Title: We'll rebuild our world.
Author: J.J. Smith (pirateof221b on Tumblr)
Beta: my lovely Dalek sister (residentof221b on Tumblr)
Rating: T
Pairing: Kurtofsky
Genre: Romance
Spoilers: Season 3 up to OMW
Disclaimer: Not mine, or Glee would have more continuity and a lot more Dave.
Summary: "What's the last thing you remember?"
"I remember I left Breadstix after you told me you just wanted to be friends."
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated Philip Dawson yet; OMW hit me hard and I haven't really been able to write the happy, fluffy Kurtofsky I need for the second part of that. Instead, I wrote this. I hope you enjoy it!
We'll rebuild our world.
Chapter 1
Kurt is panicking. He can't believe this is happening. Dave, his Dave, his wonderful husband, might never wake up. Just because one idiot decided it was a good idea to drive home while drunk. The idiot had walked away without a scratch on him, but Dave hadn't been that lucky. A punctured lung, broken leg and dislocated shoulder were the least of his worries. There was a lot of swelling in his brain. The doctors had kept him in a medically induced coma for a week, waiting for the swelling to go down. 2 months have passed since that week and Dave hasn't woken up yet.
Kurt can hardly focus on his job, or anything, really; the conversation he had had with Dave's doctor was too clear in his head. "We need to discuss your options, Mr. Hummel-Karofsky." "Your husband's situation hasn't shown any progress." "You might consider taking him off the machines."
Kurt has seen enough medical dramas to know that it might come to that, but he can't get himself to seriously consider it. He isn't ready to say goodbye to Dave; he'll never be ready for that. He comes to the hospital every day before and after work. He hasn't eaten dinner outside of the hospital for two months. When midnight rolls around, he peels himself away from his husband and goes home to sleep. He'd rather stay with Dave all day and night long, but he has a job, and he needs sleep, a shower and clean clothes.
It's late at night, Kurt has to leave soon, and he finally says the words he's been dreading out loud. "I might have to let you go." He squeezes Dave hand harder than he would if Dave were awake, as if the pain would wake him up. By now, Kurt's desperate enough to do anything to get his husband to wake up. "You really need to wake up, David, and soon. Or…" Kurt chokes back a sob. "I don't want to bury you, David. I don't know if I can. Please don't make me a widower at 28."
Kurt holds Dave hands for another hour before he leaves for home. Kurt doesn't know how much longer he can keep doing this. Maybe it really is better to let go, not just for Dave but for himself as well. Kurt has trouble falling asleep that night, and thoughts of a future without Dave plague his dreams when he finally does.
He's awoken by the shrill sounds of his phone. He answers groggily, still half asleep.
"Mr. Hummel-Karofsky, this is Doctor Yancy."
Kurt shoots up, wide awake.
"Your husband woke up."
"I'm on my way." Kurt doesn't trust himself to drive to the hospital and calls a cab. He can't find his socks fast enough and opts to forgo them. He's dressed in record time and waits outside for the cab. Kurt's tapping his foot impatiently; he needs to see his husband.
Kurt cannot remember the car-ride to the hospital. He can barely remember running through the corridors to Dave's room. He's out of breath when he reaches Dave's room.
"David!" Kurt exclaims. His husband is sitting upright, his eyes open, answering some questions the doctor's asking.
"Kurt?" Dave looks confused. "Why are you here?"
"-K… Eh, could I speak with you outside for a bit?" Doctor Yancy asks before ushering Kurt outside.
"Why did you just call me -K? Why didn't you finish my name? Why did David look so surprised to see me?" Kurt rambles.
"I'm very sorry, but it seems your husband has lost his memory of the last ten years. We need to run some more tests to see whether or not this is permanent, but I can tell you that in most cases the patient's memory comes back eventually. Try not to panic; your husband needs you right now."
"Okay." Kurt takes a few deep breaths. "What do I do?" He tries, and fails, to keep the fear out of his voice.
