom to order you to explain yourself?"

"Oh, as much as I'd love to tell you all, I'm under strict instructions to speak of it to no one on pain of castration."

The men in the room winced.

Bellatrix raised an eyebrow. "By Harry, I presume?" She received a nod. "Very well, we won't pry."

"Correct, boys?" Narcissa prompted sweetly. All four men nodded hastily.

Draco smirked and darted away.

Tom was frowning. "What on earth are they up to?" he wondered.

The question was met with silence.

On the first of September, Lucius, Narcissa, Rabastan, Rodolphus and Bellatrix were lounging around in the Malfoy Library as usual.

Lucius was the only one actually reading a book, while Rabastan, Rodolphus and Narcissa were discussing curtains, of all things, and Bellatrix was napping on the couch.

"Sorry to interrupt what is obviously work vital to our Lord's cause," said Draco somewhat sarcastically from the doorway, eyeing Lucius's well-read copy of Good Omens and his snoozing aunt. "But I was wondering if any of you have seen either Harry or Tom lately?"

Bellatrix blinked at him sleepily as Lucius attempted to hide the novel from sight.

Rodolphus frowned. "Shouldn't they have left for Hogwarts by now?"

"Yes. And they're not there yet, so Sev fire-called me, and I haven't seen them for hours. Plus, I just checked the entire Manor. They aren't here."

"Can I just point out that you are?" Rabastan said. "Again, might I add? Do you ever actually go home?"

The teen shrugged as he moved further into the room. "Oh, occasionally. But that isn't the point right now." He perched on the arm of a couch. "Shouldn't we be, oh, doing something?"

Narcissa nodded slowly. "You're right. We seem to have lost a Dark Lord or two. Anyone have suggestions on how to find them?"

"No need for that," Harry said cheerfully, stepping into the room. "We've managed to find ourselves. Now, we just thought we'd come down, say a quick goodbye, and head on over to the school. Also, I thought you might like to meet Tom's new persona."

The six Death Eaters eyed the blond man who had followed Harry into the room with some amusement.

"I never took you for a blond, Tom," Rabastan said innocently.

Tom glared. "Shut up, Lestrange, or I'll become annoyed with you."

"Ooh, scary," Draco murmured.

The Dark Lord sighed mournfully. "You know, Harry, before I managed to get myself involved with you, my Death Eaters actually feared me."

"Aren't you so much happier now that we talk back?"

Tom was trying not to pout. "No, Bella, I am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are t – hey! I am not getting into a childish argument with anyone, my Lord and Master or not."

Tom smirked. "Are too."

"Am not!"

Narcissa cleared her throat gently. "Yes Bella, you are."

Bellatrix sulked.

Minerva had opened the feast with a long, involved speech about Albus Dumbledore and his contributions to the school, and how she hoped to be able to live up to his memory. She had then given the nod to Severus, who, as Deputy Headmaster, was to conduct the Sorting.

The Hat had sung its regular variation of the same song, and added a quick verse claiming the school to be in 'grave danger from within'. Despite agreeing with it, she had thought that it was somewhat in bad taste and made a mental note to have a chat with it after dinner.

First year students were divided into the Houses, and eventually the Sorting ended.

The food had then appeared, and the feast began.

And now, halfway through the meal, Minerva was still thinking the same question she had been since before the train had arrived in Hogsmeade Station.

'Where the bloody hell are Harry and Tom?'

Ten minutes later, the doors to the Great Hall flew open and a tall man with blond hair and a dark scowl stalked across the hall to the staff table, where he sat down next to Severus with a growl.

The hall was deathly silent and all eyes were on the new arrival, mostly assuming that this man and his dramatic entrance was their new Defence professor.

Speaking of…

Minerva turned and raised an eyebrow, muttering. "Bloody Slytherins and their dramatic entrances…"

Severus snorted. "Actually, I believe the dramatics are for the Gryffindors."

Remus just eyed Tom. "Speaking of, where's Harry?"

He opened his mouth to reply, closed it, opened it, and then closed it again with a defeated air, waving his hand helplessly. "That's a really good question…" he sighed.

"You mean you don't know?" Severus demanded, sounding horrified. "How can you not know?"

Tom sighed impatiently. "Believe me, its not hard. We lose track of him frequently. Severus, not long after you fire-called Draco, Harry and I found him in the library, planning to say goodbye and head on over. Then just as we were about to go, he and Draco left the room…and we haven't seen either of them since."

Minerva swallowed. "This does not bode for good things."

"No, it does not," Remus agreed. "In fact, I think it pretty much guarantees us all a very large helping of mayhem."

TBC…

This is part one of two. It was going to be another oneshot, like Acceptance was, but I got very, very stuck at this point and decided to split it. I've not yet finished part two, but it is started. I don't, therefore, know when it will be posted, especially with this whole school thing going on. With all that icky homework.

Speaking of, due to my Journalism class, I now have a new blog. I daresay it will be updated fairly often, god knows with what, but feel free to take a peek. All I ask is that if you do, leave me a comment. The link will be in my bio by the time I post this.

Anyway, please review and tell me what you think.

S. Wolf