A/N:This chapter reminded me of one of my favorite songs by Set It Off called "Duality"
"I have a confession that you will not believe
That you could not perceive this freak, gonna set it off
I have a confession, of a side that I hide
It's a cloak or disguise unleashed, gonna get it off
No, I'll never get away
'Cause if I try to stray
It only holds me closer
No, I'll never get away
I love it anyway
I'll never stop"
Sari slept through the night with no dreams. It was the best night of sleep she'd gotten in what seemed like her entire life. She woke slowly, stretching lazily and sitting up slowly. The curtains were drawn over her windows but she could see sunlight peaking through. It was definitely past dawn she realized as she opened them to a sun that was high in the sky. Why had no one woke her up? She hadn't dismissed her maids the night before-
"Oh no," she groaned to herself, realizing she'd fallen asleep in Yoru's arms and had no idea how she ended up in bed. She looked down at herself. And in her sleep yukata? Yoru would not have changed her clothing. It had to have been her mother.
The sound of the door creeping open interrupted her thoughts. She turned and saw her mother's head first peeking in to check on her. When the bed was empty, she turned to find Sari standing by the window.
"How are you feeling?" Kagome asked, going to her daughter. Her face looked rested for the first time in days and there was some color in her cheeks and markings.
"Foolish and awkward, truthfully," Sari said. Kagome moved to sit on her window seat, patting the spot beside her for Sari to sit. She obeyed, waiting for her to speak.
"Yoru told us what happened last night after we found him bringing you inside. Sari, I'm so sorry. It never occurred to me that your lack of knowledge on the marking process would cause you so much grief. I should have understood with how many times you told me you didn't want Naraku to touch you, but I didn't even think about it," Kagome grabbed Sari's hands and squeezed them tightly with hers. "The mating and marking process for me was done with love with your father. I never went through the trauma of having one forced onto my body and I just didn't think about what happens..." Kagome shook her head to refocus, feeling her thoughts traveling toward a dark road she didn't need to go down.
"It's not your fault, Mama," Sari said, seeing tears in her mother's eyes. It made her heart clench.
"It's not. It's Naraku's. But it doesn't make me totally blameless. Yoru said he explained the marking process and the hormones to you. Do you have any questions? Or anything to want to talk about?"
Sari shook her head calmly. After hearing Yoru explain about the hormones, after understanding it wasn't her reaction to Naraku but a chemical reaction, she felt infinitely better.
"I'm not a harlot. I rejected Naraku. He manipulated me, but I did the same to him and it ended up with him dead. I think I did the better job at manipulating," Sari said, hearing her mother's shocked laugh. Her eyes were full of mirth and a slight smirk crossed her face.
"You did. You know, your father and I are proud of your accomplishments and all the good you've done for our lands and the others, your lack of self-preservation aside." Sari's face dropped immediately, carefully blank once more.
"That's not true."
"It is, Sari," Kagome started, feeling Sari pull her hands away and stand up.
"Everything I did was risky and not good enough. So I'll do better," she said and heard her mother make a sound of irritation behind her. That explained where Seiya got it from.
"Sari, when your father said that, he meant do better protecting yourself. You don't have much self worth after years of listening to Jaken's lies. Your actions reflect that when you continue to put yourself in harms way. That's what you have to do better on," Kagome stepped around her to look her in the eyes. "You're so important and we love you so much. The thought of anything ever happening to you is just too much for either of us."
"Then why..." Sari cut herself off.
"Why what?"
'Why are you giving me away at the gala?' she wanted to ask, but couldn't find the nerve.
"It's nothing. I need to dress."
"Sari, don't hold back. We talked about this. If there's something on your mind, say it," Kagome encouraged. Sari sighed.
"Who else knows about my breakdown and falling asleep in the garden with Yoru?"
"... Yoru brought you inside when we were all in the hall..."
"Great."
"Toshi, Tsuki, and your brother weren't there," Kagome said kindly.
"If Uncle Inuyasha was there, he and Lord Koga probably already screamed about it between themselves and the whole castle likely knows at least part of it," Sari took a calming breath before going to her closet, selecting her sparring clothes. She was tired of feeling like a victim. Today, she would be a warrior.