"Your husband has some questions that I can't answer, about his personal life. Please try to not tell him anything too shocking just yet; he only just woke up. It might be best to lie about some things, or withhold the truth for now."
"Are you telling me I shouldn't tell David we're married?"
"Not yet. I understand that this is difficult for you, but I'm only trying to act in your husband's best interest."
"I understand. Nothing big. I can do that. I'd like to see my husband now, if that's okay."
"Of course. I'm going to order some tests for your husband; I'll be back in about an hour."
Kurt takes a few seconds to prepare himself mentally before walking into Dave's room again.
"I'm sorry; I hope I didn't offend you or anything. I just… I didn't expect to see you here," Dave apologizes.
"It's okay." Kurt grabs a chair and sits down next to Dave's bed. "The doctor just told me you don't remember the last ten years. What's the last thing you remember?"
"I remember I left Breadstix after you told me you just wanted to be friends."
"Oh… okay." Kurt understands now why Dave is confused he's there. They didn't become friends until a few weeks after that day.
"So, I guess we became friends?"
"I consider you to be my best friend," Kurt answers with a smile. It isn't even a lie; Dave is his best friend, but he's also so much more.
"Oh, that's cool." Dave hesitates a bit before he asks the next question. "Where's my dad?"
"Eh…" Kurt doesn't really know how to answer that. Doctor Yancy told him not to give Dave any shocking news.
"That guy who saw us tonight, I mean, ten years ago, did he out me? Is that why my dad isn't here?"
"No! That's not why. I promise that's not why he isn't here. Your dad… When he found out that you're gay, he supported you. It was a bit awkward at first, but he never stopped loving you. He… I'm not supposed to give you any shocking news, so I can't tell you why he isn't here."
"He's dead," Dave says.
"Yes. I'm sorry. He died three years ago," Kurt explains. "He loved you so much."
"How..." Dave's voice cracks.
"He had a brain tumor. He didn't suffer and he wasn't alone."
"Fuck." Dave angrily wipes away his tears. "Why can't I remember?"
"David." Kurt grabs Dave's hand tightly in his own. "It's okay to cry. I'm here for you, David."
"My dad's... I don't know how to deal with this," Dave admits.
"We'll deal with it together, just like we did three years ago." Kurt squeezes Dave's hand. "Don't be ashamed to cry in front of me."
"Kurt..."
"It's going to be okay. I'm here for you." Kurt tries to smile up at his husband, but it's getting harder and harder. This isn't his husband; this is an eighteen-year-old boy who had just lost his father and Kurt doesn't know how to deal with that.
Both Dave and Kurt don't speak for the rest of the hour. Kurt holds Dave's hand as Dave doctor Yancy returns, he tells Kurt to go home so they can both get some rest. Kurt promises Dave he'll come back later that day. He doesn't want to leave, but he knows Dave needs his rest and if he stays in the hospital, he won't be able to leave Dave alone.
Kurt doesn't sleep; he's too excited to have Dave back in his life.
At seven, Kurt calls the school to tell them he won't be coming in today to stay with his husband. Next, he calls his father. Burt doesn't answer the phone, so Kurt leaves him a message.
"David woke up! Dad, he's alive. I spoke to him a few hours ago. He's resting now and I'm going to see him again later today, but... he has lost his memory. He doesn't remember anything from the last ten years. Dad, I don't really know how to deal with this. He's there, alive and awake, but it's not really him. Anyway... Call me when you get this. I love you!" Kurt tries to get a few hours of sleep in. He'd rather go back to the hospital, but he knows Dave needs his rest, and it wouldn't hurt for him to get in a bit of sleep as well.
Kurt falls asleep reasonably fast and wakes up feeling refreshed three hours later. He takes a shower, gets dressed, grabs a few photo books and leaves for the hospital. He's anxious to see Dave again. When Kurt finally enters the room, he sees Dave's sitting upright eating hospital food.
"Hey," Kurt greets him. "How are you feeling?"
"Doctor Yancy told me that I'll probably get all my memories back."
