Welcome! So, I recently finished Surface Tension, and near the end I began thinking I should take a break. I've written many stories over the years, the majority of them are Van and Hitomi continuations. I love Escaflowne, it's a passion… or obsession depending on who you ask. The ending left so much room to explore this world that was created so lovingly. It doesn't matter if you are an original fangirl or a new convert Escaflowne speaks to us all. I've had ideas for AUs, but working with the characters in the world with so much lore and unanswered questions has always been my passion.
It comes to a point where you ask what else is left. The reunions, action, drama it's not new anymore. Trying not to say the same things in different stories becomes an actual task. How many times have I talked about the light from the 'sister moons'?
So, here I was determined to step back and you know what happened. I had to drive, a lot, like eight hours at a time. Listening to the same music, talking to myself, and it happened. I got hit with the muse bat. Not once but servral times.
I plotted out 5 new stories. An AU drama named Not Quite Normal. A Continuation that takes place only six months after the series called Bitter Medicine. A one shot or short story called Almost There. A drama with some supper sweet moments named Green-Eyed Girl. And of course, this story my quite M-rated continuation Broken Promises.
Now all of those are plotted, but that doesn't mean they will stay active in my mind. On the other hand, Bitter Medicine chapter one and Broken Promises chapter two are sitting in my overworked Beta's inbox. Green-Eyed Girl chapter one, and Broken Promises chapter three are almost finished.
No telling how long until I stall but I'm burning of this energy while I've got it. So look forward to those works, but for now, enjoy!
Last note. A very important note. This is M-rated for good reason. There are adult themes and activities portrayed in this story. If you are not comfortable with that please don't continue reading, I only want people to enjoy these works. So, if you don't like the more adult details, please wait for one of my other stories. Because there will definite be others. Thank you
Broken Promises
Chapter 1- Conflicted
Life can completely change in a heartbeat. I've learned this lesson before, but it still sometimes surprises me. It's been ten years since my life changed in a big way. When I was fifteen, I saw something terrible and unbelievable at the same time. It first came to me in a vision, then the next day in reality. A boy came from the heavens and fought a mythical beast, like something out of a fairytale. Unlike such stories, this wasn't a knight in shining armor but a teen my age with a chip on his thin shoulders large enough to block out the moon. Well, at least one of them.
That is the first time my quiet life became something entirely new. It became a dangerous adventure of war and death, but from the darkness came strength, trust, and love. That boy became so much more: a friend, , protector, and sometimes the cause of my heartache. It wasn't easy for me to realize it was love. I didn't ask for it or expect it. Honestly, before then, I thought love was a simple, sweet thing made from gentle feelings. Boy, was I wrong.
Now a lifetime has passed between then and now. I don't even know if I'm that same girl anymore. I love my life here on my world with my family. I have friends who didn't ask questions about my disappearance and still supported me when I returned. War changes people, so I didn't come back the same. It wasn't possible, and it took time to let those wounds heal. I still miss things about Gaia, the friends I made there, and the good that was still in that world. Of course, leaving was hard. Saying goodbye to him could be nothing else.
I distracted myself with school and track. I caught up on things I had missed and made new memories. I don't regret coming home, and if I had stayed there, I know I would have missed out on so much. Part of me hurt for a very long time, but I found love in other ways. I love my job; I teach history to first years at my old high school.
Classes I didn't appreciate when I was a student fill my days with purpose. Sometimes, I get wistful glimpses of the past when I pass the red paved track. Most of the time it's a memory of steady breaths, strong strides, and pumping arms. Every now and then, I'll get a hot burst of dragon fire or a smell of blood and fear. I've become stronger, and even the scary moments remind me of the good ones.
Now my life is changing again. This time it didn't come surrounded by a bright light or followed by danger. Instead, it is soft lighting, good wine, and a half-eaten dessert. The catalyst in this case is a large, sparkling diamond set in a shining gold band held by the man kneeling by my chair.
