AN: Yeah, this chapter is hurt/comfort all round. I know a lot of people feel chipped by Mace and Obi-Wan's relationship being cut short, however, I would like to remind you that Obi-Wan will always be a Jedi, with Master Jedi's connection to the Force, but thanks to Force fuckery, he is no longer a Master Jedi. You really think that isn't going to have consequences? In case you didn't catch it, this isn't an easy fix-it :D
Chapter 6 - A Child's Question
Obi-Wan appreciated the hot the shower, the hot soup, and the dry clothes he was given. Although, he was too wrung to be very good at conversation.
He wasn't sure when it was decided among the unit of Mandalorians, but Obi-Wan ended up with Jango Fett. In his mid-to-late twenties, Jango looked exactly like the clones. It was a bit surreal boarding Jango's ship -that was currently named Salvation- and being given a bunk across from Jango's.
Obi-Wan was asleep before Jango had finished tucking him in.
He fell into dreams.
He was hungry, always hungry, but it was rude to ask for food even his head ached from the lack of it. He knew better than to cry.
Mother hated when he cried.
She hated him.
He didn't bother even looking toward Father, Father never looked at him. Not even when he was walking with his big metal feet.
Obi-Wan knew how to be small and quiet, even when he was hungry.
But he perked up when he felt Oran. Oran was from a neighboring village. He didn't know how he knew when Oran was approaching, but did. Obi-Wan snuck out the back door and ran as fast as he was able, ignoring the people who glared and would spit at him, everyone hated him.
Maybe they were right, he was cursed.
He could do magic.
The only person who liked him was Oran, he was a 'half-pint' Mandalorian. Obi-Wan was pretty sure, Half-Pint wasn't a clan. But Oran had laughed when Obi-Wan had asked. It couldn't have been a bad thing, not if Oran smiled like that.
Obi-Wan loved Oran, they were brothers even though Oran said Obi-Wan couldn't go home with him because of his magic.
His magic was a carefully guarded secret.
Oran dropped to his knees, taking off his helmet and setting it in the grass to show Obi-Wan his smile, "Greetings, Obi'ika!"
Obi-Wan tackled the older boy in a hug.
Oran laughed as he fell back into the grass, his armed arms coming around to hold him, "Ah, ner vod'ika, how is the bravest adiik in the galaxy?"
My little brother.
Obi-Wan giggled, forgetting for a time that he was hungry and had to go back to his parents' house when the sun set.
The dream flickered, and Obi-Wan's mother was yelling at him again, for being weak, a disgrace, lazy, clumsy, and ungrateful.
Obi-Wan tried to tell her he would do better, that he would be the perfect son if she just gave him a chance, just one chance, it was all he needed.
But his mother never gave him that chance, slamming the door, leaving him locked away in the dark.
Obi-Wan wasn't like the other boys in his village, not because he had secret magical powers, but because he didn't tell his parents he loved them.
He did of course, they were his parents, his aliit but he knew his parents didn't want to hear it.
They thought love was weakness, so Obi-Wan tried his hardest to show them that he loved them, always doing his best, pushing himself to never complain, and to never cry.
But it was never enough.
"You don't love! You don't know how!"
Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi sat very still as he let his Padawan's words wash over him, giving no physical cue to how deeply those words cut him.
Anakin was young. For him the Force could be loud and oppressive and the other Padawans were as alien to him as he was to them.
Obi-Wan got to see the best of Anakin… and his worst, but Obi-Wan tried to be honoured that Anakin was comfortable enough, trusted him enough to lash out.
"Anakin, please," Obi-Wan said.
Anakin had turned his back on him, having finally fallen quiet, his Force signature a pulsating hornet's hive at the end of their bond.
Obi-Wan stood slowly, carefully reaching out his hand to offer what solace he could. He had always had an easier time showering that he loved someone than telling them.
But Anakin batted Obi-Wan's hand away, turning with such an expression of rage that Obi-Wan did flinch back.
The flinch was a mistake, a flash of guilt crossed Anakin's young face, before shutting down again behind angry lines as he exclaimed, "I hate you!"
Obi-Wan stood alone in the main room of their shared apartment, panic seizing his heart, though he couldn't explain why.
Why was his heart racing? Why couldn't he logic away this fear? Anakin was a teenager who felt isolated in this Temple that was supposed to be a refuge.
His words of anger shouldn't have hurt him as they had, shouldn't have crippled Obi-Wan, making him feel small and helpless.