"That's great." Kurt sits down next to Dave again. "I'm so happy to see you awake."
"The nurses told me my situation was pretty bad."
"It was. There was talk about... pulling the plug," Kurt whispers the last words.
"I'm glad they didn't," Dave replies. "Eh... have you eaten yet?"
"No. I forgot." Kurt realizes. "I should get some from the cafeteria."
"Or we could share? I'm not that hungry yet."
"I'll take your pudding," Kurt says.
"I hate pudding."
"I know," Kurt replies.
"So, you and Blaine got married?" Dave asks, trying to sound nonchalant.
"What? Where did you get that idea?"
"Your wedding band." Dave points towards Kurt's finger. "Or is that just a normal ring and did I just make a fool of myself?"
"Oh. Eh, it's my wedding ring, yes, but I didn't marry Blaine." Kurt can almost feel Dave's ring burn in his pocket.
"I'm sorry. It's been ten years. You probably met someone else. Tell me about him."
"He's the best man I've ever known." Kurt can't get himself to tell Dave anymore. It hurts that Dave doesn't remember that they're married, but he knows it's not his fault.
"He'd better be treating you right," Dave jokes, but Kurt can hear the hurt in his voice. If Valentine's is the last thing he remembers, it must hurt to think that Kurt is with someone else right now. He isn't sure whether he should tell Dave the truth yet; he should probably talk to the doctor first.
"He treats me like a king," Kurt says. "I think I'm going to see if I can find doctor Yancy; I have some questions for him. Will you be okay?"
"Of course. If I need anything, I can always ask a nurse."
"I'll be back soon." Kurt squeezes Dave's hand one more time before he leaves the room. It doesn´t take Kurt long to find doctor Yancy. The man confirms what Dave has just told him. Dave is in excellent condition. His memory will most likely return completely. Dave should be ready to go home in a few days. Kurt asks him whether or not he should tell Dave they´re married; doctor Yancy tells Kurt that Dave'll find out one way or another, so Kurt might as well tell him. It might also help Dave remember. Anything could unlock his memories. He encourages Kurt to go through old photos with Dave.
When Kurt enters the room again, he sees that Dave has been crying. He forgot that Dave has just lost his dad again. The Dave he knew had come to terms with his father's death years ago, while this Dave doesn't even remember what happened.
"I'm back," Kurt says. "Doctor Yancy says you can go home in a few days. That's good news, right?"
"Yeah."
"Eh, about my husband."
"Look, I don't need to know. Obviously, we're good friends here, but I'm still at the point I was ten years ago. I don't know if you remember, but I was in love with you back then."
"Oh, I remember, David, and I think you need to know."
"I don't know if I can handle being hurt right now," Dave whispers.
"David, this won't hurt you. I didn't marry Blaine, or some guy I met in the last ten years. I married my best friend."
"I thought I was your best friend." Dave sounds confused again.
"You are."
"But..."
"David, I love you." Kurt grabs Dave's hand for support. "I know this is a lot to handle, but you need to know. I love you more than anyone else on this planet. You're my best friend and so much more." Dave is crying now, but Kurt doesn't stop. "You're my soulmate. I nearly lost you, David, and I finally have you back. I'm not letting you go again."
"You love me?" Dave asks, his voice small.
"Yes," Kurt answers. "I'll never stop loving you, even if you can't remember that I love you. I'll tell you everyday to remind you."
"This is a lot to handle."
"I know. I'm sorry, I wish I could make this any easier on you."
"I... I really married the guy I've been in love with for as long as I can remember?"
"Yes." Kurt laughs; he remembers Dave telling him how long he'd harboured feelings for Kurt before he confessed. "You finally got me."
"Can you tell me about us?"
