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HarryChapter: lost and found

Scene: the department of mysteries; Fifth book

Harry's POV

Only if he had known, Harry would never come here. He should have realized by now that everything has been a trap. Standing in front of everyone he truly cared for, knowing that they were here because of him, made him sick with guilt. Had he acted on his senses rather than aggression, no one would be here right now. He should have known that coming to the department of mysteries wasn't going to end well for him, if not for anyone. He had yet again acted rash and with indecisive manner, abandoning the authorities and rushing here along with his group of friends who wouldn't just let him go alone. It was only after a few moments after entering the underground built up, that they were attacked by the opposite force. A fight they couldn't win all by themselves, but it was a fight well fought. None of the enemies had cast a single curse upon him, as if afraid of hurting him. Nonetheless, he hasn't hesitated to cast spells, as he had others to protect too. The atrium hall was lit with the fire torches, blue light illuminating the large hall, but ending near the hallways which were dark as no light reached there. Several people were standing a few meters away from him, a fair distance between him and them. His eyes roamed around until it landed on Ron and Hermione, standing close to each other, fiercely loyal as always. He threw them an apologetic glance, silently asking for forgiveness, but he knew he couldn't free himself of their wrath once he got out of here. Hermione was visibly shaking, either with anger or relief, Harry couldn't decide. Sirius was amongst them too, standing with a stoned faced expression which only meant trouble. He was in so much trouble. Ron was looking at him with an accusing glare. They were angry with him, as he had left them alone right after the fight was over, but he still had a battle of his own to win. He had run after someone. He didn't know who. He had caught a glimpse of someone standing in the far end of the hallway, just before the shadows had engulfed him, hiding it. He just knew he had to follow, just like a lost person who had finally found answers which would lead to the final destination.

But what made him come here anyway? The prophecy wasn't the only reason he was here. He was here because he was called.

What was the prophecy anyway? To him, they were mere spoken words of a seer, yet it had twisted his entire life into a maze. A maze where he couldn't escape from or find his way back home. He hated being trapped. It made him feel helpless. Controlled by a single prophecy, the future told, waiting to become reality.

He didn't want to be controlled like that as if he didn't have a mind of his own, not given a choice to escape from this mad world. But who was he kidding with? Himself? He always had a choice. But he made wrong ones, just like today. Did he want to escape? Sure he could, but this world of magicians, where the air carried the scent of oldest secrets, of the force that makes magic possible. The magic that made him feel so calm, yet mad with desire. The desire of wanting power he knew he possessed, but unsure of how to use it yet. Even magic isn't free from the two binding nature of humans, strong and weak or good and evil. The strongest of all who aren't afraid to have a heart to love others and the weakest of all who claim to be strong enough to not need love.

Harry was capable of feeling love, after all, it was his power. Professor Dumbledore had told him that many times, but Harry didn't believe him, not really. What saddened him the most was the fact that even someone like him who possessed such great magic could become so tainted. Almost like he wasn't as pure as he claims to be. Sure, others could only see what he wants them to see, pure. What hides behind that purity made him want to hide and never come out. He couldn't accept himself.

He had hidden the reality of his existence from everyone. He was genuinely afraid of what would await him if the truth comes out like this. What would happen if they see who he was? It was a wild thought, yet he was sure what would happen once the truth came out, and it seemed like he had run out of time now. Nothing could save his secret now, and he felt almost happy. He was tired of lying. If that is how things change, let it be then.

Unable to tell someone, anyone, made him almost feel guilty. He knew he had to apologize to everyone, especially his godfather. Even Dumbledore deserved an apology from him, knowing he would be furious with him as he had just run away from the Hogwarts grounds, as well as kept telling lies. Harry was no liar, the proof written on the back of his left hand.

I must not tell lies.

But now he wasn't so sure of it. Not that he regretted hiding the truth, but the fact that he lied about the locket and his strange disappearances made him accountable for his actions. Harry was in a rage. Angry at his insecurity, at how a few words make him so hopeless, so alone? As if his existence lived inside a house of cards, a small blow and it would crumble into heaps of undefined truth and lies. What more can he say?

