Dying wasn't really a comfortable feeling. I think anyone who's experienced it could tell you that. At least it was quick., No matter how unpleasant it was, while my brain caught up with the fact I was dead. And then, darkness. Just… Darkness. Then the voices started, their whispers insidious and filled with malice.
Failure
Eh? I admit I didn't accomplish much doing my life in the grand scheme of things, but I think I was somewhat a good person. I tried, which is more than most people can say.
Freak
That one… That one hurts. Especially since it refers to so much of my stress before I died. Coming out as a trans woman had cost me a lot of things, yet... I had gained so much more. Friends, especially those that weren't the fair-weather type, and a certain peace that I wouldn't have been able to achieve otherwise.
Worthless, Hopeless, Hated, Patronized, Pitied-
The chorus of voices continued to assail me, whispering various hateful things, but, at this point, I was an accomplished master of ignoring words. Stick and stones, and all that. And, before I knew it, the chorus of voices fell silent.
Serve. A singular voice called out, filled with so much malice-hate-loathing-murder-rage that I simply couldn't comprehend how someone could hate the world so much.
"No." I answered. I wouldn't, no, couldn't hate the world as much as this being did. I had lived a good life. A full life, as much as it pained me to say. I needed no second chance that would have me serving the voice filled with that much negativity. I'd had enough of that in my life.
The voice laughed, a horrifying, deep belly chuckle.
As if you had a choice in the first place-
Though horrified beyond anything else I had ever felt, I laughed. "There's always a choice. free will is a constant across religions, ideologies, and cultures. Choices are sacred."
The voice seemed to pause, as if surprised by something. Then I nearly, metaphorically shat my nonexistent pants as it focused the entire weight of its rage on me.
Take her out of my sight. She will break. Just like all the others.
Those words should have horrified me. They did, but it was blunted, as if I had won a small victory over that hateful thing. It would be the first of many small victories I would experience in this hell...
[hr]
So, dying? It's got nothing on torture. Not when I'm convinced that I drew the personal ire of Satan himself. It got to the point where he had them fashion me a body to experience pain with again. Seriously, who does that?!
I… I want to say I tried to hold onto my courage from that first day. That I didn't break. But that would be a lie. I broke, though not in the way the bastard expected. My skin was still full of color, though pale, nothing like his servants. They looked vaguely familiar, being pale and sickly looking with glowing eyes, though I could no longer recall where I had seen such a thing. All of my focus, my will was spent on ensuring I would never break to the point where I served that hateful being.
With broken eyes, I stared at the… demon who oversaw my torment, lamenting the situation I had found myself in. On a happy note, my body was much better than my previous one, and I had nearly sobbed in relief when I found that out. Such happy thoughts were a distant thing of the past now.
"Still you will not serve?" She asked, "Very well, your torment begins anew. You will break, little one. The master has invested too much into your little soul for any other outcome."
I filed that little tidbit of knowledge away. It was all I could do before the agony began again, the sadistic smile on the face of my tormentor fixed in my mind. Yet, once again, I couldn't find it in myself to hate her. Hell, I pitied all of them. To be constantly hateful, it must be a sad, unfulfilling existence. Oh, that's not to say I hadn't hated them. I loathed these bitches for a long time. But my hatred had long since ran dry, and I won't let them win by making me into a mirror of them. So, I chose to pity them, to look down on them, to take the moral high ground.
The torment paused, though I had lost track of how long it had been. "Why," I rasped as I caught my breath, "Why do you serve such a hateful thing?"
The demoness's face twisted into a snarl. "Humanity is a cancer that must be purged from this world. All they are capable of is ruining everything! Constantly killing each other, constantly finding new ways to ruin the world! They'll die… Yes, they'll be destroyed!"
I laughed weakly. "So you say. But yet, as we find new ways to kill each other, we find new ways to heal. And war? War won't ever go away. It's a fundamental part of free will. Just as some choose war, some will always champion peace. We're flawed people, after all. Isn't that what makes life worth living?"
"Shut up! What would you know!?"
I simply stared at the hateful thing in pity. She wouldn't change. She had long since been consumed by her hatred of the world.
"You will regret pitying me, mortal." She promised, the loathing in her glowing eyes now personal.I giggled. As if I couldn't regret my circumstances more.
