Bang

Casey hadn't been expecting Severide home yet, so the front door opening caught him off guard, but he stayed seated on the couch and watched as Kelly entered carrying a couple grocery sacks. He didn't say anything, and neither did Severide until he set the bags on the table and returned to the living room and stood in front of Casey.

"I am an idiot."

Casey raised an eye brow curiously, "What'd you say to Grissom now?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kelly asked.

"About what?"

"You know about what. About some nut trying to kill you?"

Casey just shrugged. "You had your hands full with Grissom."

"That's not..." Kelly sighed and shook his head, "It's been four days...and you didn't think you could tell me?"

"It wasn't any secret," Casey replied. "Everybody on Truck knows, Brett knows, Boden knows."

"And I'm the last to know."

"You were busy."

"Dammit Casey!" Kelly paced the floor. "I should've known when you walked off that something was wrong."

"Why would you?" Casey asked.

"You go off shift because of a migraine?"

"I've had migraines before, Kelly."

"Yeah, I remember, first shift after your skull fracture, blinding migraine, couldn't remember where you left your toolbox, or your crescent wrench, couldn't remember much of anything, all you did was swallow an aspirin and tough it out."

"I didn't forget where my crescent wrench was, it was stolen," Casey replied deflectively.

"We're living here together, Casey, why did you keep it from me?"

"What were you gonna do? Guy was already locked up," Casey said.

"And you were barely holding it together."

"Held it together well enough you had no idea anything was even wrong," Casey replied bitterly.

Kelly paused.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Now it was Casey's turn to pause, and his gaze shifted towards the floor. "It wasn't your fault."

Kelly sat down on the couch beside Casey and looked at him.

"Casey..."

"Brett told the chaplain...and when he admitted that..." Casey looked up again and his eye shifted all around the room. "He recommended talking to someone even if it wasn't him...I got my phone...I almost sent a message to Gabby."

"What?" Kelly was in disbelief.

"Don't say it," Casey was in no mood for the barrage of Kelly's betrayal at him reaching out to his ex-wife who he hadn't seen or spoken to in months instead of his best friend he was sleeping 10 feet away from.

"Did you?" Kelly asked.

Casey shook his head. "I couldn't...I can't open that can of worms again."

"Who then?"

"Boden."

"What'd he say?" Kelly asked.

"That the only reason I didn't get my face blown off is just because it wasn't my time...guy's right on top of me, sticks a gun in my face, pulls the trigger, gun jams, he tries again, I wrestle it from him...and I'm just supposed to believe the only reason things happened the way they did is because it's not my time...I hate to break it to Boden but it's not working."

"Casey..." Kelly reached over and put a hand on Matt's shoulder, the fear and the helplessness was finally starting to shine through in his voice.

Casey shook his head. "When I actually got shot a few years ago when those guys took us hostage at 51...there wasn't any time to think about it, about was I going to die?, we had to make sure nobody died...this was different...I know how crazy it sounds, but this was different." Casey was starting to breathe heavier now.

Kelly gripped Casey's shoulder and pulled the captain against him. "It doesn't sound crazy, Matt. I'm sorry you had to go through that." His own voice dropped as he added, "And I'm sorry you didn't think you could tell me."

That did it. He heard the first sob catch in Casey's chest, and felt the blonde man's body trembling against him as Matt finally broke down crying as the reality of it all finally set in.

"Easy, easy," Kelly put his arms around Casey's chest and held him close as everything he'd tried to suppress the last few days came out in a series of body wracking sobs. "It's alright, Matt, it's over now, you're safe."

Casey opened his eyes and noticed the apartment had gotten darker, and it was quiet. He tried to sit up straighter and realized he was sitting on someone, he glanced down and saw Kelly still had an arm wrapped around him.

"Kelly?"

He turned his head and saw Severide behind him, looking like he either hadn't fallen asleep or had woken up a while ago.

"Feeling better now?" Kelly asked.

"What..." it took a few seconds for it to come back, he groaned softly as he rubbed his eyes.

Severide tapped his fist against Casey's thigh, "Come on, buddy, need you to get up, all the circulation's gone from my leg."

