ESPOV
"Morning." I call to the ladies at the circulation desk as I clock in for the day.
"Good morning." They are always so cheery in the morning.
"How's the little princess?" Judi asks and I smile as my hand automatically wanders to my stomach.
"She's good. She kicked me a couple times through the night, but she's calmed down now. Anytime her daddy is around, she is awake and active."
"Well you'll just have to tell daddy to sleep in a different room." She laughs.
"Yeah that'll happen." I tell her sarcastically which only makes her laugh harder. There's no way Carlisle would ever let me sleep alone all night. He leaves sometimes to talk to the kids on the phone or catch a quick hunt but never all night.
"Well that just means he can get up with her after she's born." Debbie, my manager, tells me.
"He'll probably want to. He can't seem to get enough of her now, and she's still in my belly."
They both say a collective "aw" before going back to their desks. Judi and I stay at the circulation desk on opposite ends to allow patrons to check out books in more than one place. Debbie goes into her office which is beside the circulation desk, but has a glass wall so that she can see the desk and the front half of the library.
The first thing I do when I get to work in the morning is check my email, if there's nothing that needs my attention, I start shelving books that have been checked in.
My work keeps me pretty busy, and before I know it, it's lunchtime.
"I'm going to grab some lunch. Do you need anything?" I ask Judi as I grab my purse.
"Nope. Enjoy yourself. Say hi to Carlisle for me."
"Will do."
It's another warm day in Washington, but the sun is hidden deep behind the clouds. I breathe in the smell of spring flowers and freshly cut grass as I walk across the street to the hospital. The first few times I met Carlisle for lunch, I got lost in the hospital hallways and he had to come find me. It was kind of fun to see his vampire tracking at work. I still don't know my way around very well, but I can make it to his office with no problem.
The door to Carlisle's office is half-open when I get there and I can hear him talking to his intern, Sarah, inside.
"Make sure those charts are dictated and on my desk before you go home tonight."
"No problem, Dr. Cullen."
"And monitor Mr. Arnold's potassium levels. If they drop, even just a little, I want to be notified immediately."
"Of course."
The shuffling of feet tells me that they're talk is over, and my guess is confirmed when Sarah come barreling out of the door. I have just enough time to step out of the way and catch myself on the wall so I don't fall on my butt.
"Oh my gosh, Esme, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, Sarah. I'm off balance these days. Don't worry about it."
She nods and runs off down the hall, her hair falling out of her loose ponytail as she goes.
Carlisle's office is pretty plain, but it has livened up since my first visit. There's a plant in the corner (which I brought him), and pictures of us all over his desk. There's even one of my sweaters that I accidentally left here draped over the arm of the couch. My favorite part of the room is the framed ultrasound picture sitting proudly on Carlisle's bookshelf.
I walk right over to Carlisle who is sitting in his giant office chair and crawl into his lap. His arms automatically wind themselves around me, one hand finding it's way to my belly, and I rest my face in the crook of his neck. Just like every day, we spend a few minutes of our lunch break just feeling each other. His scent fills my nose and I immediately feel relaxed and at peace.
"You shouldn't be so hard on Sarah. She looks like she's been put through the ringer."
"She's an intern. If I didn't push her hard, I would be doing a disservice to her. She has to learn what it's like to work in a hospital." He says kissing my forehead and inhaling my scent.
"I still don't think it's fair."
He chuckles.
"It's not supposed to be fair. Interns pick up the slack. I had to do it when I was one, and now they do too. Of course, when I was an intern I didn't sleep and I was extremely fast which made doing the grunt work easier."
"Showoff" I grumble into his neck mostly just so I can hear his laugh, which I'm rewarded with. As always his happiness makes me smile.
"You look beautiful, angel." Carlisle says changing the subject.
"Thank you." I tell him, looking down to admire my outfit of a patterned yellow and white skirt, a turquoise cardigan layered over a white shirt, and is topped with a chunky yellow necklace.
"You're welcome. How are you feeling today?" Carlisle asks after a minute.
"Good. A little tired, but that's to be expected when you have a soccer player inside of you all night."
Carlisle growls and a large wave of possessiveness rolls through him to me.
"There better not be any soccer players inside of you."
I laugh loudly.
"You know that's not what I meant."
"I know." He grumbles. "I just miss you. I think spending all of this time apart has enhanced my protective instincts."
"You see me every afternoon and evening."
