Through Darkness and Light

Harry had looked for the manor during a full month as he had to go to France first and then travel to the area indicated by Tom. He had always come at the place by magic and only knew the name of the surrounding.

Broceliande. Bro-say-lian-de something like that.

He had crossed the Channel on his broom, and it had been exhausting as he had never faced winds so powerful. He had deviated several miles from the planned journey, therefore his first task had been to find where he was before finding his way. He had no Muggle money, but the Ministry wouldn't look for him here. From villages to villages, he had been able to set up a map of the region he was in. Bretagne…

The manor was in the Forest of Broceliande which was the most magical woods in all the Wizarding Worlds.

When he got out of it, he didn't immediately summon his Firebolt to escape. He walked a few hours under his Cloak and a few more without. He was exhausted physically, mentally, and magically. And what he had done tonight made him feel so ill. He wasn't better than any of them in the end.

He ended near a lake where he let himself fall on the soft ground. On the water he saw a reflection of himself. He looked truly miserable. He put his head in his hands and breathed deeply.

He was so far from everything.

'What did you ask me to do that?' He had felt Tom's presence near him. The Horcrux was awake.

'Can it help if I tell you that she knew you were doing her a favour?' Replied Tom softly.

'What do you mean?' He felt his eyes burn.

'Bella and I are the same on one point. We are afraid of death. When we were young, and already on the path that led me to become Voldemort, we swore that if anything should happen to each other, we would obliviate ourselves.'

'That way the Aurors couldn't kill you,' said Harry in low voice. 'But what's the point if you can't remember? You'd rather live without your memories than dying?'

Tom sat near him and looked at the lake. The moon had disappeared, and dawn wasn't so far away.

'Do you know why I am afraid of death?' He asked suddently. 'I know loneliness and I have always hated it. Being alone reminds me of my childhood. And the pain is beyond everything I have ever known. The blows, the insults… the abuses.' His voice froze in his throat. He seemed to be on the verge of crying. 'When I arrived at Hogwarts, I started to meet those who became then my followers. For the first time in my life, I had a family. And in the end, I discovered that I was more alone than I had ever been.'

'Well, I reckon you have a lot of Death Eaters,' replied Harry. 'You can't be that alone!'

'They do not care about the man,' smiled Tom sadly. 'It could be Grindelwald, Riddle or anyone else. What they truly care about is the ideal. The promises we, the leaders, make to have them believe in better tomorrows.' He turned towards Harry. 'It's all lies! I know it because I started to gather them under the very lie I had convinced myself of… Pureblood superiority,' he spat. 'The truth is they are afraid, all of them. We move toward a future where the glories of their ancestors are not enough to keep them at the top. They followed me because they thought I would keep them there.'

'And how does that make you afraid of death?'

'Because when I'll die, I'll have no one. People have already forgotten about Tom Riddle. I don't see why they should remember him in death.' He said in a low voice. 'This is why Bella and I had made the promise to each other to obliviate ourselves. If I don't remember who I am, then why would I care if anyone else doesn't?'

Harry stood quiet. He thought he was desperate, but this was a whole new level.

'Then why are you helping me to destroy your Horcruxes?'

'Because I am already dead. You helped me figure that out. I wanted to beat death, and to achieve this I split up my soul in so many pieces… But this is worse.' Tom chuckled bitterly. 'I defied Death and I lost. Guess no one found the way to trick Her and survive.' He sighed. 'I don't know maybe I thought that helping you repair my mistakes would be a kind of redemption or something like that. Anyway, I know that what I explained to you might not bring you solace, but I hope it'll help,' said Tom softly.

Harry stood quiet a few minutes.

'I have learnt how to obliviate people's minds in my second year,' he started in a strangled voice, 'and I was taught the Unforgivable Curses last year. I know how to cast those spells. But using them for real… When you asked me if I had it in me to go all the way, I was just thinking about my own death. I hadn't realised it also meant the atrocities I'd have to commit to succeed.' He turned his burning gaze toward Tom. 'I refuse to be like them! I am not an executioner!'

