Chapter 15 – With Kevin and Whitney
Brittany…
The weeks passed like it was nothing. On one hand it made her feel excited because she couldn't wait to finally leave high school behind but on the other hand it meant that she was going to have to graduate first.
Her grades didn't get remarkably better but with Quinn's, Blaine's and Santana's help it did make a difference. She wasn't terrible anymore but still not great, either. As long as she was going to graduate it didn't matter to her.
She spent most of her weekends studying with her friends or alone. There wasn't too much time for her dance sessions anymore because now that she was on the cheerios, she also had practice all the time. It was good though…
It kept her busy and therefore her mind off things that she'd worry about otherwise. Like how she was ever going to afford living on her own. Or what it was going to be like when her mom got out of jail.
Or if her feelings for Santana were going to ruin their friendship eventually. Because they didn't seem to go away. Whenever they saw each other, she was the happiest. When they said goodbye, she was sad.
She kind of knew that Santana felt the same way, yet they never spoke about it openly. Sometimes it made her feel like she was about to go insane. Whenever they hung out after school until late at night… when they were kissing like couples do.
But they weren't a couple.
That's what made her feel crazy. When they were alone they acted like they were more than just friends. When they were surrounded by other people, it all went away. Except for the looks and the sore feeling inside Brittany's chest.
However… the soreness always got replaced with sweetness as soon as they spent a couple minutes alone. Just like that night they watched The Bodyguard for the first time.
Santana had sneaked out of her house after dinner and when Brittany opened the door to let her inside the trailer, she couldn't stand to see those dark and sad eyes. Santana explained that her dad once again was drunk in the living room so she brought her brothers to her abuela and then hurried over to Brittany's place. She felt like doing something that would lift her spirits.
Brittany showed her a new video cassette that aunt Patty had bought the other day.
"We planned to watch it together but I'll just pretend like I haven't seen it after you and I watch it. If you're up for it."
Santana's eyes widened when she took the movie from Brittany's hand.
"Is this The Bodyguard? I can't believe your aunt bought it! I have never seen it. I always wanted to! When it first aired in theaters my dad wouldn't allow me to go watch it with my abuela."
Brittany grinned at her proudly. She loved it when she was able to provide something that made Santana feel good.
"And I can't believe you haven't seen it in the meantime because you're like weirdly obsessed with Whitney Houston…" Brittany replied when she pointed towards the small couch. Santana followed her invitation and sat down with a big smile.
"What? I'm not obsessed." Brittany gave her a meaningful look when she put the movie into the VCR. "I just adore her music. It's… powerful."
Brittany went to grab some snacks and drinks in the small kitchen and when she returned to sit down next to Santana, she almost put her arm around the girl's shoulders.
She never really knew where to draw the line so she often chose to be hesitant and wait for Santana to make the first move. Which usually didn't take too long…
It was about 20 minutes into the movie when Santana put her hand on Brittany's thigh instead the popcorn bowl. Brittany swallowed. Sometimes she couldn't believe what one single touch made her feel.
"Where is aunt Patty by the way?" Santana wanted to know without looking away from the TV.
"She's with her boyfriend and likes to stay there over night sometimes."
She could see Santana's smirk from the corner of her eye.
"She has a boyfriend? Like for real?"
Brittany chuckled. It was still funny to her, too.
"Yeah… he seems like a good guy. They're totally in love."
This time they exchanged a look. Just a short one but it basically made Brittany's heart jump out of her chest. Instead of saying anything or using the opportunity to talk to Santana about certain things, she kept her mouth shut and they continued watching the movie in silence.
At one point Santana sighed contently.
"She's so pretty…" She mumbled. Brittany couldn't help but nod in agreement. "I mean her skin is like-"
"Perfection." Brittany finished her sentence.
Santana chuckled knowingly.
"Yeah and her voice…"
"So beautiful."
It was easy for them to talk about stuff like that. Then why was it hard to talk about themselves?
She tried to get rid of those questions in her head. It wasn't helping. So she thought of a distraction.
"Wanna do the dance?"
Santana glanced at her and then back at the TV.
"Like them?" She pointed at the scene happening in front of them where the characters were dancing at a bar to a slow song.
Brittany nodded.
"Yeah. Like Whitney and Kevin."
It made Santana laugh with an eyeroll.
"You mean Rachel Marron and Frank Farmer."
Brittany grinned. She knew perfectly well that they were playing a role but in her head the two of them just made so much sense together. She loved watching their chemistry.
