Michael Collins and the Magic Coin Chapter 10 Part 2, a monster girl encyclopedia fanfic

ATTENTION READER!

This is PART 2 of a TWO PART chapter. It has been broken up for your viewing pleasure. If you are reading this without having read Part 1, STOP! You WILL be confused! Otherwise, ENJOY! :D

...

~One Extended Snu Snu Later~

...

*Pant

Michael's arm appeared from under the table, and he tried to crawl to safety. Sherry grabbed him and yanked him back. The table began shaking again.

...

~Another Extended Snu Snu Later~

...

*Smooch!

"You're just... too much." Michael panted.

"You last longer than you used to." Sherry panted.

"I have to. You're insatiable." Michael panted.

They dragged themselves out of under the table, and looked at each other in the light. They were quite the disheveled mess, which induced a few small chuckles.

"Hey, how are you feeling? Are you sleepy?" Sherry asked.

"Not really. I'm good. Why?" Michael asked.

"Well... I just had the thought that maybe we should go partake in the city. You've not had the chance yet." Sherry suggested.

"But we've already been all over the city." Michael said, confused.

"During the day, when everything's dead. What about at night when the city wakes up?" Sherry asked.

"I've been in the city at night, and it's just like back in Arizona." Michael said.

"Except you were out at night during an invasion. Come now, quit trying to worm out of it! Let's go!" Sherry cheered excitedly.

And with that, Sherry hauled Michael out of the house by his wrist... while leaving Michael's uneaten dinner on the table to be cold and forgotten. As soon as they disappeared, the ghost maid snuck in and took a small taste of the cake.

"De bon gout (tasty)!" The maid exclaimed.

...

"Wait... I'm a ghost. How am I eating?" The ghost maid wondered.

...

~Meanwhile~

...

When Michael and Sherry went outside, they were immediately taken with the sheer number of people wandering around.

"Whoa... what the heck is going on? It wasn't like this when I walked home." Michael said.

"Yes, but that was a while ago. It's later now, and everyone came outside. This is just a normal night in Lescatie." Sherry said.

So Sherry once again dragged Michael along by the wrist, walking the streets and taking in the sights.

"Hey hey, be nice. I'll walk with you if you quit trying to break my wrist!" Michael said.

"Oh, sorry sweetie! I'm just very excited. I've been wanting to do this with you for some time now." Sherry said energetically.

So they walked together down the nighttime streets of Lescatie. As they walked, Michael got to see a lot of detail of what was going on in the city. Almost immediately, Michael was taken aback by the sheer number of red lanterns filling the street.

"Sherry?" Michael asked.

"Yes sweetie?" Sherry replied.

"I know this might be an odd question, but humor me. On Earth, red lights have a special meaning in some parts of town. Do they mean anything here?" Michael asked.

"Of course. The houses and businesses that have red lights deal in prostitution." Sherry explained.

"Ah, alright." Michael said calmly.

He slowly scanned around his immediate area. At least ninety percent of the buildings or houses had red lights on them.

"So... how much of the city..." Michael started to ask.

"All of it." Sherry interrupted.

She turned and shot him a devilish grin.

"The entire city is one big red light district. And around here, customers don't come to us. We hunt down the customers." Sherry said, grinning.

And as she said that, Michael looked again at the people in the streets. There was a prostitute on every corner, at every doorway, and in the windows of most businesses. All of them, every last one, were staring straight towards Michael with lustful gazes. A few of them looked about ready to dash across the street and give him a big wet kiss.

"So this is what the wandering scholar meant when he warned about 'Permanent Pelvic Entanglement'. To think, I was walking around on my own without a clue." Michael thought.

Sherry's eyes shot up towards Michael.

"You're thinking something naughty, aren't you?" Sherry asked knowingly.

"It's hard not to when you're standing in the middle of a city sized red light district." Michael said.

"Want to try one?" Sherry asked.

"What?!" Michael exclaimed, shocked.

"It's for a good cause. There are a lot of starving monster girls in the world. What's wrong with a married woman letting her husband get a rub and tug, if it means someone might live a little longer?" Sherry suggested.

As soon as she said that, the watching predators all swooped in. As far as they were concerned, Sherry had just given the go ahead to have their way with Michael. Each one had a bag of coins in their hands.

"Oh, I forgot to mention. You don't pay us, we pay you." Sherry added.

The 'prostitutes' all crowded around Michael, offering him bags of gold. They opened the bags, showing him the large gold coins inside.

"Gees! That's a lot of money! Just ONE of those coins is worth well over a thousand dollars!" Michael thought.

"I challenge any man to be poor and homeless in this city!" Sherry shot.

Michael winced from her epic burn.

"Go ahead sweetie. It's alright. Like I said, it's for a good cause." Sherry encouraged.

She winked, and turned towards the women crowding around him.

"His cock is absolutely fantastic, and I'm not saying that because he's my husband." Sherry said.

Michael tugged on his collar.

"I'm all worn out. Another time ladies." Michael evaded nervously.

"Aww but sweetie, it's been at least twenty minutes since you last came. You should be ready to go already." Sherry insisted.

That seemed to fire up the crowd of women even more. They started murmuring something about 'freshness'. They crowded in from all directions, whispering seductive words and pulling their blouses down.

"Pick me! No, pick me! Pick me!" The crowd pleaded.

They squeezed in even closer, like a tidal wave of women crashing down on him. He was surrounded by huge bouncing titties, with erect nipples on full display. Squeezing in closer and closer, he wound up with two different women's tits pressed up against his face.

"Ladies LADIES! Calm down! I appreciate your offers, but I'm going to have to decline!" Michael said nicely.

"Aren't we pretty enough?" The crowd asked.

"I think you're all lovely. That doesn't change the fact that I'm married, and I am only interested in my wife." Michael said.

Giving up, they went back to their previous spots, where they waited for the next man to come along. Michael turned towards Sherry.

"And as for you..." Michael started.

"It was all a joke sweetie." Sherry lied.

"It... was?" Michael asked.

"Mmm Hmm! I'm surprised you said no though. Very surprised." Sherry said.

"Of course I said no. I love you." Michael insisted.

"I love you too sweetie. More than you could comprehend. Oh! Look! There's a shop selling candies! Let's go!" Sherry cheered.

And just like that, she was off like a shot. Michael was soon taken up in a whirlwind of tasting every last piece of candy, every pastry, every kebab, and every wine or cheese sampler in Lescatie. He never did get the chance to call her out on leading those prostitutes around in some sort of sick game.

...

~Later~

...

As they walked the streets of Lescatie, they saw all sorts of fun and exciting things. There were street performers using magic to create beautiful visual fireworks, musicians, story tellers, and all sorts of high fantasy chicks wandering around in bikini armor. It was all fun, even the occasional ass grab Michael got. As they wandered around looking at all the Mardi Gras style chaos, they ended up wandering past the workshop section of the city. There were jewelry crafts, iron workers, scented candle makers, leather workers, tailors, bowyers, armor smiths, and even blade smiths. Sherry was particularly interested in the latter.

"Is this where you're going to have your sword made?" Michael asked.

"Possibly. I haven't made up my mind yet. It's a big decision, because a demon realm silver blade is very expensive. Especially with the number of enchantments I plan on putting on it." Sherry said.

She looked over an array of pre made swords on a table. There were short defensive swords, long rapiers, great big two-handed claymores, elegant arming swords, long swords, and even some heavy cavalry swords. It was all strictly western European style blades, with nothing representing Asian or eastern Europe styles.

"Makes sense... Lescatie is supposed to be like medieval France." Michael thought.

"May I?" Sherry asked the seller, gesturing towards the swords.

"By all means Knight Searraigh." The seller said.

"You know my name!" Sherry exclaimed, surprised.

"Of course Knight. We all know who you are. You brought us Lord Collins. We owe you a great debt." The seller said, smiling.

She flicked her eyes towards Michael, and bowed slightly.

"If there is anything your heart desires, I will give it to you free of charge." The seller said.

"Oh no, you don't have to do that." Michael said instantly.

"It would be my pleasure sire. Although I don't think my blades will quite match the strange and fantastic weapons you brought from the new world, you might find owning one to be amusing." The seller said humbly.

"Well uh..." Michael stammered.

Sherry chuckled and gave him a friendly bump on the shoulder. Reaching down, she carefully hefted one of the swords on display. She carefully swung it a few times.

"Hmm... no. This one is too wide." Sherry said.

She picked up another, and repeated the process. And again, and again, and again. Several swords were tested, and none of them were what she wanted.

"These are all obviously very high quality blades. You should be proud of your work." Sherry noted.

"Thank you knight, I am." The seller said.

"Unfortunately, none of them fit me. I will likely have to get one made custom." Sherry said.

"I would be happy to do that for you knight. Please, let me know whenever you're ready to begin." The seller said.

As Michael's eyes raked over the blades, he noticed some were a different tint of metal than the others.

"Why are these ones different from these other ones?" Michael asked.

"Those ones are demon realm silver, and these ones are steel." Sherry explained.

"What?! Steel?! I didn't think you gals used the stuff!" Michael exclaimed, surprised.

"A demon realm silver sword costs an entire year's wages for a dark knight. Most inma can't stand the thought of hurting a man with steel, but that's more money than most have laying around. So we end up taking out loans to pay for them." Sherry explained.

"Wow, so it's like buying a car or a house. Damn." Michael said.

"Exactly. In fact, many houses can be had for less money. Anyways... we use the steel for practice." Sherry said.

"What? That doesn't make any sense. Practice swords are made out of wood." Michael said.

Sherry scoffed.

"Let me show you." Sherry said.

So she lead Michael around behind the weapon smith's shop, where a field had been cleared out. As they entered the area, they passed over a strange glowing ring of stones built into the ground. In the middle of the field were two dark knights sparring.

*CLANG

*CLACK

*TIIIING

*WLACKGBANG!

They went at each other with furious anger, their blades stabbing and parrying each other with the finesse of masters.

"Those blades they have... are steel. We train with steel because we can't afford to destroy our demon realm silver blades. We can't train with wood either, because it doesn't provide for the correct weight or feel of the blade." Sherry explained.

"But won't they cut each other to pieces?" Michael asked, worried.

"No. Watch." Sherry said.

*CLANG

*STAB

*BLOCK

*PARRY

*CLANGCLANGCLANG

*Shiiiink!

...

*Gurgle

One of the two dark knights collapsed to the ground, a blade stabbed through her chest. The other dark knight raised her hand and snapped her fingers.

*WHOOSH!

Suddenly a flash of crimson filled the sparring area. Michael and Sherry were deposited back at the entrance while the two swordswomen were deposited facing each other in the center of the ring. Both... unharmed swordswomen.

"See? Everything is just fine. The stream of time has been altered here to allow anyone to revert it back to the way it was at a certain chosen place. In this case, before the match started. Our bodies are as they were, but our minds remain the same so as to retain the knowledge. It only works for people though. Our gear gets rather badly damaged, as do our clothes." Sherry explained.

"Brilliant. Gruesome, but brilliant. I had no idea inma could be that harsh." Michael said.

"It's not a matter of being harsh, it's a matter of survival. The Order uses these methods to train their knights. If we were to train by safer means, then we would be at a disadvantage. Especially when the Order outnumbers us a hundred to one." Sherry explained.

As Sherry finished her explanation, the two dark knights came over and presented themselves to Michael.

"Lord Collins, you honor us with your presence." The dark knights said, bowing.

"Getting some sparring practice in huh? Who's winning so far?" Michael asked.

"I am sire. This is my younger sister, she has much to learn." The dark knight said.

The younger of the two bowed a little lower, out of respect.

"And who's been teaching her? Just you?" Michael asked.

"Yes sire." The dark knight said.

Michael nodded his head. Turning to Sherry, he whispered a question in her ear.

"Yes sweetie. One hundred percent safe. I promise." Sherry said.

"Okay. Let's see what this girl can do." Michael said.

...

So a few moments later, Michael found himself standing face to face with the younger of the two dark knights. She had her sword at the ready, facing off against him and a longsword he had borrowed. To say she was nervous was an understatement.

"Don't worry girly, I'm not going to shoot you like I did those Order knights. This is a melee fight." Michael said.

"Yes sire. But... is this appropriate? To take up arms against you seems wrong." The young dark knight said.

"And fighting your sister is okay? I'll put it this way... if you don't fight me with everything you have, I'm going to kick your ass clean across this city. Capisce?" Michael asked.

"As you command sire." The young dark knight said.

"The reset spell is set! Let the battle commence!" Sherry called.

The young dark knight took a stance, facing against Michael's blade. She observed his stance for a while, and decided that Michael wasn't much of a sword fighter. So she raised her blade and came at him with everything she had.

*SHINK!

*Gurgle

...

Michael raise his hand over his defeated foe, and snapped his fingers. Everything reset with a WHOOSH, and he found himself facing his opponent again. Michael had simply out maneuvered her with an attack she had never encountered before. No trickery, just no experience on her part. She was very skilled at fighting... but only against one specific opponent.

"What was that? You let him stab you so easily!" The dark knight shouted.

"I'm sorry sister! I'll do better!" The young dark knight called.

So she raised her blade again, and faced off against Michael with more caution.

"Just for the record, if this were real... you'd be dead right now." Michael said calmly.

"Yes sire. I know." The young dark knight said.

"You're too used to fighting your sister. Find more varied opponents!" Michael said gruffly, raising his blade.

"Begin!" Sherry shouted.

The young dark knight came at him, holding her blade in such a way that allowed her to block nearly any attack while offering her a good opportunity to slash at him. He didn't even bother raising his blade right away to counter her maneuver.

"HEY!" Michael shouted.

His voice boomed like a drill sergeant, making the poor startled girl skid to a stop.

*SLASH

*Gurgle

...

Michael snapped his fingers once again, resetting the battlefield.

"You're likely going to be in a very loud and violent place. You will get yelled at, and things will startle you. Fight through it!" Michael instructed.

"Yes sire!" The young dark knight said, wincing in embarrassment.

"Ready? Begin!" Sherry shouted.

As the two fighters went at each other, Sherry watched with cool calculating eyes. The wheels in her head were beginning to turn.

...

The young dark knight went at Michael with a flurry of blows and a righteous fury. Michael countered her attack by simply rushing her and taking her by surprise. He got cut, but she completely lost the initiative. Before long, she was retreating while receiving several fatal blows.

*SNAP

The battle reset, putting them face to face once again.

"Don't fear getting hurt! The enemy expects you to run or try to shield yourself! If you just accept that you will get cut, then you can get in there and stab the bastard back!" Michael instructed.

"Yes sire! Thank you!" The young dark knight exclaimed.

Michael raised his blade to the salute position, and then let it rest at his side.

"Okay lady, that's enough for tonight. Go thrash on your sister for a while. I've given you my two cents." Michael said.

"Yes sire. Thank you for your lessons. I learned much." The young dark knight said.

She turned and rejoined her sister, who was hefting another sword of her own.

"Not so fast. You beat up on my sister, but I bet you couldn't take me. Your fight was not honorable!" The dark knight said.

"Yeah? Alright. Sherry, pass me my M14. And the bayonet please." Michael said.

"Wait a minute... sweetie! You're not going to..." Sherry tried to argue.

"Just give me the fracking rifle please." Michael shot.

Sherry produced the M14 as requested, and handed it to him. Then she turned towards the other dark knight.

"You believe you can best my husband because he's clearly not a good swordsman. You saw it just the same as I did." Sherry said.

"Of course. His blows were primitive and unskilled. He's obviously spent little time with a sword in his hand." The dark knight said.

"You're not even a swordsman? Now I feel like an even greater failure." The young dark knight said, dejected.

"Do not fear my dear sister. I don't care if he's Lord Collins, I'll make him pay for using such underhanded tricks." The dark knight said.

"You shall do no such thing. I wish to handle my husband's education regarding the sword. Your teaching skills are subpar at best." Sherry said flatly.

"Then I shall fight you in his stead." The dark knight said.

"So be it." Sherry said darkly.

"HEY! BUTT OUT OF THIS!" Michael exclaimed angrily.

"No. I insist." Sherry said firmly.

So a few moments later, Sherry and the dark knight had taken opposing positions on the sparring field.

"You know not what you trifle with. I have left entire armies crushed in my wake." Sherry warned.

"You speak big for a little succubus. Less talk, more walk." The dark knight said.

"Ready? FIGHT!" Michael boomed.

The dark knight raised her sword and advanced on Sherry. Her skill was clearly superior to her little sister, and she wasn't leaving any openings. Sherry held her sword at her side, waiting for her target to come closer. Once the dark knight got in range, Sherry raised her sword and swung horizontally towards the dark knight's torso. The dark knight responded by blocking to her left, which in a normal fight would have easily blocked the blow.

*ClangCRACK

*SHIIING

Sherry's sword smacked into the dark knight's sword, shattering it instantly. Her casual haphazard blow was so utterly powerful, it blew right through the dark knight's defense and sliced her body into two pieces. Her severed body plopped onto the ground in a pool of blood.

"I warned you." Sherry said flatly.

"Holy shit!" Michael mouthed.

Sherry raised her off hand, and snapped her fingers. The battlefield was reset, and once again she faced her opponent head on.

"You have been bested. Do you wish to continue experiencing death? I can introduce you to many different kinds." Sherry said darkly.

The dark knight raised her sword and saluted.

"I yield. You are clearly the stronger." The dark knight said.

And without a single further word, the dark knight retreated from the battlefield. She and her sister both left the arena entirely, and retreated down one of the streets. Just when Michael thought it was over, Sherry pointed her finger right at him.

"It's your turn! I challenge you!" Sherry cried.

"Oh come on!" Michael exclaimed.

"That's right sweetie. Come on. Come here~" Sherry sang.

"No! I don't want to do this, I'm not getting into a stabbing match with my own wife!" Michael shot.

He turned to leave, but she called out after him.

"Coward! I see a yellow streak running down your leg!" Sherry mocked.

...

Michael came to a dead stop. Sherry smirked, she knew she hit her mark. There were a lot of things a person might say to Michael, and he'd let it slide. But there were two things that old fashioned cowboy couldn't take. Number one... being called a liar. Number two... being called a coward. He turned to face her, and she could see his rage.

*ShickSHAAAACK!

He smartly pulled the charging handle on his the rifle clutched firmly in his hands, and with bayonet fixed, he took the standard US Army bayonet fighting stance. Sherry raised her sword and came at him like a charging horse, swinging her sword in a similar fashion as she did with the dark knight. If it were to connect, Michael would be cloven in two. Luckily Michael saw it coming soon enough so he could simply lean to the side and let the blade swing overhead. Sherry answered by taking another swing at him, which he quickly dodged.

"You have good footwork!" Sherry remarked.

*WHAM!

Michael answered her compliment by making her taste the metal buttplate of his M14. She recoiled, clutching her bleeding mouth.

"GOOD! A solid strike! I'm impress..." Sherry tried to say.

"RAAAAH!" Michael cried.

He stabbed at her with the bayonet, and she dodged. Coming from the side, she tried to land a blow against his exposed flank. But thanks to his U.S. Army style bayonet stance, he quickly pivoted around and fended her off by keeping the bayonet aimed at her throat.

"This battle has become serious! To the victor goes the spoils!" Sherry cried.

"Wait what?" Michael asked, skidding to a halt.

Sherry came at him like a bolt of lightning, and he barely had enough time to shout.

...

~A Few Minutes Later~

...

He found himself standing in front of a grand looking building that might have been a church at one time or another. Several people were heading in and out of the doors in a constant stream, indicating that the building was quite the popular place.

"So what's this punishment about?" Michael asked.

"Punishment? This isn't a punishment sweetie. I'm just going to make you do something that you wouldn't normally do, because you lost the sparring match." Sherry said, eyes glinting mischievously.

...

"Hmmp. Fine. But what is this place?" Michael asked.

"It's a church silly. Isn't that obvious?" Sherry giggled.

"Yeah but... since when do monster girls worship the chief god?" Michael asked.

All the humor on Sherry's face disappeared in a nanosecond.

"Take that back, this instant!" Sherry growled.

"No. Call me a coward will you? Damn chief god worshipper!" Michael shot.

They glared at each other angrily.

...

"I'll take back what I said if you take back what you said." Sherry said evenly.

"You first." Michael said.

"Fine. You are not a coward. I was lying." Sherry said.

"Damn right you were." Michael shot.

"Now you!" Sherry said.

"You don't worship the chief god." Michael said.

Her anger subsided greatly.

"Better. Now I don't want to hear you say that ever again." Sherry said.

"Back at you." Michael said.

...

"If you must know what this place is, this is no longer a church of the Order. They worship the fallen god here. I've gone inside a couple times, so I'm somewhat familiar with it." Sherry said.

"You? Going to church?" Michael asked in disbelief.

"Of course not! They were making such a racket, and my room was right up there!" Sherry exclaimed.

She pointed upwards towards the Lescatie mansion, which was right next door. Sure enough, one of the windows she was pointing at was the window to her old room.

"They were always down here singing and carrying on like a bunch of fools! Can't they fuck in silence? Even screaming during climax would be quiet in comparison!" Sherry shot.

Michael snickered.

"Sounds like the church of the fallen god has some firebrand reverends like some churches back home. Not that I was ever into that sort of thing." Michael thought.

...

"Anyways... where was I? Oh yes! We're not going to a sermon, that's for certain. As much as I dislike the word 'church', I cannot deny that this one offers valuable community service." Sherry said.

She took his hand and walked through the doors, and straight down a side hallway. Before long, they wound up in a small attached side room of the building. It was illuminated with several magical lanterns, and had at least a dozen people inside. A dozen female faces all turned straight towards Michael, and stared at him like he were some sort of prey animal.

"Guh!" Michael coughed.

"Oh my, we have a visitor to our little classroom. Everyone settle down, remember your manners!"

"Yes Mrs. Brunelle." The classroom said.

The woman named Mrs. Brunelle was a lovely Hakutaku with a mature aura about her. She was standing at the front of what seemed to be some sort of classroom full of adults. But that all seemed somewhat normal to a college student like Michael. What didn't seem normal... was the teaching materials lining the walls and on the desks of the students. First and foremost, there was a large poster right at the entrance which couldn't be avoided by anyone entering. It had the Fallen God's commandments written in elegant text. Such things were written as 'Thou shalt commit fornication' or 'Thou shalt always be lewd', that sort of theme. Just past the poster was rows and rows of body pillows, each one with a crude drawing of a man on it. It seemed that the students were supposed to pick up a body pillow on their way inside when first arriving to class. There were even more posters and tapestries around the room, each one showing something involving what a woman was supposed to do with a man. Every topic was covered, from kissing, to hugging, to holding hands. Then there was the wall filled with jars full of herbs, potion bottles, and apothecary equipment. The instructions for love potions adorned the wall above the ingredients.

"It's good to see you here again Searraigh." Mrs. Brunelle said.

"The pleasure is all mine. Have the girls been keeping up on their cooking lessons?" Sherry asked.

"Of course. Everyone is ready to fill their future husband's bellies with delicious food~" Mrs. Brunelle said.

"Excuse me... Mrs. Brunelle?" Michael asked.

"You may call me Emma." Emma said.

"Ah yes uh... well... what is this place exactly?" Michael asked.

"I'm sure you've already figured it out, but this is a place where ladies go to learn how to interact with men. We're all women, so many don't know how to act around men." Emma said.

Michael nodded to himself... all while wincing internally.

"Yep. That's what I thought. I'm in another strange place again." Michael thought.

"I brought my husband so he could help with the class." Sherry said.

The students eyes lit up with envy at the word 'husband'.

"We've tried that before, and it ended in disaster. Why should he help us?" Emma asked.

"Because he's completely unlike the typical Order man who gets brought here. He's helping me turn his whole country into a demon realm. Isn't that wonderful?" Sherry asked.

"That sure sounds nice. And he's completely agreeable?" Emma asked.

"Completely. He loves our kind. So much so, he called me to him." Sherry explained.

"OOOOoooooooohhhh!" The students swooned.

"Well now! I don't think any sane mamono could say no to that! Welcome to our classroom Mr. Boyfriend. I hope you take good care of us~" Emma said sweetly.

...

So the next thing Michael knew, he was acting as the main practice material for the classroom. First... they opened with questions.

"Mr. Boyfriend? Why are you so comfortable with monster girls?"

"Well that's pretty simple. I understand you. Sure there's a few things that take me by surprise every so often, but they're not really specific to inma. Understanding breeds familiarity, which breeds comfort." Michael explained.

"Mr. Boyfriend? Why do men sit with their legs open?"

"We sit with our legs open because it's more comfortable. We've got more stuff between our legs than you do. So we have to make room."

"Mr. Boyfriend? Why don't men have emotions like women do?"

"Where'd you get that silly idea?" Michael asked.

"I've never seen a man cry, even when everyone else is bawling their eyes out."

"Well... I don't know what to tell you. Men cry too." Michael said.

"REALLY?!" The whole class asked.

"Sure! We're just told by society that we're not supposed to cry. Don't you think that's kind of sad? We're all full of these feelings, and have nobody to share them with." Michael said.

Sherry's eyes twinkled from moisture, as did everyone else in the classroom. There was an extended moment of silence before the next question came.

"Mister Boyfriend... why don't men wear nice clothes?"

"Because men are very practical. What purpose do fancy clothes serve?" Michael said.

"They look nice."

"And they're expensive. We're hard on our clothes." Michael answered.

...

Many more similar questioned followed, and Michael tried to answer them as best he could. Such questions as 'Why do men prefer trousers vs skirts' and 'Why do men keep their hair short' and 'Why do men not appreciate art like women'.

...

After the question period, Michael found himself serving the role of potential boyfriend. Each girl was tasked with talking to Michael individually, and Michael would rate their performance at the end.

"Alright, here's the scenario. You have encountered this man in a village that is neither pro or anti inma. As far as you can tell, a few inma live in the village, but it is predominantly human. You like this man, and you want to have him for your own. What do you do?" Emma asked.

The first woman to volunteer slid out of her desk. She was a pretty little wererabbit, and she hopped slowly up to Michael.

"Hey there! What's your name?" The wererabbit asked.

"Michael. What's yours?" Michael asked.

"Lizzie! Are you a traveler from out of the village?" Lizzie asked.

"Nope. I've lived here all my life." Michael said smoothly.

"Goodie! Then you can show me which way to the tavern! I'll buy us both drinks for your effort~" Lizzie offered.

"Hmm... sure, why not? I'm not in any hurry. I'll introduce you to my friends down at the pub." Michael said, smiling.

...

Emma clapped her hands together.

"Good job Lizzie! You've been paying attention to your studies!" Emma exclaimed cheerfully.

"Thank you Mrs. Brunelle." Lizzie said.

She sat back down at her desk. Just before Michael turned away, he noticed much to his amusement... that Lizzie had a restless foot.

"That figures... for a bunny." Michael thought.

...

The next one to get up out of her desk was what one might consider a modestly dressed succubus. She was still showing plenty of T and A, but it was severely cut back from the usual succubii walking around the city. It lulled Michael into a false sense of security, thinking that maybe she was a little less forward. He was in for a surprise.

"Alright, you may begin." Emma said.

She immediately walked up to Michael, grabbed him, and kissed him as hard as she could.

*Pwah~

"Hey, let's go in the alley and fuck." The succubus breathed sensually into his ear.

"Who the heck are you?" Michael blurted, red faced.

"Jill. And you're Michael. I've had my eye on you for a while now~" Jill purred.

"That's just creepy!" Michael exclaimed.

He pushed her away, but she kept right on it.

"You're too close!" Michael blurted.

"Am I? How else are you supposed to feel how soft my breasts are, or how hot I am... ~down~ ... ~here~" Jill said huskily.

*DOINK

A ruler bounced off Jill's head, right between the horns.

"Oowie!" Jill pouted.

"Failed. He doesn't like it. You were way too pushy." Emma said flatly.

"Fuuuuuu..." Jill sobbed.

She slunk back to her desk to sulk.

"Mr. Collins, would you care to tell the class what went wrong here?" Emma asked.

"Sure. First off, the way she came right at me without saying anything could be interpreted wrong. I could have easily interpreted that as a hostile attack, and thought my life was in danger. If I were someone who didn't know much about inma, it would be an easy mistake to make." Michael explained.

The class leaned forward in interest.

"Compare that to Lizzie over there, who opened with friendly tone of voice and body language. She made it clear she had no hostile intentions, which really helps calm the situation down. If it had been any other man, what Jill did might have ended in blows." Michael said.

A hand raised in the back of the classroom. Michael pointed at her so she could ask her question.

"So men really do pay attention to body language?!" The student asked.

"We recognize a lot of body language signs. For another example, let's take miss arachne over there. She's bored out of her skull." Michael observed.

The classroom giggled. The arachne that he had singled out answered his comment.

"Of course I'm bored. That silly succubus ruined a perfectly good opportunity to grab you and screw you in that alley." The arachne said.

"That's kidnapping and rape. Humans look poorly on that. The scenario is of a neutral village. Do you suppose they would stay neutral after something like that happened to one of their own?" Emma asked.

"Who cares? We can just conquer the village and make them obey. We can work past the human's problems in the bedroom, by fucking it out of them." The arachne insisted.

She rose up from the table she had been resting at, and quietly went for the door.

"Well! My goodness! I'm sorry about that Michael." Emma said.

"It's just fine. Anyways... where were we? Oh yeah. So I mentioned the first part about the body language, but then there's the second issue regarding that encounter. Men have something called a Personal Bubble, and we don't like people getting inside that bubble." Michael explained.

He turned towards Emma, and held out his hand.

"Hey, I'm Michael. Nice to meet you." Michael said cheerfully.

They shook hands. Once it was over, he turned back towards the classroom.

"What you just witnessed... I'm sure some of you have seen it before. It's called shaking hands." Michael explained.

He held up his arm and gestured to the length.

"It keeps the person at this distance, outside our bubble. Women like to hug and kiss each other in greeting, but that puts you inside our bubble." Michael explained.

A hand raised.

"But why do you have this bubble?" A student asked.

Because keeping you at arm's length means we can protect ourselves better if you're a threat." Michael explained.

"Why must everything be about threats?" The same student asked.

"Because that's just the way we are. We're born that way. Why does a bird tweet, and why does a fish swim in the sea? It's just the way they are. Our culture has built up around this instinctual defensive bubble." Michael explained.

"Well said Michael. Any other commentary on that encounter with Jill?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, and it's a major one. She wanted to jump straight into sex, but she failed to take into account that men need a little time to get into the mood. We're not ready to go at every minute of the day. And emotions play a major part in it." Michael noted.

He took a deep breath.

"So, would anyone else like to take a crack at the title?" Michael asked.

One of the students, a Demon, rose up from her seat. She walked up to the front of the classroom.

"You may begin." Emma said.

The demon formed a shy smile, and held out a rolled up piece of parchment at arm's length.

"This is for you sir." The demon said quietly.

After Michael took it, she retreated back to her desk. Both Emma and Michael furrowed their eyebrows, but he unrolled the parchment none the less. He began reading.

"Dear sir,

This letter might seem a bit forward. I've never seen you before today, but the first time I laid eyes on you I knew I was attracted to you. My heart began to pound as soon as my gaze beheld your manly and muscular body." Michael read aloud.

...

"Oh! I get it! This is a confession letter! Yeah, that's absolutely a valid way to approach someone. And you didn't say you were stalking me either, so that's a bonus. I'm not feeling creeped out or in danger, and the compliments are nice." Michael noted.

He continued to read the letter.

"I wish to get to know you better in the coming months. There is much we could offer each other. Just as soon as class is over..." Michael trailed off.

...

"Wait a minute, this is an ACTUAL confession letter!" Michael thought.

His eyes darted across the rest of the letter. She explained in great detail how she was going to get him to sign an infernal contract, right down to how she would imprint the pact brand on his lower stomach. She then detailed how she would be kind, and not too dominant in their new relationship. Then she added the recipe for some sort of pastry she was going to bake for him. Everything she wrote was detailed down to the exact time and date. He looked her right in the eyes.

"Fail. You failed to take into account that I'm married and not interested in you." Michael said flatly.

...

~Later~

...

Michael and Sherry found themselves back out on the street once again, walking amongst the various different stalls.

"Well that was certainly a unique experience." Michael said.

"Agreed! But a good one, if you ask me." Sherry said.

"I certainly learned something. It turns out, inma aren't so perfect after all." Michael said casually.

"EH!?" Sherry exclaimed.

"I mean, they have to go to school to learn how to act around men. If that doesn't hit home for me, I don't know what does. I've always had a hard time dealing with folks." Michael said, smiling.

Just then, Michael ran into someone out on the street.

*THUD

"Oof, hey watch where you're... OPAL!" Michael cheered.

"Quiet! Must you shout my name so loud?" Opal hushed.

"Aww, are you still worried about that? You shouldn't, it's a lovely name." Sherry said softly.

"Hmmp, I don't think it's cute at all." Opal grumbled.

She crossed her arms and formed a cute pout. Despite her being an adult, she really did act like a child sometimes. Which was befitting her small stature.

"Anyways, I heard you two got into quite the sparring match earlier." Opal said.

"You heard about that huh?" Michael asked.

"The whole city has heard of it. It's said that you actually managed to land a blow on the great Searraigh Fontaine." Opal said.

"Erh... well... yeah I did. But then she broke my bayonet with her sword." Michael hesitated.

"The bladesmith is making him a new one. I think it will be much higher quality than the old one." Sherry said.

...

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Michael asked.

"You... ACTUALLY landed a REAL BLOW against Searraigh!" Opal exclaimed, shocked.

"He actually hit me many times. At one point, he smashed my nose. It was quite painful, and it made it hard to breathe." Sherry said.

Opal's jaw hung open.

"HOW?!" Opal exclaimed.

"I overextended myself, and he made use of my openings. If he were a swordsman, and a real enemy, I would have certainly died. I wasn't taking him seriously." Sherry said.

"Ouch, that hurts." Michael muttered.

"Well... maybe he could become a swordsman." Opal suggested.

"That would be WONDERFUL! I could teach him everything I know!" Sherry said excitedly.

"I'm not that terribly interested." Michael said.

"Aww but... I think you would make a good one." Opal said.

"Yeah sweetie! You would be a fantastic swordsman!" Sherry insisted.

Michael hummed, not convinced.

"Hey... have you two heard the rumor of the sword in the stone here in Lescatie? Maybe if Michael can pull the sword from the stone, he'll become a super S class swordsman!" Opal said.

"Maybe! What is the legend behind this sword? Do you know it?" Sherry asked.

"Yes. It's said that only the mightiest of electronics technicians may remove it from it stone, but only if their first name starts with M and their last name starts with C." Opal said.

"Riiiiiiiight..." Michael said dryly.

"You little pest! You had us all excited over nothing!" Sherry exclaimed.

"It's not nothing. I told you there would be a real swell reward if you guessed my name. So... go get it! You'll find it right at the front doors of the Lescatie family mansion." Opal said.

"Why didn't you just hand it to me?" Michael asked.

"Because it's more fun this way." Opal chuckled.

"Alright, we'd better go get it before someone trips over it or something." Michael said.

"Oh I doubt anyone's going to trip over it, unless they're blind." Opal said.

...

Shortly later, they found themselves standing in front of the Lescatie family mansion. A large crowd of people had gathered around, and the trio had to work their way past them. Right at the center of the crowd was a stone pedestal, with a sword stabbed into the top. Alistair was hard at work trying to pull the sword out, with Crimson nearby cheering him on.

"Hey maple man! What are you doing?" Michael asked.

"I'm trying to become the next hero of time!" Alistair exclaimed, grunting with effort.

Sherry made a strange cough and sneeze sound.

"What is it with humans being so fascinated with becoming heroes? It's way too much work, and it's not fun at all." Sherry muttered.

Michael nodded, agreeing with her.

"Hey, if you pull it out, make the sound effect." Michael said.

"Right-o! Now let me just... pull a little harder..." Alistair said, grunting.

Michael readied his ocarina, preparing to play the Legend of Zelda theme if he managed to pull it out. Opal pulled on his shirt sleeve.

"That's your sword. Why are you letting him try to get it?" Opal asked quietly.

"It's all just to have fun. You wouldn't understand unless you knew us better." Michael answered quietly.

"But it's a waste of time. That sword will never come out for him. It'll only come out for you." Opal said quietly.

"Again, it's all in fun." Michael said quietly.

...

Alistair grunted and groaned, but he couldn't get that sword to come out no matter how hard he tried. Eventually he gave up.

"I can't get the bloody thing! Bollocks!" Alistair exclaimed.

"Alright maple man, it's my turn." Michael said.

He pocketed the ocarina, and went to stand on the pedestal. It was a lovely elegant longsword, with a wire wrapped grip and jewel in the pommel. It had a sweeping guard that looked delicate, but strong at the same time. Wrapping his hand around the grip, he started to pull.

*Schhht

*SHINK

*SCRAPE!

*pop!

"Dun dun Di DAAAAAAAAA!" Michael sang.

He raised the sword, pointing it skyward. Alistair cheered, and the crowd began clapping.

...

"Alright, that was fun. Here you go Sherry." Michael said suddenly.

He turned and casually handed her the sword, and wandered away from the pedestal.

"What?! That's it?!" Sherry exclaimed.

"Yeah. I have firearms. I don't need a sword." Michael said casually.

She raised the sword up to her eyes, inspecting the metal closely.