"It's not enough." His words are muffled as he buries his face in my neck.
"It would never be enough." I whisper running my fingers through his hair.
"I know." He sighs. "We need a vacation."
I laugh and he looks at me confused.
"We just went on a vacation."
"That was ages ago."
"That was not even two months ago."
"See? Ages."
I just shake my head and let him pout. The only thing that could distract Carlisle from me right now is Peanut, and right on cue my stomach lets out a ferocious growl. Carlisle sighs loudly before lifting his head from my neck.
"Do you want to go out or order in?"
"Let's order in. I don't feel like sharing you."
"Sounds perfect."
Carlisle picks up his phone and calls the deli down the street. He knows my order by now so I just curl closer to him and nuzzle into his neck. I can't help but kiss the soft skin in front of my face and Carlisle's voice shakes when I do. Hmm interesting. Opening my mouth I let the heat of my lips seep into his skin before placing an open mouth kiss just under his jaw. His voice breaks completely and he clears his throat before speaking again. His arm around my waist squeezes me and I just giggle into his neck.
"Okay, thank you." He growls into the phone before hanging up and throwing it onto his desk. "You are a tempting creature, Esme." He whispers and kisses my lips softly.
After my signature turkey club and broccoli cheese soup, it's time for both of us to go back to work. This is always the hardest part of the day for us—enjoying only a little time together and then having to separate again.
"Do you want me to walk you back?" Carlisle asks as we stand by his office door holding onto each other.
"No that's okay. I can make it across the street on my own." I nudge him and he smiles.
"I know you can, but I like to make sure."
"It will be fine. I'll see you at home later." I lean up to place a kiss on his lips and he gladly meets me halfway.
"I should be home by six—seven at the latest."
"Sounds good." He interrupts me with another soft kiss that lasts way longer than expected.
"Have a nice rest of your day." Carlisle whispers against my lips.
"Mmhmm" I moan against him.
His hands hold on my upper arms as our tongues tangle together and I'm surprised when he pushes me away. His chest heaves with each breath and his eyes are black.
"Go now, sweetheart…before I throw you on my couch and take advantage of your sinful body."
God that sounds so good, but I can't be late for work.
"I'll see you later. I love you." I whisper huskily tracing his bottom lip with the tip of my finger.
"I love you too." He growls and lunges at me. I giggle as I run from him out into the hallway.
His blinding smile is the last thing I see before heading down the hallway, back to reality.
"Alright everybody, let's shift into Warrior 1 pose. Keep those hips forward and make sure to breathe. Inhale the cool, exhale the conflict."
I roll my eyes as I try to wiggle my body into this ridiculous stance. The woman on this dvd is entirely too happy and skinny. This is a dvd for pregnancy yoga, but there's no way that toothpick is pregnant. Carlisle got me this yoga equipment because apparently "it promotes health for mother and baby". Now I'm dressed in a pink and blue sports bra and black spandex capris, and I look like a proper whale.
"Keep that back heel down ladies, and remember to breathe."
I want to throw my water bottle at the TV, but instead I close my eyes and focus on my breath.
Switching to the Goddess pose which feels and looks remarkably like a squat, I feel like a fat potato.
"Come on ladies, make the backs of your thighs smile." What does that even mean?
"We carry a lot of anger in our thighs. It's time to let that go. Release that anger."
This lady is certifiably insane.
I'm covered in sweat by the end of the video. Who knew that yoga could be this excruciating? I'm doing a wide-legged forward fold—well I'm attempting to with my belly in the way. My legs are about shoulder width apart and I'm completely bent over attempting to touch the floor when I feel cold hands on my hips. I squeal and jump up, but Carlisle catches me and pulls my back to his chest.
"This is a wonderful welcome home, love." He says kissing my neck and I cringe away from him.
"I'm all sweaty and gross. How can you find this appealing at all?"
"Because I adore you and your body. There's absolutely nothing you could do that I would find unappealing."
"You're crazy."
"And you're gorgeous."
He spins me around to face him and he kisses my sweaty lips. His hands go to my bare belly and he groans. His lips travel down my neck kissing the wet skin and I shiver as his wet breath hits me. He moans when he sees my breasts almost popping out of my sports bra—they've grown quite a bit and nothing seems to be able to contain them anymore.
"You're a siren, Esme; showing me everything I could ever want. Only in this reality, I get to have every piece of it."