Kagome helped her dress and comb out her hair. She had gone up to check on Sari, of course, but also to let her know lunch was going to be served soon if she was ready to come down. Though she wasn't fond of how their talk went, Kagome was glad her daughter looked far more rested and mentally stable than previously. It ws a good sign.
"Took you long enough, kid," Inuyasha's voice came from the table as Kagome and Sari joined them.
"I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting," Sari said with a bow before the two women took their place.
"Women like you and Lady Kagome are most certainly worth waiting for, Princess," Toshi said with a smile from his seat a few spaces across from her.
"You're too kind, Prince Toshi," Sari said, her face softening toward her friend.
"Can we stop yapping for a minute and get some food on the table? I'm starving over here!"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes at Sesshoumaru's growl of warning and watched as servants began filling plates with food. Sari focused quite intensely on her meal, wishing secretly that she could scarf it all down in the fast, crude manner her uncle did just to curb her appetite faster. Still, she ate as fast as her manners would allow, feeling better for it already.
"Seiya," Sari asked, her brother looked over to her inquisitively. "Are you busy after lunch?"
"Not at all, why?"
"We haven't sparred together in a few days. I was wondering if you'd like to join me for a round or two?"
"That sounds like fun!" Tsuki said, seeing her brother nod beside her. "I'd very much like to watch Prince Seiya in combat!"
"Tsuki, volume!" Sango scolded her daughter for shouting at the table.
"Yes, Mother," she smiled sheepishly.
"I think that's a great idea as well," Toshi said pleasantly.
"Are you sure you're up for it?" Seiya asked, studying Sari's face. Yoru did the same from beside him.
"I am indeed," Sari said, seeing him nod.
"I'll change into my sparring clothes and meet you outside after lunch."
"This Sesshoumaru will monitor your sparring," their father cut in from the head of the table.
"Are you not too busy for that?" Sari asked, seeing him shake his head.
"I would like to watch, if that wouldn't be a problem," Lord Miroku spoke up as he set his silverware down. "I think it would be educational and fun."
"Feh, what's so fun about watching brats fight?" Inuyasha said, seeing Seiya's look of annoyance as Kagome glared at him. Ayame kept Koga silent, not wanting to see them get into another screaming match at the table.
"If my brother and I sparring doesn't interest you, we could spar instead, Uncle Inuyasha," Sari said, seeing him perk up even as he feigned disinterest.
"Like fighting a brat would be better, feh."
"Uncle, you've had many matches against our father, correct?" Seiya started, seeing Inuyasha's instant irritation.
"What of it?"
"Have you ever hurt Father?"
"What's it to you?!" Inuyasha yelled, the answer clearly not in his favor.
"My sister has," Seiya said, smirking as he watched the hanyou's eyes widen in shock.
"Seiya!" Sari scolded. "It was dumb luck and you know it."
"Had to be!" Inuyasha said, crossing his arms and scowling down at his empty plate for a moment. Then he turned to Sari, locking his gaze on hers. "Fine, I'll spar with you. But don't think I'll go easy on you because you're my niece!"
"I wouldn't dream of it."
"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Kagome frowned and turned to Sesshoumaru. He said nothing, merely watched Sari's reaction. He could see the excitement of challenge in her eyes, the wish to prove herself to her obnoxious uncle.
"I'll be there to moderate. I won't allow anyone to be hurt."
"Including Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, seeing him hesitate a moment before nodding.
"Feh, like I need his protection!"
Sari stood on the grass of the training ground, her gaze focused on her opponent as he stood with his arms crossed, feeling cocky. Off to the side, where they would be protected by Sesshoumaru as he arbitrated the match, the lords, ladies and their offspring gathered. They spread out on picnic blanket the servants had brought out with pitchers of tea and lemonade to sip as they enjoyed the match. Seiya and Yoru stood together beside Sesshoumaru, anxious to see how the match would go.
"It ain't fair for you to ref by yourself, Sesshoumaru. You're not exactly unbiased, here," Inuyasha pointed out.
"If Lord Sesshoumaru is willing, I would volunteer to co-judge the match," Lord Miroku spoke, accepting the glass of lemonade his wife poured for him with a smile.
"Fine."
