The world came into sharp focus immediately. She hadn't noticed how muffled the day felt before now. It was like trying to play by ear with the radio downstairs while being on the roof. Then she came downstairs and got the full blast of the music. In that way, she had been on the roof since yesterday (if not weeks ago) and when Sesshomaru asked her to consider- no, accept the proposals it was like the roof and all the floors beneath her gave out simultaneously and she was no face to face with an orchestra rather than radio.

It was enough to make her stop. Not enough to make her the around.

"What?"

"This Sesshomaru is sure you heard him, Miko"

"Nope, nope, nope. No. I am not dealing with this right now.-" She continued walking away. She wasn't quite sure where she was heading as long as it was away from this situation.

"Miko"

"There is no way in hell that either of them was serious. And I can't believe that you want me to! As far as you know I just came out of a difficult relationship with a man who never loved me and only felt obligated to be with me." She said as she whirled back to him.

She exploded. As each word left her lips it was a hammer straightening out the truth of her life. Each word sounded pathetic to her ears. This was her life, that she helped form to be this way. Unwanted, unloved, a fucking obligation.

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg! So, no I will not even consider their offers." She huffed and turned her back to him.

"You are overreacting, Miko."

"I'm overreacting? I feel that of the two of us I am the only one reacting to anything with the amount of severity and seriousness that it deserves."

He scoffed. He actually scoffed at her. That breath was the oxygen that the fire of her rage needed to grow.

"This Sesshomaru is attempting to guide your options for after this one has passed."

"Guide my options? Do you mean you want to pick my mate? What gives you the right to do interfere with my love life?"

"Seeing that you seem incapable of making good choices for yourself, yes."

"Who said I even want love or a relationship anymore?"

His silvery brow rocketed high into his matching bangs.

"If there is anything the past weeks, and that mediation has reinforced several things. Love is a crueller mistress than life itself and I am not one of the lucky to receive its blessings. You were right about Inuyasha all those years ago and you had the right idea about not wanting to know love in the romantic sense." Kagome gave a humourless laugh, "Part of me believes that is why you haven't confessed your feelings to that woman. If you're going to die then let it be somewhat on your terms, not because she blatantly rejected you, right?"

It finally made sense to Kagome, Sesshomaru's near-suicidal choice to keep mum. Some part of him was sure he would be rejected as his pride would not accept an outright rejection. But why would he be so sure she wouldn't return his affection? Maybe, she was unable to.

"You're in love with someone who is in love with someone else," she unconsciously said in shock. The alternative would be he fell in love with a lesbian (and to some extent that seemed ridiculous).

"She was happy with her choice-"

"And?"

"This one would not throw unnecessary doubts before her in regards to her choices. All that matters is she is happy."

"Happy? How are you so sure she's happy? You never know, she could have been settling for comfortable. Who is to say that you couldn't persuade her away from her choice into something better and she would have been happier for it?"

At this point, Kagome was not speaking about the mystery woman, she was speaking about herself. What she would have wanted. Sure, she would have had some reluctance at the prospect of Sesshomaru's interest in the beginning but she's sure she would have been eventually swayed- without him making any grand confessions (within two years of her return she had considered stepping on the threshold while only receiving his friendship). She also believed that she would have been happy with him if lover Sesshomaru was a fraction as doting as friend Sesshomaru or even better, expectant-father Sesshomaru. But she would never get to know, the same way that the woman he was in love with (if he ever showed her anything).

"You selfish, fucking coward!" She screamed as she stomped away the distance between them. "Because of your arrogance, you are taking away her chance for happiness her ability to choose. And now you want to take away my choice-"

"ENOUGH MIKO! This Sesshomaru is your Lord and Alpha and as such this one orders that you accept their proposal to court you until the time you have to choose between them at the end of your regency. Do you understand?"

Kagome stared at him in a mixture of shock and anger. Sesshomaru didn't just pull the "Lord" card on her, he pulled the "Alpha" card on her when he gave her that order. The Lord title meant that it was tantamount to a law, a personal decree on her person. She could fight it, of course, but she would have to go through a lengthy process to get it overturned. An Alpha command is one she could fight, not without fighting Sesshomaru for the position of Alpha or ex-communicating herself from the pack.

He tied her hands quite nicely.

"Fine." She grumbled as she walked past him, ensuring that she roughly shoulder-checked him when she did.

She slammed the study door open finding everyone still there. She took a deep breath and slapped on a smile, "Yasuhiro, Lord Takashi I accept your offers to court me until the end of my regency, where I will then make my choice. Now, if you excuse me, I want to rest from all the day's excitement."

She saw the questions formulate in their eyes before they could form against their lips and she fled. To her room. And barricaded the room with her power. Once she knew she was alone she flopped onto her bed and screamed. And screamed. And screamed. Then like a woman possessed she channelled all her pain and longing into writing a haunting piece. She wouldn't perform it, it was made specifically for a wind instrument, a shakuhachi to be exact (a type of flute) and Sesshomaru hated all flutes. His father learnt the instrument to seduce the human princess Izayoi who also played and Princess Sara who destroyed herself and many around her for him also played the instrument. The instrument was accursed and would not enter his home. So, even if she wanted to attack him with the song (and she didn't) she was physically unable to.

That doesn't mean she can't write the piece, Kami-damnit!

A tentative knock sounded on the door. It was a wrap of two quick knocks, followed by a slightly longer one repeated thrice that could only belong to one person. So she quickly fixed her face and slightly opened the door so that Ichiro could slide in.

"What brings you here moonbeam?" She asked with a hoarse voice.

"You did not come to lunch and father was upset."

Lunch? More time had passed than she thought.

"Your father has no one to be upset at but himself because he's an idiot."

Ichiro nodded solemnly at her assessment in an almost comically serious way for his age.

"Yasuhiro said that's why father lost consciousness; but I don't think father is an idiot. He's very smart."

"He lost consciousness?" she asked in shock and was answered with a hum that Sesshomaru may have been proud of.

The last time Sesshomaru fainted was April when he overexerted himself. Kagome's knee-jerk reaction was to rush to him and see if she could do anything to help him (she was angry at him but she didn't hate him despite him being an emotional idiot), but she only got as far as shifting her wait to stand. Her eyes were drawn to the little boy trying to read the sheet music scattered across her bed. Ichiro didn't come to her because she missed lunch, he wanted comfort and/or a distraction because his primary parental figure that he followed around (no offence to Ichika) was sick and there was nothing to be done. If she could change places with Sesshomaru to ensure that Ichiro kept his beloved father, she would. But the world didn't work like that, nor did his disease. So right now, she had to stay here with Ichiro.

"'Gome what's this?" he asked holding up a creamy piece of parchment.

"I can't remember," she said as she took it from him, "It came in this morning and has something to do with an arts festival in Fujisawa."

She took a few minutes to actually read the invitation while listening to Ichiro go crazy speculating the possibilities of what the festival would be like. A Lord Ryuuku wanted her to compete in a competition in honour of the Kami of music, literature, water, love and dragons: Benzaiten. Normally, she would ignore the invite purely on the basis of being asked to take part in a competition but she could not ignore the prize. If she won, she had a chance to meet the goddess herself and be granted a wish.

Divine fucking intervention if she ever saw it.

"Hey, moonbeam. Do you want to help me prepare a song for this festival we're going to?"

His eyes opened up wide before his expression dropped, "Would father let me go?"

"He better, he owes me one"

I'm conflicted right now. should i add a climatic sex scene or would it cheapen the story? Is the next chapter the last one as i had planned or do I need another one? How sad is too sad?

Also, really sorry for what's going to happen in the next chapter.