"You totally want them to be a couple in real life, don't you?" Santana read her thoughts. Brittany nodded excitedly.
"They're just so cute!"
Santana shook her head when she watched how Brittany got up and waved her over to join her in front of the TV.
"Please" Brittany begged, already moving to the music. Santana eventually gave in and made her way over to Brittany.
"This is silly…" She mumbled when Brittany took her hands and guided them around her neck.
"You didn't think it was silly when we danced at prom." Brittany pointed out while wrapping her arms around Santana's middle.
They started dancing back and forth slowly, just like the couple on TV. It felt really nice. Brittany never wanted to dance with anyone else ever again.
Santana stayed silent. They gazed into each other's eyes for a while until Brittany pulled her just a couple inches closer. She really wanted to kiss her and since Santana hadn't gone any further than putting her hand on Brittany's thigh, she tried to be a little more courageous this time.
When their lips grazed gently against each other, she automatically closed her eyes. It was so special to have Santana this close to her. She always thought that their bodies fit perfectly. She was a little taller and so she could hold her like she was protecting her.
She would have protected her from anything…
She still hadn't gotten used to the feeling of Santana's lips against her own. It was overwhelming. Every single time. They were soft and warm, sometimes hungry but mostly gentle.
Between two kisses Brittany gathered all her courage. She tilted her head towards the TV.
"I'll always protect you, too."
Santana opened her eyes. Her expression went from curious to bashful.
"I'm serious…" Brittany went on. "If something ever happened to you – I think I'd…" She swallowed. The thought of Santana getting hurt or sick or being unhappy literally made her heart sting.
"Brittany" Santana said with the softest voice. "You don't have to be worried about me. I'll be fine… when you get out of here, I'll be fine."
The lump in Brittany's throat seriously ached. She never wanted to picture a life where Santana wasn't in it. She needed her in it.
But she knew that Santana was only speaking the truth. One day she was going to leave this town behind because she simply couldn't stay here.
"We could go together" Brittany breathed. Her voice was super weak because she didn't believe herself when she said it. She wanted it. Very much so.
Santana's eyes made her doubt it was ever going to happen.
When Santana again didn't say anything in return, Brittany felt her hands instead. They were grabbing Brittany's cheeks gently. Then their lips were back against each other. Santana must have sensed that Brittany wanted to say something else but she apparently wasn't ready. She only started kissing her with more determination.
Brittany didn't exactly mind… she loved making out with Santana more than anything.
So they didn't talk again… there was going to be a better moment than this.
She wrapped her arms tightly around Santana's middle, holding her as close as possible while their lips melted against each other.
They somehow managed to stumble back to the couch without their mouths ever disconnecting. It caused their foreheads to bump against each other when Brittany landed on top of Santana.
Between giggles, kisses and trying to get some oxygen, she realized that their position was doing something to her she had never felt before.
Sure she had felt that sensation between her legs whenever their kisses had gotten a little steamier in the past couple weeks. But this time she felt it a lot more intensely. It was because she was still in that protector mode. She was hovering over the girl she cared so much for and imagined what it would be like to make Santana feel everything.
Everything… while being held and protected. She supported her weight on one side of Santana's upper body while her other hand was holding Santana's against her chest.
She needed Santana to know how fast her heart was beating. If she couldn't talk to her then she at least had to show her. Santana must have felt it even through the fabric of her sweater. It was racing… that's what Santana made her feel just by lying underneath her. Well… especially because she had one leg between Brittany's and vice versa.
She didn't know for how long they were making out on that tiny sofa. But by the time the movie credits were rolling, her lips were sore, her body close to overheating and Santana breathing erratically underneath her.
She really wanted to take off her sweater, but she didn't want to ruin the moment by doing something Santana maybe wasn't up for.
Judging by one glimpse at her face she probably wouldn't have minded. Her cheeks were red and her lips puffy. Brittany was still reluctant.
Only when Santana's free hand started tugging at the hem, Brittany opened her eyes once more to make sure.
"Take it off" Santana whispered between two kisses. Even though it was more than clear that Brittany was now allowed to do what she wanted she held back. She wasn't wearing a bra, only a thin tank top underneath her sweater.
When warm fingertips tickled the skin on her lower back, Brittany gave in. She pushed her body up to quickly pull her sweater over her head. The tank top underneath was sticking to it so it almost came off, too.