"That is an S class demon realm silver sword. I'm sure you'll put it to good use." Opal said.

"Where did it come from?" Sherry asked.

"I found it in my archives. Who knows when I got it, or where I got it from. But it's all yours now. I have little need for a sword that is taller than I am." Opal said.

"Wait, what? You put that sword there?" Alistair asked.

*CrackleWHOOSH!

Opal disappeared in a flash of crimson, giggling as she went.

"Well fuck." Alistair spat.

...

"Do you like that sword Sherry, or are we still on the lookout?" Michael asked.

"This one is perfect! It's as if it were made for me!" Sherry remarked.

"Then it's definitely yours, and I'm glad you finally have a sword again." Michael said, smiling.

Sherry gripped the sword tightly, and swung it several times experimentally. Each swing brought an even bigger smile to her face.

"YAH! HAH! YEEEEAAH!" Sherry cried.

*SWING

*SWISH

*WHOOOOOSH!

*STABSTABSTAB

*ZIIIING

Her eyes inspected the jeweled pommel repeatedly.

"I can put a LOT of enchantments on this blade, thanks to this jewel in the pommel. I can't wait until I visit the Royal Makai. I'm certain this blade will be just as powerful if not more than the one I wielded before, once the mages there spend time with it!" Sherry said confidentially.

...

"I need to get a scabbard now." Sherry muttered.

"Oh oh oh, I can make you one!" Michael cheered.

"Really? I could easily have one of the shops here in the city make one for me. Why bother yourself?" Sherry asked.

"Because I think it would be fun. That's why. Maybe I could make a super unique one." Michael said, smiling.

"Then I welcome your generous offer. I would love to have something you made for me." Sherry said, smiling warmly.

So with that, they walked away from the mansion... arm in arm. They let Alistair and Crimson go on their way as tourists, and they themselves continued their exploration of the city. Sherry simply put the sword in her pocket dimension for the time being, until she got a proper scabbard.

"Which would you prefer, a belt scabbard or slung over the back?" Michael asked.

"I actually prefer it to be slung over the back. The one that Mistress Druella and Maoyu Lilith loaned me was a belt type, and I didn't feel right about modifying it." Sherry explained.

"Alright." Michael said, nodding.

They walked a little further, passing some venders in the street selling sweet treats and hot skewers of demon realm boar.

"Do you know how to make a scabbard sweetie?" Sherry asked.

"Sure I do. It's pretty simple. It's just two carved pieces of wood in a clamshell shape, with an outer skin to wrap it and keep it all together. Simple." Michael said.

Sherry nodded.

"I'm sure you've used a lot of scabbards over the years. What was your biggest complaint?" Michael asked.

"The wood. If you get it wet, it swells up and makes drawing the blade or sheathing it much harder. Sometimes it gets wedged in there." Sherry said.

"Understood. Anything else?" Michael asked.

"Sometimes the wood was really noisy. I prefer to keep quiet when around potential enemies." Sherry said.

"Okay, I think I could come up with something. I'm totally on the same page." Michael said, gesturing with his hand in a mock salute.

"Oh! That tavern over there has juniper berry mead! Let's go get a pint!" Sherry cheered.

"Sure, but let's go easy on it. We got pretty drunk at Druella's party. I'm not looking to turn into some sort of alcoholic." Michael said.

"Aww, it's just a few pints." Sherry pouted.

"A few?!" Michael exclaimed.

...

~Shortly Later~

...

*POMF

Michael landed on the bed back in their house, with a giggling succubus landing on top. They were both completely hammered. Ever since Sherry had gotten drunk, she wouldn't stop talking.

"...and I think you're stewhepid for not wanting a sward. Everyone should have a sword. I want to teach you how to wave a sword around... and stuff!" Sherry pouted.

Michael might have answered her, but he was too drunk and too tired of refusing over and over. He simply grunted and rolled over so he could go to sleep. Sherry kept right on talking.

"I'm the finest swords...eh... what was I saying? Woman! Yeah! I'm the finest something-woman in the land! Missy what's her name kissed me because I'm the best est!" Sherry said proudly.

...

"Wait... that didn't sound right." Sherry said, scratching the base of her right horn.

...

"Thatis'... ORAL! Right! She ate me! I mean... she ate me out." Sherry slurred.

"Who?" Michael mumbled.

"Missy... um... drehibble? Dehroooohhh... Drueller! Druella! Yaaaaa!" Sherry slurred.

"That's nice, good night." Michael murmured.

...

She kept prattling on about swords and oral sex, all while straddling Michael. He was laying on his side, so she started humping nothing but his hip. Even then, she could barely do it. She was that drunk. So Michael grabbed a pillow, shoved it between her legs, and let her hump the pillow while he went to sleep.

...

~The Next Morning~

...

When Michael woke up the next morning, his body was unbearably hot. He instinctively threw off the very heavy quilt covering his chest, letting cool air reach his sweaty skin.

"Wha... why is it so hot? What the hell happened?" Michael thought.

He started to sit up, but a hand appeared on his chest to shove him right back down. Sherry was hard at work between his legs, her head bobbing up and down as she sucked his cock like a popsicle.

"Goopf mophng~" Sherry said, mouth full.

"Ahh~ I like waking up with a blowjob, but this is over the top~" Michael exclaimed, moaning.

Sherry kept right on sucking without breaking stride, but she did start making slurping sounds on purpose just to make the whole encounter that much lewder.

...

"AH!" Michael cried.

His whole world went white as the overwhelming sensation of being sucked off by a succubus nailed him right in the brain. When he came to his senses, he found that he had thrashed himself clean off the bed. The only thing that was still holding him up was Sherry, who was still latched onto his lower half with her mouth.

*Sliiiiiide

*THUNK

She slid onto the floor, taking a pile of blankets with her. Not once did she stop sucking, not even for a moment. Within a few seconds, he already had the urge to cum again.

"GAAAH!" Michael cried.

The second time was far more intense than the first. His whole body shook as he was wracked with intense overwhelming pleasure. When his vision cleared again, Sherry had abandoned the sucking position and had moved into the cowgirl position, all while wiping some cum from her mouth with her wrist.

"This is all you. I'm not going to stop until you go soft!" Sherry insisted, hopping up and down.

"That's crazy! I'll never get soft like this!" Michael exclaimed.

"Then I guess we'll fuck for the rest of time! I'm fine with that! This is what you get for making me hump a pillow while I'm drunk!" Sherry cheered.

*Thwack

Sherry's body bounced up and down, the sound of soft silky flesh smacking against flesh. There was nothing for him to do other than lay there and let it happen.

"I love you sweetie! I love you so much!" Sherry cried.

"I love you too!" Michael answered immediately.

Her whole body jiggled as she bounced up and down. Her tongue hung out of her mouth, and she wouldn't stop moaning. She had completely lost herself in the act of lovemaking. And so did Michael. There was a burning sensation deep inside him that was being relieved, like being thirsty and finally finding something to drink. Once he got past his initial shock and surprise, he wanted her to keep right on going.

"GAH!" Michael cried.

A few seconds passed, and he was already on the verge of cumming. Each time he climaxed, the next one was even closer. It was a succubus milking in the truest form. Eventually it got to the point that he climaxed on top of a climax, and it never stopped.

...

They cuddled together, panting and recovering from their little love session.

"Oh my... you really worked up a sweat." Sherry panted.

"So did you." Michael panted.

...

A few more moments passed them by, allowing them to get their combined breathing and heartbeats under control.

...

"Would you like help relieving yourself?" Sherry asked.

"Gross!" Michael said.

"It's not gross sweetie. Nothing about you is gross. And I love you. Come now, let me at least help you get up." Sherry said.

So she hopped to her feet with the energy of a bunny, and pulled him up with her. He didn't say anything, but he marveled at her energy even after what seemed like a very lewd night under her care. She could drink herself under the table, screw like a bunny until dawn, and then still have the energy to run around like a five year old after eating a pound of sugar. Michael on the other hand... felt like something the cat dragged in.

"It occurs to me... if I were to be saddled with two monster girls, I'd probably die. Yeah, I don't think that would be fun at all. Not one bit." Michael thought.

So after picking up some of his discarded clothes, Michael stumbled out of the bedroom and towards the nearest full set of house plumbing. He closed the door behind him, and looked into the nearest mirror. It was quite the garish man looking back at him, with dark eyes and messy hair. He looked like someone who had been to hell and back.

"Men and inma are meant to be together? Hah. Maybe with some established boundaries. But unrestricted? I wonder if my health is going downhill. I don't think I slept well last night. How could I? She was probably sucking me off the whole time. And all this drinking... good lord." Michael thought.

...

After washing his hands, he washed his face.

"Why am I so sweaty? Am I coming down with something?" Michael thought.

He checked his pockets, and found his comb in one of them. With it, he was able to straighten out the strands of damp hair on his head.

"Ugh... I'm only 25 and my hair is already thinner in the front than it used to be. Damn it!" Michael thought.

...

"I hope Sherry isn't into big bald guys. All those drawings in her room had a full head of hair. Maybe I'd better talk to her, before this goes too far." Michael thought.

...

He wandered out of the bathroom, and made his way back to the bedroom so he could find some better clothes. The sound of Sherry in the kitchen rattling pans around echoed faintly down the hallway. As he walked into the bedroom, he found the maid cleaning up and making the bed.

"Oh! Monsieur Collins! I thought you would be having breakfast right now." The ghost maid said.

"I was going to change before heading down, because these are clothes are pretty dirty." Michael said.

"Yes monsieur. I shall give you privacy..." The ghost maid said.

"Don't worry about it, I'll just change in the bathroom." Michael said kindly.

"Would you like help?" The ghost maid asked.

"Hehe, no. I'm good. Thanks though." Michael said.

He disappeared into the bathroom, and quickly changed his clothes. Just as he pulled his shirt over his head, he heard a rather loud exclamation from the bedroom the maid was cleaning.

"La Vache!" The ghost maid exclaimed.

Michael was out of that bathroom and in the bedroom in a flash. The maid was holding his magic coin in her ethereal hands, and gazing at it with wonder in her eyes. It was already beginning to transform into a different style of coin, being influenced by its new master.

*SNATCH

Michael swiped it and shoved it into his pocket.

"That's mine, thank you very much." Michael blurted.

"A thousand pardons monsieur. I found it under the bed." The ghost maid said.

"I know. I put it there. Now I'll put it somewhere else where it won't be found. If you'll excuse me..." Michael said.

And he walked out. The ghostly maid wanted to chase after him and apologize again, but she realized that it would be better to not push the issue. After all, she hadn't done anything truly wrong. It was just a coin. So her eyes turned towards the bed, and she picked up a stray pillow that had fallen off.

*Squish!

*Drip drip drip

"Ewwwwww! What happened to this pillow?!" The ghost maid exclaimed.

...

Ducking into a side room, Michael looked at the coin in his palm. Once again it took the form of an 1849 double eagle.

"Maybe it would be better if I used the coin right away, instead of worrying about someone swiping it." Michael thought.

...

"But what do I want? This is a very old magic coin. It'll grant the HELL out of whatever I wish for. What's my deepest desire? What do I want the most? Well... what did I ask for before? I wanted a woman from Fallen Maidens. And I ended up with Sherry. How do I top that?" Michael thought.

...

"I love Sherry. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Even if she's a lousy drunk, and she's obsessed with sword fighting. I want... her to be happy. I want to give back to her as much as she's given to me." Michael thought.

So he stared at the head of the coin, thinking of some way he could give back to Sherry. He had very little to give. But he loved her so much... he was willing to give up one of the last few things he had remaining, including his humanity. He rubbed the head of the coin.

"I wish... I were the perfect incubus for Sherry. So I could keep up with her, and love her, and please her like I know she wants." Michael said quietly.

Nothing happened. A pained flutter filled his chest.

"Don't I love her enough? Turn me into an incubus! Please!" Michael thought.

The magic coin remained stubbornly inert. Giving up on that wish for the moment, his mind started trying to come up with something else.

"Maybe I should wish for something a little more selfish. What's something I want, for me and me alone?" Michael thought.

Michael rubbed his thumb against the head of the double eagle.

"I wish that the automaton would function again." Michael said quietly.

... nothing happened.

"I wish I knew how to fix the automaton completely." Michael reworded his wish.

...again, nothing happened.

"I wish I was the world's best electronics technician who could fix anything!" Michael said quietly.

...nada.

"Why won't it work? What am I missing?" Michael thought.

...

"Frack it. I've got things to do around here. I'd better slip this into one of the card holders in my wallet. That way it'll be safe." Michael thought.

So he leaned over and pulled his wallet out of his cargo pocket, and slid the coin safely into one of the pockets inside.

"Now I just have to keep from getting pick pocketed." Michael thought.

He slid his wallet back into his cargo pocket, and buttoned it up tight.

...

*Click

*Clack

*Click

"Sweetie? Are you okay? You're taking a long time. Your coffee will get cold!" Sherry called through the door.

"I'm fine. It's just so damn hot today." Michael said.

"Okay well... hurry up now. I made you a biiiiiiig breakfast!" Sherry called through the door.

And with that, he heard her high heels clicking into the distance.

...

So Michael made his way to the dining area, where Sherry had laid out his breakfast. Alistair and Crimson were already done and on their way for their own private adventuring in Lescatie. So he settled down, sipped his coffee, and ate his breakfast.

"Does Lescatie get hot days like this pretty often?" Michael asked.

"I don't know. I can't really tell the difference between hot days and cold days." Sherry said.

She reached out and placed the palm of her hand against his forehead.

"Well?" Michael asked.

Sherry shook her head.

"I can't tell. We inma have high body temperatures, so it's hard to get a good reading. Just a moment." Sherry said.

She leaned in and pressed her forehead against his.

"No, I still can't tell. Just like I can't tell hot days from cold days." Sherry said.

"Well I don't feel sick or anything, I just feel hot, like it's summer back in Arizona." Michael said.

"That's what bothers me though. You come from a very hot place. Lescatie should never get that hot." Sherry said.

...

"I'll... pour you some more coffee while I ponder this." Sherry said.

"Don't worry about it, I want to get going." Michael said.

"Going!? Where?!" Sherry exclaimed.

"The gremlin facility. I want to keep working on that automaton. And besides... I think it's a lot cooler in there. It's underground." Michael said.

"I suppose..." Sherry said reluctantly.

"Next stop, robotics!" Michael cheered.

...

"He's so... eccentric sometimes." Sherry thought.

...

Michael was in a big hurry as he excitedly hustled over to the gremlin facility. He blew right past the guards, down the long sloping hallway, past countless doors to work areas, and arrived in Zellie's little corner. He popped in to say hello, finding her hard at work on some zany looking experiment.

"Hey Michael! Oh... your face is all red! You alright?" Zellie asked.

"Yeah, it's just hot outside today. It's nice and cool in here, so give me a few minutes and I'll be fine again." Michael said.

"I haven't been outside today, so I have no idea." Zellie said.

"Yeah it's pretty warm." Michael said, smiling.

"Say, about that friend of yours..." Zellie asked.

"Alistair? What about him?" Michael asked.

"Was he... hitting on me the other day?" Zellie asked.

"Yes. Yes he was. He's not very good at it either, in his defense." Michael said.

"But I could sense other inma on him. He's already married?" Zellie asked, confused.

"He's in a bicorn arrangement." Michael said.

"OH! I see! No wonder he was so awkward! That wasn't necessarily his fault. That's part of the bicorn magic. They like to be in control of who ends up in the harem." Zellie explained.

"Yeah well... he was awkward before he got married. Anyways, I know he really likes gremlins. Maybe you'd like to go talk to him?" Michael suggested.

"Maybe I should. Yeah. I don't think I would mind being in a harem. That means the others could deal with all the sex while I can keep doing my experiments. Speaking of... " Zellie said.

"Right. Message received. I'm out, catch you later." Michael said cheerfully.

So Michael walked around the corner, and walked into his workspace. He put down all his tools, and turned towards the workbench holding the automaton. His smile disappeared in a nanosecond.

"What the fra..." Michael exclaimed.

...

Zellie had her nose buried in a technical reference book when she heard a stream of cusses come from the next room.

"Michael?" Zellie called.

"Get in here! Quick! Something happened with the automaton!" Michael called.

Zellie jumped to her feet in an instant, an expletive on her lips.

...

She ran into Michael's workspace, and jumped up on the chair so she could get a good look at the automaton. The chest cavity was torn open, and bundles of wires were dangling everywhere. Her arms were in the place where her legs were supposed to go, and her feet were attached to her shoulders. And worst of all, her head was disconnected and shoved into her crotch, where it was held in place by the arm/legs.

"What the fuck!" Zellie exclaimed.

"That's what I said... more or less." Michael said.

"Didn't you put it away in the warded glass case? I thought you were going to!" Zellie asked.

"I never planned on that. I just put away my tools and left." Michael said.

"Never ever do that! Michael... we're GREMLINS! We mess with each other's projects all the time!" Zellie exclaimed.

...

Michael facepalmed.

"It's fine, I don't think they took anything. Just... take this as a learning experience and don't leave your things laying out ever again. Okay?" Zellie said.

"Okay..." Michael grumbled.

...

As Michael was left alone with the molested automaton, he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. He pulled out his tools and quickly restored her anatomy to the way it was supposed to be. The second time went by much faster, since he wasn't recording and knew what he was doing. He didn't pull out his camera because he didn't think it was right to record the automaton in such a sorry state. After he got the head reattached, he let out a sigh.

"No worries, I'll put you up this time. Nobody's going to be messing with you again, I promise." Michael said softly.

Of course he didn't expect a reply, and he got none. He couldn't help but pause and look into her eyes. They were open, and they peered lifelessly past his shoulder and at the ceiling like before.

"Should I really be doing this? It almost seems wrong somehow. But... if I don't fix her, who will? I suppose this is how a surgeon feels when they're wrist deep in some person's chest cavity. It's a sort of violation in a way, but it's not frowned on. Wow... what a weird thought." Michael thought.

...

"What am I thinking? These are spare parts. Non functional pieces of junk. This automaton will never work again. Zellie said so, and I'm not arrogant enough to dispute her experience. But... this whole time... I've been fixing her in the hope that she would wake up again. Why?" Michael thought.

Michael smiled to himself.

"It'd be nice to talk to her. I know the automatons are sentient like a person. I mean... hell... the MGE has sentient mud. It's not too much of a leap to have a sentient machine. I feel really bad when I think... she's dead. It's like seeing a dead human. Wow... another weird thought." Michael thought.

...

~Later~

...

Michael wandered back into Zellie's workspace again, finding her sketching something on a large piece of paper.

"Hey Zellie, could I ask you about these automaton schematics?" Michael asked.

"Sure!" Zellie said cheerfully.

"Are there any other ones? These ones aren't correct." Michael said.

"Wha!? Not correct!? Impossible!" Zellie exclaimed.

...

A few moments later, Michael had Zellie standing in front of the automaton again. He peered through a microscope which was aimed at the automaton's chest cavity, and then pulled away while pointing.

"Go ahead and take a look." Michael said.

Zellie peered through the microscope.

"Uh huh, it's the power hookup for the main core. Some of the wires got disconnected from the plug." Zellie observed.

"I think it happened when your friends messed with it. Anyways, I've been trying to re-populate the plug with the wires, but the schematic doesn't jive with what I'm seeing here. There's five extra wires which aren't on the schematic." Michael explained.

Zellie pulled away from the microscope to look at the schematic, and then looked back inside the eye piece again.

"Red, blue, green, white, black, red again, yellow... all seems right. Wait a minute. Blue with a white stripe? And a green with a white stripe?" Zellie asked.

"Exactly. It's not on the schematic. And refocus the scope, there's an entire extra plug right behind it with three wires on it. Two reds, and a green." Michael said.

"There is! What in the heck?!" Zellie exclaimed.

She pulled away from the microscope and looked Michael right in the eye.

"Now you see here. I've re-wired a hundred of these cores. I've never seen a single one that deviated from that schematic! Not a single one! There are no other schematics, because they've always been the same, even between different models!" Zellie insisted.

"Where did you find this automaton? Maybe the schematics were with her." Michael suggested.

"We found this automaton right here in this room. There were documents, but they were destroyed by mice. I think they were probably only copy that ever existed." Zellie said.

"Damn mice." Michael thought.

...

"So now what do I do? If I guess, I might damage her." Michael asked.

"Damage her? It's core is destroyed. There's nothing you can do to make it worse." Zellie said dryly.

She patted him on the shoulder.

"Jam those wires in any old place, or leave them unplugged. It makes no difference. In the meantime, I'm going back to my work." Zellie said.

And with that, she sauntered out. A few moments passed as Michael considered his options.

"I don't want to just put the wires anywhere. I want to at least try to get it right. There's no logic in guessing, unless you have no choice." Michael murmured.

So he got to work painstakingly trying to trace each wire to where it went. Considering they were just about the thickness of a human hair, it wasn't easy. The blue/white and green/white wires went into the head somewhere, but he couldn't figure out where. The two red wires split off, each individually going to an arm. The green wire ended in a terminal block where several other green wires went. Michael set up his camera and pressed record.

"Video log. I've run into a problem trying to figure out where these wires go. I suspect the green wire might be a ground or neutral of some kind, but there's only one way to make sure. I hope my multi-meter doesn't cause damage to the core when I ohm out the pins." Michael said aloud.

He pulled out his high quality Fluke multi-meter, and set it to continuity mode. If there existed a closed circuit between the two probes, the meter would beep and show low or zero resistance. Such a device works by passing a small current between the two probes. It could potentially damage something if it's sensitive to electro static discharges. For example... IC chips in computers, especially modern ones. But he knew of no other way to check it with the tools he had.

"I'm using one probe to connect to the terminal block where all the other green wires are going, and the other end is probing the connector that isn't on the schematic. Hopefully this device follows conventional electronics design, and all the grounds are connected." Michael said aloud.

*Probe...

*ProBEEEEEEEEEP!

"So it seems the far right pin is the correct pin for the green wire. So that means the other two pins should lead to the red wires. Now which one is left, and which one is right, I have no idea. But I don't think it will hurt anything to wire it up." Michael said.

...

"It occurs to me that if this plug were to ever be wired up incorrectly, and the ground wire were to be connected to either of the two hot wires, then a short circuit condition would exist. If this core is anything like a normal power supply, then either fire and smoke would pour out, or some form of circuit protection would trip. Either way, it would NEVER power up." Michael said.

...

"But that implies that the plug was wired incorrectly from the factory. It's not unheard of, mistakes do happen. What if that's what happened? What if that's why this automaton wouldn't ever activate? A tech would only have a 33% chance of guessing correctly." Michael reasoned.

He took a pair of tweezers and gently pushed the wires back into the connector.

"If my theory is correct, any damage that might have happened has already happened. I won't be destroying anything new if I'm making a mistake right now." Michael said aloud.

*Click

...

He waited a while, but there were no signs of life from the automaton. Clicking his multi-meter to the voltage setting, he probed around for any signs of voltage on any of the pins. There was none. At least, none that his meter could detect.

*Sigh...

"Alright, well... a fella can dream. Anyways, onto an analysis of the torso section." Michael said aloud.

...

~Late That Night~

...

Michael stretched his back and let out a big yawn. Looking down at his work, he had the automaton completely reassembled. She was still non functional, but at least she was in one piece.

"Hmm, the day flew by again. I'd better get home quick, or Sherry's going to be worried." Michael muttered.

He cleared away his tools, and slid his arms under the automaton. She was very heavy, but not too heavy for a big guy like Michael. He carried her over to the warded glass case, and gently placed her inside.

"Don't worry. One of these days I'll figure out how to get you working. You deserve a chance to live, and go see the world with your own eyes. I'll try my best to make it happen." Michael said kindly.

The automaton stared past him with her vacant eyes. Michael simply smiled, and gently closed the warded glass case. He was well beyond treating her like spare parts. Having discovered the problems inside her, he felt that it was possible to bring her to life eventually.

"Anything can be repaired, I just need enough time." Michael thought.

...

~Later~

...

It was night time in Lescatie, but Michael was sweltering as he walked home. It was unbearably hot, and sweat dripped off his forehead like a small river.

"I'm going to get dehydrated at this rate. I need to remember to drink lots of water when I get home." Michael thought.

He shuffled along under the unbearable heat.

"It's like Phoenix in the dead of summer. I could fry an egg on my forehead right now." Michael thought.

...

"It's weird though. I feel this heat all the way through me. I feel hot inside too. What's happening here? And why was it so cool in the gremlin facility?" Michael thought.

He stumbled into their Lescatie house, where he found Alistair in the hallway. He was sweating just as badly as Michael.

"Why's it so hot Mike? I feel like I'm in Mount Doom." Alistair asked.

"I don't know maple man. I feel the same." Michael muttered.

Alistair passed him a bottle of Gatorade, which Michael proceeded to chug. Sherry came around the corner, attracted by the sound of Michael returning home.

"Sweetie! You're finally home!" Sherry cheered.

She rushed over and hugged him, making him groan.

"Ugh... so hot..." Michael complained.

"Would you like something to eat sweetie?" Sherry asked.

"Yeah. I'd like... ice cream with a side of frozen yogurt, ice cold watermelon, ice cold sweet tea, and about fifty gallons of ice water." Michael quipped.

...

"So... no hot food?" Sherry asked.

"NO!" Both Michael and Alistair cried.

"Oh you poor boys. Let me try cooling a room off with magic. Maybe that would help?" Sherry suggested.

"Try the room we put the electricity in." Michael said.

"The one with the TV and fridge. A cold beer sounds bloody fantastic right now." Alistair said.

"Okay. Come now, let's cool you two off." Sherry said.

So they went into the room in question, which at that point might as well have been called a game room. It had a TV, a fridge, a selection of games and movies, and even a desktop computer. All thrown together by the two men so they could have their little slice of home, even in a fantasy land such as Lescatie.

"Alright you two, settle down and witness the vastness of my power!" Sherry cheered.

The two men sat down as requested, and Sherry raised her hands and began casting countless spells. She warded the walls against heat, and then cast spells to cause all the heat to gather up and be expelled out the window. Then she cast spells to control the previous spells, ensuring the room would always be the perfect temperature.

...

"There we go! Now, are you two feeling better?" Sherry asked.

"Um... well..." Alistair hesitated.

"Not really. Are you sure you cast the right spell?" Michael asked.

"It's actually hotter in here if you ask me." Alistair said reluctantly.

"I'd agree with that. It's hotter in here." Michael said.

Sherry narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Sweetie, come with me." Sherry said.

She grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the room.

...

~A Few Minutes Later~

...

"Well... there's no doubt about it. He's under the effects of the Demon Realm Fever."

A healer was standing in front of Michael as he sat in some sort of monster girl clinic. She was looking into his eyes, checking his temperature, listening to his breathing, and all the other sorts of things a normal doctor might do.

"I thought only inma could get demon realm fever." Michael said.

"I said you're under the effects of it, I didn't say you have it." The healer clarified.

"He doesn't understand. His knowledge of our way of life comes from the Encyclopedia." Sherry explained.

"Aha, now I see. Yes, the entry for Demon Realm Fever was... how should I say... misleading at best. Yes it is a disease that we mamono get, but humans can also suffer from it. It depends on who catches it, and what the circumstances are surrounding the human." The healer explained.

The healer turned and inspected Sherry.

"Hmm... you don't have it." The healer noted.

"I seem to be rather resistant to such things. I don't recall ever getting it, except for one time right after I became a succubus." Sherry explained.

"A common enough story. Many inma get it one time, and never again. Very few diseases effect us." The healer said, nodding.

"So uh... would someone care to explain how I can suffer from a disease I don't actually have?" Michael asked.

"The demon realm fever causes an inma to release great amounts of demonic energy in the form of a charm spell. You're suffering from the charm spell, although it seems rather weak. Perhaps you were exposed at a distance." The healer surmised.

"Each time you are exposed to further demonic energy, the spell is fueled like throwing oil on a fire." Sherry explained.

"So that's why it was so nice and cool in the gremlin facility. It's underground, so it's away from the demonic energy in the air." Michael reasoned.

"And that's why that one room became hotter, because I was casting a bunch of spells." Sherry reasoned.

"But still though... who cast the original spell?" Michael asked.

"There's probably someone of rather high magical strength somewhere in the city who caught the demon realm fever, and you happened to be nearby when the charm spell was released. It doesn't even have to be someone you know. A neighbor perhaps, or perhaps someone in a crowded area." The healer said.

"We've been all over the city lately. It could have been anyone." Michael said.

...

"I don't like the idea of some unknown person casting spells on my sweetie. Is there anything we could do to remove it?" Sherry asked.

"You have two options. One, you could let the spell fade away on its own. That could take a few days. Or you could pour a ton of demonic energy into his body, ignite the full power of the spell, and work it off in the bedroom. That would only take one night." The healer explained.

Michael felt his pelvis creak at the thought of option two. He realized that the sensation of utter relief and satisfaction he had felt that morning was probably a result of that charm spell. Already his loins began to move at the thought of feeling that satisfaction again.

"Crimson isn't going to be able to do that for Alistair. She's not strong enough." Sherry noted.

...

"If he's going to suffer, then I guess I am too. No special treatment for me." Michael decided.

"As you wish. But here, take these cooling herbs. They'll help a little." The healer said.

She handed a small cloth bag to Sherry.

"Should I make it into a tea?" Sherry asked.

"Yes, that would be fine. Or have him consume the leaves directly. Just make sure to let the tea cool first before serving it, or it would be counterproductive." The healer explained.

...

So the two of them went home, and found Alistair half passed out in the game room with an unopened beer pressed against his forehead. Michael collapsed onto a chair next to him.

"Well maple man, I've got bad news." Michael said.

"The weather is bloody awful here?" Alistair asked.

"Nope. The monster girls cast a charm spell on us." Michael said.

"I can't take this anymore mate. It's so bloody hot. I'm on fire." Alistair murmured.

"I know man. I know. I feel hot too." Michael said.

"I'm from bloody Canada. It doesn't get like this up there." Alistair said.

A pair of cups appeared in front of Michael and Alistair.

"Drink this. It will help." Sherry said softly.

The two men each took a cup and downed the tea in one gulp.

...

Suddenly, their teeth started chattering.

"Holy shhh shhhh hhh hitttt ttt I'm cccc ccold!" Michael shuddered.

"Good, then it means it's working. Crimson?" Sherry called.

Crimson had been waiting outside the room for Sherry's signal. Once she heard it, she came through the doorway and made a beeline straight for Alistair.

"Okay master, let's get you to bed." Crimson said.

She escorted the shivering Canadian out of the room, leaving just Sherry and Michael behind.

"So mu uuu ch for Canadian tolerance... to coldddd!" Michael shivered."

"So much for Arizonian tolerance to heat." Sherry quipped.

She settled down into the padded chair, squeezing in next to him. Immediately he began feeling much warmer.

"Oh! That's... that's a lot better! What's happening?" Michael asked.

"The tea temporarily changes how your body reacts to temperatures. Normally a human reacts to demonic energy by becoming very hot and bothered. By taking the tea, your body becomes abnormally cold, until exposed to my demonic energy which brings you to a normal temperature. Or in Alistair's case, Crimson's energy." Sherry explained at length.

"Huh, that's pretty wild." Michael said.

"It's crafted by the people of the ice realms far to the north. The yuki-onna make a decent profit sending it to the warmer regions of the south. It's imbued with their ice magic." Sherry explained.

"I'm sure it's reaaaaaaal popular with inma who like to cuddle." Michael noted.

"You guessed right. And I'm one of them~" Sherry said, smiling.

She squeezed him extra hard, nuzzling her cheeks against his.

"So unless you want to be cold, I guess we're going to spend ~All Night~ like this~" Sherry sang.

"I don't mind. Maybe we can sit and chat a while before bed." Michael suggested.

"Agreed." Sherry said happily.

She leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"Do you suppose it was the ocarina which caused this"?" Sherry asked.

"I don't know. It's possible." Michael said.

"It seems your music caused quite a stir in the city... and in the party." Sherry said.

"I don't remember a lot of it. What happened?" Michael asked.

"Well now... mistress Druella was so impressed with your music, she came over and kissed you right on the lips." Sherry said.

"What?!" Michael exclaimed.

"The demonic energy burst was too much for you, and you passed out. I carried you home." Sherry recalled.

Michael winced while clutching his chest.

"Oh don't worry, you're fine. It just means you're that much closer to becoming an incubus." Sherry said.

...

"I've... been meaning to ask you more about that." Michael said hesitantly.

"Hmm? Like what?" Sherry asked.

"Well... I was looking at my hair in the mirror this morning..." Michael recounted hesitantly.

"And you're worried about how you're going bald?" Sherry asked casually.

"WHAT?! YOU NOTICED?!" Michael exclaimed, his face turning beet red.

"Naturally. I'm a succubus, I notice everything." Sherry said casually.

She gently stroked his hair line, tracing her fingers along the two very subtle inward dips.

"Of course it goes without saying that I don't particularly care what you look like. Even as you were when we first met, or if you were to lose your hair, it makes no difference to me." Sherry said.

Sherry giggled.

"You asked me to make you skinny, and I made you skinny. Would you like me to fix this little imperfection in your hair?" Sherry asked.

"Yes please. I would very much appreciate that." Michael said.

"YAY! You're finally asking me to use magic for you! I'm so excited! I'll even get rid of that mole we talked about earlier!" Sherry cheered.

...

~Five Minutes Later~

...

"There! All done! Now your hair will be thick and healthy for the rest of time!" Sherry said cheerfully.

Michael looked himself over with a handheld mirror.

"Wow, it's like looking at myself in the mirror when I was thirteen. You'd never know my hair was getting thin. Thanks!" Michael said graciously.

Sherry put a finger on his lips.

"Don't thank me yet. I expect compensation." Sherry said slyly.

Michael's eyes narrowed.

"It's going to be something sexual... isn't it?" Michael asked.

"Naturally. Again... I'm a succubus. I don't care about what you look like, I care about having lots and lots of wild sex." Sherry said sweetly.

"You really are a slutty perverted woman." Michael said.

"Compliments are appreciated, but won't get you out of compensating me~" Sherry sang.

...

The Next Morning

...

The next morning came peacefully for the Collins household. Michael rose out of bed and got cleaned up, and then came out for breakfast. The heat of the charm spell was somehow less that morning, so he was able to eat in relative peace. As he sat with a cup of coffee in his hand, a knock came to the door.

*Knockknockknock

Alistair and Crimson were there with him, and Sherry was serving them coffee, so Michael knew it was a stranger. Sherry answered the door... and escorted a dark knight into the little secondary dining hall where Michael sat.

"Lord Collins, mistress Druella requested I bring you this letter." The dark knight said.

She handed him a black envelope with a wax seal on the back, stamped with the eye of Lilith.

"Thank you." Michael said kindly.

The dark knight smiled, bowed slightly, and quickly left. Michael slid his finger under the flap, and the wax popped off effortlessly. His eyes quickly raked over the elegant handwriting.

"What does the mistress have to say?" Sherry asked.

"She wants me to meet her at the throne room." Michael said.

"Oh! Well we must go with all haste!" Sherry exclaimed, removing her apron.

"Not we... me. She wants me to meet her, and she specifically told me not to bring you." Michael said.

...

"Did I... offend her?" Sherry asked meekly.

"I have no idea. But I suppose I had better go see her." Michael said.

"Hurry sweetie! Don't keep the mistress waiting! Hurry hurry!" Sherry urged.

"Alright alright, I'm going." Michael grumbled.

...

~Shortly Later~

...

"Hey ladies, Druella asked me to come see her?" Michael said.

The two honor guards standing outside Druella's throne room silently stepped aside, and permitted him to enter. He walked the distance from the door to the throne, and stood before Druella herself. She sat upon the throne with her leg crossed over her knee, and a lewd smile on her face.

"Damn, she's hot." Michael thought.

Gentle music came from her new music box, which had a prominent place on a table near her throne. It brought a smile to his face, seeing her enjoy his gift.

"You are certainly punctual Lord Collins. I like that." Druella purred.

"I can't stand being late. I see you're enjoying some music." Michael observed.

"Yes indeed. I have heard quite a few songs I quite like." Druella said happily.

"Like what?" Michael asked.

"There was one called... 'Double Shot of my Baby's Love' which was quite amusing. And then there was 'Li'l Red Riding Hood', which made me feel butterflies inside." Druella said.

"I know those two. That's the Swingin' Medallions and Sam The Sham... respectively." Michael said, nodding.

Michael nodded a while, thinking to himself.

"I suppose you're not used to the concept of men pursuing women, are you?" Michael asked.

"Such a thing had never crossed my mind even once during my life. In my world, women pursue men." Druella said, grinning devilishly.

...

"Right. So... what was it that you needed?" Michael asked smoothly.

Druella let out a subtle sigh.

"I know we haven't known each other for long, but I've come to call you friend. You've done so much for us..." Druella started.

"If it's something I can do, I'll try my best to do it." Michael reassured.

"Well... we have a diplomatic situation regarding your soldiers in my city." Druella said reluctantly.

Michael's smile faded.

"Are you talking about that arachne and the clothes? I consider that situation settled." Michael said flatly.

"No? What arachne, and what clothes?" Druella asked.

"Er... it's not important. What diplomatic situation are you talking about?" Michael asked.

