A/N:

I just want to put a warning out before I start this fic. This is a work of fiction and I am not trying to describe a specific mental illness. I am not trying to stereotype any illness or comment on them either. Everything surrounding Daryl's mental state had been created for the story line. If these kinds of themes are upsetting to you, I would recommenced not reading any further.

Also, I think its made clear in the first chapter, but I just want to point out that the timeline is not canon. Daryl was held captive longer then he was in the TV series and Carol was also living away from Alexandria for longer.

Well, I think that's everything, remember if you like the direction and idea of it, let me know in the comments or hit the follow/fav button.

Chapter 1

She wasn't hiding. At least that's what she told herself, to begin with. But no matter how many times she chanted those words to herself, they never quite sunk in. She could never really make herself believe them.

The truth was, no matter how much she hated to admit it. She'd run away from her home and she was now hidden away, far from her problems and from anyone who truly knew her.

Ezekiel made his trips to see her every chance that he could, but she never allowed him to pass the threshold. Instead, she sat with him on the porch and listened as he recounted stories from the kingdom. And occasionally Morgan would arrive with nothing but his quite company to offer her. He never stayed long and he never tried to intrude on the solitude that she had created, within the walls of the small house.

In a way, she felt as though she was living in some kind of sensory deprivation tank. She didn't see much of the walkers. She didn't see many people. She refused to hear about any news of home and Morgan had promised that If anyone came looking for her, he would lie about knowing her whereabouts. She was completely cut of from everything and that was what she wanted. That had been her plan when she left Alexandria in the middle of the night, all those weeks ago.

So she was confused when she opened her door and found Michonne standing on her porch..

She looked around before settling her eyes back on the women. Though she was happy to see her, she couldn't hide the fact that she felt as though her space was being invaded on.

She felt like she was in a showdown of sorts.

She stood strong and kept eye contact with Michonne. Michonne done the same.

She felt as though if she let the stance falter, she would be showing that she wasn't standing by her decision to leave Alexandria. And she was standing by it.

Mostly.

Kind of.

Finally the women relented and she released a sigh. "Are you gonna invite me in?"

The simple question threw more questions in to the air. She could hear them behind each word. It was almost as if the women was scolding her, but not for her rude manners.

She hadn't allowed neither Morgan or Ezekiel to come, but as she looked at Michonne she knew the women didn't fall into the same category as her other visitors.

She stepped aside and let Michonne into her space. Giving her a forced smile and a nod, that she offered in place of a greeting.

Michonne walked in and looked around, unashamedly inspecting the space that Carol lived in. She touched things and poked at them. She picked things up and examined them.

Carol folded her arms and leaned into her heel as she watched Michonne wander around the small house that had become her new home.

"Why are you here Michonne?"

Michonne let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a cough, before she turned around to face Carol.

"Why are you?" she asked with an almost pleading tone.

"I just-.." she paused and her eyes searched the floor, as if it held the answer she needed. Something she could offer to explain herself. But when she found nothing on the floor but the old mat, she guessed that the only real thing she had to offer was the truth.

"I just don't want to be a part of it anymore...the fighting."

Michonne's eyes softened, as they had a tendency to do when she felt some understanding towards you. But once that look wore away, something else appeared and the sight of it, instantly ran a chill through her blood.

"What is it?"

She tried to remember a time when she had seen Michonne's eyes fill with tears. She was sure it had happened in the time that they had known each other, but she hadn't been with the women to witness it.

Michonne made her way to the couch and sat he self on the edge, quite obviously waiting on Carol to join her.

There was a voice in her head, telling her to run. Telling her "you can't handle anymore then you have already endured". But she ignored it, as she always did, and sat down.

She felt then as though all of the air had been sucked from the room. The house no longer felt like the safe haven she had created and the walls didn't feel as strong as they had an hour ago. She could feel it all around her, the haven she'd created was seconds from crumbling.

Michonne explained, as carefully as she could, that both Glenn and Abraham had been killed. She explained what happened, offering more detail then Carol really wanted to hear. But no matter how upset Carol got, Michonne continued on, retelling the events as she had witnessed them.

Just when she thought the story was coming to an end, she explained that Daryl had been taken by Negan and the Savior's.
She felt like something heavy was in her chest and it was making it even more impossible to breathe.

She wanted to scream.

Selfishly, she wanted to hit rewind on today and not answer the door when Michonne knocked. Because she couldn't handle this, the voice had been right. She couldn't handle the anger rising in her, the rage and pain. All of it had her ready to rise to her feet and go after them. All of them.

But she didn't move an inch, she couldn't move when Michonne continued on.

She explained the state that Daryl had been in, when Negan brought him back to Alexandria. She described the look in his eyes, she described his injuries and she described his silent and broken demeanor.

Michonne told her there was nothing they could do. The compound where Daryl was being held, was heavily guarded and populated. They were armed and they were vicious. Attempting to rescue him would only cause more problems and everyone agreed that there was no way they would succeed.

So regretfully, they had left him there.

"I'll go." She whispered firmly, ready to rise and leave right now.

"I'll get him out-" she said as her eyes landed on her gun on the table. She stood up quickly and made her way over to it, instantly picking it up to check it.

"You don't need to. That's not why I'm here" Michonne said carefully, reaching out with one hand, as though she could touch her from across the room.

"I'm not going to leave him there" she said with far to much aggression, as she grabbed her bag from the floor and started making a mental checklist of the things she needed to pack.