'If you don't toughen up,' said Tom with a cold voice, 'you'll never win. If you're not able to play by their own rules, they'll crush you.' Harry was withstanding his eyes. 'Little Gryffindor wants to play fair huh? It was easier to break the rules at Hogwarts, wasn't it?' He smirked. 'This is real life, Harry. If you get caught, there is no detention, no lines to copy or dungeons to scrub! If you get caught, it's the end. If you fail, you die. It's rough, it's cold, it's ruthless, it's life! Better get used to it!'

'Then I can't wait to die!' Replied Harry on the same tone.

'Stop acting like a child!' Tom was getting impatient. Where was Harry's reluctance coming from!? After all he had already done! 'What do we do then?! We give up?! You are going to try to knock at Hogwarts see if they want you back? Not gonna happen! You're not one of them anymore!'

'And I am not like Voldemort's followers either!' Shouted Harry.

'Never said you were,' replied Tom disdainfully. He considered Harry a few seconds. The boy was in the middle of nowhere, alone, and exhausted. Fighting was counterproductive. 'You aren't on any side, Harry,' he finally sighed. 'You aren't the Saviour of the Light side, and neither are you the Leader of the Dark Forces.' He stopped a few seconds. What he was about to say was critical. Harry had to understand. 'You're just a fifteen-years-old trying to do what's right. You're just trying to protect… And if you are cornered with no other options than what you had to do tonight, it's because others didn't have what it takes to do it instead.'

'Well,' said Harry with a calmer voice. 'There's no going back anyway now.'

Tom nodded. Harry stood up and swore.

'You're tired, Harry,' said Tom softly. 'You're in shock and I can see you're cold. There's no point overthinking this. Not tonight at least. Let's get you…' He had almost let the word "Home" slip. 'To the tent,' he finished quickly.

Harry wasn't fooled. He knew perfectly what Tom had almost said. His heart clenched so badly it almost took his breath away.

'Yeah, let's get out of here,' he finally said.

By the end of February, snow had almost completely melted from Hogwarts ground. Though Dumbledore was showing up more often to limit the abuses of Umbridge's authority, he was often absent. Nobody knew where he was going and why. But there were rumours he was looking for Harry. Maybe they were teaming up? The Ministry had noticed it and instead of deploying forces to track the Death Eaters that had escaped, they were sending Aurors to hunt Harry down. However, there was one Death Eater that had been caught.

When Ron and Hermione sat at Gryffindor's table one Tuesday morning, they noticed that Neville had a stern and focused face. He hadn't touched his food and in front of him was laying a copy of the Daily Prophet.

'Hey Neville,' said gently Hermione while approaching him, 'are you alright?'

Ron took the paper that Neville had been reading.

"Bellatrix Lestrange found wandering alone in the Broceliance Forest – France"

Ron froze and discreetly pulled Hermione's sleeve to show her the article. Bellatrix Lestrange had apparently lost all her memory. She was now declared mentally ill and couldn't be prosecuted. Her last days would be spent at St Mungo… This is where they had met Neville while visiting Ron' father. Harry hadn't been with them since he was still at Hogwarts, and they had found Neville, accompanied by his grandmother, visiting his parents. What they had learned this day had completely changed the way they were seeing their friend. His parents had been tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange before the Fall of You-Know-You. She had used the Cruciatus Curse in such a way they had lost their reason and memory. They couldn't even remember who they were or their son.

They both sat around Neville without saying a word.

'There is no amount of pain that woman could have endured that would have made up for what she did to my parents,' finally whispered Neville with a crisped voice. It was so low, only Ron and Hermione could hear what he was saying. 'This is so… unfair.' Ron and Hermione could sense his hatred tainting his tone. This was so unusual from Neville.

'I don't know who did this,' continued Neville with a heinous look towards Bellatrix's photo on the Prophet. Her haggard-eyed face could almost be innocent. 'We probably never will, and I really hope for them it remains this way. Because I learn their name, if I learn who spared her life…' He slowly grabbed the paper in his hands. 'I will make them pay.'