"Do I take that to mean you acknowledge me as a threat, Uncle? It wouldn't matter if the match were biased unless you were worried about the clarity of your victory," Sari taunted, seeing him him his teeth.
"You could have afforded to take after your mother more, kid. Now, I'm gonna show you what a real fight looks like!" Inuyasha said, holding his claws up in a fighting stance.
"Ready?" Sesshoumaru saw them both nod. "Begin!"
Sari was first to move, surprising Sesshoumaru a bit as she usually fought re-actively rather than proactively. It was interesting to see her change her style for this particular opponent. Her body charged forward and she raised her claw to swipe at him. Inuyasha jumped back to dodge, cursing as she swiped her arm up and cast a barrage of poison crescents toward him. Barely dodging, he jumped and landed back on the ground with a growl. He started charging toward her with a yell.
"Gonna have to do better than that, brat!" Inuyasha saw her smile just a fraction before she pulled her hand back, the crescents she'd released following her movement and swiping him from behind. He managed to dodge most but several swiped him, cutting through his signature red cloak.
Not wanting to be out done, Inuyasha brushed his claws against the bleeding scratches, clawing across the air as he shouted "Blades of blood!", casting a wave of red energy toward her. Sesshoumaru watched carefully as she moved toward the blades, weaving through them with precision as she moved to strike again, catching Inuyasha off guard as she swung her leg out and kicked his out from under him.
He rolled back, dodging her next few hits before he regained his footing and swung his claws toward her. She moved to defend herself, letting him gain ground as she studied his attack pattern and dodged more.
"I hate this," Kagome sighed, her eyes fixed on the fight. "I know neither of them are going to be seriously hurt, even if they land a direct blow, but it's unsettling to just wait for it to happen."
"Your daughter is doing amazing, Lady Kagome. Her moves are calculated and she's focused," Miroku said, his eyes trained on the fight as well.
"He's right. She's treating the match like a game of shogi, testing Inuyasha to see how he reacts to her movements, defensive or aggressive," Sango added.
"You really think so?" Kagome watched more carefully. She knew her daughter was skilled, but was it as complicated as Sango claimed?
"She purposefully aggravated Inuyasha to throw him off balance," Ayame commented, sipping her drink calmly.
"That doesn't take much," Koga added. "He's such a child, always screaming over nothing. Getting a rise outta him is like stepping on bugs." Ayame sighed, not bothering to call him out for their like-behavior.
Sari pulsed her aura out as Inuyasha's foot touched ground for another leap toward her. The shock wave against his ears threw him off balance and she brought her knee into his forehead. He fell back with a curse, rubbing his forehead as she stood in waiting for his next move.
"Nice one!" Seiya cheered, grinning at her as she stood proudly.
"Don't praise her yet, Seiya! This ain't over!" Inuyasha stood and crouched to attack once more. "Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!"
Inuyasha's claws glowed yellow as he charged once more at her. Sari stepped back, ready to counter when she felt a familiar pain in her chest. She froze as every beat of her heart jolted her body with lightning sharp pangs.
Sesshoumaru saw her stop, curious for a a moment before he realized she wasn't moving. In a flash of movement, he whipped his Mokomoko out, grabbing and tossing Inuyasha off into the field before he could injure Sari. As he leapt before her, she dropped to a knee, wrapping her arms around her chest, panting. He didn't have to ask what was wrong. He could feel the conflicting energies as he approached her. As his hand reached out to touch her forehead to calm her auras like he'd done before, Sari jumped back with a cry of pain.
"Don't touch me. I'll hurt you..." she panted, this time dropping to both knees as the energies clashed harder than they'd ever clashed before. Her skin was burned, her chest ached. Her miko aura felt like fire, her demonic aura felt like ice, both smothering her as they flared uncontrollably.
Kagome was first to jump off the blanket to rush over to her mate. The group followed behind, all feeling tremendous energy shift. Yoru had watched Sesshoumaru move a split second before he was about to intervene. He now stood with the group, watching helplessly as Sari whimpered in pain before them all.
"Is this the battling auras you spoke of before?" Miroku asked, feeling the power she was throwing off in waves.
"Yes. She told us it intensifies in attacks like this every so often," Kagome said, attempting to approach Sari. Sesshoumaru stopped her.
"She's too unstable. Her aura could hurt you," he said.