This isn't a stranger but my boyfriend of nearly three years. We met in college while I was a normal student and he was a medical student. So, here we are, the doctor proposing to the school teacher. Izumi Kouno is a catch. He's handsome and intelligent, always wearing his short, black hair neatly combed. His dark brown eyes watch for my reaction. So, why do I feel fear rather than joy?
My throat feels tight. He's expecting an answer. Numb, I find myself unable to speak, but I know what I should say. Somehow, I manage a nod. His face glows with a huge grin as the cold band slides on my finger. It's a little big, like this ring isn't mine but a stranger's. The other couples in this fancy, overpriced restaurant clap. Their smiles make me feel even more bizarre, the expectation versus the reality.
I should want this. Why don't I? What is missing? Isn't my life perfect?
The rest of the night blurs by. Izumi politely talks about our future and I let him drone on. He pays the bill. I used to try and split the cost of our dates, but it made him agitated. Somethings just aren't worth the argument. In the past, that kind of chauvinistic attitude would have ignited my temper. Instead, I swallow it down, thanking him for the lovely night. He takes my hand and the warmth is there, but something bubbles in my stomach that isn't excitement.
After a quiet drive home, Izumi walks me to my door. He's already debating whether I should move from my small one room apartment into his much more expensive loft or if we should consider buying a house. I can read between the lines; he wants to know how soon I am willing to start a family.
He lingers on my doorstep, waiting for an invitation inside. Making an excuse about being tired and having an early morning, I make my escape but not before the good night kiss. Why did it feel like an obligation? This is not how I expected to react upon getting engaged.
I do love Izumi. Otherwise I wouldn't still be with him, right? He's good to me, intelligent, handsome, and driven. Even though we've been dating for so long, something always keeps me from taking the next step. He thinks I'm old fashioned and that I believe in waiting till marriage. I've never told him otherwise.
Maybe that is it. I could be waiting for a white dress and flower petals. I shut the door after promising to go see our families to tell them the good news in-person. Once alone, I breathe a bit easier. Still, the idea of being bound to Izumi seems so strange. It could just be the shock hasn't worn off yet.
Still numb, I go about my nightly routine: scrubbing my face, brushing my teeth, and dressing in a soft oversized sleep-shirt. The too large diamond ring slides loosely around my finger. Suddenly annoyed by the discomfort, I remove the expensive piece of jewelry and drop it in a carved wooden box I received for graduation.
Climbing into bed and pulling the fluffy covers over myself, sleep pulls me under swiftly. For that I am thankful, if only for a moment. Then again, I should have guessed who would be there waiting for me.
He's grown tall and filled out in the years that have passed. We've met in dreams many times in the past, but it's been years since the last time. When I first returned, dream visits were more frequent, though it was like a Band-Aid over a bullet wound. It seemed to be helping, but the injury was much deeper. We gradually slowed down to almost non-existent visits. Now, we only seemed to see each other when something big happened in our lives.
The last time was two years ago when Merle got married. Van was happy for her but also lonely. He had effectively given his only family away. We've never been able to meet on the same plane, so to speak. It's like an invisible wall constantly separates us. The place where we stand is neither my bedroom nor his study, but a combination of the two. Van must have fallen asleep working, again.
This is the first time that I honestly didn't want to see him. It makes me too happy deep down. I mentally remind myself that I love Izumi. I shouldn't feel flustered by the sight of his messy raven hair and glinting garnet eyes. How could he still have such a hold over my heart?
"Hitomi." His voice had grown deeper over the years, but the inflections stayed the same. Why does the way he say my name still have such an effect on me? "How have you been?"
The small talk seemed forced, like there where a million other things he wanted to say, but he couldn't find the words. Then again, this is Van we are talking about. No surprise there.
"Why are you here?" It came out sharper than intended and I flush.
A slight lift of one side of his mouth shows the smirk he fails to hide. "You tell me. I haven't been called this strongly in years."