[hr]
That fucking bitch proved me wrong. I wasn't sure that it was possible to feel that much agony, but now I know. She was a sadistic one, that demoness. And, for the first time since I had let go of my hatred of this place, pity was replaced by a singular desire to tear that bitch to pieces.
I hated to admit it, but my... righteous hatred and anger at that demon gave me the strength and clarity to plan an escape. I knew it was possible, after all. I'd been here long enough to witness some particularly strong souls throw a pitying look at the hateful being and escape through some kind of… portal that they had manifested themselves. Though not all strong souls seemed to manage it. One of my immediate neighbors was one such soul, and her cries of torment kept me up at night. The demons certainly seemed to enjoy torturing her, just like they enjoyed the same to me.
"Time for your next session."
Now.
With my absolute hatred of this place giving me more strength than I had any right to have, I slugged the demon across the face, grabbed her head, then smashed it against the bars of my cell repeatedly until I was absolutely sure she was dead.
It was cathartic, killing my primary tormentor. One minute she was alive, confident in her ability to finally break me… maybe she had. After all, I was dashing her head against the steel bars of my cell, something I would never have done before.
Spitting on her body, I did a quick search of it for anything useful. Upon finding her keys (stuffed between her breasts, classic), I made my escape, though not before opening the only other occupied cell and dragging the rather beautiful blonde within to her feet.
"Danke." She said, her eyes glimmering with tears. "They underestimated you, it seems."
I laughed. It was not a pleasant sound, filled with nothing but hatred of this place. "Yes. And they'll pay for that. Here, let me get your bindings."
"Danke. Abyssal bastards, those were far too tight."
I filed that tidbit of information away as well. "I've seen others escaping this place. Do you happen to know how?"
The blonde nodded. "It's not exactly an exact science, but, hopefully, someone on the surface is performing a summoning. We basically just hitch a ride on the summons, and hope to god that they have enough materials on hand to pay the cost of our summoning."
I raise my eyebrows, "and if that fails?"
"We hope that we can self summon."
"Oh joy," I remarked, eyeing the startlingly familiar girl, now that I had a chance to observe her.
'Holy shit, that's Prinz Eugen. From Kancolle. Well fuck. I guess the various information coincides. But…'
My eyes widened in absolute horror.
Invested enough in your soul… Abyssal… Oh FUCK… They were going to make me an Abyssal. Shit. I'm glad I never broke. Especially if my suspicions are true, I wouldn't have been a mook. It would have been something more, likely a Flagship, Demon, or Princess.
"Hey, what's wrong?" My companion asked, her concerned eyes filling my vision. My gaze softened. It was nice, having someone else being concerned for me.
"Nothing. Just realized how close I had been to breaking, to serving this… this…"
"Scum?"
"Yeah, that works."
Prinz smiled. "You didn't break, and that's what matters. Never seen a human infused by the Abyss with a blueprint not break, though I'm sure there are more of you."
"Ehehe. Thanks. It wasn't easy, but it got easier when that bitch decided to make it her personal mission to break me."
Prinz's smile was a beautiful thing, one that filled me with hope. "Yeah, it gets easier when you can focus your anger on one." Her brow furrowed briefly as she focused on something I couldn't parse. "Also, I found an ongoing summoning. Standby." Her face knitted into a mein of concentration, Prinz Eugen began tearing a rift in reality open, one that finally widened enough for both of us to step through. "Together. Else the rift might destabilize. Three, Two, One!"
With a cry of triumph, I stepped through the portal, Prinz at my side.
[hr]
At Roughly the Same Time
Pearl Harbor
0000 Hours Local Time
"Admiral, unexpected draw on our stockpile. Something is latching on to the Summoning. At least one capital, possibly two."
The grizzled old man in charge of Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam nodded at his aide, a younger woman who he had taken on as his protege when he saw her potential. Alongside him was a younger man, one of the recognized experts of summoning within the world, who was on indefinite loan from Spain.
"Keep an eye on it." He said curtly, though his eyes were smiling. More shipgirls were always a good thing, especially a capital grade ship. He had been hoping for another carrier every time they had attempted to summon. Which, at this point, was almost a daily thing.