Casey stood up and watched as Severide flexed his foot, turned his ankle and shook his leg a few times to get the blood flowing again, then stood up.

"Casey, I don't care what it takes, you tell me the next time something happens," Kelly told him. "Okay?"

"Okay," Casey agreed in a less than convinced tone.

"I don't care what I'm doing, you come get me, okay?"

Casey nodded.

"Good, now come on," Kelly headed into the kitchen and picked up one of the sacks he'd carried in, "I picked up a couple steaks for dinner."

Casey followed him into the room and asked cynically, "Is that your peace offering for being an idiot?"

Kelly turned back to him and asked, "Does it work?"

Casey smirked, "You cooking a steak dinner? Yeah, I'll take it."

Kelly laughed.

Kelly heard screaming and woke up. At first he thought it might've been a dream, but through the wall he could hear Casey crying out in terror. He made his way to the living room and saw Casey was asleep on the couch, and was still asleep as he writhed around screaming.

"Casey...Casey, wake up!"

Matt let out a shorter yell as his eyes opened and he looked up at the Squad lieutenant. "Kelly?"

"It's alright, Matt, it's just a nightmare."

Even Matt's voice was shaking as he sat up on the couch shivering.

Kelly sat down next to him and soothingly rubbed his back. "Take it easy, you're alright, take a deep breath."

Every attempt Casey made at doing just that came back out as several short breaths that weren't doing him any good. Kelly calmly talked him through it and eventually he heard the longer breaths slowly working their way in and out of Casey's body.

"Good, good, you're okay."

Casey sucked in another large breath and told Kelly, "Sorry I got you up."

"Don't worry about it."

Casey's nightmares recurred almost every night. When they went back on next shift, Kelly had no idea if it happened while Casey slept in his quarters, or if he even did sleep that night, but when they were back at his apartment, Kelly could almost set his watch by them. The two of them wound up sitting up half the night every night, finally one night Kelly grabbed Casey by the wrist and pulled him to his feet. "Come on, Matt."

"What're you doing?" Casey asked.

"Come on, let's go in the bedroom. I love you, but this couch is getting cramped, let's go lie down."

Casey planted his feet where he stood, and even in the near pitch darkness Kelly could see a wide eyed expression on the captain's face.

"Don't be weird," Kelly told him. "Come on, it'll be fine. Come on, it's not like people are gonna talk."

"That's not what worries me," Casey replied as Kelly pulled him towards the bedroom.

Kelly came to get the idea that what did worry Casey was that his inability to get through the night without waking up screaming wouldn't end just because he was sleeping in the other half of Kelly's bed. It was definitely still exhausting to go through every night, but the shift in the sleeping arrangements made it slightly easier to deal with. Since neither of them were getting much sleep anyway, Kelly lightly prodded and probed Casey about the call, made him talk about it and revisit the events over and over again, trying to make sure that there weren't any details that Casey was specifically trying to omit or repress to avoid dealing with, hoping that by getting it all out, and making sure all of it got out, that it might prove therapeutic for Matt. There might've been some truth in that ideology but therapy was a bitter medicine, Casey could hardly get through a single night of recollections without bursting into tears as he relived the horror of it. Kelly propped himself up on one elbow and watched Casey, and silently offered what comfort he could, grasping Casey's hand in his own and using his other hand to carefully stroke over Casey's forehead as he struggled like hell to push through the trauma to recap it all to Severide. Eventually he'd fall back asleep after emotionally draining himself, Severide kept a hold of Casey's hand through the rest of the night, hoping it offered some comfort to his friend.

In time the nightmares started to become less frequent, and then they became fewer and further between, and finally they seemed to stop coming altogether. By that time the two firefighters were almost embarrassed to admit they'd actually gotten used to the new sleeping arrangements. After letting Casey sleep in his bed for two weeks, Kelly felt guilty about sticking him back on the couch and offered to rotate, each night one would take the bed and the other the couch, the next night they'd switch, then the night after shift they'd switch again.