Obi-Wan left the apartment, intent on practicing his lightsaber form. He was too wound up to meditate or to sleep.
He should get something to eat.
He should go to someone for help or simply to not be alone.
But he had no one to seek comfort or council from.
As much as Mace had become a friend, Obi-Wan was hyper aware that he was a council member before he was a friend. Obi-Wan was afraid to tell the Council anything that might further turn them against Anakin.
Quin was on a mission, not that Obi-Wan was sure he would have gone to him, they weren't children anymore and sometimes the lines blurred between the type of needs they afforded one another.
More than anything else, he just wanted to be held, to have someone else reaffirm Anakin's words of anger weren't who he was.
Obi-Wan wished Qui-Gon was alive but that was Obi-Wan's own fault.
As much as Obi-Wan loved his people, death and sorrow had taken away his nearest and dearest.
Even his friendship with Bant had fallen apart when Tahl had been murdered and Bant joined the MediCorps.
He didn't know how to explain that to Anakin, to explain to his Padawan that he truly was the most important person in Obi-Wan's life. Anakin saw how comfortable Obi-Wan was in the Temple, how everyone greeted Obi-Wan by name with either open friendliness or respect.
Anakin was too young to understand that Obi-Wan's questionable fame came from being Qui-Gon's Padawan who had been Dooku's Padawan. Master Dooku who was one of twenty fallen Master Jedi who had left the Order in four-thousand years.
Then, of course, Qui-Gon had become the first Jedi to die at Sith hands, Obi-Wan had become the first to kill a Sith, and once the war started, Dooku had become the first Jedi to turn Sith since the fall of Darth Bane.
As Anakin had almost literally been cut down by a Sith Lord not a week after meeting a Jedi for the first time, he didn't really get what a disaster their particular lineage was. Nor did Anakin understand that both Mace and Depa who were also of Yoda's lineage were the only two Jedi in the Temple who actively used both the Dark and Light side.
Nuisance wasn't Anakin's speciality and compounded by Obi-Wan never having been good at talking about himself or complaining, there were growing misunderstandings between them. Besides that, Obi-Wan couldn't help but feel that all of his own trials were minor compared to what Anakin had endured in his short life.
Obi-Wan shoved aside his own self pitying, tried to shake off Anakin's words as he practised his katas until his muscles screamed, sweat soaked his robes.
But he kept practising. Soresu was about endurance, about never surrendering, never giving up defending what he loved and stood for.
Anakin might not confide the reasons behind his pain to Obi-Wan, but Obi-Wan swore that he would never give up on Anakin.
Never.
He would never stop trying to be the best Master he could be. A tall order when Anakin at fourteen was already double Obi-Wan's weight class when it came to Force potential. It meant Obi-Wan had to go above and beyond his limits.
He wouldn't disappoint his little brother, he wouldn't hold him back. And perhaps, one day, Anakin wouldn't lash out but actually confide in him.
To be Jedi Master and brother was a hard line to walk, but no matter what challenges and arguments, Obi-Wan would always be on Anakin's side.
Always love him.
"I HATE YOU!"
Obi-Wan woke with a start, then began to choke on the smell and taste of burning flesh on the back of his tongue as the nightmare faded, leaving him sweating and afraid of nothing he could recall.
Master Ali-Alann came to his side, his strong arms pulling Obi-Wan into a safe embrace.
Obi-Wan sank into him, clinging to the older man's strength, breathing him in as the phantom smell of charred meat dissipated.
Only it wasn't Ali-Alann's smell of lavender soap and cinnamon tea, nor were the words he spoke accented Courcanti that Quin teased him about matching so completely.
The words were Mando'a and a part of Obi-Wan feared and a deeper part of him eased.
His parents had made him fear his homeworld but Oran had made him miss pieces of it. The smell of blaster grease and the earthy scent of blacks brought back dim memories of Oran and of Cody and his troops.
Only all three of his elders were long dead and long gone. His parents had been murdered, his mother had tortured and killed Oran for saving him.
But Obi-Wan was so tired, and he felt so small. If someone attacked him now, he wouldn't have been able to fight. And he didn't want to fight, he wanted to be held.
The man shifted them, laying them both down, arranging Obi-Wan so he was laying across the man's front, his ear resting over the steady thud of his heart.
The slow heartbeat, relaxed Obi-Wan as the Mando brought the covers up over them. Without conscious thought Obi-Wan fell back to sleep, following the sound of the steady thud, thud that kept the nightmares at bay.