"Carlisle…" I whisper.
"What? Tell me."
I lean up to whisper in his ear.
"I wasn't done with my workout."
"You are now. You can work out with me."
He picks me up and runs up the stairs and I can hear the annoying yoga lady chanting "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe."
Setting me on the bedroom carpet, he takes a step back.
"Show me some other yoga positions you learned."
I blush and turn with my back to him. Warrior 1 and 2 are pretty simple as is the Goddess pose, but when I get to the Cat+Cow pose (basically on my hands and knees with my back arched), he growls.
"Esme I have to have you." He murmurs and I nod.
There's a tearing sound and I can feel that my entire lower body is exposed. With a few quick snaps, my bra falls limply to the floor.
"You're spectacular." Carlisle whispers running his hands along my back and down to my butt. I can feel him right behind me as he takes my cheeks in his hands. Suddenly I'm transported back to my last sexual experience with Charles when he tried to force anal sex on me. I scream and buck away, managing to get to my feet and run. There's no door on the bathroom, so I run into the closet and slam the door. I curl up as small as I can in the corner and pull my legs up to my chest; something's preventing my thighs from meeting my chest and I look down to see my big pregnant belly. Wait. That's not right. I wasn't this big when that night happened. Peanut kicks me in that moment and I know that she definitely wasn't doing that when I was with Charles. The white noise in my ears and spots in my vision start to subside as I realize that I'm not in Charles' house. I left him. He's dead. Carlisle would never let anything happen to me. Carlisle. My head snaps up and I can feel the panic leaving my body.
"Esme!" I hear Carlisle on the other side of the door. "Esme please. Let me in."
I can't move or even speak. I can feel his fear and guilt on top of my panic.
"Angel, please. Just let me know if you're okay. I need to know you're okay."
I try to speak but all that comes out is air.
"If I don't hear confirmation that you are not injured, I'm coming in."
"Carlisle" I croak and I hear his sigh of relief.
"Sweetheart are you okay? Can I come in? What do you need?"
"I need you."
He's standing in front of me before I can even blink. I raise my arms to him like a child begging to be picked up and he gathers me into his arms. He settles into the carpet with my shaking body clinging to him like a chimp, and runs his fingers through my hair. Peanut is kicking a storm as she feels her daddy against her and it makes me smile slightly.
"I'm sorry." I whisper into his shoulder. I'm incredibly embarrassed and I know he can feel it. We're sitting wrapped around each other completely naked because I interrupted our love making.
"Don't." He murmurs. "Don't apologize. This is my fault. We were trying something new and I should have discussed it with you. I'm sorry."
I burst into tears and he pulls me tighter to him. Will I ever be rid of Charles? He still controls me even from the grave. I can't even try a new sexual position with the man I love because of him. He ruined me forever. I thought I was getting better, but I'm clearly not.
"Esme. Hey. Talk to me."
I'm sobbing at this point and can't get any words out.
"Love please. I need to know what's wrong. Please calm down and tell me. I'm sorry for scaring you. Are you angry at me? Are you scared? Tell me what's got you so upset so I can fix it."
"Still…under…his…control…" I sob into his skin.
"Baby no you're not. You are free. This is just a little bump in the road. We have forever to get to know each other. There's no rush. Hey look at me." He demands in a soft but sure voice and I do as he says. His expression is serious and intense as he frames my face with his hands. "He has no power here. Do you hear me? This is just me and you. He is not in our house and especially not in our bedroom. If you're scared, I'll destroy every one of your fears. If you're happy, I'll do everything to prolong your happiness. If you're sad, I'll wipe away every tear. This is Carlisle and Esme—no one else. We will work through anything that comes our way, and we'll do it together. Do you understand?"
I nod and he kisses my forehead.
"Come on sweetheart. Let's go lay down."
He picks me up effortlessly in his arms and I'm dead weight as he walks slowly into our bedroom. He doesn't bother putting me down, he just climbs into bed while still holding me.
"Can you…do you know what triggered it?" he asks softly and I know he's scared to trigger another panic attack.
"I think it was um the position with you behind me. That's how we were when Charles tried to force me to…um and also you grabbed my bottom and…exposed me. Anything with my…bottom is hard for me."
"Thank you for telling me, angel. I will be more careful from now on."
"I know." I look up in his face so he can see how serious I am. "Panic attack or not, I know you would never ever hurt me. I trust you."