Maybe things could have been different, had he made other better choices. It wasn't like he didn't have a choice; sure the circumstances didn't always provide him one, but he could make one himself. He did have an alternative. Only if he had the heart to make it come true.

Running away… but he wasn't going to abandon everyone just because he wanted to escape this reality. He loves his family and friends, and he could live a thousand nights like these just to see his friends safe and happy in the end.

Nothing could be done now, it's all too late. All the anger and resentment was now gone, replaced by the sinking feeling of dread. Everyone was gathered in the middle of the hall and judging from their looks, it seemed like they had fought off the enemies from the other side but at a cost. Harry restrained himself to wince, as neither of them could be counted as perfectly fine. Some had blood stains on their robes while others had their clothes torn at some places, blood seeping slowly from the open wounds. Sirius looked paler than usual and upon further inspection, there was a small cut on his forehead around which the blood had dried and taken a crusty look. He felt relief at the fact that none of the wounds looked life-threatening. Sirius had kept his eyes fixed on him, and he looked like he might break into a run anytime the way his whole body was trembling with frustration. Maybe Sirius had been looking for him for a long time, as he had gone missing for a few hours now. His godfather did look furious, but harry knew that nothing could be more relieving for him now that he had finally found him. At this point; unbelievable as it seemed to Harry; he felt a moment of longing as if wanting nothing more than to hug his godfather and never let go. He was embarrassed by these emotions, as he never had any adult he could solely put his trust in. Harry gave a very reluctant smile, a small tug of his lips, just to reassure the adult that he was fine. It was true, as he didn't even have a scratch on him since the time he had set foot in this dangerous zone. Unfortunately, that may have to change too. Looking at all of them gave him a sense of comfort and courage. He wasn't alone, never was, and his friends and others coming here had proven it. If he could walk a little further… just a little distance won't hurt. Ron and Hermione stood a little further away from Sirius, looking a bit pale but otherwise fine. Other Aurors had arrived there too. Carefully, he took a step forward, but sudden terror seized his heart and he stopped right there, not daring to walk a single inch further. The words spoken by him replayed inside his head.

" Take the locket, Harry. It's inevitable. We both know it well that it can't be stopped. Not by you alone perhaps. And in exchange, I'll let your friends live and go unharmed… "

Fear… he was scared for them.

He couldn't put them in more danger than they already were. It was his fault that put everyone at risk, and he couldn't afford more mistakes. Mistakes meant a way for danger to hurt them more. Frustration swept his already discorded emotions, and he found himself even more lost. His hand moved to his messy black hair, and he tugged at them with frustration and anxiousness. He wanted to scream and tell them to run away and save themselves. Maybe even run along with his godfather, and hide behind his back, like a child. But that child had been lost ever since that night. The one he tried so hard to forget, yet it plagued his dreams, clinging to his consciousness like a disease. Sometimes, he wished that he wasn't the chosen one. How much he loathes that title. He hated it with all his heart but still couldn't deny reality based on it. He was the chosen one, and he just couldn't run away. It wasn't who he was. Once again, he had his heart torn into two pieces, and both went for the longing of his friends and family safety. He was selfish. Selfish to keep all of them alive as they were far too precious to him to lose. Not them, please.

He felt imprisoned, just like it wanted him to feel. A cage of helplessness he so desperately wanted to escape. He was trapped inside of it for too long now, inside the boundaries and bars of his lies. How could he violate the trust of his friends and family like that? Harry had no excuse for this, as he knew that he could have just told everyone and none of this would be happening right now. Dumbledore might have a solution for the mind link, and he was sure of it. Even if his friends do forgive and accept him in the end, the world would always reject him, as no one wants a damaged hero.