"Of course. It's my favorite story to tell." Kurt can't stop smiling. This man might not be his 28 year old husband but he still loves him. "I broke up with Blaine after... a few weeks after Valentine's." Kurt doesn't want to tell Dave about the events that jump-started their friendship, Dave's absolute lowest point. He's not sure Dave could handle that. "We became really good friends. We both went to NYU that fall and we shared a room. We were always very touchy-feely; our friends and families were placing bets on when we'd get together. There was always this unspoken promise of someday, when we were both ready, someday we'd start dating. When we were twenty, we were at this party; you had a bit too much to drink, and you kissed me. That's when we started dating. We couldn't pretend we weren't madly in love anymore. It fell into place so easily.
"When your father was diagnosed, he told us that he'd always wanted to see us get married. We weren't planning on getting married for a couple of years, but I knew how important it was for you that your dad was there, so I proposed.
"We got married on Valentine's day, the anniversary of when you confessed to me. I'll show you pictures later. It was beautiful."
"Why can't I remember it?" Dave said through is tears. "My dreams came true and I can't even remember it."
"Hey, please don't cry or I'll start crying as well, and we'll never be able to stop. You'll remember. I promise you will."
"What if I never will?"
"We'll make new memories.
"But..."
"No. No buts," Kurt interrupts. "Twelve hours ago I was thinking about what a life without you would be like. Now you're sitting up and talking to me. I really don't care about your memories right now; I'm just so happy you're alive."
"Me too."
"I really want to hug you. Is that okay?" Kurt asks.
"Of course it is."
Kurt climbs on the bed with Dave. This will be the first time he'll touch more than his husband's hand in two months. It takes all of his self-control not to cling to Dave like there's no tomorrow, shower him in kisses and never let go. But this Dave isn't even his friend yet; this Dave hardly knows him. He needs to take things slow. "I'm probably going to cry soon, don't be alarmed," Kurt warns Dave. It feels natural, curling up to Dave; he's done it so often. Something's off, though. Dave doesn't quite know what to do with his hands. "I love you," Kurt whispers into Dave's chest.
"Why do you love me?" Dave asks. "The last time I spoke to you..."
"I didn't know you back then. Once I got to know you it was impossible not to love you. You're kind, funny and smart, and let's not forget incredibly handsome."
"Handsome?"
"Yes, and sexy." Kurt grins into Dave's chest. He remembers how insecure Dave used to be about his body; he used to be the same. "You might not see it, but I do."
Dave relaxes after a few minutes of cuddling. Kurt hasn't felt this safe in months. They're rudely interrupted by Kurt's cell phone.
"I should get that." Kurt reluctantly gets up from Dave's embrace. "It's my dad," Kurt says before answering the phone. "Hey."
"Hey, kiddo, I just got your message. How's Dave?"
"He's doing great. The doctor says he'll be able to come home in a few days." Kurt gets settled on the chair again. He misses Dave's warmth.
"And his memory?"
"It will probably return," Kurt answers.
"Do you want me to fly out there?" Burt asks.
"Not just yet. Dave doesn't really know you; I think it would be best if he got settled first." Kurt wants his father to visit; he wants some help with dealing with Dave's memory loss. He also needs to consider Dave. Dave doesn't know Burt as anything other than the guy who dislikes him for hurting his son.
"If you want your dad here, you can invite him," Dave says.
"I..." Kurt tries to argue with Dave, but his father interrupts him.
"Did I just hear Dave?" Burt asks.
"Yeah, he's here."
"Kid, I understand that you want to do what's best for Dave, but you have to think about yourself as well. Do you want me to be there for you?"
"Yes. Please come, dad," Kurt answers.
"I'll be there in a day or two. I'll leave you alone for now and let you spend some time with Dave. Tell him I'm glad he's going to be okay."
"Thank you, dad, I love you."
"Love you too."
Kurt sighs deeply. He tries so hard not to think too much about anything long-term, instead focusing on the fact that Dave's alive, but it's hard. He doesn't know what's going to happen when he takes Dave home. He doesn't know when Dave will remember everything, or even if he will. It's a lot, and Kurt knows that once he starts thinking about it he'll break and that's the last thing he needs to do.
"Are you okay?" Dave asks hesitantly.
"Yeah." Kurt clears his head and focuses on Dave. "My dad said he's glad you're going to be okay. And he'll come over in a day or two."
