Note: Just practicing a few new tricks. Essentially it's Leliana's feelings after the Battle of Denerim. Takes place during my 'War of the Old Ones' saga.

There is so much smoke, the stench of fire and blood choking every pore. My arms are aching, weary from the constant draw of my bow. Circle mages and the royal archers stand beside me, overlooking the carnage below. Fort Drakon is but an ocean of corpses and steel, and still the Archdemon swims above it, defiant to the last. But its strength is failing, its attacks faltering. We are winning.

My eyes scan the tower, and finally I see her, the blue of her Warden uniform shining out against the burning sunset. She stands with Sten and Alistair, her face bloody, but her gaze is iron. It renews my resolve, and I draw an arrow once more. Then her voice breaks through, clear and resonant:

"Mages, archers, attack from above with everything you've got!"

This will be the final assault.

My arrow flies true, striking a darkspawn, and it becomes an automatic gesture. Three, four, seven, ten; they drop like flies. The Archdemon screams, the Dalish warriors swarming. It has no defenders left.

Finally, Elissa breaks into a charge, her sword in both hands. Her speed is almost inhuman, and then she leaps. A cry escapes her, and the blade plunges deep between the Archdemon's eyes.

The effect is instant. The beast rears, jerking its head as blackened blood pours from every wound. Elissa holds, barely, and then she is thrown aside. My breath catches as she hits the ground, twisting over her leg and rolling over and over, until the battlements stop her dead. She drops to her front, and coughs out a mouthful of blood. For a long moment she is still, and my heart freezes.

Then she raises her head, and my smile will not be contained.

She has done it!

The Archdemon groans, at last defeated. The light in its eyes fades, and it throws out its wings, smacking the ground with the force of a rumbling giant. It collapses, and the fortress trembles, unable to withstand the shockwave. Cracks start to spread across the floor, the stone buckling.

Right towards…

"ELISSA!"

I throw my bow, now useless, and tear down the tower steps. My feet dance across the rippling stone, racing against the ever-widening fissure. Elissa's eyes are filled with terror. She tries to escape, but she cannot move her leg. My lungs are screaming, my heart howling. I have to reach her, I have to, I have to!

The ground begins to fall away, and Elissa cries out. She snatches a splintered rafter, suspended hundreds of feet above nothingness. Now I can see the beautiful hazel in her eyes, and I stretch out my hand. She reaches to me as well. Almost, I am almost…

"Leliana, watch out!"

Alistair's cry. Arms circle my waist, and I am brought to my knees.

"NO!" The scream is torn from my lips, just as the battlement above collapses. The stones crash past, straight for Elissa and where I would have been as well. For an instant our eyes meet, mine misted with tears.

Then it is over, and Elissa's shriek is all that rings in my ears.

"Elissa!"

Her name ripples through me, and I sit bolt upright, drenched in sweat. Harsh rasps crackle against my chest, and the shaking will not cease. Cold and darkness swirl as one, smothering, choking. I want it to take it all away. But the vision still haunts, that gaze of pure hazel etched forever in my mind, and I bury my face in my hands.

She's gone, she's gone…

And it's all my fault!

My chest turns tight, and suddenly the air will not reach. It is all daggers inside, a vicious whirlwind that rips my entire being. Every wound widens, blood pouring endlessly, drowning me in a tide that cannot be stemmed.

"Leliana?"

A soft voice draws closer, and a hand comes to my shoulder. I flinch, unable to stand such gentleness, such warmth. It is not the touch I want; the one I will never feel again. All the hope and promise that carried me has been dashed, burned away as if it had never been, and I cannot stand it. Her beautiful voice, her rare but radiant smile, that scent of seawater and leather and earth that brought my heart to a standstill…

"Leliana, you have to breathe out first," Wynne said calmly, taking my hand. Her hold breaks the hurricane, and I surface, a single moment returned. Her fingers stroke my back, and loathe as I am to follow her instruction, I am compelled to. The breath spills from my chest, too full, too painful, and then I can inhale again.

Slowly, I am able to breathe once more. But the tightness remains, my heartbeats an agony against my ribs. It will never leave me.