"Aye sir." His aide replied, a smile on her face. "Hoping for a carrier?"
His grunt, along with a chuckle from the Spanish man was the aide's only answer, which had her struggling to maintain decorum. Her mentor was strict, though he truly did care for the ships under his command, as well as his men and women.
"Summoning appears to be reaching critical mass, sir." The Spaniard reported, "The lighter ships will probably start appearing shortly." It needn't be said that this meant they should brace themselves. It wasn't rare for the girls to come out… effusive. Being ready for a tackle hug paid dividends.
His words were prophetic. Moments later the Arizona Memorial lit up, the immediately recognizable portal began to glow softly in golden light, familiar motes of light rising up off the surface. The first girl to come out was immediately recognizable to the old Admiral, who gave a shout of joy as a sobbing Johnston tackled him in a hug. The destroyer had been sunk in a delaying action while Pearl was evacuated for the second time during the war, and had been gone for almost six months.
A much more subdued trio of destroyers smiled at their sister's actions, the three calmly walking towards the pier and climbing up, helped up onto land for the first time in their new lives.
The motes of light increased in intensity as Prinz Eugen stepped out of the circle, looking absolutely haggard, her clothing in pieces, screaming for them to increase the amount of materials available.
As they say, an ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everyone. By now they knew very well to respond to such things with immediate action. Questions would come later, now they needed to handle whatever fuckery was afoot.
The grizzled Admiral's shout to confirm that order only expedited that process, and more steel was brought forward, and the band playing in the background began speeding up, playing a much more intense song. Summoning wasn't a precise art, but music was its own magic, as someone had said once.
"Bauxite! She needs bauxite!" Prinz screamed, "Goddammit you! Where's that will that wouldn't let you break! Fight it off, HE DOESN'T OWN YOU!"
As the bauxite, less than the carrier needed to come out at full strength, but more than enough for her to fight off… whatever she was fighting off was consumed, a shimmering figure cloaked in shadows began to appear in the summoning circle, clearly struggling against something.
"A name!" the figure gasped out, the shadows lightening for all of a second, "I need a NAME!"
Every ship girl's eyes widened, except for Prinz, who simply threw a pleading look at the Admiral. None of them could interfere in this, only the commander of the base could make this choice.
And make a choice he did. Cloaked in an aura of light, the old admiral spoke. "I name you Suzaku. Be welcome amongst your fellows, child."
No one would remember the cloak of light. Only the one who the name was intended for would remember the name. Such an event was sacred, for those who watched the world rarely interfered in the matters of mortals, nor did they enjoy those who witnessed such an event remembering their interference.
But the results spoke for themselves. The cloak of shadowy malice fell away, revealing the form of a young woman. She, unfortunately, fell to the floor unconscious immediately. Thankfully, as was her new nature, she floated.
Prinz, of course, attempted to help the unconscious shipgirl up, only to grunt as her own injuries caused her to fall to her knees. The trio of destroyers immediately rushed to the Cruisers' side, helping the less injured girl up to the docks before returning for the armored carrier. They grunted as they carried her deadweight to shore, not even attempting to get her up onto the docks. Her rigging was still deployed, after all.
Meanwhile, the other humans blinked. They had all dazed by the interference of a higher power. The old admiral recovered first, shouting out orders.
"Get me Vestal, NOW!" He roared, as Johnston was already sprinting to help her sisters with the unconscious carrier. "What happened Prinz Eugen." He asked, his tone kind yet steely.
"I was captured by an Abyssal force while fending off a raid on a convoy entering the channel. Thankfully, my escorts got away with the convoy, so that was good. Unfortunately for my sanity, I was captured intact by the Abyss. It was not… a fun experience, though that carrier was there far longer than I was. I'm surprised she didn't break to the constant torture she was under, to be perfectly honest."
The old Admiral snarled out a list of expletives, not at all happy to hear he had a pair of torture victims on hand. "I'd like a full debrief from you when possible Prinz."
"I'll get right on it admiral. I'm just glad we escaped that horrible place." She said sagging as she slowly struggled to her feet. A firm hand pushed her down. "Admiral?"
"Rest for now, Prinz. I'll have Vestal check you over as well."