This cage couldn't keep him imprisoned had he fought back. He knew this and had always known. He never gave up on his freedom, never did. Freedom just can't be sealed like this...not like this. His hand moved to his chest, where the locket rests near his heart as if counting and controlling each beat. He pulled it out and stared at it. Never had he felt so disgusted by it until now. He just wanted to burn the accessory till nothing was left of it; till nothing was left of him. Only if he could free himself from the clutches of it, only if…

The locket was cold to his hands as he stared at it. It was made of silver metal which was worn out from the years of neglect. A serpent was beautifully carved on it, each scale and pattern visible to the naked eye. In the middle of it was a large emerald stone, the color almost matching Harry's eyes. Remembering the first time he saw it, he had thought that the locket was truly beautiful. He still couldn't deny it's beauty, despite how much he hated it. Looking deeply into the greenstone, one could almost see something move inside it, a dense smoke, as if alive.

Harry snapped back to his senses as a shiver ran down his body. Why couldn't he just stay out of trouble? Of course, why couldn't trouble leave him alone? He glared at the locket one more time before dropping it. The locket thudded to his chest, near his heart as always. Harry genuinely felt annoyed with it.

From the dark shadows of the hallway, just behind him, a sudden overwhelming presence heightened, but Harry had known this presence for a very long time. He didn't even turn to acknowledge the presence, as it wouldn't help him feel any better. Everyone shifted their attention behind him, and their posture became more rigid and stiff. They had their wands out and aimed at the shadows that had concealed the so-called presence everyone in the hallway had felt. A few footsteps were heard, the clicking of the boots against the cold marble floor. Judging from the sound of walking, it seemed like the person was strolling in a slow, yet casual way, as if not afraid of potential harm that awaits him. the light revealed him slowly from bottom to top, the face still hidden by the shadows. The person was standing in a black suit with a robe on top of it. The man looked in his 20s, if not quite fit judging from his figure.

"Pleasantto meet you all, finally"

the figure spoke with a nod of his head, acknowledging everyone present in the room, but the voice sent shivers down his spine, knowing that he was anything but gentle. He was dangerous.

He stepped forward, revealing his whole body, and immediately several gasps were heard. Some took a step or two back as if to put distance between themselves and him. It was none other thanTom Riddle.

After a shrug of his shoulders, Tom continued to take a few steps further and came to a halt just behind harry. He raised his right arm and placed his hand on his shoulder quite gently. Harry immediately felt a new wave of nausea and disgust, wanting nothing more than to tire the man limb to limb. He barely controlled himself from flinching away from the touch, not that he was scared of him. He didn't want to give the satisfaction that he had managed to make him feel vulnerable.

"look around you, Harry. Your friends are here.", he whispered in his low, husky voice, "it worked, didn't it? My plan. Knew you would come to me once I mentioned the prophecy." Tom smiled down at him, enjoying his victory over him.

Harry did want the prophecy. After confronting Dumbledore about the Horcrux, he lost his trust in almost everyone, and that monster inside of him took advantage of his weakened mental state. A presence existed inside of him, and Harry had let him corrupt his mind as if seeking refuge from the harsh reality. The unknown presence that whispered so many lies, and revealed countless truths. Who was Tom riddle? And who was Harry Potter? None of these existed when he was with one single presence… And that presence felt the same as the one standing next to him.

Harry tilted his head towards Tom and locked his eyes on him. He looked like a human. A fleshed-out piece of his memories now stood beside him, and Harry couldn't decide what he was truly feeling at that moment. Anger? Resentment? Or was it betrayal? He felt betrayed… yet again, as he had sought protection from the outer world behind the walls that were built by him. He had once felt safe there, but it was only tonight that he came to know who had given him that liberty. Tom was standing with a smug look plastered on his face as if pleased to break his heart. Surely, Tom had just succeeded in manipulating him into doing many things, such as wearing the locket or making him come here. The locket he was still wearing, but here he had no other choice but to continue to do so.

" I was waiting for this moment for such a long time'' he spoke loudly.

His eyes were roaming around, taking every little detail here and there, until his eyes landed on one specific person. Harry traced his line of vision until he too saw Dumbledore. The aged wizard was standing far behind everyone and was still as ever, too stunned to even move. His tired eyes were fixed on the man in black robes, never blinking or moving away.

"You shouldn't have come here tonight, tom. Surely you must know that." Dumbledore spoke with a warning in his voice, but Tom riddle was unfazed by his words. He kept his gaze fixed on him and had a neutral look on his face.

