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Title: So Complicated
Author: Song Prophet
PoV: Hermione
Pairing: H/Hr
Disclaimer: JK Rawling, goddess that she is, owns everything, with the exception of the song. In short- None of this is mine! I'm just borrowing!
Dedication: To my little brother, who tries so hard to understand why I make evil faces at his Scabbers stickers.
Summary: Five years after graduation, Hermione is still head over heels in love with Harry. Still clinging to a kiss at graduation, she attends a party she knows he'll be at….In hopes of finally getting somewhere with him. But her own feelings complicate things- Does she really love him? Does he love her? Should she just tell him? Or forget him?
Author Note: Another little Fluffernoodle. Fluffity Fluff Fluff Fluff. Sicky sweet fluff. But leave reviews anyway. Any flames will be used to fry my psycho mouse, which mauled me the other day. ((I'm telling you! It's Lucius! Or maybe even…*eep*…Voldie himself!!))
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Prologue:
Hermione pulled her cap off with a exuberant grin, letting it fly high above her head, and hoping that she had flung it far enough that it landed point first on Draco Malfoy's inflated head. But it was hardly the time to worry about slime balls like him. They had finally done it! They had graduated!
"We did it! We actually did it!" Ron was bouncing up and down, a huge smile on his face.
"Thanks to me!" Hermione said in a mock-stern tone. "If I hadn't made you study for all those OWLS…."
Harry put his hand on her shoulders, laughing. "Come on, Herm! That's all in the past now."
"I guess so." She replied, drawing her two best friends in for a tight embrace.
Many a people found their relationship strange, but she just found it perfect. They were unstoppable and inseparable. And yet- She felt her heart shining at the simple feeling of Harry brushing against her as he gave high fives to Seamus and Dean. Shaking her head, she pushed the feelings away. She had gotten over Harry a long time ago. Hadn't she?
In her hands, she held on to what she had been working towards for years: A diploma of sorts that identified her as a graduated witch from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But she let out a sad sigh as Ron disappeared into the crowd to find Parvati. Lately, she had been the loner single of the dream team, with Harry cavorting around with nearly every girl, it seemed, but her.
"'Mione?"
She looked from the parchment in her hand up in the direction of the voice, only to find a pair of deep green eyes staring back into hers. "Yes Harry?"
"Thanks."
Before she could ask him what he was thanking for, his lips were suddenly on hers. Cheers erupted around them as the students of Gryffindor noticed that the two people they had always said should be together, the dream couple, as they called them, were sinking into a passionate kiss.
Hermione was shocked at first, then let herself fall into it, let it take her over. She felt warm all over, and it was so very pleasant, this kissing Harry deal.
And then it was over. He slipped his hand in hers, and grinned a little as the Gryffindors clapped. She just smiled back at him.
"Anytime." She muttered, mostly to herself, as the entire house began the parade back to the common rooms for one whopping graduation party.
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Five years later:
Hermione put a hand to her lips, remembering, as her free hand closed around the doorknob to Ginny Weasley's flat. Loud music and shouts were pulsing from the other side. They hadn't talked about it, not that night, not ever. But surely that kiss had meant something!
She opened the door slowly, making sure not to hit anybody as she did so. The place was full, with people she didn't know, and some she did. She could see Seamus and Dean sitting on the couch, chatting about Quidditch with two girls she vaguely remembered as being two years behind them at Hogwarts. Colin, as usual, was running around, snapping pictures.
I'm so scared that the way that I feel is written on my face
And in the corner, was the reason she had come in the first place. Yes, Ginny was her best friend, or at least one of them, and always would be, but…Harry… He was entirely different story all together from Ginny's little shindig.
Hermione could feel anxiety growing inside her. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if it was written all over her face, they way she felt, and the second he saw her, he would reject her and walk out of her life forever?
When you walk in the room I wanna find a hiding placeShe quickly ducked out of his eyesight, deciding to hide until she had come up with a speech, a plan, and intervention, or at least calmed down.
We used to laugh; We used to hug,
The way that old friends do.
Hermione sighed at the way her heart was complicating things. Under any other circumstances, she would have gone straight to Harry, give him a friendly hug, and ask him how he was doing. Like the old friend that she was in his eyes. But now…she was almost afraid of what that hug would do to her
But now a smile and the touch of your hand
Makes me come ungluedHermione jumped as she felt hands on her back. Turning around slowly, she met the familiar green eyes that she wanted to get lost in. He looked devastatingly handsome, as usual. He gave her that patented Harry smile, and she could feel herself nearly melting into a puddle of Hermione goop.
"Hey, you made it." He said, casually, but those words just made her melt more.
She nodded weakly. "Of course. How could I not come?"
"Of course. I'm here." He replied, laughing. "And we both know that everyone loves me."
"Everyone?"
He laughed again, then looked down into her eyes. "Well, you love me, don't you?
It's such a contradictionDo I lie or tell the truth?
Hermione had to stop herself from visibly gulping. He was just teasing her….but still. She considered her answer for a few seconds. The question was asked innocently, or was it? Did he know?! She stared back into his eyes. Would she be better off if she lied?
"Always and forever."
He would never actually know how true that statement was.
"Good." He replied, smiling.
Is it fact or fiction?
Oh, The way I feel for you?
Hermione fought the urge just to blurt out that she really did love him, from the bottom of her heart, from the very depths of her soul. Or did I, she thought to herself as Harry gave her an apologetic smile as Neville pulled him away from her.
Perhaps she was just holding on to a silly schoolgirl crush. Or maybe not, she chided to herself, as her heart panged from the loss of his vicinity to her.
It's so complicatedI'm so frustrated.