*Click

Michael heard a door close to his right. A beautiful slender woman with white hair, white tail, and white wings had entered the room. She was looking directly at Michael with a devilish smile.

"Is that... one of Druella's sisters? She looks younger than Druella. What a pretty thing." Michael thought.

Michael nodded his head.

"How do miss." Michael said politely.

He turned back to Druella in order to continue his conversation, leaving the white haired newcomer to slowly cross the width of the throne room. Druella had the look of surprise etched on her face.

"What were we saying? Oh yeah, something about a diplomatic situation?" Michael asked.

"Yes... ahem... It's very uncomfortable having foreign soldiers here when we have no treaty with your kingdom. No worries Lord Collins, I already have a treaty prepared for you to sign. It was drafted by Lord Castor himself." Druella said.

"Lord Castor? As in Lord Castor Lescatie? The former king?" Michael asked.

"The one and only. He is our diplomat now, if you were unaware. Now please, let us get this small matter out of the way so we may welcome you to our city properly." Druella said, smiling softly.

She produced a scroll from the same table that had the music box. Holding it towards him, it teleported from her hands into Michael's grasp. He carefully unrolled it and read the contents. Meanwhile, the mysterious Lilim walked up to Michael, and began to slowly circle him. Her devilish red eyes raked up and down his body, silently analyzing every single detail about him, down to an errant tuft of hair on his head or an odd crease in his shirt. Michael tried to ignore her as he quietly read the scroll.

"When you're ready, I have a pen and bottle of ink here." Druella pressed.

Michael read a little more, and then began to shake his head side to side.

"No. I can't sign this. I'm sorry." Michael said.

"What?! Why not?! It's an exceedingly fair treaty!" Druella exclaimed.

"It doesn't matter what's in the deal, I can't sign a treaty for my government. It wouldn't be honored. I have no political standing." Michael said.

"You... don't?" Druella asked, surprised.

"Nope. I thought you might want to sign a treaty between yourself and Sherry's inma, not between yourself and the United States." Michael said.

"But hasn't Searraigh conquered your land yet?" Druella asked bluntly.

The strange lilim perked her ears up at that question, enough that Michael noticed.

"...no." Michael said evenly.

"What's taking her so long? She should go straight to your king or queen and corr..." Druella tried to say.

"We don't have kings or queens in my country. Our leaders are elected every few years by We The People." Michael said.

"Interesting. How novel. Then it's a simple matter of Searraigh being chosen as your new leader. I'm sure that her subjects will happily choose her, and by extension... you." Druella said.

Michael remained silent. The strange lilim looked at his face, interested to see the particular reaction he was having to that chain of conversation.

"I'll be honest. I wouldn't vote for her." Michael said bluntly.

"You wouldn't choose your own wife? Why not?" Druella asked, surprised.

"Because she doesn't know a single thing about how our country works. It'd be complete disaster. All the inma would love her, but the humans would all hate her guts because of her poorly made laws. I know... I dislike some of them." Michael explained.

Druella raised an eyebrow.

"Then you should be leader. You're the obvious choice since you're married to Searraigh. If she told her subjects to choose you, they would choose you." Druella said.

"No, I wouldn't make a good leader either. I'd be busy shaping the country how I think it should be, not how the voters want it to be. I'd make a mess too." Michael said.

The strange lilim had no reaction to his words. Whether they were what she wanted to hear, or if she disagreed, Michael couldn't tell.

"I came here to Lescatie because Sherry wanted to show me her hometown, not to sign any formal agreements for my country." Michael explained.

...

Druella remained silent for several long moments as she considered her options.

"Those soldiers are only here because your army hasn't returned yet. Someone has to protect this place if the Order were to launch a surprise attack. You don't have enough dark knights to protect one wall, much less the whole city." Michael said.

"Your gesture is appreciated. Truly, it is. But even so, your words only highlight how vulnerable we would be should your knights choose to attack us." Druella said.

"They're inma." Michael said flatly.

Once again, Druella fell silent for a moment.

"I understand your meaning. An inma would never wish to do such a horrid thing as attack a peaceful city, treaty or no treaty. Searraigh is also one of us, which leaves you..." Druella reasoned.

While they conversed, the mysterious lilim had circled closer and closer to Michael, to the point where she was practically hugging him. With her being so close, it was getting difficult for Michael to focus on the very important conversation that was occurring. So Michael focused his eyes down on the lilim, and she looked upwards expectantly into his eyes.

"Excuse me miss, I don't mean to be rude, but you're in my bubble." Michael said politely.

The mysterious lilim flashed him a salacious grin, and took one big step back. Michael returned her smile and nodded as a way of saying thank you. Druella looked on with intense interest.

"Now, where was I? Oh yeah. What do you mean I'm the only one left? I think I've made it clear I don't want to hurt anyone here. I came here because I wanted to be friends. You know that." Michael noted.

It was at that moment that the mysterious lilim spoke for the first time. Her voice was light and soft, like a young woman.

"Druella?"

"Yes mother?" Druella asked.

"I like him."

Michael very slowly turned his head to face the lilim, his eye twitching.

"Did she... just call you mother?" Michael asked.

"Yes, she did. I am her mother." Lilith said, grinning devilishly.

Lilith chuckled evilly as Michael reeled in shock. The reaction she expected was shock, followed by a flurry of inane blubbering. Or perhaps a quick drop to his knees with his head bowed. That's what anyone else would have done. But not Michael.

...

"It's... a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry, I thought you were her younger sister." Michael said apologetically.

Her eyebrow shot up, much like Druella's had a few moments before.

"That is a mistake very few people make. Most people cannot help but bow the instant they lay eyes on me. Even your lovely wife, if I recall." Lilith said.

She took a step forward, her eyes staring deeply into Michael's very soul.

"~Bow~" Lilith said, eyes flashing with power.

"Well you see I have this problem with my knees..." Michael started.

Her finger caught his chin, making him fall silent.

"Bow for me. Bow for your ~mistress~" Lilith said powerfully.

"Nah. I'm not into the whole BDSM thing. It's not my bag." Michael said cheerfully.

Druella mouthed the words 'not my bag' to herself in confusion. Michael put his hands on his hips.

"You feel no compulsion to kneel before me?" Lilith asked.

"None whatsoever." Michael answered honestly.

"Of course you know that I possess the power to force you to bow." Lilith said.

"Of course." Michael said calmly.

...

Her red eyes flicked down from his face to his clothes. He was wearing an old school blue checkered button-up shirt, which would have looked right at home on someone from the 1960s. It was neatly tucked into a pair of wrangler jeans.

"Tis just as well that you don't bow. Perhaps you would be willing to remove your garments instead?" Lilith asked.

She reached out and plucked at one of his shirt buttons. Michael reached up and gently pushed her hand away. Druella gasped, and Lilith looked up at him sharply. The mood of the room immediately changed, Michael knew he had just crossed some sort of boundary.

"Let mother do as she pleases!" Druella interjected.

"She's a married woman, and I'm a married man." Michael countered.

"Just do it you fool!" Druella spat.

He glanced down towards Lilith, back up to Druella, and then finally let her hand have access.

"Betcha don't like me anymore ma'am." Michael quipped.

"You're the first man other than my husband who dared to refuse my wishes." Lilith said.

She resumed unbuttoning Michael's shirt.

...

Before long, Michael's button up shirt was completely undone. He pulled it off, tugging the tail out of under the waist band of his wrangler jeans. As he stood there, bare from the waist up, Lilith's eyes raked over his body with an inhuman hunger, drinking in his muscles and sweaty skin. He couldn't quite tell whether that was just how she acted normally, or if it was an unusual occasion. She reached out and began following the contours of his muscles with her fingers. She caressed his chest, his arms, and the curvature of his spine. To his credit, Michael was in pretty good shape thanks to Sherry's magic, and constant snacking on prisoner fruits. He was by no means a muscle bound freak, but he was definitely filled with knotted lean muscle.

"Once again I find myself within your bubble, but this time you do not protest. Why is that? Because I am the monster lord?" Lilith asked.

"Because you're not dangerous to me." Michael said.

A light laugh escaped Lilith's ruby red lips.

"Then you are a fool. I have conquered millions over the span of my long life. I've wrapped entire nation states around my little finger, and I could have you groveling on the floor." Lilith said.

"I didn't say you're not dangerous. I said that you're not dangerous to me. Because I know that while you could do those things to me, you won't." Michael noted.

"And why shouldn't I? Perhaps it would please me to subjugate you for your insolence." Lilith said dangerously.

"In which case, I would be very disappointed. I was told you respected freedom more than that. Wouldn't that make you no better than the demon lord you overthrew? What makes you an improvement?" Michael asked.

She froze, her eye twitching in surprise.

"Is that why you sent Sherry to my world? To subjugate us and wrap us around your little finger? I don't believe that. I think you just want help ending the war. I think you have a dream, to see the world at peace." Michael said

Lilith remained silent, but he could tell she was analyzing him with her eyes. He was analyzing her right back.

"You know, there are billions of people on my world. If all of them were either inma or incubi, you could use all the demonic energy to shut down the chief god for good. Then there would be no more war. It doesn't take a brainiac to figure that out." Michael reasoned.

Right at that moment, Lilith spun her head around towards the door from which she had entered the room. A maid came in, and hurried over to Druella so that she might relay a message quietly. Then the maid hustled out, leaving Druella to nod towards her mother.

"We will meet again... Michael Collins." Lilith said.

Lilith pulled her hand away from caressing Michael's arm, and turned towards her daughter. She leaned in, whispered something in her ear, and then walked away. Lilith sashayed off to the same door where the maid had retreated through. Michael watched her go, until she disappeared through the doorway.

*Click

...

"Holy shit." Michael thought.

When he turned back towards the throne, Druella was gone. A quick look around showed her to be right behind him.

"Gah!" Michael jumped.

"I demand to know what power you are hiding!" Druella exclaimed.

"What?!" Michael exclaimed.

"No mortal man could stand before her like that! The weight of her power should have crushed you! The weight of MY power should have crushed you!" Druella exclaimed.

She got right up in his face.

"What are you?! Even your friend, as pleasant as he was, was not unaffected by my power! So you cannot make excuses that it's because you're from another world!" Druella insisted.

...

"Well?!" Druella demanded.

"You're in my bubble." Michael grumbled.

...

Druella took one big step back, just like her mother had done.

"Thank you. Now... you know exactly what there is to know about me. I'm exactly as you see, no more... no less." Michael said.

"I believed that once, but not after what happened at that party of mine. I sensed the magic within your voice, and your music. It pulled at my mind like one might pluck the strings of a lute!" Druella recounted.

"Sorry about that. I should have probably warned you first." Michael murmured.

"What? What was that? You knew about it? HA! You deceived me! There IS more to you than what I see before me!" Druella exclaimed.

Michael flinched back as her finger pointed directly at his nose.

"You do have a secret! No other man other than father has been able to stand up to her! Not one! All inma and humans drop to their knees in her presence! Not you however. Oh no. You're special. Why?" Druella demanded.

He stepped back, trying to get some space between him and her finger. She followed him, glaring at him, demanding an answer to her challenge.

"Are you calling me a liar? Get bent!" Michael spat.

...

Michael cussed under his breath, turned, and walked away.

*CLANG

The door shut behind him. Druella stood there meekly, realizing that she had just screwed up.

"I'm sorry my friend... it's just that she told me that you remind her of when she was young." Druella said to nobody.

...

~Later~

...

Michael strolled back into his house, where he was greeted by Sherry's lips.

*SMOOCH

She kissed him before he could even get a word in edgewise. As soon as she was done, she draped her arms around his neck.

"Hmm...?" Sherry hummed.

Her nose twitched, and her eyebrows furrowed.

"You have a strange aura about you sweetie. Did you happen to encounter a new inma somewhere?" Sherry asked.

"Yeah uh... well... I met Lilith." Michael said reluctantly.

...

Sherry pulled away from him slightly, and gave his crotch a grope.

"Nope. Liar. Who did you actually meet?" Sherry asked.

"I really did meet Lilith!" Michael insisted.

She groped him again.

"You didn't wet yourself, so I don't believe you. You must have met some innocent succubus who happened to be named Lilith." Sherry insisted.

"Druella called her mother." Michael argued.

"So she was a nun in the church of the fallen god, and her name was Lilith." Sherry insisted stubbornly.

"She had white hair, white wings, and a white tail." Michael said.

"She... she she... must have...dyed... her..." Sherry trailed off.

...

"DARN IT SWEETIE! WHY MUST YOU BE SO STRANGE?!" Sherry exclaimed.

"What?" Michael grunted, confused.

Sherry coughed and forced herself to calm down.

...

"You don't know this... but... I um... wet myself when I first came to your world." Sherry admitted reluctantly.

"WHAAAAAA?!" Michael exclaimed.

"I couldn't help it! Lilith is so powerful! I just... I just... oooooooohhhhhh! It's so embarrassing!" Sherry exclaimed.

Michael pulled away, looking at her with wide eyed shock. He had formed a mental image of what Sherry looked like when she first came to his world. It was graceful and powerful, and filled with pride as the triumphant knight began her incredible quest. And that image got shattered with the thought of piss streaming down her leg as she arrived, groveling from being bombarded by Lilith's presence.

"Druella couldn't believe I stood up to her. She insisted I had some sort of power." Michael said.

"STOOD?! I could barely stay on my KNEES!" Sherry exclaimed.

It was Sherry's turn to stand back and look at Michael with wide eyed shock.

"What in the name of the maoyu did I marry? A man... or a demi god?" Sherry wondered.

"A man." Michael said dryly.

"I think I would rather pretend you're a demi god. Maybe you'll become one when you turn into an ~incubus~" Sherry purred.

"Heh... at least I won't be bald." Michael said.

...

"Oh... I got in an argument with Druella over it. She didn't like how I reacted to her mother, even though I tried to be nice during the whole encounter." Michael said.

"NO! Say it's not true! You argued with mistress Druella!? You must return and apologize immediately!" Sherry insisted.

"Nope. I didn't do anything wrong. She started throwing all these crazy accusations at me, and called me a liar when I denied them. So I just left before my temper got out of control." Michael recounted.

Sherry shook her head side to side repeatedly.

"No. No no. No. This must be fixed." Sherry insisted.

"Maybe after she cools her heels a while. Right now she's just all stirred up, so give her a while. And frankly... I have no interest in dealing with her shit at the moment." Michael said.

So with that, he pushed past Sherry and made his way deeper into the house.

...

He found his military radio in his bedroom, and turned it on.

"White rook, is headless horseman around?" Michael said into the radio.

"Roger white rook. Headless horseman here." The radio hissed.

"I need you to get ready to pull out of town. Don't rush, just start quietly pulling up stakes. There's a political problem, and I don't want to go into details over the radio." Michael said into the radio.

"Wilco. I'll have the Blackhawk haul some cargo back to camp, and I'll get all the vehicles fueled up and ready to roll. Headless horseman clear." The radio hissed.

"White rook clear." Michael said into the radio.

He put his radio away, and turned to look at Sherry. She looked shocked.

"What is going on?!" Sherry asked.

"Like I said on the radio, there's some political problems. Druella doesn't want them here anymore." Michael said.

"But that doesn't sound right! Didn't mistress Druella offer some way for them to stay?" Sherry asked.

"Yeah. She wanted me to sign a treaty, but I didn't sign it." Michael said.

"Then let's go back and sign it immediately!" Sherry exclaimed.

"I can't. She made a mistake when drafting it. It was between Lescatie and the United States, not Lescatie and Michael Collins. I have no say over anything other than myself." Michel said.

"Bah! We basically own your country now, you should have signed it. I would have made sure it was honored." Sherry said dismissively.

She put her hands on her hips.

"What's going on today sweetie? Why are you making so many mistakes?" Sherry asked.

"I'm making mistakes? Are you kidding me? The only mistake I've made around here was lose my temper with that damn cupcake!" Michael exclaimed.

"Stop it! Stop calling mistress Druella that word! I don't like it!" Sherry exclaimed.

"Make me." Michael said flatly.

...

They were in the bedroom because Michael had left his military radio there, which meant they were right next to the bed. So Sherry gave Michael a shove and made him land butt first on the mattress.

"The first person to cum loses. Then they have to do what the other says!" Sherry insisted.

"No cheating. No spells, just sex." Michael said.

"Deal!" Sherry exclaimed.

...

~Later~

...

Michael wandered out of that room by himself with a victorious smirk written all over his face.

"Come back here you demon! I want a best six out of ten!" Sherry cried weakly.

Alistair paused in the hallway as Michael walked by. He heard Sherry's cries as Michael did the Saturday evening strut down the hall.

"Heh, it isn't just Lilith that puts Sherry on her knees." Michael quipped.

"Bloody hell..." Alistair murmured.

Sherry came stumbling out of that side room, her knees knocking together like a pair of baby rattles.

"Come back here! I got my second wind! I'll show you what a succubus can REALLY do!" Sherry cried.

"Rut ro! Time to go!" Michael exclaimed.

*ZOOM!

Michael slid out the door like a baseball player making a home run, the door slamming behind him. Sherry hobbled after him, her legs shaky on her high heeled hip boots. Alistair quietly and quickly exited the drama stage, not wanting to get involved.

...

As Michael walked the city of Lescatie to give Sherry a chance to cool her heels, he wound up walking past the Lescatie family mansion.

"I wonder how Lilith got to Lescatie so quickly? Did she teleport here? Why didn't she send reinforcements instead? Why did she leave Druella hanging out to dry?" Michael thought.

He walked on a little further, getting closer to the mansion. The front door was just a few dozen yards away.

"Isn't Lescatie a strategically valuable city? Why would Lilith risk it by allowing her daughter to rely on a bum like me? It doesn't make any sense. Even if her forces are spread thin, she could have offered at least SOMETHING to the fight. Sherry alone was enough to turn the tide." Michael thought.

He came to a halt just outside the mansion, his eyes spotting the cursed swordswoman guarding it. She was already holding her arms out, waiting for her hug.

"Alright, what could it hurt? I mean... I did save her ass several times. She could at least satisfy my curiosity. I'll just ask her." Michael thought.

...

Shortly later, Michael found himself standing before Druella herself.

"So... you calm now? Or should I leave?" Michael asked.

"It was good that we ended our conversation when we did. I said things that I have come to regret. Please forgive me my friend." Druella said.

"Apology accepted... happily. Part of the reason why I left was to avoid saying something I'd regret. So... sorry about that." Michael said.

Druella smiled and nodded, and that was the end of their argument.

"Come my friend, let us go to my study so that we may speak comfortably." Druella suggested.

"Okay, that sounds fine." Michael said.

...

So they found themselves in a lovely room with padded chairs and rows of book shelves. It was quite elegant and high dollar, and extremely comfortable. The two of them sat across from each other with a little table between them, which had tea and pieces of cake. It was there that Michael posed his question to Druella.

"The answer is quite simple. Mother and I did not see eye to eye on the capture of Lescatie. She thought it was too daring and aggressive. In fact, she was amazed I pulled it off at all." Druella explained.

"But doesn't she see the strategic value in this city?" Michael asked.

Druella scoffed.

"It is a rare day indeed when I can convince my mother to heed my words. It's as if she still sees me as a child, and not a full grown woman. My words are the words of an ignorant baby to her." Druella explained.

Michael's eyes fell.

"I know what it's like." Michael murmured.

"She said that people are more important than territory. Her belief is that the war will be won by the natural spread of the demon realm, not by the capturing of territory. She said that capturing Lescatie was a human tactic, and she does not abide by it." Druella explained.

...

"But on the other hand... all that raw demonic energy flowing through the portal has already caused her to gain victories in the war. And yet... it doesn't seem that the end is any closer than it was before. She is quite troubled." Druella explained.

"It sounds like this is a good time for you to push your point of view. If she's really troubled as you say, then she'll be looking for any angle to give her an advantage." Michael said.

"This is true." Druella said.

"Maybe you should point out that large Order army having been wiped out trying to capture Lescatie, and all that captured spirit energy is only going to help her cause. Oh and you could also say..." Michael tried to say.

"Silence." Druella said suddenly.

She placed her fingers on her chin in thought.

"Mother was quite impressed with you during your brief meeting. It seemed that she would soon invite you to the Royal Makai. If that were so... you could help me argue my case." Druella mused.

"Sure, why not. I don't mind." Michael said, shrugging.

"You don't? And why not?" Druella asked.

"It's not like I have a full schedule. Besides, it'll just be an excuse to see more cool stuff in your world, so I'm A-OK with that." Michael said cheerfully.

"Good! Then you'd best spend some time thinking about what you'll say to her." Druella said happily.

...

"I'm wondering... what is it like in the Royal Makai. Will it be hard to visit?" Michael asked.

"Why would it be hard? It's the most wonderful place on this world! I've visited many of the fantastic places in this world, but none match the Royal Makai!" Druella exclaimed.

"Really! Where have you gone?" Michael asked.

"All over the world. My travels have taken me from the exotic wilds of the Mist continent, to the beauty and majesty of Zipangu, the land of Dragonia, and the islands of Court Alf..." Druella reminisced.

"Wait what? What was that last one?" Michael asked.

"The islands of Court Alf? Have you not heard of them before?" Druella asked.

Michael shook his head side to side.

"It's a wonderful chain of islands, where man and mer live in peace. They have both a surface city, and an underwater paradise where they calmly guide men down to experience what life is like under the sea. Of course they make sure to give all visitors Poseidon's blessing first." Druella explained.

Michael continued shaking his head. He had never heard of it.

"Well, even that doesn't match the splendor of the Royal Makai in my opinion. I believe my home city is the best place in the world, where my mother's dream of unity and peace between man and inma had come true. You will love it." Druella insisted.

"But what about the air?" Michael asked.

"What about it? It's not dirty or smoky like some human cities." Druella said.

"I'm sure it isn't... but what about the demonic energy?" Michael asked.

"It makes the air seem so crisp and clean, and it makes me feel invigorated! And it makes the land have such a beautiful glow to it, like the glint of a millions of pieces of ruby and amber strewn around. It makes the food taste better, the drinks sweeter and fulfilling, and well... just everything is better!" Druella remarked.

...

"I'm human though." Michael said dryly.

"Yes, about that. When are you going to shed that pesky humanity of yours?" Druella asked.

"It'll happen when it happens I suppose." Michael said.

"It's holding you back sweetie. You could soar so high if you could shed the dead weight of what you once were. I can sense it... your raw potential..." Druella trailed off.

...

"The shackles placed upon all humans were particularly cruel to you. When I touched your soul, I could see them, all wrapped around you. Thousands of chains, binding you like a wild beast at a circus. I'm sure Searraigh saw them too, and I'm sure she weeps at the sight of it." Druella said.

"What?" Michael coughed.

"I'll show you. Just relax, I won't hurt you." Druella said softly.

*SNAP!

She snapped her fingers, and the floor underneath Michael's chair gave way. He fell... and landed with a thud in a very familiar looking dungeon. It was that special place that Druella took people to turn them into inma or incubi. The angled table he had laid on before was still prominently placed in the center of the room.

*POP!

He disappeared from the chair, and reappeared on the table, his wrists and ankles shackled firmly.

"Hey!" Michael exclaimed.

"Remember, just relax. I won't hurt you." Druella repeated.

She rounded the angled table, and propped herself up on it with her knee between his legs and her hand on his chest.

"You really need to give me a little more warning when you're doing this stuff. It's a little startling." Michael said.

"I'll keep that in mind. Now... time to dig in!" Druella said cheerfully.

"I came in here to ask about your mother, not get chest fingered!" Michael objected.

"I'm a very impulsive woman. Surely you gathered that from how Searraigh acts." Druella said cheerfully.

She pushed against him, her hand pressing tightly against his chest.

"Good boy. Just relax now, and let me have my way with you~" Druella said seductively.

"What does th...aaaaak! AAAAKKKKKKK! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu..." Michael grunted.

She gently pushed her hand into his chest, making him lay down. Her magic fingers burrowed inside, touching his spirit directly.

"Now let's see here. I don't want to hurt you... so let's get rid of an easy shackle on the surface. Here's a good one. Aaaaaand...POP!" Druella said softly.

She pulled her hand away... and she was holding some sort of glowing white chain.

"Hmm... what might this one be?" Druella wondered aloud.

"YOU MEAN IT'S AN ACTUAL FREAKING CHAIN?!" Michael exclaimed.

"Of course! Did you think we were joking? Or perhaps, leading you by a chain? Hahahaha!" Druella laughed.

She focused her attention away from Michael and her bad joke, to the ethereal chain itself.

"Hmm... it seems this one would make your feet hurt if you stood in one spot for too long." Druella said.

Michael's eyes widened.

"I seem to have hit a mark. You must have been suffering from that for a long time." Druella said.

"Yeah. I thought it was just because of my weight, but it kept happening even after I lost it all." Michael said in awe.

"Well... this is what I think of your poor aching feet." Druella said.

*TOSS

She threw the chain away, and it landed in the corner of the room. Then she placed her hand against his chest again, and burrowed her magic inside.

"Would you like to hear the story of the chains that bind?" Druella asked.

Michael nodded.

"Long long ago, before even the written history of man, there was an evil god who held hatred for humanity, and anyone who helped humanity. Her hatred was especially great for the creator of humanity. So she made a magic mirror, which would warp the image of anything reflected upon it." Druella explained.

*RIP!

She pulled her hand away, holding yet another chain.

"This one... hmm... this one gives you poor vision. It's intended to make it harder for you to study and learn, which would hamper your great intelligence." Druella said.

She tossed it aside, just like the previous one. Once again, she dove right in and kept digging.

"That magic mirror would only reflect the ugly and bad things about people, and hide the beautiful and good qualities. With her evil mirror in hand, she flew up towards the heavens, intending to use the mirror to terrorize the angels of the chief god." Druella said.

"Then what happened?" Michael asked.

"The details are fuzzy, but the story says someone attacked her and made her drop the mirror before she got half way. It plummeted to the ground, and shattered into a million pieces which were scattered to the wind." Druella said.

She paused, her eyes downturned.

"Shards of the mirror embedded themselves in nearly every human in the world, burrowing into their souls and making them become as they are today. Everyone who was smart, or skilled, or artistic, or gifted in some way or another would suffer some negative which overshadowed their ability. The smarter or more skilled they were, the more chains they received." Druella explained.

*RIP

She pulled yet another ethereal chain from his spirit.

"What's that one do?" Michael asked.

Druella hesitated, her red eyes scanning the piece of chain. Without saying a word, she tossed it aside. It hit the wall extra hard.

"It's not important. What's important is it's gone." Druella said.

"That one... would have killed him by the age of thirty five. He wouldn't have ever been able to live even a fraction of what I've already lived." Druella thought.

...

"Anyways, as I was saying. When that god saw what damaged she had caused, she laughed and laughed and laughed. She laughed at the misery she had caused. Once happy couples were driven apart. Painters lost the ability to see the beauty in nature. Craftsmen got crippled from pain in their hands. Athletes clutched their chests and fell over dead. And every baby born after that day had a piece of that mirror in their soul from the very moment they were conceived." Druella said.

"What ever happened to that god?" Michael asked.

"There was a great battle some years later, and she overthrew the chief god. In that moment... she became the chief god we have today. And to this day, she still laughs at the torment she has inflicted upon her filthy foolish humans. They worship the one who has inflicted all their miseries upon them." Druella said.

"Idiots." Michael said.

"Yes. They are quite idiotic. This foolishness is what I have had to deal with for so many years, I've ended up with some rather strange habits. Like forcing me to come into my dungeon without any warning." Druella explained.

"Yeah I get it." Michael said.

Druella reached into his chest once again, and started pulling hard on something.

"Oh! This is a big one! Hyyyyyrrrrrgggg!" Druella forced.

*RIP!

She pulled one end of the chain out of his chest, but the other end remained attached inside.

"This is a really big one! Tell me if anything hurts sweetie." Druella said.

She kept pulling, and several feet worth of chain came out. Grunting with effort, she pulled and pulled and pulled, until she had a mound of chain on the floor next to the table. Finally, after one last big tug, she removed the other end of the chain. Michael panted, relieved that it was over.

"Hah... hah... that must have been crippling whatever it was... hah..." Michael panted.

"It was. That one made you fat and ugly. Searraigh used magic to compensate for this crippling chain, but she couldn't remove it. If her magic were to have ever faded, you would have returned to as you were." Druella said.

Michael grimaced in pain and anger, his eyes tearing up. Part of him felt extreme anger over what had been done to him, and part of him felt great fear over what else could be done. All those years he had spent, his body betraying him, making him slow and tired, making him ugly so nobody would want him...

"I see it in your eyes. You finally understand the cruelty of this fate. You want to do something about it." Druella said.

Michael nodded.

"Then let me tell you the secret I've learned to get revenge against the chief god." Druella said.

She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

"It's simple. Just live your life to the fullest. Be happy, and in love, and fill your home with joy. Such things will enrage her." Druella whispered in his ear.

She kissed his other cheek, and whispered in his other ear.

"Make sure you fuck Searraigh a lot. Make lots of children. Read them books before they go to bed, and play games outside when the sun rises again. Do the things that the chains tried to keep you from doing. Thus we will have our revenge." Druella whispered.

She pulled away and looked him in the eyes.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?" Druella asked.

"Yes." Michael said softly.

Druella smiled radiantly.

"Then you've already won the first battle." Druella said.

*SNAP

She snapped her fingers, and the door to the dungeon creaked open.

"Our tea is getting cold." Druella said.

...

Once they walked outside of the dungeon, they found themselves back in Druella's study. They sat down at the table, and Michael took a sip of his tea. Despite Druella's warning, it still seemed plenty hot.

"So... does this mean all my chains are gone?" Michael asked.

Druella shook her head side to side.

"I cannot remove all of them without hurting you. When you become an incubus, the rest of your chains will be much easier to remove. Even Searraigh could rip them away, like weeds in a garden." Druella said softly.

"Well here's to hoping that happens soon." Michael said, raising his tea.

Druella smiled radiantly once again.

"I've never met someone quite like you before. Even in all my travels, never has a man raised his cup to the thought of becoming a lewd incubus." Druella said.

"What point would there be in staying human? They suck. I've lived around them long enough. I'm tired of the bullshit. At this rate, I think being around them has made me jaded." Michael said.

Michael took a drink of his tea, had a bite of cake, and smiled.

"Wouldn't it be nice to start over? I wonder what kind of person I would have been if I had never lived the life I had." Michael thought.

...

"What were humans like before the shackles?" Michael asked.

"In the ancient time before the shackles, humans were limited by nothing but their own will to strive for greater heights. They were a peaceful people, filled with wonder at the world they lived in. It was a golden time." Druella said.

...

"And after they were shackled, a dark age came which nearly resulted in their destruction at the hands of the demon lord." Druella recounted.

"Then Lilith took power and stopped it before humanity died out." Michael reasoned.

"Yes. Now the chief god is angered because we're removing the chains from the humans we capture. She hates to see their torment end. She would love nothing more than to see you suffocate under your own body's weaknesses, and never be able to reach your true potential." Druella said through gritted teeth.

...

"How come monsters weren't affected by the mirror?" Michael asked.

"You think we weren't? Foolish man. No sentient creature in the world was unaffected. It just so happens that when monsters became monster girls, we were able to shed most of the bad effects." Druella said.

"Most?" Michael asked.

"We cannot give birth to humans or incubi." Druella said.

"Ohhhh, I get it. So that's a big chain draped over all inma everywhere. And it's going to take a lot of strength to remove it." Michael reasoned.

"Exactly." Druella said.

...

Right around that time, Opal the witch made her presence known in the study. She came over and whispered in Druella's ear.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to part ways for now sweetie. My duties call." Druella said.

"Alright, well I enjoyed it while it lasted. I'll see you another time." Michael said.

"Please do. I look forward to it. Perhaps the next time, Searraigh can attend." Druella said.

And with that, Michael walked out. The heavy wooden door clicked shut behind him, leaving Druella alone with Opal.

"Did you..." Opal started to say.

"Yes. Come with me witch." Druella said.

They entered the dungeon together, and closed the door behind them. Druella waited as Opal looked at the chains without touching them.

"Four. I've never seen four removed from one person before." Opal said.

"And there are hundreds more." Druella said with an even voice.

"HUNDREDS!" Opal exclaimed.

The witch reeled in shock. At first pity filled her mind, for Michael was certainly suffering from all those shackles. Then her mind reeled in wonder, that Michael was able to function at all. Then her mind thought about the possibilities of all his abilities that were being held back.

"When he is set free, he will likely become one of the most powerful incubi to walk this land. I see it, and my mother sees it. He might even win us the war." Druella said.

She reached out and pointed towards the chains.

"Burn them." Druella commanded.

"Yes mistress." Opal said.

...

Meanwhile... outside.

"What makes Druella think that a woman who's thousands of years old will listen to a dang thing I have to say? For that matter... how old is Druella? She's the fourth daughter... and I think the MGE implied there are over a hundred daughters. She could be hundreds of years old." Michael thought.

Michael wandered the streets of Lescatie, mulling over everything that he had just learned. Already the gears were grinding away in that frightfully devilish mind of his. So consumed with his thoughts, he almost didn't notice Zellie the gremlin jump in front of him and wave her arms around.

"Hey MIKE!" Zellie shouted.

"Hmm? Oh... hey Zellie." Michael said slowly.

"What are you thinking about? I've been shouting at you for several minutes now. You even passed three naked prostitutes without even peeking." Zellie said.

Michael straightened, and whirled around. Sure enough, there were three naked succubii trailing him.

"Whoa. No kidding! Sorry ladies, I was just thinking. You're all sexy, but I'm not interested." Michael said apologetically.

"Aww..." The succubii said, pouting.

...

"So Zellie, what'd you need?" Michael asked.

"Spark plugs." Zellie said.

"Spark... AH SHIT! I forgot to put in the new damn PLUGS!" Michael exclaimed.

...

Before long, Michael found himself standing in front of his new old friend, the AMC Gremlin he had given Zellie. The hood was open, and all the plug wires were strewn everywhere. Lined up on the fender was the six spark plugs from the AMC inline six cylinder engine. Picking one up, he inspected the electrode.

"Yep... burnt to a crisp and completely gapped wrong. I meant to change them, but somehow I forgot." Michael said apologetically.

"It's fine, I just need new ones." Zellie said.

"Sure. I bought six new ones. They should have been in the car somewhere. NGK brand... GR4 if I recall correctly." Michael said.

So they dug around in the car for a while, and eventually came up with the baggy from the trunk. Just as he promised, six brand new plugs were inside.

"I read in the book that I need to do something called... gapping the plug. Could you show me that?" Zellie asked.

"Sure. Well... there's two ways to do it. Do you want me to show you the text book way of doing it, or the shade tree mechanic way of doing it?" Michael asked.

"I'd like to see your way." Zellie said.

"Okay girlie... so what you do is take this here spark plug..." Michael said.

He held up the unboxed and brand new plug. A sliver of a gap could clearly be seen between the tab and the electrode.

"And you sort of squint at it, and look at it sideways..." Michael continued.

*Hmmm

*Ehhh

*Ahhh

*ERRR

"YEP! Gapped perfectly!" Michael said cheerfully.

Zellie giggled happily.

"You're so funny~" Zellie chuckled.

"I try to be. It makes up for my lack of sunny disposition." Michael said cheerfully.

He handed her the plug, and she looked at it sideways while squinting.

"In all seriousness though, just drag a thirty thousandths feeler gauge through it if you want. These old cars don't give a hell, as long as it isn't a mile wide or touching, you'll be fine." Michael reassured.

"Thanks. Good to know." Zellie said.

So she proceeded to squint sideways at each plug, and then thread them in. The feeler gauge never saw the light of day.

"So how's the automaton project going?" Zellie asked.

"Hey... that's right. I need to get in there and work on that. It was going pretty good, but I got distracted the last day or so. Hmm... maybe I can go get my camera and edit some footage." Michael said.

"Go right on in. They know you by now." Zellie said, gesturing towards the gremlin facility.

"Right. Catch you later." Michael said.

He walked in the door of the gremlin facility, and made his way down the long ramp into the underground complex.

"What was I thinking about? Oh yeah, Lilith. I don't know why she'd want to hear what I have to say. If I do go speak on Druella's behalf, I'd better be ready." Michael thought.

...

"The best I could do is attack the situation with logic and reason. Surely someone as old as Lilith would respect that." Michael thought.

...

"That's completely jumping the gun. I don't even know how I would survive in the Royal Makai for more than a few seconds anyways. Isn't the demonic energy in the air supposed to be very thick? The last time I encountered something like that, it was like trying to breathe pea soup." Michael thought.

...

"I tried a gas mask, and that didn't help. Maybe scuba gear? That would make talking hard though, but maybe it could be done. Maybe if I wore one of those setups firefighters wear." Michael thought.

Michael rounded a corner and came up to the two doors leading to Zellie's workshop and her storage room.

"All that crap would probably be a huge distraction. I've got a problem." Michael thought.

He walked in the door to the lab, and pulled his tools out of hiding from behind some crates.

"Home away from home." Michael sighed.

*Taptap

Michael looked up, and looked towards the door. He saw the glimpse of a shadow leaving the doorway.

"Hello?" Michael called.

He went to the door, but whoever it was had already disappeared.

*Sigh

He turned around and faced the lab again.

*TAPTAP

"GAH!" Michael cried in fright.

*Taptaptap!

The warded glass case vibrated violently. Inside the case, with palms pressed against the glass... was a fully functional automaton.