Brittany bit her lip when she saw the way Santana's eyes widened at the glimpse she must have gotten.
"Sorry" Brittany mumbled before lowering herself back onto Santana's body. Santana only shook her head. She started fumbling at the zipper of her own hoodie, so Brittany once more pushed herself up to help her.
It was a shock to her brain when she realized that Santana was wearing a bra underneath. As in only a bra.
Brittany stared at her bare stomach. It was flat and tanned, hints of abs making her almost dizzy. There wasn't too much time to look though because Santana pulled her back down only to guide their lips and tongues back together, her body naturally moving against hers.
The way Santana's thigh kept hitting her right at that spot between her legs made her press her eyelids tightly together. It felt so amazingly good but she also had to focus not to lose control over her movements.
Apparently it was also working for Santana because she kept holding on to Brittany's upper arm tighter. With every push of her hips against Santana's, the brunette started exhaling a shaky breath.
Brittany could see that she was trying to hold back whatever she was feeling inside. The way she bit her lip almost made it seem as if she was feeling guilty for feeling pleasure. She didn't want that. She wanted Santana to feel good. To enjoy it as much as Brittany was enjoying it.
She cupped Santana's right cheek with her hand to get her attention. When brown eyes looked up at her, Brittany felt a connection that had never been there before.
It gave her the confidence to let her hand wander down Santana's neck and over her collarbone. Her skin was so warm. Brittany loved the way her skin felt under her fingertips but when she touched the fabric of Santana's bra, she nearly lost it.
Before she could change her mind or lose courage, Brittany pushed herself to do it and put her hand on Santana's chest.
The girl underneath her sighed at the bold touch but quickly eased into it. Brittany guided their lips together for another kiss otherwise she definitely would have lost control. The way Santana seemed to like what Brittany was doing got her so excited. It gave her the confidence to squeeze her breast and eventually let her fingers slide underneath the cup of the bra.
She held her breath when she touched Santana like that. Nothing had ever made her feel this way. Like there couldn't be anything more exciting than this. Santana's breath hit her cheek where it almost burned her skin.
"Is this ok?" Brittany needed to know when she looked down at Santana. There was no way she could stop touching her now but she needed to hear that Santana was ok.
The brunette nodded quickly.
"Yeah" She breathed before guiding their mouths back together for a long overdue kiss.
Brittany tried to savor every single second of these glorious minutes. She knew they weren't going to last forever and that maybe things would be weird between them if they really went down that road. But it felt too good to think about it further.
She wanted to live in this moment and take it all in. So she pushed her sorrows away and kissed Santana deeply while letting their hips move against each other. It was glorious… so much so that she almost didn't notice what it was doing to her body and her insides. When she realized that her own breathing became more and more intense and her moves against Santana got less controlled, she feared she was going to be there way too soon.
She didn't know how to hold back. The way Santana's breast felt in her hand and their tongues kept finding each other… it drove her insane. She already wanted to push herself off in order to give her body a break but then Santana only grabbed her harder. She panted something against the crook of Brittany's neck. Brittany wasn't sure what she said but it sounded like she shouldn't stop. So she kept on pushing against her even though her stomach muscles were already getting sore.
Santana gasped when Brittany started sucking on the skin of her neck. She couldn't help it. She was so close to exploding that she needed some kind of relief.
Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany and held her so incredibly close when her body started shaking and jerking underneath. The way their cheeks pressed against each other and how something between a moan and a cry escaped Santana's mouth was everything that Brittany needed to let go just seconds later. While she held her breath, everything that had felt so good intensified to a maximum she didn't even know existed.
She held on to Santana during those intense seconds that made her question everything she had ever believed before. She started breathing through her mouth heavily, then warmth spread over her body like a blanket. From head to toe. From inside to outside.
This was how it felt when you were with someone in that way. This was why everyone made a big deal of it.
It was a big deal… she just didn't know before.
Why didn't they ever show on TV the way she felt? She had only ever pictured it in her head so far.
"Are you ok?" Brittany panted against Santana's neck. She pressed a few kisses there until she dared to look into the brunette's face. What she saw there confirmed her thoughts.
Santana was already gazing at her through hooded eyes but they were determined. Kind of as if she knew exactly what it all meant. Brittany knew, too but also she was clueless. It was a weird sensation in her chest.
It wasn't a bad cluelessness… it felt rather peaceful in a way.
Maybe it was also the fact that every single muscle in her body was relaxed. She felt so warm...