Feemor hadn't reported to the Temple until he was landing, handing the baby off to a healer before searching for Mace.
Regrettably, Mace was in a Council Meeting, and Feemor snagged an unsuspecting passing Padawan in the hall and volunteered them to request Mace meet Feemor outside of the Council room.
Feemor paced back and before the large windows, his own heart was broken, the guilt making it near impossible to breathe, but he owed it to Mace to tell him in person.
He owed the same to Padawan Quinlan Vos.
Mace strode down the hall a few agonizing minutes later, and his first words were, "What went wrong? Weren't you able to retrieve the baby? You should be giving your report to the entirety of the Council."
Feemor nodded, "The baby will be fine, she is with the healers."
Mace paused, noting the glaring absence. "Where is Obi-Wan?
Feemor's throat constricted.
"Feemor, what happened?"
He could only shake his head.
"Is he alright?" Mace asked, voice so low, he almost couldn't hear it.
Though it didn't matter, the real question was; Is he alive?
Feemor found his voice, "There was a bombing, Obi-Wan was in the heart of it. The entire village was destroyed and swept away."
Mace said nothing, standing perfectly still.
It made Feemor feel worse than if he had raged.
"I'm so sorry," Feemor said, "I didn't know, it was supposed to be safe-"
He had never seen Mace cry before. The Korunnai Master stepped back and around Feemor.
"Mace-" he called, but Mace held up hand in negation without looking back as he walked.
Feemor felt lost.
Mace had been going to take on another Padawan, and because of Feemor, the Order had lost one of their brightest lights and Mace had lost a child.
Feemor wasn't sure how long he had been standing there, but a hand touched his shoulder. He whirled and he felt all composure fall away.
Qui-Gon cupped a hand over Feemor's cheek and he spoke as gently as he had ever heard his Master speak, "Padawan mine, what has happened?"
"Where did Mace depart to?" Dooku, who was standing a step or two back from Qui-Gon, asked.
Tears spilled over as he confessed his failing, "It was my fault, I should have kept him with me. He would have survived."
Qui-Gon's brows scrunched, then understanding filled his deep blue eyes. He pulled Feemor into an embrace, his voice rough, "He's with the Force."
Feemor broke, falling apart as he clung to his Master.
His first Master had died in front of him, and Feemor had always believed that would be the worst thing he would ever experience. But he had been wrong, because losing a youngling under his protection was far, far worse.
"It's my fault, he's dead, and it's my fault," Feemor said into Qui-Gon's shoulder.
Qui-Gon held him tighter, "You did not kill him, Padawan. There will always be things beyond our control."
Feemor let out a sob as Qui-Gon reopened the old bond between. He felt Qui-Gon's grief at Obi-Wan's loss, felt his sorrow that came with seeing his Padawan in pain.
Sometimes Qui-Gon's care was so all encompassing, when his Master pulled back it felt as if he had done something wrong. But feeling how much Feemor still meant to his Master… he was anchored while the hurricane raged around him.
Dooku put hand on Feemor's head, "I will tell Padawan Vos."
Feemor tried to pull back from Qui-Gon, "No, I should be the one-"
Qui-Gon hushed him, and Master Dooku said again, "I will tell Padawan Vos, however you may feel, Master Feemor, this was not your fault. We all agreed to it, we all believed it safe; we were wrong."
Feemor clung to Qui-Gon wishing that it had been him and not Obi-Wan who had paid for that mistake.
Quin knew something was wrong, he knew it before he entered his suite and Masters Dooku and Tholme turned twin expressions of grim mourning to him.
"No," Quin said.
Master Tholme stepped forward, his green eyes darker than Quin had ever seen him, "Quinlan, Obi-Wan-"
Quin stepped away from him, "Where is he? Where is he!?"
"He perished in a bombing on Stewjon."
"LIAR!" Quin bellowed, hands fisting, the teacups on the table rattling.
Master Dooku went on, unflinching, "It was a terrorist attack, unforeseeable, the entire village was destroyed."
"No," Quin said, fighting back tears. "No, Obi-Wan promised. He promised!"
"Quinlan…" Master Tholme said, kneeling before him without trying to touch him.
Quin threw his arms around the bigger man and couldn't stop himself from saying once more, "He promised."
Mace sat, legs hanging over the ledge where Obi-Wan and he had meditated a morning away.
Obi-Wan's death had not been publicized, but every Initiate, Padawan, Knight, and Master stationed on Coruscant wedged themselves into the sanctum.