"We have to do something!" Kagome argued.
"Sari, let me help," Sesshoumaru said, seeing her look up, her right eye blood red as her demon fought within her.
"It's worse this time-" she cried out as her demon side flared, her eye pain piercing into her as it tried to gain control. She cupped her handover it, gritting her teeth. "I don't wanna hurt anyone."
"Just shut up and let him do his thing, already," Inuyasha groaned, walking back over from where he'd been slammed into the ground. "I'm not letting you get away with a draw because Daddy had to save your ass." Seiya growled at him and his immaturity.
Sari shook with the pain and the strength it took to suppress what she could of her auras. She could feel them tearing at the walls of her body, trying to escape and wage war outside. He father had stopped them before but they hadn't felt so strong then.
"Sari, please," Yoru said softly, stepping closer and kneeling down, still safe from her aura but moving to her level to look her in the eyes. "Let your father help."
Swallowing hard, she nodded to him and then her father, taking a deep breath and doing her best to push her auras back to let him in. He stepped forward again, kneeling down to her and putting his hand on her head. Sesshoumaru felt the sting of her miko aura attacking him the moment he touched skin.
It took much effort and concentration for him to stifle the power of her auras. They battled his ferociously and he could tell it caused Sari great pain, her body tensing further and her mouth bleeding as she chewed her lip. Slowly, he felt her energies backing down, calming once more as the aspects of her blood retreated to their normal state.
Sesshoumaru removed his hand from her, looking to see the scorch marks from her aura's attempt at purifying him. He was still impressed by her strength, even if she had yet to gain full control over it. Sari's breathing calmed as the pain subsided, once again manageable, but for her eye.
"Thank you, Papa," she said, still holding her eye as she looked up at him.
"Let me see your eye," he said, watching her obey as she brought her hand away with a wince.
Her eye remained blood red. He cupped his hand over it and pushed more of his aura into her, attempting to calm her inner beast once more. As he pulled back, it was back to it's normal golden hue. Strange that he'd had to calm it individually.
"Does it hurt still?" she shook her head.
"I'm fine," she said, feeling her mother run up beside her to embrace her.
"Why did that happen?" Sari's brow furrowed.
"I don't know. It's never been that strong, that painful, or that hard to suppress. Mama," Sari pushed her back gently. "I'm not safe to be around."
"You said you believe it was conflicting auras?" Sango asked, seeing Kagome nod from her place beside Sari.
"I'm sorry you all had to bare witness to that," Sari spoke, standing up only to bow deeply.
"I think we might have an idea of what's really going on and how to help," Miroku said, seeing her straighten to look him in the eyes.
Sari sat between Kagome and Seiya on the couch in her mother's favorite drawing room. She had been planted there by her brother as he had decided she couldn't walk after her malfunction, and their mother directed him here. Her protests went unheard as the procession walked back to the castle, eager to hear Miroku and Sango's theory.
"Are you comfortable?" Kagome asked, pouring her a glass of water from the table and cupping it in her hands. Sari sighed.
"I'm fine. Once an attack is over I'm perfectly fine, just a bit tired. Certainly not enough to warrant any fussing."
"I'm not fussing, I'm concerned!" Kagome looked to her mate who stood beside the couch, waiting for everyone to settle. "Sesshou, am I fussing?"
"Let's listen to Lord Miroku and Lady Sango," he said, avoiding her question.
"It's obvious that you have battling auras inside of you. The most likely reason is you have two separate inner demons," Miroku said, seeing the confusion come over her face.
"That's possible?" Seiya asked, looking at his sister and then back at the monk lord.
Yoru, who stood behind the couch near Seiya and Sari, saw Sari's hand fist in her lap as she processed the words, the other setting the water glass down on the table.
"It's extremely rare," Sango began. "But when it happens, it causes inner chaos. A demon's inner beast is very primal, very territorial. The aspect itself believes to have ownership over the demon they inhabit, whether it's true or not," she added, hearing a few snorts of indignation from the many demons surrounding her.
"You can imagine that having two territorial beings inside of one physical being can cause a conflict. It can also cause mental chaos and impulsiveness in your personality," Miroku said, seeing Sari look to him once more. "Your parents auras are extremely different. I suspect it's because of this that you ended up with your double demons."