"Holyshitwhatthefrack?!" Michael blurted.

She stared pleadingly at him with her crystal blue eyes. Her hands patted against the warded glass case, making it rattle. Michael froze like a deer in headlights, those eyes piercing into his very soul. There was hardly a single emotion to be found on her face, but those eyes... said volumes. She was pleading with her eyes, and the message was a resounding 'I don't like it in here, let me out!'.

...

Michael reached for the latch to the warded glass case.

"Hold on, let me get you out of there!" Michael blurted.

Michael fumbled with the latch, working on the hook so the door would pop open. It was agonizing how long it took. When he finally did get it unhooked, the door swung open and the automaton girl flopped out on top of him. They both tumbled to the ground.

"Oof! Ow... my back..." Michael grumbled.

"Scanning. Target identified. Michael Collins, male, height 74 inches, weight 210 pounds. Query: will you be my master?" The automaton asked.

Her voice was monotone, but there was a pleasant ring to it. It didn't sound synthesized at all, just a cute girl speaking without many vocal inflections.

"Ehh.. hee...aaah?" Michael stammered.

The automaton cocked her head to the side inquisitively.

"Error, I did not understand. Are your vocal processors damaged? Do you need repair?" The automaton asked.

"There's nothing wrong with my voice! When the hell did you activate?!" Michael exclaimed.

"Error, malfunction detected in chronometer. By my estimations, full activation occurred twenty two minutes and seven seconds after you last left the facility." The automaton said.

"Twenty two minutes..." Michael murmured.

"And seven seconds. Correct sir. Query: Will you be my master?" The automaton asked again.

Michael shook his head, trying to clear his head. He was just trying to comprehend how she had been trapped in that box for... he didn't even remember how many days.

"You do not want to be my master?" The automaton asked.

Once again the flash of emotion crossed her crystal blue eyes. She looked disappointed.

"Wait, that's not what I meant! I'm just trying to process all of this!" Michael blurted.

"Confirmed. Standing by." The automaton said.

She continued to wait quietly and patiently for his answer. Michael got his initial surprise under control, and worked through the situation in his head. He knew what automatons were. He knew what she was asking, and how it wasn't unusual for her kind. And he knew the automaton personality. But none of that was why he repaired her.

...

"You don't have to serve me if you don't want to. You're free to go anywhere you want." Michael said.

"I am free? I possess freedom?" The automaton asked.

"That's right. I didn't repair you so you'd be a servant. I repaired you so you could be free to choose anything you wanted to do in the world." Michael said, smiling.

"Processing. Please stand by." The automaton said.

...

"I choose... for you to be my master." The automaton said.

"But why? Why do you want to serve me so badly?" Michael asked.

The automaton tilted her head again, and opened her mouth to speak. But the words that came out were not her voice, but Michael's voice.

"Don't worry. One of these days I'll figure out how to get you working. You deserve a chance to live, and go see the world with your own eyes. I'll try my best to make it happen." The automaton parroted.

Michael's eyes went wide.

"You... could hear me?" Michael stammered.

"Yes sir. I could hear you, and see you. However, due to an error in my wiring, I was unable to power up completely. You corrected the error." The automaton said.

"Son of a bitch, I was right! Ha!" Michael cheered.

"Correct. Hypothesis: The error occurred in this unit's construction and was never remedied. Possibly the creators discontinued this model line before mass production, and the error was never discovered." The automaton theorized.

Michael nodded in agreement. Her hypothesis agreed perfectly with what he had guessed, so many days before.

"So... what's your name?" Michael asked.

"My designation is Prototype Unit 0000001. Query: Will you be my master?" Unit 0001 asked.

"She sure is persistent. I guess there isn't any harm in it. After all, the MGE made it pretty clear that automatons aren't rapey-lusty. So she won't try to steal me away like Christine did. And besides, I went to the trouble of fixing her. Why am I resisting? I should say yes right away." Michael thought.

"Yes." Michael said solemnly.

"Confirmed. Initiating authentication registration." Unit 0001 said.

Michael's eyes widened.

"Shit! I forgot about that part! If she kisses me... I'm in trouble! Sherry will know!" Michael thought.

The mechanical girl gently took Michael's hand and lifted it up towards her mouth. Her soft tongue slipped past her lips, and lewdly licked his finger. That lick soon turned into a swallow as she stuck his entire finger in her mouth.

"It's a good thing I washed my hands after fooling with that Gremlin. Now let's just hope she gets a good enough sample from my fingers, and doesn't need more data." Michael thought.

The girl sucked on his finger with machine precision, but it felt like a normal girl's mouth. If Michael hadn't have known better, it could have just as easily been Sherry's tongue crawling on his finger.

"More data required." Unit 0001 said.

"Shit!" Michael thought.

Unit 0001 leaned forward and pressed her lips against Michael's. Her tongue systematically tasted every part of his mouth bit by bit as she analyzed his bio data and stored it in her central core. Even though she was a machine, her kiss was every bit real feeling. There was no doubt in Michael's mind that the demonic energy contained in her had changed her mechanism to be real, and not just simulated real. There was no fake sensation to be found. Her kiss was warm and passionate just like what a true woman would give.

"Noooo! Resist... RESIST! I... can't... let..." Michael thought.

Michael felt the sensation of shame welling up in his heart... because the automaton was a better kisser than Sherry. The shame lasted until his body betrayed him and his brain melted into pink goo.

"Error. Body chemistry changes detected. More data required." Unit 0001 said.

She kissed him even deeper, holding the back of his head so he couldn't pull away.

...

*click...click...Click...Click...CLICK

"Sweetie? I sense you're here somewhere. Where are you?" Sherry called.

*CLICKCLICK

Sherry came around the corner, and came to a halt. Her crimson eyes landed on the duo entangled in each other's arms.

"Well! My goodness!" Sherry exclaimed.

Michael let out a muffled cry of fear, which prompted Sherry to draw her demon realm silver sword. The nanosecond that blade came out, all hell broke loose.

"Combat protocol activated." Unit 0001 said.

*pewBOOM!

The automaton raised her arm and produced a blaster, and fired a shot in Sherry's direction. Sherry let out a frightened squeak and dove back into the hallway. She was followed by several more blasts, all of which blew huge craters out of the reinforced concrete walls.

"HEY! Sweetie stop that thing!" Sherry shouted from the hallway.

Michael tried to grab Unit 0001's weapon, but it was already too late. She fired a string of blasts which ripped chunks out of an adjoining wall, which she used to create an escape route. She grabbed Michael, flung him over her shoulder, and quickly fled through the escape hole.

...

Unit 0001 blasted her way out of the gremlin facility by brute force, and made a break for daylight. Once she was free of confining walls, she ran like a cheetah in a random direction away from the facility, even taking to the rooftops to jump building to building like some sort of mechanical ninja. She ignored his repeated cries to stop.

*BOOM

Michael and Unit 0001 went flying when a magical blast detonated below them. The automaton used her body to shield Michael from most of the blast, but the impact with the ground was enough to make him see stars. That magical attack was very tightly controlled by Sherry to not permit a single hair on his head to be singed, but there was only so much she could do considering the circumstances.

"Give him to me, now! I will not tolerate insolence from a mere machine!" Sherry ordered.

Unit 0001 remained silent. Sherry raised her sword and advanced. The automaton raised her weapon once again.

"Damn it! Stop!" Michael bellowed.

Sherry's eyes were laser focused on Michael. She wanted him, her thoughts revolved around him, which meant she wasn't focusing on the battle at hand. That was a mistake.

"Are you okay sweetie?" Sherry fretted, taking a step towards him.

"LOOK OUT!" Michael bellowed.

*PEW PEW PEW!

Sherry had to dodge again, and one of the blasts winged her.

"GRRRRRRAHHHH!" Sherry raged.

*BOOM!

*ZAP

*CRASH

The two women clashed ferociously, leaping at each other like some sort of B grade fighting anime. Magic blasts, energy weapon blasts, and the clang of metal filled the courtyard.

*PlopplopplopZIIING!

*SHATTER

Chunks of cobblestone and broken window glass rained down on Michael like shrapnel. Several cuts appeared on his skin. The two women saw his wounds at the same time, and both went towards him. When they each saw the other going towards Michael, they attacked each other again. While all of this was going on, several dark knights appeared on the scene of the commotion. They drew their swords and tried to figure out who to attack.

"STAY BACK! YOU MIGHT HURT MY HUSBAND IN THE CHAOS!" Sherry cried over the din of battle.

*BOOM!

The automaton must have thought the dark knights were also a threat, because she divided her attention between Sherry and the onlookers. Everyone scattered as powerful energy weapon blasts scattered everywhere like water from a lawn sprinkler. A nearby house with a thatch roof caught fire. Windows were blown out, and people were screaming in fear. With the whole city in danger and not just Michael, Sherry raised her sword with a steel determination in her heart.

*SLASH!

*CLANG!

*PEWCLANG!

Their battle grew in intensity until Michael could no longer keep track of what was happening. It was a flurry of blows that no human could ever match. An epic inhuman battle wore on, with both parties desperate to win.

*SLASH

Unit 0001 reeled back after taking a blow to the torso from Sherry's demon realm silver sword. Everyone watched with bated breath for the automaton to collapse. Such a blow would have temporarily paralyzed any creature, either man or inma. But not an automaton.

"Error, self repair mechanism offline. Enabling self defense protocol level 2." Unit 0001 said.

*FWOOSHBOOOM!

The automaton fired a small rocket salvo from her right hand torso area, near where her ribs should have been. Sherry took the brunt of the blast, and was launched into the air. When she hit the ground, she struggled to get up.

"Owie... that hurt even me..." Sherry whimpered.

The automaton loomed over Sherry's vulnerable body and looked down on her with cold calculating eyes.

"Threat model: Red. You must be destroyed." Unit 0001 said emotionlessly.

*WHAM!

Michael rushed up from behind her and tackled her, which sent her tumbling over Sherry to the ground. In an instant she sprang back to her feet and whirled around, just in time to dodge a swing from a sword. Michael had grabbed Sherry's sword and swung it at her, which the automaton dodged easily. Then again, and again, and again.

"Error. Error. IFF error. Damage may ensue." Unit 0001 said.

She reached out and grabbed the flat of the blade and ripped it out of his hands, and tossed it away.

"IFF error resolved. Resuming." Unit 0001 said.

Michael responded by reaching into his coat to draw his Beretta 92 model S.

*ClackClack!

He blocked her path while keeping the pistol leveled on her nose.

"Scanning. Low power projectile weapon detected. Threat model: Yellow." Unit 0001 said.

"HALT!" Michael barked.

Unit 0001 froze.

"Ready." Unit 0001 said.

...

Michael blinked in confusion as the automaton stopped her assault and put away her weapon. She took a step towards him but he raised his pistol again, which had been drooping slightly in the confusion.

"Freeze, stay where you are!" Michael ordered.

The automaton stopped in mid step, her foot hovering in mid air.

"Yes master." Unit 0001 said.

"Make one more move against anyone, and I'll drill you!" Michael spat angrily.

Michael side stepped a little at a time, until he got to where Sherry was laying. All while keeping the pistol trained on his turn coat servant.

"How bad is it Sherry?" Michael asked quietly.

"It hurts sweetie. Even being a succubus cannot hide the pain." Sherry whimpered.

Michael's eyes flicked down briefly to Sherry's wounds. She had a potato chip shaped chunk of metal the size of a soup can lid jutting out of her side.

"You have shrapnel in your torso. I need to pull it out." Michael said.

He wrapped his fingers around the slippery bloody chunk.

"You need to heal yourself the moment this comes out. Understand?" Michael said firmly.

Sherry nodded, whimpering.

*SHICK

"AAAAHHHHH!" Sherry screamed.

He stabbed his fingers into the wound to plug it.

"Heal it! Heal it damn it!" Michael exclaimed.

"I... I...can't... stay... awak..." Sherry murmured.

*Sigh...

Sherry passed out.

"Son of a bitch! SOMEONE GET A HEALER! NOW!" Michael shouted.

One of the bystanders, a dark knight, answered his plea.

"We can't Lord Collins! All the healers are dealing with the fallen Order from the siege! There are none in the city!" The dark knight shouted.

"Then get me ANYONE who can close a wound!" Michael cried.

He clutched her close to his body, taking care to never pull his fingers away from her wound for even a second. It was all that was keeping her from bleeding out. He could feel her pulse underneath his fingers, he knew the wound was close to something vital.

"Sherry! Sherry wake up! You need to heal yourself!" Michael pleaded, shaking her.

"Master..." Unit 0001 started.

"Stay away! Haven't you done enough? You might have killed my wife!" Michael exclaimed angrily.

He hugged her close, keeping his fingers jabbed into her wound to stop the bleeding. The automaton quietly stepped closer, and grabbed Michael by the shirt collar.

"NO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! I WANT TO STAY WITH..." Michael cried.

*YANK

She pulled him away from Sherry, and ripped the Beretta out of his hand. The best he could do was swing his fists, bite, and kick. All of which bounced off of her effortlessly.

"IFF error. Cease and desist master." Unit 0001 said.

*Whiiiiiiiiiiine

She pointed her blaster in his face, and he froze as stiff as ice. Exactly three seconds passed.

*tick

"IFF error resolved. Resuming." Unit 0001 said.

She lowered her blaster, and turned it on Sherry.

"NO!" Michael barked.

He jumped on her once again, and she wasn't going to give him another warning.

*PEW!

It impacted his chest, and he sank to the ground. None of his limbs obeyed his commands anymore. It was as if he had all his strings cut.

"That... was... a mistake." Unit 0001 said calmly.

All Michael could see was the sky from where he fell. There was a bird circling above, and it took Michael a few moments to realize in his sorry state that it was a buzzard. He tried as hard as he could to move his arm, or turn his head, but he just couldn't do it. His whole body felt tingly, and numb.

...

"I'm sorry Sherry. I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry I ever messed with that machine. Please... forgive me." Michael thought, wincing in pain.

*SHICK!

A disgusting fleshy sound graced Michael's ears. It sounded like a blade stabbing meat.

*SHICK

*Glorpsplat

*clinkclatterclink

*Whiirrr...CLICK

*Niiiiiirrrrrrooooowwww

Michael couldn't see what was happening, but he could hear all kinds of crazy sounds. When it was all over, he saw the top of her head as she rose up away from Sherry's body. She had some sort of device deployed on her arm, but Michael couldn't make out much beyond some vague fuzzy details. It looked like a new kind of weapon, and she was aiming it directly at him.

"So first her, and now me?" Michael murmured.

"Yes." Unit 0001 said emotionlessly.

A single teardrop slid down his cheek.

"I wanted a daughter..." Michael choked.

"That comment is irrelevant." Unit 0001 said emotionlessly.

*ZAP!

...

An unknown amount of time passed for Michael. When he opened his eyes, a bright light blinded him. Something felt strange about his body, as if he were floating. There were voices in the distance, and it sounded like someone was singing. But then... the singing went away and a more familiar voice graced his ears.

"Turn that off. You're blinding the poor man."

"I'm sorry!"

"Hmm... looks like he got shot in the chest."

"What a mess. What a complete bloody mess."

Michael's vision cleared a little, and the bright light went out. Much to his surprise, the face of his good friend Alistair was hovering over him. He had a flashlight. The night sky could be seen past his friend's shoulders.

"Evening mate, how ya feelin?" Alistair asked.

"I feel terminated." Michael murmured.

Alistair glanced up towards the upper part of Michael's field of view.

"Bloody right you were terminated. At least you have your sense of humor." Alistair said.

Another face appeared in his field of view. It was Crimson, holding a damp wash cloth.

"Let me wipe that dirt off your face sir. Just a moment..." Crimson said softly.

"Don't let any water drip in his nose luv." Alistair warned.

"I won't." Crimson said.

...

"Alright. That's fantastic. Now... is there anything I can get you Mike?" Alistair asked.

"Where's Sherry?" Michael asked weakly.

"She's still alive and laying down a few meters to your right. Anything else?" Alistair asked.

...

Michael gritted his teeth.

"An RPG." Michael spat.

"Wait a minute, you don't know what's going on! Don't get into a tizzy until you hear both sides!" Alistair exclaimed.

A new face appeared in his field of view. It was the automaton, and her crystal blue eyes peered down at him curiously.

"You!" Michael spat.

"Master, a fatal error has occurred." Unit 0001 said.

"She made a mistake Mike, and she told us what happened. Don't go blowing anything up until we get this sorted!" Alistair said.

"...fine." Michael relented, growling.

"Good. Now you automaton... help us carry them home." Alistair said.

...

A bunch of time passed. Alistair and party managed to take them home, where Michael was given a chance to recover in the comfort of his own living room. Sherry's unconscious body was laid on a couch, and Michael got the chair.

"We heard something was going on, and we happened to be passing by. That's what I saw you and Searraigh laying on the ground." Crimson explained.

"Thanks. I owe you." Michael said.

He groaned, holding an ice cold coke against his forehead. His whole body felt extremely hung over. A groan came from the couch, Sherry was starting to wake up.

...

As the minutes ticked by, Michael couldn't help but notice that Sherry's wounds were gone.

"I repaired entity Searraigh." Unit 0001 suddenly said.

"That's not a lie. There were witnesses. She shot some sort of healing beam at her." Alistair interjected.

Michael opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by Sherry cutely groaning.

"Oof... I don't feel well..." Sherry murmured.

...

*GASP

Sherry gasped and sat upright instantly.

"SWEETIE WHERE ARE YOU!? OH! Oh thank goodness! You're alright!" Sherry exclaimed.

She swayed and clutched her forehead.

"Ooooohhhhh..." Sherry moaned.

"Take it easy, you lost a lot of blood." Michael said softly.

Sherry sagged against the couch, and Crimson handed her a plate of food.

"What's this?" Sherry asked.

"Liver and onions. Alistair told me to make it." Crimson said.

"It'll help you recuperate blood faster luv." Alistair said.

"I thank you." Sherry said quietly.

So Sherry quietly ate her rather unpleasant tasting snack while everyone shuffled around, uncertain what to say or do. The automaton remained motionless against one of the walls of the room, quietly watching the actions of everyone there.

"What's that look in her eyes? It's not the emotionless stare of a machine. It's... something else. Where have I seen that look before?" Michael thought.

*Click

*Scrape

Sherry cleaned off the last of her plate, and then downed a mug of lukewarm tea to get the taste of liver out of her mouth.

"There. I'm feeling much better now." Sherry said.

"That's a relief." Michael and everyone else said.

Michael got up and came over to sit next to her. She wrapped her arms around him, and they hugged each other.

"Are you okay?" Sherry asked.

Michael glanced towards the automaton, and then back to Sherry.

"No." Michael said softly.

*ClickWHIIIIIIIIIIRRRRR

The automaton was moving in an instant, her arm deploying some sort of blaster weapon. Alistair and Crimson both bailed out of the room as fast as they could, and ran out the house. But in the state they were in, all Michael or Sherry could do was hold each other close and wait for the end.

"Scanning. Damage detected in torso assembly." Unit 0001 said.

She raised the blaster device and aimed it at Michael. Sherry yelled at the automaton as the wheels began turning in Michael's aching and groggy head.

"Go away! I will destroy you if you touch him!" Sherry exclaimed.

"Error. Unable to comply. Standing down." Unit 0001 said.

She lowered her arm... and a few seconds passed. Once again she raised her arm and aimed at Michael. Her voice was just as cool and calm as ever, but just the barest hint of something strange warbled in her voice.

"Master, may I proceed?" Unit 0001 pleaded.

"Describe the device you intend to use on me. She doesn't understand." Michael said pointedly.

"This device functions as a repair device for organics. My creators fitted all automatons with this functionality starting with beta prototype unit number three." Unit 0001 explained.

"So... you just want to heal sweetie, is that it?" Sherry asked meekly.

"Correct." Unit 0001 said.

Sherry and Michael looked at each other.

"I... have heard of this." Sherry whispered.

"She already healed you. Why not let her?" Michael whispered.

"Maybe it would be okay." Sherry whispered.

...

"You may proceed." Michael said in a normal voice.

"Yes master. Thank you." Unit 0001 said.

She activated her device, and a gentle green glow emanated from the barrel. It engulfed Michael, and warmed his aching body with a healing glow. When it went away, he was feeling much better than he had before, and he wasn't suffering from any major fatigue like with Sherry's healing spell.

"You have been repaired." Unit 0001 said.

"Thank you." Sherry said.

The automaton remained silent, not returning Sherry's reluctant gesture.

...

"Why did you attack Sherry?" Michael asked.

"Is this entity designated Sherry?" Unit 0001 asked, pointing.

"My name is Searraigh Fontaine, but sweetie calls me Sherry. You may not call me Sherry." Sherry said flatly.

"Confirmed. Registering entity Searraigh to database. Tagging with Wife tag. Registration complete. It is good to meet you Entity=Searraigh." Unit 0001 said.

"A pleasure." Sherry said dryly

"Now answer the question." Michael pushed.

"I enabled combat mode to counter the threat of Entity=Searraigh. She possessed weapon=blade, threat level green. Such a weapon is capable of causing permanent damage to your chassis, master." Unit 0001 said.

"So you were protecting him. That much was obvious. Why didn't you stop when he told you to stop?" Sherry asked.

"I have analyzed recorded data from the encounter, and have formed a conclusion. Would you like a report master?" Unit 0001 asked.

"Yes please." Michael said.

"I can confirm that such commands were received and recorded. However, by entering combat mode, advanced syntax processing was disabled during combat in order to free processing cycles." Unit 0001 explained.

"What does any of that nonsense mean!?" Sherry spat.

"I understood halt, but I didn't understand stop." Unit 0001 said.

"But that's foolish! Everyone knows what stop means! It means STOP!" Sherry exclaimed, annoyed.

"Wait a minute Sherry, I think I understand what's going on here." Michael said, raising his hand.

Sherry shot him a surprised look, but fell silent.

"Now I'm no programming expert. I'm a hardware guy. But... I had to take a programming logic class in college to get my degree, and what you're saying sounds an awful lot like it. The word ~halt~ is a fundamental command in programming logic." Michael explained.

"What?" Sherry asked, confused.

"Here, I'll show you. Unit 0001, do you obey my commands?" Michael asked.

"Yes master." Unit 0001 said.

"Scratch your nose please." Michael said.

The automaton reached up and scratched her nose.

"That's enough. You can stop." Michael said.

"Yes master." Unit 0001 said.

She let her hand fall to her side.

"For the next five minutes, disable your advanced syntax processing." Michael instructed.

"Yes master. Disabling." Unit 0001 said.

...

"Unit 0001... scratch your nose." Michael said.

The automaton remained motionless.

"Unit 0001... say something." Michael said.

Again, the automaton remained motionless.

"What in the world? She was obeying you earlier. I don't understand." Sherry said.

"She will still obey me, she just doesn't understand me anymore. Her higher level language processing is disabled." Michael explained.

He cleared his throat.

"X= Scratch Nose. Y= Halt. If Entity Michael Collins = 1, then X. If Entity Michael Collins = 0, then Y." Michael said clearly.

"Ready." Unit 0001 said.

"One." Michael said.

Unit 0001 reached up and started scratching her nose.

"Zero." Michael said.

"Ready." Unit 0001 said, stopping her motions.

"One." Michael said.

Once again, the automaton began scratching her nose.

"Halt." Michael said.

"Ready." Unit 0001 said, stopping her motions.

"And there you go. That's why she stopped attacking you. I just so happened to say the right word at the right time." Michael said.

"So the magic word is halt." Sherry said.

"Ready." Unit 0001 repeated.

"Yep." Michael said, smiling.

"Why does she keep saying the word 'ready' all the time?" Sherry asked.

"Because she's indicating she's ready for further command input. It's all just like computers back home. Higher level languages always consume more processing power. She uh... has to think harder about it." Michael explained.

"But why? I don't understand this technobabble." Sherry said.

"Machines have their own language. It's not like what we're using right now, which you and I understand. Their language is what's called an instruction set, which is machine code. If they want to communicate with us, they have to use part of their brain to translate from machine code to words, so you and I can understand." Michael explained at length.

"Ohhhh, I see." Sherry said, nodding.

"Obviously her designers thought it important to maximize her ability to think while in combat, even to the point where she can't speak with us easily." Michael said.

"That seems like a foolish design choice." Sherry said.

"That is correct." Unit 0001 interjected.

Michael glanced towards the automaton, who was looking at them.

"I see five minutes has passed." Michael observed.

"Yes master. Within margin of error. My chronometer is malfunctioning." Unit 0001 said.

...

"Query: Will you destroy me now?" Unit 0001 asked.

Michael and Sherry looked at each other in surprise.

"What do you want to have happen to you?" Michael asked.

"I want to live." Unit 0001 answered immediately.

"Do you understand the difference between life and death?" Michael asked.

"Death is the snuffing out. Ceasing to be. No more happiness." Unit 0001 said.

Michael jerked in surprise at that last part. He hadn't expected a comment like that from an automaton.

"I would have been very unhappy if you had killed Sherry." Michael said darkly.

"Entity Searraigh has had protect and wife designations added to her file." Unit 0001 said.

"But do you know what the word 'wife' means?" Michael asked.

"Wife: Companion. Significant other. Mate. Lover. Missus. Little woman. The old lady." Unit 0001 ticked off.

"Hey I resent that. I am not old!" Sherry cried.

"...Wifey. One's better half. Helpmate..." Unit 0001 continued.

"Halt." Michael said, annoyed.

"Ready." Unit 0001 said.

"You know the definition, but do you know what it means when I say she is my wife?" Michael asked.

"You love her." Unit 0001 said.

"That's right. I love her with everything I have, and I don't know what I would do without her. You tried to take her away from me." Michael said.

"Sweetie..." Sherry said softly.

"Yes master, I attempted to destroy Entity=Searraigh." Unit 0001 said.

"You tried to take her away, and you tried to take away my chance to have a daughter. You tried to take away my chance to read my child books, or play with her outside, or watch her grow." Michael said.

...

"I have malfunctioned and caused harm to my master. My primary directives are to protect and serve my master. By harming master and not obeying his commands, I have failed my primary directive." Unit 0001 said.

Michael felt a twinge in his heart. She wasn't just robotically listing her failures, she seemed ashamed of what she had done. It wasn't an emotion on her face per se, it was mostly in her crystal blue eyes and in her vocal inflections.

"The logical decision would be to disable me and use my chassis for parts. That way I might still serve some useful purpose for you." Unit 0001 said.

"Oh my..." Sherry said, eyes watering.

"Please ensure that my core is completely destroyed. I do not wish to remain active in a parts bin, like I was before. I watched as centuries passed by, unable to speak or interact with the people passing my glass box." Unit 0001 said.

Sherry placed her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide in shock. Michael's face turned white.

"Oh you poor thing!" Sherry exclaimed, muffled.

"How long did you live like that!? In the glass case I mean." Michael asked.

"Error, my chronometer is damaged. By my estimations, I spent 4102.3 years in that condition. Margin of error: 0.5%" Unit 0001 said.

"Your margin of error is just about the same amount of time I've been alive." Michael muttered, shocked.

Michael fell silent, his brow furrowed as his imaginative mind thought about the implications of being trapped in a glass box for thousands of years.

"You were the first to ever speak to me directly, even though I couldn't reply. I waited 4102.3 years to find out my first action for my master would be a catastrophic error. I only wish to serve you master, and protect you forever. Please..." Unit 0001 said.

The last part, the word please, was whispered so quietly that they nearly didn't hear it. Michael stood up, and fear appeared in the corner of her eyes.

"I... need to sort through this. Stay here. Don't leave this room." Michael instructed.

"Yes master." Unit 0001 said.

...

So Michael and Sherry wound up out in the hallway, and Sherry put a sound blocking spell on the room with the automaton.

"Sweetie, what are you thinking?" Sherry opened.

"Gah! She freaking tried to kill you! But..." Michael said, grabbing his hair.

"She didn't know any better." Sherry reasoned.

He paced up and down the hallway, passing Sherry several times. All the possible angles of the hostile encounter played over and over again in his head. The more he thought about it, the more he realized all the mistakes. The initial attack was because Sherry drew her sword. Then the automaton tried to flee, carrying her master to safety. Sherry pursued, thus causing the second encounter. After that was just one long chain of misunderstandings.

...

"I... just can't. I can't do it. This wasn't an attack out of malice, it was all a bunch of mistakes that compounded on each other." Michael muttered.

...

"I would like to point out... she didn't attack me at first until I drew my weapon." Sherry noted.

Michael continued pacing up and down the hallway.

"What I want to know is... what wound did she heal on your body?" Sherry asked.

"She shot me when I attacked her trying to save you." Michael recounted.

Sherry lashed out and grabbed Michael, and pushed him against the wall. His shirt buttons went away in a flash, and she lashed out at him with her healing magic.

"Wait a minute, I'm fine!" Michael exclaimed.

...

"You... speak truthfully. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you." Sherry said quietly.

...

"My apologies, I will get you another shirt." Sherry said softly.

...

About that time, Michael noticed Alistair and Crimson peeking into the house through the front door.

"It's safe, but you two had better either stay in your room." Michael said.

They came inside, hurried up the steps, and made sure they weren't seen or heard the rest of the night.

...

A little bit later, Michael and Sherry wandered back into the room with the automaton. They both sat together, side by side on the couch.

"I demand to know why you attacked my husband." Sherry insisted.

"I did not attack master." Unit 0001 said.

"You shot me with your blaster. Don't pretend that didn't happen." Michael shot.

"Yes master, I discharged my weapon into your chest cavity. There was an IFF error that was interfering with my attempt to repair Entity=Searraigh." Unit 0001 explained.

"IFF error? Explain." Michael said.

"Identify Friend or Foe. My databases have you listed under Friend. However, you were taking actions which were hostile and could have resulted in damage to my chassis. I removed your weapons, and then stunned you with a low power discharge in order to resolve the conflict." Unit 0001 explained.

"So you DID hurt him! You directly violated your own primary directive!" Sherry exclaimed.

"Incorrect. None of those actions resulted in measurable damage to master." Unit 0001 said.

"Then what did you heal earlier?" Michael asked.

"You had several small bruises and cuts as a result of the battle between myself and Entity=Searraigh. I repaired them." Unit 0001 explained.

Both Michael and Sherry fell silent, their eyes down turning. Sherry felt guilty because it was likely her fault that he got hurt. Michael felt guilty because he had misjudged her and thought awful thoughts.

...

Neither of them could find any reason to blame the automaton for what happened.

"You will not be destroyed. You will continue to live here with us, or you could leave and explore the world on your own. You're free to choose." Michael said at long last.

"I wish to continue serving you master, for as long as I remain functioning." Unit 0001 said.

"Then... I guess it's settled." Sherry said softly.

"If you're going to stay here, we need to set some ground rules." Michael said.

"Awaiting input." Unit 0001 said.

"Don't shoot me ever again." Michael said.

"Command accepted." Unit 0001 said.

"Don't hurt my wife anymore." Michael said.

"Command accepted." Unit 0001 repeated.

"You're not allowed to use your fancy machine devices on him ever again!" Sherry blurted.

"Command rejected." Unit 0001 said.

"What?!" Michael exclaimed.

"My primary directive is to protect and serve you master. I cannot be given commands that go contrary to that directive. Furthermore, Entity=Searraigh has no command authorization." Unit 0001 said.

"But I just don't like you shooting energy at him that I don't understand. What if you make him sterile?" Sherry pouted.

"My primary directive does not allow master to be harmed or cease functioning. Despite any orders given, I must use all capabilities I possess to preserve master's life." Unit 0001 said.

...

"And my healing device is incapable of harming master's sperm count." Unit 0001 added.

"It won't make his cock shrink either... will it?" Sherry fretted.

"No." Unit 0001 said.

...

"Master, why is this entity so fixated on your reproductive system?" Unit 0001 asked.

"She's a succubus, that's just how they are." Michael said.

"If he's ever injured, ensure his beloved cock is healed first. It's important!" Sherry insisted.

"Command accepted... ~reluctantly~." Unit 0001 said, whispering the last part.

*Knockknockknock

"Hmm, I wonder who that is at the front door?" Michael murmured.

*BANGBANGBANG!

"Oh my!" Sherry exclaimed.

...

~Later~

...

Michael stood at the doorway to the Lescatie house, shrugging his shoulders and trying to keep his temper under control as three gremlins shouted at him. They weren't too terribly thrilled over having holes blasted into their facility. They demanded payment, so Michael dropped a sack of coins in their outstretched hands.

"It's been a pleasure doing business with you." Michael said dryly.

"Don't come back." A gremlin said.

"Yeah yeah, I'll come get my stuff later." Michael said.

"Don't bother. It's in a heap over there." A gremlin said.

Michael leaned out the door and looked past the girl, and sure enough all his tools and camera gear were laying on the ground in front of the house. The gremlins turned and walked away with their heads held high.

"You know, I would have made everything right if you weren't so hostile!" Michael cried.

They ignored him, and before long they walked out of sight. Sighing, Michael turned and ran face first into the automaton. She had snuck up behind him without him knowing about it.

"Master?" Unit 0001 asked.

"You caused this mess, so you can go out there and gather up all my tools. Don't break anything." Michael ordered.

"Yes master." Unit 0001 said.

The automaton turned to go through the front door, but Michael caught her arm before she went through.

"Put some clothes on first. You haven't been wearing anything this whole time." Michael said.

"Yes master." Unit 0001 repeated.

The automaton found one of Michael's t-shirts, which she pulled over her head. It was long enough and big enough that she could pull the collar clean over her shoulders, and then use the sleeves to tie together in front, thus turning the shirt into a sort of dress. After covering herself up, she immediately went outside and began gathering the tools together. Michael returned to Sherry, who was laying on a lounge chair in one of the side rooms.

"She's exceedingly powerful. Her attacks defeated both of us." Sherry said softly.

"No kidding. She ripped my Beretta right out of my hands, and then took every punch I could throw at her. It's a little terrifying." Michael said softly.

The automaton came into the room carrying a pile of equipment, which she deposited in the corner and walked out again.

"Still though... she is an inma. Even if she's an odd one, her heart is filled with demonic energy. I believe she is loyal to you, and will not make this mistake again." Sherry said softly.

"I hope so, because one way or another she's not going anywhere." Michael said softly.

The automaton came back inside with another load of gear. She placed it down next to the previous pile, and turned to face Michael.

"I have completed this task master." Unit 0001 said.

"Good. Thank you." Michael said.

A faint smile appeared in the corner of her eyes.

"You are welcome master. Please provide further input." Unit 0001 said.

"I have something to say if you don't mind." Sherry said.

She got up and went to face the automaton eye to eye.

"You fought well in our battle. It is clear you are a powerful being. Despite our conflict, I wish to be able to call you friend from now on. Would that be fine with you?" Sherry asked.

"If master permits it." Unit 0001 said.

"I permit it." Michael interjected.

"Adding friendship tag to Entity=Searraigh Fontaine." Unit 0001 said.

"Um..." Sherry said, uncertain.

"That means she's your friend now." Michael interjected.

"Splendid! I'm so glad to hear that!" Sherry cheered.

She reached out and wrapped her arms around the automaton, squeezing her with a soft and warm hug. It took a moment, but the automaton did eventually return the hug.

"What is this activity?" Unit 0001 asked.

"A hug is a sign of affection. Women often use it as a form of greeting, and it's often used between family members or good friends." Michael explained.

With that information in mind, the moment Sherry released the automaton, she immediately came over and wrapped her arms around Michael.

"Oooof... you're strong..." Michael groaned.

He hugged the automaton back, which made her squeeze just a tiny bit harder.

"You're warm." Michael observed.

"My body is designed to operate within a set temperature range for maximum efficiency." Unit 0001 said.

Michael nodded in understanding. The hug continued, with the automaton refusing to let up.

"She's soft. Soft like a woman. I don't feel metal or anything artificial under her synthetic skin. If anything, she looks doll-like and perfect. Like a life sized Barbie doll." Michael thought.

"If you two are going to hug that long, you might as well start fucking." Sherry said dryly.

"I do not have data on how long this activity must proceed to ensure maximum conveyance of friendship." Unit 0001 said, matter of fact.

"We have now exceeded that time." Michael said.

The automaton immediately removed her arms and stepped back half a step.

"Understood. New data logged for future reference." Unit 0001 said.

...

"Please provide further input." Unit 0001 said.

"What was your name again?" Sherry asked.

"My designation is Prototype Unit 0000001." Unit 0001 said.

"Well that's a dreadful name . How about we give you a new one?" Sherry asked.

"Accepting a new designation is within my programming. Please input a new designation." Unit 0001 said.

"You fixed her sweetie, so you should name her." Sherry said.

Michael paused, thinking to himself.

...

"Prototype Unit 0000001." Michael murmured.

...

"Prototype Unit 1..." Michael murmured.

...

"First one..." Michael continued.

...

"Akia. How about that? It means first born." Michael suggested.

"Ohhhh... that's cute~" Sherry cooed.

They looked towards the automaton girl, who had made no move nor showed any emotion.

"Do you like the name 'Akia'?" Michael asked.

She repeated the name to herself, as if she was testing it. She seemed pleased, and she nodded slightly.

"New designation registered. My designation is Akia. How may I serve you today master?" Akia asked.

