Snowhere to Go: Chapter Ten
"Here. Drink this."
I handed Obi-Wan a metallic tumbler and couldn't hide a wry grin because I knew what his reaction was going to be. I'd discovered him a few minutes ago lying on a couch, his face as green as a gourd.
"What is this?"
He grimaced just from the smell. Was he in for an unpleasant surprise!
"An old recipe of my great-grandmother's. It helps ease vertigo and nausea. It works wonders, but it tastes like…"
He had taken a tiny sip.
"Bantha poodoo," he finished my statement and I could barely contain my laughter. I wasn't prone to making people suffer, but his expression was quite comical.
"Yes, but it works. Just a little more?" His face told me he had other ideas.
"Thanks, but no. I'm already in turmoil. Why add to it?"
I put on my most angelic expression and even pouted a little. "Not even for me? Please?"
He glared at me for a while and I wondered if my pleading had worked.
"Fine,"
Obi-Wan huffed and drank half of what I'd offered before shoving the tumbler back into my hand.
"That's vile. What's in it?"
"Trust me. You don't want to know." Actually, I had no idea. My mother kept a jar of it in her kitchen and shipped some to me once in a while. It was a powdery, dark brown concoction that may indeed be from the north end of a south-bound bantha, but I wasn't about to tell Obi-Wan that.
"Feel better?" Already, his coloring had improved. He contemplated for a moment before swinging his legs around to place his booted feet onto the hard flooring.
"Actually. I do. That's amazing! Thank you."
"You're welcome."
I had taken a short nap after my talk with Dormé and felt rested and less anxious. I could also think more clearly. I knew Obi-Wan better than to make such petty assumptions. There was no way he thought I was dull. We'd had too much fun in the past and I'd fought side by side with him on Naboo. He knew me as well.
"May I sit?" I asked him before he humbly scooted over to give me ample space.
"Of course. Something on your mind?"
I wasn't as nervous as I thought I was going to be. Maybe that's because I'd rested or maybe Dormé had actually made some sense.
"Yes. I wanted to apologize to you for my earlier behavior. I guess I was tired and a little confused…"
"Confused? What about?"
Was he honestly going to question every little word that came out of my mouth? If so, I'd better be more careful.
"Perhaps that was the wrong word," I explained. "Do you know how you expect something and your expectations aren't met…?
"What were you expecting? And are you talking about me? What were you expecting from me? A particular behavior?"
Was he messing with me? I lifted a corner of my mouth in a half-grin and gazed at him, but his countenance was as serious as usual. What was with the sudden cross-examination?
"No, nothing like that," I tried to explain, getting more confused by the second. Now, I was the one who was getting dizzy. There was only one way out of this. "I'm not talking about you, Obi-Wan. I was referring to this mission, the upcoming vote, the Separatists. Nothing ever happens the way you expect them to."
"Ah, I see."
It was a simplistic reply that would be followed up with some Jedi philosophy. I knew him well enough to realize that.
"Expectations often lead to frustration. It's our reliance on people, outcomes, and other things that leads to disappointment. Sometimes we think we can control these things when we can't."
True. I couldn't agree more. Maybe this was all a mistake. I wasn't certain how I felt about destiny, irony, and all that, but I knew that if whatever power controlled the universe wanted Obi-Wan and me to be together, then it would happen. And there was very little I could do to hurry it along. I still had plenty of time to marry and have a family. I was only twenty-five.
"A wise statement," I toyed with him. "Something Yoda taught you?"
"No, not really."
My attempt at humor had fallen flat. Obi-Wan stared off past the walls of the ship and into what I imagined was a memory somewhere in the reaches of his mind.
"Something I learned long ago. It was a difficult and painful lesson."
I imagined he was speaking of his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, who was killed during the Naboo invasion. He'd told me once he didn't blame anyone for it – other than the Sith who'd murdered his Master, but it still didn't make it easier for him to deal with.
And just like that our conversation was over. He was lost in thought and I could think of nothing else to say.
"How much further to Alderaan?"
I already knew the answer to that question. Dormé always kept me informed of the distance and time traveled during our trips.
"A couple of more hours and we should enter the system," he replied, although his mind was still obviously distracted.
"I'm going to go prepare for our arrival. Perhaps you should check on Anni."
"Good idea."
His smile was short-lived and I didn't allow any further response. Quickly, I rose from the bench and headed back to my cabin, one prominent thought in my head: Was love supposed to be this complicated?