One night Kelly entered the bedroom and saw Casey laying rigidly in the middle of the bed, his hands covering his eyes, the pained whimpers making their way past his closed mouth. The bedside lamp was the only light in the room and it was on its dimmest setting, casting a dark yellow glow on half of the room.

"I got you some more pills," Severide announced as he set a glass of water and two white pills down on the nightstand.

"I already took an aspirin," Casey whined in agony.

"And it didn't work," Kelly pointed out. "Come on, these are different. Come on, sit up." He grabbed one of Casey's hands and pulled him up into a sitting position, and said teasingly, "You shouldn't have lied about having a migraine that day, God heard you."

"Shut up," Casey weakly moaned.

Kelly handed him the glass and pills and watched as Casey squeezed his eyes shut as he swallowed them. Then Kelly reached in his pocket and held out half of a chocolate bar still in its wrapper, Casey wearily glared up at Severide who just shrugged with a mischievous smirk on his face and said, "It'll make the painkillers kick in faster."

Casey already felt like he wanted to puke, but he managed to eat the candy and washed it down with the rest of the water, and lay back against the pillows and closed his eyes. He heard a seal pop and forced his eyes open and saw Kelly taking the lid off a jar of vapor rub.

"What're you doing?" Casey asked as he watched Kelly stick two fingers into the mentholated petroleum.

Kelly's only response was to press his fingers against Casey's forehead and smear the ointment clear across.

"That'll help," he assured his friend.

"You're weird, you know that?" Casey weakly asked.

Kelly went into the bathroom and Casey heard the water running, he closed his eyes and tried to block everything out. Footsteps returned to the bedroom.

"The final touch," Kelly said as he wrapped a cold towel around Casey's forehead so it came down under his eyes to block out the light.

"Very funny."

"You'll be alright, just go to sleep, you'll feel better tomorrow."

Casey couldn't see anything but he definitely felt Kelly lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

"Ugh," Casey grimaced, "you need help."

Kelly laughed, then Casey heard the sound of footsteps as he headed for the door.

"Kelly," he called out suddenly, anxiously.

The footsteps stopped. "Yeah?"

Casey lay there for a minute and didn't say anything, trying to figure out what to say.

"Stay...please..."

There was silence, which unnerved him greatly, and just as he reached for the towel to see Kelly, he heard the lieutenant's response, "Sure, no problem, I can do that."

Casey pulled up one corner of the towel and saw Kelly coming back towards the bed.

"Thank you."

Kelly looked over at him and smiled, "No problem, buddy."

Kelly woke up with a weight pressing into his stomach, then realized another weight was pressing into his neck. He moved his eyes and saw it was Casey, who had rolled over on him in his sleep, and was out cold. The towel was missing but if the expression on his face was any indicator, the worst of his migraine must've been over already.

He could've pushed Casey back over to the other side of the bed, and hope he stayed there for the rest of the night. But instead Kelly decided to let him stay where he was and sleep. He wriggled his arm out from under Casey and slipped it around the blonde man's back and held him a little closer.

"Love you, buddy," he whispered, knowing there would be no response.

Casey marched up to the Squad company on the apparatus floor, Kelly was talking to his guys about something from the last call they were on.

"Severide."

Kelly didn't seem to hear him, so Casey walked up closer and grabbed at him to get his attention. "Severide."

Kelly shrugged him off, "Just a minute, Casey."

But Casey wasn't taking no for an answer. He got right up next to Severide and grabbed the lieutenant's cheeks with his thumbs and index fingers and pinched them tight.

"Kelly," he said in an exaggerated passive aggressive tone as he shook Kelly's cheeks like a bulldog's jowls, "I am trying to get your attention to tell you something, remember we talked about that?" And he suddenly let go and Kelly's cheeks loudly snapped back into place.

Now he had Severide's undivided attention.

"Sorry," Kelly replied as he felt a bruised cheek, "What is it?"

"It's your turn to cook lunch today and we're supposed to be eating in half an hour."

"I'll be right there," Kelly told him.

"Thank you," Casey turned around and walked off with a small smirk of amusement on his face.

"What was that about?" Cruz asked Severide.

"Oh...nothing."