Diary of A Broken Heart

December 26th, 2011:

So I liked him in 8th grade. My best friend did too, but I pretended I didn't because keeping my liking for guys a secret has always been tough; it was always spread somehow. 9th grade I didn't know him too well, we had some sort of a growing friendship. All I know is that in December he asked me "what would you say if I asked you out?" I told him that he was my friend, and I would definitely want to explore more. I think he took it negatively, when I only meant it positively. I REALLY liked him. I told him we have potential. But I told him I'd also say no because I'm too afraid to ruin the friendship. If I could go back in time, I would change that.

You see, that line led us to where we are now. Let's just talk about what I felt like before he half asked me out. He was dating this gorgeous girl, Katherine. She was absolutely stunning. I thought I had no chance whatsoever so I didn't mind even being jealous or depressed about it. Then he told me they broke up. And I felt really bad for him. My protective side began to show, and hate replaced by admiring feelings for her. I hated her because she hurt him, nothing less. He once texted me asking for advice related to her. And I helped him from the bottom of my heart; I told him exactly what I would want him to do if I were her. I wanted him to be happy, even if that meant me being friend zoned. Once the subject of her was over, he told me he's lucky to have me as a friend. It brightened my day. I satisfied him, I don't care if I was only the good-listening friend, and I was there for him. Anyways, things didn't work out between them. And I was, not literally, the shoulder to cry on. It was nice. And I think that during that time is when he began liking me.

Then came winter break. And he went to Italy during the time. When he was in Italy, I found out my best friend moved away. I was completely heart broken. I wanted to talk to him. So, I stalked his Facebook, and guess what? His relationship status said he was in a relationship with a girl named Isobel. At the time, I still really wasn't that jealous over him. My liking for him wasn't that strong. I always talked to my best friend about him, even after she moved. After I saw pictures of him and Isobel, though, that is when I got jealous.

School started again, he moved away, they broke up, and I was happy everything was back to normal. We flirted occasionally. I remember one time, on text messages, I asked him a question at 5am and I said I'm sorry if I had woken him up. He explained and said I didn't, so I just went back to bed. It was a school night, I was screwed!

December 27th, 2011:

After winter break, things got weeeird. We were texting, and he was… "Excited". And I didn't ant to reject him for multiple reasons; loving him, and caring too much.

So, I went along. This is how the conversation went, starting from the weird part.

Him: Do you want to see it?

Me: Haha! No! =P

Him: Boxers?

Me: Yuuuck

Him: C'mon ;;)

Me: Finee.

Aaand, he sent it. I had school the next day. I didn't feel safe with him, it jut felt awkward for me. I didn't want to be around him. It was awkward and I couldn't get the image out of my head and it disgusted me. So he stopped talking to me after I told Bonnie what happened. For a while, I thought he hated my guts. So, he stopped talking to me and moved to my used-to-be-mortal-enemy's table during lunch. Her name is Karen. We're really close friends now. She tells me he used to backstab me during the time he sat with them. I felt really hurt. Like, I thought we were closer than that? Anyways, I apologized. And he got over it. Then, I remember one night we were talking on text messages and he asked me to forget about the picture, because 'it really fucked up our friendship'. I thought it was really sweet that he even noticed and cared enough to say that. I forgot it, because lets face it, I'd miss him too much. He then asked me what I'd want my boyfriend to be like. I described it, and I felt like I was describing him. Funny, good-listener, good type of a flirt, brown eyes and hair, tan, tall, muscular. It all fit him. Then he described his perfect girlfriend, and I felt like I could relate to the person he was describing. By this point, I was in love. Like, not "in-like" but in-love. I'm gonna talk about how I feel about him now. Let's just say he's my biggest strength and weakness. The smallest things he could do would drastically change my day. A single smile he would give me would make me giggle insanely. Hugging him became a routine. Hugging him feels so familiar; it feels like home. Him standing next to me would make me want to brush shoulders with him, and it was hard to breathe. There was this feeling I got in my stomach- it was bittersweet. I'm not sure if it was good or bad, but it was fun. My favorite thing to do is be with him. And I love when I'm about to let go from his hugs and he just holds on tighter. He was always on my mind now. At this point, (December 27th), I truly believe I can't live without him. I remember last year, he picked me up while he we were hugging and it had made my week. I remember it as one of the best moments of 9th grade.

Anyways, where did I stop in the story? Oh right, before the last days of 9th grade. Last day of school: talent show day. Out of uniform for the talent show, and everyone was bringing in shirts to be signed because it was the end of the year. I brought in a pink tank top. He told me to save the cleavage area for him. He signed that part. He was trying to write "boob" but I stood back before he finished the last b, so it looked like "boo". I added an exclamation point and made it look "boo!"

Talent show came. I performed. I saw him in the hallway and he hugged me really tight. He asked me why I changed my shirt (I was wearing the blue tank top with a navy blue cardigan, a very revealing outfit, mind you). I laughed and said it's too revealing and he said that was the point. Then we all went out to the mall. We were PACKED in the car. I was sitting on Caroline's lap in the cair. His best friend, Alaric, was next to Caroline, and he was next to Alaric. Sexy Bitch by Akon and David Guetta was playing and he screamed out "perfect song" and looked at me. That day when we got to the mall, we ate at McDonalds together and sat with Bonnie. And then we got movie tickets for X-MEN. As we waited outside, he was being the biggest cutie. He was putting his hand around ym waist and hugging me and just being so adorable. Just when I was about to let go, he hugged me tighter. It was quite adorable. The movie started and we sat next to each other the whole time. He slapped the back of my thigh and I gave him a wink. Then we held hands for about 15 minutes. The movie ended and I chilled outside with him and friends. He left to go to Virgin Megastore with Alaric. I thought he was leaving, so I left too. Later, he texted me that night and that's when things got big.

He put me on his BBM status, and texted me all cute. It was late at night when I had gotten home that we started talking again. He told me I'd make his day perfect by sending him a picture of my boobs. I didn't want to. I wasn't ready yet. Anyways, he got pissed and punched his phone. He broke his screen. I called him and I had to whisper to not attract attention to myself in my silent house. He was whispering back to prove he wasn't pissed at me for being the reason he punched his phone thus breaking it. It was cute, I laughed. I hung up, and promised to make it up to him. By you know how.

A/N: Sorry that was so short, I have the next chapter written, but I felt like it was best to end this chapter here.

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xoxo.