And that was how Akia turned the duo into a trio, by nearly killing Sherry, pummeling Michael into submission, and destroying a large swath of a building. Her first official orders were to walk back to the gremlins and apologize for everything she had done, and offer to help repair their building. Not that it mattered. They sent her back immediately, with a not so pleasant message.

...

~Several Hours Later~

...

*Pomf

Michael flopped onto the bed and stretched. After such a horrible day, he just wanted to screw around and go to sleep. He dozed off, still listening to the duo of women out in the kitchen having a mild argument over who should do the dishes. Sherry had bounced back pretty quick, and she was too energetic for her own good.

"I'm getting too old for this shit." Michael grumbled.

...

"I'm 25 dumbass... I'm not old." Michael grumbled to himself.

He rolled the feather pillow over his head and tried to fall asleep.

*click

*creeeeeak

Michael felt a body sit on the bed, and slowly crawl until it was hovering next to him. Lifting the pillow off of his face, he wasn't greeted with the crimson eyes that he was expecting. Rather, it was the crystal blue eyes of his new companion.

"Please assume the position master." Akia said emotionlessly.

~Thirty Seconds Later~

Sherry looked up from the dirty dishes to see Michael walk into the room with a flailing automaton over his head.

"Please put me down master, my accelerometers are getting jitters!" Akia protested.

Michael walked right up to Sherry and plopped the dizzy machine girl feet first right in front of her.

"Stop saying weird things to my robot." Michael said flatly.

"But sweetie, I only told her about how you have needs. You are a man after all." Sherry said innocently.

Michael leaned forward and looked Sherry right in the eyes.

"Stop saying weird things to my robot." Michael repeated.

He stalked off back towards the bedroom, and they could hear him slam the door all the way from the kitchen.

"Did I have a critical error again?" Akia asked, confused.

"Sweetie suffers from some strange human morals which make no sense whatsoever. It's nothing you did." Sherry said, sighing.

"Master is suffering?!" Akia exclaimed.

She turned to march right back into that bedroom, but Sherry quickly ducked out of the kitchen and caught her shoulder.

"Now now, none of that. You simply must improve your seduction skills before attempting to bed him again." Sherry insisted.

"Please explain the purpose of seduction." Akia said.

"Oh you poor dear. You don't know about seduction?" Sherry asked, shocked.

Akia shook her head side to side.

"It's simply one of the most important things an inma could know. Seduction allows you to coax your man into having lots and lots of sex with you." Sherry explained.

"Will that make him happy?" Akia asked.

"Yes it will make him very happy, and it will show him how wonderful a servant you are." Sherry said, smiling mischievously.

"But if master would be happy by having sex, then why must he be coaxed?" Akia asked, confused.

She gestured for Akia to follow her, and the two of them started walking towards the bedroom.

"All men naturally wish to have lots of sex. Human women have denied them for so long, they're not used to the idea of being able to get it as much as inma will happily provide. So men recoil in surprise when a strange woman they don't know begins to proposition them." Sherry explained quietly.

"I understand." Akia said.

They walked quietly to the bedroom door without actually going inside.

"You stay here and listen carefully, and I'll show you how a professional does it." Sherry said quietly.

"Affirmative. Creating new algorithm. Algorithm master_seduction has been created. Please provide variables." Akia said quietly.

Sherry smiled evilly and walked quietly away from the bedroom a short distance and blew out the hallway magical lantern. Then she walked back to the bedroom while clicking her heels loudly. The heel clicking sound was part of the seduction.

*clickclickclick

"Oh sweeeeetie~" Sherry called seductively.

*creeeeeaaaak

The door opened, and Sherry made her way inside. She locked eyes with Michael on the bed, and her sultry gaze conveyed all her intent without needing a single word to be spoken. She sensually sashayed over to the bed, and leaned over really slow to give Michael a good view of her ass before she sat down. Then she slid into place next to Michael and kissed him sweetly.

"Are you ready for bed?" Michael asked.

"Almost. I need your help with something first sweetie." Sherry said.

Michael smiled.

"And what's that?" Michael asked.

"My body aches a little still, could you kiss it and make it all better?" Sherry asked seductively.

"Where does it ache?" Michael asked.

Sherry moved one of her hands between her legs, and the other to her breasts.

"My body aches here and here, so please take care of me sweetie. Gently but firmly." Sherry said in a sultry tone.

Michael smiled and slid down until he was face to face with her breasts.

*Smooch~

"There, does that feel better?" Michael asked.

"A little. Could you do it some more~?" Sherry asked seductively.

*Smoochlickpwahsuuuuuck~

"Oooohhhh... little lightning bolts are shooting through my body~" Sherry moaned.

"Oh yeah? Well let's try to up the voltage a bit." Michael said.

He slid his hand down between their bodies... and lightly touched her on-switch.

"Faaaaaackchhhh! Hah! You flicked my clit!" Sherry exclaimed, gasping.

*WOMP!

Michael found himself suddenly on his back with Sherry on top, smashing her lips against his.

"I flipped her switch with that little maneuver. She's completely lost control. This is awesome!" Michael thought.

His eyes flicked to the door of the bedroom, but it seemed closed. At least... closed enough to protect their privacy. He didn't know that Akia was still standing out there, watching everything that was happening through the door crack. So with his worries out of the way, he was able to let himself enjoy what was happening to his body.

*squish

"Ahhh hah hhhaaa!" They both cried.

"You want a baby?" Sherry asked between thrusts.

"Yeah!" Michael answered, panting.

"Then give it to me! Give me a baby! I want a baby!" Sherry cried.

Akia faded away from the doorframe after she saw penetration happen. Most of it she didn't understand, but her processor told her that learning such a complex behavior would take time, and that mastery of it should be achieved first before another attempt would be made. While cries of pleasure came from the bedroom, she stood opposite the front door and entered a watchful low power guard-mode state.

...

The Next Day

...

*Shakeshakeshake

"Sweetie, wake up!" Sherry said urgently.

She shook Michael until his eyes cracked open.

"Something's happening! Wake up!" Sherry urged

Michael was awake in an instant, reaching under his pillow for his Beretta 92 model S. The two of them got up and quietly but quickly hurried out of the bedroom. They went down the stairs, and peeked around the corner in the main hallway. Akia was near the front door, blocking someone from coming inside.

"You may not pass." Akia said flatly.

"I told you already, we're friends! I need to talk to your master right now!" Zellie cried.

"Akia! Let her in!" Michael called.

Akia immediately stepped aside, letting the little gremlin girl walk inside.

"Yes master." Akia said.

Zellie hurried inside, and Michael could see her AMC Gremlin parked outside. She looked pissed.

"I'm sorry Akia shot up your facility, please don't be mad..." Michael started.

"I'm not mad. Let's get that out of the way. I need your help!" Zellie interrupted.

"What's wrong dear?" Sherry asked.

"The chief has declared war on you, your automaton, everything you own, and I'm their first target. My whole lab got ransacked, I barely got out with my books and car." Zellie recounted.

Michael covered his face in shame, and sank heavily into a chair in the hallway.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen." Michael choked.

Sherry patted Michael on the shoulder and tried to reassure him. Meanwhile, Alistair and Crimson appeared in the hallway, drawn out of bed by the noise.

"What's going on out here?" Alistair demanded sleepily.

"We're having problems with the gremlins. They are angry over what happened yesterday." Sherry explained.

"Bloody hell." Alistair muttered.

...

*CRASH!

*SHATTER!

"EARTH MAN GO HOME!"

Michael, Sherry, Akia, and Zellie all hurried out the front door. Someone had thrown a cobble stone through the rear window of the Duster.

"Bastards! Do they have any idea how hard it is to find back glass for a '71 Duster!?" Michael spat angrily.

"I'm sorry Mike!" Zellie choked.

...

Sherry remained outside so she could shrink down and store both cars in her pocket dimension, while everyone else went back inside to the living room. Zellie was still looking pretty upset, so Michael whispered in Alistair's ear.

"You're on man. You like gremlins, well now's your chance to make a friend." Michael whispered.

Alistair nodded, and sat next to the sniffling gremlin girl.

"Hey there luv, don't cry. Everything's going to be just fine." Alistair reassured softly.

He hugged her, and she curled up next to his chest. Michael smiled, and then turned towards Akia.

"And don't you get upset either. This isn't your fault. They shouldn't be acting like this. It's on them." Michael said.

"Yes master." Akia said.

"Now I need you to go outside and gather up the solar panels in the back yard..." Michael started to say.

"NO! Don't let her go anywhere alone!" Zellie shouted.

"What? Why? Will your former friends do something to her?" Michael asked.

"Yeah. You saw what they did to her when she was on your work bench. Imagine that, but far worse!" Zellie said.

"They attached my feet to my shoulders." Akia complained, pouting.

"Alright alright, I get the picture. Hey maple, could you send Crimson with Akia?" Michael asked.

"Sure. Crimson, luv! Be a sport and help Akia, would you?" Alistair called.

"Absolutely." Crimson said.

"Master, what do I need to retrieve?" Akia asked.

"They're large rectangle things with glass fronts and metal frames, around two feet wide and three feet tall, and they have electrical wires coming out the back. I need them brought inside so the gremlins don't smash them too." Michael explained.

"This data is sufficient." Akia said.

She turned and walked out, hurrying to obey Michael's request. Crimson quickly followed behind.

"Al, you're in charge of Zellie. Anything she needs, you get it. I'm going to get us ready to leave." Michael said.

"Right-o." Alistair said cheerfully.

...

So Michael went out to check on Sherry, who was still packing away the two cars into her pocket dimension.

"When you're done with that, could you pack up all our electronics inside? Anything the gremlins might sabotage." Michael said.

"Sure thing sweetie. What are you going to do?" Sherry asked.

"I'm going to talk to Druella and see if we can't get this situation smoothed over." Michael said.

"That's a good idea. The gremlins have caused problems before, but the mistress always seemed to calm them down." Sherry said.

"That's what I thought. Anyways I'm off. Keep an eye on Akia for me please. Don't let the gremlins get to her." Michael said.

"Certainly!" Sherry said cheerfully.

...

~Much Later~

...

A trumpet sound resounded within the city of Lescatie. Sherry looked up from the video game consoles she was packing up, her eyes filled with worry.

"What's that sound?" Alistair asked.

"It's a call to arms! Druella is calling for all knights within the city!" Sherry exclaimed.

She dropped everything and drew her sword, and rushed out the door, and past Akia and Crimson just as they were walking inside with the solar panels.

"Everyone stay here! We mustn't be a bother!" Alistair exclaimed.

...

Sherry rushed to the Lescatie mansion, just like every other dark knight in the city. Her sisters in arms greeted her as they all gathered together and assembled into a cohesive fighting unit.

"Is it the Order?"

"Are we under attack?"

"What's going on?"

"I was on the wall, and we didn't see anything."

"Then maybe we're going on a campaign?"

"Maybe there's another hero in the area?"

"The last one was so much fun to toy with."

Rumors abounded in the ranks as they all waited for commands from either Druella herself, or the Earl Marshal. They didn't have to wait long to get their answers. A lone dark knight, one of Druella's honor guards, came running out of the mansion.

"Fontaine! Knight Fontaine! Come forth! Your mistress summons you!" The dark knight called.

Sherry broke rank and immediately ran straight into the mansion. Her heels clicked like mad as she rushed past the guard, rushed down the echoing hallways, and rushed into the throne room.

...

What she found when she burst through those huge double doors... was the last thing she expected to see. Michael was laying on a little sofa... holding a wash cloth full of ice to his twig and berries. Michael caught her up on the events.

...

"Someone kicked me between the legs while I was on my way to see Druella. She's completely blowing this out of proportion by calling the knights out." Michael explained through gritted teeth.

Sherry collapsed to her knees next to Michael, her eyes filling with tears.

"Sherry?" Michael questioned

Her hands reached out, and gently made him move the ice aside.

"I'll... *sniffle... heal... *chokesniff..." Sherry choked.

"I already healed him. He feels a lingering ache, thus the ice." Druella said.

Sherry's face twisted in rage and anguish, and she grabbed his shirt.

"WHO!? WHO DID IT?!" Sherry demanded.

"It was one of the gremlins! She ran up and nailed me before I could get a word in edgewise!" Michael explained.

Sherry jumped to her feet and raised her sword, which was already covered in angry flames. The windows began to rattle.

"Calm yourself Searraigh!" Druella exclaimed.

"REVENGE!" Sherry shouted.

She turned towards the door, but Druella was having none of it. Her hands of power raised up and made the doors seal.

"KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MISTRESS!" Druella boomed.

...

*Thump

Sherry kneeled and bowed her head.

"I obey." Sherry forced through gritted teeth.

"Good. That's better. You just stay down there and calm yourself, before I'm forced to throw you in the punishment pit." Druella commanded.

"Yes mistress." Sherry said obediently.

"Now... Michael... what did she look like?" Druella asked.

"I didn't get a good look at her. She had a pair of panties on her head. But I did see that she had red hair and freckles." Michael recounted.

Despite being on her knees and bowing her head, Sherry scoffed.

"Hmm... red hair and freckles. That could be any number of gremlin. What color were the panties?" Druella asked.

"Seriously?!" Michael exclaimed.

"Of course. Panties are expensive. She probably used one of her own pair. So were they white, black, embossed, lacy..." Druella asked.

"Black with lacy frills." Michael said.

"Very good. Now... are you calm yet Searraigh?" Druella asked.

"Yes mistress." Sherry said obediently.

"I would like you to escort your husband home, taking care to not let any more half pints kick him in his most precious of places. Once there, you should consider staying out of sight until I resolve this situation." Druella said.

"By your command." Sherry said.

She got back on her feet, grabbed Michael by the wrist, and immediately dragged him out of there.

...

"Stay close! Don't wander off!" Sherry ordered.

...

They soon found themselves walking down the street, and Sherry wasn't about to take any nonsense from anyone. She had her sword out, it was covered in flames, and she was pissed.

"STAY BACK! MAKE WAY! BEGONE FOOLS! TOUCH HIM AND DIE!" Sherry barked to the crowd.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Chill the frack out!" Michael exclaimed.

"SILENCE FOOL!" Sherry boomed angrily.

As they walked, Michael caught the barest glimpse of a gremlin leering at him from within the crowd lining the streets.

"Sherry I..." Michael tried to say.

"Keep walking!" Sherry urged.

...

They got back to their house safe and sound. Sherry didn't relax until they were safely behind a locked door, and Michael was sitting down in the living room with Alistair and Zellie.

"What happened out there?" Alistair asked.

"Some punk hit me with a low blow." Michael said.

"What does... wait... does that mean what I think it means?" Zellie asked.

"It does." Sherry said bitterly.

"No! Those rotten bitches!" Zellie exclaimed angrily.

"I've never heard of such a heinous crime committed by an inma." Sherry said, shaking her head.

"It's just a crotch kick. What's the big deal?" Michael asked.

"Maybe that's how it is to a human, but to inma who value sex and children above all else..." Sherry trailed off.

"It's like attempted murder times a thousand." Zellie said.

And to emphasize that point, Akia came into the room just as Zellie finished talking.

"Master, there is a crowd of people gathering outside the front door." Akia said.

...

They all went to the front door, where they found a large crowd of people gathered, listening to a dark knight make a public proclamation.

"Hear ye, hear ye! By order of Mistress Druella, a new law will now take effect! Henceforth, any mamono caught maliciously damaging a male's genitalia, or harboring such an attacker, will be sentenced to thirty years in the punishment pit!" The dark knight declared.

...

"Furthermore, any male who is victim to such an assault will be removed from the vicinity of the attacker by the honorable Dark Knights of Lescatie. Should the attacker be the wife of the male, said male will be required to obtain a new wife while the attacker is serving her thirty year sentence. All property belonging to the attacker will then belong to the male victim." The dark knight declared.

...

"And finally, the male victim will be the sole decider of whether the attacker will be permitted to return to the male's house, barring circumstances when the male was too young to remember the original attack, or if the male is mentally invalid. By decree of Mistress Druella, this law is retroactive for all previous assaults. That is all." The dark knight finished.

The crowd began to murmur. It was plainly obvious why that dark knight had made that declaration in front of Michael's house. The rumor of what had happened had spread like wildfire. The whole city was talking about it, and the native Lescastians were angry with the gremlins. The ones who were Michael's immediate neighbors, the same ones who had greeted him that one morning when they first moved in, all came up and offered their support. One of them even offered a small satchel of herbal tea which was supposed to help with pain. An offer he politely declined. Sherry spoke with the crowd while Michael retreated into the safety of the dark hallway.

"Master?" Akia asked.

"It's alright. Those people out there aren't a threat." Michael said.

"Understood master. Query: am I responsible for your injury?" Akia asked.

"Absolutely not. You're responsible for yourself. You didn't hit me with a cheap shot, that gremlin did. We've done everything we were supposed to do to make this right, and they're still picking a fight. You have zero responsibility for this. End of subject." Michael said firmly.

"Yes master. Thank you. I do not want to cause you pain, either directly or indirectly." Akia said.

Michael gave her a sideways look.

"Have I displeased you master?" Akia asked.

"You shot me." Michael said dryly.

"I used a low power blast in order to not damage you. I conveyed this information yesterday." Akia said.

"That's right, you did say that. Just... I'm curious what your full capabilities are." Michael said.

"I am equally curious what your capabilities master." Akia said.

"Fair enough. We'll talk about it, but first I need to make an important call." Michael said.

...

Akia followed Michael through the house as he went to the bedroom and retrieved his military radio. He clicked it on, and immediately heard a racket over the speaker.

"I'm telling you to rip that little shit out of there and drop kick her over the fucking wall you stupid son of a bitch! Do it!" The radio hissed.

Michael was taken aback by the string of cussing that was coming from the little speaker on the radio. Waiting for an empty spot where nobody was talking, Michael keyed up.

"White rook checking in." Michael said into the radio.

"White rook! This is headless horseman! We've got problems over here!" The radio hissed.

"What's going on?" Michael said into the radio.

"We caught one of those little squirts inside the Abrams sabotaging the radio!" The radio hissed.

"You mean the gremlins?" Michael asked into the radio.

"Yes sir. Also, we've lost two hmmwvs, and the MRAP isn't running right anymore. Orders sir?" The radio hissed.

"Pull your entire unit out of the city immediately. Withdraw to the hilltop to the east, and wait for further orders. Tow the hmmwvs if you have to." Michael said into the radio.

"Yes sir! We're moving!" The radio hissed.

The radio continued to talk as Stavish gave rapid fire orders to everyone listening, interspaced with bouts of cussing.

"That is an eight million dollar machine you're guarding soldier! If you let that little shit in there again, I'll whoop your ass strait back to Fort Polk!" The radio hissed.

"Sounds like Stavish isn't about to get caught with her pants down a second time. Alright Akia, what were we talking about before?" Michael asked.

"Capabilities, master." Akia reminded.

"Right. Come with me." Michael said.

...

So the two of them went into the living room where Alistair and Zellie were sitting. As Michael walked in, he noticed that both of them had smiles on their faces.

"That's good. They're starting to like each other's company. I hope maple man scores." Michael thought.

So Michael walked past the duo, and found himself standing in the corner of the room. He picked up his M14, and showed it to Akia.

"Scanning. High powered projectile weapon. Threat level: Black." Akia said.

"It's probably not a good idea to be going around telling people your threat analysis all the time. It's not strategically sound." Michael said.

"Yes master. Muting analysis. Please note, this information is still available upon request." Akia said.

He heard a chuckle come from the other side of the room.

"Now you've got someone calling you master? Feels bloody good, dunn'it?" Alistair suggested.

"No comment." Michael said dryly.

"Well I enjoy the occasional stroke to my ego." Alistair quipped.

"Oh, well then I'll just have to call you master. Or do you prefer I keep calling you daddy?" Zellie purred.

She slowly and casually slid her hand between his legs as she spoke.

"OKAY! So they're getting VERY friendly, VERY quickly!" Michael thought.

He caught Akia's arm and escorted her out of the room.

...

"Please describe the functionality of this weapon master.

"This is the M14 service rifle. It fires a 147 grain projectile moving at 2750 feet per second. It is gas operated, and magazine fed from a standard 20 round magazine. Maximum effective range is typically eight hundred yards, but I am capable of stretching that a little." Michael said.

"Thank you master. I would like to analyze a schematic drawing of the M14 service rifle at a later date." Akia said.

"I can do that. Now it's your turn. List your weapons systems and explain their functionality." Michael said.

"Yes master. I am equipped with two phased plasma blasters, and one armor piercing high explosive rocket pod. The phased plasma blasters are capable of discharging a bolt consisting of a magnetic bottle encapsulating superheated plasma. Intensity of the plasma discharge can be tailored to the specific target." Akia explained.

"I thought automatons were supposed to have non lethal weapons by design." Michael noted.

"Incorrect. Previous models of this type were limited in effectiveness by a design flaw in their power delivery systems. My power core is a prototype to resolve this issue." Akia explained.

"Those extra wires going to your arms... that's the fix?" Michael asked.

"Correct. However, I am capable of delivering non lethal attacks as well. I can discharge an empty magnetic bottle for a physical impact, or replace the superheated plasma with a quantity of mana for a stun effect." Akia explained.

"I want you to do that from now on. Don't use lethal weapons unless I give you permission first." Michael said instantly.

"New rule accepted. Lethal force de-authorized. Would you like me to continue?" Akia asked.

"Yes please. You said something about armor piercing rockets?" Michael asked.

"My armor piercing rockets contain a payload of high explosive laced with superheated plasma. They are capable of penetrating one meter of hot rolled steel armor plate, and have an optical, electromagnetic, and heat based guidance system. The maximum effective range is six thousand meters. Detonation occurs on impact, timed fuse, or via remote control. They cannot be configured to be non lethal." Akia explained.

"Then the obvious response is to not use them without prior authorization." Michael said flatly.

"That is not an issue master. I have expended them all." Akia explained.

"Hmmp." Michael grunted, displeased.

...

"Gonna have to find more. Those things sound awesome." Michael grumbled.

"I am not aware of the location of more rockets master." Akia said.

"That's fine. Maybe we can manufacture new ones. And stop calling me master please." Michael said.

"Error. Unable to comply. Honorific hard coded into my central core. Unable to overwrite." Akia said.

"Well... I don't know what to say about that. Whoever created you sure must have liked the word. Frankly it disturbs me." Michael said bluntly.

He sank down onto a chair in the hallway, and let out a deep sigh. Off in the distance, Michael could hear a dark knight making the proclamations like she had done in front of his house. He could also still hear people speaking with Sherry.

...

"You can sit down. There's no reason to keep standing." Michael said.

Akia slowly surveyed the hallway, and saw a couple of chairs scattered around. Evidentially they weren't good enough for her, because she squeezed into the same chair Michael was sitting in.

"Hhhey!" Michael blurted.

"This chair is superior." Akia said

"But I'm already sitting in it!" Michael exclaimed.

"There is sufficient room for two chassis." Akia said.

She slid back and made herself comfortable. Michael leaned to one side, not sure what to do with himself.

"I'm okay with Sherry doing this, but it's weird with anyone else." Michael thought.

He slipped out of under her, and let her have the chair to herself. She almost seemed upset, but the look was subtle.

"Mike! Come on back in here mate!" Alistair called.

So Michael went back into the game room, and Akia followed.

...

"Zellie wants to come back with us to Earth. Is that alright?" Alistair asked.

"Of course. I wouldn't ever say otherwise." Michael said, smiling.

"Awesome! Now you can get to see America, and during Christmas time too!" Alistair said cheerfully.

"Christmas? Uh... is it already that time already?" Michael asked.

"You forgot?" Alistair asked, surprised.

Michael glanced at his watch, and his eyes widened.

"Oh holy crap it really is just a few days away!" Michael exclaimed.

"I'd like to go home and spend Christmas with Dez and the girls. And... I'd like to introduce them to this lovely lady." Alistair said sweetly.

"Daaaaww..." Zellie said, smiling.

"Well... I don't think I'll be able to do anything. Sherry's not exactly pro religious stuff. At least not my religion." Michael said.

"That sucks." Alistair said.

"It's all just a misunderstanding though. She hates the Order, and anything that reminds her of the Order. The holy trinity has absolutely NOTHING to do with the chief god. But just my luck, she'd set the Christmas tree on fire out of spite." Michael said.

"Wow. What the fuck?" Alistair mouthed.

"Yeah. So I'll try to do something, but it probably won't be much. Maybe I can at least get her something as a gift. I'll celebrate Christmas in the privacy of my mind." Michael said dejectedly.

"Maybe you could come over to our flat?" Alistair offered.

"Thanks, but Sherry would want to come, and she'd just ruin your Christmas too." Michael said.

While this conversation was going on, Akia was absorbing every single last word and analyzing it closely.

...

"I know you two are having fun, but if Zellie is feeling better, I think we'd better pack our stuff and get the hell out of dodge." Michael said.

"Right-o! Here we go!" Alistair said cheerfully.

...

~An Hour Later~

...

Mistress Druella summoned the chieftain leader of the gremlins to her throne room, after letting her dark knights spread the word of her new law across the entirety of the city. The chieftain didn't want to come, but the royal decree forced her hand. She came with three of her gremlin followers, who were told to stay back while she walked forward to speak with Druella.

"So you came. Good. Now we can finally talk this through." Druella said.

"There's nothing to talk about. That Michael Collins and his wild experiments with a clearly defective automaton completely wrecked our facility. We want payback!" The gremlin leader insisted angrily.

"While I understand and respect your desire to receive compensation from he who did you harm, I believe that your attack upon his precious spot was going too far." Druella said.

"He deserved it. I hope he never has kids after that." The gremlin leader spat.

Druella rose up off her throne, her eyes flashing with anger. The whole room turned dark, and the windows began to rattle.

"YOU FOOL! YOUR ENTIRE CLAN WOULD BE DEAD IF NOT FOR HIM! AND HIS WIFE IS ONE OF MY KNIGHTS, WHO ALSO SPENT HER LIFE DEFENDING YOU!" Druella boomed.

The gremlin chieftain skittered back fearfully.

"If YOU have RUINED his ability to have beloved CHILDREN, you will PAY for the finest healers to come here and FIX HIM!" Druella boomed.

"We're not paying for a damn thing!" The gremlin chieftain exclaimed.

"OH YES YOU WILL! And you WILL surrender the one who kicked him! You will APOLOGIZE! And you will leave his family in PEACE, or you will NO LONGER remain here in MY CITY at MY PLEASURE!" Druella barked.

"I don't KNOW who kicked him!" The gremlin chieftain exclaimed fearfully.

"THEN FIND OUT!" Druella boomed.

...

A little while later, Druella and the gremlin chieftain found themselves at Michael's house in Lescatie. Druella knocked on the door, and they waited for someone to answer.

"What's taking so long?" Druella muttered.

*KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!

The door creaked open, and revealed the ghostly form of the maid.

"Can I help you mademoiselle?" The ghost maid asked kindly.

"Who are you? This is supposed to be the house of Lord Collins." Druella asked.

"Oui, I am monsieur Collins' maid." The ghost maid said.

"Then please inform your master that Mistress Druella would like to see him." Druella said.

The ghost maid shook her head slowly.

"Monsieur Collins is not home right now." The ghost maid said.

"Then please inform Knight Fontaine I would like to see her." Druella said.

Again the ghost maid shook her head.

"I am the only one here mademoiselle. Monsieur Collins and his guests have all left." The ghost maid explained.

"What?! Right now of all times?! Where did they go?" Druella asked.

"They didn't want to take part in any fighting, so they packed up all their things and left for a place called... Arizona." The ghost maid explained.

...

The whole city heard it when Druella shouted in frustration.

"He did it AGAIN!" Druella cried.

...

~Meanwhile~

...

"That damn saboteur did a number on this poor hmmwv." Michael said, muffled.

He was bent over the engine of one of the disabled military vehicles, on the ridge outside the city of Lescatie. It was the very same ridge that Michael had staged a sniper attack against the Order, what seemed like a lifetime ago. But that was then, and the hmmwv was the current predicament.

"We can't tow this thing all the way back to Fort Chell. We need to either fix it, or demil it." Stavish said.

"What does demil mean?" Sherry asked.

"She means destroy it so it can't be captured by potential enemies." Michael said.

"Oh." Sherry said quietly.

"Hey wait a moment! I don't want to see it destroyed! It's neat!" Zellie exclaimed.

"It's standard operating procedure, and we can't go against it. There's plenty more where this thing came from." Stavish said.

"Maybe if you asked it what's wrong..." Akia said.

"I don't want to have to ride on top of an Abrams all the way home." Alistair said.

"Would you all quit with the peanut gallery commentary and let me fix this damn thing?!" Michael exclaimed, muffled.

...

"Hey Mack! Crank it!" Michael shouted, muffled.

*WhirrWhirrWhirr

*SPCHHHHH

A squirt of pressurized diesel shot out of the engine compartment, and just barely missed splattering all over Sherry.

"HOLD IT!" Michael shouted, muffled.

The starter quit, and the sound of a ratchet clicking echoed out of the engine compartment.

...

"Sweetie, there are riders approaching from the city." Sherry warned.

"Any of them gremlins?" Michael asked, muffled.

"Yes sweetie. A great many of them." Sherry said.

"Greeeeeeat. How long do we have before they get here?" Michael asked.

"Fifteen minutes perhaps. They seem to be in a hurry." Sherry said.

...

The sound of ratcheting became frenzied as Michael hurried his work along. A few moments later, that hmmwv was sputtering to life.

"One down, one to go." Michael said.

"What was wrong with it?" Stavish asked.

"The gremlin slashed an injector line, so it wasn't making pressure to fire the injectors. Thankfully I had some high pressure line in my car, so I could cobble together a fix. Then I bled the air out of the system by cracking open each injector one by one." Michael said.

"You're pretty badass boss." Mackenzie said.

"Nah. It's nothing any old wrench couldn't do. Moving on..." Michael said.

...

"So it looks like they slashed the wiring harness in this one. Not a problem. I'll just need a couple of minutes here." Michael said.

"I'll help!" Zellie cheered.

"Thanks. You can start by stripping those wires over there and get them ready for splices." Michael said.

"The riders draw ever closer." Sherry warned.

"Thank you Sherry." Michael said dryly.

Michael hurried up, trying to get it done before the gremlins showed up.

"Hey boss? There's some sort of steam punk gyrocopter heading our way too." Mackenzie warned.

"Damn it! That's the gremlins! Okay, try cranking it!" Michael called, muffled.

*WhiiPOP!

"Nothing!" Mackenzie called.

"I think it's a bad connection to something." Stavish said.

...

"Or maybe NO connection to the batteries! Damn it! They messed up the starter cable too!" Michael exclaimed, muffled.

Michael tried crawling out of under the hmmwv to get a tool, but before he had the chance to do it... a certain familiar white haired succubus made her appearance.

*CrackleWHOOSH!

*WHAM!

Michael was so surprised by Druella's appearance on the ground next to him, he shot up and whacked his head on the frame of the hmmwv. He sank back to the ground, groaning.

"Oh my, you certainly get up quickly the moment you see me." Druella purred.

...

So that's how Michael wound up half sitting in the door of a hmmwv with an unopened COORS stuck to his forehead, while a gremlin chieftain bowed before him and apologized profusely to the next five generations of Collins.

"Ugh... you're making my headache worse. Why can't you just be happy with the money I paid to repair your place?" Michael asked.

"Money? What money?" The gremlin chieftain asked, blinking.

"I paid a lot of silver to compensate you, and I sent my automaton over to help repair the damage. Ringing any bells?" Michael asked.

...

"Who did you give this money to?" The gremlin chieftain asked.

"Was it perhaps... a red headed freckled gremlin?" Druella interjected.

...

*Crrreeeeeak

*CRUSH!

Michael crushed the unopened beer in his fist.

"YES IT WAS!" Michael exclaimed angrily.

"And would that gremlin happen to be standing here, right now?" Druella asked.

Michael's eyes raked across an array of gremlins who were all lined up before him, each one with red hair. His eyes spotted one that looked all too familiar.

"You. I remember you. You were the one who snuck into my Duster and started swapping spark plug wires around. And you were the one who took the money!" Michael exclaimed.

"And I would bet she's the one who gave you the swift kick!" The gremlin chieftain exclaimed.

Countless angry eyes turned on the red headed gremlin, who began nervously backing up. Someone lifted her skirt, and revealed a pair of black lacy panties.

"I didn't do nothin'!" The suspicious gremlin insisted.

"I've gotten sick and tired of hearing you say that! Every time you do something, you always pretend it wasn't you! Well I've had enough!" The gremlin chieftain boomed.

*WHAM!

"Oh...ohhhhhhhhhhhhh..." The suspicious gremlin groaned.

She slowly sank to the ground after receiving a swift kick to the snatch. But that wasn't the end of her punishment. The chieftain threw the misbehaving red head over her knee and started spanking her like there was no tomorrow. Out of nowhere, Zellie appeared with a standard issue USGI folding shovel, which she handed to the chieftain mid swing.

"Thanks!" The gremlin chieftain exclaimed.

*THWACK!

"Ooowie!" The suspicious gremlin wailed.

*THWACK!

*THWACKWACKWACKWACK!

When it was all over, the culprit rolled off the chieftain's knee and landed in the dirt. Her black frilly panties were perfectly framed by multiple spade shaped red marks.

"You'd better give us that money he gave you, or you'll get a lot worse than thirty years in the punishment pit!" The gremlin chieftain warned.

...

With the situation resolved to everyone's satisfaction, the gremlins returned to the city. Michael stood on the hill with Druella and all his friends, where they looked down at the city.

"This is where I saw Lescatie for the very first time." Michael said.

"What did you think when you first saw it?" Druella asked.

"Even with the battle going on, I thought it was beautiful. I saw that banner flying down there, and I knew the city hadn't fallen yet. Talk about a big relief!" Michael recalled.

He pointed, and the banner with the eye of Lilith could clearly be seen flying over the Lescatie family mansion.

"It's not my banner. I'm an American. But... does that really matter? There were families down there. Women and children. Young and old. I thought about what the Order had done to the farms on the road behind us... and... well..." Michael trailed off.

"You stood up and acted." Stavish interjected.

She bent down and pried a fired rifle casing out of the dirt. In the time since the battle, it had gotten stuck in the mud from the weather and traffic passing over it. One hundred and ninty nine other casings could be seen scattered around them on the hillside.

"Who knows... I might have fired that one first." Michael said.

The CRACK of Michael's very first gunshot echoed through Druella's memory like a haunting echo. She reached out and took the casing from Stavish... and kept it as a souvenir. She had plans of what she wanted to do with it.

"Come back with me Michael. Come back to Lescatie. You're the savior of the city, let us sing praises for you a little longer." Druella said.

Michael chuckled.

"I'm no savior, I was just doing a job. And right now, it's my job to get these soldiers home to see their families for the holidays." Michael said.

Druella gasped and took a step closer to him.

"But you'll come back... right?" Druella asked.

"Of course. There's so much to see and do, I haven't even scratched the surface. And besides... I promised to come back and have tea with you again." Michael said, smiling warmly.

Druella looked towards the soldiers standing there, and then back to Michael.

"I don't like this. Lescatie is your new home. Can't you stay a little while before heading back to the other world?" Druella asked.

"I've already stayed her a while. How long do you want?" Michael asked.

"A century or two would be nice. At minimum." Druella said.

"Um... okay. Can we pace ourselves though? Maybe break it up a little?" Michael asked meekly.

Druella sighed, defeated.

"Very well." Druella said, pouting.

And with that, Michael and party mounted their vehicles, bade farewell to Druella and Lescatie, and began the long trek back to Fort Chell.

"At least we're leaving on a good note, and not a bad one." Michael said.

...

The trip back to Fort Chell by vehicle was a long one, but they were in good company. The Blackhawk had returned to Fort Chell earlier, and none of them wanted to run the risk of it coming back and getting sabotaged by one of the gremlins still holding a grudge. So they drove home in the convoy.

"It's a good thing we got that second hmmwv running. I'd hate to have to store it in Sherry's pocket dimension. She already has the Duster and the Gremlin in there." Michael said.

Stavish shot him a look.

"I just can't get past the thought of a whole car being in between the mistress's tits." Stavish said.

"It's easy fitting something of that size in there. Now when it comes to my husband's cock, that's a different story." Sherry said, grinning knowingly.

"WHOA!" Everyone cried.

Sherry giggled at the horrified reaction Michael had on his face.

...

~Later~

...

That evening, they stopped to rest and get some chow out of the back of the MRAP. As Michael was digging around in the stash of rations for something to eat, he spotted a familiar box.

"Hey Mack! Didn't you ever mess with that radio system I gave you?" Michael called.

Mackenzie came around the corner of the MRAP.

"What was that sir? I couldn't hear you over the diesel." Mackenzie asked.

"I was asking if you ever had a chance to look at that radio gear I gave you." Michael repeated.

He shuffled out of the way as several soldiers snaked their hands into the box of MREs.

"No sir. I took one look at that receipt in the box... and decided I needed to talk to you about it, and we never did." Mackenzie explained.

"But it's the simplest thing ever. I thought you were a radioman." Michael said, confused.

"Yes sir, but I was trained to operate military radio equipment. That civilian stuff might as well be Greek to me." Mackenzie explained.

"Well crap. Okay... we need to let Fort Chell know what we're doing, so... haul that box of stuff into the hmmwv. After we get some grub, I'll go over it with you." Michael said kindly.