"My spiritual powers aren't as strong as Sari's but they do exist, and I'm definitely the product of the same two people. So why do I not have dueling beasts as well?"
"Pure luck," Sari said, seeing the nods of the Eastern rulers sitting before her.
"I'm afraid so," Sango said.
"So she's going to live the rest of her live being torn apart from the inside out?" Koga asked, feeling Ayame place a gentle hand on his thigh to comfort him.
"Or she could tell them to shut up and pipe down. It can't be that hard!" Inuyasha spat from the corner as he leaned against the wall. "Besides, us half-demons don't have complicated inner demons like you purebreds. Controlling yourself should be fine."
"If it were that simple, do you think we would be sitting here having this conversation after Sari all but exploded with energy?" Seiya spat, standing to face his uncle, fists clenched.
"Seiya sit down!" Kagome said, seeing him obey, crossing his arms as he planted himself once more.
"Lord Miroku, Lady Sango," Sari started quietly. "You said before that you might be able to help. Do you know of any way to calm them? If I can't control their warring, I put other people at risk. I can't allow that."
They shared a look with each other, their hesitation speaking volumes. "There is a solution, but it's dangerous?" Sari said, seeing Sango sigh and nod.
"There may be a solution, but it's no guarantee and it is extremely risky. I'm not sure it's even an option considering you're a hanyou."
"What is-"
"We'll find another way," Sesshoumaru spoke, cutting Sari off.
"Papa, we should hear them out before deciding," Sari countered, looking up at him.
"They just gave us reasons to not consider it as an option. Now that we know what is happening within you we can look for other solutions that don't involve sacrificing your safety."
Sari sighed and stood up. She stormed over to her father and grabbed his hand, exposing the burn marks her aura had left him as she raised his palm up. Kagome and Seiya shared a look as they watched Sari in action.
"I did this. To you. The strongest demon I know, and my sire. Can you imagine what I might do to someone else who isn't as strong? What about Mama?" Sari looked and gestured to her mother as she let go of his hand. "She's strong but she's still human. My demonic aura could shred her, and her purification powers won't do anything to stop me." Sari turned and looked back up at her father.
"I have no control over what happens when I have an attack and with this last one, I had no warning. I could kill someone just because they were standing next to me when my auras flared! So can we please hear them out?" Sari asked, her throat heavy with emotion. "I don't want to hurt anyone."
Sesshoumaru looked down at his daughter, seeing the frightful look in her eyes as she spoke of harming someone unintentionally. He placed a hand on her shoulder and nodded, looking back over to the Eastern family as Sari moved back to the couch.
"What is involved in your solution?" Sesshoumaru asked.
"There is a ceremony for chaining demonic energies. It's usually used for locking demons away that cannot be defeated by mortal means in a combination of ceremonies," Sango started, a hand to her chin in thought. "If just the melding ceremony were used on your inner demons, we could calm and combine them, forcing them to live in harmony within you."
"To my knowledge the ceremony has never been used other than for its intended purpose of chaining demons together to prevent their freedom. There's no promise it will work to combine your beasts. It could end up eliminating them in the end, leaving you powerless, at best. And as Inuyasha said, the inner beasts of hanyous differ from full blooded demons. They may not react the same way," Miroku said, looking to Sari and then to her father. "I've never looked into it specifically but I've also never heard of any demon with dueling souls attempting to combine them."
"What happens to a demon with dueling beasts in the long run? Have you ever known them to learn to control them on their own?" Yoru asked, seeing the sad look they shared before Sango answered.
"The chaos of the energies inside them continues to grow, until the pain and power becomes too much and they either go crazy or..."
"End it themselves," Miroku finished, seeing Sari's gaze glue to the ground as her mind raced.
"None of that is gonna happen. Don't even think about it," Kagome warned, grabbing her daughter's face to look her in the eyes.
"I'm not suicidal, Mama. I'm thinking," Sari snapped, standing up and pacing to the window.
"We'll do some research and see if we can find another way," Kagome said, looking up at Sesshoumaru. "There's too much unknown to try this."
"We don't have much choice but to try it," Sari said quietly. "Lord Miroku, are you willing and capable of performing the ritual tonight?"