Even shadowed by his wild hair, Van's eyes sparkle with some emotion I've never been able to read. Suddenly, I feel angry at this man I can never have and how he isn't the one trying to build a future with me. "I'm engaged!"
The moment I blurt the words out, the smile melts from his face. "I guess congratulations are in order." He speaks rigidly, almost formally.
I can feel him shutting down, building a wall around himself. "What did you expect?" I feel the need to purge this building emotion before it suffocates me. "It's been ten years, Van! I had to move on. I couldn't live in the past with you forever!"
Wordlessly, he takes two steps towards me, and I expect him to hit that barrier. Van tears through it with little resistance like it was made of wet paper, disintegrating under his touch. The third stride brings him within touching distance. I can feel the heat rolling off of his very solid form.
"Do you love him?" The words come out low, almost dangerous.
"Why do you care?" My voice trembles softly and I pray he can't tell. I know it's a false hope. "It won't change..." I stop myself from saying the words out loud, because saying so will make them real even if they've always been true.
"What won't it change?"Van presses noticing my hesitation. His words were barely a breath.
My head is light and my pulse pounds deafeningly loud. I can't think straight. "That he's not you."
The next thing I know, his very real mouth is on mine, and it is nothing like the lukewarm goodnight kiss. I'm burning up. Electricity courses through my veins. My hands are in his wild hair, and it's like thick, warm silk through my frantic fingers.
I should stop this. I need to pull back. There isn't a shred of my willpower left to do that. I'm all need and desperation. We both are. His tongue caresses my bottom lip, begging for entrance. Nothing is as easy as parting my lips, tasting Van as I only have in fantasies. I tug franticly at the red cloth of his shirt. Stiches pull and fabric tears, but I can feel the smooth planes of his skin rippling over solid muscles. A low moan escapes between our connected lips, although I'm not sure from who it originated from.
Van pulls me against him hard, making my legs straddle on either side of his. The nightshirt hikes up, baring my thighs. I shifted, brushing against the full, solid length of him. This is leagues farther than I've ever been with any man. Even in a dream, I still had to pause.
Sensing my hesitation, he pulls back. This is my chance to stop the madness, but this is the last thing I want. Instead, I take the chance to pull the oversized shirt over my head. Any words Van could have said die at the sight of my nearly naked body. The thin panties are my only barrier, and they are flimsy armor at best. I should feel shy or unsure, but this isn't reality. Taking control gives me a rush of power I've never before felt.
The fire in his eyes burns as they rove my body. I reach forward to wrap my arms around Van's neck and rise up on my toes to kiss him. Or try to.
"Wait." He pulls away, staring down at me as if I am a book in a foreign language, one he's never learned to read. "Is this really what you want?"
This is just a dream after all. Why should I hold back? Everything is changing in my life. Can't I have at least one night without regrets? This is the only time when I can embrace what I really want and not what I should want. "If I didn't, you'd be the first to know."
The words brought back a hint of his old smile. It's true, though. I could have slapped him the moment he first kissed me. Instead, here I am standing exposed and wanting. I want to forget everything outside of this dream world. Only Van can make me forget. Make me remember. Make me feel this new and extraordinary way.
When he still hesitates, I grow angry. How dare Van change his mind now that I've put myself out there so completely! Did I misread his intentions? I have no experience to draw on. I've seen naked men only in the dirty magazines Yukari put under my brightly blushing nose. Still, the signs of his arousal are obvious even to me. "Well, I guess this king has enough women throwing themselves into his bed that one night in a dream means very little."
I turn to leave, holding my breath as I pick up my discarded clothes. With each second growing between us, my heart drops a little more. Maybe Van really will just let me go. Instead, I feel his rough hand grasp my arm, spinning me back around. My back presses against what is left of the invisible wall between our realities.
He's angry now, and my pulse speeds up at the heat in his gaze. "First, you tell me you will marry another man, and now I'm the one who's accused of being unfaithful." I let his fury ignite my own, leaning into his solid form.
"You make it seem like we have a relationship beyond this." I feel a frantic bubble of laughter rising in my throat.