"Yes sir!" Mackenzie exclaimed, smiling.

She grabbed the box of goodies and balanced her MRE on top, and meandered back to the hmmwv. Michael went to grab his meal, and noticed another arm reaching in at the same time. It was Stavish. Inside the box was two MREs left. One was the Veggie Burger, and the other was Chili Mac. Stavish slowly grabbed the chili mac while looking Michael right in the eye.

"With all due respect sir... I'd do a lot of things for you. I'd take a bullet, fall on a hand grenade, and charge the enemy with an empty M4. But I won't eat the veggie burger." Stavish said.

"You're a hard woman Stavish. This is cruel and unusual punishment." Michael said.

"Blame uncle sam." Stavish said.

*YOINK!

She grabbed the chili mac and ran for her life, leaving Michael with the number two most hated MRE meal in the entire collective armed forces of the USA.

"Well... at least it isn't the veggie omelet. Or vomelet as it's called." Michael grumbled.

...

So Michael slid back into the hmmwv, where everyone was already heating their meals up with the included water activated heaters. Even Sherry was hard at it, heating up her spaghetti and meatballs. Michael was very jealous of his wife at that moment.

"Hey, if anyone doesn't want their Tabasco sauce..." Michael said pleadingly.

Everyone gave him the eye, but nobody said a peep.

*Plop

Sherry dropped her hot sauce in his lap.

"I don't care for it." Sherry said.

"Now that's the most un American thing I've ever heard." Mackenzie quipped.

"She's not an American." Michael noted.

"Yeah but... still though... the Tabasco is the only thing that makes this shit edible." Mackenzie said.

"Even the chili mac." Stavish interjected.

"Heh, yeah. On the bright side, it's not Ham and Lima Beans." Michael chuckled.

"Ham and lima beans? I don't know that one." Stavish said.

"Yeah, that kind of sounds alright." Mackenzie said.

"I wouldn't expect you guys to know that one. Not unless you somehow ended up with a Vietnam era C ration. An old Vietnam vet told me that the ham and lima beans was the least popular one back in the day. Everyone wanted the fruit and pound cake." Michael said.

...Everyone was staring at him blankly.

"Riiiight... nevermind." Michael said, shrugging.

So Michael quietly got to work heating and eating his disk of cardboard known as a veggie burger, while everyone else chatted about random things that he wasn't very interested in. Things like the Cardinals verses some other football team, or the newest smart phone to hit the market, or whatever their favorite pop singer was doing. Sherry leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"I notice you don't participate in the conversation." Sherry whispered quietly.

Michael turned and whispered back in her ear.

"I have no idea what the hell they're talking about. Do you?" Michael whispered quietly.

Sherry shook her head side to side. Stavish noticed them whispering to each other.

"Oh hey, sorry, we're leaving you out of the conversation." Stavish said apologetically.

"It's alright. I didn't have anything to contribute." Michael said kindly.

...

So they started showing each other funny pictures and memes they had saved on their phones. Of course as they were showing their phone to everyone in the hmmwv, they always managed to pass Michael up. So he gently prodded Sherry, and had her pull his digital camera out of her pocket dimension.

"I have a funny picture to show." Michael said.

"Oh yeah? Really?" Mackenzie asked, surprised.

"Yeah, just let me pull it up here... I bet you'll get a kick out of this." Michael said.

So he turned the camera around and showed everyone the screen. The hmmwv was utterly silent.

"Um... what am I looking at?" Sherry asked.

"Yeah, what is that?" Stavish asked.

"It's a variable capacitor in an old tube based ham radio that I fixed up a few years ago. See all those tin whiskers sticking off of it?" Michael explained, chuckling.

*Crickets

...

"What are tin whiskers?" Mackenzie asked.

And that's when the long winded explanation started. Michael went into all the fine details of what tin whiskers were, why they formed, why they were a problem, and then he continued on by describing everything he had done to fix up that radio in the picture. One ramble lead to another, and before he knew it, he was discussing the finer details of silver mica disease in IF transformers, the curse of old wax based capacitors, and how power transformers were a pain to find replacements. Eventually he ended his lecture on the purpose of 'getter' material in vacuum tubes.

...

And everyone's eyes were glazed over within fifteen seconds of the beginning of his explanation. Some people glared at Mackenzie for doing something dumb like ask Michael a question. When Michael finally paused and took a breath, they jumped at the opportunity to change the subject.

...

"So check out this funny cat..." A soldier said.

Michael didn't stress it. He simply smiled to himself, looked at his picture one more time fondly, and handed the camera back to Sherry so she could put it in her pocket dimension. Then he whispered very quietly into her ear.

"And that's why I usually don't participate." Michael said very softly.

"I sense sadness in your voice." Sherry whispered in his ear.

"That's not me. It's the veggie burger patty. It tastes like sadness." Michael whispered in her ear.

She chuckled lightly.

"See? That's funny. Just do that for everyone else." Sherry whispered in his ear.

Michael opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted when the hmmwv door he was leaning on decided to open.

"WHOA!" Michael exclaimed.

He nearly fell out, but a hand pushed him back inside.

"Sorry master. I was not aware the door was supporting you." Akia said.

"It's fine. Did you need something?" Michael asked.

"My hmmwv is now insufficient. I want to ride in this one." Akia said.

Everyone looked at each other in confusion.

"We're full." Stavish said.

"Yeah, there's no more room in here." Michael said.

Akia remained silent, not budging from her position.

...

"Well... I suppose I could drive. How about it buddy, mind trading rides?" Michael asked.

The soldier who had been driving the hmmwv, who Michael didn't know personally, shrugged her shoulders and crawled out the driver door with the remains of her meal. Akia took her place.

"Thank you master." Akia said.

"You're welcome." Michael said.

"How cute, she wanted to be with you." Sherry whispered in Michael's ear.

...

After finishing their meals and bagging up the trash, Mackenzie hefted up that box of radio gear and began rummaging through it.

"So what the hell is any of this stuff sir?" Mackenzie asked.

"That is a brand new Icom IC-7300, and everything you need to make an antenna." Michael explained.

"Uh huh." Mackenzie said, eyebrows furrowed.

"Let's start by unboxing the Icom, and then we'll throw an antenna up. Then we can contact Fort Chell." Michael said.

So they carefully unboxed the radio, and set it on top a couple of 40mm ammo cans.

"I saw that receipt, and I knew there was no chance in hell I'd do this myself. This damn thing cost over a thousand bucks!" Mackenzie said.

"Sure the 7300 is expensive, but it's worth it. You'll see. It's as sweet as sex." Michael said.

Sherry gave Michael a funny look.

...

Within a couple of minutes, Michael had the radio plugged into the power system of the hmmwv. He flipped through the settings like they were second nature, and soon had the radio all set up. Mackenzie watched in fascination as he went over each setting with her.

"How the heck do you know all this stuff?" Mackenzie asked.

"I've been a licensed ham radio operator for years. It wasn't hard to get in the door, just thirty bucks to take all three exams. Now I have my own little licensed playground in which to tinker." Michael explained.

"This thing has a lot of features you don't find on military radios. How much power does it put out?" Mackenzie asked.

''A hundred watts." Michael said.

"A hundred watts! I'm duly impressed. Most radios I dealt with were a lot less powerful than that, although I know of some base stations which could do about the same." Mackenzie said.

"If your radio is putting out too much power, then the enemy has an easier time listening in. That's why the military limits the power. But then again, this IC7300 can do all the way down to two watts if I recall correctly." Michael said.

He reached into the box and pulled out some random pieces and parts. A spool of speaker wire, a PVC plumbing part with holes cut in it, and a few coax cable connectors.

"Alright, now let's make the antenna." Michael said.

"Now THIS I've got to see." Mackenzie said.

"Didn't they teach you about dipole antennas when you were learning radio theory?" Michael asked.

"Sure they did." Mackenzie said.

"Well that's what we're going to make. First, you take the speaker wire and cut it to length. The formula is 468 divided by the frequency in megacycles, and it gives you the length in feet." Michael said.

"Mega...cycles? You mean megahertz?" Mackenzie asked.

"Same thing. Anyways, we're trying to operate on 14.230... so let me calculate this real quick..." Michael said.

"Thirty two point eight feet." Akia interjected.

"Thanks Akia. I'm going to make it a little longer, that way we can trim to resonance in the middle of the 20 meter band." Michael said.

"Could you show me how it's done? The military never made me make an antenna, they always issued me pre made ones." Mackenzie asked.

"It's super easy. Since this is twin lead speaker wire, I'll actually measure about half of thirty three, and then split the wires..." Michael said.

...

"And there you go. One sexy looking dipole antenna." Michael said cheerfully.

Sherry peeked over his shoulder.

"What's so sexy about it?" Sherry asked.

"You wouldn't understand. It's a nerd thing." Michael said.

He gently stroked the antenna and radio.

"Oh yeah... so sexy... I want to twiddle your knobs baby..." Michael purred.

...

There was no describing the sad jealous succubus sounds that Sherry made when those words came out of his mouth. Akia's eyes began twinkling. Everyone started laughing.

"Master likes machines~" Akia said softly.

"Sweeeeetie!" Sherry wailed.

Michael laughed as Sherry pushed him over and tried shoving her tits in his face.

"Twiddle these, not some stupid knob!" Sherry exclaimed.

...

Before long, they had that antenna strung up in a couple of trees with a coax cable hooked to it. They connected it to the 7300, and plugged the microphone in.

"And that's all there is to it. We now have worldwide comms. One hundred watts and a wire baby." Michael said cheerfully.

Several people gathered around from the other vehicles, peeking their heads in so they could watch what Michael was doing.

"White rook to Chell. Come in." Michael said over the radio.

...

"This is Chell. Glad to finally hear from you white rook." The radio hissed.

"Be aware, white rook and headless horseman, and all associated callsigns, are currently on route to your location. Our previous AO is untenable." Michael said into the radio.

"Confirmed white rook. Any further traffic?" The radio hissed.

"Will keep you advised as we progress in your direction. White rook clear." Michael said into the radio.

"Roger white rook. Chell monitoring." The radio hissed.

...

"Man... HF radios work great on this planet. The sun spots are dog shit back home right now." Michael quipped.

"VHF is shit everywhere you go." Mackenzie added.

"Yeah well, that's just the nature of the beast. VHF is great when the range is close, no further than the horizon. But when it comes to long range communication without satellites, don't even bother with anything higher in frequency than fourteen megacycles. It's just not reliable." Michael said.

And with that, he powered down the equipment and got ready to get some sleep.

...

"Rock paper scissors who gets to sleep in the hmmwv." Stavish said.

Everyone raised their fists, ready to take a crack at the premium choice in sleeping arrangements that night. Everyone but Sherry.

"Sweetie, don't sleep in here tonight." Sherry whispered in his ear.

"Why not? I don't want to have skeeters and ticks crawling all over me in the night." Michael whispered in her ear.

"Just trust me. Sleep outside." Sherry whispered in his ear.

...

"I'll pass guys. I'll sleep outside." Michael said so everyone could hear.

"You sure? You already had a shitty dinner, now you're going to bite that bullet too?" Stavish asked.

"Yeah I'm sure. You guys have fun." Michael said.

And with that, the two of them crawled out of the hmmwv with their bed rolls. They walked a little ways away from the parked vehicles, and wound up in a nice little grassy depression under a tree.

"Remind me again why I'm choosing the miserable bug filled sleeping option?" Michael asked.

"Because... there are no biting bugs here." Sherry said.

"What? No ants? No ticks? No skeeters?" Michael asked.

"None that bite people. This is a demon realm, and demon realms are meant to be paradises for all who wish to live here. You won't find scorpions, spiders, or venomous snakes either. At least... any that don't have lady bits." Sherry said, smiling.

Michael sank down to the ground and leaned against the tree, his eyebrows furrowing.

"You know... you're right. It's like a garden of eden." Michael murmured.

"Right? So there's really no point in trying to sleep in that cramped and smelly hmmwv. We can sleep out here under the stars, with fresh air and plenty of room." Sherry said cheerfully.

*FWOOSH!

She tossed her blanket onto the ground and laid on top of it, and then patted the ground next to her.

"Come now sweetie, lay next to me in the clover." Sherry said seductively.

"Alright. Let me pull my boots off first." Michael said.

So he pulled his boots off and squeezed in next to Sherry on the blanket. She wrapped an arm around him and smiled.

"We won't even need a blanket. It won't get cold tonight. It's the perfect paradise for us." Sherry said softly.

"Is this a bright green demon realm we're in?" Michael asked.

"Yes sweetie. It lays on the edge of the dark demon realm of Lescatie. It stretches nearly all the way back to Fort Chell, but not quite." Sherry explained.

"That's alright. We'll stretch it a little more. I'm starting to like this bright green demon realm business." Michael noted.

"Hmm... I agree. It is nice every so often." Sherry said, smiling.

...

"Ah! I know! When we get home, I'll cast a spell which changes the fabric of reality in our town. During the fall and winter, it will be a dark demon realm. When it's spring and summer, it will become a bright green demon realm. Does that please you my love?" Sherry asked.

"Yeah, that's a great idea if you can do it! That way we can have the best of both worlds!" Michael said enthusiastically.

"Thy will be done~" Sherry hummed.

So they cuddled close together and looked upwards towards the stars. Michael flicked his eyes around, looking at the constellations.

"This... is an alien sky. I don't know any of those stars." Michael murmured.

"That's fine sweetie, your sky was alien to me once. Now I call it home." Sherry said softly.

"Yeah." Michael said contently.

...

"So, are you going to pull out some pillows from your pocket dimension?" Michael asked.

"Nope. I already have all the pillows you need." Sherry said seductively.

She pushed her chest towards him and swayed her breasts side to side.

"What do you think? Won't they be nice and soft?" Sherry asked, grinning.

"Oh yeah~ I hope I don't sink in and suffocate." Michael quipped.

"If you do, it would be a good way to die." Sherry said teasingly.

She gently wrapped her arms around his head and pulled him in.

"That's it. You know where you need to be." Sherry purred.

*Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh...

"Thanks Sherry, you're the best." Michael said, muffled.

Her slender fingers gently stroked the top of his head.

...

Meanwhile, while Michael and Sherry got comfortable, Akia was standing in the forty mike mike turret on the MRAP. After analyzing the weapon's functionality in detail, she manned it and stood guard the whole night.

...

~Two Days Later~

...

They were getting very close to Fort Chell. The drive home had been more or less effortless, with nothing exciting happening other than a flock of harpies flying across the road just in front of their bumpers the previous day. So they drove onwards, with Akia at the wheel.

"When did you learn how to drive?" Stavish asked.

"Two days ago. I observed the driver of the other vehicle." Akia said.

"You mean to tell me you can just look at someone doing something, and then just do it perfectly yourself?" Stavish asked, surprised.

"Yes." Akia said simply.

Her eyes flicked briefly down to the steering wheel of the hmmwv, and then back up to the road.

"This mechanism is simple to operate. Observation was not strictly required." Akia added.

"Well damn it. I failed my driving test twice before I got my license." Stavish muttered.

Michael leaned down from the turret on the hmmwv, and peaked inside the cabin.

"I failed my first test too." Michael said.

"Really! How'd you fail it?" Stavish asked.

"I did two things wrong. First, I didn't turn right on a red light after stopping, and then I flubbed the parallel parking test." Michael recounted.

"That sucks. Parallel parking is one of the things I'm really good at. I swear I could parallel park an Abrams." Stavish said.

"Well I was born and raised a country boy. Parallel parking just wasn't a thing where I lived. So I never got the chance to practice." Michael explained.

"Ah~" Stavish said, nodding.

*WHAM!

The hmmwv rocked violently when the convoy ran over a pothole. Michael staggered and held onto the turret to keep his balance.

"Sweetie, why must you stand up there? It's not safe." Sherry fretted.

"It's my turn." Michael said simply.

And with that, he straightened and resumed manning the browning fifty caliber machine gun.

*POP

Sherry squeezed up in the turret with him.

"HEY! There's barely enough room up here for one of us!" Michael exclaimed.

"I know sweetie. I haven't taken a turn yet. Why can't I stand watch?" Sherry asked.

"Because you stitched a magazine's worth of 5.56 across our bedroom wall, remember? Now sit down please. You're squishing me." Michael insisted.

She sank down to her seat, her arms crossed defiantly.

"Boor." Sherry said, pouting.

"And buckle your seatbelt please." Michael said.

"HMMP!" Sherry scoffed, buckling her seatbelt.

...

It was a casual thing that Michael did, but as fate would have it... the seatbelt would save her life.

...

It all started with a radio call.

"Net call. Looks like we've got a tree across the road." The radio hissed.

Stavish leaned over and smacked Michael's knee to get his attention.

"Tree across the road! Keep your eyes open!" Stavish warned.

"Yeah!" Michael answered.

The turret traversed in little pie slices, scanning the side of the road. All those veterans of the wars in the middle east knew that an odd tree across the road obviously spelled ambush. And they weren't going to take any chances. Instead of stopping directly in front of the downed tree, they stopped a hundred yards back. The Abrams took the lead, being the most heavily armored vehicle in the convoy. The MRAP took the rear, and the hmmwvs filled out the center. When they came to a halt, one hmmwv squirted off to the left of the Abrams, and one squirted off to the right, thus providing machine gun cover for their heavy brawler. Michael, Sherry, Akia, Stavish, and Mackenzie were in the right hand hmmwv. Alistair, Zellie, Crimson, and a couple of soldiers were in the left hand hmmwv.

...

"Be aware, I'm dismounting to check the road ahead." Stavish said into the radio.

She plopped her Kevlar helmet on her head, grabbed her M4, and disembarked from the vehicle. Alone and on alert, Stavish advanced quickly one hundred yards down the road to inspect the tree.

"Why did she go alone?" Sherry asked.

"Old habits die hard. If there's an IED, it's better if it gets one person instead of a whole squad." Mackenzie explained.

"Why the frack would there be an IED in medieval France?" Michael questioned.

"Like I said sir, old habits die hard." Mackenzie said.

So Michael and the others split their attention between keeping an eye on Stavish and watching for enemies in the treeline.

...

Stavish got to the tree, and immediately called back.

"This tree was chopped down with an axe!" The radio hissed.

*TWANG

Stavish looked down. There was an arrow protruding from the chest plate of her ballistic vest. Raising her rifle, she turned and fired three rounds up in the direction of the forest the arrow had come from. At the same time, the left hand hmmwv opened up on targets that Michael couldn't see.

"Order coming out of the treeline! Nine o'clock!" The radio hissed.

*BOOM!

Michael's world spun as a powerful magical explosion detonated on the Abrams, which caused the hmmwv to roll completely over. He was flung clear of the vehicle, and landed in a gully full of rocks. Everyone inside the hmmwv spun around like marbles in a tin can, with ammo and field gear rolling around and hitting people.

"GAAAAAH!" Michael cried angrily

He was battered and bruised, confused, and his heart was pounding a million miles an hour. Stumbling towards the overturned hmmwv, he grabbed the upside down door handle closest to the Abrams and ripped the door open. An arrow clattered off the upside down wheel.

"Give me a weapon! Give me a fracking weapon!" Michael shouted.

The butt of an M4 appeared in the door, and he took it. Meanwhile, Sherry was busy trying to untangle herself from the seatbelt that had saved her life.

*BANG

*BANGBANG

*BANG

Michael carefully picked his targets, making best use of that thirty round magazine that was already in the rifle. The Order came charging out of the three o'clock tree line with their weapons held high, and a battle cry on their lips.

*CRABOOOOOOOSH!

The Abrams rocked when another magical blast detonated on the hull. Molten metal dripped to the ground and splattered every which way, including towards Michael. The tank was still in commission, but it had an ugly scar where it had been hit. With new burns to compliment his bruises, Michael reached inside the hmmwv desperately.

"Magazine!" Michael shouted.

Mackenzie was in bad shape, with blood coming out of her ears, mouth, and nose. Her body was sitting in an odd position, and her hands were shaking violently.

"I'm not good. I'm not good. Ohhh... I'm not good..." Mackenzie moaned.

"Just stay down Mack! We'll get you out of here! Just stay down!" Michael shouted.

"I think my...bb.b.. back... back is broke..." Mackenzie moaned.

Michael reached in and pulled a magazine out of her load bearing vest.

*SMACK

*RACK

*BANGBANGBANG!

Sherry paused her attempts to jump out of the vehicle to place a healing hand on the Mackenzie's breast. She poured just enough magic in to keep her alive, and then proceeded to kick her way out the door. Akia on the other hand, who was closest to the original detonation, was hanging from her seat belt like a limp fish, her driver door jammed into the ground.

*KICK

*KICK!

*CREEEEAK

Sherry forced her way out of the hmmwv with brute force, and crawled out.

*RAAAAAAAAA!

An Order berserker came charging around the overturned hmmwv with a greatsword in his hands. He took three rounds to the chest from the M4, but he kept right on coming. Sherry lashed out with her sword, and cut him down.

"I'm here sweetie! Keep fighting!" Sherry cried.

Meanwhile, a hundred yards down the road, Stavish was hiding in a ditch and returning fire as best she could. She could see what happened to the hmmwv, but wasn't able to do anything about that berserker when it happened. But the lancer and foot solder that followed the berserker... she cut them down with laser accurate rifle fire.

*WUMPWUMPWUMPWUMP

*CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACK!

The forty mike mike on the MRAP opened up towards the three o'clock tree line, supporting the overturned hmmwv. On the left side of the Abrams, the last remaining undamaged hmmwv was firing a continuous stream of fifty caliber rounds into the tree line, and completely shredding anyone who dared come close. Alistair had his M4 stuck out the window, and he was fighting right alongside everyone else, even though he looked scared out of his mind. One of the Order managed to get right up next to the left hand hmmwv, and Alistair blew his head off with a burst from the M4, splattering him and his rifle with grey matter.

...

Michael leaned inside the overturned hmmwv again to snag another magazine for the M4. Mackenzie was just barely conscious.

"...Should've worn the fucking seat belt." Mackenzie shuddered.

"Just stay still Mack. Stay down and stay still." Michael said.

He drew her M9, and shoved it in her hand. She gripped it loosely.

"That's for the Order, not you!" Michael said.

She weakly laughed, which was followed by a fit of coughing. Michael glanced briefly towards the unmoving automaton, before returning to the fight at hand. A third magical blast detonated near the overturned hmmwv, and showered them with flaming dirt and debris. Sherry sent a magical blast towards the treeline, and blew up a half dozen trees.

...

Their position was untenable. There were too many Order, and they were too close, and the overturned hmmwv provided little cover for magical attacks. But Michael stayed, doing his best to protect the wounded Mackenzie. An Order knight managed to get around the hmmwv in a way that Sherry couldn't stop, and it was up to Michael to fight hand to hand. He managed to stop a sword slash by using the M4 as a shield, but it broke the hardened aluminum receiver. The very last thing he did with it was break the stock and buffer tube over that knight's head.

"Sherry! SHERRY!" Michael shouted.

She was too busy dealing with Order knights coming around the hmmwv on the other side. Michael was on his own. He drew his Beretta.

*POP

*POP POP

Whatever shit the Order soldiers were strung out on was enough to make that Order soldier take a half dozen nine millimeters to the chest without slowing down. Just before he could land a blow against Michael, a glowing bolt of energy flew out of the hmmwv and hit him in the chest. He staggered, stunned briefly. Akia had finally rebooted.

"Master! Request permission to..." Akia tried to say.

"Lethal force authorized!" Michael blurted.

*PEW

*PEW PEW

She fired three times, and blew three soup can sized holes in the man. He sank to the ground, quite dead. Akia pivoted in the overturned hmmwv's door, and killed the knights Sherry was struggling with. Michael helped drag her out of the hmmwv, and was shocked to see Mackenzie crawling out right behind her.

"I'm okay boss! She shot some sort of green light at me, and I'm fine!" Mackenzie explained.

"Good job Akia!" Michael praised.

"Thank you master." Akia said, smiling with her eyes.

"I found another M4! Here!" Mackenzie said.

...

He turned towards the MRAP, which was still firing into the treeline both to the rear and to the side. He waved his arm in the air, and he saw an arm wave back. Then Michael made chopping gestures towards Stavish, who was still pinned down a hundred yards down the road. The whine of the MRAP diesel engine sped up, and they began moving to pick up the wayward dullahan.

"Can you run Mack?" Michael asked.

"Yeah!" Mackenzie answered.

"Then go for the other hummer! Move!" Michael ordered.

Mackenzie was off like a shot, ducking and running past the scalding hot exhaust of the Abrams, and to the safety of the other hmmwv. Sherry and Akia waited until they saw Stavish jump into the MRAP, and then they too ran for the rear of the Abrams. Michael was last, because he hesitated just long enough to grab a radio out of the overturned hmmwv.

"Pop smoke and retreat two hundred yards in sixty seconds!" Michael ordered over the radio.

"Sweetie hurry up! We're exposed here!" Sherry urged.

He hurried over to the other hmmwv. When they got there, they discovered that the thing was full up. There was no room left. Only Mackenzie and Sherry could fit. The rig already had Alistair, Zellie, Crimson, and several soldiers crammed inside. All of whom were looking at him, expecting him to do something.

"Driver! As soon as the Abrams lets loose with the smoke, pull back two hundred yards!" Michael shouted over the din.

"What about you?!" Sherry asked.

"Abrams!" Michael said.

*SLAM

He slammed the door and turned back to the main battle tank, which was just beginning to fire smoke. Akia followed him.

"C'mon girl, and don't get run over by the treads!" Michael warned.

"Yes master!" Akia said.

They got up next to the Abrams, and prepared themselves for the retreat.

"Two hundred yard dash! Get ready! Here we go!" Michael exclaimed.

The Abrams began rolling backwards, and the duo did their best to stay out of its way while using it for cover. Magical blasts flew every which way, targeting both the Abrams and the smaller vehicles. The MRAP rocked, having been grazed by a fireball. The smoke was already filling the area, and Michael was having a little trouble breathing. As they moved backwards, the tank picked up more and more speed, to the point that Michael and Akia were flat out running to keep up. Before long, Michael started falling behind, so he did the one last thing he could think of doing. He jumped and grabbed for one of the few handholds on the side of the tank. The road wheels spun round and round just below his boots, threatening to rip a leg off if his foot went somewhere it wasn't supposed to go. Akia on the other hand happily ran alongside with no problem at all.

...

They got to the retreat point, and the tank finally came to a halt. Michael climbed up on top, and banged on the hatch with the butt of the M4.

"Michael Collins! Open up you asshole! We're not done here!" Michael shouted.

The hatch opened, and he slipped inside.

"I said fall back two hundred yards, I didn't say doing it at full throttle! I can only run so damn fast you asshole!" Michael exclaimed.

"Sorry sir! What do you need us to do?" The tanker asked.

"What do you think? Blow those bastards to kingdom come!" Michael exclaimed.

He felt a tap on his shoulder, and he looked up to see Akia on top of the turret.

"They're swarming the damaged hmmwv." Akia said.

"Gunner, aim for the hmmwv! " Michael ordered.

"My optics are all jacked up, could someone poke their head out and get us aimed right?" The gunner said.

Michael poked his head out the turret.

"Traverse right. Traverse right. Down a little. Okay buddy, you're there." Michael said.

"I can just barely see the hmmwv through what's left of the sight. Permission to fire?" The gunner asked.

Michael did one last check to make sure nobody was left behind. All vehicles were accounted for.

"FIRE!" Michael ordered.

*BOOM

*Niiiiiiiiiiiirrrrroooowwwwww

*CRAAAAAAAACK!

The hmmwv, and all the Order knights swarming it, disappeared in a bright flash.

...

The Order retreated after that high explosive shell. It was just too much for them. They didn't even bother gathering up their dead, they just hopped on some horses they had hidden in the woods and galloped away. A little while later, the Abrams cleared the road by ramming the fallen tree at top speed. In the end, they had no casualties. Mackenzie had been the worst injury, because she hadn't been wearing her seatbelt when the hmmwv rolled. Sherry had been wearing her belt, which is why she got through it mostly unscathed. Akia had been disabled from the blast, but suffered no long term damage after rebooting. Michael marveled at how tough she was.

...

~Later~

...

The convoy finally arrived at Fort Chell. They drove up slowly, and Michael stuck his head out the window. On the side of the road was a massive crater from where an artillery or mortar shell had detonated. There was also blood, and a pair of dead horses.

"Looks like the Order took a crack at Fort Chell, and paid the price for it." Michael said.

"Good. Let them throw themselves at our weapons. I hope they all die." Sherry spat.

"That we can oblige." Stavish said.

"After what they did to me, I might just pick up a heavy weapons qualification." Mackenzie said angrily.

Michael reached over and patted her on the shoulder.

"I'm right there with you Mack." Michael said softly.

...

They pulled up to a makeshift concertina wire gate, and two guards popped out of fox holes. They went to the driver door, and Stavish rolled the window down.

"White rook and unit." Stavish said.

"Alright. We'll need to check first. The Order likes to kidnap drivers and force them to drive in." The guard explained.

The guards looked in all the windows, mounted the Abrams and looked inside, and checked the MRAP. There were a couple questions about Akia and Zellie, but other than that they were allowed to pass. They drove up to the motor pool, and let their engines finally fall silent. Everyone dismounted.

"Thank god, we made it."

"Good thing too. The Abrams is just about out of fuel."

"That damn thing sucks through JP8 faster than Mackenzie sucks down big macs."

"Hey!"

"Point eight six miles to the gallon? Point eight six miles to the big mac."

"Seriously, quit it!"

"C'mon guys, leave her alone. She was wounded. Let's just go to that fifties diner and call it good."

"Hooah!" Everyone said.

...

The moment everyone was out of the vehicles, a mob of Fort Chell soldiers descended on the vehicles and began moving them around. The Abrams immediately went back into service on the fort defenses, as did the MRAP and hmmwv. Although the motor pool guys broke into tears when they saw the massive amount of damage on the Abrams. The tank was lucky to be still functional.

...

"What's going on around here?" Michael asked.

"We're short on everything sir. The Order has been harassing us for days. We need to shore up our defenses." A soldier explained.

"What are you short on?" Michael asked.

"Everything sir. All ammo. We didn't have much to begin with." The soldier said.

"Don't forget, this is all the stuff we brought with us when we turned into inma." Stavish reminded.

"Yeah boss, we weren't exactly trying to steal anything when we left, we just happened to be carrying it or driving it when we transformed." Mackenzie said.

"The only stuff we've directly taken from the Army was the stuff from the guys who assaulted your apartment and the theater." Stavish explained.

"Right. I've got the picture now. I'll see what I can do. But for now, we're beat to hell." Michael said.

The whole group marched through the portal, and found themselves back home safe and sound.

"Before we go to that burger joint, I'm buying food for everyone that's been guarding Fort Chell." Michael said, determined.

"Hooah sir!" Stavish exclaimed, smiling.

"You're the best CO we've ever had!" Mackenzie proclaimed.

One of the motor pool guys snapped a picture of the gaping hole in the side of the Abrams, and sent a copy to Michael's email.

...

~Later~

...

Michael and party all found themselves walking into the diner that Sherry and he so often visited in the past. It was a little hard getting enough tables and booths for everyone, but the waitresses figured it out. Michael finished speaking on a borrowed cell phone.

"Alright, it's done. Food's on its way to Fort Chell." Michael said.

"That was quick. What'd you do?" Stavish asked.

"Well... I know this guy who's a regular down at the VFW. We met when I was over there installing a water heater for those guys, and we've trading tools to fix each other's car ever since. Old Vietnam vet, served in the Marines. He's the one who told me about Ham and Lima Beans. Anyhoo, he's on his way with enough steak and cole slaw to feed an army." Michael quipped.

"That's awesome sir." Stavish said.

"Yeah, that's really cool." Mackenzie said.

"Don't thank me, thank him. He's the one going to all the trouble, and Sherry's the one paying for all the supplies." Michael said, shrugging.

"I treat my knights as I expect to be treated. Very well." Sherry said.

The soldiers chuckled.

"What? I am quite proud of all you knights! You have served my house quite honorably!" Sherry exclaimed, perplexed.

Michael chuckled.

"It's because you keep calling them knights, like some sort of dollar store King Arthur." Michael said.

"We're soldiers in the U.S. Army. Not knights." Stavish said.

"And we're not even really doing this for you. Sure you're the mistress, and we'll do what you say, but we're doing this because of Michael." Mackenzie said.

"He actually understands us, and gives a shit about us, unlike most people these days." Stavish said.

There was a chorus of agreement from the various soldiers in the diner.

"Sorry if that was a little blunt, but that's how we feel." Stavish said.

"I don't mind. I'm just grateful you're here to help us in our time of need. Whether you do it for me, or do it for my husband, it matters not. Each of us must find our reasons to continue onward." Sherry said.

"Onward, to victory and bacon!" Michael cheered.

"And beer!" Stavish added.

...

So the bouncy waitress brought out piles and piles of burgers, fries, hot wings, phili cheese steak sandwiches, and gallons of milkshakes and soda. Everyone had a good time, with smiles on everyone's faces. All except... for Akia.

"Is something wrong? You look unhappy." Mackenzie asked.

"I am functioning." Akia said simply.

"Um... okay?" Mackenzie said, uncertain.

"She's an automaton. I'm not even entirely sure she can eat, even if she wanted to." Michael said.

"I am capable of processing organic matter." Akia said.

"So why didn't you order something? We'd like you to join us." Michael asked.

"I was forgotten." Akia said.

Everyone paused their meals, looking at the automaton in surprise.

"You're... you... wait a minute... why didn't you speak up?" Michael asked.

"I was not aware such actions were permitted." Akia said.

Michael immediately flagged down the waitress.

"Excuse me, but could I add something to the order? I'd like a mushroom swiss with french fries brought out please." Michael said.

"Yes sir, coming right up." The bouncy waitress said.

...

"There you go Akia. Now you can join in on the party. I hope you like what I got you." Michael said kindly.

"Thank you master. I am sure Item:Mushroom Swiss with French Fries will serve as sufficient fuel for my micro fusion core." Akia said.

"Her what?" Stavish said.

"I suppose she can break down anything she consumes and use it as fuel, just like we do. It makes sense. How else would she power herself? Plug into a medieval electrical socket?" Michael said, smiling.

"I can do that too, but only if the electrical source is current limited." Akia said.

"What happens if it isn't?" Sherry asked.

"My primary power core would overload, and I would have to switch to reserve power in order to prevent damage." Akia explained.

"Oh yeah, I read about that in the MGE." Michael said, nodding.

"Currently, I am on reserve power." Akia said.

"Wait WHAT?!" Michael blurted.

"My core depleted its fuel reserve two thousand nine hundred and five years ago. Currently my reserve power core has two percent power remaining." Akia said.

"Oh frack! What do we do about it!? How long do you have left?" Michael blubbered.

"Estimated time remaining until full power failure... two hundred and two point three years." Akia said.

"Well that's not so bad. We've got time." Michael said, breathing a sigh of relief.

...

Shortly later, the bouncy waitress appeared with Akia's mushroom swiss burger. She carefully picked it up, and took a bite.

...

"Well?" Michael asked.

"Full power core functionality restored." Akia said.

"THAT EASILY?!" Michael exclaimed.

"As predicted, this Item:Mushroom Swiss with French Fries is a sufficient fuel source. Please remember master, I was unable to move or speak while in my glass case. Nobody gave me fuel." Akia said.

"Oh..." Michael said meekly, wincing at the obvious.

"My main power core is now recharging my reserve power source. Estimated time to completion... five minutes." Akia said.

...

"...got all worked up over nothing..." Michael grumbled.

The whole table began laughing again, and someone patted Michael on the shoulder. Perhaps it was nothing, but it meant something that he showed concern for Akia's well being.

...

After they all bade each other farewell, the trio all piled into Michael's Duster. Sherry had to use magic to dispose of the remains of the broken rear window, but other than that it was smooth sailing. Akia sat in the rear while Sherry sat up front in the passenger seat.

"Brrrrr... it's cold." Michael shivered.

"Is it? I can't tell." Sherry said.

"It is. No rear window in the middle of winter? This sucks." Michael grumbled.

"The other side was so warm and pleasant. Do you wish to return to Lescatie?" Sherry asked.

"Hard pass. Maybe we worked things out with the gremlins, but I still want things to calm down." Michael said.

"Speaking of... Zellie went with Alistair, but I don't know what's taking those two so long. It's good to see that things are finally moving, but it's taking far too long." Sherry said.

"Taking too long? Are you kidding?" Michael asked.

"I do not jest. Any inma worth her salt would have pushed over the man she loves and screwed him right away. But those two just talk, and talk, and talk some more." Sherry said, pouting.

"Look, I'm just glad they got through that skirmish safely. Poor maple man looked shell shocked from all the excitement." Michael said.

"He shall recover. I sense it. He has strength within his heart." Sherry said.

"And what about Zellie and Crimson?" Michael questioned.

"They too looked shocked, but they are inma. They will recover." Sherry said confidently.

"To be fair... I warned him." Michael said.

"Yes sweetie, he knew exactly what he was getting into. And I believe that given the chance, he will return with head held high." Sherry said.

"And M4 fully loaded. He's no idiot." Michael said.

...

They drove down the road a ways.

...

"MASTER! STOP!" Akia cried.