They had no body, save for the old lightsaber Obi-Wan had partially bonded with and left behind.
The lightsaber wouldn't have helped him, and kyber seemed ready to move on, its light burned white golden light from the kiln, shooting into the air above them all. When light extinguished, Padawan Quinlan Vos had broken free from his Master's hold and had been the first to depart.
Mace was deep in his own thoughts but was not surprised when Yoda found him, grunting softly as he sat beside Mace hanging his clawed feet over the edge.
"Why did you not take him as your own?" Mace asked.
"Hmmm… a bright star, Obi-Wan. But eager to please was he, always pushing himself, he was. Not a good match. No, my padawans disagree with me must they, follow their own path."
Mace frowned, he and Yoda had disagreed on much over the years, but had never had the impression Yoda enjoyed being argued with.
Yoda must have caught the train of his thought because he sighed heavily as if his age had suddenly caught up with. "How teach one to disagree with you, hmm? Many mistakes made have I, mistakes spare others I wish to. Rebel without reason, no. To be contrary because of conceit, no. Teach those thing, can I. But how teach I, to argue? Wise I am, but infallible, no. Wise, tell one and wise believe will they, but without knowing why, useless it becomes. You and Dooku, learn you did, but not by knowing me wise. Every limit, test did you, proud am I."
Mace took in a long breath, then let it out, "Are you telling me that this has all been a test, that in making me the speaker, you wanted me to turn over the Council?"
Yoda chuckled, "Want this? Hmm... Know best, I do not. But know you, I do. Question with reason, you did. My arguments, challenge you did. Command you to argue with me, never have I. Doubted, always, your own wisdom, good this is, if still act can you. Change the Council, have you, change the Order will you. Good change, not to break tradition, but with reason, with the Force, this I commend. Proud of you, I am."
Mace stared at the sunrise. In some ways amused that Yoda's ultimate standard for his students was for them to be wiser than he was. But at the present, all amusement was short-lived. "It was Obi-Wan, not me."
Yoda hmmed, "A star he was, darker the sky without him it is. But with us, he remains, within the Force, all remain. Inspire you, still can he."
Mace swallowed hard before admitting, "I had planned to ask him to be my next Padawan."
Yoda laid a clawed hand on his knee and Mace looked down into those sorrowful green eyes and asked a child's question; "How can this have been what the Force wanted?"
Yoda let out another long sigh and Mace's shoulders eased as Yoda opened the bond between, sharing the long endurance of death he had acquired in his eight-hundred years of life.
His words were both those of a Master and a guardian to a youngling. Yoda was beloved by the young because he had a way of answering questions with both comfort and honesty. "Listen to the Force we do, though few we are, yet listen to many does the Force."
Mace's jaw tightened and his voice was deeper when he said, "Obi-Wan suggested the Order should invest in another Corp. The Senate has tasked the Order in keeping the Republic safe without the resources to do so." He continued before Yoda could counter him, "Our numbers are small, but there are many non-Force sensitives who serve in the Temple, and many more who serve in the Corps."
Yoda canted his head to the side, "Before, militant has the Order been, a dark path, it is."
Mace wasn't in the mood today to look away from dark truths, "If the Republic goes to war tomorrow, who will be tasked with dealing with it? We raise our younglings on Coruscant to combat the darkness here, yet what materially have we done for the Corusanti people? The beings who live without starlight beneath our feet? The Senate grows more ridiculous by the day. We follow their commands as a check on our power, on our greed, so we don't become a pale impersonation of the Sith, but where is their check, Master? If we see evil and allow it to continue unhindered, are we not complicit?"
Yoda smiled, "Plan you have."
"It's Obi-Wan's plan," Mace retorted.
"With us," Yoda said, gently and Mace heard the remorse in Force and across their bond as his voice broke over the last two words, "he remains."
Mace placed a hand over Yoda's and they sat in silence together as Mace began to unravel in his memories all that Yoda had ever taught him, separating those from the false things he had assumed in thinking that his Master wished obedience from him.
Yoda had never asked for obedience, he had given Mace every responsibility, all of the Orders traditions, all of the wisdom he could possibly offer, so that Mace would know what mistakes had been made in the past.
So that he would be able to forge a new path, a better way.
Those who did not know their history were fated to repeat it, those who did not acknowledge their own weaknesses were doomed to fall to them.
Those who did not know the bounds of their own limitations could never hope to surpass them.
And Mace had every hope in the galaxy.
AN: Thoughts, reactions, and feedback, pretty please?