I have always felt torn by my opposing desires. The duty to my family always outweighed the want of my heart up until this night. I returned to a life I should never have left, but a part of me always wanted this, at least one last chance to have the freedom to be truly with him. In this moment, all I want is to feel, even if it is completely new and forbidden. What I feel compels me in an exciting way. Something in me burns brighter as Van's eyes glow with heat.
I want to feel the full force of him on my lips, my hands, my entire body. "Can't we just have this moment?"
I reach for him again, and this time he doesn't pull away or stop me. Slowly, I bring my lips back to his. Van sighs into the kiss, giving in. His strong hands drop down to grip my hips firmly. The movement presses my bare chest into his equally naked, but far harder, one.
"I won't take you against the barrier." His lips brush mine with each low, almost growling word.
"Or what is left of it," I quickly respond. I'm breathless, as if I've been running a marathon.
He releases me enough that I can move away from the invisible yet still solid section of the wall. Grabbing his calloused hands, I start back towards my narrow bed. It was never intended for more than one person. Our other option would be the large desk in his reality. Though wider than my bed, it looks far less comfortable.
"What if you regret this?" Van's voice is soft and hesitant behind me.
I stop, but since it's a small distance, we've reached the bed anyways. Was I being rash? Would I regret this? If we stopped now, would I ever get a chance like this again?
My chest tightens. Would I ever feel this way again if I let Van go now?
"I've learned a thing or two about regrets over the years." I brush an unruly section of hair from his mahogany eyes. "This will only make the list if I don't follow my true feelings now."
Somehow, this feels like one of the most honest things I've ever done.
"Wouldn't want that." His low voice is almost a whisper. A rough hand softly caresses my cheek and traces my bottom lip with his thumb. Finally, he leans down to place his mouth over mine. It's comforting, this new knowing of where the boundaries lie. Before, it was as if I was still forming, just waiting for the edges of myself to fill in. With one last chance for me to escape, Van breathes the words between us. "Are you certain?"
In answer, I place my arms around his neck, pressing the full length of my body against him once more. "Yes." The word, though spoken quietly, rings clearly as a chimed bell.
The next kiss is as breathtaking and passion filled as the first. The heat of desire flows freely from me to him and my blood sings. His mouth moves so it completely captures my own. I fall into the kiss, like a stone dropping into a deep pond. I sink deeper and deeper, until I'm not sure if I ever want to surface again.
We've moved onto the bed without breaking apart. The soft mattress sinks lower with our combined weight. Heat burns through every fiber of my being, and yet the pooling sensation doesn't draw my attention away from Van for a second. His hands are sure and strong; they caress my waist, moving up to my breast and then back down again. It's as though each lingering touch brings him closer to memorizing the shape of me and the feel of my skin. The excited pounding of my heart, which beats in time with his own, thuds almost too fast.
My hands move between us briefly, fumbling with the lacings holding his tan pants in place, but I succeeded at my task. The fabric bunches as I push it down over his narrow hips. Returning the favor, his calloused fingers hook under one side of my panties, pulling them off in a far smoother fashion than my own task. In seconds that feel like years, we are both completely bare. I should be embarrassed, but I simply feel electrified.
I dare to grasp the length of him, gentle but firm. He moaned softly and breaks away from my mouth to kiss down my neck, along my collarbone, and to the supple flesh of my chest. My breasts had barely formed the last time Van and I were on the same world. Now his tongue darts out, tasting and teasing my sensitive nipples. It turns my breathing into a sudden gasp. I've felt magic before, but this was so much stronger.
I meet Van's eye and thrill to see no sign of hesitation or second thoughts, only something deep and warm. The heat causes my heart to race faster and faster. Then I'm falling, lost in the feeling. My fingers dig into his back, not sure of my own strength. I'm lost in the sensations, painful and tight at first. He stills and lets me adjust, easing me into something entirely new.