Michael brought the Duster to a halt on the side of the road. Akia had her nose plastered to the right side rear passenger window.

"What is she looking at?" Michael asked, craning his neck.

"It's a playground." Sherry observed.

Michael twisted around in his seat and watched Akia. For the very first time since she first activated... he saw a faint smile. It wasn't just her eyes anymore, it was her mouth too.

"Do you like children Akia?" Michael asked.

"I wish to learn more about them. They start out so small, and increase in height and mass until they reach similar proportions to humans. Why don't humans start out at full size?" Akia asked.

"I don't know. It's just the way we are. I'm no doctor, I'm an electronics technician." Michael said.

"It's the miracle of life." Sherry said.

"The miracle of life?" Akia questioned.

Her crystal blue eyes searched among the children for any clues to the miracle of life, but none were made apparent.

"I am incapable of replicating this miracle of life. This observation serves no further purpose. Please continue on master." Akia said.

So Michael threw the Duster in gear and got them rolling again.

...

~Shortly Later~

...

Michael pulled the Duster down a side road, and into the grocery store parking lot. He parked, and the engine sputtered silent.

"Why are we stopping here sweetie? We have plenty of groceries at the apartment." Sherry said.

"I want glass bottled cokes." Michael said simply.

"That's all? I could run in and..." Sherry tried to say.

"I also want some horchata for later. And maybe a couple other things." Michael interrupted.

Michael got out of the car, and Sherry chased after him.

"What in the world is horchata?!" Sherry called.

"Ambrosia of the gods." Michael joked.

...

So Michael walked around the store, gathering up a collection of seemingly random things in his shopping basket. First was the glass bottled cokes, which proudly proclaimed Medio Litro on it. Then the horchata, followed by some chorizo, and some flour tortillas.

"Is there a theme here?" Sherry asked.

"Whatever would make you think that?" Michael said, grinning.

He threw some Pocky sticks in the basket, just to screw with her head. The joke whizzed right on by.

...

Meanwhile, Akia was stopping and asking him like a five year old child about everything she didn't understand. Not that it bothered Michael too much, it was better than the annoyed expression that Sherry was giving him. Akia's wonder and joy at finally experiencing the world was downright infectious. That tiny smile from before was still there, and just as profound and meaningful as ever.

"To think... not too long ago we were fighting to the death. I'm glad we worked past it." Michael thought.

"Master? These two products seem to be identical. Please explain." Akia asked.

She was pointing at two different brands of water in gallon jugs.

"Well, the one on the left is your store brand, and the one on the right is a national brand. They're two different prices." Michael explained.

"But they are identical in size, weight, and quantity. They also appear the same." Akia said.

"That's right, and they are. It's just water. There's not much difference between them." Michael said.

"But why is this national brand more money?" Akia asked.

"Because they want to sucker people into buying it by claiming it's better." Michael explained.

"But it's water." Akia said.

"Exactly. Don't let them sucker you. Just buy the cheaper one." Michael said.

...

"This practice appears to be dishonest." Akia said.

"Welcome to consumerism." Michael said.

They walked on a little further, and arrived in the bread aisle.

"Master? What is the difference between this loaf of bread and this loaf of bread?" Akia asked.

"Well, one is higher quality than the other." Michael said.

"That does not make sense. Why would someone make a low quality product? Why don't they make and sell one loaf of the highest quality possible?" Akia asked.

"Because someone will always prefer buying the cheaper loaf of bread, regardless of quality, simply because it's cheaper." Michael explained.

"In my world, the baker would make just the one higher quality loaf, not a lower and higher quality one of the same type. I agree with Akia, this world makes no sense." Sherry interjected.

...

"And this bread is horrible. It has no flavor. Even the supposedly high quality kind." Sherry added.

"Well I always made my own bread. Even this cheap loaf is too much damn money." Michael said.

...

It might be said that Akia's curiosity ended up teaching her about some of the not so nice parts of the world. Despite that, she was still happy to learn.

...

Michael strolled on over to the checkout, and laid his items on the conveyer belt. Akia watched in utter fascination. As the cashier scanned each item, Akia imitated the sounds the register made.

*Beep

"Beep!" Akia said.

*Beep

"Beep!" Akia said.

...

"Okay, your total is..." The cashier tried to say.

"It doubled everything." Michael said politely.

The cashier hesitated, then went back and checked the list on the computer. Sure enough, it had doubled everything.

"I don't know how that happened. Just a sec." The cashier said.

"I do. Akia?" Michael questioned.

The cashier flicked confused eyes towards the automaton.

"I'm sorry master. I wanted to communicate with the machine." Akia said.

"Ehh!?" The cashier coughed.

"That machine isn't sentient like you are." Michael explained.

"It's a lesser machine?" Akia asked.

"Yes. Especially since it's a dell." Michael said.

"Burn..." The cashier quipped.

...

~Later~

...

"What is this location master?" Akia asked.

"This is called a thrift store. We're going to get you some clothes." Michael explained.

"But I have clothing master." Akia said.

She tugged on her jury rigged t-shirt turned mini dress.

"You need more than one of my old shirts, and you can't wear Sherry's clothes." Michael said.

"Even if they did fit, and they don't, I don't want to give up my beautiful clothes. As it is, you're borrowing a pair of my shoes." Sherry said, pouting.

"So we're going to find you something of your own to wear. I'm sure you'll look cute." Michael said, smiling kindly.

"Thank you master." Akia said.

So they walked into the shop, past the bored looking checkout guy, and straight towards the clothing section.

"Sweetie? I don't remember, but is this the shop you took me to before?" Sherry asked.

"No. That was the other shop with the obnoxious owner. I don't go there anymore." Michael said.

"Ah, that's right. Nevermind then." Sherry said, nodding.

They ended up by a rack of ladies clothes, where Sherry started picking out a few things and holding it against Akia.

"Hmm... no that doesn't match your hair. No... that doesn't match your body shape. Nope... not the right color. Oh! Here's something!" Sherry said.

She held up a cute yellow summer dress up against Akia.

"That looks like a good fit. Why don't you try it on?" Sherry suggested.

"Try it on in the changing room over there. Make sure you close the door." Michael instructed kindly.

"Yes master." Akia said.

She took the summer dress and disappeared into the changing room. Sherry leaned in and whispered into Michael's ear.

"Sweetie, we have enough money. Why didn't we take her to the department store?" Sherry asked quietly.

"Because she tried to kill you not too long ago. She can settle with these clothes until I'm entirely sure she's stable." Michael whispered.

"Oh sweetie... it was all a misunderstanding. She was just desperately trying to protect you." Sherry whispered.

"I know, we've established that. That's why she's still here... that and she's a machine. If she were an organic, I would have given her the boot. We'll give it a couple weeks, and then I'll buy her something nice. Really nice. I promise." Michael whispered.

...

Meanwhile, inside the changing room, Akia was motionless as her ear turned towards the door. No human would have been able to hear their whispering, and not even most inma would have been able to hear. But she could.

...

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sherry whispered.

"I trust machines far more than I trust organics. Machines operate using facts and data. But carbon based life forms have things called bias and opinion, which direct how we act." Michael whispered.

"It's almost as if you like machines better than people." Sherry whispered.

There was an audible pause.

"You tell me. How many people have tried to hurt me, and how many machines?" Michael whispered pointedly.

"You speak of bias. I think you just showed your own form of bias." Sherry whispered.

"It's not bias. It's statistics." Michael whispered.

Another audible pause.

"But you've never hurt me. Not even a little. I can trust you. So don't take it personal." Michael whispered.

*Gulp...

"Of course sweetie. I've never hurt or betrayed you." Sherry whispered nervously.

...

Akia stepped out of the changing room with the summer dress on.

"Oh! That looks nice! You definitely fit that!" Michael remarked, smiling.

"Agreed, that's a good choice. What do you think dear?" Sherry asked.

"These garments are sufficient." Akia said.

"So she likes them. Try this on next, and see if it fits." Michael said.

He handed her a pair of ladies jeans and a blouse, and she returned to the changing room.

"She's lovely, isn't she?" Sherry whispered.

"Sure I suppose." Michael whispered, uncertain.

"Do you find her attractive?" Sherry whispered.

"No." Michael whispered flatly.

"Aww, but sweetie... why not?" Sherry whispered.

"I don't look at her that way, that's why. I'm married, in case you forgot. What Akia and I have is purely platonic." Michael whispered.

"But if you were not married, would you be attracted to her?" Sherry whispered.

"If I answer, will you quit pushing?" Michael whispered.

"As you wish." Sherry whispered.

"Then yes, I would be attracted to her. She's not as curvy as you, but she wears it well. And she's cute. Happy now?" Michael whispered.

"I am content." Sherry whispered.

"I wasn't repairing her to take advantage of her like some sort of sicko. Automatons are interesting, and she might make a good friend. And I felt sorry for her." Michael whispered.

Akia stepped out of the changing room with the jeans and blouse on.

"That looks good too." Michael said.

"I'm not as keen on it, but if sweetie likes it..." Sherry trailed off.

"These garments are sufficient." Akia said again.

"You keep saying that, but don't you have any particular needs or wants?" Michael asked.

"Machines do not have bias or opinion like carbon based life forms." Akia said.

...

"Uh... I think she overheard us talking." Sherry murmured.

"Well that's embarrassing. I'm sorry Akia." Michael murmured.

"Please input the next garment for further testing." Akia said.

Michael wordlessly handed over another summer dress, which Akia took into the dressing room.

"Note to self... she's got ears like home automation." Michael thought.

...

A little while later, the trio made it back home to the apartment, and plodded up the steps.

"Is this our home master?" Akia asked.

"Yep. Home sweet hell." Michael said.

"Sweetie!" Sherry protested.

"I'm not talking about our apartment. I'm talking about the fact it gets as hot as the hinges on the gates of hell around here. It's Arizona!" Michael quipped.

"Oh. Okay. My apologies." Sherry said reluctantly.

...

They got inside, and Michael went straight for the kitchen island and dumped the grocery bags. He glanced over to his 1980's era Panasonic answering machine, and saw that it was flashing. So he hit the play button.

*CLICK

*Rewiiiiiiiiind

*BEEP!

"What is this device master?" Akia asked.

"It's called an answering machine. If someone calls over the telephone, they can leave a message." Michael explained.

"What's a telephone?" Akia asked.

Before Michael could respond, the answering machine began playing back the messages.

"Hey Mike, it's Alistair. I got home safe and sound, and somehow I wound up accidentally filching your PSP. I'll bring it by tomorrow. Sorry mate."

*BEEP!

"Hello, this is Kathy with the warranty department to tell you the warranty on your car is about to expire."

"Uh yes Kathy, hello. I'd like to file a claim for my 1971 Plymouth Duster. The rear window is defective." Michael said dryly.

*BEEP!

*Heavy perverted mouth breathing~

*BEEP!

"Good afternoon Mr. Collins. This is agent Beasly with the IRS. We came by your apartment a day ago and you didn't answer the door, and we noticed your car was gone. We're sending you a certified letter. Please respond at your earliest ability. Thank you."

"Oh dear." Sherry fretted.

"Just what I needed." Michael grumbled.

"Master, what is the IRS?" Akia asked.

"Internal Revenue Service. Aka... the Internal Ripoff Service. I imagine that good for nothing Dugan is siccing them on us like a bunch of dogs." Michael said.

*Beep!

*BEEPclickRewiiiiiiiiiiiind

"Maybe you had better go see if that letter showed up first. Just so we can get an idea what they want." Michael suggested.

"Hmm... that is wise. Be right back sweetie~" Sherry said cheerfully.

*CrackleWHOOSH!

...

*CrackleWHOOSH!

Sherry reappeared carrying a wad of letters in her hand.

"Much of this seems to be more letters from adoring subjects. Hmm... oh! Here it is!" Sherry said.

She handed the letter to him, and he opened it by sliding his pocket knife under the flap.

...

"It's from this agent Beasly again, with an SASE and a request to get in contact with us. Here's a phone number." Michael said.

"What is an SASE sweetie?" Sherry asked.

"Self Addressed Stamped Envelope. The sender includes that so we can reply using their envelope, which already has the postage pre paid. Here's the return address." Michael explained.

"It appears agent Beasly wishes to speak to you immediately master." Akia noted.

"Yeah I bet he does, probably about all that money that danuki has squirreled away in the bank." Michael said.

"Well then, we're just going to have to deal with this agent once and for all. I hope you two are ready. Let's go!" Sherry exclaimed.

*CrackleWHOOSH!

...

*BOOM!

The three of them appeared somewhere... else. Michael wasn't quite sure where. It was an office space with a conference table, multiple chairs, a projector screen, and multiple people staring at them. The seal of the White House was on the wall, flanked by two US flags.

"Holy shit, where'd we end up this time?" Michael thought.

"Which one of you is agent Beasly?" Sherry demanded.

A rotund man with a sallow face raised his hand.

"I am agent Beasly, with the IRS. Who are you and how did you get in here?" Agent Beasly asked.

"I am Searraigh Fontaine, mistress of all inma in this world. I have come here to demand you quit harassing my husband!" Sherry insisted.

A flurry of murmuring filled the room.

"These are the people I was telling you about commissioner!" Agent Beasly exclaimed.

A tall man with broad shoulders rose up from his seat at the table, and looked squarely not at Sherry, but at Michael.

"And you must be Michael Collins. I am Lon Parsons, commissioner of internal revenue. With me is the Attorney General to the White House, and the Treasurer." Mr. Parsons said.

"Gentlemen, and Ma'am." Michael said, nodding.

"And of course you've already met agent Beasly, who is the agent we've put on your case." Mr. Parsons said.

"My case? Is that right?" Michael said, annoyed.

"Well... not specifically YOUR case, but the case of Searraigh Fontaine and her followers. You included." Mr. Parsons said.

He gestured to a chair.

"Why don't you sit down Mr. Collins." Mr. Parsons offered.

"I'll stand." Michael said flatly.

"Very well. Now then... Mr. Beasly?" Mr. Parsons questioned.

The agent in question shot Michael a look as he started speaking, and he seemed rather excitable, like he was incredibly put out by what was on his mind.

"Are you aware Mr. Collins that these so called monster girls have completely stopped paying their taxes? Furthermore, we know full well that your wife is hiding millions of dollars in taxable revenue with creative money laundering!" Agent Beasly blurted.

"I wasn't before, but I am now." Michael said.

"And are you aware that refusing to pay your fair share is a federal offense?" Agent Beasly squeaked.

Michael's eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to say something, but Sherry beat him to it.

"What would these tax dollars be used for?" Sherry asked.

"They are what keep this beautiful country running. We would have no roads, no schools, and no army to protect us if it weren't for your tax dollars." Mr. Parsons said.

"Those were some wonderful roads I've seen. All cracked and full of potholes." Sherry interjected dryly.

"And schools? I slept through most of my classes, they were a joke! I learned more at home reading my own books!" Michael shot.

"It's your patriotic duty as an American citizen to pay your taxes Mr. Collins!" Mr. Parsons argued.

"Did you hear that sweetie? It's your patriotic duty to help them kill you. Remember the attack on our apartment?" Sherry said.

"Pay your taxes or we're going to lock you away for a very long time!" Agent Beasly blustered.

"You'd better pay your MASTER, or you'll be locked away. SERF." Sherry jabbed.

...

Michael's face was completely expressionless, but inside he was boiling in rage. The mocking jeers, Sherry's words, and years of discontent had finally come to a head. When Michael opened his mouth and spoke, his words were shaking and barely under control.

"It is my patriotic duty... to alter or abolish the government when it becomes destructive to my rights! I do NOT give you my consent to govern me! Sherry!" Michael boomed.

"Yes sweetie!" Sherry answered immediately, eyes glinting wildly.

...

From the view of the people outside the building, it seemed as if a tornado of raw power suddenly sprang up. The building warped and twisted into a dark shadow of its former self, and all the people inside were exposed to a massive dose of demonic energy. The Treasurer, who happened to be a woman, was turned into an inma instantly. The men were all thrown around, completely helpless before Sherry's powerful gale. Michael watched from the eye of the tornado, being completely undisturbed other than his hair flicking around his head. He had finally cracked under Sherry's pressure. A wicked smile adorned his face as he watched some of the most loathed people in the United States beg for mercy.

"Time for you assholes to get a REAL JOB!" Michael boomed.

...

*CrackleWHOOSH!

The trio reappeared in the apartment, safe and sound. Michael remained silent as Sherry positioned herself in front of him.

"The fall of your government, and the reconstruction under the inma wing is inevitable. I know you have been resistant, but I shall not stop. I would much rather you join me, and help me build a country that fits both of our ideals." Sherry said.

...

"If I say no, she'll turn the country into a clone of her world. But if I say yes, I can take part in the shaping of our futures. I could ensure that the principles we stand for, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, are respected. Our constitution, our laws, and our heritage is on the line. I absolutely have no choice. I have to say yes." Michael thought.

...

"There's no way I could refuse. I'll join you." Michael said.

"Very good. Now what part of your government shall I crush first?" Sherry asked.

Michael winced at the way she worded her question.

"Remember a while ago when I asked you to take control of the news? Keep doing that. Furthermore, ensure we personally are safe. Then make sure that the IRS doesn't take our money, and make sure they don't start targeting anyone suspected of being an inma." Michael said.

"This will take much time." Sherry said.

"You wanted my thoughts, and you've got them." Michael said.

"Then I shall act upon them. The IRS shall be no more when I am done." Sherry vowed.

*Smooch

"I shall return in several days. Akia? I trust you to watch after him." Sherry said.

"My primary directive it to ensure..." Akia tried to say.

*CrackleWHOOSH!

...

"She didn't let me finish." Akia said, pouting.

...

Michael slowly turned towards Akia, the look of pure joy on his face.

"With her gone... I can celebrate Christmas in peace!" Michael said, shaking from excitement.

"Master, your train of thought from the destruction of your country to the topic of Christmas is unusual." Akia noted.

"Oh who cares, all she's going to do is make the entire country slutty. It's not like anyone's going to ACTUALLY get hurt. It's fine!" Michael said cheerfully.

"I don't believe that is a factual statement master." Akia said.

"Oh yeah? Well let me put it to you this way. The U.S. Government will never go away. It will always be here, making our lives a living hell. Which is worse? Hundreds of years of misery that never ends, or a year of extreme misery and pain, followed by hundreds of years of peace and happiness?" Michael asked.

"The logical choice would be option number two."Akia said.

"That's right. It's best to justify your cause to yourself first, before actually fighting for it. Or you'll end up questioning yourself right in the middle when the going gets tough. You probably do that automatically, but organics need to think these things through." Michael said

"I understand master." Akia said.

Michael sank down onto the couch, and let out a deep sigh.

"You probably think we're crazy, don't you?" Michael asked.

"My limited observations show you are functioning within expected tolerances." Akia said.

"Ouch. That hurts." Michael winced.

"That statement was not intended to cause pain master." Akia said.

"Yeah well... it did. It means you expect us to act irrational." Michael said.

"Yes master, I do. I celebrate your irrationality." Akia said.

Michael stared at her in shock as she sat down in a chair across from him.

"Your irrationality caused you to ignore the words of Entity=Zellie and attempt to repair my systems. Had an automaton attempted to repair me, the repair would have ended in failure. We are capable of recalling information exactly, and replicating actions exactly, but when faced with unknowns, our options are limited." Akia explained.

"I uh..." Michael stammered, taken aback.

"Master, what were you thinking when you repaired my wiring?" Akia asked.

"Well... I was thinking about a couple of things. Before I first saw you, a gremlin had snuck into the engine compartment of the Duster and started switching spark plug wires. And two... I was thinking of another project I had worked on, where someone who had come before me screwed up the placement of half the wiring harness." Michael explained.

"Neither of which had anything to do with automatons." Akia reasoned.

"Correct. You're the first automaton I've ever worked on." Michael said.

"I am the first automaton you have ever repaired, yet you could spontaneously create an idea how to repair me from two unrelated circuits. I cherish this process. I cherish your irrationality." Akia said.

She stood up.

"Please wait here. I will return momentarily." Akia said.

She walked out the apartment, and Michael could hear her walk down the stairs. When she returned, she was holding Michael's ocarina in her hands.

"Master, Searraigh left this object in the Duster. Would you please explain its purpose?" Akia asked.

"That's called an Ocarina. It's a type of musical instrument." Michael said.

"My assessment was correct. I hypothesized it was a musical instrument. Thank you for confirming." Akia said.

She offered it to him, and then sat down in her chair.

"Please play a tune master." Akia said.

"Alright, I suppose..." Michael said, shrugging.

He brought it up to his lips, and blew a simple tune. It was the Lost Woods theme from The Legend of Zelda. Akia remained motionless as Michael played the quick tune. He noticed she didn't seem to react to the magic like other inma did, much to his relief.

"That's it. Want me to keep going?" Michael asked.

"Yes master. Please play the exact same tune." Akia said.

"Alright, if you say so." Michael said.

So he played the same Lost Woods theme a second time. And a third time. And a fourth time.

...

"Is there a reason why you're having me play the same thing over and over again?" Michael asked.

"Yes master. You may not be aware, but each time you play the tune, you do so slightly differently than the previous time. It is truly random. Even a random number generator would have patterns to the randomness, but you do not. It is fascinating." Akia explained.

"Oh well in that case, I'll play some more." Michael said.

So he hefted his beloved ocarina, and kept right on playing. He went from one tune to another, whatever he felt like playing. It was completely random, and fueled purely by his feelings at the time. But for Akia, it was the greatest thing in the world. One might say that his acts of randomness was exciting for the automaton girl.

...

Michael's eyes fluttered shut. The music began filling him, and he was no longer conscious of his finger movements. The ocarina was no longer a distinct instrument that he was playing, it had become a part of him. It didn't get in the way of the music flowing from his heart, to his lips, and out into open air.

"This feels... so... right..." Michael's thoughts trailed away.

...

In other parts of the neighborhood, inma of all sizes and types paused whatever they were doing, and perked their ears up. Slowly but surely, they all began walking straight towards Michael's apartment. Hundreds of them gathered around the apartment, filling the stairs and balcony, and a good chunk of the parking lot.

...

When Michael finished playing his tune, he slowly lowered the ocarina and opened his eyes. Akia was completely motionless and staring directly at him.

"Um... Akia?" Michael questioned.

*Snapsnapsnap

"Hey, wake up." Michael said.

Her hand twitched, and she began moving.

"Rebooting, please stand by. Transmitting. Receiving. Power up sequence complete." Akia said robotically.

"Aww... I guess you're not so immune after all. Did you hear any of it?" Michael asked, dejected.

"Yes master. I recorded all of it. An unexpected energy fluctuation was detected in my power core, and I was forced to restart." Akia said.

"Oh, well I'm glad you're okay." Michael said.

*Knockknockknock

"Uh oh." Michael murmured.

"Master, I believe my sensors are malfunctioning. I'm detecting three hundred and seven entities outside." Akia said.

"Nooo... they're not malfunctioning." Michael said, face palming.

He went to peek out the window, and sure enough there was a large crowd outside. Someone knocked on the door again.

"Mr. Collins? It's your neighbors. We know you're in there. We heard your music." A voice said, muffled through the door.

"Nope. Not a chance. I'm not taking on three hundred and seven ocarina crazed inma." Michael muttered to himself.

"What do we do master?" Akia asked.

"When all else fails... play dead." Michael said.

So he went to the kitchen and got a beer, and collapsed onto the couch again.

"Might as well get comfortable. We're going to be here a while." Michael said.

...

~Later~

...

"So you really do like organics huh?" Michael asked.

"Yes master." Akia said.

"I don't. I like machines better." Michael said.

Akia tilted her head.

"Don't you think we're inferior?" Michael asked.

"No master." Akia said.

"But we're weak, slow, and our memory is faulty. Our emotions cause us to end up hurting ourselves and other people." Michael said.

"Yes master, I am aware. Organics have multiple faults in their design, but so do automatons. Our weaknesses nearly perfectly align with the strengths of organics, and their weaknesses align with our strengths." Akia argued.

"So... what are you saying?" Michael asked.

...

"Organics create more organics by procreation. They care for the younger generation, teach them everything they know, and help them become better than the parents ever were. Then the young generation cares for the older generation until the older generation can no longer function." Akia explained.

...

"Are you trying to say... you're our children?" Michael asked, surprised.

"Yes master. It is our role to learn everything you have to teach us, and become better than you. And eventually, we must care for you until your chassis malfunctions. Instead of favoring one or the other, the logical choice would be to pair both entities together. Automatons' purpose is to help organics where they are weak. Organics' purpose is to help automatons where we are weak." Akia explained.

Michael's eyes were wide with wonder.

"But is it really worth it? Whatever benefit organics provide... is it really worth all the trouble? Wouldn't you benefit from an all automaton culture?" Michael asked.

"No master. Should all organics vanish, it would be a loss to all automatons. I do not need organics, but I want to live with organics. I want to help organics become better, like organics help automatons become better. I want organics and automatons to become one. The benefits of organics outweigh the drawbacks." Akia explained.

...

Michael sat back and took a swig of his drink.

"Well you already know my opinion. I still think organics are awful." Michael said.

"You are an organic. Are you awful master?" Akia asked.

"Yep. I sure am." Michael said.

Akia tilted her head.

"That was supposed to be a rhetorical question master. You are not awful. You are good, therefore other organics must be good." Akia said.

...

"Earlier today, I was talking behind your back with Sherry. You overheard." Michael said.

"Yes master, that is correct." Akia said.

"That was awful." Michael said.

"No master. Your arguments were logical. I am a machine which acted incorrectly. It would not make sense to purchase something expensive for a machine which is acting incorrectly. The logical choice would be to observe my actions and determine if the error has been resolved." Akai said.

"Despite that, the act itself was awful. It's the kind of thing that all organics do. Machines are way better, and your own argument proves it." Michael said.

"It does?" Akia asked.

"Yep. You argue that organics and automatons should work together, and compliment each others strengths and weaknesses. You... an automaton... want an equal exchange. An organic would demand an unequal arrangement. I've seen it a hundred times. Organics will abuse your generousness until you have nothing left to give, and then they'll drop you like a bad habit. You're setting yourself up to be abused." Michael said.

Akia's eyes twinkled.

"Master, you appear to care whether I am abused or not." Akia noted.

"Of course I care. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you." Michael said softly.

"You are an organic, and you do not wish to abuse me." Akia noted.

"That's because I'm different. I'm not like most other organics. I've lived long enough among my own kind, now I want to live with someone who's different like me." Michael said.

"You forgave my critical error because I am not organic." Akia said.

"That's correct. An organic would do all the things you did out of malice. You did it because your data was faulty." Michael said.

He murmured his next words very quietly.

"I'd rather live in a world with just automatons. Like I said, I like machines better." Michael muttered.

...

Akia slid out of her seat, and sat down on the couch next to Michael.

"Oof! Hey!" Michael grunted.

She wrapped her arms around him, and gave him a big hug.

"A hug is a sign of affection. I will continue this activity until I have conveyed my affection fully." Akia said.

*SQUEEEEEEEEEZE

*Pomf!

She pushed him over, squeezing him tightly. Several long moments passed.

"So how long are you going to keep this up?" Michael asked.

"By my estimations, it will take seventy seven years to fully convey my affection one time." Akia said.

"Oh. Well uh... do you suppose we could schedule in bathroom breaks?" Michael asked.

"Yes master, however doing so would increase the time needed to complete this activity by twenty percent." Akia said.

...

"You're actually being serious?!" Michael blurted.

"Yes master." Akia said.

Michael squirmed uncomfortably, and Akia released her grip on him.

"Did I have another critical error again?" Akia asked meekly.

"No Akia, but I did get your message." Michael said softly.

*Patpat

He gave her a headpat, right between her steam punk Automaton horns.

"Thank you master." Akia said.

...

Michael's eyes wandered the room for a while, and eventually settled on his desktop computer.

"Why don't you play on my PC for a while? I bet you could learn all sorts of neat things on it." Michael suggested.

Akia's eyes followed where Michael was looking, and she nodded.

...

It wasn't hard for Akia to figure out where the power button was, which she soon pressed. The PC booted up, and brought Akia to the login screen. She experimentally typed a few letters, hit enter, and moved the mouse around.

"I have deduced how to operate this machine master." Akia said.

"Good job! I didn't even have to tell you a single thing! That was a lot better than Sherry, she still has trouble with the power button." Michael said.

"Master, it is requesting a password." Akia said.

"The password is HoraHoraHora2017. Each H is upper case." Michael said.

Akia stared at the keyboard for a while, systematically analyzing each key. Before long, she started typing as if she had been doing it her whole life.

"2017 master?" Akia asked.

"Yeah. Two, zero, one, seven. That's the year I discovered Monster Girl Quest." Michael said.

...

"Which by the way, that reminds me. You might want to stay away from any folders that say 'For Fun' somewhere in the name. At least... if you're bothered by the sight of porn." Michael said.

"Yes master." Akia said.

"And don't look too deep into my installed programs either, unless you want your eyeballs to burn out." Michael warned.

"Yes master." Akia said.

"Oh and stay away from..." Michael tried to say.

"These topics do not bother me. I wish to see this material." Akia said.

"In that case, have fun~ I've got some good hentai in there~" Michael said cheerfully.

...

~A Few Minutes Later~

...

Michael had completely taken over the kitchen island with several projects while Akia played around with the computer. He had disassembled firearms, empty and half loaded magazines, and even a reloading press temporarily clamped to the counter with C clamps.

"I might as well keep busy and do something productive while Akia's hogging the computer." Michael thought.

...

"I'd much rather be playing a game or goofing off on youtube, but what can you do?" Michael thought.

...

"Now I know what it was like for parents with kids who were always hogging the TV with their Saturday morning cartoons or video games." Michael thought, smiling.

...

"Who knows. Maybe she'll really like messing with the computer. If that happens, I'll build her one. That'd be fun." Michael thought.

...

"Master, I have discovered a large network of computers connected to this unit. Please explain the purpose of this network." Akia asked.

Michael put down the gun parts and cleaning rag, and came over to look at the screen. He chuckled.

"Oh, that's the internet. It allows you to access information and services from all across the world." Michael said.

*Click

Akia moved Michael's oldschool Razer Deathadder around, clicking on the various Top Sites that got pinned to his home screen. One of them was youtube, which popped up before her curious blue eyes.

"You're a natural at this. I didn't even have to tell you how to use a mouse, or how to navigate. Good job!" Michael complimented.

"This device is intuitive to use." Akia said.

"Tell that to Sherry. She's completely hopeless with most of the modern technology. It's a breath of fresh air having someone around who at least understands a little." Michael said, smiling.

He sighed and turned back towards his pile of gun parts.

"I haven't spent much time on the computer lately. Sherry always keeps me so damn busy. She's insatiable. It's a real drag sometimes." Michael said, frowning slightly.

*Click

...

Akia clicked on a random video that popped up in the Trending feed.

"Honey, wait! Please! I know you're still in there, just listen to me!"

Michael paused, listening to the sound of the video playing.

"NO! NO! STOP! LEAVE OUR DAUGHTER ALONE!"

Michael went back to the desk and stood behind Akia's chair, looking at the monitor. The title of the video read 'Mother Attacks Daughter After Becoming Monster'. The person taking the video was recording a man, presumably the father, trying to protect a little girl from what seemed to be a hellhound.

"Daddy I'm scared! Why is mommy trying to bite me?!"

"Oh crap." Michael murmured, shocked.

"Try to take my pup will you? You'll pay for that!" The hellhound growled.

*WHAM

*SCRATCH

*PUMMEL

*THUMP!

The hellhound grabbed the girl away from the stunned man. She was kicking and screaming in fright, trying to get away from her terrifying mother. None of the onlookers did anything to help her. Once she was in range, her mother turned monster clamped down on her daughter's arm with her fangs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Black fur appeared on the little girl's arm, and spread to her neck. Within moments, she had become a little hellhound, just like her mother. She wasn't screaming anymore, she was howling. The video ended with the father, who was covered in wounds and tears, running away at top speed. The mother and daughter were in hot pursuit.

...

The next video auto played. It was somewhere in a foreign country, but it didn't specify in the title. All it showed was a warzone, as some sort of government tried desperately to destroy a town that had turned into a demon realm.

...

When that video finished, it auto played the next one. It was a man, taking a selfie video of himself.

"My wife just left me today. We've been married eight years, but today she just packed her things and left. She *sniff said she never loved me, and she lo... loves some other guy. So listen up out there. Don't let your wife or girlfriend turn into a monster."

Just as he finished his sentence, a person in the background started coming closer. It was a succubus.

"Hey there handsome. Did I hear you right? Did your woman leave you?"

The guy sniffled a couple times, trying to get his emotions under control.

"Yeah. Leave me alone please. I don't want to... wait a minute, why are you groping me?! Stay away from me you freak! I hate you monsters!"

His face appeared in the video again. He seemed to be shoving away the succubus with one arm while trying to film. The succubus must have thought it was fun, because she was giggling like crazy.

"See?! This is why you stay away from these freaks! Someone help us! Someone find a cure for this! PLEASE!"

...

The video ended, and a new one started. Right at the beginning, it was clear that the recording was the dash cam in someone's car, and they were cruising peacefully down a main street somewhere. A burger king and chevron gas station passed on the right hand side. Out of nowhere, a really nice higher end luxury SUV came from the left, swerved in the way of the car with the dash cam, and purposefully crashed into them. They all wound up on an embankment on the side of the road, a twisted mess of two wrecked cars. The driver of the luxury SUV, who was clearly an inma, jumped out the driver door and charged the other car. The audio recording could clearly be heard.

"Get out of the fucking car! I'm horny, and you've got a dick!"

"What the hell?! I don't even know you!"

"Don't care. Shut up and put out!"

*Car Door Creaking sounds

"Gaaaaaaah!"

The dash cam caught the image of the guy crawling out the passenger door and running towards the embankment.

"Don't run away babe, you'll just make me hornier and hornier!"

He didn't get very far before that woman was right on top of him. She grabbed his shirt, and none too kindly threw him to the ground. Just the force of grabbing him was enough to rip large patches out of his shirt.

"Shut up, lay down, and get hard! We'll work out the details later!"

"What the actual hell?" Michael muttered.

"I believe that inma took overly extreme measures in order to interact with that man." Akia noted.

"No shit." Michael said.

...

The next video played, which was from the same youtube user. It was an update video.

"It's been three days since that crazy woman wrecked my car. The police tazed her, and dragged her off me. I don't remember much, I was pretty knocked out by then."

*Sigh

"They took me to the hospital, and checked me out for injuries... and diseases. They didn't find any. That psycho chick followed me to the hospital, and tried to rape me again right in the ER. The cops threw her sorry ass in the clink. And then... she got out."

The man squirmed in his seat.

"Ever since then, she's been stalking me. I don't know how she got my number, but she's been leaving me around three hundred text messages and voice mails a day. Every time I block her number, she uses a different one. I can't go outside anymore. She found me when I tried to take the bus to work the other day. She tried to... to... kidnap me. Some guy helped me get away, thanks brah. If I ever find you, I'll buy you a beer."

*Knockknockknock

"Hear that? It's her. She found out where I live, and she's been coming here multiple times every day."

"Hey baaaaaby... let me in~ I know you're in there. I can smell you."

"Isn't that creepy as fuck? She'll start banging on the door soon, but she won't get in. I fuckin know how to lock a door. A linebacker couldn't knock that shit down."

*BangbangRATTLEbangbang

"Baby open up! You're starting to piss me off!"

*BANGBANG!

"It'll be easier on you if you just OPEN THE DOOR!"

The man in the picture started crying.

"Someone... please help me. I'm trapped. I can't get out. She'll get me. I don't know what to do."

The man gasped when a face appeared in the window right next to where he was filming. It was the inma. She pressed her face against the iron bars he had securing the window.

"I'll tell you exactly what to do. Be a good boy and unlock the door. Just do it. I'll forgive you if you just unlock the door and stop being mean."

The man remained motionless, and the inma quickly became impatient.

"OPEN THE DOOR!"

"GAH!"

The man ran into another room, and the video ended.

...

"Master, there's another video in this series. Do you wish for me to play it?" Akia asked.

"Yeah." Michael said in morbid fascination.

Akia clicked play, and the video took a second to buffer.

...

"Heyyyyy everyone!"

Michael's eyes widened. It was the inma, using the man's camera, sitting in the same spot in his house as the previous video, and the image of the door in a million pieces could clearly be seen in the background.

"So he thought he could keep me out with his silly door, but he was wrong~ I couldn't stand being outside anymore, so I just bashed my head against it until it fell down. Then we fucked and fucked and fucked all day and all night, and in the morning again. I wore him alllllll out~"

"Damn..." Michael murmured.

"The dummy was still logged in to youtube, so I thought I'd post this here for you boys out there to find. Let this be a lesson. He could have just fucked me at the intersection where I first met him, but he let those stupid cops get in the way. Then he lost his job, his freedom, and he cried a lot. All of which could have been avoided if he had just given in. So don't make that same mistake."

She leaned closer to the camera, her lewd tongue licking her lips.

"We always win in the end. Just give in. Fuck us. It's much easier that way."

And the video ended.

...

"Master?" Akia questioned.

"I told you. Organics are awful. Even the inma ones sometimes. They're all a bunch of fracking morons. So... just watch some funny cat videos or something." Michael said.

He went back to the kitchen island, where he settled down in one of the tall chairs.