"Cool."
"David, I… God, I don't even know what I want to say. It's so hard to believe this is really happening." Kurt grabs David's hand again, like he has done so many times these past two months. There is one difference, though; Dave squeezes back.
"I get it. There are so many things I want to ask you, but I don't know where to start," Dave admits. "I don't even know what I do for a living."
"You're a writer," Kurt explains. "You used to be a sports agent, like you told me you wanted to be in high school. You got a job offer after college in Cleveland and we moved here. You felt guilty about taking me out of New York, but I didn't mind in the slightest. I love New York, but I couldn't imagine living there for the rest of our lives. I fell for Cleveland immediately.
"You didn't tell me you wrote until after we moved here. I asked if I could read your work and you reluctantly agreed. You were good; you still are. You told me you really wanted to be a writer when you were in your teens, but you didn't think you were good enough, so you went with your second choice. I pushed you to try and get published and it worked. You just published your fifth book.
"You quit your job as a sports agent after the second book to focus on writing. You changed our basement into your own personal library."
Dave looks happier and happier, the more Kurt tells him.
"You're becoming quite famous, actually. You have fans. You are loved by a lot of people."
These words bring actual tears to Dave's eyes. Kurt can't imagine what it must be like for Dave to hear this. The eighteen-year-old Dave barely has any friends, and now there are complete strangers that love him for his books. It must be so overwhelming.
"You are so talented, David. I am so proud to be your husband.
"I always imagined that I would grow up to be some big star and I'd have a beautiful partner to walk with me down the red carpet. That used to be my dream. Now I'm the husband who can brag to his friends about his talented husband and I love it."
"You're not a star?" Dave asks.
"No." Kurt chuckles. "You probably won't believe me when I tell you what I do, but I'll tell you anyway. I teach preschool."
Dave can't suppress his laughter. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh," Dave apologizes.
"It's okay. You laughed when I told you I wanted to be a teacher the first time, so I wasn't expecting this time to be different."
"It's really hard to imagine you as a teacher," Dave admits through his laughter.
"It's certainly not what I ever envisioned for myself. I was a music major at NYU. One of our neighbors was a teacher and I gave a music lesson to her class for a project. I immediately fell in love with teaching. You laughed at me when I told you, just like you are now. You said that you couldn't imagine what I'd do if one of the kids spilled paint on my clothes. Luckily, I'm very stubborn and I went ahead with it anyway.
"I love my job and I love my kids. It's amazing. Plus, I get long vacations so I can travel with my gorgeous husband."
Dave flushes at the compliment.
"We're the couple people are jealous of." Kurt's bragging now, but he couldn't care less. He wants Dave to know how wonderful their life together is, how happy he is, how happy they both are. "We don't have children, and we don't want them. Don't bother objecting; I know you still think you want children, but trust me, you don't." Kurt says before Dave even has a chance to open his mouth. "Rachel and Finn had a daughter in college; we used to babysit for them a lot and we hated it. It was alright to have her over for an hour or two, but if we had her any longer we both went insane. We made a pact to never have kids, and we still think the same thing."
"But, you teach preschool," Dave interjects.
"Yes, I do. I love spending time with those kids and teaching them things, but I cannot imagine having a kid 24/7," Kurt explains.
"I really make you happy?" Dave asks like he can't believe it.
"You make me the happiest man in the world." Kurt is crying as well now.
"Kurt…"
"Listen, I remember you at eighteen so well. I know how you feel about yourself and I need you to know that you're amazing. I want to tell you what happened after Valentine's Day, but I'm not completely sure I should. It isn't a happy story. I think you deserve to know, but it's your decision. It's okay if you'd rather wait."
"I want to know. I've loved hearing all these stories about me and us, and I know it hasn't all been good. I want to know everything. I know you can't tell me every little thing that happened, but I want to know the most important things that happened in my life. If it's too much, I'll tell you to stop, okay?"