Wynne remains silent, her eyes telling more than words. They reflect pain as well, yet are only a scratch on the surface to what boils within me. None of them know this storm of fury and sorrow; a storm that cannot be contained, bringing all it touches crumbling into dust.

My heart will never be whole again.

I curl my knees to my chest, pressing my fist to my breastbone. Anything to make it stop hurting. The ring necklace burns upon my skin; the only reminder I have left. I both want to rip it away and cradle it close.

Why…did she know, then?

Bile sours my mouth, black and bitter, and I wretch, my stomach knotted. My hair clings to my scalp, clammy and soaked, and now my tears begin again. Spilling from a well that will never empty.

Wynne touches my cheek. "I am sorry."

Her words are meant to soothe, but instead they provoke lightning. I cast off her hand, my lip curling.

"Leave me," I snarl. I do not need this. I do not want this. My heart's only desire has been taken away forever.

I have nothing left.

"You should not push us away," Wynne said. "We are all grieving for her, and it is not right you should carry your burden alone. Talk to us…"

"What good will words do?!" I snap, my voice hoarse. That which was my currency, the riches upon my art was made…now it was all worthless. "Elissa is gone! I failed her, and nothing is ever going to bring her back!"

"Leliana…" Wynne offers her hand again, but I shrink back. I cannot, I will not…

Why have you done this me?!

I throw aside my blanket and rise, the stone tiles like ice to my bare feet. Ever that cannot freeze the crippling blaze, the brand through my chest that will forever burn. It gouges at the emptiness within, the part of my soul that she took with her. The piece of me I once vowed to never give away again.

I was a fool…

Wynne does not follow as I leave the room. I do not care. My vision is blurry, and I hold my forehead. It is all too dark, too hot. I have to escape.

The Arl's estate is a maze, but I struggle through, swallowing, my throat like sand. The door to the upper guest room appears, and my trembling worsens. I turn away, angry droplets trickling down my cheeks. She had escaped the clutches of death then, and found the courage to open her heart at last. Even now I can taste her lips against mine, the warmth of her scarred body in my arms, her whispered confession in my ear.

And all of it has turned to ash.

I force myself to keep walking, seeking the cold night breeze. It comes in the form of an open balcony, and I leave the confining walls. The air is a blade of ice, and I welcome it, though it does not reach deep enough. My breath rises, drifting towards the stretch of stars overhead. A familiar constellation catches me, and the fires reignite all over again. Alindra and her lover—a story she was so fond of hearing. A story I will now never repeat.

Heaves strangle me, and I glare at the heavens. So perfect, so immeasurable…so infuriating.

"Why did you take her?!"

My scream echoes, unheard, ignored. It takes the rumbling in my heart with it, and my knees smack into cold stone. My fingers claw at the ground, numb and raw.

"Why did you take her?" I sob. The tears sting like acid in my eyes, and my head bows. Dear Maker, I gave everything to you. When I was lost, crushed by the weight of the world, you showed me that hope could still bloom in darkness. You revealed a rose untamed by shadows, a rose that should not have been, yet proved to be the most beautiful of all.

And now you have even stolen that from me.

I crumple, burrowing my head in my knees. The chill kisses my shoulders, like fangs raking my skin. It cannot match what churns inside. She gave up so much, she had carved and fought and kicked and screamed her way to victory. And at the final moment, everything had been snatched away. The promise of the future shattered, like the fragments of my heart. Fragments that had taken so long to bring together again.

Because of me, you will never see the light again, my love.

The knives dig deeper. I am nothing but a harbinger of pain. All the lives I took—no, revelled in taking—the people I betrayed, the lies I spun, the suffering I wrought. Of course the Maker would not overlook these. I could repent all I wanted, but regret would not bring back the dead. If they could not be allowed happiness, then why should I?

But you did not have to forsake her.

You could have taken me…

She didn't deserve to die!

The darkness presses close, iron chains dragging me into its depths. I cannot fight it. I do not want to fight. I just want release. To hear her voice one more time, to feel her smile.

I could not even say goodbye.

My cheeks scarred with tears, my eyes fall shut, and I let the shadows take me.