"But, how could I have stayed away from the boy? After All… he has something of mine."

Tom spoke to dumbledore with a pleased tone, his eyes sparkling with a knowing glint that he was not lying.

"Foolish as you may be, tom. The boy has nothing to do with the Horcruxes. He does not possess any of them."

Dumbledore talked in a stern tone, but what he didn't know was that Tom already knew the unspoken truth. Harry had never felt so much regret in his entire life. Only if he had spoken about those strange dreams… none of this would be happening right now. Harry shut his eyes, controlling the urge to scream his apologies. He turned his head away, unable to face everyone. Tom must have noticed it, as he turned his body towards Harry, his both hands were now resting his own either shoulder. Harry started to struggle against him, panicking at the sudden closeness between them. Tom gave a strong jerk on his body, stopping him in his attempts to free himself.

"keep your filthy hands off him, YOU JERK!"

Sirius shouted suddenly, his breathing labored due to the anger he was barely keeping check on. Harry looked past Tom and locked his panicked gaze with sirius, silently asking him not to speak any further. Nonetheless, Tom had kept his grip firm, as they were just a few inches apart now. Gathering his courage, Harry dared to look up, just to show his stubborn nature and fearlessness. But what he saw next made him afraid for the first time since coming here. Tom had a look of triumph, mixed with possessiveness.

"But, Dumbledore…. We have one right here…".

Tom spoke slowly, taking a tone of utter triumph and pride. After all, He was holding the last piece of his creations…

By now, Dumbledore should have realized that Tom knew. He knew he was a Horcrux, there was no point in hiding anymore.Tom had a twisted mind, and Harry knew that quite well. Harry quickly lowered his gaze, not wanting any sort of eye contact with the man. The grip on his shoulders loosened, and Harry twisted his body quickly to get away from Tom and put some distance between them, his breathing coming in slight gasps, but Tom didn't show any reaction to this act. He simply continued his few moments of staring and abruptly turned around once he was done. Harry had looked away, embarrassed by the spectacle he had made of himself.

"Surely, dumbledore. You must have known of this fact for a very long time. His body carries my soul. Your hero is the reason why I'm here."

Tom spoke in a loud and clear voice, wanting everyone to know the hidden truth dumbledore had concealed ever since forever.

"Leave the boy alone, tom. He's not yours to control" said Dumbledore in a convincing tone.

Suddenly, a burst of laughter echoed through the hall, cold and bone-chilling. Tom was laughing, amused at the old wizard's words. Harry felt something very wrong, as if he was standing on thin ice and not knowing it, a single wrong move and he would drown in the deep waters of hopelessness. The laughter turned into eventual chuckling until he stopped and sighed, looking at Dumbledore directly.

"You don't understand, do you?" Tom spoke softly, each word laced with poison.

"I'm not going to control him… he's going to obey me."

Then he turned around and looked at Harry. Immediately, the blood drained from his face and he staggered on his feet, unable to stand under such burden. Tom grinned at him, looking so pleased.

"Tom, the boy is innocent. Just let him go and I'll set you free for this night. I won't fight you." Dumbledore said calmly.

"Tempting offer, I must say. Professor… but save it for some other time. I have my offer to make… right, Harry?" Tom spoke.

Harry simply stared at Tom, not bothering to answer that question. Tom was going to make him surrender, as Harry already had the experience from past encounters.

Tom raised his arm, the hand faced away from him as he kept his gaze fixed upon Harry, and moved it in a swift motion. The air started shimmering a few feet away from them, various small lights appearing all over the place. The lights grew in size, joining the shimmering air until it was connected, making a long wall of sparkling dots. Dumbledore had drawn his wand out and raised it against the man standing near him, having no other choice but to defy the opposite force. A blot of lightning emitted from dumbledore's wand and connected with the wall of glittering lights. A loud booming sound vibrated the whole building, sparks flying from the wall as the spell connected with it. Harry had to cover his ears as the sound was unbearable, simply painful to his ears. The wall never cracked, nor did it show any signs of breaking. The shimmering wall continued to stand, proving that the person who had cast the magic was powerful. The blot of lightning vanished after a few moments as dumbledore stopped his magic. They stood in complete silence once more.