"Carol. Daryl escaped. We're not sure how, but we found out from an inside source, that Daryl left the compound almost a week ago"

She stopped and let out a heavy breath. He was ok. She could stop wondering what it would be like if she couldn't break him out, because he was ok.

"He's alright?" she asked, wanting the reoccurring thought to be confirmed.

"Well,…he's alive" Michonne said quietly, obviously gauging Carol's reaction.

She didn't understand why the women who had no problem going into so much detail a few minutes prior, was suddenly having trouble being straight forward.

"Is. He. OK?" She repeated when Michonne didn't elaborate.

Michonne's eyes narrowed for a moment as she clasped her hands together. Carol could tell then that she knew exactly what she wanted to say, but she was trying to find better words to say it.

"We are in the middle of a war Carol. There is a lot going on. We came to the kingdom to look for help. We were hoping the kingdom could offer some fighters so that we have a chance against the saviors. But Rick and I, we were also hoping we could convince Morgan to tell us where you are. We were hoping to find you and bring you back, so that you could help Daryl"

"He's hurt" Carol guessed, as the sinking feeling returned and she found herself feeling even more sick then she had before.

Michonne shook her head and then shrugged. "I don't think so, but I can't really be sure."

Carol didn't expect the growl that erupted from her chest, but she didn't try to repress it either.

"Michonne! What's going on. Is he ok, or not?"

Suddenly Michonne jumped to her feet and Carol was happy, she could see that the time for tiptoeing around everything was over.

"I don't know Carol. He wont let us near him. He wont come home and he wont talk to anyone." She stopped and let the emotions she was trying to cover break through the surface slightly. The frustration and heartache she was feeling was unveiled and Carol could see it clearly.

"He looks at us like he doesn't even know who we are. Like he's afraid of us. I don't know what they did to him in there, but he's-"
Michonne stopped herself but Carol was starting to understand why Michonne was trying to choose her words carefully.

There was no mulling over anything, or further questions. There was nothing but an urgency running through her blood.

She nodded her understanding. "You take me to him."

"This area, it's safe. There isn't any reason the saviors should come anywhere near here." Rick explained as he charged through the woods ahead of them.

She could tell, that though Rick wanted to help, he also didn't have time to be dealing with this. He had a group of people waiting on him to lead them forward. People who were looking to him, hoping that he knew how they were going to survive through yet another bloodbath. She guessed that if it had have been anyone else out here, Rick wouldn't be the one leading her to them. Of course he would have been concerned, but he wouldn't be the one dealing with it.

"Once I realized he wasn't going to let me near him I started leading him off in this direction."

She frowned slightly as Rick spoke. "You herded him?"

Rick looked over his shoulder at her. She expected him to be offended but all she could see staring back at her was concern.

"I didn't know what else to do. I had to get him away from the fighting and away from the saviors. So yeah. I guess I did."

She knew Rick wished the words didn't sound so cold. He spoke as though he was talking about a rabid dog and she knew that it was crushing Rick to hear the words leaving his mouth. But obviously he didn't have any other words for it.

"There's a stream, right over there" he said, pointing ahead of them. "That cuts down on the walkers in the area and it gives him a bit of cover. He's been staying by it. He seems pretty-..content to just stay there. If you get to close he might run off, but he'll eventually comes back to the stream."

Carol nodded as the knots in her stomached tightened.

She wanted to believe that it wasn't as bad as Rick and Michonne had made it sound, but the tone of Ricks voice and his obvious anxiety led her to believe it was probably worse then they had explained.

"There!" Rick whispered firmly, holding his arm out to the side to stop her and Michonne from walking into him.

In the distance she could see him. She was to far away to get a good look at him, but seeing him like this was almost to much to bare.

His hands were laced together behind his head, closing both his arms around his face like a shield, as he paced back and forth. His staggering steps were uncoordinated and carelessly taken. If something got in his path he didn't try to step around it, he simply let it push him aside. Every few seconds he shook his head furiously to himself and continued on. She wanted to get closer to him, she wanted to talk to him and wrap her arms around him. She wanted to be there for him like he had been there for her so many times.

"If you need a break or-"

"No break" she said quickly stepping ahead of Rick, watching as Daryl continued on with his circling.

"I can handle this."

She heard Rick let out something of a sigh of relief. Before he and Michonne started unloading their bags onto the ground.

"Food, water, supplies. I packed him some clothes and there's some medical supplies in there to. We don't know if he needs them or not, but they're there if he does"

"Tent and blanket.." Michonne announced dropping her bag alongside Ricks.
"Plus I put some extra weapons in there, just in case. There's also a Walkie in the front pocket, you need anything you let us know" Michonne finished.

She was ready to speak, ready to tell them she could take it from here, when she hard Daryl let out something of a growl from where he was, causing all of their heads to snap in his direction.

He still hadn't sighted them, the noises he was making were seemingly directed towards whatever torment was echoing through his head right now.

She hated to think it, especially about him. She hated the fact the the thought had ever even passed through her mind. But it had. He looked crazed. And as she looked at him, over there by himself, she felt like she could start crying. She didn't have any special skills in this area. She didn't have much to offer him, but everything she had, she would happily hand over to him. She just wanted him to be ok.

"Are you sure Carol?" Rick asked again, drawing her attention away from Daryl.

She nodded firmly.

"I am. I got this."