"Thank you. I'm more damaged than I thought I was." Prinz admitted, finding a more comfortable position to sit, watching as Vestal approached the unconscious carrier and began fussing over her.
[hr]
"Johnston, Fletcher, Cassin Young, Kidd, help me with this stretcher please." Vestal ordered, already moving to 'operate' on the unborn carrier. "Whoever forced her into existence is going to be sorry when I get my hands on them." The repair ship growled, her engineering teams entering the other girl to get a more accurate assessment. To Vestal's surprise, they were barred from entering by the fairy crew of… Whatever the Taiho like ship was.
"Hey!" The leader of the engineers demanded.
"Desu!" The leader of what appeared to be the shipboard marines stated, "Desu!"
"What the hell do you mean you're mutinying!?" Vestal roared, startling all those around her, "Can you not see that she's barely holding onto herself as it is? Figure out your shit peacefully, or I'll have the entire base's marines in your ships' hull!"
"Desu?"
"Are you seriously telling me you haven't noticed her fading away? She isn't stable yet, damn it! Whoever grafted the echo of a G-15 onto her soul did a piss poor job, and her crew fighting is not helping!"
"Hey!"
"Desu…"
"Thank you. Now, let my engineers in, and we'll fix what's wrong with her. I promise." Vestal stated, spoken with certainty that belied her uncertainty.
"Uhmm"
"Yes Fletcher?"
"Can we move now Ms. Vestal?"
There was a pause, then the repair ship facepalmed. "Yes Fletcher, you may. Take her to the mobile repair bath I brought with me. I will be with you once I check on Prinz Eugen. Johnston, it should be just by the entrance to the pier."
"Gotcha Vestal! Fletchers, follow me~" Johnston singsonged, setting a brisk pace towards the entrance of the pier. The ambulance that had brought Vestal here would contain a mobile dock, or, as the humans called it, a repair bath. Not that that was exactly what it was. The actual composition of the fluid in the baths was… well, it wasn't just water.
"Johnston! Slow down! We're going to drop her!" Cassin Young complained, struggling to keep pace with her sister, unaware of her random tangential thoughts.
"Please do Johnston. We're not used to having bodies." Fletcher stated in support, a smile on her face. "It's good to see you again, sisters. Even if it is for a rather unfortunate reason."
Kidd and Cassin Young nodded, Johnston remaining silent for a moment before nodding. "It is, yeah. While there's a certain thrill in battle, it's not worth the cost of life war brings."
"You always were the most battle-hungry of us Johnston." Kidd teased, "I'm glad to see you mellow out a bit."
Johnston smiled bitterly, a barely restrained sob present in her voice. "Losing Hoel, Sammy B, and Heerman again will do that to you." The Fletcher stared sadly at her sisters, "I know why Heerman was so against us being gung ho now…"
"Damn. Sorry Johnston. I didn't mean to-"
"You couldn't have known Kidd. I won't hold it against you." Johnston said curtly, cutting off her sister. The wound was still somewhat fresh for her, after all.
Silence prevailed as the four sisters carried their charge to the mobile dock, and, upon reaching it, set the ship down into it, Johnston carefully stripping her charge. The solution in the water worked best when the body within was nude, which was another thing that they still hadn't figured out the reason for when she was… sunk.
Shuddering, Johnston waved of Fletcher's concerned look. "I'm fine, just some unpleasant memories. You three should go see Vestal. She likes to check up on each new girl, and she can wait to do my checkup. Need to make sure the Carrier's escorted.
"If you're sure Johnston…" Fletcher replied, still looking concerned.
Blushing at the sight of the carrier's nude form, Johnston waved her sister ships away.
"I am. Go on, get!" As her sisters left, the destroyer turned her gaze to the totally sleeping carrier who had cracked one of her eyes open. "They're gone now. You should probably stop pretending to sleep."
[hr]
Of course one of them would notice. Snapping my eyes open fully, I assessed the situation I had found myself in, which, frankly, was hard as fuck to do when I was nude in front of someone I found attractive. Also, the "water" I was in wasn't helping at all. Neither were my new parts.
"Sorry. I didn't really want to interrupt your conversation. You looked like you needed to catch up with your sisters." I replied hesitantly, covering myself briefly with my arms before sighing, letting them flop to my side.
