E.L. James owns, I just like to have fun with them.

Author's Note: Hello friends, I know another story? Okay well here's the thing, this story was begging, begging to be written. So here it is! Let me know if you guys want me to continue! Xo

A/N 2019: So I've been working on editing for clarity, updating to the current vernacular, and rewriting a few bits of it. I will upload when I can, but I'm also working on a Mafia story as well, so I appreciate all of your patience!

"Fuck, Rose," Mike, my Friday night casual hook-up "Right there."

"Shut the fuck up, did I tell you that you could talk?" I groan out. I grab his chin and push him near my tits to silence him as I continued to roll my hips trying to find that perfect rhythm to achieve my orgasm. Understanding what I need, Mike grabs my hips and begins biting and flicking my nipples. The intensity of his grasp on my hips and his mouth on my stiff nipples finally gave way and my impending orgasm hit me.

I gyrate my hips as I rode out my orgasm while he quickly found his. I immediately get off him but like always he tries to wrap his arms around me.

"No cuddling," I throw him off of me and get out of bed. "I think you should head out; I have an early morning meeting."

He gave me an annoying toothy grin and got out of my California king, "Call me soon, babe."

"Yeah," I nod, wrapping my robe around me. "I'll call you."

"Sounds good," he replies eagerly. He pulled on his clothes and I quickly escort him to the door, "Do you want to get dinner sometime?"

"Yeah, sometime soon," I kiss his lips, and then closed the door. Once I lock up, the emptiness seeps in and the resounding loneliness runs through my body.

I quickly wash up and crawl back into bed. I look out my large window and stare up at the night sky, the moon was bright and illuminating my bedroom. I look over at my phone and scroll through my emails and texts until my eyes grow tired. I slowly shut my eyes and let the night replay in my mind, Mike is a reasonably nice man, but other than sex I didn't feel like we could have further discussion about anything deeper than that.

I wasn't always so closed off but then again I've always had a hard time connecting to people. I have a lot of acquaintances but no close friends because I absolutely could not truly trust anyone. I knew where it all stemmed from; I was the cliché fat chick that got mercilessly bullied throughout my time in elementary and high school. When I left elementary school, I thought that things would get better in high school, and I could start fresh. I was wrong.

It took years and years of therapy to get to some sort of semblance of self-esteem and cope with my depression. My weight loss was just a nice side effect because instead of a vicious cycle of binge eating my feelings I worked out and stayed active. I'm not a tiny thing, but I was healthy and strong.

My therapist was able to teach me how to cope with my binges, but she did not help me find any more shit to give about other people. I'm no asshole and I'm respectful of other people, I just can't find it in myself to develop deeper relationships. I made that mistake one too many times, and when it counted the most I was hurt the most.

His name was Christian Grey. Of course, it was because of a boy.

We had art class together during the first semester of freshman year, and at the time he showered me with attention and made me laugh in those few short weeks of our uninterrupted time together. He had unruly dark hair, deep gray eyes, a strong jaw, and a well-defined body even at fourteen. He was the best-looking boy my young eyes had ever laid on.

I didn't understand why he even wanted to get to know me, because even before all the cruel and demeaning things that happened to me I knew I was already known as the "fat chick". I remember Christian always being so sweet and attentive that it made me excited to wake up in the morning and go to school.

It all changed once she showed up at school. Courtney fucking Lomax

Beautiful, model-like blonde with the perfect face and perfect body, once she had her eyes set on Christian, he was a goner. I knew I couldn't compete, so I didn't even bother, but it wasn't enough for her. She had to destroy me.

After the fall mixer, a school dance for the freshmen, she caught me dancing with Christian and within twenty-four hours she had already spread her vicious rumours.

She had told everyone that she heard me masturbating in the washroom, moaning out Christian's name. I couldn't face the scrutiny from my classmates for the rest of the week and when I returned I was the piranha that no one would even acknowledge. During art class, I found that Christian was no longer sitting next to me and on that day I had my head cast down making no eye contact with anyone unless they had approached me directly.

Then, two weeks later I heard talk about Christian and Courtney becoming the power couple, a sickening duo of PDA, where he would go she would be hanging off of him like a little blonde monkey. Whenever she would see me she would call me Fat Ana and shove me down. Though by that time I had already limited my presence from the social scene during school. At lunch, I would be at the library and by the time I was able to drive I would be in my car, I was never invited to any party or football game, so both myself and my peers successfully ostracized me. I would only make the necessary trips to my locker, be the first person in all of my classes and at school so I could be less noticeable.