Santana nodded at Brittany's question and the hint of a smile made her feel relieved. She threw a glance over her shoulder to see that the movie had long ago ended.
She exhaled a chuckle.
"Oh… did you by any chance get how the movie ended?"
Santana's short laugh made their chests vibrate.
"Uhm… I was kind of occupied with something else."
Brittany smirked knowingly. Then she pointed at the glass of water on the coffee table.
"Do you want something to drink?"
Santana nodded thankfully. Brittany pushed herself off Santana to get the glass and handed it to her. She watched how Santana sat up, too and took a few sips. Brittany couldn't help but let her eyes wander over the brunette's upper body. There where she had touched her minutes ago.
Once Santana had finished the water they sat in silence for a while. Both trying to comprehend what just happened.
Eventually they put their shirts back on and Brittany rewound everything they had missed of the movie. At first it was awkward to sit next to each other, their bodies no longer touching after they had been connected so intimately before.
Were they not going to talk about it? She didn't think she was going to be able to just sit next to Santana, pretending as if nothing happened. They could do that when other people were around but not when they were alone.
"Brittany…" Santana said right before Brittany could open her mouth. "What just happened – I don't know what to think about it. I mean I…" She fell silent when she didn't find the words to continue. Brittany threw a look to her side.
Santana silently shook her head, honestly confused.
"I obviously liked it but… I have no idea what to do now."
Brittany nodded. She wanted to reach out and squeeze Santana's hand but she didn't know if that was ok. Maybe Santana needed space.
"We don't have to do anything." Brittany spoke up after a moment of gathering her thoughts. She glanced to her side to find Santana already looking back at her. The hidden desperation in her eyes as well as the slightly reddened cheeks were really… cute.
"We can just watch the movie. Nothing else."
Santana nodded softly.
"Alright" She mumbled and turned her head back towards the TV. Brittany did the same but she could feel how Santana wasn't relaxing.
After a few minutes of trying to follow the plot of the movie, Santana spoke up again.
"Not doing anything isn't helping. It feels weird." She commented.
Brittany wondered what to do. She hadn't exactly been in a situation like this, either.
She turned her head to meet Santana's eyes once more.
"Well" Brittany began. When the rest of the sentence didn't come to her mind, she just did what felt most natural in that moment.
She lifted her arm and tilted her head. Santana blinked twice, then she silently followed Brittany's invitation to come closer. She settled right next to her, letting her head rest against Brittany's shoulder.
It felt really nice. Against her expectations, Santana quickly eased into the touch, too.
They were in fact doing nothing. It felt like so much more at the same time.
The movie played in front of them and while Kevin and Whitney were falling for each other, Brittany fell deeper for Santana.
She knew it. She knew it more than anything. She didn't just fancy her. Or her pretty dark hair that scented like vanilla. She didn't just like her because she was funny and beautiful and so smart. She was the smartest person Brittany knew…
She had been falling for her ever since she realized how caring Santana was. When it came to Quinn or her brothers… maybe she had been falling ever since the very first day when they met at Schuester's bar. It was hard to not get lost in her eyes when they spoke that day. Not to blush when Santana folded that little napkin mouse for her.
She was falling for her friend and there was no ground in sight that would hold her back.
/
Santana…
She could basically hear the clock ticking in the kitchen. She wasn't even anywhere near the kitchen but just the thought of her dad sitting at the table, waiting for Santana to get home only to yell at her, made her imagine the loud and heavy ticking. It was way past her curfew, but her dad usually wasn't sober enough to tell the time.
"Thank you for driving me home" Santana said after a minute of sitting in the car in silence.
Brittany gave her a warm smile.
"No problem. Are you gonna be ok?"
Santana nodded without knowing for sure if she was ok.
"I had a really great time tonight" She said instead. "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to talk about… what we did. I'm sure I'll be able to do so sometime. Soon…"
Brittany seemed to be ok with that and thankfully didn't push Santana to say anything else.
"Sleep tight" Brittany whispered when they leaned over at the same time for a kiss goodnight.
Their lips touched so warmly and gently that Santana got reminded of how deeply they had kissed earlier that night and what it had done to her insides. For a second she got tempted to stay. To just go back to Brittany's place and get lost in her all night.
But she knew that wasn't going to happen. As long as she lived here in this house, she was always going to be scared of the consequences of her actions. There were rules she had to follow. That was that.
She got out of the truck and looked over her shoulder before opening the front door. She met Brittany's warm eyes over the distance.