"Are you serious?" Seiya stood, leaping over the couch to step to his sister. He took her shoulders in his hands and gave her a quick shake. "This could kill you or maim you and we have no idea if it would work-"
Sari stepped back from him with a growl, fisting her hands as she scowled up at him.
"Do you really think this is a matter of comprehension? I understand what is at stake if I do it. Do you understand what happens if I don't? The gala is in two days. In two days Papa will choose a mate for me and then what? I could hurt them, or worse, because I'm an actual bomb! You don't just hand someone a bomb and walk away!" Sari took a breath to calm herself, seeing Seiya had stopped to consider her words.
"She's got a point," came Inuyasha's voice through the silence. Sari gave him a confused look. "Am I not allowed to have an opinion in this family anymore?"
"It's just rare people agree with you," Yoru said from his position behind the couch, ignoring his scoff of response. Sari stifled a laugh but couldn't stop a smile, covering her face with her sleeve.
"Princess, if I may?" Toshi said, approaching her and grasping her hands in his. She tilted her head up at him inquisitively. "I agree with your choice, not for the sake of others, but for yourself. It would be a shame for such a lovely soul to remain tormented into a bitter end."
"Thank you, Toshi," she said. Yoru noted the informality between them and it made his teeth gnash, even knowing Toshi's lack of interest in her.
"The four of us should be able to set up the ritual," Tsuki said from her position behind her parents. "But performing the ritual may actually be better done by Lord and Lady Taisho, at least in part. They would have the best chance of not hurting Sari, and her auras might fight against him, but they don't fully reject Lord Sesshoumaru's power. I imagine it would be the same for Lady Kagome."
"We can use our talents to hold Sari within the binding circle so that they may combine the beast," Toshi looked at his sister, seeing her nod to confirm. Looking back to Sari, Toshi's face because serious. "Your beasts will fight back and they may even try to reign control over you to prevent us from executing the ritual. We'll have to contain you so you can't run away if that happens. It's an unpleasant process."'
"I'll be alright. I really don't enjoy the thought of losing my mind. I also owe Uncle Inuyasha a rematch," Sari said, turning to him and seeing him smirk.
"Yeah you do. So no dying or going psycho."
"We'll prepare the training ground. It's best to perform it away from the castle should anything go wrong," Sango said, seeing her husband nod. "When we're done, we'll gather you up and meet you there to explain what you'll need to do."
Sari bowed and thanked them as the family of four walked out to prepare.
"We don't have to do this," Kagome said, moving around the couch to face her daughter. "We can postpone the gala and find a safer solution."
"It's rare for a demon to have dueling beasts. How rare do you think it is for a hanyou? I doubt years of research could produce a single scroll worth of knowledge on the subject," Sari said to her mother, stepping closer.
"We're Taisho's. We'll find a way," Kagome said, surprised as Sari enveloped her in a hug.
"I'm going to be fine. I believe that. I need you to believe it, too." Kagome hugged her back and swayed just a bit.
"I know you'll be fine. But I'm your mother and I'm allowed to worry."
"You do it well," Seiya said, the room chuckling as Kagome pulled back to give him a dry look.
"Lady Kagome, your daughter is incredibly strong, body and mind. I have no doubts that the ritual will be a success and your daughter will have peace within," Yoru spoke, looking at her and then to Sari.
"Mama, Papa, may I have a moment alone with Uncle Inuyasha?" Sari asked, seeing her parents share a questioning look but nod.
"Why don't we see if we can't help with preparations for the ritual?" Ayame suggested, grabbing Koga's hand and rushing out the door before he could protest.
"We'll see you out there," Seiya said as he and Yoru followed their parents out the door.
"What do you want, kid?" Inuyasha said, seeing her approach.
"I have a difficult favor to ask of you," Sari said, swallowing hard. He saw the seriousness on her face and waited. "If the ceremony goes wrong and I'm no longer myself, don't let them try to save me. I don't want to live as raging wild animal."
"What are you saying?" Inuyasha asked, standing from the wall and looking down at her.
"I'm asking you to kill me if I become a mindless beast. Please, Uncle," Sari asked, looking into his eyes before bowing low. "I don't know who else to ask. I don't want to be a mindless killing machine."
A/N: And they said two heads were better than one? Pfft.