Van didn't speak at all, just smoothed my hair back tenderly through the worst of it. He kisses away the tears that collect at the corners of my eyes. Once it has passed, I try to urge his movement to resume with the awkward rocking of my own hips.
Taking the not so subtle hint, he resumed control, and soon we were climbing new heights together. My back arched with the strong thrusts, severing what little hold Van still had on his control. He stiffened with a moan for a long heart beat before collapsing on top of me. The feelings that had been growing swiftly start to ease.
Rolling wordlessly to one side, Van's hand replaced earlier actions. He touches and teases until the feelings build higher. They crest and push me over the edge. Moaning and writhing, my hands fist the twisted sheets on either side of me.
With a grin that reached his deep maroon eyes, Van placed a kiss on my trembling lips. We lay there in companionable silence for a time. A deep contentment stretches between us. In a way, I never want this time to end. Reality seems like such a dull thing after this magically shared dream. Well, I wouldn't have had half the nerve to do this in real life, and I would have, indeed, regretted letting this chance pass without any action.
I trace large circles over his well-muscled back, even finding scratches marring the smooth tan skin. Battle wounds in a way. When I try to apologize, Van just smirks, saying how he earned those. I flush hotly, feeling more self-conscious than when I stood naked under his gaze.
"At least you'll have something to remember me by," I retorted.
Van tenses, pulling away from my touch. "You can't mean that." He trails off. Anger starts to drown out disbelief. When he spoke again, the words were low and dangerous. "You're still going to marry him."
It wasn't a question, just fact.
"Van," I started, unsure of what else to say. He wasn't wrong. Honestly, I haven't decided what to do. Could I give up a normal, stable life for a fantasy?
Pushing away from me, Van stumbles from the bed. He looks as if I've wounded him deeply. Tensely, he pulls his pants back on, blindly grabbing fabric from the floor.
"Don't go," I pleaded, my stomach sinking into a bottomless pit.
"Why?" he growls without looking at me. "I don't know why I'm so surprised. You always want something until the moment you get it, and then you just toss it away. I wonder how your fiancé will feel to know he'll always be second, no, third choice. I hope you are happy with the outcome, Hitomi."
The jab strikes deeply. I know what he's saying. He's thrown the past in may face like a weapon welded by expert hands. Van, the stubborn man true to form, hides behind a shield of self-righteousness. He still hasn't gotten over my girlish crush on Allen years ago, and now he's lumping the current situation together with it. He's saying I only have feelings when they aren't returned. How could a kiss in the rain be compared to this night?
It takes me a moment to recover. He's wrong! It's not the same thing at all, and it's not black and white. Allen and how I treated him was on my list of regrets, but he held no hard feelings. It was never right between us, and we both knew it. Before anything ever happened, my heart had already matured enough to hold Van closer, though the rest of me took more time.
The young king and I, that was a completely different story. By the time I realized how deep my feelings were, it was time to return to my life, which had just been put on hold. If tonight proved anything, it was that I still loved Van deeply after all this time. Maybe I couldn't move forward with Izumi, because the thought of being with anyone other than Van was almost sickening.
Something else hadn't changed in ten years, Van's habit to shut down and lash out at the same time. By the time I recovered from his sudden attack, the stubborn man is gone. The study on the other side of the broken barrier is gone. With a pang in my heart, I wake up alone and look up into the darkened room with tears in my stunned eyes.
How did things turn out so badly?
Could Van not understand that breaking things off, changing my whole life over a dream, a fantasy, would take more than a split-second decision?
A chill tells me that somehow, I've shed my nightshirt. I numbly reach for the ball of fabric on the floor. It's with a sinking feeling that I realize this isn't my shirt. In my hand is a bright red tunic, torn along the seams of one side.
How much of this night was a dream, and how much is reality?
To be continued…
A/N- So I said a lot at the beginning and will not ruin the mood too much. Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear what you think, even if you disliked it or the themes. If your enjoyed it please stay tuned there is more to come.
Thank you Meghanna Starsong for the wonderful work as always.