" did you see, Harry? That man had gone old, and so has his magic. It's kind of sad, you know." tom broke the silence. " he's powerful… the most powerful wizard alive. But he's resisting. He doesn't want to kill me here, because he knows… I'll come back anyway."

Tom was speaking to harry directly. Harry was dreading the way he was twisting the wand between his hands now. He was looking at him with an evil glint in his eyes. His red ruby eyes taking a shade darker, glowing in the darkness around them.

" what do you want, tom?" Harry spoke for the first time here. He kept his voice low. Harry wanted to know what was tom thinking, what kind of trap did he make this time? He was getting tired from his games, and now he just wanted to get over it. He was done playing games, and it felt like tom was getting tired too. All of those well-built plans and strategies were made for this final moment. Time slowed down as harry came to realize, all those lies and false hope was given to him just to take it away in the end. It all came to an end…

"The prophecy." tom stated.

Harry chuckled a little at the man's audacity. He wanted the prophecy as if he didn't already know of its content.

"Who are you playing with, tom? You know it well that I don't have it. You bribed me into coming here, saying that the prophecy was hidden in the department of mysteries." harry growled at tom, anger seeping into his words.

The distance between them decreased as tom took a few steps towards him and leaned forward until his mouth was just a few inches away from his right ear.

"I have the prophecy, harry...but it's useless to me. Without you, you know." tom murmured. " You came for the prophecy… to know what was hidden away."

The man straightened himself, his hand reaching for his robes iand disappearing under it. His hand drew out a small ball of crystal, cool mist covering the surface. It was the prophecy in his hands. Harry looked at him and knew that tom was up to no good. The same red eyes and twisted smile was plastered on his face. The man knew he was holding the thing that had became the cause of all this trouble. Tom extended his arm and offered the small sphere to the boy. Harry had his doubts but ignored them for a few moments. Harry had to go through all of the trouble just to get this crystal sphere, and he couldn't let the chance of finally getting it to slip. He was just being reasonable. Carefully, he reached out for the ball, and slowly griped it from tom's hand, as if taking something from the snake's pit. Tom continued to smile down at him, ignoring the obvious fear coming from the boy.

As soon as it was out of reach, harry drew the crystal ball of his chest, protecting it from any harm. The crystal glowed in his hands, the cool mist cleared as it started to warm up. A loud female voice he knew he had heard somewhere before began to speak.

"The one with the power to vanquish the dark lord approaches… born as the seventh month dies… and the dark lord will mark him as his equal… born with a power that has been lost to those who lives… and either must die at the hand of the other but neither can live if the other one survives…"

Everyone had fallen silent. Dumbledore was looking at Harry with an exhausted look, clearly feeling sorry for the boy. Harry kept his gaze at the prophecy. A million thoughts running in his mind, but he felt numbness crawling into his senses. The prophecy has already been fulfilled nineteen years ago. Maybe… the past wanted to repeat itself. As for the power the prophecy has mentioned… he knew that power… and it scares him.

Harry kept on staring at the sphere until it suddenly exploded in his hands. He came back to his senses at the sudden loud noise and the vanished ball he was just holding a few seconds earlier. A small laugh was heard from his right side. He looked up at tom.

"The prophecy is interesting harry, isn't it? And the power it mentioned...I wonder if you want to show it to us, harry…. Call it out" tom spoke. The threat of killing everyone here was left unsaid if he dared to defy him.

Harry felt like he might burst into tears anytime. There was no other choice but to save his friends and family first. He was utterly lost now. Harry turned around to look towards the people he truly loved. Sirius was looking at him with so much longing, but harry knew it was too late now. He must remain strong. Not for him, but for Sirius and the people that were waiting for him on the other side.

"Sirius…" Harry called out to him, keeping his voice as stable as he could. "Wait for me, will you? I promise I'll make it home soon."

He couldn't keep his mouth going dry, his throat painfully constricting as he spoke those words with a strained voice.

