Behind green eyes

McGonagall was leading him through Hogwarts corridors. His sight was blurred under the sweat and his pyjamas were sticking to his skin. But he didn't care about any of this discomfort. Arthur Weasley was in danger and he didn't understand why a dispatch of the Order's members wasn't already on its way to bring him the assistance he needed.

This time he hadn't just considered the idea of attacking. No this time he had plunged his fangs in the flesh. He had tasted blood and it had felt good. Like fulfilling a hidden desire he didn't even know he had. What had happened to him? Why had he attacked ?

'It can't be me!' He thought to himself as the Gargoyle turned to let them pass. 'I was in my bed at Hogwarts, it can't be me… right?'

Calming his frantic breath he explained everything to the Headmaster who, again, avoided his gaze. This was irritating to say the least, but Harry ignored his rampant wrath to focus on the matter at hand: Arthur Weasley needed help. He heard Dumbledore give the necessary orders to send the rescue and when he was sure Mr. Weasley had been found, he felt his mind disconnect from reality. He should have been relieved, but the fact that he had been found meant something very serious was happening to him. Something he didn't quite understand. He remembered the taste of warm blood between his teeth and swallowed. He thought he was about to vomit again. He focused on his breathing. In and out… in and out.

The twins and Ginny had joined them and Dumbledore was gathering the family around an old kettle. McGonagall had been sent to divert the attention of Umbridge who had apparently noticed something was happening. Harry wasn't sure anymore if he wanted to throw up only because of his dream… It hadn't been a simple dream.

They were going to Grimmauld Place by Portkey. Harry considered the kettle in disbelief. There was no way he was going anywhere. Something was very wrong with him. He had felt like a snake during his meeting with Dumbledore and tonight he was sure he had been one. He was dangerous and couldn't be around members of the Order. He had already attacked one. He felt someone put his hand on the Portkey and Dumbledore started his countdown.

Three… Could it be because of the "connection"? Could it be that somehow Voldemort was able to do more than simply exploit his anger?

Two… He hadn't seen it coming. He had tried to fight it and Voldemort had been able to use him. Had he become a weapon?

One… Harry raised his eyes and crossed Dumbledore's blue gaze. The monster awoke and rose again. The exhaustion, the pain, the disgust… the wrath. This was unbearable.

The sensation in his navel never came. As his friends were Disapparating through the Portkey Harry rushed forward and tackled the Headmaster of Hogwarts.

As soon as he met the green bright eyes, Dumbledore immediately knew what was going to happen and braced for the attack. The boy hit him with all the force he had and Dumbledore only had the time to raise a shield that helped him absorb the impact. However, he was propelled on the ground and soon Harry tried to take advantage of it by throwing his fist toward Dumbledore's temple. But before he could reach his target the old wizard grabbed his forearm and with an unsuspected strength, he turned Harry around. In a fraction of second Harry fell two powerful arms circling him from behind. Dumbledore was holding him tight against his chest while blocking his arms. He could only move his legs and barely his hips. But the Headmaster was now out of reach. He tried to struggle but it was no use.

'Harry,' said Dumbledore softly. 'Harry it's alright.'

It wasn't alright. It was anything but right and when Harry came back to his senses, he felt shame and fear overcome his mind. It had finally happened. He had attacked Albus Dumbledore. The only wizard feared by Lord Voldemort, the only reason why the Wizarding World was still able to live in bliss ignorance. Harry felt his face tense up. The Dark Lord had managed to use him to defeat the only obstacle standing against him. And he had let him do it. He felt something wet roll on his cheek and his breath started to be frantic again.

'Just let it go Harry,' whispered Dumbledore while loosening his grip.

Every sob coming from the young boy was another wound in the Headmaster's heart. He had been blinded by his pride and his will to control everything. He thought he had been so clever. No one was allowed in. No one was allowed to know his secrets because he was the only one brilliant enough to forge the future where the Wizarding World would be at peace. The very same World that had turned against him and the only person he had allowed himself to care about since Ariana was dead. Was the greater good really worth the loss of the trust of one of the best human beings he had met in his life?

'I am so sorry, my boy,' he murmured as Harry's breath started to slow down.

He then released Harry completely and stood behind him for a few seconds. The boy's shoulders were still twitching a bit but the breathing was steadier. He walked to his desk and grabbed a glass that magically filled with cold water. He went back near Harry and handed it. The boy took it, his eyes still fixated on the ground. He was completely numb and machinally brought the glass to his lips. The first sip of water helped him gain some consciousness back. The second one cleared his mind.

'Thank you,' he muttered. If the situation wasn't that serious, he could have laughed at its irony. It was now his turn to avoid his Headmaster's eyes.

He felt a fresh hand press his forehead delicately.

'Does it hurt?' Asked Dumbledore gently.

'Not so much anymore.' He would have wanted this hand to stay forever. But the Headmaster pulled it back.

'Harry, I would like you to look at me.'

'I'm afraid that's not possible,' chuckled Harry bitterly. 'I refuse to let him control me again.'

His answer surprised the Headmaster. Harry had understood much more than he had anticipated.

'You can control it,' he replied in an encouraging tone.

'"It"', noted the boy acidly. 'Have you the slightest idea of what I am talking about?'

'Merely guesses,' recognized Dumbledore. 'But I trust you. You won't hurt me anymore.'

The old master was sincere. But Harry wasn't sure he could trust himself. Salazar's words came back to his mind. He had lost himself because he had been too weak to fight. All he had ever wanted was to stop being a prey. His new mastery of wandless magic had been a complete illusion that made him forget the fraud he was. He hadn't survived so far thanks to his skills, but because he had received the help he needed at the right time.

'Look at me,' repeated Dumbledore.

He would never know if it was foolishness or courage that made him raise his eyes. For the second time tonight, green met blue and the monster crawled furiously while his scar scorched him again.