"Sure. And if you have any question, just ask. I want to tell you as much as I can," Kurt says. "So, Valentine's Day, that was intense. You were the first guy who ever went through that much trouble to give me a happy Valentine's Day. But, like I told you, I was with Blaine at the time. And then there was that guy who saw us. He outed you at school. It was bad, really bad. You called me and I didn't answer. I regret not answering any of your calls to this day.
"You told your parents because you had to. Your dad accepted you, but your mom…" Kurt takes a deep breath before continuing. "She didn't accept you. Things at school were really bad and you tried to… you tried to kill yourself." Kurt isn't looking at Dave now, he can't tell this story while looking at Dave. "Your dad found you just in time.
"I came to visit you in the hospital; that's when our friendship started. I came to your house every Sunday after that. I didn't want you to be alone, and you were surprisingly easy to be around. Plus, you had an amazing DVD collection." Kurt is pleased to get a little chuckle out of Dave at that. "We used to curl up on your bed and watch movies together. When I broke up with Blaine you bought me ice cream and offered to watch 'crappy chick flicks' with me. I told you I'd rather watch something a bit more violent. We decided on Jurassic Park because one of those guys looks a lot like one of Rachel's dads, and we shared the ice cream. That was also the day you told me you got into NYU, and we decided to become roommates, because there was no way in hell I was going to live in the same space as Finn and Rachel while they were trying to not let their marriage crash and burn."
"Did they get married right out of high school or something?" Dave asks.
"No, they got married in high school. I don't know how they did it, but they managed to make it work. They're still married with 2 kids, Barbra and Natasha. Let me warn you; those girls are spoiled brats. We're their uncles, so we're supposed to love them, but they are impossible to be around for any substantial amount of time."
"I kind of figured they would be, since Rachel is their mom."
"Yeah, they definitely take after her." Kurt glances up and is surprised to see Dave is smiling a bit. "Are you okay?"
"Well, I've been better. I knew my mom wouldn't be okay with me being gay. It's still not nice to hear, but I was expecting it. None of it is really a surprise. I'm glad you were there for me afterwards."
"I'm really sorry I didn't answer your calls. I was so confused at the time. I didn't know if I wanted to continue with Blaine or go out with you. I didn't know you'd been outed or I would have answered, hell, I would have called you myself to give you support."
"Hey, I'm not mad. Right now I can't remember what happened, but I'm sure that if I did remember I wouldn't be mad either."
"I know, you've been telling me for years. I'm still sorry."
"Let's change the subject," Dave said. "Eh... I don't really know what to ask. Doctor Yancy said it might be a good idea to look at photos."
"Oh! I brought an album. I completely forgot." Kurt retrieves his abandoned bag and pulls out a photo album. "I made this when we attended NYU." Kurt tried to move his chair so he could look at the album with Dave. "What's the best way to do this?"
"You could get on the bed with me?" Dave suggested.
"If you don't mind."
"I don't."
"Good!" Kurt abandoned his chair immediately and climbed on the bed. "Put your arm around me, it'll make it easier." Kurt settles against Dave's chest easily. He opens the book to the first page and begins telling Dave the stories behind the pictures. Dave listens intently, asks a few questions and laughs with Kurt when he tells the story of the spoon incident. The longer Kurt keeps talking, the more Dave relaxes. When Dave lets out a yawn, Kurt closes the book.
"You should get some rest. It's been a long day for you."
"I've been sleeping for two months. And it's not even close to night yet," Dave complains.
"You need your rest. And I should go by the school and make some arrangements for the coming weeks." Kurt gracefully slips out of Dave's grasp and leaves the bed.
"No, you were warm. Now I'm cold." Dave pouts.
"Aw, you're so cute." Kurt bends down to place a small kiss on Dave's forehead. "I should really do the responsible thing here and go. Is it okay if I come back tonight?"
"Yes," Dave answers, already slowly falling asleep. He must be even more tired than Kurt suspected.
"I'll see you later." Kurt leaves the photo album on Dave's nightstand, grabs his bag and exits the room.