"You don't act like a newly summoned." Johnston said casually, "And I appreciate it. I needed that talk, regardless of how annoying Kidd was with her-" The Taffy cut herself off, took a deep breath, and exhaled. "Sorry. I made an oath to myself when I didn't see Heerman, Hoel, and Sammy B with me that I wouldn't continue acting as I had."
"That's admirable. Takes a lot of effort to change who you are." I stated, "God only knows-"
"You aren't new to having a body, are you?"
I snapped my jaw closed. Eyeing the destroyer warily, I nodded.
"Thought so. Prinz said something about you needing a name, and I remember nothing for a good five seconds after that. Then Vestal bitches about something grafted onto your soul."
I snarled in anger. So that was what the fucker had done to me. Seething, I glared at the wall of the ambulance, mentally plotting out the various things I would do to the Lucifer-like bastard once I got a hold of him.
Johnston, in the meantime, had stepped back, looking moments away from doing something that I'd regret inviting her into doing. So, with the will of steel that had gotten me through my ordeal, I forced those feelings into a box, shoved them down, and calmed myself. I knew I would suffer from ignoring them, but right now, I simply couldn't deal with it.
"Sorry, they were not kind about it. Hell, the reason I thought they had given me a body was so I could feel pain again since I was sorta just an incorporeal soul when they got a hold of me."
Johnston stared, though she nodded. "I can understand that. Wait, no. I don't understand, but I guess I can empathize?"
I waved her off, wincing as the action caused a flare of pain in my arm. Johnston, either uncaring or unaware of my pain nodded, "Well, back to my impromptu interrogation. You know what ship you are?"
I nodded. That was part of the reason I was unconscious. "I wasn't ever built. Only ever a blueprint. G-15 Class, more commonly known as Taihou-Kai." My crew grumbled a bit, though that was to be expected. There were, in some manner, all a portion of my soul given form. I hadn't had a crew since I was never built, so my soul was substituting by providing facsimiles of my friends, family, and various people I had met or read about in life. It was also why some of them mutinied. Because apparently, my chaotic side had to have fun.
Johnston's next question snapped me out of my internal musings.
"Do you remember the name you were given? Don't really wanna call you G-15." She replied, the snark in her voice almost palpable.
I shook my head. "Yeah, I do. My hull name is Suzaku. No idea why whoever named my hull named it after the Vermillion Phoenix, but…"
Johnston's eye narrowed briefly at my use of hull name. "You have another name?"
I nodded, not exactly happy to have to explain. "The name I had in life, Lillie." At Johnston's understanding nod, I pressed on. "I'll probably use my hull name publicly, but in private, I'd really prefer to keep going by Lillie or Yuri." I was almost pleading at this point, not really knowing who I was talking to. Myself or the ship that likely had almost no authority over me.
"Why Yuri?" Johnston asked, cocking her head to the side, in what I would consider an adorable manner.
"Lily in Japanese. I felt it would be respectful to have one since I am an IJN design."
"Ah."
We lapsed into silence as the Ambulance arrived… well, I don't fucking know. I assumed the shipgirl docks since I had probably looked like I needed repairs, though my crew assured me they couldn't actually find anything wrong with me, as did Vestal's engineers, though they were tutting at the various tech they could make better. To their surprise, my response to that was to simply laugh, surprising Johnston as she helped me out of the portable repair bath and into my clothing. I was still sore all over, after all.
"Vestal's engineers are tutting at my twenty fives," I said, grinning as I pulled my leggings up. "They're now wondering why I'm not weakly trying to defend IJN tech."
Johnston starred as well, before laughing herself. "Oh God, it's nice to meet yet another convert to the cult of Bofors. Those twenty fives are worse than the old Chicago pianos, I swear." At this, the curiously blushing destroyer passed me my underwear. I filed that thought away for later. She had probably seen it. Returning my attention to Johnston, I nodded, my eyes sparkling.
"I know! And USN planes are… well, my inner weeb cries to say this, but I'd prefer some hellcats to a zero…" The underwear went on, followed shortly by my pants and skirt.