"P-Please don't h-hate me after this…" that sounded quite desperate to his ears as well.

"I really love you…" his voice turning into an almost whisper.

Harry turned away abruptly, not wanting to look at his godfather's face, as he knew he might go weak under such circumstances. He was now facing tom. At that moment, he decided if tom wanted to face his true self, he might as well not resist it and show him.

Harry learned something very important too. If the world couldn't love his true self, they might be not worth the importance at all. What mattered to him was self-acceptance, and after looking back at tonight's events, how his friends never left him alone or that Sirius never gave a single disgusted look to him, as if ashamed of him. Sirius didn't quite understand him, yet he didn't question his decisions. The fear holding him back from self-acceptance was now gone. And now Harry was simply enraged at tom. He asked for it.

"HARRY! NO! STOP IT. LOOK AT ME!" Sirius was shouting behind him, his spells connecting with the glimmering wall to break the barrier, but to no avail.

"HARRY! MATE! STOP THIS NONSENSE. TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY! WE'LL PROTECT YOU" That was Ron's shouting and it was quite loud too. Hermione was silently standing, perhaps lost for words.

"NO RON! I'M DONE HIDING! LEAVE! ALL OF YOU. GO! I'LL HOLD HIM BACK!" harry yelled at the top of his lungs, and he meant every word of it. He could hear the laughter of the man, laced with cruelty and evilness. Tom riddle was simply a man of injustice.

"That's right! Harry! Show them all what kind of monsters we both are! They'll fear us! Fight me! Harry Potter! SHOW ME THE EQUAL WHO IS WORTHY OF DEFYING MY MAGIC!" Tom was shouting at the end of his words, his face still twisted in a wicked smile.

The wind was picking up as the air started to glitter around him. He drew his magic to the surface from deep within himself. He liked the way he was feeling. Finally free...

Harry's green eyes darkened to a shade of black as the confined magic revealed itself. He could feel the creature's presence now, a slow hum of magic, almost like a lullaby. His eyes were glowing in the darkness, but then tom saw it. A flicker of blue flames glowed in the air until it disappeared after a split of seconds. Tom knew what it meant. He was close. Tom was grinning like a mad man. The shade of black in his eyes was now replaced with electric blue. All of the sudden, the boy staggered on his feet and collapsed to his knees, his breathing coming in gasps. Of course, it was his first time transforming, and it was bound to be stressful to his body. The boy moaned in pain, his body whole body tensing up. His eyes were shut. The boy was fighting his own battle but losing to it.

Tom was looking down at him, and watched the scene unfold…

The moment Harry had accepted his fate and let the greater power consume his senses completely, he felt something stir deep inside of him. Harry threw his head back as another wave of relief and pleasure flooded into his senses. He vividly remembered the details later on, how the wings finally unfolded from his back and how he felt his whole body twisting into something so inhuman. Harry had finally accepted himself…

In front of all those eyes now stood a creature of utter beauty. No one could ever forget how the boy's body shifted into something so destructive, yet breathtaking. The creature stood on its feet… it was a body of a huge bird, the blue flames licking the bird's wings, giving an ethereal look. How could someone hate this thing… this sinfully beautiful life form?

The wings were now displayed fully. The feathers were red and covered with golden lining, the blue and red flames were the display of the creature's magic. It was overwhelming to everyone, as everyone was looking at it in awe and wonder, including Sirius.

Tom was staring at the creature… he had finally found it. He had finally got to meet his equal. Tom wasn't been pleased in a long time, but now he felt absolute triumph.

" they're going to hate me, tom…" harry's voice spoke inside his mind. Harry wasn't been using that ability with him for a while, and it frustrated him to no end. It seemed like the boy's mental state was truly discorded, as he was once more seeking refuge with him. But today, tom has planned something else.

"But we were never born to be loved, dear prince… you should have known that better than me, after all." tom answered the boy. He knew harry truly felt defeated, as his long-kept secret and monster was now disclosed.

"Fight me. Harry…" tom spoke slowly. He truly wanted to fight his equal.

The legendary phoenix was hovering just before his eyes…

A myth lost and found again...