It was crazy in a way. How Brittany's presence could make her feel safe when she didn't think she was.
She couldn't wait to live in her own house one day. No matter how impossible it seemed at the moment. She was going to get out of this place and into a better life.
/
It was on the following Monday that Santana found the courage to talk to Brittany. She had thought about what to say all weekend. She wanted to tell her that she wasn't scared. Well… she was scared but she wasn't scared of being scared.
Or something like that.
She just needed to let Brittany know that things were ok. More than ok. She loved the way she had felt with her that night. She kind of wanted to do it again. If Brittany wanted it, too.
And she needed Brittany to know that she wasn't ashamed.
Maybe she was sometimes scared of what people would say or do but she wasn't ashamed of feeling the way she felt.
So when Brittany approached Santana's locker in her cheerio's uniform, she had it all in her head. The words and the things she wanted her to know. She didn't want to hurt Brittany so it was only fair to tell her certain things.
But when the blonde was only three steps away, all the confidence vanished. The blue eyes, the charming smile – they should have given Santana the needed push. Instead they made her knees go weak and her heart race fast.
She blurted some incomprehensible words and tried to save the situation by pretending she had a coughing fit. It was pathetic.
"Do you want to go watch a movie with me and Blaine tonight?" Brittany wanted to know when they started walking down the hallway, oblivious to Santana's inner chaos.
"A movie?" Santana remembered what happened the last time they watched a movie together. Her cheeks must have started glowing because they sure felt incredibly hot. "Sure. Yeah totally. That'd be great."
Brittany grinned at her.
"Awesome. Blaine said he's going to pay for all the popcorn."
Santana tried to mimic the happiness on Brittany's face but wasn't sure if it was working because the blonde's expression turned into slight worry.
"Are you ok? You seem a little flustered. Don't you have to write an essay today?" Brittany put a hand on Santana's lower back.
"Huh?"
She realized Brittany was only doing that to make sure Santana wasn't colliding with a group of cheerleaders but the innocent touch made her feel tingles all over everywhere.
"I thought you said something about an essay last week."
Santana cleared her throat.
"Oh! Yes… yes! The essay. Later on."
Brittany checked her out with slightly narrowed eyes.
"Are you sure you're ok?"
Santana nodded quickly, not knowing what she could possibly say next in order not to make a complete fool of herself. Why was Brittany so cool when she was so lost?
"Of course, I'm just… well actually I kind wanted to – wanted to tell you that… that I-"
"Santana! Brittany!"
They both turned their heads to see who was looking for them all excited and apparently in a hurry.
"Jake! What's going on?" Brittany wanted to know. He knocked everyone and everything out of the way until he came to a stumbling halt in front of them.
"The baby!" He panted. "It's coming!"
Brittany and Santana both gasped in surprise.
"Now? Isn't it like two weeks too early?" Santana wondered.
Jake nodded but couldn't hide his excited grin.
"I know but apparently it really wants to be born today. My mom is going to pick me up any minute and I just wanted to let you know. Will you come by the hospital later today?"
"Of course!" Brittany said with laughter when Jake was almost tripping over his own feet. He smiled and wanted to run off but Brittany called him back once more.
"Hey Jake!" He turned around, pure bliss written across his face. "You're gonna be a Dad."
He grinned at Brittany, letting those words sink in for a moment. Then he smiled at both of them before running towards the school's exit.
Brittany turned to face Santana, her eyes sparkling.
"Oh my God… can you believe it?" She mumbled while cupping her own cheeks with her hands.
Santana slowly shook her head.
"No… this is crazy. There's going to be a tiny new human in a couple hours."
"I know" Brittany agreed. "Nothing's ever going to be the same." She chuckled.
Santana swallowed. Brittany was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her. The joy in her eyes and that undying motivation for something bigger. Santana almost couldn't take it all in.
"I tell you what." Brittany said with a look at her watch. "You go write that essay like the pro that you are." She tapped Santana's forehead with the tip of her finger. "And afterwards you meet me at the parking lots. We can pick up a present on the way and then we welcome the baby together. Deal?" She grinned winningly at Santana.
"Deal" Santana answered. It only came out as a breath of air but it didn't matter. Brittany was already heading off with flying steps to wherever she had to be next.
Santana couldn't help herself when she checked out the blonde from behind. That skirt was really something…
She knew now that nothing was going to be the same. But who wanted old when you could have new. As long as new felt this good, she was up for it.