I wanna to hold you close
I wanna to push you away
I wanna make you goI wanna make you stay
Hermione sighed as she watched him come to a stop in front of two girls. Neville was obviously using him to impress them. Harry caught her gaze and winked at her, with that distinct Harry way of apologizing to her through it. She sighed again, sinking down into the nearest armchair. Part of her was hoping he would stay over there, at a safe distance, where she could be his friend, and never lose him as a friend. It was confusing, these feelings she was having.
She wanted him with her, but she wanted him away. Far away. She wanted him to leave her heart, but she wanted him to never leave her heart.
Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel?
I want to let you know
But then again I don't
It's so complicatedShe shifted her gaze to the coffee table, trying to focus on her plan. While hoping and praying for divine intervention, she worked things out in her mind.
Harry, remember when you kissed me five years ago? Well I want you to do that again. Oh and I love you. Do you love me?
Okay, no.
Letting her head fall into her hands, she decided to give up. Now was not the time. And he didn't love her. He could never love her. She wasn't pretty, just smart. And she was smart enough to know that she would just get her heart broken, and would lose her best friend in the process. The best thing to do was just leave.
Just when I think I'm under control
I think I finally got a grip,
As she neared the doorway, she bumped into another girl. Hermione recognized her to be one of the girls Harry and Neville had been talking to. And she did not look happy.
"Sorry." Hermione said.
"Hermione Granger right?" The girl asked.
Another friend tells me that my name is always on your lips"Yeah. That's me." Hermione answered.
The girl blew a piece of hair from her face. 'You're lucky you know."
"Why is that?"
"You have the adoration of the one guy that every girl wants." The girl answered as though the answer was obvious.
"Excuse me?"
"Don't act dumb. All he ever does is talk about you. About your accomplishments, or how great a friend you are, or that one time you guys saved Ron from a raving Gurto in Magical Creatures."
It was then that Hermione realized whom the girl was talking about. Harry. Yeah, they were best friends, but adoration? Wasn't that pushing things a bit? A spark of hope came alive in her heart. Maybe he really did love her.
They say I'm more than just a friend,
"Harry?" Hermione said, seeking conformation.
"Who else?" The girl replied, agitated.
"Oh." Hermione said. "We're just friends."
They say I must be blind"Just friends?"
Hermione nodded. "Just friends."
"Are you blind? Or stupid? Or both, perhaps." The girl's voice trailed off.
"What?"
"You'd have to be blind not to notice it."
The girl walked past her, and out the door, but not before nodding her head in Harry's general direction.
I admit I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eyeHe was still standing with Neville, talking to the remaining girl half-heartedly. But he was looking at her, from the corner of his eyes. She could feel him watching her, even as she moved across the room to take a seat at a couch facing the opposite direction from them.
Oh, It's so confusing
I wish you'd just confess
But think of what I'd be losing
If your answer wasn't yes
Okay, so maybe the girl was right. Maybe Harry did have feelings for her outside of the platonic variety. She wished he would do what he had done that day- Softly say her name, then kiss her, and tell her exactly how he felt through that kiss.
Or she could tell him herself. But if he didn't feel the same way, she could lose him as a friend, and that would just make rejection all that more unbearable.
It's so complicated
I'm so frustratedHermione let out a cry of frustration and rested her forehead in her hands again. It was so overly complicated, and she wished it were as simple as whether or not he loved her. But it wasn't. There was so much more at risk there.
I wanna to hold you close
I wanna to push you away
"Hey, 'Mione."
She lifted her head from her hands to see him sitting in an armchair opposite the couch she was on. "Hey."
"Sorry about that."
"It's alright." She said, feigning a smile.
Harry frowned. "You ok?"
"It's stuffy in here." She replied. "Too many people."
"You want to go out on the balcony then?"
She nodded, taking the hand he offered to her, taking a sharp breath, as he didn't let her hand go once they were up. He led her through the crowd, still holding her hand, and opened the door. She followed him, and as the door closed behind them, the sound faded to nearly nothing. It was chilly out there, and she shivered, but at least they were alone now.
I wanna make you go
I wanna make you stay
She stared across the balcony at him, and at their joined hands, unsure of what to do now that she had him alone. For the moment, she tilted her head back and looked up at the stars and the nearly full moon. She made a mental note of this, knowing she would need to make a potion for Remus when she returned home.
Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel?
Harry moved closer to her, and she shifted her gaze so she could see him out of the corner of her eye. He was looking up at the stars as well. He looked so angelic with the light shining on his face, and Hermione could feel her heart nearly bursting with love.
"Harry?" She stopped, hesitantly. Did she really want to do this?
I want to let you know
But then again I don't
It's so complicatedHe looked down at her questioningly. "Yes?"
"I, uh…"
"I've never known you to be so hesitant with words, 'Mione." He said. "Especially with me."
"I know. Sorry. It's just that…"
"You can tell me you know." He said as her voice trailed off.
"I have something to tell you." She finally said.
"Me too." He replied.
"Really?" Hermione said, hopefully.
Harry nodded thoughtfully, then seemed to get hesitant. Hermione began to steel herself. What if he told her that he was in love with someone else. Like Ginny. Maybe the girl had confused her and Ginny. Or maybe he would do what she was praying he would do.
I hate it
Cause I've waited so long
For someone like you
Oh, what do I do?Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel?
I want to let you know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated"I love you." She blurted out, at the exact same moment, he blurted out those same three words.
"Me too." They said together.
Complicated
It's so complicated.
So complicated.
And then his lips were on hers. Her thoughts went back to that fateful day, five years before, when he had kissed her. She still had many questions, but at least one had been answered.
Because suddenly, it wasn't so complicated. It was as simple as this- He loved her, and she loved him.
And that was all that mattered.