Johnston rolled her eyes, still giggling. "Never heard an IJN girl say she doesn't like her planes, but all the ones I've met have pilots trained for them. Wait, on that note, how utterly green is your crew?" The idle question had me pause as I put on my shirt and coat-like thing. Querying my crew briefly for an answer to Johnston, I sagged visibly at the answer.
"They're so utterly green they need to go back to boot. Send me too. I have no idea how to ship." Tears dripped from my eyes in shame, shame I hadn't even been aware of till just now.
Johnston looked genuinely shocked. "Your crew is civilian?"
I nodded, wiping my face as I provided my best explanation. "Yeah, never was in the military myself. So… My soul is my crew. They're green beyond belief."
Johnston looked so utterly furious for a second that I stepped back, falling ass first back into the bath as I stepped away from her. Then it was gone, the destroyer's face utterly neutral as she pulled me up to my feet. Brushing my outfit off, she whispered soothingly,
"I'm not angry at you." She stated simply, forcing a smile onto her face, "I'm utterly furious with the Abyss. Taking a civilian and forcing her to fight…"
I nodded hesitantly. Johnston's mood swing was scary, but I could somewhat understand. She was built to protect civilians, in a roundabout way. Taking my nod for what it was, we silently finished dressing my body, the other shipgirl assisting me with putting my armored bits on. Finally, upon finishing, Johnston took my left hand in a surprisingly tender grip, then led me out of the ambulance, towards an unknown destination.
"Where are we going, Johnston?" I asked, noting that we were no longer alone. A bunch of other people on the base, human or ship, were watching us pass by. It annoyed me that some of them were whispering furiously among themselves, yet others-
"JOHNSTON!" Someone cried out, slamming into the destroyer in a tackle hug, something reminiscent of a scene that played out earlier. "You fucking idiot I missed you!" Said girl shouted, as she buried her head in Johnston's bust, crying softly.
Johnston gave her a look of fond exasperation, before patting the crying girl, turning to face me. "Suzaku, meet my 'daughter', Johnston. Jr, meet Suzaku."
"Yo!" I chirped in greeting, waving at the girl. "Nice to meet you Johnston, I'm Suzaku, as Johnston said."
The seafoam green eyes of the younger Johnston peaked out from her elder's bust. She, after taking a brief look, buried her head in Johnston's bust again. The Fletcher sighed in exasperation.
"Jr, I have to get Suzaku to the drydock. She has to have her mandatory refit."
I looked questioningly at the older Johnston, who shook her head and mouthed "later". Shaking my head bemusedly, I nodded. It was fun watching with barely concealed humor as Johnston removed Johnston from her bust, waving her off with a promise to catch up later. As soon as the Gearing disappeared from sight, running off back to the dorms, the Fletcher sighed. "Sorry, Jr is attached to me… well, the ideal of me. Anyways, as for the refit, we'd usually hold off on it, but in this case, it'll let us assess your design, and do a more complete check than what Vestal's engineers can do."
I nodded at the explanation, a thoughtful look on my face. "Makes sense."
We lapsed into silence again, the soft clack of our heeled shoes echoing silently as we left the dorms and approached the industrial section of the base. A few personnel waved at us as we passed them, a few of them stopping us briefly to chat with Johnston and a few with myself. Nothing all too memorable, just idle chatter at best. At last, almost ten minutes later we arrived at the "drydock". To my surprise, it was not quite what I was expecting, being contained in a building and looking a lot like a miniature drydock designed for a human-sized ship.
At my bewildered look, Johnston laughed. "Yeah, that was my reaction too. Apparently, it helps the refit get done faster or something. Vestal could explain the metaphysics behind it better than I could, but it basically boils down to symbolism."
I 'ah'd' in understanding. It made sense. I guess.
"Anyway," Johnston continued, "They're going to put you under when you get here, and they'll be done with the "operation" probably sometime in about sixish hours once they start. That's usually about how long these take, at least. Anyway, that's me off. I promised Jr some quality time, so I gotta run. You okay alone for a bit?"
"Yeah, I should be. Thank you, Johnston." I replied, sitting down on one of the many benches scattered around the "drydock".
"No problem. Good luck with the refit!" The fading form of the destroyer yelled as she ran out of the room.
And thus, I was alone again. It was nice, in a strange way.