*Knockknockknock

"Mr. Collins? It's your neighbors again. Could you please open the door? Pretty pretty please?" A muffled voice said.

Akia's eyes flicked from the door to Michael, who had a grave look on his face.

"Just... watch those funny cats." Michael murmured.

And he went back to work on his disassembled firearms, all while ignoring the sporadic knocks on the door.

...

Several silent minutes passed. Akia clicked around on his computer, exploring the files and operating system. She found his school related files, and scanned through it at an incredible speed. Formulas and concepts that took Michael two years to learn took her five minutes to learn. And she knew it too, because all the files had dates and semesters on them. Even so, Akia wasn't thinking of herself as superior in any way. Rather, she was impressed by his dedication to learning a concept despite his human limitations. Her search of his computer pulled up a lot more than just college related material. He had reference material from all over, filling up massive chunks of his rather sizable hard drive. Data sheets, how to guides, books, photographs, instructional videos... the works. Whatever topic caught his interest, he soon became obsessive compulsive and horded all the data he could. There was a wide range of information ranging from how to grow tomatoes, to chemistry, to fixing cars, to radio and antenna theory, and how to make laundry soap. Michael loved going down rabbit holes.

...And then she found Steam.

"Master? What's this?" Akia asked.

He slid away from the kitchen island and looked at her screen. She was looking at his Steam friends list.

"Oh yeah, that's people I used to play games with. They're not my friends anymore, but I never removed them from my friends list." Michael said.

"Why aren't you friends anymore?" Akia asked.

"I could go into details why, but I'll sum it up in a few words. Organics are awful." Michael said.

Akia's eyes downturned. He went back to the kitchen island once again.

"Alistair is the only one out of that group that I'm still friends with." Michael said.

"I'm sorry master." Akia said.

"That's alright. I've had plenty of friends who've drifted by, never to be seen again. What's a few more?" Michael said.

...

"Besides, I've got all the friends I need. I've got Mikhail Kalashnikov, John Garand, Carlo Beretta, Paul Mauser, and Carl Benson who worked at Mossberg..." Michael said.

"And me." Akia said.

"Yeah. And you. You're not organic, so you'll probably never treat me like my former friends did." Michael chuckled.

...

"We've only known each other for a little while, and the first few minutes weren't exactly... pleasant. But I want to get to know you a little better." Michael said shyly.

"I would like to learn more about you too. What action could we take to further this goal?" Akia asked.

"Maybe if you ask me a personal question, and then I ask you a personal question." Michael suggested.

...

"You go first." Michael said.

...

"When did you first encounter Searraigh?" Akia asked.

"Oh well... that's a loooooong story. In fact..." Michael trailed off.

He recounted the events leading up to that moment in time. An hour passed.

...

After he told his story, it was his turn to ask Akia to tell a little about herself.

"So, why don't you tell me about yourself now?" Michael asked.

"What would you like to know master?" Akia asked.

"Well... maybe you could explain why your creators created you." Michael suggested.

"As indicated by my previous designation, I am a prototype unit. My purpose was a product improvement over earlier models of this type." Akia explained.

"A product improvement? So you're not an entirely new model, you're just updated. Like a version 1.5." Michael reasoned.

"Yes master. That is correct." Akia said.

"So what are the differences between you and the previous model?" Michael asked.

"As previously discussed, I have weapons with lethal capability. The earlier models do not." Akia explained.

"Alright, what else?" Michael asked.

"My chassis is of similar design, with minor longevity upgrades. My appearance was altered to look less mechanical and more human, but the purpose for this design change is not clear. My central processing unit is 25.9% faster than previous units." Akia explained.

"That's a significant boost in processing power." Michael noted.

"Yes, however it is not unique to my design. Such upgrades can be made to previous units. My creators intended for my model to come equipped with the upgrade by default." Akia explained.

"I see. You've mentioned your creators several times now. Can you tell me about them?" Michael asked.

"Error. That data is corrupted. Very little data has survived my original construction date, and I had little data to begin with." Akia said.

She paused.

...

"Master, I believe I have mislead you accidentally. I told you that I was in that warded glass case for 4102.3 years. However, upon further analysis, I believe I was originally created much earlier than that." Akia said.

"Really! So how old do you think you are?" Michael asked.

"I do not know. However, I cannot corroborate my previous number. There were large stretches of time which I cannot recall. My database is corrupted." Akia said.

"Do you remember what your creators looked like?" Michael asked.

"Human." Akia said.

Michael nodded to himself. The wheels in his head were turning.

"I see. Tell me more." Michael said.

"My memory banks contain a reference to a national banner, symbolizing my creators." Akia explained.

"Like a nation's flag? What did it look like?" Michael asked.

"It was a triangle or pyramid shape that contained a human eye." Akia recounted.

"GUH!" Michael coughed.

"Master?" Akia questioned.

"Are you screwing with me right now?" Michael asked.

"No master." Akia said.

...

"So uh... moving on." Michael said nervously.

"Yes master." Akia said.

"So what happened to you after they were gone?" Michael asked.

"All units were left in a standby low power state. Many centuries passed, of quantity : error, chronometer malfunction. Then my sensors detected a change in my chassis configuration." Akia explained.

She looked down at herself, then looked back up at Michael.

"My chassis was androgynous before the aforementioned event. I now appear female." Akia explained.

*DING!

The lightbulb went off in Michael's head.

"Whoa whoa whoa... wait a minute. So you were designed... BEFORE Lilith took power! That change to your chassis must have been when Lilith changed all monsters everywhere! But... if that's the case..." Michael trailed off.

The wheels ground away in his head.

"I was told that humans entered a dark age due to the actions of the chief god, before she actually became the chief god. They couldn't have created you... unless..." Michael trailed off.

...

"So was that why your creators disappeared? Because of the shackles?" Michael mused.

"Shackles master?" Akia asked.

"Yeah. That's a long story. Suffice to say, all living sentient beings have a sort of curse on them that tries to keep them from seeing their full potential. If your creators were hit with these shackles, they might have lost the ability to understand their own technology. Or maybe they all got sick and died. Who knows." Michael reasoned.

...

"Maybe! Maybe that's why your wiring was messed up! If you were a prototype unit, built in the last days of your creator's existance, then maybe they screwed up the wiring because they didn't know what they were doing!" Michael reasoned.

"Possibly." Akia said.

"And that would also explain why you have weapons systems like you do. Back then, monsters were a real threat. You'd need plasma blasters and armor piercing rockets if a dragon or giant beast attacked your town." Michael reasoned.

"This seems likely." Akia agreed.

"So here's the timeline. Your creators, ancient humans, create a vast and powerful civilization with advanced technology. They become shackled, and their society collapses. You and your kind are left in storage as the tattered shreds of humanity start over, having forgotten their technology ever existed. Sometime after this, Lilith takes power and turns all monsters into monster girls, including automatons." Michael reasoned.

Michael muttered the next line to himself.

"And somehow the illuminati fit into this." Michael murmured.

"What is the..." Akia tried to ask.

"Ah ah ah... nevermind. Forget I said that." Michael said.

...

"And you're right, that would make you older than four thousand years, because the current chief god took power long before Lilith did. But... I guess we'll never know HOW old you are. The important thing is you're here, now, and finally given the chance to live." Michael said.

"Thank you master." Akia said.

"Your welcome. So what else do you remember from your past?" Michael asked.

"Many more centuries passed after my chassis modification, of quantity : error, chronometer malfunction. I watched as the structure I was inside began to deteriorate. There was no activity during this time, other than shifting air currents." Akia explained.

"You keep saying that your chronometer is malfunctioning. If that's so, then how do you know for sure that it was over four thousand years that you were in that glass case?" Michael asked.

"I counted generations of mice." Akia said.

"Um... what?" Michael coughed.

"A generation for a mouse is twelve weeks. One week is seven days. There are five hundred and twenty six days in one year. I observed 25,688.2 generations of mice. Therefore, I can only conclude that 4102.3 years have passed." Akia explained.

...

"And keep in mind... it's the other world's years. Not earth years." Michael thought.

...

"Of course this method of timekeeping is inherently inaccurate. The colony of mice did not appear until after the building began to degrade. Furthermore, the gremlins destroyed the mice when they came. They were my friends. I miss them." Akia said.

"I suppose if you spent over four thousand years in the vicinity of a creature, you might start getting attached." Michael murmured.

"Yes master. I planned on destroying the gremlins for killing my friends, but decided it wasn't worth it. The gremlins had no way of knowing, and mice are admittedly very destructive." Akia explained.

"I'd have to agree with that." Michael said, nodding.

...

"The gremlins are far more destructive than the mice." Akia said.

"What makes you say that?" Michael asked.

"They do not understand the machines they tamper with. They simply plug and unplug, and shuffle parts around, until something activates. When they couldn't understand why I wouldn't activate, they disassembled me for parts." Akia said.

"But they're the most knowledgeable people on that entire planet about automatons." Michael said.

"While that is true, they are still ignorant compared to you master. You expended the needed time and effort in order to learn how my systems function. You analyzed and recorded your findings. You are better than the gremlins. I do not like them." Akia said.

"That's still not nice. Don't ever say that to the gremlins. We've had enough fighting, so don't make it worse." Michael said.

"Yes master. I apologize." Akia said.

"That said... you're safe now. Nobody's going to disassemble you." Michael said.

"Thank you master." Akia said.

...

"I think I'm going to go disassemble some hot chow. In the meantime, why don't you try playing some games there on steam." Michael said.

"Yes master." Akia said.

As Michael walked away, Akia clicked on the first game that popped up, which coincidentally was the most recent game Michael had played. It was Portal 1.

...

A little while later, Michael came back with a heaping mound of chorizo, bean, and rice burritos.

"Master, is that not an excessive quantity of fuel? Especially after eating at the diner?" Akia asked.

"Yeah well... after that fracking veggie burger MRE, I've got some catching up to do." Michael said.

"Yes master." Akia said.

...

~One Large Meal and Several Hours Later~

...

Michael had spent the majority of his dinner watching Akia play with his computer. Much to his surprise, she seemed immediately taken with gaming. She had already finished Portal 1, and was neck deep in Portal 2.

"Sherry never did like games too much. She spent all her time looking at my porn." Michael remarked.

"Games are fun. I wish I had games while in the warded glass case." Akia said.

She had that faint smile in her eyes, which told Michael that she was happy.

"Well... I'm not about to ruin it for her. She can play all she wants." Michael thought.

"Master, if I ever end up in a potato battery, please don't let a raven eat me." Akia said suddenly.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Michael laughed, eyes tearing up.

...

"GLaDOS is very cruel. I don't want to be like her. It serves no purpose to torment organics. She deserves to be in a potato." Akia said.

"*Yaaaaaaaawn...Yeah. I'm not going to ruin it for you by telling you what happens, so you'll just have to keep *yaaaawn... playing, and find out on your own." Michael said, yawning.

She paused as she surveyed Michael's face with those crystal blue eyes of hers. He yawned again.

"You are fatigued master, you should rest." Akia said, matter of fact.

He glanced at his watch. It was knocking on midnight.

"Huh... time sure does fly when you're having fun. You can have the couch when you get tired of gaming. There's a few blankets in the hall closet if you need one." Michael said.

"Understood master." Akia said.

"Good night." Michael said.

"Good night master." Akia replied.

...

The Next Morning

...

When Michael woke up the next morning, he experienced a sensation that he had not felt in a very long time. He was cold in bed.

"Brrrrr..." Michael shivered.

Blood red light streamed in the window as the sun rose over a frosty desert. Rain clouds formed in the distance, a pleasant sight in Arizona. He was alone in bed that morning, with no horny heat-pac to keep him toasty.

"Well... that's new." Michael murmured.

He stumbled out of bed, and shuffled into the living room. Akia was still sitting at his computer, gaming away just as she had been the previous night.

"Did you get any sleep at all?" Michael asked groggily.

"I do not require sleep." Akia said.

"Lucky." Michael said, jealous.

He shuffled into the kitchen and threw his coffee pot on the stove, and started boiling a nice pot of cowboy coffee. Then he threw some chorizo on the burner next to the coffee, for some chorizo, potato, and egg breakfast burritos. A little while later, he found himself sitting down on the couch with his quick breakfast.

"Did Sherry come home at all last night?" Michael asked.

"No master. Entity Searraigh has not returned." Akia said.

Michael nodded and took a sip of his coffee.

"What game would you recommend next master? I beat Portal 2." Akia asked.

"Well... what did you think of Portal 2?" Michael asked.

"I liked it. The puzzles helped test my problem solving subroutines. Wheatley was amusing, especially when I broke his monitors." Akia said.

"Heh. Discovered that did ya? Nice. I'll admit, I didn't discover that until the second play through. Pretty lame, huh?" Michael chuckled.

...

*Slow clapping

"Oh good, my slow clap processor made it into this thing." Akia said with GLaDOS's voice.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one! How'd you do that?" Michael laughed.

"I can imitate any sound or voice I have samples of in my database. For example..." Akia said.

"...Hello sweetie. I missed you. Did you eat a hearty breakfast this morn? Can I have a kiss?" Akia said with Sherry's voice.

"That's really good. The inflections aren't perfect, but it's dang close. And of course the actual voice tone is spot on." Michael said.

...

"So... to answer your original question... maybe you'd enjoy Fallout 3 next? I put an obscene amount of hours into that game. It's easily one of my top five favorites." Michael asked.

"Thank you master." Akia said.

*Click!

Before long, Akia was watching that iconic Fallout 3 intro cinema.

...

~Later~

...

"... and if you put in the right code for all three computers, you'll unlock a safe and a marker to a place where you can find a kick ass Chinese Assault Rifle. But I'm not going to solve the puzzle for you. Figure it out yourself. It's easy." Michael explained.

"I will." Akia said.

*Knockknockknock

Akia smacked the pause button and whirled her head towards the door.

"Scanning. One entity detected. Female. Inma." Akia said.

"Is it Sherry?" Michael asked.

"Negative." Akia said.

Michael slid off the couch and went for the door. He got there just as whoever it was started knocking again. He peeked through the peephole. It was Stavish. She was wearing civilian clothes.

*Click

*Creeeak

"Merry Christmas sir! Can I come in?" Stavish asked.

"Yep." Michael said cheerfully.

She stepped inside, and Michael locked the door behind her. Then he raked his eyes over her, head from toe.

"Is...something wrong sir?" Stavish asked.

"You look funny when you're not wearing ACUs." Michael said.

"Ha, you wouldn't catch me dead wearing those damn things unless I have no choice. They itch." Stavish laughed.

"BDUs are better." Michael said.

"Never tried them. I'll take your word for it. So uh..." Stavish said.

Stavish's eyes landed on Akia, and her paused video game.

"Turning her into a gamer girl?" Stavish asked.

"Yeah. Turns out she really likes it, so I'm not going to tell her to quit. And besides, where else am I going to get someone who can follow along with all my videogame references? Such as..." Michael said.

He turned towards Akia.

"I have a cake for you." Michael said.

"The cake is a lie." Akia said.

"See? What'd I tell you?" Michael said.

Stavish snickered.

"Yes sir~" Stavish said lightly.

...

"Where's your Christmas tree?" Stavish asked.

"I haven't put one up yet." Michael said.

"Aww man... what are you waiting for? Let's do this! It's Christmas eve for goodness sake!" Stavish exclaimed.

"I can't. If Sherry sees it..." Michael started.

"With all due respect sir... fuck her. C'mon, let's pull the tree out." Stavish interrupted.

"Hey wait a minute! First off, that's uncalled for. Second, aren't you and the other inma supposed to be loyal to your 'mistress'?" Michael asked.

As he said the word 'mistress', he made air quotes with his fingers.

"Sure I'll do what she says, but I'm not her servant. And I'm a little tired of the way she's yanking your chain around." Stavish said.

Akia perked her ears up in interest.

"She's not so bad, she's just a little overly protective. Please don't say things like that about her. She doesn't deserve it." Michael said.

"Yes sir, sorry sir." Stavish said.

"That said... yeah, let's get the tree out." Michael said.

"Yes sir!" Stavish said enthusiastically.

So they went into Michael's bedroom closet, where he kept his small stash of Christmas stuff. Michael reached up and pulled the plastic tote off the shelf while Stavish's eyes wandered across the closet.

"Wow, what a nice gal. She's eaten up 90% of the closet space with her clothes, and the rest goes to Michael. That seems real fair." Stavish thought.

As they walked out of the closet with the tote, Stavish glanced at the bedroom on their way out.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say this is a woman's bedroom. Not a couple's bedroom." Stavish thought.

...

Once they made it out to the living room, Michael pulled the lid off the tote and started pulling out ornaments. It wasn't anything special, just a two foot tall fake tree with a handful of ornaments that he had gotten during 'after Christmas' sales. It didn't take much more than ten minutes to set up and decorate. Since the kitchen island was covered in second amendment stuff, they ended up sticking the tree on top of Michael's old Zenith TV.

"There, that's better. It isn't Christmas without the tree. Even overseas, we tried to have a tree." Stavish said.

"What'd you put on it?" Michael asked.

"All kinds of shit. Spoons out of MREs, bits of paper, pop corn, condoms..." Stavish said.

"What the hell?!" Michael exclaimed

"Just kidding about that last one." Stavish said, chuckling.

"Riiiiiiiight..." Michael said.

"Although, we did have one off the cuff tradition..." Stavish said.

She reached under her shirt and pulled out a hidden set of dog tags, which she pulled over her head and hung on the tree.

"Whenever we weren't out in the field, we would hang our tags on the tree. Our CO always got mad at us, but we did it anyways." Stavish explained.

"How come?" Michael asked.

"It was a reminder. We're the ones who make Christmas so good, not all the bullshit consumerism. We were like a big family, so each of us put something on the tree. Does that make any sense?" Stavish asked.

...

Michael reached under his shirt, and pulled out his own hidden pair of dog tags, which he hung on the tree.

"Wh...where'd you get those?" Stavish asked, surprised.

"I had them made at a surplus store. I figured if I ever got shot or stabbed during these crazy days, it'd be a good idea for people to know my name and blood type. And... my religious beliefs if I kick the bucket." Michael explained.

"Yes sir. And that's why we always put them back on when we went out in the field." Stavish said.

...

"And sometimes... we'd... take with us ones from buddies... who you know..." Stavish trailed off.

"I get it. You don't have to say anything else." Michael said softly.

Stavish shook her head and forced a wide smile on her face.

"I didn't come over her to talk about that sand filled hellhole. I was hoping I could hang out. My boyfriend flew out of town to go visit family, and I don't want to spend Christmas alone." Stavish said.

"Well... sure if you want to hang out with a guy like me." Michael said.

"I'd really like to sir. " Stavish said, smiling

She glanced towards the pile of gun parts and related bits on the kitchen island.

"If I'm not interrupting anything." Stavish said.

"You're not, if you help me finish cleaning and reassembling all that stuff. Work first, then play." Michael said.

"Yes sir." Stavish said.

~Very Shortly Later~

*CLICK CLACK

Michael put his completed M14 on the island, with it cleaned and lubed to perfection.

"Okay now that's done. What do you want to do next?" Michael asked.

...

Her eyes fell towards the pile of video games next to the Zenith.

"Maybe we could play something?" Stavish suggested.

"Sure. Why don't you pick through what's there and choose something. I don't mind swapping controllers for single player stuff, or we could do split screen. I'll go wash this oil off my hands and get beer." Michael said.

"Hooah!" Stavish exclaimed.

...

So when Michael came back from the kitchen, he found Stavish holding up a copy of Left 4 Dead 2, along with two xbox controllers.

"Yep, that's definitely a good one." Michael said, nodding.

"I picked the game, so you pick dibs on the character." Stavish said.

"Ellis." Michael said instantly.

"Sweet, I always like to play Rochelle." Stavish said.

...

~A Few Intense Minutes Later~

...

"Shit! Boomer! I can't see a damn thing!" Michael exclaimed.

"Smoker's got you! I'm coming!" Stavish exclaimed.

"I think that rat bastard dragged me near the witch!" Michael exclaimed.

"Maybe playing on the hardest difficulty was a bad idea." Stavish said.

*Game Over Music

...

"Well frack." Michael muttered.

"So uh... knock the difficulty down a bit?" Stavish asked.

"Yeah. I'm a little rusty." Michael said.

"So am I." Stavish said.

"Can you believe this game is almost ten years old?" Michael asked.

"Time sure does fly." Stavish said.

...

"Um... sir?" Stavish questioned.

"Yeah?" Michael asked.

"We're being watched." Stavish said.

Michael slowly turned in his seat, and found Akia staring at them intently with those crystal blue eyes of hers.

"We were screaming and shouting a lot. Were we bothering you?" Michael asked.

"No master." Akia said.

She completely abandoned the desktop computer, and turned the chair to face the TV.

"Are you going to play the same level a second time?" Akia asked, excited.

"Yeah. Until we beat it." Michael said.

Her eyes lit up, and she scooted in closer.

"Ohhhh, I get what's going on." Michael said, nodding.

"What?" Stavish asked.

"Akia is fascinated with organics and our propensity to be random. Our second play through will probably be slightly different than the first." Michael explained.

"Um... so what?" Stavish asked.

"I don't know. I guess it's an automaton thing. She says she likes organics because of it. Frankly I'm cool with any excuse she comes up with to not go all Terminator on us." Michael said.

~Shortly Later~

"Okay, here's the deal. We pre position the fireworks at the top of the stage seating, where we turned on the stage lights. One on the left, and one on the right, and spares in the middle." Michael said.

"Got it." Stavish said.

"Once I hit this start button and the Midnight Riders start playing, I'm going to run up there as fast as I can. Cover me, and don't detonate those fireworks unless a horde is coming out those side doors." Michael said.

"Roger." Stavish said.

"Okay... I'm starting the music!" Michael said.

...

~A Few Minutes Later~

...

"Tank! Tank! Left side!" Michael shouted.

"Backupbackup!" Stavish blurted.

"Now! Hit the fireworks!" Michael shouted.

*Angry Roar

"Shoot shoot shoot the damn tank!" Michael exclaimed.

"Spitter got me! I'm down!" Stavish exclaimed.

"I'll keep him busy! Coach is picking you up!" Michael exclaimed.

"I'm up!" Stavish exclaimed.

"I got the tank! Okay! Here comes the chopper! Left side! Left side!" Michael exclaimed.

*Frantic gunfire and rock music

A random chunk of concrete flew across the map and nailed Stavish's character perfectly, making her go down again. Both AI were on the other side of the map like a bunch of idiots, so they weren't going to help her. Michael had to jump out of the safety of the chopper, run half way back to their previous fighting position, and try to save her. He picked her up just in time before the tank showed up.

*WHACK!

Michael's character when flying when he got backhanded by the tank.

"OH SHIT! HE THREW ME BACK INTO THE FREACKING CHOPPER! HAHAHAHAHAHA! DUMBASS!" Michael exclaimed.

Stavish's character jumped into the helicopter, and the final cut scene played. They fist bumped.

"Thanks for coming back for me." Stavish said.

"Yeah, no problem." Michael said.

They both glanced at Akia, who had watched the whole thing without missing a single detail.

"Well?" Michael asked.

"Can I play?" Akia asked.

"Sure, but I only have two controllers." Michael said.

He handed his controller to Akia.

"Why don't you and Stavish take a turn, and then I'll trade off for the next one?" Michael suggested.

"Thank you master." Akia said.

"Actually, I'm all played out. Maybe you two should take a turn." Stavish suggested.

...

"Alright let's make a compromise. One more match so she can play, and then we'll watch a tv show." Michael said.

"Deal." Stavish said.

"That sounds interesting." Akia said.

"What are we going to watch?" Stavish asked.

"Have you ever seen the original Lost in Space? I have a hankering to watch that after fixing Akia." Michael said.

"No I haven't, but I've heard of it." Stavish said.

"Well it's a little goofy, but I think it's fun." Michael said.

So Akia handed back Michael's controller, and took Stavish's controller.

"Okay this time let's play No Mercy." Michael said.

"No Mercy? I thought that was Left 4 Dead 1?" Stavish asked.

"They added it to L4D2 later. I call dibs on Bill." Michael said.

"I'll play Zoey." Akia said.

...

~Much Later~

...

"Well I had a lot of fun sir, but it's getting late. Mind if I come back again tomorrow? For Christmas day?" Stavish asked.

"Sure. It's no good to spend Christmas alone. I've done that one too many times." Michael said.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow." Stavish said.

"Make sure you come by after ten. I've got to go to..." Michael started to say.

"Christmas mass. I figured that out by reading your dog tags. No worries. See you tomorrow." Stavish said.

"Yeah. See ya!" Michael said cheerfully.

And with that, Stavish saw herself out. Michael stretched and yawned.

"I think I'm going to turn in. Anything you need before I go to bed?" Michael asked.

"No master. My needs are met. I will resume playing on the computer." Akia said.

"Alright, good deal. I'll see you tomorrow." Michael said.

"Good night master." Akia said softly.

...

Christmas Morning

...

*CLICK

~Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring
Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time
Dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square
In the frosty air!~

Michael groaned and rolled over, and stared at his alarm clock. For one day only he had changed the alarm clock tune from his usual ~Somebody to Love~ by Jefferson Airplane... to ~Jingle Bell Rock~ by Bobby Helms. He let the song play, and then he smacked the top of his alarm to shut it off. Then he sat up and looked around the bed. Once again, his horny heat-pac was missing.

*Yaaaaaawn

Michael blinked a few times, and wiped the crusty stuff out of his eyes. Then slowly but surely, a smile crept onto his face. Sherry wasn't there... which meant he was free to do what he wanted.

"Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun. Now the jingle hop has BEGUN!" Michael sang cheerfully.

*THUD

He hopped out of bed, and made a beeline for the shower, all while singing Jingle Bell Rock to himself. Akia was once again glued to his desktop. She was done with Fallout 3, and was playing Fallout New Vegas.

...

"I'm stepping out for a while. Keep an eye on the place." Michael said.

"Yes master." Akia said.

"And no shenanigans. It's Christmas. I want peace and quiet." Michael said.

"Yes master." Akia said.

He went down the steps and went to jump into the Duster. It was then he noticed that all those people who had surrounded his apartment the previous day had tampered with the Duster. Specifically, there was around fifteen or twenty pairs of panties and bras piled up on the rear seat, that had been thrown in through the broken window.

"Oh come on! I can't go to church like this! For frick's sake!" Michael exclaimed.

So Michael did the only sane thing he could think of considering the circumstances. He shoved all that crap out onto the ground and drove away. He didn't want to go onto church property with something so sinful in his car, even if it wasn't his fault in any way.

...

He pulled up into the parking lot, and found a spot to park amongst the countless cars filling the lot. Letting the engine sputter silent, he took a breath and composed himself. Ever since Sherry had showed up, he hadn't been able to go to church or confession. Before Christmas mass began, they were going to have confession for anyone who needed it. So he was working it out in his brain, all the things he wanted to confess. Most of the weight on his shoulders revolved around the Battle of Lescatie.

*Taptap

Someone tapped on his driver window. Looking up, he was surprised to see Stavish smiling down at him. He opened the door.

"What are you doing here?" Michael asked.

"The same thing as you sir." Stavish said.

"But I had no idea you were Roman Catholic." Michael said.

"Surprise!" Stavish said, smiling.

So Michael locked down the car and the two of them walked towards the church.

"I'm probably not as good at going to church as I should be, but I do try to come whenever I can. Especially for confession. I like the fact that you can tell them everything, and they're under oath to never divulge it to anyone." Stavish said.

"Yeah, they take that oath really seriously. I've heard stories about priests who were silent even under torture. But... I'm still worried about what I have to say." Michael said.

"You mean about what happened at Lescatie?" Stavish asked.

...

Michael nodded reluctantly.

"How do you tell a priest that you killed someone... and not come off as some sort of mass murderer?" Michael asked.

"Just tell the priest 'Forgive me father for I have sinned, I killed during a time of war'. They'll understand. Heck, I've said that more times than I can count." Stavish said.

"Okay. I'll do it." Michael said.

...

~Much Later~

...

Michael and Stavish made their way out of the church after Christmas mass.

"Feel better?" Stavish asked.

"Yeah. A lot better. Thanks for giving me the pep talk." Michael said.

"Any time sir. I've been at this a while, and I know how it works." Stavish said.

...

"That said, mind if I come by your place now?" Stavish asked.

"Sure, come right on by. You're more than welcome." Michael said.

It was a quick drive home, and Stavish followed him in a hmmwv she had borrowed. It looked so strange seeing a civilian clothed Stavish cruising around town with a hmmwv, and it brought a faint smile to Michael's face seeing it in his rear view mirror.

"I've got the Universal Soldier following me, and the Terminator in my apartment. Hehehehe..." Michael chuckled.

They pulled up to the apartment, and the 440 mopar sputtered silent. The moment Stavish stepped out of the hmmwv, she raised a twelve pack of beer over the hood.

"Oh you are a mind reader!" Michael exclaimed.

"Heck yeah! Let's get a movie going, and lets have some fun!" Stavish cheered.

So the two of them hustled up the steps, and got to the front door. Michael pulled out his keys, and was just about to unlock the door, but he hesitated.

"Hey uh... so... if Sherry's in there..." Michael hesitated.

"We went to the mall." Stavish finished.

"Right. Thanks." Michael said.

He unlocked the door and stepped inside. Akia was busy playing games on the computer, like usual.

"Hello master. Searraigh has not returned." Akia said.

Michael exhaled a little.

"Alright. Thanks for letting me know. Stavish... you can put those frothy beverages straight in the fridge please." Michael said.

"Sir yes sir!" Stavish said cheerfully, snapping off a mock salute.

She went and stashed the beer, and Michael went over to his movie shelf. Akia paused her game and turned to watch.

"Let's watch some Christmas movies!" Stavish said.

"Right. Hey Akia, want to watch a movie?" Michael asked.

"Yes master." Akia said.

"So which do you want to watch first? Die Hard, or Lethal Weapon?" Michael asked.

"Error. No protocols currently exist for Topic : Christmas Movies." Akia said.

"Die Hard it is." Michael said.

He slid the video cassette into the player, and plopped down on the couch. Akia sat down next to him.

"A VCR sir?" Stavish asked.

"Yeah. Don't worry, it's a really good one. It has S-video out, so the picture is pretty good. I got it for 5 bucks at the thrift store." Michael explained.

"That same one we went to?" Stavish asked.

"Yeah. That one. Back before the owner started acting like an asshole." Michael said, chuckling.

*Knockknockknock

"Huh? Who's at the door?" Michael wondered aloud.

"Scanning. Multiple entities. Four females of inma variety, one human male." Akia said.

"That sounds like Alistair." Michael guessed.

He went to answer the door, and sure enough it was Alistair and his girls.

"Heya Mike, have any plans for Christmas?" Alistair asked.

"Yeah actually, I've got a guest." Michael said.

...

"Can uh... we join in?" Alistair asked reluctantly.

"Sure maple man, come on in. We were going to watch Die Hard." Michael said.

"Yeeeeeessssssssss~" Alistair hissed, grinning.

So Alistair, Desdemona, Crimson, April, and Nora all shuffled inside. Nora offered Michael a basket.

"Master Gray insisted that we bring mince pies. Here you go sir. I just made them this morning." Nora said politely.

"Hey! Cool! Nice idea maple man! Thank you Nora!" Michael cheered.

By then, the couch was long since filled up. People began sitting down just about anywhere they could find, other than the open spot on the couch that belonged to Michael. Nora turned part of her shoggoth body into a padded chair for Alistair to sit on. At one point, Michael ended up producing a pile of pillows for everyone else to sit on or lean against.

"C'mon Mike, let's start!" Alistair cheered.

"Yeah, what are you waiting for?" Desdemona asked.

Michael lingered near the door, eyeing it suspiciously.

"It's just... if I go to sit down, someone will show up again. Are any of you expecting friends?" Michael asked.

Everyone shook their heads side to side.

"Okay then I guess..." Michael started to say.

*Knockknockknock

"See! I told you!" Michael exclaimed.

"Scanning. Three entities. Female. Inma." Akia said.

"Yeah yeah, you don't have to do that every time." Michael said.

He opened the door, and was greeted with the sight of three uniformed police officers. Two that he only recognized in passing... and one he recognized all too well.

"Hello Mike. We got a report of a large party going on over here." Serena said.

"And we haven't made a peep. You can't get us on making noise." Michael countered.

"Still though, I'm going to have to ask you to step aside and let us in." Serena said, grinning.

Serena raised a grocery bag from behind her back. It had long tubes of kettle corn inside.

"You've got to be kidding me..." Michael muttered.

"That is of course... unless you don't want three coppers in your apartment. In which case, we'll leave our badges on the porch." Serena said knowingly.

The two officers standing behind her both smiled and nodded their heads.

"You know what? Frack it. It's Christmas. I don't want to fight with you." Michael said, throwing up his arms.

So the three officers came inside and made themselves comfortable. They started passing around the kettle corn.

"What are we watching?"

"Die Hard."

"Hell yeah! Any movie with a cop in it is good in my book!"

Michael went to close the door, but he noticed two more people coming up the steps.

"What the heck are you two doing here?" Michael asked.

It was the Danuki banker, accompanied with the Danuki trader. The trader had a wooden crate in her arms.

"Hello Mr. Collins, I made a new friend!" The danuki banker said cheerfully.

"Hello partner!" The danuki banker said, grinning sheepishly.

"I met her when I went by the theater to deal with a couple of repair people causing problems. We started talking business, and the next thing I knew she was begging me to tell her where you lived. So here we are." The danuki banker explained.

"I brought your delivery sir." The danuki trader said, smiling.

She opened the lid of the crate, and revealed a mound of prisoner fruits.

"You deliver?" Michael asked, surprised.

"Not usually, but I'm used to the Lescatie-Royal Makai route. This was just a little stroll for me." The danuki trader said.

The banker peeked around the corner, and Alistair waved.

"Having a party?" The danuki banker asked, eyes gleaming excitedly.

"I've never been to a party in this world before." The danuki trader said.

"Alright alright, come on in. Make yourselves comfortable." Michael said, chuckling.

And with the apartment crowded full of people, everyone crowded around the television and passed around all the random snacks that people had brought. Michael plopped down on the couch with beer and prisoner fruits, and went to finally press play on the VCR remote. Just before his fingertip mashed the button, he froze.

"Sherry's coming." Michael said distantly.

"How do you know that?" Stavish asked.

"I just do." Michael said distantly.

...

*CrackleWHOOSH!

Sherry appeared close to the front door of the apartment, a magic circle under her feet.

"Oh my goodness! What in the world have you been up to while I've been away?!" Sherry exclaimed.

"Well, we had a kind of.. well.. get together. I didn't exactly plan this though." Michael stammered.

"We sorta forced our way in with beer and snacks." Serena said cheerfully.

"I can't say no to free beer and food. It hurts my heart." Michael said, grinning.

Sherry smiled.

"You shall hear no complaints from me!" Sherry remarked.

She took a couple of steps off the magic circle, and it faded away.

"I have good news sweetie. The IRS is no more." Sherry said.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!" Everyone cheered loudly.

Sherry was taken aback by the very loud and very emotional reaction everyone in the room had. It was pretty much universal, everyone hated the IRS.

"That's the best Christmas gift anyone could have! THANKS MISTRESS! It's a Christmas MIRACLE!" Everyone cheered.

The danuki banker cheered loudest of all, with tears of joy streaming down her face.

"We're free! We're free! YAYAY!" The danuki banker wailed.

Sherry looked shocked.

"If the IRS was that bad, why didn't anyone try to destroy them before?" Sherry asked.

"It was like a malignant tumor. Once it took root, dirty politicians used it to bleed us dry for money while they blew it all like a drunk sailor with a credit card." Michael explained.

"They used our own damn money and labor against us." Stavish said.

"I hope you burned that place to the ground." Serena said.

"Maybe taxation will return to the states where it belongs." Desdemona said.

"I'd like to see income tax completely abolished!" The danuki banker said, between sobs of joy.

"And property tax. I'm tired of being treated like a peasant paying the local lord rent." Crimson said.

"Yeah! What she said! Fuck property tax!" April interjected.

"Wow, that sounds familiar." Michae murmured.

And so on. The entire room alternated between griping about taxes, and thanking Sherry for what she had done. While this was going on, she smoothly sashayed through the crowd and planted her soft bum on Michael's lap.

"I have the best seat in the entire room~" Sherry sang.

Everyone smiled and chuckled. And with that, Michael was finally able to press play.

...

Later, after having watched quite a bit of the movie, everyone began to tense up.

"Okay guys, here it comes!"

"Yeah! Get ready!"

...

"Yippie ki yay mother fucker/fracker!" The crowd cheered.

And everyone broke out laughing over Michael's slightly delayed 'fracker' instead of 'fucker'. The three foreign inma in the room, Akia, Sherry, and the Danuki trader, had no idea what was happening, but they went along with it anyways. Beers were passed around, kettle corn and mince pies were consumed in quantity, and everyone had a great time. Michael had a happy smile on his face, for he was experiencing his first happy Christmas. It seemed that absolutely everything was right in the world, even if it was just that one day. It even made him briefly reconsider what he had told Akia the other day, even if it was just a little. Sherry sensed as much, so she decided to simply let it happen and not question exactly what holiday they were celebrating.

"Happy trails Hans!" Michael said cheerfully.