I just wanted to disappear, because whenever Courtney and her friends seemed to remember that I existed I was the butt of every joke, my face photoshopped on disgusting posters that would be on all of the computer desktops or physical posters all over the halls. They were relentless. And when I was caught in the halls or when I made the unnecessary trips to my locker I was pushed, pulled, and shoved… and I let them, I never fought back. My locker was vandalized and broken into countless of times, I had Atkins, Jenny Craig, and Weight Watcher pamphlets stuffed into it and sometimes even found rotten food, and diet pills were thrown in. Kids are cruel and once they de-humanize someone they're barely human.

I was happy that I never had any other classes with Christian for the next two years but come junior year we were in various classes together and more often than not we be partnered up. The first few projects we were able to do on our own and only have to spend an hour at most to putting it together. Then towards the end of the first term before winter break, he invited me to his house to work on a project. At this point, Christian and I still had not spoken about anything other than what we were doing in school, but after that first invitation to dinner, I instantly clicked with his family.

He would act like that sweet boy from all those years ago, I thought things had changed for the better when we finally broached the subject of what he dubbed as my disappearance; he apologized and swore he didn't know that it had gotten that bad. But when school commenced we didn't talk, we didn't socialize… no, it had remained the same. I was crushed, I could take him completely ignoring me but not when he had known what I was going through and pretended to care. He brought me to his room that night and begged forgiveness, it was hard to break from the peer pressure. He looked so broken up that I didn't ever want to see that again, so I quickly became his secret.

I had permitted it because I was a glutton for punishment… so desperate to be loved and cared for that I let him use me because deep down inside I thought that he truly loved me. I kept telling myself that it was hard for him to show who he was.

I mean I am painting him in a rather terrible light, Christian never really participated in the bullying, but he never did stop it either and at times I would catch him laughing with them. It crushed me, so when graduation finally came I was all too happy to get the hell out there. Christian had left me a note on my front porch asking to come and see him at our secret spot, I laughed with tears in my eyes because for a year and a half I was his dirty little secret. I was done with this part of my life; I didn't want to be someone's secret anymore and at the time I knew that I had something bigger than myself to take care of.

During my senior year I applied to every out of state university, and eventually chose Yale based on the full scholarship they had offered me. Then from there, I graduated with a double major in marketing and economics, and right after university the P.R. firm Richards & Thomas scooped me up. My ticket to the big leagues was my very first up and coming to actor Louis Clarke six months into my employment. When I first met him, he was just a guy from the Midwest, but when I was finished with him he was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood.

I'm good at my job and I knew how to read people and make them comfortable, but that all ended when I stepped out of my office. I was a killer in my career, and it seeped into my personal life and I became a man-eater. I enjoyed their company, but I could never take any suitors seriously due to my lack of trust in people. I had various one-night stands, but for the most part, I enjoyed sex-based relationships… I have a flavour of the month fuck buddies that require a stiff medical examination. I don't do dates, but I checked out a guy's medical history before fucking completely bare. I thought most guys would welcome this sort of arrangement, but most if not all of them would profess their undying love bullshit. I don't know what love is let alone how to love someone that was all taken away from me. Then, the same high school girl who was bullied relentlessly would always creep back out, no matter how many pounds I would lose, or accolades I win.

If they could only see me now at twenty-seven I became a junior partner of the biggest P.R. firm on the west coast, but they'll probably be glad to know that I was dead inside.

x

When I got into work in that next morning I was happy to be back in my comfort zone.

"Miss Steele, you have three new messages and Mr. Thomas wants to have a lunch meeting at one o'clock today so I moved some stuff around for you," my assistant Paula rushes before I reach my office. "And the reps for Grey Enterprises and Holding are waiting in your office."

I furrow my eyebrows at her, "Grey?" I had no meetings with a Grey Enterprises.

"They insisted…" she stammered.

Walking into my office I shrug my coat off and place it in my closet. I glance over at the back of the heads of both men seated in front of my desk and another who was standing stoically at the corner of the office.

"Good morning gentlemen," I exclaimed, walking towards them.

"Sorry we were early," the man on the left greets. I reach for his hand give it a firm shake and then turn to the man on my right, looking at the other outstretched hand and then up to the man's face the sight before I made me stop dead in my tracks.

Gray eyes pierced through me.

"Christian?" I whisper.

"Hello, Anastasia," he smiled the same smile from all those years ago.

I scrunched my face at recognition and shook his hand. Christian fucking Grey is in my office and was in need of my services.

A/N: So what do you guys think?